Land of Humans and Trolls
by Xotx
Summary: On their way to the Green Sun, trolls and humans get knocked off course and into their scratched universe which is mysteriously inhabited by both species. Main pairing is Gam/Kar. Multi-chap and different POVs. Warning: Blood, smut, etc. Not for kiddies.
1. IT'S THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY

**A/N: Alright! So this is a story I've been wanting to do for a while now. I absolutely adore Gam/Kar and so after scouring all that this site has to offer on the subject, I finally decided that I wanted to write my own. Now I will confess that this is my first fanfiction -ever- but I don't want that to be looked at as a reason to pat me on the back and tell me I did a good job. I crave constructive criticism and would love to hear the honest opinions of my readers. Also, if you notice ANY grammatical errors whatsoever, please point them out to me! I'm a bit of a stickler for proper writing so that will never be ill received. I believe that covers all of the boring bullshit, so down to business.**

**FOREWARNING:  
- I'm trying my best to write this in sticking with Hussie's AMAZING storyline, and to some degree writing style, so there may be spoilers if you're not completely caught up!  
****- There will be plenty of violence/smut/language and other such fun/unpleasant things in this story, so you have been warned.  
- I'm a firm believer in good solid plot/setting development and as such there will be no insta-sex scenes out of nowhere. Sorry! In order to fully enjoy this story, though, you're going to just have to be patient!  
- As stated previously, the main pairing this fanfiction will focus on will be Gam/Kar though there will be other minor pairings such as Dave/Terezi and Kanaya/Rose. ****I have a combination of half-planned half-making it up as I go thing going on, so there may be other surprise pairings but we'll just have to wait and see I guess!**

**Last but not least, I will try to update as often and as much as I'm not going to box myself in with a set schedule. Thanks so much for reading my little ramble of words, both bold and regular, and reviews/messages/fanart/questions/suggestions/anything else I'm not thinking of is always greatly appreciated and will not go ignored. Without further ado, I'm going to shut the fuck up now and let you read the story!**

IT'S THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY

"Okay, that's definitely the stupidest fucking idea that's ever been suggested in the entire history of paradox space. Of course, how could we have possibly had our sniffnodes so far up our fucking seedflaps to have missed this incredibly obvious and astoundingly stupid way to die?" snapped the, as usual, fairly irate voice of Karkat Vantas. "Oh, maybe because we weren't deserving of such stupid shitty plans. Thank you Jegus. Thank you for finally deeming us worthy to follow such horrible advice to lead us into our deaths."

"Wow. That rant actually took longer to say than Rose's entire plan," replied the chill voice of one cool dude. "Man, do you even listen to yourself sometimes?"

"Fuck you! Fuck you Mr. I'm-too-cool-to-give-a-fuck-about-killing-everyone. I'm just stating the obvious," the troll went on, storming over to poke Dave hard in the chest.

"Dude, don't touch me," the Knight of Time replied, swatting Karkat's hand away. "Look, Rose, you know shit. I mean, it does all sound pretty insane, but it's better than waiting around on some floating rock listening to all this obnoxious yelling. Let's do this."

At this last rebuttal, the nubby horned troll crossed his arms irritably, biting at his bottom lip to keep from saying anything. As much as he would never admit it, Strider did have a point; arguing back and forth for all eternity wasn't exactly the best option here.

Somehow, in all of this increasingly less reliable traveling through the ever shifting time and space, their meteor had gotten knocked off course. Well, 'somehow' wasn't exactly the best word; they knew shortly after this occurred what had transpired. After all, it was kind of completely impossible not to notice the ship that John and Jade had been piloting after it crashed into them. It was this very ship, still remaining lodged into the meteor, which all eight of them were currently standing on the deck off. Though the group was now all together once more, they had been knocked hopelessly off course and, according to Rose, were stuck in a sort of endless loop just out of Jack's murderous path.

Karkat thought all of this over as he quietly stood off to the side, a light growl rumbling in his throat as he found himself growing angry all over again. His now red-tinted irises glared over to John who was happily conversing with Jade; oblivious of the troll's death look in his usual naivety. Their original trek was intended to last a sweep and a half, or three earth 'years', but due to this grand catastrophe, they had been floating around aimlessly for twice that time. Needless to say, they'd all done a fair bit of maturing both physically and mentally, though some a bit more than others.

Some of the changes were easy to see; all of the trolls' irises had taken on the color of their blood, save for Terezi who's own eyes were still useless and burnt red. Others were more subtle in nature, like the gradual increases in height that all of them seemed to have picked up. Again, some experienced this more than others as Karkat was now officially the shortest one on the ship while Gamzee towered well over the rest of them.

Speaking of… The nubby horned troll glanced over to his moirail uneasily, trying to read any of the emotions or thoughts that ran through the highblood's head in those frighteningly deadpan indigo eyes. If anything, the clown's capricious nature worried the Cancer the most. It was a little over a human 'month' ago when Gamzee had suddenly just sat down in that corner there, and he may as well have become a statue then for none of them had seen him so much as blink since. The slight rise and fall of his chest was his only real indication that this wasn't the case, and it served as a constant reminder that he was still quite alive. This fact, though, didn't much help to alleviate any of Karkat's fears. Quite frankly, the Capricorn was absolutely terrifying even though he _was_ just sitting there. The Cancer usually just did his best to try and ignore him. Gamzee's usual, lazy smile was stretched across his now healed face, though a light bit of scarring was visible through what was left of his mostly smeared or rubbed off makeup. Sitting with his legs crossed and the red blooded troll standing next to him, he would have only had to crane his neck slightly to meet Karkat's eye level; an ever present testimony to his increased height. His arms laid down the length of his thighs, ending at his knees with his claws curled at the caps, using them as makeshift armrests. He didn't speak, he didn't move, and he didn't respond much; all he did was sit there, staring off at something Karkat had yet to discern.

The Cancer jumped some as he was torn from his thoughts by the placid voice of their currently assigned leader.

"I appreciate your approval, Dave," Rose said finally, gaze shifting among the many faces of both troll and human alike. "But this decision shouldn't be left up to one person. While I do know quite a bit, my knowledge isn't limitless, and there's no guarantee this will work," she paused, turning to look out into the space flying past them; the same space they had flown past countless times before. "However, as far as I can see, it's our best chance of escaping this painfully repetitive existence. Are there any other objections?"

"Well, I'm siding with this coolkid," Terezi cackled, slinging an arm around the knight's shoulder.

Karkat's frown deepened at the sight, eyes locked on that arm as if it were some sort of gnarled tree monster's dick; Terezi and Dave had become much closer than he would have liked during this endless meteor trip. This fact both sickened and hurt him; Dave didn't deserve a troll like her as a matesprit. When the Cancer stopped and thought about it, he concluded that he obviously didn't either of course; it couldn't even be a thing. Still, of all people, why would she choose that insufferable prick? Had they already had sloppy makeouts? What if they had already tried pail filling? The troll wondered briefly if humans could even supply viable genetic material for the imperial drones, and quickly concluded that any human foolish enough to try would be culled along with their matesprit. A light blush came to his cheeks and he hurriedly shook these thoughts off; now was not the time to be thinking about sloppy makeouts, filial pails or genetic material being added to the incestuous slurry. Having now fully matured (physically, anyway) at the respectable age of nine and a half sweeps, thoughts like these were invading the Cancer's think pan much more frequently lately. His incessant obsession with romcoms didn't much help that either, of course, but he just couldn't help it; who could resist the allure of actors like John Cusack and Troll Sandler? Now done being distracted by all of this bullshit, he decided it was time to get back on topic. He supposed he could still try and pursue a caliginous relationship with Terezi. After all, they definitely seemed to take part in things typical of blackrom games at times. _But it's not enough,_ the troll thought bitterly. Karkat shook his head, trying to ignore his stupid emotions and pay attention to this little attempt at what the humans called 'democracy' in action.

"I concur. While the probability of success is fraught with a slight degree of uncertainty, Rose's plan seems to be our most promising option," replied the solemn voice of Kanaya, effectively tearing the Cancer from his thoughts. "We at least have to try."

Her loyalty was met with a warm smile from the human, and Karkat had to fight to keep from emptying his protein chute.

"I'm not sure Rose, Karkat might have a point. As ill-formed and poorly worded as it may be," Jade chimed in, wringing her hands as she looked to John for support. "Maybe we should think about this a little more?"

"Yeah, I mean, I know you're all smart now Rose," John said, eyebrows knitted together in worry. "But aren't there any other options? How would being flung into our scratched universe help? Wouldn't we be doomed?"

"I don't know. I'm afraid I don't have any answers this time, John," she said, still studying the space beyond their vessel. "But either way, we don't have much time to make our decision. There's a slight abnormality in the space that we'll be coming up on shortly," she continued on, but now turned back to face them. "In a few minutes, to be precise, and if we don't go through that opening, we'll have to wait another two years at least before we'll get this chance again."

The nubby horned troll almost couldn't decide which would be worse; being flung into an unknown world with these assholes or having to spend another sweep flying around on this stupid rock with them. Before he could open his mouth to start on a second rant, though, a dark voice sounded from behind him, causing him to do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle and jump back a few feet.

"Do it."

All eyes shifted now to look at Gamzee, with a few then glancing to each other as if to confirm that he had in fact just said something. Karkat could feel the hairs on the nape of his neck rise as he studied the taller troll, wondering if he would say anything more on the matter or if he would just continue to sit there as if he were once more made of stone. A hushed silence fell over the group now, and Rose was the first to break it.

"Very well. It looks like we've come to an agreement," she said, staring back into the space once more.

Her arm stretched out, pointing towards a lithe, vertical strip that was a bit lighter than its surroundings as if it were a literal tear into the fabric of space. It was barely visible, like a factory-defect in a stretch of cloth that one would have to look at very carefully to notice, but it was there.

"That's where we need to go," she instructed, looking towards Jade and Dave. "The two of you will have to work together on this, carefully warping our surroundings to send us through that opening right as we come up to it."

The two nodded wordlessly, eyes transfixed on the task at hand; this was going to require a lot of focus, just the right timing… And a little bit of luck.

"Get ready," Rose instructed, her own gaze locked onto the tear as well.

Karkat sat next to Gamzee, covering his face with his hands and trying to keep it together. They were going to die; he just knew it. This crackpot plan was going to kill them all and there was nothing he could do to stop it. If only he hadn't rushed along the frogs, if only he had been a better leader; he should have been able to prevent this somehow. Self-loathing thoughts spread thickly through his think pan like a delicious grub sauce, and a light tremble began to shake him. The Cancer was so distracted by his own thoughts, he had nearly yelped when he felt a clawed hand lightly squeezing his shoulder.

Gamzee's head turned slowly, with all the stiffness and lethargy of an old, rusted robot and he looked down at Karkat's attempt to keep a straight face.

"Don't worry best motherfucking friend," the highblood growled, an unnerving fluctuation in his tone.

The nubby horned troll didn't know whether to feel better or all that much more terrified.

"There's only one minute left," Rose said, one hand grasping the railing in front of here with a white-knuckled grip.

Kanaya looked down at the human's free hand, taking a deep breath as she tried to gather her courage; if this attempt at escape was to fail, then this would be the last time that she'd ever get to be with Rose. She'd become aware of her feelings for the human long ago, but it never felt like the right time to breech the subject. With how reluctant all of the humans seemed to be in matters of romance with the trolls, of either a red or black nature, the Virgo had been trying all this time to feel out just how Rose would react to her over this. Rejection was a very real possibility, and one that she certainly didn't want to lose her friendship to. Summoning all of her bravery, the rainbow drinker wordlessly reached down to hold the Seer of Light's hand. It was a small gesture, one that she hoped would go largely unnoticed and ignored, but if she were going to meet her death she wanted it to be holding the hand of the girl she was flushed for.

Rose did notice, however, first glancing to their joined hands and then back up to Kanaya's face. Though there was a twinge of concern in her eyes, a soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips. The Virgo returned this smile, and then gazed out into space with the human. No words were needed; it was like it wasn't even a thing.

John was watching Dave and Jade intensely, his eyes filled with both curiosity and apprehension as his two friends readied their powers to try and free them from this situation. He let out a fairly sissy sounding yelp as a cane gently but unexpectedly made contact with his back. The Heir of Breath turned in confusion towards the culprit, one cackling Terezi who had stepped back to take advantage of his blissfully unaware gawking. John smiled at this; even in such a dire situation, the blind troll had time for shenanigans. He chuckled in response, causing Karkat to facepalm at how incredibly stupid that entire thing had been.

"Alright everyone," Rose instructed, swallowing slightly as she gazed into their uncertain future. "This is it, hold onto something."

At once, there was a blinding blur of light and color as the vessel seemed to fly without moving towards the opening in space at an astronomical speed. If anyone had screamed, the noise had been lost into the void around them. It seemed to swallow up the meteor before shooting them into its infinite obscurity. Suddenly, it appeared as if everything had just completely ceased to exist; there was silent, black nothingness that seemed to make up everything around and within them.

There was no telling how long this lasted, but eventually cutting through the vacuum was a single blip of light; in it the brightness and color of a rapidly approaching world the likes of which none of them had ever seen before. Seeing it as a whole was only a momentary experience, and just as quickly as it had appeared it had completely surrounded them; they were no longer gazing into this dot of light, they were inside of it. As it turns out, it was a really fucking huge dot.

Stars painted on a canvas of darkness flew past them in streaks of light, and soon those streaks disappeared to give way to a sea of bright blue littered with puffy white squiggles. Though they were still flying in too fast to accurately see what they were passing, one thing was very clearly in focus and becoming exponentially larger; the ground.

Sounds returned as they entered the atmosphere, but they were a muddled cacophony of nonsense not unlike that which comes from a scratched up CD. This, too, didn't last long as the meteor suddenly came to a screeching halt, finally colliding with the earth in a plume of dust and rubble. Debris billowed up from the crash site, enshrouding the entirety of their vessel in a cloud of dirt, rock, and various other bits of ground that had been spewed upwards as their foreign body carved out this new crater.

Karkat didn't see any of this. In fact, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a somewhat bleary stretch of black with just a splash of indigo. The troll blinked away the haze from having his eyes shut so tightly and finally concluded he was staring at a shirt. Gamzee's shirt. And it was right next to his face.

It only took a nanosecond for the Cancer to come to the realization that he had completely latched onto the Capricorn like some sort of wiggler to his Lusus. He quickly withdrew his grasp, effectively falling backwards on his ass as he did so, and he tried to pretend that that hadn't just been the lamest thing he had ever done. Gamzee hadn't seemed to take much notice to this, or really to that entire trip and crash landing. He still just sat there, staring off in one direction with that lackadaisical smile carved across his face.

Karkat spared a nervous glance to the highblood and then to the still settling dome of dust around them. Brushing himself off, the troll stood up to assess the situation. His gaze stopped briefly on the searching eyes of both Kanaya and Rose who seemed to be doing the same. Aside from looking a bit shaken up, they seemed to be fine. Terezi was helping to pick John up off the ground, and her giggles were the first thing that the nubby horned troll could process.

"That was fun," the Libra said happily, leaning back to help steady the human.

"It was alright," Dave answered, adjusting his sunglasses and looking back to her with a cocky smirk.

She returned his arrogant demeanor with one of her own, of course, and Karkat found that he was once more trying to keep down the contents of his protein chute.

"Is everyone alright?" Jade asked, her canine ears flicking around to pick up on every nuance of sound. "Did… Did it work?"

The dust was beginning to settle now and the group of eight looked out past the wreckage to get a bearing on their surroundings. The sun shone down brightly, causing Karkat to cringe as his nocturnally adapted eyes dilated into focus. None of them could have been prepared, however, for the first sight to greet them in this new land. The Cancer's jaw hung open, and after a moment of dumbfounded silence, he verbalized what the rest of them were thinking (or at least, thinking in some similar, less vulgar manner).

"Holy fucking shit… What is this?"


	2. Schoolfed At The Human Literature Hive

Schoolfed At The Human Literature Hive

Karkat shakily stumbled back, his legs wobbly with disbelief; how the fuck did this happen?

"Woah," was the first and only response to Karkat's question as Dave lowered his hands to his side.

The group stared out onto the sight, looks of both confusion and astonishment crossing their faces. All except for Terezi, whose nose was quick at work, and she furrowed her brow as if concentrating to try to process it all. After a long silence and picking up the scent of the group's overall reaction, she finally couldn't take it anymore.

"What's this I smell?" she cackled, walking closer towards the intermingled aroma. "Humans and trolls? It's everywhere! The delicious myriad of pleasantness is too much of a sensory overload for my cartilage nub to feast upon."

"… Oh, ok," John said, failing to try and look as if he wasn't hopelessly confused. "But… What now? I don't get what you mean."

"She means this shitty taintchafing pile of fuckassery we crashed into… Through… Fuck! For once this dumpass is right. This makes no gogdamn sense," Karkat yelled, his claws scratching and pulling at the tangles of his messy black hair. "This can't be right. Did we fuck up again? Leave it to the Knight of Douchewad and the Witch of Shitsponge to land us into useless asshat land."

"Dude, calm your shit," Dave sighed, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. "We did everything right. We flew this damn rock-ship smoother than some plush smuppet rump. No need to do some sort of acrobatic pirouette off the handle."

The two began to bicker in the background, again, and it eventually boiled down to a cavalcade of curses and insults being yelled and then calmly returned. There were all kinds of crazy parcel sending, receiving, and then returning to sender up in this post office of fighting.

But this is stupid.

The thing that had gotten everyone so riled up was something that was, in essence, very simple and unassuming; a billboard. However, it was what was displayed on the billboard that had caused such commotion. Glaring at each other across the advertisement, plain as if it wasn't even a thing, were both human and troll actors. Above this strange depiction were words written both in English and Alternian. Assuming that they both said the same thing, they were announcing an up and coming movie to premier early in the following fall. The only real difference between the lengths of lines was that the English title was one word, 'Trollbait' while the Alternian title seemed to be a much lengthier description stretching on a good eight lines.

"This is quite peculiar indeed," Rose said evenly, simultaneously studying the billboard and ignoring Dave and Karkat as they argued on. "We should have landed in our scratched universe, so I'm not quite sure why trolls are here as well. We'll have to do some research to try and ascertain why this is."

She opened her mouth as if to say more, but then shut it, deciding to contemplate further in silence for a few minutes. Expletives aside, this made absolutely no sense to her either. She was then pulled from her thoughts at the feel of a tightened grip on her hand. The Seer spared another glance towards the appendage which was still interlocked with Kanaya's own, and then her gaze shifted towards the troll's expression.

A soft smile spread to Kanaya's face as she absentmindedly squeezed Rose's hand a little tighter. If trolls were here too… Then they weren't all extinct. The jade blood could hardly believe this good fortune; whether it was intentional or not, this meant that her failure in protecting the matriorb hadn't doomed their race. A gentle sigh of relief was her only external expression of emotions, and Rose couldn't help but smile at this tiny display.

Jade looked around curiously, taking in the sight of the city not too far off from where they'd crashed before turning to assess the damage. She pushed up her glasses with a frown, noting that all but a tiny bit of the deck to their meteor ship hadn't managed to stay together. The meteor itself appeared to have mostly disintegrated upon passing through the atmosphere, and what was left of it had broken into little more than a pile of rocks and rubble once they'd crashed. Chunks of the laboratory were melted or torn apart, adding to the disarray of pieces that had once been their ship. The Witch of Space quietly thanked whatever stroke of luck they'd been given that had enabled them all to be on the ship's deck which appeared to be the only intact section. She gave a slight nod before looking back out to the strange city.

"Well, we won't learn anything from sitting around in this rock pile all day," she said conclusively, enthusiastic smile cracking whatever look of doubt she had previously expressed. "A city is bound to have a library right? Maybe we could figure out something there!"

"What's a library?" Terezi asked, tilting her head for emphasis.

"Oh, um… It has books, lots of books," Jade replied, stretching her arms wide. "It's where humans keep lots of books to read or study!"

"A human literature hive?" Kanaya asked, looking towards Rose for confirmation.

"Something like that," the Seer answered. "Yes, locating a library would probably be a good place to start. We could read up on this world's history, and hopefully find the answers to our questions."

"Wait, no. Fuck no," Karkat growled, having abandoned his argument with Dave to listen in on this conversation. "What the flying fuck are we suppose to do while you flighty broads dick around with shitty human books? Sit around and glare at each other like some series of fuckall statues with massive spiked poles up their nooks and some inane hatred towards less excruciatingly painful things? Like, perhaps, sitting around watching probing busybodies get schoolfed up the bone bulge in useless human horseshit? Oh, wait, that's equally as painful if not more so. Fuck that. We should stay here."

"Oh my gog Karkat, quit being so crabby," Terezi said, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Yeah, books are fun! There are all kinds of books in libraries," John said, smiling stupidly as he tried to convey his excitement to the nubby horned troll. "I bet they have romance novels too."

"Why in taintchafing fuck would I want to read your boring one quadrant books on mating fondness?"

"Oh, um… I don't know I guess," John chuckled, looking towards Jade for backup.

"Karkat, would you rather sit around on this broken deck or go out and try to do something about our situation?" Jade snapped, hands on her hips as she confronted her patron troll. "Quit being difficult and let's go already."

"I'm not being difficult," Karkat yelled. "I'm not waltzing right into interspecies fucktown! If it's so fucking important then you all go. I'll stay here and guard our worthless pile of shit."

"It would be unwise to separate," Kanaya said, a frown on her green and black lips as she tried to figure out why the Cancer was being so belligerent about this. "We know very little about this land, so gathering information would be the best way to proceed. There's nothing worth staying here for, and there hardly seems to be much a threat of danger in just exploring a city. Whether it's inhabited by trolls or humans, we should be more than capable of handling it. I fail to see the peril in-"

The rainbow drinker stopped, suddenly, her green eyes looking into Karkat's own, frightfully darting red ones. The nubby horned troll was putting on a pretty tough looking front of his usual boisterous anger and stubborn ways, but it was far from genuine. No, looking carefully she could see that his expression wasn't one of anger; it was one of fear. At first she had been puzzled about this strange combination, but it now clicked to her why he was being so combative.

"His eyes," she stated simply, watching Karkat wince and look away as a light red blush crept up on his cheeks. "If a highblood saw them they'd know…"

"Know what?" Rose asked.

"They'd know I was a fucking mutant blooded candy red fuckass freak," Karkat spat, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

"He'd be culled instantly," Kanaya went on, now fully understanding the Cancer's fear. "Humans might not take note of it, but it would be dangerous to let an unfamiliar troll know his place, or lack thereof, on the hemospectrum."

"Hemo what?" John asked, glancing to Dave for a response.

"Angry midget is a hemo-sexual," the Knight replied flippantly.

"Dave, that's the most offensive thing you've ever said," Terezi snickered, playfully jabbing his leg with her cane.

Karkat couldn't even muster up a good retort; he was too busy trying to hide his embarrassment and shame from the group. Of course. He _would_ be the wrench in their stupid plans, him and his freakish blood. The nubby horned troll held his ground, standing there defensively with his hands balled up into fists on either side of him. He had to be strong; he was not going to cry in front of this group of fuckwads. A clawed hand came to rest on his shoulder once more, causing him to jump and look up towards the gangly indigo-blooded troll who had suddenly come to his side. Karkat's gaze jumped from Gamzee to the spot the Capricorn had been sitting in since they'd gotten there. When the hell did he get up?

The taller troll didn't acknowledge him further, listless eyes still gazing off in some indiscernible direction in the distance.

"Don't motherfucking worry Karbro," he said, his tone barely audible before shifting back up to a yell. "No one's going to motherfucking touch this bitchtits motherfucker. I'd paint my wicked miracles with their blood."

No one was about to argue with the psychopathic clown. Least of all his moirail, Karkat, who merely tensed some and tried to take Gamzee's warning as a form of relief and not of terror. In truth, none of them doubted the sincerity behind his threat in the slightest, and given his unpredictable nature, it wouldn't have been surprising at all if he were to suddenly snap and go on a murderous spree.

"… While I hold no uncertainty about the truth behind that threat, Gamzee," Kanaya said tentatively, thinking over each word carefully so as not to spark the Capricorn's rage. "For now, it'd probably be best for us to keep a low profile. Besides, I have an idea that will suffice until we can come up with a more permanent plan of action."

The Virgo finally broke her grasp on Rose's hand, digging through her pockets in search of something. After a moment or two of rifling through them, Kanaya pulled out the dark, cracked glasses that had once belonged to Equius. She'd managed to hold onto them all this time, even after Karkat's initial rejection to them back when they'd still had a chance of going after Jack. They were by no means a perfect cover for the long run, but they'd at least provide the necessary anonymity for the Cancer's unique eyes.

"I'm not fucking wearing those," Karkat stated warily, staring at the sunglasses as if they were coated in poison. "As much as I'd love to run around wearing the almighty crest of douchebaggery once belonging to the disturbing as fuck corpse of that sweaty as hell creep, I'll pass. Fuck that."

"Honk."

"Yes, 'honk' you fuckass," Karkat growled as he swatted away Gamzee's hand. "You fucking did that in your terrifying, shitty ragefest. Congratulations. You win the sopping wet bag of putrid human waste slime prize of We're-Not-Going-The-Fuck-Back-There."

"Jegus, quit being such a wiggler," Terezi said, shaking her head in disappointment. "Just put them on and let's go already!"

Kanaya said nothing, but continued to hold out the sunglasses expectantly, waiting for the Cancer to accept them. She gave him a stern look, silently warning him that, if she wanted to, she could always just force him to put them on. The two had a bit of a stare down in the seconds of silence that followed, and Karkat finally yielded. With a scowl and more than a little bit of grumpy complaining, he hastily put on the sunglasses.

"I look like almost as fucking huge a tool as Strider," he snarled, trying not to think of the previous home of his newly acquired eyewear.

"You wished you looked that chill as shit," Dave responded. "Can we abscond off this rock hill now?"

There was a bit of hesitation at his question, but eventually Terezi began to walk off, aimlessly swaying her cane and whistling a tune as if this were some merry stroll in the park. Dave followed after her, hands shoved in the pockets of his god tier hoodie, and one by one the others began to follow suit. Karkat was the last one trailing behind, muttering to himself and angrily kicking at whatever pebbles he passed. His eyes were glued to the ground as he went, and he tried to keep his mind off of thoughts about being culled or of freakish human-troll hybrid creatures.

After a good two hour's walk from the crash site towards the city, they were finally at the cusp of its outskirts. Though it was ridiculously bright with the horribly shining sun looming over them, it wasn't too uncomfortably hot. At least, it hadn't been at first; Kanaya and the humans didn't seem to mind all that much, but Terezi, Gamzee and Karkat were beginning to feel its effects.

* * *

Terezi had gradually gotten slower and slower, no longer leading the pack but now somewhere in the middle of it next to Dave. The Libra was sweating profusely and appeared to be physically tired, but she seemed to be in good spirits as she and the Knight kept at their habitual shenanigans. Currently, they were both kicking their own pinecones in front of them, making a race out of it with ever shifting rules.

"Stepping on the brown seed rock makes you out," Terezi snickered.

"Hitting it with that damn cane of yours makes you out," Dave replied.

Needless to say, they'd both been considered 'out' from one rule or another at least twenty times each now. Neither of them called the other on it, though, and so the game continued on.

Gamzee had maintained a steady, unwavering pace throughout the walk, but whatever had remained of his makeup was now dripping down his face in streaks of sweat. Some of the edges of the hair framing his face had become plastered down, and were drenched in the salty, clear liquid. Despite all of this, his gaze was locked forward and he kept up, letting out little more than a stray 'honk' here and there. Every now and then his hands would twitch slightly, but he didn't appear to take notice of this. He couldn't help it; he was starting to get antsy.

Karkat was probably the most shocking by means of condition, as the nubby horned troll was doing something that had surprised them all; he wasn't talking. It was too fucking hot to talk, and talking would lead to yelling which would lead to expending energy which would make it even hotter. No thanks, he'd just shut the fuck up thank you very much.

The Cancer had taken to chewing on his tongue, wondering how much longer it would be until it was all dried up. He was certain he'd never been so thirsty in his life, and he was trying to imagine how the rest of his life would be on this miserable planet if it was always this fucking hot. What if they didn't even have a night time? No, that was stupid. Of course they'd have a night time… Right? Yes, definitely. Yup. And it would be cooler. So much cooler that he would freeze in how wonderfully cold it most definitely would be.

These thoughts kept him preoccupied as he walked, and they were only occasionally interrupted by thoughts of culling and Equius's glasses on his face.

OhgogEquius'sglasseswereonhisface.

Kanaya continued to walk dutifully next to Rose, holding her hand once more, with Jade and John falling in place behind them respectively. There was no big fuss made as they finally entered into the city's boundaries, but Rose was quick at work to try and figure out whether this metropolis was dominated by humans or trolls. At first, it appeared as if it were solely inhabited by humans, but upon further inspection she eventually located two young trolls; one in a record store and another sitting at a table outside of a café. It was a bit of a perplexing sight to behold; trolls and humans in the same area going about life as if there wasn't anything even slightly strange about it. Rose realized with little fanfare that to these inhabitants, at least, there _wasn't_ anything strange about it.

The city appeared to be constructed as any normal human city would be; skyscrapers and billboards, taxis and cars whooshing by. The group of eight stuck to the sidewalk, keeping close so as not to get separated in the crowds. Most of these everyday human things were unfamiliar to the trolls, and Terezi had long since abandoned her pinecone to scour over every scent that drifted to her sniffnodes. She'd now begun prattling on question after question to Dave who would give some smartass answer and then get whacked with her cane.

It was stupid.

Karkat's lips were pulled taut into an irritable line, and he quietly tried to figure out these sights by himself while pretending he wasn't listening to Terezi gush over Dave. Big deal, he knew about stupid human shit. That didn't make him a genius or anything. Aside from this, dark, hollow eyes tracked each and every one of the few trolls they passed, his frame tense and ready to bolt should any of them suddenly see through his sunglasses. None of them took much notice of him, though, despite being watched with increasing paranoia. They were too caught up in their own lives to notice a short, slumped over nubby horned troll with his arms crossed tightly over his waist. Now and then, the Cancer would look up at the back of his moirail's head, half expecting him to turn around with a murderous red gleam in his eyes. He quietly vowed to get some sopor slime back into the clown's system as soon as possible. This keeping an eye on him like he was some useless grub was annoying as fuck.

If Gamzee had been noticing foreign alien things, he didn't really appear to be affected by it. He continued on his steady, silent pace somewhere in front of Karkat but behind Terezi.

Kanaya took relish not in the strange things about this city, but rather in the few familiar things she could find. She had a soft smile on her face, one that grew with each troll she spotted. A little herd of tinkerbulls flew by overhead, and her grin turned into an all out beam; it was just like home. The rainbow drinker couldn't have been happier; her species wasn't extinct, they had this amazing new world to live in, and the human didn't instantly reject her feelings. Speaking of…

"Excuse me," Rose said, walking up to a woman waiting at a bus stop. "Is there a library in this city?"

The woman had a strange look on her face, and it was by no means a pleasant one. Her nose was wrinkled with repugnance as she sized up Rose before looking with at her and Kanaya's joined hands. She seemed hesitant, but after looking from them onto the rest of the group (in particular to the frightening looking troll with long horns and a creepy smile) she answered.

"Um… Yes. On the corner of 32nd and Wentworth," she said curtly, turning away from them as she spoke. "Now please, I don't want any trouble."

"Oh, well… Thanks," Rose answered, turning to walk away from her.

Rose raised an eyebrow, genuinely confused by the woman's icy reception. However, this was the city, so perhaps people here just weren't all that friendly. Even if that were the case, though, she had specifically looked at her holding hands with Kanaya. She released the troll from her grip and continued to walk on, trying to get her bearings in order to locate either 32nd or Wentworth.

Once they were out of earshot, Dave finally asked what the rest of the group had been quietly wondering.

"The fuck was that all about?"

"I'm not sure," Rose replied, a bit more quickly than she had intended. "Let's just try to find this library.

Kanaya's expression shifted back to one of neutrality, trying to mask her hurt and concern. That woman clearly seemed upset over she and Rose holding hands; was it because they were both female? The humans had mentioned something about same gender relationships not being as widely accepted in their species. Perhaps that was the problem? She continued to mull this over, now following Rose instead of walking beside her.

"Wait a second," Jade said suddenly, stopping the group and closing her eyes in concentration. "I think… I think we go this way."

The Witch of Space had had her god tier hoodie pulled up over her Bec sprite ears, and thusly appeared to look just like every other human. However, she was still merged with her powerful guardian and seemed to have kept some of her powers even in this new world. Though her eyes were closed, she could still clearly sense the world around her. After waiting a few minutes to make sure, she began to walk in the opposite direction of Rose, relying solely on… Instinct? It was the only word that came to mind, and yet it seemed fitting; she couldn't explain how she knew which way to go, she just did.

Fortunately for the group, (especially very short troll who was all but dragging himself behind them in this heat) as fate would have it they weren't all that far from the library. Jade lead them down two or three streets before coming across the intersection at 32nd and Wentworth.

"This is it," Jade said, stopping in front of a rather large building.

The library seemed to blend right in with the rest of the city, its grey walls and blocky structure matched as perfectly as if it had been made with a cookie cutter. In fact, the only real distinction it had from some of the other buildings was the word 'Library' etched across the top of it.

"This is the human literature hive?" Kanaya asked.

"Yes. We should be able to find some answers in here," Rose said, giving a slight nod. "And we should probably find some water too. The other three aren't looking so great."

Terezi cackled madly in response, already walking towards the door in hopes of some sort of respite from the heat.

"Oh my gog, it's so cool and delicious in here. Like a rainbow of squares on chocolate bar shelves," she called back, stretching out her arms to try and absorb the cold air of the library.

"It's cold in there? Fucking move!" Karkat said, now using what little energy he had left to shove past the rest of them to get into the building.

Gamzee sidestepped as the shorter troll hurried past, following behind with the rest of the group at his own pace.

"Jegus fuck, why isn't this entire shitty planet as cold as this?" Karkat grumbled, standing under the vent as soon as he located where the air was coming from.

A sudden 'thump' next to the Cancer's leg caused him to turn his attention from the cold air to the troll now lying next to him. Curiosity morphed his features as he looked down at Gamzee and tried to discern if he had fainted or something. The clown's eyes were open, though, and he still had that same lazy smile spread across his face as he lay there, staring at the ceiling. Terezi wandered over, poking him with her cane and snickering to herself.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you just going to lay there?" Karkat snapped, glaring at the Capricorn.

"Honk honk."

"Fuckass."

"Well, while you three play in the entrance," Rose said, trying to hold back a smile. "We're going to try and find some answers."

"Count me out," Dave chimed in, joining Terezi in poking the tall troll on the ground. "That book shit is boring. I'll babysit."

"Quit with your high and mighty asshat human words!" Karkat growled. "We're not your stupid pink squishy spawn so fuck off. Sit on something else."

"… Shit, I don't even know where to begin with how ridiculous that entire sentence you said was. Congratulations dude, you win this round. I won't sit on you so calm your tits."

Karkat threw his hands up in the air to show his exasperation, and Terezi smirked at the Knight. He certainly knew how to keep her entertained.

"Can I help, Rose?" John asked with a shrug.

"Of course. You, Jade and I can look through the books in our language," Rose directed. "Seeing as this is a human dominated city, the majority of books here will probably be in English. Kanaya," she turned to look at the glowing troll. "There must be a few Alternian books; do you think you could look through them?"

"It shouldn't be a problem," Kanaya said distantly, already walking towards the bookshelves.

The rainbow drinker had other things on her mind and her own questions that she wanted to have answered.

Rose nodded, her own mind trying to focus through its muddied thoughts to keep things on track. With that, the four broke away and headed into the main section of the library to find the answers to their many growing questions.


	3. W3'R3 R1CH GUYS! H3H3H3H

W3'R3 R1CH GUYS! H3H3H3H

The light shone down from the ceiling, illuminating Gamzee's lanky frame as he laid there staring into the artificial sun. Cool and refreshing, the library air had lessened his anxiousness considerably. The cold tiles his head was resting on were helping to ease the boiling heat in his frenzied mind as well. It was a motherfucking miracle.

"Get the fuck up," Karkat growled, poking the Capricorn's side with his foot. "I know you can hear me fuckass. People are starting to stare."

Gamzee didn't answer, but he turned his head slightly to grin at his moirail. He could cull this motherfucker. He could rip his throat open and paint mirthful pictures with that bright candy-colored blood. That blood redder than the frostiest brew of Strawberry Faygo; it could be the first of many in the dark carnival...

"No," the taller troll rasped softly.

Though he was staring at Karkat as he said this, he was more talking to himself; he wasn't going to kill the Cancer. That candy-blooded motherfucker was his best friend. He'd never hurt him; no matter how miraculous those paintings would be.

Karkat raised a curious eyebrow to the other; such a simple answer wasn't exactly the usual for Gamzee and it made the nubby horned troll nervous. His sharp teeth poked out to nervously gnaw on his bottom lip, and his gaze jumped from the Capricorn on the ground to the library patrons passing by. They all carried similar looks of confusion at the sight; it wasn't every day that two trolls were in the library, much less randomly laying on the ground.

"Busybody nooksniffers… The fuck are you all staring at?" Karkat snapped, having finally had enough of the gawking.

This tactic worked quite well, and the humans scattered quickly. The short troll grumbled to himself, studying the Bard of Rage once more. The taller troll had a fairly dazed expression, but it wasn't his usual, sopor slime induced appearance. Throwing up his hands in defeat, Karkat finally gave up and sat down next to Gamzee, glaring through Equius' sunglasses at the troll's dopey expression.

The gangly troll clearly wasn't going to be going anywhere anytime soon. Oh well, it wasn't like Karkat had anything better to do right now anyway; the four nerds were inside reading and Strider and Terezi had wandered off somewhere after finally getting bored with poking Gamzee. The Cancer knotted his fingers in his hair as he thought of the blind troll girl. It wasn't fucking fair; Terezi should have been his, not Dave's. It was too late now, though, and she had a new candy blooded guy to fawn over. Karkat lightly dug at his scalp with his claws, trying to come to terms with the fact that she and the human were probably off somewhere having sloppy makeouts. Dave would make some stupid 'ironic' statement that Terezi would gush over and-

Gamzee's half-lidded, indigo eyes continued to stare as he smiled at Karkat, now wondering what the shorter troll was getting so worked up over. The Cancer was messing up his hair something fierce and grumbling to himself as he sat there. Karkat always took himself so seriously; it was probably why he was so angry and stressed out all the time. Motherfucker needed to chill out. Gamzee quietly thought this over in the haze of his mind; he should say something to calm down his moirail.

"Stop that motherfucking noise," the Capricorn growled, suddenly murderous eyes a contrast to his lazy smile.

Ok, that was a little bit less than comforting.

Gamzee couldn't help it; his mind was a chaotic discord of violence and anxiety. He was in this new world completely sober and it was hard enough just to ignore the thoughts of mirthful murders. He slowly blinked at Karkat, who was now looking quite perturbed, before finally moving to sit up as well. The Cancer flinched some, keeping an eye on him with a stiff, unwavering gaze. Or at least, the Capricorn imagined he was doing as much behind those broken sunglasses.

"… Honk."

"Shut the fuck up. Saying 'honk' doesn't make you any less terrifying," Karkat mumbled, trying to keep up his bravado. "Fuckass clown."

* * *

"200 years ago? Are you sure?" Jade asked, looking over Rose's shoulder at the book she was reading.

"That's what these books say," the Seer confirmed as her eyes skimmed the text once more. "Though it felt like we managed to get through that tear in space in a matter of seconds, we must have somehow traveled through centuries of time as well."

Jade stared at the book, disbelief written all over her face, and she slowly made her way back to an unoccupied chair.

Rose, John, and she had all taken to a vacant table in the library to convene and gather research on this strange new world. They'd been at this for a good hour now and were finally starting to get some answers. Well, she and Rose were, anyway. Kanaya was off somewhere else amidst the shelves upon shelves of books, undoubtedly trying to track down Alternian literature and John… The Witch of Space glanced over to the boy who was leaning a little too far back in his chair. John had been spending most of this time entertaining himself with this little balancing act, having barely made it past the first three pages of the book in front of him.

"But… That means that our scratched guardians," Jade murmured, sitting down in the uncomfortable library chair.

"They're probably already gone," Rose finished, a slight frown crossing her face.

The Seer of Light wasn't quite sure how to feel about all of this. On the one hand, she had been looking forward to getting some answers from her mother. On the other, well, she and her mother had never been all that close. She couldn't help but feel a bit guilty at her lack of emotion over the whole situation. When it came down to it, though, it was simply hard to miss someone who she hadn't really known that well.

"Okay," John said with his usual hint of confusion. "So these trolls just randomly showed up here alien invasion style? Like in the movies?"

"… Something like that."

"But where did they come from?"

Rose said nothing, opening the book she'd placed off to the side once more to try and find some answers. The text was by no means a complete recollection of the entire history of events that lead to this strange world. It was very clearly written by humans for humans and as such didn't have a very comprehensive explanation about the trolls. Of course the matter of the new species was mentioned, but it was by no means elaborated on or fully explained. Finally, deciding she'd gotten as much information as she could from the book, Rose closed it and let out a soft sigh.

"That I don't know," she confessed, rubbing her temples. "What I do know is that in this world, though humans and trolls are both here, it doesn't seem to be a very complacent existence."

"… Complacent?" John asked, turning once more to Jade.

"Er, they don't get on very well," the Witch of Space clarified, smiling to herself.

"What makes you say that?"

"John, look around you," Rose said, motioning towards the rest of the library. "Do you see any trolls in here?"

"Does Kanaya count?"

And then there was a double facepalm combo courtesy of both Rose and Jade.

"Let me try to explain it a different way," Rose said, taking a slow breath before beginning. "According to this book, around 200 years ago an alien race, the trolls, arrived bent on galactic conquest. They tried to take over the planet by force and this erupted into an all out war between the two species. Apparently humans met the superior technology of the trolls with a much larger population, but it was pretty back and forth for a while as the sides seemed evenly matched. The war lasted a good twenty seven years before a tentative peace agreement was reached after such a long stalemate."

"Oh, I think I get it," John said, quickly grabbing the lip of the table as he almost fell backwards on his chair.

"I'm glad to hear it. But I still wish we could find some answers as to where those trolls came from," Rose said, her lips drawn in a taut line as she tapped a finger on the table. "They couldn't be from another timeline; paradox space would have ensured that they were killed off by now. The only thing that seems to make sense to me would be that they're-"

"From another session. Our session, to be precise."

Rose turned to face Kanaya who was walking up to them with several thick books in tow. Based on the foreign writing on the spines, the human correctly assumed that the rainbow drinker was successful in her quest for history books written in Alternian. She silently watched as the troll set her books down onto the table.

"From your session? Would it be safe to guess that you found some useful information then?"

"I'm not sure if 'useful' would be the best word. You see, the things that I found out aren't exactly the most auspicious in nature. I wish I could report otherwise, of course, but despite this fact I'm afraid that's simply not the truth of the matter. What I've learned is informative, to be certain, but having read up on the events that lead to this coexistence of trolls and humans, I'd hardly say that it's a useful discovery."

"Kanaya, you're rambling again," Rose chimed in, a playful smirk on her lips.

"Sorry, I'll try to be brief," the Virgo replied, taking a quick breath to calm down. "… Unlike humans, we trolls are not raised by adults. As you've already been told, we're raised by lusii who we're paired with after emerging victorious from the dangerous trials in the brooding caverns. I can tell you all about it later if you'd like, but for now let's just say that some… Complications arose with the adults living on Alternia. Her Imperious Condescension, our empress, banished all of the adults to space to pursue galactic conquest. At least, that was what we were told."

The glowing troll's face fell to the research in front of her, almost glowering at it like it were some vicious enemy. Rose looked at her expectantly, but could see that she was having a bit of trouble finishing.

"Was that not the case?" the Seer asked.

"Well, from what I can gather from these books," Kanaya paused again, claws lightly digging grooves into the table. "It sounds more like they fled Alternia to start over somewhere new. That is to say, they left us all to cope with the Vast Glub and its wake while they sought safety."

"That doesn't sound very nice," John said, twiddling his thumbs nervously. "So, the trolls that came to this planet then, those were the adults from your session?"

"That's the troublesome bit I was just getting to," Kanaya said, looking Rose dead in the eye to convey the weight of her next revelation. "It was them back then… And it still is."

"Wait, what?" Jade perked up, a slight movement in her hoodie letting them know that her ears had flickered at this bit of information. "Still is? You mean that they could still be alive?"

"There's no 'could' about it. Trolls higher up on the hemospectrum tend to have much longer life spans than those on the lower end," Kanaya replied. "According to these texts, The Condesce arrived with an entire fleet ready to colonize; matriorb in tow and everything. It would appear that she wasn't the only one of our ancestors either."

"Ancestors?"

"I'll explain later, the point is this: both The Condesce and The Grand Highblood arrived around 200 years ago. The Condesce is still our empress, as she was back on Alternia, and The Grand Highblood is under her command as the leader of the subjugglators. As far as we're concerned, this also places all the land dwelling trolls at the mercy of him and the other highbloods."

"And this is… Bad?" John queried again, trying very hard to follow all of this.

"Well, in a way, I suppose both yes and no," the Virgo said, adjusting in the hard seat of the wooden library chair. "If the dynamic were the same as it had been back home, then I would imagine that life for us trolls would remain ultimately unchanged. We'd still be under the previous rule, what with the same people still in charge. However," she paused, jade eyes glancing towards the ceiling as she tried to figure things out. "We were all living on Alternia at a time when the adults had already vacated the planet. Now that we're to be living among them, I fear that we'll be subject to the same violent existences that our ancestors so infamously lived through."

There was a stretch of silence for a few minutes as Kanaya finished, in which the group of four seemed to be at a loss for words. John was quite literally so as he hadn't made heads or tails out of most of that explanation.

"I see," Rose said finally, breaking the silence. "I must say Kanaya, and I hope you won't take this as me making light of your situation, but the complexities of troll society are quite fascinating. Would you consider it bothersome to further elaborate on troll history and these, what did you call them, 'complications'?"

Kanaya smirked, tilting her head back down to look at the human, "So you want me to ramble?"

"I believe that, for once, the situation actually calls for that exact word."

* * *

Tap, tap, tap.

Terezi's cane rapped against the ground in a steady beat as she walked along, the Knight of Time strolling alongside her nonchalantly. Every now and then, the blind troll would try and trip him up, shifting the cane in front of him or tapping near his foot, but he'd yet to falter even slightly. In fact, his head was now lightly nodding in time to the taps, keeping tempo with it as if it wasn't even a thing.

"Yo, that's a tight beat," Dave said before busting out some sweet rhymes. "Tighter than this planet full of crazy ass trolls, bitches say we got here through some trippy space holes. I don't give a shit. Sit and spit some words like-"

"Hey coolkid," she interrupted playfully, tapping the cane in front of him once more. "You should trip over this stick. The floor smells scrumptious."

"That's a thing that's not going to happen," Dave said, casually stepping over the cane once more. "If it's that tasty, though, feel free to let your face and the floor get better acquainted. I'll be the fucking priest of that wedding. Terezi, you may now kiss the floor."

"Bluh, bluh, bluh," the Libra said boredly, stretching her arms. "Where are we going anyway? Are we going to get this party started?"

"Again with the damn parties."

"Heheheh."

Strider continued to walk on through the halls of the library, his head turning now and then as if he were looking for something. Terezi sniffed around as if she were also looking, though she'd yet to be told what exactly they were questing for.

"Gog Dave," she said with mock exasperation. "Are we going to a real place? Or is this some sick human trick to get a poor blind girl to wander around in circles?"

"It's actually both of those things."

"Really?"

"Nope."

"Your lies reek. You're the most awful of coolkids."

"Yup."

"Is that part of your irony too?"

"Yup."

Terezi couldn't help herself; she busted out laughing at Strider's chilled responses, holding her sides as she leaned against the wall. He always tried so hard to act like nothing ever fazed him. It was so cute how he thought he was such a little badass!

"Sweet, I found one," Dave said suddenly, running towards a soda machine against the wall. "I have tracked down the illusive and wild soda beast."

"Soda beast? Is that some human fauna?" the Libra snickered, now leaving the wall to make her way over to him. "Smells like a colorful box with tasty buttons to me."

"Nah man, this here's a soda beast."

"I'm a girl."

"When did that happen?"

Terezi began giggling again, drubbing the soda beast with her cane and poking at its many colorful buttons.

"If we fight it and emerge victorious," Dave went on, clenching his fist because this was serious business. "We can drink its delicious carbonated blood."

"Ooh, is it candy blooded like the rest of you humans?"

"Sometimes. Other times it's got rainbow blood like your freaky troll anatomy."

"My blood's teal!"

"Don't care."

"Bluuuuh."

Dave began to carefully inspect the soda machine, trying to decide between pressing all of the buttons with Terezi, or just taking out his broken sword and slicing the damn thing in half. Out of habit, he glanced over to the coin slot, as if knowing how much the soda would cost would help in this freaky new universe. They probably didn't even have money or something. He looked at the little red writing on the digital screen, five boondollars, and then glanced down to Pyrope who was licking the sides of the machine. Trolls sure were weird.

Wait, hold up.

The Knight slowly turned his sunglass shielded eyes back to the digital display; that couldn't be right. Maybe his mind saw that for ironic purposes, to play a joke on him. Good one brain. Same to you Dave. Cool.

This is stupid.

Strider studied the digital screen more carefully this time, his eyebrows raising slowly as he put the pieces together in his mind.

Five boondollars.

Five. Boondollars.

Five.

_Boondollars._

But if this world used boondollars than that meant…

"Woah, stop the crazy horseshit express."

"There's no human hoofbeast here. Why? Are you going to do some fancy flipping off a handle? I warned you about handles bro," Terezi answered, cackling once more.

"It's no big deal or whatever," the Knight answered, pushing a few strands of blonde hair away from his sunglasses. "Just turns out we're fucking loaded."

"Loaded?"

"More than Jade's sickest assault rifle."

Well, that was sufficiently ironic.


	4. motherfucking MOTEL MIRACLES Do:

motherfucking MOTEL MIRACLES :o)

Karkat closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh as he reflected on their first day in this new world. The soft sounds of water running in the ablution trap served as the only disruption in the silence of the respiteblock. They'd booked a night in a multi-block overnight hive stem; the humans had called a 'motel'.

"_What the fuck do you mean 'rich'?" Karkat snapped. "Is this some wiggler brained scheme to try and make us look like assholes?"_

"_Don't be so crabby Karkles!" Terezi said, brushing off his anger. "It's true. Apparently this world uses boondollars."_

"_Wait, you mean that shitty fakey fake money that we got during our games? Bullshit!"_

"_It's so true you don't even know midget troll," Dave said coolly, leaning against the wall._

"_Piss off! Go be moronic somewhere else."_

"_I'll be ironic wherever I want to be. Don't like it? Go buy a shitty canoe and cry me a river. Then I'll buy that river cause we're rich as hell."_

It was already pretty dark outside, and this subtle change was a very welcome relief to the Cancer. Trolls were usually nocturnal, but it appeared that now they were going to be sticking with the strange human sleeping cycle. His red and yellow eyes opened, glancing towards the door of the ablution trap and then back to the glowing screen of his husktop. Never had he been more thankful for the fetch modus than when they'd crashed on this crazy planet. Karkat glared at his Trollian, noting the fact that the timeline feature had been disabled. They were all just going to have to be linear now, whether they liked it or not.

"_Well, this is quite a fortunate turn of events for us," Rose said sagely. "With the new dynamic of this world to cope with, it'll be nice not to have to worry about poverty."_

"_There's a new dynamic?" Terezi snickered, tilting her head. "Trolls and humans in a delectable slurry aren't the new dynamic?"_

"_We've got a lot to tell you guys."_

From there, the human had told them all that this was a new world with the same fucking rules as the old one. The nubby horned troll had taken this news both as a blessing and a curse; though it was familiar, it meant he still had to live in fear. His foot absentmindedly kicked at the broken sunglasses next to his feet; yeah, he definitely needed to find a better solution than this shit.

The group's focus had then turned to finding a place to stay for a while, a sort of base until everyone could deal with things on their own. Apparently, though, in this city there weren't any interspecies cohabitation 'motels' (much to Karkat's delight) so the group had been forced to separate. Karkat and the other trolls had decided upon this multi-block overnight hive stem while the humans were a little ways up the road. Seeing as each respiteblock only had two recuperacoons at the most, the trolls had been made to separate further; Kanaya and Terezi paired off to stay in one block while he and Gamzee were in this one.

It wasn't exactly the shittiest place in the world, Karkat decided, but it wasn't nearly as comforting as his own respiteblock at home had been. It was sparsely decorated, and there was very little in terms of furniture; one black recuperacoon on either side of the block, one of which he was currently leaning against, a couch, and a television on a table against the wall. There was also a small thermal hull down the same hall as the door to the ablution trap, but it had been empty no matter how many times the Cancer had opened and shut it. As if to remind him of this fact, a loud grumbling came from his stomach and he slumped over, letting out a frustrated sigh.

A slow hiss came from the ablution trap, letting Karkat know that Gamzee was finally done in there. For a few minutes, he watched the door expectantly, waiting for the clown remerge. When nothing happened, he turned his attention back to his husktop, trying to determine whether or not he wanted to answer Egbert.

- - ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

EB: karkat!  
EB: hey, are you there?  
EB: we were thinking about going out to get some food.  
EB: did you guys want to come too?  
EB: it could be fun!  
EB: what do trolls like to eat anyway?  
EB: terezi and kanaya are going…

Oh, fuck no. Now he definitely wasn't going to answer this dumpass. No way was he going to sit there and try to make nice with the human and troll clusterfuck party for a second time that day. Once was more than enough to last him for sweeps.

EB: ok, well, i guess you're not there.  
EB: later karkat!

- - ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -

"What are you doing best motherfucking friend?"

Karkat yelped, knocking his husktop over and hitting his head on the recuperacoon as he failed to hastily abscond backwards. His surprise quickly turned to anger as he glared into the dopey, smiling face of his moirail who had hunched over considerably to meet him at eye-level.

"_Hold up a motherfucking second," Gamzee said, walking away from the group suddenly._

"_What the fuck. Get back here dumbass!" Karkat yelled, hurrying after him. "Where the fuck are you going? Don't fucking wander off!"_

_ The taller troll ignored him, casually strolling back and into the convenience store they had passed._

"_I need to all up and get something," he whispered to no one in particular._

Gamzee was wearing his freshly applied makeup, one towel awkwardly wrapped around his hair and horns while a second hung loosely at his hips. Karkat pushed back against his bare chest, and the lanky troll effortlessly fell back on his ass.

"Honk."

"Put your clothes back on fuckass!" the Cancer growled, picking up his husktop and storming over to the couch. At least now he knew what the hell Gamzee had been doing so long in there.

The Capricorn slowly blinked in confusion, and then looked down to his towel skirt.

"Motherfuck," he murmured with a hint of malice, now intensely studying the fabric. "These aren't my bitching pants."

"Yeah, no human hoofbeast shit," Karkat answered irritably, more preoccupied examining his husktop for scratches.

Had the Cancer been paying a little more attention to the other, he probably would have picked up on the subtle changes in his expressions. However, he really just couldn't have been expected to be prepared when a furious, towel-clad Gamzee pinned him down on the couch.

"The fu-"

"Well where the fuck are they motherfucker?" the Bard of Rage yelled, the yellow of his eyes slowly shifting to a more orange tint. "Answer me strawberry blooded motherfucker!"

Karkat froze, frightened gaze locked on the taller troll as his poor husktop, once more, fell to the ground. Gamzee's claws dug into his shirt, shaking him with a sudden, violent force.

"Honk honk. What's wrong motherfucker?" he said, a wavering laugh sprinkled through his words. "Don't got any words to speak at my motherfucking think pan? Praise the mirthful messiahs, it's a motherfucking miracle!"

This was absolutely terrifying.

The clown's sadistic smile continued to stretch impossibly wider, splitting his demented appearance in half. Karkat continued to gawk up at his moirail, stupefied and now trembling with fear. Those sharp claws dug through his shirt, suddenly, tearing five shallow marks into his flesh. Red began to well up in the scratches, and it had been just the stimulation that the nubby horned troll had needed to snap out of his frightened trance.

Karkat reached up a shaky hand to Gamzee's cheek, his eyes trained on the Bard's own, slowly reddening ones. The Cancer gently cupped the taller troll's cheek, softly papping him. This didn't appear to have an instantaneous effect on the raging Gamzee, but it did seem to keep him from going farther. His orangey-red and indigo eyes focused to the side, watching Karkat's hand as it touched his cheek, but his claws stayed flexed in the Cancer's chest. It was as if this small action had turned him to stone.

"Shhh," the nubby horned troll shooshed and now added a second hand to pap Gamzee's chest.

They stayed like that for a little while, and Karkat was more than a little impressed at the towel's ability to hold onto the Capricorn's thin hips. He really didn't think he could handle it if Gamzee went from towel-clad to stark nude on top of him.

Wow, that was a really awkward fucking thing to think just then.

After a few minutes, the taller troll finally climbed off of him, eyes now returned to their previous indigo and yellow color scheme. The Bard studied his slightly bloodied claws for a second before reaching up and wiping them on his now drooping head towel. Walking away from Karkat, he turned to look at a little lump of black with grey spots near the bathroom.

"Honk honk!" Gamzee said triumphantly, retrieving his dirty clothes off the ground.

"Jegus fuck. I'm stuck in this respiteblock with a psycho fuckass clown," Karkat grumbled, trying to appear as unaffected as he could while, yet again, picking up his husktop.

The Cancer glared at the thing and finally just closed it; his hands were far too shaky to even think of messing around with touchy programming shit. He glowered at his slight trembling and clenched his hands into two angry fists. What was he, some petrified grub at the first of the trials? He was Karkat fucking Vantas! The Knight of Blood, creator of the creators of this shitty universe, and owner of all of the hatred. All of it! In addition to this, he was nine and a half sweeps old! Surely he was far too mature to be scared out of his think pan by stupid ass psychopaths.

Now fully reinvigorated with this self pep talk, Karkat puffed out his chest and readied the full fury of his being to confront his troublesome blockmate. Turning to face Gamzee, his mouth gaped in shock and he quickly covered his eyes.

"Don't fucking change here! Go in the gogdamn ablution trap you taintchafing fuck!" he yelled, cheeks flushed a bright red.

"Honk?"

"No! No fucking honk! So help me you keep that fucking shitty human rectangle cloth around your waist or I'll shove it so far up your nook you'll shit fluff for sweeps!"

Gamzee ceased his attempt to try and remove the barely hanging on towel and instead did as he was told, going into the bathroom. He kept the door open, though, much to Karkat's chagrin.

Now the Capricorn's moirail was all up and mad at him again. That motherfucker needed to chill out some. He eventually found his pants right where he'd left them, all staying there without being told. It was a motherfucking miracle.

Gamzee twisted and stretched to maneuver his horns through the shirt, paying little attention to the fact that it was a bit smelly and wet from their walking about earlier. He'd already gotten his spotted pants on, though the top of them had yet to be buttoned, and he finally popped the rest of his head through his shirt's head hole. He stood still then, zoning out at the sight of his own reflection, when a soft rumbling noise resonated through the bathroom. The tall troll looked around in confusion, trying to figure out what had made the noise. It hadn't lasted very long, but he wanted to know what had done it all the same. He began to inspect the sink and its surrounding toiletries when suddenly the noise came again. Wait, he knew that noise! The Capricorn lifted up the bottom of his shirt, smiling even wider at the sight of his stomach growling for a third time.

"Karbro," he said, releasing his shirt and leaving the bathroom. "I've got the munchies. Let's get some motherfucking food."

Karkat was sitting on the couch still, and he glanced over to Gamzee as he reentered.

"Oh really? No shit? No fucking shit?" the Cancer snapped sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "And what exactly should we eat on this shitstain of a planet? We can't all live off your fuckass swill and sopor slime."

Gamzee's eyes darted back and forth between the two recuperacoons at the mention of the slime pies he use to enjoy. He still had yet to consume any, but not for lack of trying. Every time he thought of devouring the delicious, think pan numbing substance his already erratic thoughts went into a frenzy. The pink of his tongue slipped out to lick at his bottom lip; he only had the foggiest recollection now of what it felt like to be in his comfortable, fuzzy haze. He knew he was dangerous like this; he was unstable, and the voices were only getting louder. What's worse, they were loudest around Karkat. They reverberated in his mind whenever he looked at his moirail; fixated on those taunting, candy red eyes.

Eyes the color of blood drenched miracles.

"Shit motherfucker," Gamzee said finally, shaking his head as if that would magically get rid of the voices. "I spaced out a little."

"Dumbfuck clown," Karkat answered, now getting up from the couch. "Whatever. This pathetic multi-block overnight hive stem must have something to eat. Even if it's a tasteless pile of decomposed festering musclebeast shit… It'll be better than nothing. Come on."

With that, the nubby horned troll grabbed his sunglasses and stormed out of the respiteblock, not even waiting for a response from the lanky troll. He slipped on the eyewear and began to walk off. It wasn't that he was trying to be especially cooperative at the moment; he was just pretty fucking hungry still. Can't a guy just get fucking hungry now and then? Do they need some sort of ulterior motive to just be pretty fucking hungry right now?

This is stupid.

Gamzee aloofly followed behind, closing the door after him. He gradually caught up to the shorter troll, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his baggy, grey spotted pants. Silently trailing behind, he kept his muddled mind busy with thoughts of the many flavors of his wicked elixir. Maybe there'd be Faygo somewhere in this motel; he could sure go for an orange brew right about now…

Karkat continued to navigate his way through the multi-block overnight hive stem, tilting his cartilage nub upwards to try and catch a whiff of something tasty. He made sure to keep a good distance ahead of the Capricorn, but didn't walk so fast as to lose track of him. Every now and then, he'd glance back to make sure his moirail hadn't spontaneously snapped and started killing something. Gamzee was still plodding steadily behind, though, with that ever present smile pulled across his face. The Cancer eventually located a building with the word 'information' written across the top in Alternian.

"Finally! Jegus fuck," he grumbled, hurrying inside.

A teenage troll, no more than eight sweeps at most, stood at the desk. She raised an eyebrow to the pair and quite noticeably tilted her head up and then back down.

"We're fucking hungry. Where do you keep the gogdamn food?"

"… Um, sir, this is a motel," the employee answered.

"I fucking know what this is you grub minded fucktard!" Karkat growled, slamming a fist on the desk.

"Well then you should know that we don't serve food here," she snapped back, meeting his angry gaze with one of her own. "There are several brochures for restaurants in the area in your respiteblock."

"Bullshit! There weren't any-"

"In the drawer," she cut him off curtly, light green eyes studying his cracked sunglasses. "The one in the table your television sits on?"

There was a drawer in that table?

"… Bluh bluh bluh!" Karkat growled, flipping her off and walking back out of the building. "Huge fucking bitch."

Still following behind his moirail, Gamzee's stomach began to sound off once again. His face skewed some and he looked down his shirt, pulling up the bottom of it to examine his belly.

"Honk."

"What now?" the Cancer spat, hurrying in the direction of their respiteblock.

"It's a miracle," Gamzee said dreamily. "My stomach's all up and spitting some motherfucking rhymes at my think pan."

"… You did not just fucking say that."

"I didn't? Whoa. Mira-"

"Shut the fuck up! Don't make anymore fuckass shitty clown reference words. None of them. None of the words."

"You got it best motherfucking friend."

"Thank fucking gog."

"Honk honk."

Karkat threw his hands up in the air, yelling out an unintelligible stream of curses before reaching into his pants pocket and withdrawing the key to their respiteblock. He wasted no time in unlocking the door and stomping over to the table drawer, pulling out a fistful of various brochures.

"Here! Jegus fuck, use your think pan on this shit," he growled, throwing the various papers at Gamzee. "I couldn't give two flying horseshits less about whatever the fuck you decide to shove down your protein chute. Just fucking make sure that whatever the fuck you order comes with grub sauce."

The crabby troll then stormed off into the ablution trap, slamming the door hard behind him. With how hungry and tired he was, he really just wanted to scarf something down and go to sleep.

Hearing the water switch back on in the ablution trap, Gamzee correctly assumed that Karkat had decided to get his scrub on. He scratched behind one of his horns through wavy, still drying black hair and pondered the task at hand. He'd failed to catch the papers when the nubby horned troll threw them at him, and he was now skimming over the jumbled words of brochures that had fallen to the ground. An idea came to him, then, and he closed his eyes, reaching down to mix the papers up. Of course, he'd let the mirthful messiahs decide what he and Karbro would eat. His claws finally locked onto one of the brochures, and he pulled it up to look at what he'd selected. The Capricorn's eyes instantly lit up as he saw a picture of an orange Faygo bottle on the front of the brochure for a 'pizza' place.

Motherfucking miracles.


	5. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT FASHION?

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT FASHION?

Light seeped in through the blinds, illuminating the majority of the respiteblock. If it hadn't been for the long missed, comforting envelopment of the recuperacoon's sopor slime, this surely would have served as a wakeup call.

It was in this familiar warmth that Kanaya slept, curled up peacefully but dreamlessly. Had she been awake, she might have pondered upon whether or not she and the trolls would ever really dream again, but she was too busy being all asleep to question these matters.

No, it was actually Terezi who was the first one to awaken of all people, or trolls, and she stretched a bit before emerging from the opening of her recuperacoon across from Kanaya's. She gave the frigid block air a quick sniff and determined that the other troll must still be sleeping. The memories from last night slowly drifted back to her, and she couldn't help but snicker some to herself as she did a few light stretches. Picking up her clothes from the floor, Terezi gave them a quick sniff and wrinkled her nose before dropping them once more. She had only had the one pair of clothes on her, which had gotten quite stinky, when she'd left the ship and her flarping uniform. The illustrious Neophyte Redglare costume, though, was only to be worn in super serious situations. Like for when she would be practicing her legislacerator skills. Since this planet was inhabited by trolls, she'd need to brush up on her skills via some intense roleplaying.

Bluh, bluh, bluh.

In truth, the ever fashion minded Kanaya had been the only one of the trolls to have various separate outfits in her fetch modus when they'd landed in this world. The Libra made a mental note to ask to borrow a set of clothes from her once she got up. For now, though, a shower was in order as she hadn't ever really gotten around to it the previous night.

Ah, last night… They had all finally just gone out and had fun together.

Well, everyone minus a crabby, nubby horned troll and his moirail.

Turning the bland silver knobs of the shower, Terezi set the water to a nice, lukewarm temperature and stepped in. None of the little overnight multi-block hive stem shampoos smelled any different from each other, so the Libra simply plucked whichever one was closest to her and began working her hair into a nice lather.

"_What is this coolkid food? Is this how you get the energy to be so sassy all the time?"_

"_Nah, that's actually the drink that does that thing."_

_ The female troll began giggling again, playfully drubbing Dave's leg with her cane. She, Kanaya, and the four humans were all sitting around a table in some nutrition hive called 'McDonald's'. An aroma of different smells flooded the Libra's sniffnodes, and her nose shifted this way and that to paint a delicious mental picture for her._

"_Wait a second," she said suddenly, carefully examining a strange myriad of scents that wafted to her. "It's a scrumptious rainbow bouquet of cylinders… What is it?"_

"_Oh shit," the Knight dramatically slammed his hands down on the table. _

"_It's shit?"_

"_No dude, it's the opposite," Dave went on, walking towards the cluster. "That's only the coolest of human inventions; a playplace."_

Terezi was torn from her memory as a bit of shampoo suds fell into her eye. She let out a slight yelp and quickly began to try and flush out the useless thing. Red eyes were quickly filled with water and she eventually got rid of the intruding substance.

"_Best human invention ever!" the blind troll declared excitedly, finally reaching the bottom of the lemony slide._

_ Dave was somewhere inside of the tunnels when she had run off to try out the winding half-cylinder, so she quickly climbed back up the plastic steps and commenced the hunt for him. Fortunately, at this time of night no one was really at the McDonald's except for them, so they had free reign of the playplace. The rest of their group was somewhere inside not being awesome and playing in this human child recreational thing. Terezi didn't really care, though; the coolest kid in their group was somewhere in this playplace and she was going to find him._

_ After about ten minutes of rigorously searching through each and every tunnel, the blind troll deduced that Dave was not in fact hiding in them. She cackled aloud; it appeared that this would be the start of a new game. It didn't take long for her to make her way over to the only spot she'd yet to look into; the ball pit. Standing at the opening of the fruity ball soup, she poked her cane into the massive horde and tried to locate the coolkid._

_ Terezi didn't have to search long, because suddenly her cane was grabbed and she was pulled along with it into the pit; another victim of the Strider shark._

The blind troll could no longer smell grime mixed in with the soap and lather, so it appeared that she was all clean. Turning off the water, she wrung out her hair and stepped out of the shower. It didn't take long for her to dry off with the help of the boring, colorless white towels. She wrapped one around her body, but decided to let her hair drip-dry as she reentered the main section of the block. Kanaya's scent filled her nose, and her face broke into a grin once more.

"Look who finally crawled out of the sopor slime," she snickered, walking over to the rainbow drinker. "Any chance a fashion dynamo would be willing to part with one of her outfits for a while to clothe a friend?"

Kanaya was already up and dressed in her usual outfit; a red skirt with a black shirt bearing her sign and blood color. She had been making her way over to her husktop when Terezi had appeared clad only in a towel, her hair making a trail across the floor in steady drips of water. She then spared a quick glance to the dirty pile of the blind troll's clothes lumped up on the ground.

"Of course," she said with a warm smile. "I've a few different choices, but personally I'd recommend my red ensemble. It would probably be the best fit for you as it would match with your red glasses. I mean, we'd have to find a way to get my sign off of the belt, unless you didn't mind. However, it could be troublesome if someone were to mistaken it as an accurate indication of your sign, and-"

"Barely up and already babbling," the Libra cackled, patting Kanaya's shoulder. "I'm kind of naked here. I don't care about signs or whatever. I'll take whatever you want to lend me."

"Oh," the glowing troll answered, retrieving the red outfit from her fetch modus. "Here you are then."

"Thanks! Ooh, delicious cherry and strawberries."

With that, the blind troll accepted the outfit from Kanaya and excitedly hurried back into the bathroom to change out of her towel-dress.

Kanaya's smile faded once Terezi walked off, and she sat up on the couch with her husktop. Little did the Libra realize that she had inadvertently brought up a very small but very real problem that resonated on their much bigger problem; none of them really had a full wardrobe. Not only did they not have clothes, but none of them really had anything but their money and whatever items had been stuffed in the captchalogue decks of their fetch modi. They really needed to get their acts together and get settled in this new world.

None of the trolls had living lusii anymore, and that meant no cozy, familiar hives established from such a young age. Kanaya concluded that they'd have to go out and find or build new hives on their own, which would probably mean that they would have to leave their human friends behind.

She would have to leave Rose behind.

This thought put a grim dampening on the Virgo's thoughts, and she quietly stared at the husktop still turned off in her lap for a few minutes. No, surely there were other options. This world didn't seem to encourage a mingling of trolls and humans, but that didn't mean it wasn't a thing, right? Perhaps there were various types of communities to suit the interests of different opinions. After all, the war between the humans and trolls had ended, so surely that meant that the gap was already being closed between them. Undoubtedly there'd be many places that were exclusively or predominantly populated by either trolls or humans, but there had to be somewhere out there where she could still be with the human she'd grown so fond of.

Kanaya turned on her husktop, her frown deepening as she thought through all of these troublesome topics. The previous night spent at McDonald's hadn't given her much insight into where she and Rose stood either. All of them had pretty much just made small talk, ate strange human food and enjoyed finally having a bit of peace. It had hardly seemed like an appropriate time to fully hash out her feelings for a human girl. Looking at her Trollian on the hologram screen, she tried to think of something to say to the Seer of Light. Should she just spit it out already and get this settled once and for all? Or perhaps she should start with something lighter and work her way into the topic? What if Rose didn't want to talk to her and just wanted to brush her feelings off as a little blip in their friendship?

The rainbow drinker's ears flicked as the door to the bathroom opened, revealing one Terezi in her stunning red outfit. This brought the smile back to Kanaya's face, and she mentally congratulated herself on being so fashionably adept.

"I smell tasty!" Terezi giggled, joining her on the couch.

"Yes, well, it does look good on you."

"So… Now what?"

"I was just wondering the same thing."

"Well, ask that smarty human girl," the blind troll said, tapping Kanaya's foot with her cane. "You know, your flush crush."

Kanaya tensed up some, her cheeks blushing a light jade. Terezi snickered at this, hovering over her shoulder to try and sniff out whether or not Rose was talking with her right then.

"I… How did you know?" the Virgo said defensively, pushing Terezi's face away.

"Jegus, Kanaya come on! It's only the worst kept secret in all of paradox space," the blind troll replied, shrugging slightly. "You two just seem awfully chummy lately, I may be blind but I'm not stupid. Heheheh."

"Oh, and what about you and Dave?" Kanaya said, trying to shift subjects. "You've hardly left his side since the second we landed."

"Bluh, bluh, bluh, who cares?" Terezi said, poking the husktop screen boredly. "Talk to Rose and let's figure out what to do next already. I don't want to be sitting around in this bland smelling respiteblock all day!"

Kanaya frowned a bit, but opened up a Trollian chat window to message Rose; after all, Terezi did have a point. It was time to make some real progress in their integration into life here.

- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

GA: Rose Are You Awake  
TT: What a coincidence, I was just about to message you.  
TT: Dave and John are getting ready in their own room right now.  
TT: They should be here shortly.  
TT: How are things in the troll motel?  
GA: Terezi And I Are Doing Quite Well In Our Respiteblock But I Havent Spoken With Gamzee Or Karkat Since Yesterday  
TT: I see.  
GA: Yes But I Am Sure They Are Enjoying Themselves As Well  
GA: I Believe They Ordered A Pizza Last Night  
GA: At Least That Is What I Gathered From The Yelling  
GA: But I Digress  
GA: Terezi Was Just Suggesting That We Convene With You And Come Up With A Plan Of Action For How To Proceed With Not Perpetually Staying In This Multiblock Overnight Hive Stem  
TT: Sounds like you're not doing quite as well as you'd originally let on.  
GA: Nothing Like That  
GA: There Is Just A Certain Lack Of Something Here  
GA: Warmth And Familiarity  
GA: If That Makes Any Sense  
TT: It makes perfect sense, I know what you mean.  
TT: Hotels are usually pleasant to stay in, but they could hardly be considered a suitable replacement for one's own dwelling.  
TT: I believe the saying is, "No place like home"?  
GA: I Wouldnt Know  
TT: Perhaps the phrase, "Hive sweet hive" would be more appropriate?  
GA: That Is Actually Quite An Interestingly Accurate Sentimentality  
GA: Did You Just Make That Up  
TT: I suppose you could say that.  
TT: Anyway, if I were to make a decision based on all of this, it would be that the best way to proceed would be to regroup.  
GA: Understood  
GA: I Will Go Check On The Others Then And Message You Once We Are Ready  
TT: Sounds like a plan.

- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

The rainbow drinker turned off her husktop and set it aside; her other concerns and questions could wait until later. Almost as if on cue, a loud 'FUCK' could be heard from the block on the other side of theirs, followed by a long string of yelling and honks.

"… Maybe we should wait a little while before getting Gamzee and Karkat."

* * *

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Karkat shouted, kicking every horn that he came across. "When the flying fucking hoofbeast shit did you even do this you clown fuckass? You're clearly not sopored out of your fucking think pan right now so really, enlighten me. What. The. Fuck."

A plethora of Gamzee's bike horns were strewn throughout their respiteblock, one of which Karkat had unwittingly stepped on. The nubby horned troll hadn't even seen it coming. He was just emerging from his recuperacoon, minding his own fucking business, when suddenly he had stepped on one of those gogdamn horns. Obviously scared shitless by this, he had jumped back and then proceeded to step on two more horns. Needless to say, he was now a little bit cranky; it hadn't exactly been the most relaxing way to start the day. Not that his night had gone much better, though.

After arguing with Gamzee over his horribly shitty choice in evening nutrition for them, the nubby horned troll had eventually tried a slice of the weird human 'pizza' beast. The Capricorn had managed to come through on the grub sauce, though, and Karkat had discovered that it made a perfect dip for the foreign food. With his stomach full, he had been anticipating a fairly pleasant night's rest; the first one in a long while. However, with another troll in the block, he just couldn't bring himself to feel comfortable with sleeping the way one usually sleeps in a recuperacoon; completely naked. So he'd climbed into the slime fully clothed which apparently inhibited the sopor slime's soothing effects. In addition to this, his clothes were even more disgusting and uncomfortable now. Karkat had managed to sleep somewhat through the night, but it wasn't very restful or refreshing and it had failed to remove the majority of those dark bags from under his eyes.

Said furious red eyes now darted around the block, trying to locate the troll who had sparked his rage first thing in the morning. His furrowed brows softened some, however, as he realized he couldn't find hide or horn of his moirail. Karkat scanned the mostly open area of the block, ignoring the ridiculous amount of horns covering the majority of the floor. The newly placed honk-flooring was occasionally interrupted by pizza box hives and empty bottles of Faygo littered throughout, but that had pretty much been all there was.

A bit less enthusiastic with anger now, Karkat's sharp teeth began to gnaw at the corner of his bottom lip. Okay, no reason to panic. He just couldn't really find his psychotic clown best friend… Nothing to be worried about.

Summoning up his courage, the short troll carefully maneuvered around the horns on the ground over to the opposite recuperacoon. He hesitated a moment, unsure as to whether or not Gamzee had shared his embarrassment in disrobing with someone else in the room.

Who the fuck was he kidding, the Capricorn started changing in front of him just yesterday; of course he wasn't going to give a shit.

Having a bit of a debate with himself over just how important it _really_ was to find his unstable moirail, Karkat finally decided that there was simply no choice; he'd have to take the chance that Gamzee was naked in there. They were best friends right? It wasn't even a thing that needed to be thought about. Who cares if he's naked? Karkat didn't. Nope, the Cancer didn't give a hairy musclebeast's ass about that.

Okay… Here goes then.

The nubby horned troll quickly looked into the recuperacoon, bracing himself for the worst. A relieved sigh slipped out with his breath as he found the slime to be completely empty. In fact it… It almost looked like nobody had slept in there at all.

Karkat froze, now feeling sufficiently concerned as fuck. No, no, stay calm. He has to be around here somewhere. Fuck, what had happened last night before he'd gone to sleep? The Cancer wracked his brain while he hurried towards the ablution trap, now completely ignoring and stepping on horn after horn on the ground.

"_Man, I haven't had a bitchtits bottle of Faygo in sweeps. Motherfucking miracle elixir Karbro."_

No, that memory's useless. Think of another one fuckass.

"_Yo, motherfucker," Gamzee called excitedly as Karkat returned from the load gaper. "Check it out."_

"_What the fuck is this shitfest?"_

_ The taller troll was proudly sitting next to a precariously stacked tower of sorts crafted from the empty pizza box hives and Faygo bottles._

"_I made a motherfucking miracle!"_

"_Where the fuck is the other pizza beast?"_

"_What? I don't remember another pizza…"_

"_Of course you don't! Your fucking think pan is rotted down to the lobe stem with fuckassery. When I went to the fucking load gaper there was still a whole pizza beast sitting in its box hive! What the fuck did you do with it?"_

"… _Now that you mention it motherfucker, I do kind of got my remembering on about that shit."_

"_Answer the question asshole. Where the fuck did the pizza beast go?"_

"_Down my motherfucking protein chute! Honk honk!"_

Jegus fuck, he was getting mad again just thinking of all that bullshit and he still hadn't figured out anything helpful. Drawing back the curtain of the ablution trap and looking into the mouth of the load gaper, Karkat soon concluded that Gamzee wasn't anywhere in the ablution trap either.

"_I'm fucking tired. You probably are too. Go to sleep asshat."_

"_You got it best motherfucking friend," Gamzee stated, half-lidded eyes staring at him with that creepy smile for a bit too long._

"… _Enough with the fucking gawking!"_

"_Oh, sorry Karbro. I was just all up and wondering if you were really going to sleep like that."_

"_Sleep like what you stupid fuck?"_

"_Shit motherfucker, with all them restricting bitches getting their cling on with you."_

"… _The fuck does that mean?"_

"_Honk. Your clothes motherfucker. Can you get any wicked z's with them on?"_

"_Fuck off. I'm not getting naked, I'll sleep fine. If it's that fucking important then feel free to strip down to nothing but your bare clown ass. I'm going to sleep in my clothes right now so get the fuck over it."_

"_You got it motherfucker! Honk honk! I think I'll kick it in dream land too… I just need a motherfucking minute or two."_

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Why the fuck hadn't he stayed awake until the Capricorn fell asleep? He should have known something ridiculous like this would happen. What if he'd gone out and culled all the trolls in the multi-block overnight hive? The Cancer decided he didn't really give a flying fuck about most of the trolls, especially the snippy one from last night, but Kanaya and Terezi were just next door. Did they get away in time? Fuck. This was bad. The clown was his moirail. His responsibility and he'd fucked up again. Fuck!

Karkat was too busy pacing the respiteblock and frantically looking for his blockmate to notice that there was one particularly massive pile of horns off in one corner of the block. Sure enough, deep underneath the hill of metal and plastic was a certain lanky troll, blearily waking up to the sound of honks flooding the respiteblock. It was a good thing too, and a welcome noise to Gamzee's auricular sponge clots.

The chipper horn honks were much less troublesome to his think pan than a cacophony of the mirthful screams of dying lowbloods.

The Capricorn tried to shake off the thoughts of his beautiful yet terrifying nightmares; he had to keep a level head. If he didn't stay in control, bad shit started happening to wicked motherfuckers. He wasn't going back there again, no motherfucking way. The clown had anticipated he'd have a fitful, unfiltered night of sleep when he gave up on trying to get in the sopor slime. He'd tried for a good hour, but his think pan had made it very clear; he wasn't going to be getting anywhere near that motherfucking slime. When he'd given up on that, he'd retrieved the bike horns from his fetch modus and gathered some of them into a pile. It wasn't as comfortable as sleeping in a recuperacoon would have been, but he'd eventually fallen asleep.

A sudden, very loud growl followed by the sound of foot contacting bike horn snapped Gamzee from his thoughts quite unexpectedly, and he popped out of the top of his horn pile with a startled 'honk' like a sort of fucked up jack-in-the-bitchtits-hornpile.

"Jegus fucking nooksniffing bulge sucker!" Karkat yelled, falling backwards onto even more horns.

"Whoa motherfucker," the taller troll said sleepily, relaxing from his sudden burst out of the makeshift sleeping spot. "You all up and scared the shit out of me."

"I scared the shit out of you?" Karkat yelled, enraged as he grabbed the Capricorn by his dirty shirt collar, dragging him down to his level. "I fucking scared the pizza beast and Faygo fuckfest shit out of you? Why the fuck aren't you in the gogdamn recuperacoon! You fuckass, I thought you'd flipped your dark carnival clown shit again!"

"Honk, chill best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said, all but a ragdoll as the nubby horned troll began to shake him.

"No! Fuck you! Do you have any shitstain of a fuck what I-"

The Cancer's tirade was interrupted by a soft, brisk knock on the door, and he dropped his moirail to storm over and spew rage all over whoever had dared to cut him off.

"What the fuck do you want?" Karkat snapped before opening the door.

The shorter troll felt like a bit of an ass then, as he revealed a slightly confused and fairly concerned looking Kanaya in the doorway with a snickering Terezi next to her.

"Jeez Karkles. Barely up and already crabbier than a wiggler after its nap."

"Fuck off! No one asked for your worthless as a steaming hot pile of musclebeast shit opinion."

Kanaya held up a single hand, silencing the both of them with the very serious, distressed look on her face. One look from Karkat to Gamzee had shown her everything she needed to see to decide for certain their first step in starting their integration into this world with the humans today.

This was a fashion emergency.


	6. Showers And Four Wheeled Beasts

**A/N: Hello everyone! I just wanted to take a quick second to thank you for your wonderful reviews and favorites and for just taking the time to read my fanfiction. It really means a lot to me that some of you care enough to take the time and give me feedback. I haven't been too big on the whole 'author note' thing, though, because I always feel like it's a bit distracting and unnecessary. I guess I just think, "... These bitches don't wanna hear what I have to say. XD They just want me to get on with the damn story!" But still, this is my first fanfiction, as I've mentioned, and I never dreamed of getting as much response as I've gotten so far. I really appreciate it and thusly deemed it a good idea to say so. To conclude, thanks to all of you and without further ado, I'm going to shut up now. Enjoy! :)**

Showers And Four Wheeled Beasts

- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

GA: Rose It Has Come To My Attention That We Have A Very Important Matter To Address Before We Can Sort Out Our Own Individual Dwellings  
TT: Oh?  
TT: And what exactly would this very important matter be?  
GA: Unlike Myself It Would Appear That None Of The Others Had Clothes In Their Fetch Modi  
GA: I Was Able To Lend Terezi One Of My Outfits Though  
TT: Well that was generous of you, which one?  
GA: The Red One  
TT: I'd imagine that that would go nicely with her red eyewear.  
GA: It Does  
GA: But Anyway  
GA: Gamzee Is Much Too Large To Borrow One Of My Ensembles  
GA: And Karkat Is Being Unreasonable  
TT: Are we really going to feign surprise at him not jumping at the chance to wear one of your dresses?  
GA: This Is A Good Point  
GA: But The Fact Still Remains That They Are Somewhat Repugnant In Their Current Condition  
TT: I see.  
TT: Am I to assume, then, that there is no facility present in the troll motel to clean their clothes?  
GA: I Am Not Sure About That Much  
GA: But Karkat Is Still Perverse On The Matter  
GA: He Absolutely Refuses To Hand Over His Clothes  
TT: So the two of them are wearing the same sweaty, smelly outfits they arrived in?  
GA: That Is Correct  
TT: This is quite distressing indeed.  
TT: Well then, for the sake of the air quality in your motel, we must take action.  
TT: Jade also brought up another issue that should be addressed, though this one is less dire, clearly.  
GA: You Dont Say  
TT: Oh but I do.  
TT: To surmise, she essentially pointed out that it's not very practical for those of us without some fancy glasses or earmuffs to be lugging around our computers everywhere to stay in touch.  
GA: That Makes Sense  
GA: But What Does She Suggest We Do As An Alternative  
TT: Well, that depends on whether or not the words 'cell phone' mean anything to you.  
GA: They Dont  
TT: Perhaps if I was a bit more descriptive then.  
TT: They're handheld devices that enable one to converse with others similarly to how a computer does, but with the benefit of vocal communication added in.  
GA: Such A Device Sounds Useful  
GA: But It Would Be Unheard Of  
GA: At Least  
GA: As Far As I Know  
TT: Welcome to the world of human ingenuity then.  
GA: Thanks  
GA: So We Will Be Getting Clothes  
GA: And  
GA: These Cell Phones Then  
TT: Precisely.  
TT: We'll be taking a taxi to where you four are staying, and from there we'll continue on with getting reintegrated into the world.  
GA: What Is This  
GA: Taxi  
TT: A fast, yellow, four wheeled beast that politely carries around humans in its belly under the stern direction of one smelly human who's often quite difficult to understand.  
GA: Sounds Fun  
TT: I'm sure that, if nothing else, it'll be quite an interesting experience.  
GA: We Will Be Waiting Outside Then

- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

Rose turned off her hubtopband and captchalogued it back into her sylladex. Turning back towards the others, she smirked some at Jade and John's eager, curious expressions. Dave, of course, was too busy maintaining his usual coolkid façade.

The four had managed to locate a very nice hotel with ease, and with their wealth they were even able to afford luxury suites. In all honesty, they each could have afforded their own suites. However, they were still adjusting and getting use to things and so had decided to pair up instead. They were currently in Rose and Jade's room which consisted of two fluffy queen sized beds, a black couch, a kitchenette, a flat screen television set and an ample amount of various other furniture. All of this was topped off by a gorgeous view of the city courtesy of a fairly enormous section of windows.

They were certainly living the good life.

This particular hotel was also relatively close to what appeared to be the nicest troll motel in the city. Being a largely human centered metropolis, Rose had been surprised that they had managed to find one at all. It certainly wasn't as nice as the humans' hotel, but they'd decided that it would just have to do. Either way, it didn't appear that the trolls cared all that much about such luxuries; a testament to their hardy nature.

"It appears we're all on the same page now," Rose said, moving to sit on one of the room's queen sized beds. "We just need to call a taxi and pick them up. We'll also need to go clothes shopping today. Kanaya has Terezi covered for now, but the three other trolls didn't bring extra sets of clothes."

"Really? No shit," Dave said boredly. "I hadn't picked up on that the entire time when we were on that flying rock and midget troll just wore that one damn outfit. You must be some kind of genius Rose."

"I do my best."

"Wait, so," John said now, electing to sit on the couch instead of one of the beds. "We're going to buy clothes? I thought we were going to get cell phones…"

"We'll be doing that too," Rose answered.

"So should we split up then?" Jade proposed, joining John on the couch. "Two of us going to get the cell phones while the other two keep the trolls out of trouble?"

Rose shook her head, lying back on the spacious bed, "No, I think it'd be best for us to stay together for now. At least until we've gotten the cell phones to allow for easier communication."

"We'll just do that shit first then," Dave said, the only one standing instead of sitting. "Real smooth like. The tech guy will be all, 'Hey, can I help you chill dudes out?' and we might let him help out, if he's legit enough. Maybe throw down some sick beats with him and walk out with the dopest phones in there. We're not doing that taxi stuff though; those things are all kinds of lame."

"Yes, well, I'm not sure how 'legit' a human tech guy would be with two smelly trolls following us around," Rose teased, raising an eyebrow at Dave's decline of a taxi. "We should at least get Gamzee and Karkat into something clean before attempting to mull through the paperwork for eight different cell phone plans. A simple pair of pants and a shirt should suffice."

"Oh man. They didn't use a washing machine or something?"

"It doesn't sound like it, no."

"Shit, those space aliens are going to smell nasty."

"Yes, well, from what I gathered it sounds like there might have been a washing machine there, but Karkat was being… Difficult."

"When isn't that obnoxious prick being difficult? What about the weird ass juggalo troll?"

"Do _you_ want to try and tell a psycho extraterrestrial clown what to do?"

"Touche."

"Isn't it pronounced touché?" Jade piped in, looking curiously to the Knight.

"Nah man. It definitely rhymes with douche."

This is stupid.

Jade rolled her eyes, a light smile on her face, and she walked over to the phone sitting on an end table next to her bed.

"Alright, enough of this silliness," she said, removing the phone from its cradle. "Shall I dial information for a cab?"

"Wait, don't worry about it yo," Dave said coolly, taking the phone from her with a slight smirk. "I'll handle it."

"Oh, thanks Dave! Only, maybe we should call two cabs. After all, I doubt all eight of us will fit into one."

The Knight went to a separate room with the phone, leaving the other three to their thoughts.

"We really got the lucky end of this, didn't we?" John said, breaking the silence after a few minutes. "I mean, we already know so much about taxis and restaurants… But the trolls don't know anything about all of this. We're almost at home here, but they'll never get close to their home again. It's kind of sad."

"I believe that statement might be a bit presumptuous, John, as lovely a sentiment as it may be," Rose responded calmly, but she had a bit of a surprised look on her face; after all, John wasn't exactly the first to come to mind when matters of deep thought were the topic. "We know everything about this spot of the world because it's specifically geared towards us humans. I'm sure that if the situation was reversed and our ship had landed in a troll city, we would be just as lost and confused as they are."

"Oh, I guess that's true," John said, wringing his hands. "Still…"

"Still?" Rose sat up on the mattress.

"… Do you think they're scared?"

"Would you be?"

"I don't know… I mean, well, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you scared?"

There was another stretch of silence now in which Rose studied the comforter on her bed, her eyes tracing over the intricate designs. Her expression didn't seem to change much, and she appeared to be deep in thought. John watched her for a few moments, though she took no heed of it. Upon realizing he was staring, the Heir of Breath broke his gaze and looked to the ground.

"I am. A little bit, I mean," came the voice of Jade who offered a lopsided smile as John looked up to her speaking. "I bet that even Karkat, though he'd never admit it, is scared. We all put on these tough fronts; for a while we had no choice, it kept us alive. But now… Now that we've had time to sit back and just take in everything… I am scared. There's so many questions running through my mind right now, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that."

Jade turned to look at Rose with a strange mix between apprehension and a smile battling to show through on her expression. The corner of the Seer's lips curved up some, and she gave a slight nod; they all had their own questions to ask. So many, in fact, that they could probably spend days and days just thinking of them all. If they weren't on the path to stop Jack now, then was anyone? Was their adventure really over? What would happen to them? Where would they live?

Would they even still be able to remain friends with each other?

With the trolls?

The silence bore the questions floating through each of their minds, but yielded no answers. It hung thick in the air with such intensity that none of them had taken note of Dave reentering the room. A single eyebrow rose over the rim of his sunglasses, and he sensed that he'd just walked into some heavy, non-ironic shit going on. He silently returned the phone to its cradle and resumed his previous position slumped against the wall.

Once more, it was Jade who broke the silence.

"However," she said softly, interlacing her hands and smiling warmly to them. "I think that we're going to be okay. We'll figure something out, like we always have. Back when we each found a way to send John our rabbits, when we navigated the Medium, even arriving here in this strange, new life. I believe… No, I know that we can make it if we stay together and trust each other like we always have."

"… That was just like a speech that you'd see in a movie! You know, like when the heroes are all trapped in some hopeless situation but one of them says not to give up?"

And then a moment ruining Triple Facepalm Combo echoed throughout their hotel room.

"Damn it Egbert," Dave snickered, shaking his head slightly.

"What? It totally was! Right Rose?"

Rose rolled her eyes a bit and reluctantly gave a bit of a chuckle; it was much better when John wasn't trying to be so serious. It didn't suit him.

"Well, er, thanks?" Jade said with an uncertain smile.

"Alright, enough of this hugging and loving bullshit," the Knight of Time said, turning towards the door once again. "Come on, our ride's probably down there waiting for us to stop barfing down sunshiny afterschool specials."

"The trolls are probably waiting up on us too," Rose added, following Dave as he left the room.

Jade made sure to pull up her god tier hoodie over her Becsprite ears before hurrying after the two with John following closely behind.

None of them had made much a comment on the fact that Dave had also changed from his usual red shirt with the scratched record on it into his black Aces suit. For all they knew, he was probably doing it for some unknown ironic purpose.

One short elevator ride later, the four were leaving through the lobby and towards the exit. Three of the four stood there, scanning the area for two yellow taxis, but one cool dude merely smirked and stayed put.

"This is so irritating," Jade said, frowning as she stood on her tiptoes to try and look over the enormous vehicle in front of them, blocking their view. "Can't this stupid thing go around or something? How are we supposed to find the taxis?"

No sooner had she said that when her jaw gaped wide, and she turned to look at Dave with an expression of disbelief on her face. Rose and John eventually joined her in gawking at the Knight, having finally figured out just why he was dressed like some hotshot.

"Told you taxis were lame," was his only response.

In front of them was a long, black stretch Hummer complete with a chauffeur who was opening the rear door for them. The first to get over his surprise, John excitedly hopped in and began to observe the inside.

"Wow! It's so cool in here," John beamed, taking up one of the black and grey seats. "Dave, there's a bar! They've got apple juice."

"Damn right they do," Dave snickered, motioning for Jade and Rose to join his bro inside.

Rose rolled her eyes some but Jade happily climbed in, soon followed by the Seer. Dave told the driver where to go, and then was the last to enter. He wasted no time in locating the apple juice. It was like, fucking Christmas up in there.

"Heh, here's hoping that Howie Mandel-" John began, but was cut off by the Knight holding up a single hand to silence him.

"Don't even start with that shit."

John laughed and abandoned the rehashed joke, opting for one of the fizzy sodas instead. Rose plucked out two of the waters from the bar and passed one of them off to Jade. She then turned on her hubtopband and frowned slightly, then turned it back off and placed it back into her fetch modus.

"Hmm…" the Seer said, opening her bottle of water.

"Hmm? What's hmm?" Jade asked.

"Well, it just occurred to me," Rose went on, pausing to take a sip from her water. "None of the trolls are online, and I didn't get a chance to tell them about our change in transportation."

* * *

Karkat sat on the ground, grumbling to himself and tapping his foot irritably to pass the time. He was far away from the other three, as he had snapped at anyone who had tried to venture closer to him. That scowl was once more on his face, and he may as well have had it permanently carved into his features as it clearly wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

At least, not until he dried off.

Shortly after Kanaya and Terezi had shown up at his and Gamzee's respiteblock, the Virgo had tried to clean them up. At first she tried to make them get naked which was just fucking weird and Karkat had shut that horseshit factory down in record time. His victory was short lived, though, as Kanaya had then just jumped to a different tactic.

"_Karkat, we're not going out with the humans with you and Gamzee in such a state," she said sternly, glowering at him._

"_Who gives two soggy wet bags of musclebeast shit what those fuckasses think?" he growled. "My clothes aren't that dirty. I'll fucking wash them later when you assholes aren't all up my nook about it!"_

_ Karkat had turned to storm off, but he was frozen in his tracks by the sound of a chainsaw revving up behind him. The Cancer slowly turned to look over his shoulder, an expression of horror on his face as he saw Kanaya standing there, weapon in hand and glaring at him._

"_What… What the fuck are you going to do with that?"_

"_Get in the shower. Gamzee, you too."_

"_Honk," the taller troll said agreeably, wandering into the shower._

"_I used the gogdamn ablution trap last night!" Karkat snapped, now being backed towards the bathroom with Kanaya's weapon pointed at him. "Quit fucking pointing that at me!"_

"_We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Get in there."_

The psycho rainbow drinker had then forced them to stand in the ablution trap until the water had rinsed them clean of the worst of their grime, and from there had escorted them outside to 'dry off'. Needless to say, Karkat was more than a little crabby when drying off just turned out to be standing in the sun until the humans showed up.

Gamzee, on the other hand, was none the worse for wear, save for being a bit damp, and he seemed to be content soaking in the sun's warm rays. He had had to reapply his makeup before they'd left, but that hadn't taken much time. Right now, he was feeling pretty chill motherfucker. His best friend didn't seem to be all that chill though, bro was looking downright ornery. That lazy smile stretched farther across the Capricorn's face, and he decided to, once more, try and go over to all up and change Karkat's mood. The fact that his previous attempt had been met with his moirail bearing his teeth at him didn't immediately jump to the forefront of his think pan, and he meandered on over to the nubby horned troll.

"Hey best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said happily, sitting down next to him.

"Fuck off," Karkat snarled, scooting around to turn his back on the clown.

"Aww, what's the matter bitchtits motherfucker?" the taller troll pressed, inching a bit closer. "Aren't you breathing in all them motherfucking mirthful sun rays?"

"You don't breathe in sun dumbfuck. It just burns you. Like a fucking douche."

Gamzee pondered this for a moment before tilting his head up to glance at the sun. This only lasted a second, though, and he quickly looked back away from the burning sensation.

"Motherfuck," the clown said, waving a hand in front of his eyes. "That shit is bright."

"Yeah, no shit asshole," Karkat grumbled, hugging his knees to his chest.

The Capricorn studied his moirail for a moment, lost briefly in the cracked sunglasses that shielded those candy red eyes of his. Previously relaxed, zoned out indigo eyes suddenly and sharply fixated on the shorter troll's eyewear.

The color of motherfucking miracles.

Fortunately, Karkat had looked down to the ground before Gamzee's think pan could conjure up bloody images of him, breaking the hold that those eyes had on the highblood's thoughts. The taller troll now took to preoccupying himself with tracing his gaze over the tiny, scrunched up figure of his best friend sitting next to him.

He looked kind of… Motherfucking adorable.

Without giving it another thought, Gamzee suddenly wrapped his long, gangly arms around the little ball of Karkat, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Honk honk!"

Karkat was less than amused.

"What the taintchafing throbbing pus spewing fuck are you doing?" the Cancer shouted, breaking his ball to squirm and flail frantically out of Gamzee's grasp. "Oh I'm sorry, am I wearing some sort of fuckass cuddle me fucking snuggle time sign that I wasn't aware of? No? Then guess fucking what? I don't want you to touch me. And I sure as fucking gog fearing hell don't want you to hug me. Got it fuckass?"

Karkat snarled all of this, pointing an accusing finger at the Capricorn who merely stared back with that same, unaffected smile on his face. The Cancer had the slightest coloring of red on his cheeks, but that was probably due to rage. This little ruckus caused Kanaya and Terezi to glance over, and the blind troll was the first to comment.

"Karkat's as cuddly as a human stabbing plant," Terezi snickered, pointing her cane at the two.

"Fuck you Pyrope!" Karkat now turned his rage from Gamzee to the Libra. "We can't all be a part of your fuck all fruity rumpus snuggle time fuckfest!"

"Gog, quit being so crabby."

"Fuck off! All of you just fucking leave me the fuck alone! Where the fuck are those human asshats anyway? Do you fucking see yellow four wheeled beasts because I sure fucking don't!"

"Hmm, you do have a point," Kanaya said, looking into the paths that the four wheeled beasts seemed to be taking. "I've seen several yellow four wheeled beasts, but none of them have come this way. I can't help but think they should have been here by now."

"Woah, I smell super huge black licorice," Terezi said, excitedly perking her cartilage nub in the air. "That seems to be coming this way."

Surely enough, turning into the lot in front of their multi-block overnight hive stem was an enormous black four wheeled beast. The four watched with a bit of confusion as it came closer to them, and this confusion grew even more when it stopped.

"What the fuck?" Karkat asked, gawking as the door suddenly opened.

"Sup troll dudes," Dave responded, stepping out of the beast and flashing a quick smirk to Terezi. "Need a lift?"


	7. G4MZ33 1S S1LLY, K4RK4T 1S J34LOUS

G4MZ33 1S S1LLY, K4RK4T 1S J34LOUS

Gamzee strolled through aisle after aisle of human electronics, that ever present grin held fast unwaveringly as he went. The tall troll had a bit of an awkward gait, as if he were trying to appear aloof and relaxed but just couldn't quite manage to stay loose enough for it. His hands were buried deep into the pockets of his still somewhat damp black and grey spotted pants, mostly in a feeble attempt to hide their occasional twitch or spasm. Indigo and yellow eyes shifted continuously, tracking everything that moved as it walked across his line of sight.

The Capricorn was currently lagging far behind the other seven, too preoccupied with his own state to be paying much attention to what they were all talking about. After a fairly uneventful ride in the black four wheeled beast, they had arrived at this human electronics 'store' which they were apparently going to be buying 'cell phones' from. From what the taller troll had heard on the way, it sounded like this was a change from the original plan which had been to go get clothes or something.

Gamzee didn't care one motherfucking bit.

What the Capricorn did care about was how being confined in that little space had made him feel. It had started off as just a little bit of uneasiness when the door shut; him looking around and suddenly feeling very…

Trapped.

It wasn't very motherfucking mirthful; not very chill at all. His long, lanky build hadn't exactly made things easier either and he had had very little room in which to stretch out. It wasn't natural, being all up and caged in, and Gamzee had sworn that the walls were getting closer, trying to scrunch him up into their little box shape.

His only little miracle had been that the 'mini bar' had contained some of his wicked elixir. He had cracked open the neck of a strawberry Faygo so fast that some of the fizz had spilled out onto his hand, and now that he thought of it, his fingers were still a little bit sticky from that. It was alright though; the frosty brew had calmed him some, enabling him to make it through the drive. He honestly didn't know if he was more thankful for his sake or for the others' sakes that it hadn't taken very long to get there.

Probably a little of both those motherfucking things.

Gamzee had been the first one out of the evil four wheeled beast, all but making a mad dash out and into the parking lot of the electronics store. He'd eventually rejoined the group, mostly due to the corralling and yelling of his moirail, and now he just had to keep himself calm. He was still feeling very on edge and anxious, much too antsy to follow anything going on around him, but that was something he could handle. The Capricorn just had to keep chill.

Keeping chill wasn't proving to be any problem for Karkat, on the other hand, who had his arms wrapped tightly around himself to try and retain his body heat. He wouldn't be so fucking cold if that stupid meddlesome fussyfangs hadn't decided to force-clean his clothes. Now they were walking around this pitiful collection of inferior human technology that, for some inexplicable reason, just had to be kept at what was probably the lowest gogdamn temperature in the entire history of this planet's existence.

A light shiver shook the nubby horned troll's body again, and he clung a bit tighter to the useless sweater he was wearing. Worst of all had to be the gawking; everywhere Karkat looked he could see busybody humans staring at them. Why these humans felt like it was their place to observe them was beyond him, and it was getting pretty fucking annoying. The Cancer glared through Equius' cracked sunglasses at the human who was leading them through this little bullshit tour of technology. Maybe if he could just lock in on what the human was saying, he'd forget how ridiculously freezing it was in there.

"We have many different plans and cell phones," the man prattled on. "All to suit the various needs of our customers from all different walks of life and budgets!"

"Look, dude," Dave said, placing a firm hand on the worker's shoulder to shut him up. "We don't care about any of that. We just need eight of the most bitching cell phones you got up in here. That shit should be able to handle anything anytime. Got something like that?"

"We also need them to work anywhere," Rose added on, a bit more tactfully. "As you see, some of these cell phones will be going with our troll friends here. We'd like to be able to stay in touch with them no matter where any of us ventures to."

The technical guy looked a bit warily towards the four trolls, trying his best to keep up his salesman face despite being forced to acknowledge the repulsive creatures.

"Ah, yes, of course," he answered. "We do in fact carry cell phones with a far enough range to work in both human and troll districts simultaneously, if you'll just follow me."

The man hurriedly walked over to a far wall with about five different cell phone models displayed. Jade and John began eagerly studying them, messing with their features and buttons while the others continued to listen to the technically adept human.

"Now all of these cell phones are top quality," he bragged, smiling at John and Jade's excitement. "Best around with so many features they might as well be little computers! That said, they are the most expensive of our cell phones but they're worth every boondollar. You'll always have a signal and you can say goodbye to dropped calls because-"

"Seems legit. Alright, we need eight plans yo," Dave said stone faced as he watched the guy's surprised look.

Terezi snickered at the scent of the man's shock, but she said nothing until he hurried off to fetch the right paperwork.

"Such a coolkid," she swooned. "Taking charge and getting things done."

"What can I say, I'm just that awesome."

"Heheheh."

Karkat rolled his eyes, intentionally shoving past the two of them to take a look at the strange human devices that everyone was getting so excited about.

"So which one of these shitty technology boxes are we suppose to pick?" he grumbled, poking the one closest to him. "Does it even fucking matter?"

"No, I think they all pretty much do the same things," Jade answered, running a hand over the one she'd decided on. "It's just a matter of personal preference."

"Oh, well then, how about I don't give a fuck?" Karkat snapped. "Is that a fucking preference?"

"I want this one," Terezi declared, sniffing over a red touch screen model. "It smells like cherry cough syrup."

"Then that's clearly the best phone there," Dave said, looking over its sleek design. "Make that two then. That phone's fly."

It took a bit of squabbling and discussing, but eventually all eight of them had picked out which phone they wanted. Well, except for Gamzee who hadn't made a comment and just been assigned a model by the others. The employee returned with his contracts and paperwork, and in no time they had filled out their forms and were waiting for him to return with their activated cell phones.

"Oh shit," Dave said suddenly, looking out into the rest of the store.

"What?" John asked.

"I just had what was probably the best thought ever."

"Huh?"

"Bro, we're rich. In an electronics store."

"Oh, heh… No, I don't get it."

"You don't have to get it dude, just know that I'm going to go do some shopping. I'll be back."

With that, Dave wandered off, Terezi hot on his heels in hopes of joining in on whatever coolkid things he'd be up to.

Karkat watched them go, trying to fight back the urge to shadow them and see just how cozy they were getting. Giving up on that fight, he glanced over his shoulder towards the others to see if he could slip away unnoticed. Kanaya and Rose were conversing and being just as chummy as they were back on the ship, John and Jade were being stupid, and Gamzee… The nubby horned troll's eyes scanned through the group, then back towards the phones, and soon he was all but spinning like a ninny to try and locate the taller troll.

Fuck.

Now Karkat was frantic; Terezi and Dave could wait until later, Gamzee was loose in the store without supervision. How the fuck did he lose track of that walking tower of a troll? Without announcing his departure, the Cancer quickly ran off into the maze of the electronics store, ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the various shoppers. Without the sopor slime in his system, the Capricorn was in an unpredictable state. For all Karkat knew, he was just as likely to be zoning out at some blue screen as he was to be killing innocent people. There were no screams of terror yet, though, so maybe it was the former.

Please be the former, please be the former, please be the fucking former.

* * *

Left, left.

Right.

Forward, forward.

Back.

Left, right, right, left.

* * *

"Why would you want an ex in a box?" Terezi snickered, walking next to Dave as he looked through the aisles.

"What? That isn't even a thing," Dave said, stopping in front of various video games on a shelf. "It's like, a video game thing. Oh dude, are you trolls so lame that you don't have consoles?"

"Heheh, quit being so sassy! Of course we have video games; we just don't put them in boxes. We wait for them to hatch. I don't smell any here though… Or even a copy of Game Grub."

"… Man, trolls are weird as fuck."

"Well, Mr. Badass Dave Strider," she said, poking him with her cane. "How do the coolkids game?"

"Not with grub hatching, that's for sure."

Terezi cackled at the human's silly attempt to understand troll video games, and she took to sniffing through the various items in Dave's cart. There was a whole myriad of different scents, and they all smelled like some delicious fruit salad all lumped together like that.

"You'll have to let me beat you in these games some time," the blind troll insisted.

"More like, I'll have to let you be annihilated by my awesome self sometime."

"That almost sounds like a challenge. I warned you about challenges bro!"

"God damn it. Walked into that one like some unassuming bro just minding his own business when bam! Smuppet taint all up in his grill."

"Heheheh!"

Terezi's cartilage nub picked up the familiar scent of Karkat, suddenly, and a coy little smirk graced her features. Undoubtedly the Cancer was in some fit of rage and was coming to yell at them with his obnoxious busybody self.

The Libra readied herself for another round of who-could-be-the-snarkiest with the nubby horned troll. However, it never came. She continued to sniff the air, smile shifting into a disappointed frown when Karkat just continued to run past them, not even acknowledging her and Dave. Terezi knew that seeing her and Dave together drove the Cancer up the wall; how could he just so blatantly blow her off like that? It was so obvious to everyone that he was trying to pursue some confusing version of kismesissitude with her, so he should have played along. After all, blackrom games couldn't be played by oneself; it took two to do the human close dance.

All things considered, that had just been very anticlimactic.

"Whoa, midget troll's got somewhere to be apparently." Dave joked. "Maybe he's going to go do some acrobatic pirouettes off the handle."

Dave looked to Terezi, waiting for the giggle and sarcastic response to his overused joke, but she appeared to be more preoccupied with Karkat running off. Not that it mattered or whatever, but he couldn't help but feel a bit snuffed by her lack of a reaction. The Knight's calm demeanor didn't shift at all though; he was too cool to care about shit like that. At least… That was what he told himself.

"I'm going to go buy this shit," the Knight said, pokerface maintained and tone kept flat.

Terezi was pulled from her thoughts as Dave began walking away, and she went back to following him. She could try and figure out Karkat's weird, crabby self later; right now she had a coolkid to harass.

* * *

Left, right, back, back, forward, right, back.

* * *

The boring, humdrum level of conversation and buzz of technology was suddenly shattered as a scream pierced through the store.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Karkat's think pan went rigid, frozen with terror, but his feet turned and continued thundering through the store, now given a proper heading instead of just aimlessly dashing about. The scream had come from the back of the store, and the Cancer tuned out anything else around him, focused on his destination. He continued to run, finally seeing a group of people crowded around something he was too short see. Images of blood and corpses rushed to Karkat's think pan faster than he could think to stop it, and he suddenly felt nauseous. What had Gamzee done? What horrible, messed up shit was behind this clusterfuck curtain of people?

The nubby horned troll swallowed hard, summoning up all of his courage to confront the ghastly sight. Willing himself forward, it took a second or two for him to actually budge from his spot and push through the crowd.

"Honey, please, get up," said a portly man, a light blush in his cheeks as he tried to wake up the unconscious girl in his arms. "Come on, this is embarrassing. It was just a spider…"

… Oh.

Well, that was a bit unexpected.

Karkat's sharp teeth clenched tightly together, hands balled into fists as he furiously stormed away from the sight. He didn't know what the fuck a 'spider' was but it was clear that it was something that was a complete gogdamn waste of everyone's time. It was fucking stupid.

But not nearly as stupid as what he saw next.

The Cancer stopped in his tracks once more, an incredulous look on his face as he finally located the gangly troll he'd been searching for.

Gamzee was on some sort of weird square platform stomping in a strange pattern, his gaze transfixed on what appeared to be a colorful television screen as it blasted some weird, upbeat human music.

Karkat just stared at him for a few minutes, eventually studying the screen to see it comprised mostly of little arrows.

What the shit barfing fuck was he doing?

"What the shit barfing fuck are you doing?" Karkat yelled above the music. "What is this fuckassery musclebeast shit? Don't wander off like that you fucking stupid clown fuck!"

Gamzee's eyes were still half-lidded, but he seemed to be intensely concentrating on his little task. Still staring at the screen and moving his legs in that weird way, he answered a lot quicker than Karkat had expected.

"Just the funnest motherfucking thing ever. Honk!" Gamzee said excitedly. "It's this bitchtits game, motherfucking human called it 'Dance Dance Revolution'. I all up and saw this tiny human motherfucker doing this, and I thought, 'Shit, I could motherfucking do that'. So I did. Karbro, you have to try this shit."

"Is your think pan that fucking fried that you really think I'm going to put a single fucking claw on that thing? We kind of have bigger shit to be dealing with right now! Do you have any fucking idea how worried I was just now fuckass?"

Gamzee finally stopped moving and, ignoring the protests from the game he turned to face his moirail.

"… You were all up and worried about me, Karbro?" the Capricorn asked, his confused, indigo eyes locked onto Karkat.

A light red blush rose to the Cancer's cheeks under that stare, and he quickly turned away from the taller troll.

"Well, yeah, fuck. I guess, in like a 'who the fuck is the psychotic dumbfuck clown going to kill next' kind of way," he grumbled. "Whatever, can we just fucking go back with the group now? This place is fucking stupid and it's gogdamn cold. I just want to hurry up and abscond out of here."

The highblood continued to stare at Karkat or, at least, the backside of his head, and he stepped down off of the platform. Gamzee reached up one of his long arms to scratch at the back of his neck, now looking sheepishly at the ground.

"Shit, I'm sorry best motherfucking friend," the taller troll said, hunching over some to appear less tall. "I didn't mean to make my chill invertabrother get his worry on."

"Fuck. Nevermind, I wasn't worried. My worry sponge wasn't the slightest bit twitchy as fuck over you ok? That was never even a thing that happened so let's just move this horseshit along and find the others."

"Honk. Let me just up and grab this real quick."

Karkat let out an irritated, almost feral sounding growl as Gamzee quickly turned around to grab one of the boxes marked 'Dance Dance Revolution'.

"Fuckass, you probably need the thing in the glass box too," the nubby horned troll snapped, pointing to the strange black box in its invisible barrier under the screen.

"Oh… Yeah, true that motherfucker. But where would I find that bitchtits miracle box? Shit… I don't think the humans would feel too motherfucking mirthful if I up and took that one."

Karkat rolled his eyes again, waving his hand to motion for the lanky troll to follow him. Assuming he didn't have to wait and see if Gamzee would actually listen, the Cancer began to walk off.

"Come on stupid. I walked past a whole bunch of happy fuckass boxes when I was trying to look for your asshole clown self."

Gamzee followed as instructed, feeling more than a little complacent at the moment. Seeing all of those colorful things getting their chill on in that game had done wonders for soothing his think pan. He couldn't explain it, but that sight had just seemed so motherfucking mirthful. Now that the Capricorn thought back, though, he couldn't remember when exactly he had decided to wander away from the group. He remembered feeling uneasy, and he remembered the cell phones… And then he was walking away. What he couldn't remember was what had made him think to up and do that.

The Capricorn continued to try and think of his reason for doing this, when he suddenly noticed he was studying the shorter troll in front of him. His indigo eyes silently traced over Karkat's form, trying to pick up on what had drawn their attention to him. A slight shiver was all that Gamzee had needed to see to get his answer. That's right; his best motherfucking friend was cold. The taller troll knew how angry that made his bro, to be all uncomfortable and shit. He should get his squeeze on with his moirail; he could warm that motherfucker up toastier than a freshly baked sopor pie.

Squeeze the motherfucking mutant strawberry blooded troll until those miracles ran out of his eyes.

Gamzee shook his head slightly, trying to keep those thoughts out of his think pan; maybe he should just continue to hold his box from back here.

The eight had now been at this electronics store for a little over an hour, and after several purchases and some regrouping they were finally ready to leave. The four humans had taken to their phones right away, and Rose was working with Kanaya on how to use the new devices as they walked out.

"And that's how you access your contacts. We had the man helping us register all our phones with each other's numbers in them, so when you need to get a hold of one of us," the Seer explained, showing on her own phone as the rainbow drinker followed along. "You just go into there, select the name and then press the green button."

"I see, and this strange little box with the triangle on it, this is how I send a message?"

"Correct, you'll find that a lot of the functions are pretty self explanatory."

"What useful devices."

For once, Karkat was content just following and fiddling with his own phone in silence. The sun was infinitely more welcome today than it had been their first day, and the Cancer was doing his best to soak up as much warmth as he could. Having decided not to waste any of his boondollars on worthless human technology, he also didn't have any cumbersome bags to carry. He leisurely took his time as he walked, intentionally lagging behind with Gamzee in the back to delay climbing into the black four wheeled beast as long as he could.

Surely enough, the gargantuan thing was waiting for them outside of the store, ready to take them to their next destination. One by one, troll and human climbed inside and took their seat… Well, all except for one.

"Get in the gogdamn four wheeled beast fuckass!" Karkat bellowed to the taller troll still standing outside.

"No," was the only mumbled response.

He couldn't go back in that tiny little box. Not for an hour, not for a second. The troll had barely managed to keep motherfucking chill after that first time, he couldn't do it again. He'd snap and cull all of them. He'd paint the inside of the beast with the lowblood miracles in their veins.

"Gamzee, we don't have all day. Don't be difficult," Kanaya said, a light frown on her lips.

"I said no motherfucker," Gamzee snarled back, much louder than before.

The voices. The voices were getting louder again, yelling at him for not listening, for even being near this cage filled with worthless motherfuckers. How dare they give him orders; they needed to be put in their place. To be shown the wrath of the highest of all the motherfucking subjugglators.

Inside said four wheeled beast, Kanaya looked a bit taken back and she glanced towards Rose as if seeking guidance on what to do about this situation.

Karkat, however, was not about to sit around gaping at this reaction like some dumbfuck wiggler. The Cancer growled and then climbed back out of the beast, stomping over towards Gamzee's stiff, tensed form. Already, the Capricorn's claws were beginning to dig into the bags he was holding, the serene yellow of his eyes darkening into a more orangey tint.

The nubby horned troll only spared the quickest of glances to those murderous eyes before reaching his hand out to lightly pap Gamzee's hand.

"Shoosh," he said softly, gently prying the bags out of his grasp.

The taller troll relented fairly easily, allowing his items to be taken away by his moirail who quickly threw them back into the four wheeled beast.

"Is he going to get in now?" John asked, trying to decipher Gamzee's expression through the windows.

"What do you fucking think Egbert?" Karkat snapped.

The Cancer turned briefly to check on the psycho clown's eyes, and then returned his attention to the others.

"He's calming down, but I don't think we can get to go back in this fucking thing."

"Hmm, this is a bit of a conundrum then," Rose said, resting her chin on the tip of her thumb.

"… The mall isn't too far from here," Jade piped in, looking from Karkat to the others. "We could always walk."

"Tch, forget that," Dave said, leaning back in his seat. "Clown bro can walk himself there. That's what we got these dope cell phones for right?"

"Staying in contact isn't the problem," Rose answered. "It's knowing where to go."

"Well shit, we can't just leave all the stuff we bought in here and abscond off. I say we split up. Check it, two teams. Me, I'll be on the badass team that's getting our shit situated. Weird juggalo troll, he's got to be on the lame walking team."

"I see," Rose said, nodding slightly. "You've actually got a point, splitting up would probably be our best option."

"Since I know my way around… Somehow," Jade said, thinking things through as she spoke. "I guess that means I should go with Gamzee then?"

"Yes, I'll go as well," Kanaya said, already moving to exit the beast. "If we're going to be going to this 'mall' then they'll need my help to make sure they don't just grab the first clothes they see. Wouldn't want anymore fashion disasters, after all."

The Virgo flashed a quick smirk to Rose who suppressed a slight giggle in response before giving an approving nod.

"Wait, we? Fucking great. I guess that means I'm going with the fuckass clown then," Karkat growled.

The never ending joys of being moirails with a dumbfuck psycho.

"Yup. Better get going midget troll," Dave said, raising a challenging eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses. "And me, John, Rose and Terezi will drop this shit off."

"What? No. Fuck no," Karkat snapped, glaring behind cracked sunglasses at the insufferable prick. "Why the fuck does Terezi go with you?"

The Libra began snickering at the nubby horned troll's reaction, "Oh? What's this? Could it be that the crabby Karkles is feeling jealous? That he yearns to be with the blind troll he's so clearly flushed for?"

"Fuck you! Nevermind, invitation revoked. You don't get to join us. Fucking stay on your shitass fruity rumpus team," Karkat said defensively, another light blush creeping up on his face.

The Cancer ignored whatever snarky comment she or Dave made, sticking his middle finger up to the two before absconding quickly to the three waiting for him on the sidewalk. The door shut behind him, and after a few minutes the black four wheeled beast left them.

The splinter group stood there in silence for a few moments, watching until the beast had fully disappeared from sight. The quiet didn't last long, however, as a slight 'buzz' from the new cell phone in his pocket caught Karkat's attention. He pulled it out and, after clicking on the button that he assumed opened the message he had apparently received, quickly read his text.

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

H3H3H3H. J34LOUS.

- - Today 10:43am - -

This was going to be a long fucking day.


	8. mirthful mall MUNCHIES

mirthful mall MUNCHIES

"… This way," Jade said with an unexpected level of certainty. "It shouldn't be much farther now."

As with all of her previous comments, there wasn't much response from the other three. She hadn't really expected Karkat to answer in the first place, so time and again when he'd merely grumble or grunt she hadn't been surprised. Kanaya seemed to be a bit distracted with something, only giving the occasional 'hmm' as she texted away on her phone, undoubtedly to Rose. And Gamzee… Jade glanced back at the taller troll who was lazily walking behind them once more. The Witch of Space wasn't quite as concerned with being left with him as she had been at first; after all, he had been behaving himself and really hadn't done much. However, there still seemed to be something a bit off about him. Now that she thought about it, though, there had been a lot of things off about Gamzee from the second she'd met him.

It was probably nothing.

Fortunately, the mall was only a few blocks away from the electronics store, and though they'd only been walking for about twenty minutes, Jade could already see the flattened top of what she believed to be their destination poking up over the streets. Surely enough, upon getting closer the words 'Food Court' came into view. It wasn't quite lunch time yet, but the Witch make a mental note to suggest getting a bite to eat once they'd all reconvened.

"Here we are," she said, gesturing to the building. "There should be a wide variety of things to choose from inside!"

Kanaya glanced up from her phone, a slight smirk crossing her lips as she finished off her text. She then replaced the little human technological wonder into her pocket.

"That will definitely come in handy," the rainbow drinker said, finally paying attention to the world around her. "Lead the way. I'd like to get as much of this done as we can before the others join us, and I have a sneaking suspicion that Karkat will be less than cooperative."

"I'm standing right fucking here you nooksniffing asshat!" the nubby horned troll growled.

"Well, you weren't exactly accommodating this morning."

"Fuck you. Just be glad that the warmth radiating from my rage infested think pan was enough to dry me off. I swear, if I had to spend another gogdamn second being fucking wet and cold-"

"Karkat! We can all sit around and listen to you bitch later," Jade interrupted, already walking up to the door. "Now hurry up slowpoke!"

"My poking will be as slow or fast as I fucking want it to be!" he snapped back, storming behind her. "And you snarky ass flighty broads can just fucking deal with it."

Kanaya rolled her eyes some but politely held the door open for Gamzee before taking up the rear. Karkat certainly always seemed to have energy for being crabby; the Virgo concluded that this very rage was probably his energy source.

The first thing that Kanaya noticed was the overwhelming smell of all kinds of different foods. They came at her in a wave that flooded her sniffnodes, almost overpowering in strength. Though it had been unexpected at first, the smells now were quite pleasant; reminding the rainbow drinker that it had been a while since she'd fed. Jade eyes glanced over to Jade's neck; surely the human wouldn't mind parting with some of her blood to feed a hungry troll?

Wait, no, she had a job to do.

It was her duty as a fashionista to aid her (sadly) style inept friends. She shook her head slightly, discarding any thoughts of food for now, and moved back to the front of the group with Jade.

"There appears to be a lot of food here," she deduced, looking at the many colorful signs. "But I'm not seeing any place to buy clothes."

"Right, you see," Jade answered, leading through the food court. "A mall has a lot of things lumped up into one building. We can buy anything from clothes to a puppy without leaving this one place!"

"What's a puppy?"

"Oh, er, a small woofbeast?"

"I would like to see these 'woofbeasts' while we're here."

"Yes, fucking wonderful experience in human fuckass land," Karkat growled, fed up with this stupid conversation. "Let's just get this over with okay? Jegus fuck…"

Jade lead the three trolls to the nearest clothing store after a quick consultation with the mall's directory, unable to help her little smirk at Kanaya's expression.

The Virgo stood there for a moment, sharp teeth showing through a smile almost as big as Gamzee's as she stared at the seemingly endless amounts of clothes.

There was just… So much variety!

Kanaya tried to contain her excitement, eagerly looking from one spot to the next. This was quite futile, though, and soon the rainbow drinker was going through section after section; grabbing pants here and shirts there, boots and hats and shorts and it was all just so gogdamn fashionable!

"Holy fucking shit," Karkat said, watching incredulously as the overly enthusiastic troll darted about. "She's out of her fucking think pan."

Every now and then, Kanaya would glance over to the two boys, appearing to mentally size them up, but for the most part she just continued to stack things on her already very full arms. Karkat was feeling a bit too nervous with what was about to transpire to make much a comment, and he silently looked to Gamzee for support. The Capricorn, however, didn't seem to notice him.

Probably because he was preoccupied with climbing into one of the circular racks of clothes.

Letting out a loud, irritable growl, Karkat facepalmed. It was official; this was going to be a horrible fucking day.

* * *

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Will Have To Text You Later As We Have Reached Our Destination

- - Today 11:08am - -

Rose placed her phone into her fetch modus; she probably wouldn't be hearing from them again for quite some time, so there was no need to have it taking up space in her pocket. She adjusted in her seat, trying to get more comfortable, and reached for her bottled water.

They would be arriving at the troll motel any second now; the plan was to have Terezi drop off the troll purchases and then they'd all head back to the hotel to drop off all the crap Dave had bought. Undoubtedly, the Seer knew she'd want to buy her own electronics as well, but she felt that that little bout of frivolous spending could wait until later.

"Man, this new world is dope," Dave went on, taking another sip of his apple juice. "No more of this hunting down crazy dog, god, whatever the fuck Jack was. We're set dude."

"I wish I'd thought to get video games," John said, looking over the pile of electronics on the floor.

"Don't even worry about it Egbert," the Knight answered. "I'll personally beat you anytime on my machines."

"Hah, we'll see about that!"

"John, you and I will definitely take the sassy Strider down," Terezi snickered, nudging the blonde haired boy.

"That can't even be a thing. You wouldn't stand a chance against me even with an army of zitty, awkward gaming nerds on your team. I'm just that awesome," he went on, cockily tilting his chin up at the troll. "And that's really all there is to say on that matter."

The audaciously over the top vehicle finally stopped in front of the troll motel, and Rose took the liberty of collecting up all of the trolls' purchases for Terezi. The Seer handed them off to the blind troll and she watched silently as she quickly hurried out of the door. Rose never would have made a comment aloud, but she couldn't help but smirk at how Dave watched her go, undoubtedly trying to think up some cool excuse for why he should go with her.

The Knight didn't budge, though, and merely pulled out his cell phone, pecking away at the different buttons in deep concentration.

Rose paid little attention as he did this, her mind now being pulled back to thoughts of the glowing troll she'd just been conversing with. She was trying not to be a pest, but she was more than a little bit curious with how Kanaya was faring in her little adventure with the others. The Seer withdrew her phone from the sylladex, studying it as if this would provide the answer for her. Finally deciding that she was far too interested to just let the matter be, she made up her mind. Besides, a quick text couldn't hurt, and Kanaya could always just ignore it if she was too terribly busy.

"Are you texting your girlfriend?" John teased, smiling that buck toothed grin of his.

Rose hid her phone with a slight jolt, not expecting John to be so brash with his comments toward her and, for once, at a genuine loss for a snide remark. She couldn't just sit there and say nothing though, she had to answer him, lest it look more incriminating for her. The Seer took a quiet breath before looking up to try and nonchalantly change topics.

"Man, now you sound like obnoxious midget troll," Dave said, not looking up from his phone. "I'm telling you, it's not like that."

Oh.

John was talking to Dave.

Rose couldn't help but roll her eyes at her own presumptuous conclusion; of course he was talking to Dave. After all, it wouldn't make any sense for John to have suddenly drawn such a conclusion. Sure, she and Kanaya had become fairly close, and they had held hands during that trip into this world, but matters of the heart were so much more complexed and fragile than that. Despite that, this world clearly held a lot of tension between humans and trolls; any relationship of that nature would undoubtedly be fraught with hardships and turmoil, not to mention-

"Alright, let's go to the coolkid human 'hotel'," Terezi cackled, climbing back into the vehicle.

The blind troll sat back in her previous seat, once more entertaining herself with drubbing Dave with her cane.

Rose's little mental monologue would have to wait until later; perhaps when she could enjoy some solitude with a refreshing cup of tea and a journal. Yes, that would certainly be the time for reflection; not here in a noisy stretch Hummer with so much left to do in the day.

… But one text really couldn't hurt.

- - You sent - -

So, how are things progressing?

- - Today 11:37am - -

* * *

"Take them off."

"Fuck you! They don't need to come off."

"Karkat, you know they do. Now there's no need to be so difficult. The sooner you take them off, the sooner we finish, and the sooner you can put them back on."

"Forget it! There's no gogdamn way in pus gutted hell so fuck off. I'm keeping them on."

"You know I can make you take them off. Is it really necessary for us to go through this?"

"Bite me."

"Does it need to come to that?"

"…"

"Well?"

"… F-fine… I'll fucking take them off but… Do you have to fucking be in here with me?"

"I'm not sure I understand, why would that matter?"

"Fuckass, because I don't want you to see!"

"Karkat, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Please? Fucking, Kanaya, this is difficult for me, okay? It's different here… Can you just pretty human earth please fucking give me privacy to take them off in?"

"… Alright, if you insist. But if you try to abscond or-"

"Jegus fuck! I'm not going to try anything. Get the fuck out of here already."

Karkat glared as Kanaya walked back out of the dressing room, waiting until he heard the 'click' of the lock sliding into place before looking at himself in the mirror.

There was no two ways about it.

He was going to have to take off Equius' sunglasses.

Hesitating a moment, as if he didn't want to reveal those freakish red eyes even to this empty room, the troll slowly reached up to remove the broken eyewear. He folded them up and placed them on the little bench provided, taking care not to cause further damage. After that, he set to work on the rest of his clothes which, as he was far too lazy to fucking care, ended up in a little balled up wad next to the sunglasses. All, of course, except for his boxers.

Kanaya could fuck off; he was buying undergarments on his own.

"Karkat? I'm going to pass over the outfits one by one, please put on everything I hand to you."

"Why couldn't you just fucking put it all in here beforehand?"

"Because, knowing you, things would get mismatched into whatever order was easiest. Besides… They won't let us take in more than six items at a time."

A frustrated growl was Karkat's only response, and after a few moments the first ensemble was handed over.

The nubby horned troll snatched the clothes dangling from the top of the door, quickly setting to work at removing them from their human wire hanging devices. As he turned to figure out and wiggle into the first article, though, he stopped. Staring back at him, from a wall he hadn't previously take notice of, was a troll who would have looked like a stranger; were it not for those telltale red eyes.

Karkat's reflection stared back at him, mirroring an identical expression of confusion and shock. The troll felt more vulnerable than a freshly hatched grub as he stood there, fully looking for the first time at his matured, adult body. Height wise, he'd only grown a few inches; but there were other changes, far more subtle, that spoke of a much older Karkat than before.

No longer sporting that awkward, adjusting shape from his juvenile sweeps, the troll had narrowed out and all around appeared to be better defined. Though he was by no means some overly buffed piece of meat, he could see the slight rounded curves of his arms and legs denoting the existence of his lithe musculature. The barely-there dip running down the middle of his smooth, grey belly seemed to balance on the line between healthy and underweight. In fact, it was only the lack of definition in his ribs that served as the final deciding factor.

The Cancer's gaze traced over his form in the mirror, finally returning to those damnable candy red eyes. It didn't help that they were further emphasized by dark, hollow looking lids formed from what felt like endless sweeps of poor sleep.

Overall, he decided he was a pretty pathetic looking troll.

Turning away from the mirror, Karkat kept his eyes to the ground and finished getting dressed.

Outside of the dressing room, Kanaya was waiting eagerly to see which of her three friends would emerge from their dressing room first. Three because, much to her delight, Jade had agreed to play along with this dress up game with no complaints. The rainbow drinker had what was becoming a small mountain of outfits sitting next to her, and every so often she'd get up from her chair to grab something else. She was just about to do this very thing, actually, when a slight buzz came from her pocket.

A warm smile graced those jade and black lips as she realized it was a text from Rose. Her fingers began tapping away an answer on the phone when suddenly one of the dressing room doors opened up. Kanaya stashed her phone back into her pocket and walked in to see how Karkat looked in his outfit; after how much of a fuss he'd made over those sunglasses, she could hardly expect him to come out to her. The first set of clothes she had picked out looked perfect on him, and she mentally patted herself on the back for having such good vision when it came to these things.

Karkat wore a pair of fitted, black pants with a light black jacket showing a grey and black striped shirt underneath. This outfit was topped off with a black fedora that sat neatly between his nubby little horns.

"I like it."

"I look like a fucking tool."

Kanaya ignored Karkat's irritable response; she hadn't really expected him to be all that cooperative with this. The rainbow drinker exited the dressing room, shutting the door behind her and getting together the next outfit to hand him.

The next to emerge from the dressing room was Jade, sporting an adorable, sleeveless green dress that flared out at the hips and stopped just above her knees. The waist was cinched with a wide black belt that matched perfectly with a pair of strappy heels that she excitedly spun around in.

"Ooh Kanaya!" the Witch said happily. "I love it!"

"It looks very good on you."

"I never would have thought to put this all together; you really have a talent for this!"

The rainbow drinker's cheeks flushed with a very light tint of green and she gave a slight shrug before turning to ready the next outfit.

Karkat's door abruptly opened again, and Kanaya took that as her cue to pop in. He was now wearing a short sleeved v-neck shirt with varying shades of white and a pair of dark grey shorts. The Virgo frowned, shaking her head some at the sight.

"Hmm, I don't think I like that shirt with your eye color."

Karkat merely grumbled, nibbling on his bottom lip some and averting his gaze to the ground once more.

"I suppose it would work with the sunglasses on," Kanaya went on. "But still, I think it'd be better if I got another color. Perhaps the red one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Kanaya gave a nod and exited yet again, shutting the door behind her and digging through her pile of clothes to find the red shirt she'd placed in there. She then threw it over to Karkat and waited for the door to pop open again. Surely enough, after a minute or two the Cancer was standing in there with the newest shirt on, waiting for Kanaya's decision.

Much better.

The rainbow drinker glanced over to the third door in the fitting room; a door that had thusly remained unopened. She'd started off easy, only given Gamzee a button up black shirt with a stitched in purple design and a pair of baggy black pants. He really should have gotten changed into them by now. Her curiosity piqued, Kanaya gave a swift knock on the Capricorn's dressing room.

"Gamzee?" she called after receiving no response. "Are you doing alright in there?"

A bit of mumbling could be heard from inside, and it sounded as if the taller troll was struggling with something.

"Are you having trouble? The door doesn't open from the outside without a key. You'll have to open it if you want my assistance."

More sounds of shuffling inside, and then finally the door opened the tiniest crack to allow Kanaya access.

The Virgo couldn't help the double facepalm combo that followed.

Gamzee had apparently managed to get the pants on without trouble, but he appeared to be having some sort of wrestling match inside of the shirt. It was only to be expected, though, as he hadn't unsnapped any of the buttons before attempting to pull the shirt on. One of his long, curvy horns stuck through the sleeve of the thing, and his opposite arm was flailing helplessly out of the neck hole.

"Honk," the clown said with a bit of distress.

* * *

Rose frowned, checking her phone once more as she lagged behind the other three. Kanaya still hadn't texted her back and she was more than a little eager to hear from her at this point. Maybe she could send a text to Jade and get some information on their status through that.

- - You sent - -

We've just arrived at the mall, is everything going well?

- - Today 12:14pm - -

Their group had managed to empty the contents of their ostentatious transportation and they were now entering through one of the department stores attached to the mall. Rose couldn't wait to meet up with their other friends once more and, hopefully, grab a bite to eat. She was feeling rather hungry at the moment and decided that, after regrouping, they should all figure out lunch. A soft 'ping' sounded from her pocket (she had turned on the volume of her phone so as not to risk missing a response from Kanaya) and she quickly opened up the text.

Oh, it was just Jade.

- - jade :) sent - -

oh, thats great!  
we just finished up here.  
meet us in the food court?  
all this shopping made me hungry! :)

- - Today 12:16pm - -

Rose smirked, the enthusiasm of Jade's text causing her to forget her previous disappointment over the lack of response from Kanaya.

- - You sent - -

Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.  
It would appear, then, that now would be a good time to break for lunch.  
We'll locate a directory and meet you there.

- - Today 12:17 pm - -

- - jade :) sent - -

okay!

- - Today 12:17pm - -

"From what Jade tells me, we've arrived just in time to catch them finishing up their shopping," Rose announced, placing her phone back into her pocket.

"That's pretty legit," Dave answered.

"Don't you mean ironic?"

"Nope. I don't see even the tiniest bit of irony in that shit."

Terezi snickered and Rose rolled her eyes, still thinking it a bit of a coincidence that their group just happened to show up right when the other group was ready for them.

But she decided not to think on this too much.

And you shouldn't either.

This is stupid.

The Seer didn't get much time to look at the directory, though, for the blind troll was soon wandering away with her head tilted up as if she was smelling the air. From what Rose had experienced in the past with Terezi, this was probably exactly what she was doing.

"Something smells delicious," the troll said, walking towards the scents.

"Wait, delicious as in 'weird smelling colors shit' or delicious as in 'actual food that's supposed to smell'?" Dave said with a playful smirk as he dodged Terezi's attempt to drub him.

"Sassy coolkids don't get lead to either delicious," she cackled. "And it's both so that'd be a pretty awesome feast to miss."

Soon the eight were back together again, sitting at two square tables pushed together with a mountain chain of shopping bags filled with clothes off to the side. The variety of the food court made grabbing lunch a fairly simple task.

Karkat had been overwhelmed by the options at first, unsure of where to even start, but then he'd seen the same logo as the one on the pizzas he and Gamzee had ordered the previous night. The nubby horned troll was now quietly trying to ration out the single packet of grub sauce they'd given him onto each bite of pizza while studying what everyone else had gotten.

Shocking to no one, Terezi had gotten the same weird 'taco' things that Dave had gotten, and the two of them were having some kind of dumbfuck contest again. Something about 'hot sauce' and burning each other's mouths; Karkat had decided it was incredibly stupid. Why was Terezi so determined to follow after Dave's human ways anyway? The Cancer felt a bit of a pang in his chest watching the two of them laugh and visit; why couldn't that be him? He shook these thoughts off, though, and took another bite of his pizza before moving on to what the others were eating.

Rose had gotten some weird plate filled with human Earth vegetables and a drink that Karkat couldn't see inside a colored liquid container. To her left, Kanaya was sipping a bottle of water but didn't appear to have gotten anything to eat.

Karkat made a mental note to keep his neck guarded around her.

Jade and John appeared to have gotten food from the same place, if the yellow 'M' on the side of their bags could be anything to go by, but they'd gotten two different things. The Witch of Space had a sandwich looking thing called a 'burger' while the Heir of Breath had a bunch of small brown shit looking things called 'nuggets'. The nubby horned troll had almost emptied his protein chute when John had first started eating them, but was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was actually some sort of weird cluckbeast meat.

It still looked completely disgusting.

The most idiotic one of the group had to be the fuckass clown who clearly hadn't been able to make up his mind. In front of him were three different bottles of Faygo, a slice of pizza, a box of weird human potato sticks, four types of taco dishes (each liberally coated in hot sauce thanks to the wonderfuck twins), those cluckbeast things covered in some sort of sauce over noodles, and a 'milkshake'.

Karkat was having a hard time being frustrated with Gamzee's stupidity, though, as the Capricorn had somehow managed to polish off every last bit of it without batting an eye. All that was left of it was the milkshake that he was contentedly sipping on behind the stacks of empty containers.

Once they had all pretty much finished eating, a calm, digestive silence settled over the group, during which Rose decided it was finally time to answer some pretty big questions. She wasn't about to talk with a bunch of garbage on the table, though, and she quickly gathered up some of their mess, nonchalantly walking over to deposit it in the trash bin. John followed her example, and soon the two tables were cleared. The Seer resumed her seat, taking a deep breath before she spoke.

"I believe that now would be the appropriate time to bring this up," she began. "Seeing as we all seem to be getting the hang of how this world works. Or, at least, this section of the world. Hotels are fun and pleasant, but I'm sure all of us would be much more comfortable in a place to call 'home', myself included."

The groups eyes, and three pairs of sunglasses, quietly watched Rose; they all had some sort of inkling about where this was going, but that didn't make this an easier subject by any means.

"We need to figure out where to live. It's simply not very conducive or cost effective to try and start a whole new life out of these hotels. Now, I'm also aware that this particular city might not be the best possible place to get started for everyone. I'll be specific here and say that, unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be very well suited for trolls. While this could just be true for only this city, it seems to me that it's much more likely that the majority of cities will either cater just to trolls or just to humans."

"… What is this about, Rose?" Dave said with an uncharacteristically stern tone.


	9. BUT IT'S NOT FUCKING GOOD EITHER

BUT IT'S NOT FUCKING GOOD EITHER

Karkat stood in the ablution trap, the warm water running over him and rinsing away the day's grime. This one was much roomier than the one at the multi-block overnight hive stem had been, and was following a much darker color scheme primarily composed of a sleek black. Not that the Cancer even remotely missed that shitty respiteblock he'd had to share with Gamzee; this new dwelling was by far an upgrade. It was just a bit hard to believe how much time had passed since they'd all left it. So much had already happened and changed since then, and now here Karkat was taking an ablution.

And remembering everything that had happened one human month ago.

"… _What is this about Rose?"Dave said with an uncharacteristically stern tone._

"_I'll just jump right into it then," the Seer replied, meeting the other's shaded eyes. "It might be unrealistic of us to insist upon staying together… We can't be too closed minded about the fact that we might just have to break off and each find our own places to live."_

"_Wait, like… Split up?" John asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. "All of us?"_

"_Well, I suppose there's no reason that the trolls would have to disperse if they'd rather stay together, or for us to divide if we decided to stay together," Rose went on. "But, simply put, adjusting to life in this world would be that much more difficult if we insist that half of us adapt to an entirely new way of life surrounded by none of our own species."_

"_Man, it's not even that complicated," Dave said, probably rolling his eyes behind those sunglasses._

"_Really? So you're saying you'd be content living say, in a troll society with no humans around, no ideas about the social structures or ways of life, and with strangers constantly giving you dirty looks for being human?"_

_ Dave was silent, but he continued to look straight at Rose; though the Seer couldn't see his eyes, she could feel that glare behind his glasses as he failed to come up with a decent response._

"_I've been watching how the trolls are received here," she continued, looking over the expressions on their troll friends faces. "And I'm sure the four of you have noticed it too. Nobody wants to feel like an outcast; especially somewhere they're forced to call home."_

_ There was a pause in which the trolls seemed to each be dealing with this matter-of-fact explanation in their own ways. Anger, concern, uncertainty… And staring off into space, clearly not paying any motherfucking attention._

"_I by no means wish to bid farewell to any of you either," Rose said, glancing towards Kanaya and then back to her folded up hands on the table. "But this is important enough a matter that it warrants our discussion. It wouldn't be fair of us humans to just expect you four to automatically accept and acclimate to our ways. So I felt it necessary to say that… You are free to make your own decision about this, and we will still try to help in any way we can. Even if your decision is that this is where we part ways."_

Karkat turned off the water and stepped out of the ablution trap. Retrieving one of the black towels off of the hang bar, he dried off and unceremoniously wrapped it around his slender hips. He'd only done so out of habit, though; there was no real reason to be so guarded about his nudity.

The door was locked and, of course, he was alone.

The nubby horned troll looked around at the bare, white walls of the respiteblock and then to the piles of bags he'd yet to unpack. Thusly, he had been too lazy to situate everything and had primarily just been digging through the bags every time to find what he needed.

No time like the present, he decided, and so he began to rifle through a bag holding some of the clothes he'd purchased back then under Kanaya's instruction. He pulled out the set of red and black plaid pajamas (he wouldn't be going back out, but didn't quite feel like sleeping yet) and a pair of grey boxers. Tossing his towel to one side of the room, he quickly changed and then set to work with unpacking.

"_So what? Is this the part where we're suppose to start sobbing like grubs and bitch about how we don't want to leave you stupid pink monkeys?" Karkat snapped. "Maybe we don't fucking need your help either. Has that ever crossed your think pan? But no, no, thank you so much for your fucking approval to do whatever we gogdamn please. Thank Jegus fuck. Hey, guess what though? I'd already decided to decide for myself so that means I gave me permission. Not you fuckasses. Thank you Karkat! You're very fucking welcome."_

"_Bluh, bluh, bluh," Terezi said, snickering some when the Cancer flipped her off in response. "Human town isn't that bad... I kind of like it."_

_ Dave's lips pulled into a slight smirk at the blind troll's answer, but he wasn't fooled; he knew Terezi too well to not notice that hint of hesitation in her voice. It would appear that Rose had, once more, accurately hit on something important._

"_While it's definitely not the most horrible city in the history of paradox space," Kanaya said now, her eyes locked unwaveringly onto the table. "I think that… I do not particularly wish to completely abandon this chance to rejoin troll society."_

_ Karkat's eyebrows rose up in surprise; he was certain that the rainbow drinker would have fought to stay with the humans. Though he hadn't seen any human-troll romcoms, it was incredibly fucking obvious that Kanaya and the Rose human wanted to form some sort of weird matespritship. This fact was ridiculously fucking weird in and of itself, but now it appeared as if the Virgo would prefer to leave her? Karkat logged this fact for later; regardless of what they decided, Kanaya would probably come to him at some point begging for his awesome romance advice._

"_Kanaya, you… Want to leave the humans?" Terezi pressed, voicing the same surprise that Karkat held._

"_It's not that," she said a little too quickly. "My lusus… When she died she left me with the precious gift of her matriorb to continue on our species. She selected me as her wiggler; she trusted me with the duties expected of jade bloods and relinquished her position as a mother grub to raise me to it. When Eridan destroyed that matriorb… It was more than just a betrayal. It was as if my entire existence was meaningless. To think that I failed the lusus who had given up so much for me was unpardonable. But now, I suppose, I've been given a sort of second chance. She would have wanted me to fulfill my role in the brooding caverns; tending to the mother grub that I had failed to usher in. It is the only way I can even begin to atone for the failure that will haunt me every year on my Wriggling Day. What sort of troll would I be to turn my back on such an obligation?"_

_ Another silence filled the group as Kanaya spoke; she did have a good point, after all. Karkat frowned slightly as she mentioned the hemospectrum, and he remembered a truth pertinent solely to himself; human or troll society, he was still going to be an outcast._

Placing the last of his shirts into one of the dresser drawers, the nubby horned troll gathered up the empty bags and threw them in one corner; he'd throw everything out all at once when he was done.

Clothes were now only some of the things he owned, as this past month had been filled with plenty of purchases. Some were basic hygienic purchases such as a toothbrush, hairbrush, and shampoo. They had already all been placed into the ablution trap bit by bit, stuffed into drawers or thrown on the counter. There were new romcoms and romance novels to add to Karkat's collection, and he'd even gotten a few of the human variety out of curiosity. Big purchases had been made as well, and his new, big and cushy purple recuperacoon sat in one corner of the respiteblock. In addition to this, there was a dresser with a decently sized television sitting atop it, a 'loveseat couch', a desk, and a bookshelf.

Karkat wanted to get to work putting up some of his posters, but being as short as he was meant that it would take a ladder to properly decorate the block. He simply didn't feel like hassling with all of that right now; it could wait until later. A buzz sounded from the dresser, and those candy red eyes jumped over to his cell phone. Retrieving the device, he looked over the text.

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

hey there  
BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND

- - Today 9:21pm - -

Karkat rolled his eyes; what the hell did this fuckass want?

- - You sent - -

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FUCKASS?

- - Today 9:23pm - -

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

i all up and miss you karbro. Do:  
HONK  
can i slam a wicked visit motherfucker?

- - Today 9:29pm - -

Jegus fuck, he really was that fucking stupid.

- - You sent - -

DID YOU REALLY JUST FUCKING ASK THAT?  
FUCK YOU.  
NO YOU CAN'T.  
YOU CAN'T VISIT EVER BECAUSE YOU ASKED THAT.  
FUCKASS CLOWN.

- - Today 9:30pm - -

"_Look, let's just slow down a second here on all the depressing heavy shit," Dave said, leaning back in his chair. "Aren't we being a bit quick to decide? I mean damn, we haven't even tried to see if there are troll-human places out there."_

"_I agree," Jade piped in, Becsprite ears flicking under her hoodie. "Maybe there aren't any in this world, but isn't it worth it to at least check?"_

_ Terezi nodded eagerly, poking Kanaya with her cane and receiving a solemn nod as an answer._

"_I'm not saying that we should just up and say goodbye right this second," Rose stated calmly, rubbing her temples. "All I'm implicating is that we should be prepared for the very real possibility that we aren't going to be able to stick together this time. It's something that, if and when it comes time to make that decision, we should each be ready to deal with."_

"_Honk."_

_ The group turned to look at Gamzee who, after honking, had continued to just sit there and stare off into space. After a few seconds of getting no further input from him, Rose went on._

"… _And that is why I brought it up."_

"_You dumbfucks can do whatever you want," Karkat growled, crossing his arms as he spoke to the other trolls. "But I can't wait to get out of human fuckass town. We don't belong here, it's not fucking natural."_

_ The nubby horned troll clenched his sharp teeth together, trying to appear as unaffected as possible. Though he talked a big game, he really didn't want to be left alone in a new world trying to discretely blend his freak self back into troll society. It was just too gogdamn much._

"… _Uh, can this wait for five minutes?" John asked, looking to the others sheepishly._

"_What, is this too hard for your stupid human think pan to process?" Karkat scoffed, glaring at the human through Equius' sunglasses._

"_No, it's not really that, it's just…"_

"_Well fucking out with it Egbert!"_

"_I kind of… Have to pee."_

_There was such a huge facepalm combo that it may live in infamy._

_It wasn't over 9000._

_But it was still pretty fucking impressive._

Karkat's phone was taking too long to buzz again, and either way he was tired of talking to his moirail; the Capricorn was just too fucking exhausting. So, the nubby horned troll opened a drawer and wedged the phone between some of his clothes so that it wouldn't make too much noise. It probably would have been easier to just turn the damn thing off, but that thought hadn't really crossed his mind.

The troll was feeling a little bit hungry, but not quite enough to want to venture out of his respiteblock to get food. After a bit of contemplation, he finally decided he'd just get to it later. He instead glanced over to the romance novels on his bookshelf, picking out one of the human stories.

Maybe he could read this to pass the time.

This particular one had two male humans on the front, and the cashier had given him a weird look when he'd bought it. Karkat had returned this look with a glare (albeit an ineffective one seeing as he'd had those broken sunglasses on) and then left. He was a good mile away from the store when he'd finally remembered that humans had some weird thing about 'homosexuality', as John had called it.

Jegus, was Karkat happy he wasn't in that stupid fuckass human city anymore.

_ The various sounds of different keyboards being pecked away on echoed through the human's hotel room. Karkat wasn't adding to this little symphony as he'd been more interested in raiding the cupboards in the kitchenette._

"_Where are the glasses?" he growled._

"_In the cupboard next to the fridge," Rose answered before Dave could give some snarky remark._

_It was hard enough to do research without those two arguing._

_ Karkat reached up and grabbed one of the glasses from said cupboard and filled it with ice. He then walked over to the sink for some water and quietly settled on the couch to watch the others work. Jade, John, Rose and Dave were on their laptops to answer once and for all the question plaguing everyone's minds: Were there any cohabitation societies for troll and human alike?_

_The four trolls ending up in the human hotel without their husktops had kind of been an accident, though._

_ Following their discussion at the mall, Rose's curiosity just wouldn't stand to wait any longer and she had excused herself to look into it back at the hotel. When an offer was extended to Kanaya to join her, the Virgo hadn't hesitated to come along. One by one after that, the remaining six had ended up joining them; Dave had once more brought up video games and thusly corralled Terezi and John into heading back to the hotel with him while Karkat had decided for himself and Gamzee that the human mall was stupid and ordered Jade to lead them back._

_Needless to say, the nubby horned troll was furious when she led them back to the human hotel._

_ When they'd entered Jade and Rose's room, they were surprised to see Dave and John there helping to research instead of playing video games. _

_Karkat noted that they were all pretty much in the same fucking position they had been in when he, Jade and Gamzee had arrived; Kanaya and Rose were huddled around one computer, Terezi and Dave around another with John typing away next to them. The only difference now was that Jade had joined them in this little task and presently sat next to Rose and Kanaya._

_They had all been at this for two fucking hours with no results._

Karkat's stomach suddenly let out a loud rumble, effectively tearing his thoughts away from the novel that he'd only gotten ten pages into. The Cancer angrily slammed the book shut and threw it to the other end of the couch. His nutrition sack clearly was going to whine like a newly hatched grub until he ate something. It was kind of inevitable, though, he supposed.

He was going to have to deal with those other fuckasses eventually.

The nubby horned troll walked out of the respiteblock and instantly felt two long arms embrace and pick him up into a hug.

"Honk! Best motherfucking friend!" Gamzee exclaimed hugging him tightly. "I all up and missed you! It's been so long."

"It hasn't even been an hour fuckass!" the troll snapped, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "Fucking put me down!"

The Capricorn did as he was told and released Karkat from his arms. Rose covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hide a giggle as best she could at the kitchenette bar.

"Well how else would you expect him to react?" she asked. "You forced him out of your room and told him not to come back."

"Jegus fuck! I just wanted to take a gogdamn ablution in fucking peace and quiet," Karkat growled, rummaging through the thermal hull. "Is that so much to ask? I'm allowed some fucking privacy here in this human-troll clusterfuck!"

"Holy shit, do you ever stop yelling?" came the smooth voice of Dave from the living room as he ran his Princess Peach kart past Terezi's Mario and John's Toad. "Seriously, if we're all going to live in this apartment you need to learn to keep that obnoxious midget mouth of yours closed sometime."

"This is never going to fucking work," Karkat grumbled, ignoring Strider's comments. "It's been one fucking day and I already can't stand any of you fuckasses."

It had taken a whole lot of research and digging around, but the group had eventually managed to find a city where they could all stay together. It was an experimental sort of human government funded project, and Rose had explained that it was supposed to try and lessen the gap between the two species. Unfortunately, being a new, one of a kind city meant that it was their only option.

Though it was experimental and against the general status quo of the world, the city was absolutely beautiful and was a big, pulsing, thriving metropolis that outsiders were dying to get in to. Being made for both species, the city was a flourishing environment night or day with amusement parks open around the clock, restaurants that never closed, and other such 24/7 setups everywhere. Trolls and humans alike did live there, but the 'experimental' part of the city still had a lot of problems. From what Rose had told them, human on troll and troll on human violence were the most common types of crimes, and laws in general were constantly being tweaked and argued over to try and meet both cultures halfway. In short; humans and trolls both wanted to live in this fantastic city.

But neither of the groups wanted to live alongside the other.

It came as no surprise, then, when the only places that were open for them to live in had been 'apartment-stems' which were specifically designed for humans and trolls wishing to reside under one roof. These particular units always seemed to have open rooms and were even set at much cheaper rates to try and encourage the two species to get on together.

So here they all had ended up; a four room/respiteblock, two bath/ablution trap in an apartment-stem.

Just as it was advertised on that sketchy website that Rose had found.

Karkat had honestly gotten a bit lucky when it came to the rooming situation. And by 'lucky', he meant fucking stubborn in refusing to give up the only respiteblock with its own ablution trap. The only downside was that the living arrangements had held fast for everyone upon moving in; Dave roomed with John, Terezi blocked with Kanaya, Rose roomed with Jade.

And Karkat was, once more, stuck with the fucking clown.

Who was still sober.

The nubby horned troll sat on one of the stools at the bar top, munching on a piece of celebratory cake that Jade had bought earlier that day. Warily, he glanced over to his moirail as if he could figure out where his mind was with just a simple look. The Capricorn caught him staring, though, and merely widened that lazy grin of his; indigo eyes locked onto Karkat's own candy red ones. Raising an eyebrow in silent questioning, the Cancer looked away and went back to enjoying the sweet and surprisingly delicious confection.

Gamzee was an unpredictable blockmate, and living with the rest of these fuckasses would probably be like a sickle up the bone bulge slowly driving Karkat out of his think pan.

All things considered, though… He supposed it wasn't all that bad.


	10. We Saved This Meowbeast

We Saved This Meowbeast

"Which is why," Rose said. "Even though they're essentially the same product, the 'organic' version tends to be quite a bit pricier."

"Fascinating. I had no idea that there was such a focus on the renewability of resources when it came to humans," Kanaya answered, shifting the weight of several grocery bags from one hip to the other. "I suppose I've never really taken much time to stop and consider such a thing. It's never been a major focus in troll society."

"Not at all? You'll have to explain that one to me."

"Well, it makes sense when you look at the way of life we trolls were brought up into. When it came to adults, the focus was on galactic conquest. Seeing that her Imperious Condescension ended up here only further supports my hypothesis. What I mean is, why bother to try and preserve the resources to maintain the stability of a planet when one could merely move on instead?"

"Hmm… It does make a lot of sense, when you put it that way."

The two girls were taking a leisurely stroll away from the human-troll grocery store back to their apartment-stem. It was a bit of a walk and they very easily could have taken a cab, but for some unspoken reason the two had decided they'd rather walk instead.

If nothing else, it gave them a little bit of time alone.

Kanaya found that she was settling into life fairly easily in the apartment-stem, and she was more than a bit thrilled over the fact that she could remain with Rose for a while longer. As an added bonus, with Terezi almost constantly sticking to Dave, the rainbow drinker often found that she had their shared respiteblock to herself. Yes, Kanaya had decided that this arrangement was quite auspicious… For now.

The jade blood hadn't just been talking out of her nook when she'd mentioned taking her place in the brooding caverns. Trying to come up with a compromise, though, was still a matter that made her think pan hurt. So, for now, she was taking the easier route of ignoring the topic.

She was getting rather good at ignoring topics lately.

Kanaya successfully resisted the urge to glance over at Rose as muddled thoughts about her flushcrush crossed her think pan. She still had so many questions and so little answers. After the human had so hastily released her hand back in that previous city, the troll had been too nervous to bring the matter up.

Rose suddenly made some weird noise, causing the Virgo to abandon her thoughts in favor of glancing over at her with a look of confusion.

"What did you say?" Kanaya asked.

She knew she hadn't been paying close attention, but that noise didn't sound like anything she'd heard before.

"I didn't," Rose responded, nonchalantly setting down the groceries she'd been carrying. "It came from this alleyway."

"… What did?"

* * *

Bright, candy red miracles.

They could drip from the walls.

Or stream out in a mirthful waterfall from the lowblood's lips.

Gamzee sat in one corner of his respiteblock, hiding underneath his pile of bike horns. The tall troll was trying his best to curl up and just disappear into them, but it wasn't working. One factor preventing this were his own two orange horns that, no matter what position he got into, stuck out in some way. He had to find a way to hide from the others right now; his think pan was a psychotic mess.

To make things worse, Karkat was in their block at the moment messing with his husktop; not paying any motherfucking attention. It would be all too easy to just walk over there and cull him like the worthless-

"Shut up," the Capricorn growled suddenly, quickly reaching up to cover his loud mouth.

The soft clacking of the keyboard stopped as Karkat turned to face him in his horn pile, a curious expression on his face mixed with the ever present tinge of annoyance.

"… Gamzee?"

Fuck. Now he all up and worried his moirail by randomly saying 'shut up' when there were no motherfucking things to shut. The voices weren't real; only up in his own think pan. Quick, he had to say something to keep Karkat away.

"Honk," he whispered, hoping that this little generic word would satisfy the Cancer.

"… Fuckass," Karkat grumbled, turning back to his husktop.

Gamzee let out a quiet sigh of relief, but curled tighter to himself. He couldn't keep going on like this; fighting these urges and thoughts was taking every bit of his self-control. If only he could find some form of motherfucking outlet.

Cull the others.

They need to be put in their places.

And they'd never see it coming.

Indigo and yellow eyes jumped around his respiteblock, trying to find something that could occupy his thoughts. There was the DDR game, but he hadn't set it up yet and trying to do so in this state would probably end poorly. He could try to ask Karkat to do it for him, but the Cancer would most definitely refuse and cause Gamzee to lose it. No, the video game idea wouldn't work.

Those colors are nothing compared to the real miracles anyway.

Beautiful miracles every color of the hemospectrum.

The Capricorn's eyes finally stopped on a can of grape Faygo sitting on the dresser. It was empty, but it gave Gamzee an idea; he could go slam a wicked elixir in the kitchenette!

Without warning, the clown suddenly popped out of his pile of bike horns with a loud 'honk' and ran towards the door. This, of course, scared the living shit out of Karkat who fell off of his chair and back onto the ground.

"Jegus mother of fuck Gamzee!" the nubby horned troll yelled after his absconding form. "Worst fucking blockmate ever! Shitty ass clown jumps out-"

Gamzee couldn't clearly decipher what Karkat was yelling after that point, though he could still hear the shorter troll going on in their respiteblock. Opening up the fridge, his wide grin stretched even farther and he triumphantly withdrew a can of orange Faygo. He hastily popped the top and brought the frosty beverage to his lips; chugging it so fast that he had barely even tasted it.

The Capricorn took a deep breath, his nerves feeling a bit calmer now. That had bought him some time, but his mind would wander back to those murderous thoughts sooner or later, maybe he could set up the-

"Hic."

What the hell?

Gamzee hiccupped again and he tried to look down at his mouth to see it happen. After several minutes with little more accomplished than him bending over, the Capricorn abandoned this task. Now standing up straight, his eyes resumed their preferred, half-lidded, relaxed state as he happily waited for each little miracle to pop out of his speak hole.

Praise the mirthful messiahs, it was a motherfucking miracle.

The door to the apartment-stem opened suddenly, and the Capricorn lazily glanced over to see Kanaya with several precariously stacked grocery bags.

"Woah, do you HIC all up and need HIC help sister?" Gamzee asked, reaching up to relieve her of some of the bags.

"Thank you Gamzee," Kanaya answered, setting the remaining bags on the bar top. "You know, a glass of water should get rid of those hiccups."

"Don't even HIC get your worry on about HIC that little sis. I all up and HIC kind of like these surprise HIC miracles."

"Alright, suit yourself then. If you could help me put these things away then?"

"Sure thing motherfucker."

Gamzee was so caught up in helping Kanaya with the groceries that he hadn't even noticed Rose follow in behind her with something small cradled in her arms.

Someone else, though, did notice.

No sooner had Rose shut the door when Jade came running out of her room, Becsprite ears laid back and lightly growling at the Seer. Rose lifted whatever was in her hands up over her head, trying to keep it away from the Witch of Space.

"Jade, control yourself," she chastised. "It's just a kitten."

"I'm trying to, I'm sorry," Jade responded between growls. "I can't help it… Bec really hated cats."

Gamzee's attention shifted to Rose and Jade, and more specifically to whatever the Seer had brought with her.

"A HIC what?" he asked.

"The grub form of a cat," Kanaya explained. "It's a little meowbeast. Kind of like Nepeta's lusus, but smaller and with only one mouth."

Gamzee caught a glimpse of the little black furry thing trying to squirm away from Jade, who was now barking, and he leaned down to get a closer look.

"We were walking home from the store when we passed this alley," Rose said, trying to hold onto the wriggling creature. "We heard it meow, and the little thing was all by itself. It's too young to be off on its own, and I suspect it's still on milk even. So we brought it home with us… Would you like to hold it?"

Gamzee perked up at this question, beaming at the Seer before giving another very loud hiccup.

"Let me get my HIC squeeze on with this bitchHICtits motherfucker," the troll said, holding his hands out to Rose.

"Yes, well, do be careful. It's very small, so squeezing it might not be the best of approaches."

The human handed him the little fluffy black ball, and Gamzee brought it close to his face for further inspection. It had bright yellow eyes, tiny, pointed ears and was a lot warmer than the Capricorn had been expecting.

"This little miracle is HIC motherfucking adorable," he declared, raising the kitten up as if it were some sort of prize.

Jade was still trying to get to the fuzzy creature, but was unable to reach Gamzee's towering height.

"We don't have a name for it yet, but it's going to be living with us from now on," Rose stated. "So we need to figure out whose room it'll stay in. I think it should go without saying that it can't stay in our room."

The Seer gave a slight smirk to Jade who responded with a sheepish grin, having finally gotten herself under control.

"What's going on?" John asked, stepping out of his and Dave's room. "Why was Jade barking?"

Gamzee lowered the kitten down for John to see, and the boy smiled a big buck toothed grin before picking it up.

"It's a kitty! Dave! Come here, we have a kitten!"

"Calm down Egbert," Dave answered, exiting their room with Terezi hot on his heels. "It's not even that big a deal. Besides, aren't you allergic to cats or some shit?"

As if on cue, John let out a sneeze and handed the kitten back to Gamzee.

"Oh, right. Heh…"

The Capricorn suddenly had a fantastic idea, and he placed the kitten on top of his head in his thick, messy nest of black hair. The rest of the group was chattering excitedly about the kitten, but he was too interested in this latest escapade to listen. Curling up after a bit of adjustment, the kitten closed its eyes and started moving… But not moving.

"Whoa," Gamzee said, trying to see what the little thing was doing. "Little motherfucker's HIC vibrating. Who up and told it to HIC do that?"

Rose smiled warmly at the sight; it appeared they'd solved the question of whose room the kitten would stay in with little worry. Kanaya had voiced that she didn't much want to clean up after the strange creature on the walk home, and Gamzee seemed to have grown attached to it. The Seer made a mental note to take the kitten to the vet soon to find out if it was a boy or girl. Shots would also be in order, but all of that could wait until later.

"Gamzee?" she asked, waiting for the tall troll to pay attention to her. "Would you like the kitten to stay in your and Karkat's room? Now, if you say yes, you're going to have to -"

"Yes."

"Wait, let me finish," Rose said with a light chuckle. "You'll have to keep a close eye on it. At this age the kitten could get into all kinds of trouble. It's a lot of responsibility… Are you sure you can handle it?"

"You know it bitchtits HIC human sister," Gamzee said, walking back to his respiteblock to show Karkat their new blockmate.

The taller troll peeked inside and silently pushed the door open, his wide grin stretching farther upon realizing that Karkat hadn't heard him. Taking care to keep the kitten balanced on his head, the Capricorn quietly got down on his hands and knees. Every time a hiccup would jolt him, his eyes would dart back to Karkat to make sure he was still undetected. He crawled over to the nubby horned troll, inching closer and closer until he was finally right behind him.

"… Best mother-"

"Holy Jegus fuck!" Karkat exclaimed spinning around in his chair to face the unexpected noise.

The shorter troll was then face to face with the kitten nestled between Gamzee's horns, and he let out a fairly sissy, girly sounding scream before kicking the Capricorn in the chest. He didn't quite move the taller, sturdy troll so much as he pushed himself back some. Karkat scrambled back in an attempt to abscond, but was thwarted by the evil desk holding his husktop.

"What in festering scabbed over hell is in your fucking clown ass hair?" the Cancer yelled, still trying to scooch away from it.

"It's our new motherfucking blockmate! Kind of like, a miracle little meowbeast. The humans called it-"

Gamzee stopped now, trying to think about why he hadn't been interrupted at all during that sentence. A disappointing realization got its settle in with his think pan.

"Shit motherfucker," he said, grin shifting to a skewed frown. "I fucking lost my miracle hiccups."

"Can you stop being a fuckass long enough to explain why the hell there's a meowbeast in your hair? And it's not fucking staying here! Get rid of it."

"Rose doesn't all up and know what this little motherfucker's gender is," Gamzee went on, plucking the kitten out of his hair.

"Are you sure you haven't been ingesting any of that think pan rotting swill?" Karkat growled, storming over to the door. "Because I'm pretty fucking sure I just said it's not staying here. Get it out of here Gamzee! And I don't give a fuck what kind of heat it's packing!"

"Wait, that's the most miraculous name ever," the Capricorn went on, laying back on the couch with the fluffy kitten. "I'll name it… 'Little Motherfucker'!"

"… That is the worst fucking name I have ever heard. We're not keeping it and we're sure as fuck not calling it 'Little Motherfucker'."

Karkat pointed out of the open door, glaring at his moirail expectantly. Once more, though, Gamzee had chosen to continue on with his previous line of thought instead.

"Wait no, I'll name it after my motherfucking wicked elixir! Faygo!"

"Wow, I was wrong. There actually is a name more fucking stupid than 'Little Motherfucker' and you just figured it out," Karkat rolled his eyes, realizing he was clearly not going to be winning this one. "Another fucking miracle to chock up to your ridiculous clown religion."

"Karkat!" Gamzee shouted, causing the shorter troll to jump once more. "That's it! It's right in front of me. The most mirthful name of all…"

It took Karkat a second to realize what Gamzee was getting at, and his entire expression appeared to drop.

"… No fucking way."

"I'll name it-"

"Don't say it Gamzee. I'm fucking warning you."

"Shit, well I don't want my best motherfucking friend to be all sore at me," the Capricorn said, watching the kitten clumsily climb over him. "Alright Karbro, I won't say it then."

"Thank fucking gog," the nubby horned troll grumbled, opening the door once more. "I'm going to get some fucking nutrition. Does that stupid meowbeast need to eat or something?"

"Hmm… I don't really got my know on about that motherfucking shit. Rose would be the sister to up and ask about that."

Karkat let out an irritated sort of snarl and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Gamzee picked up the kitten, holding it over his face and smiling lazily at it. This was exactly what he needed; something to keep his think pan occupied so that he didn't think about… Bad things.

"Your name," the taller troll said to the creature, safe in the silence of Karkat's exit. "Is Miracle. Because you're going to be my motherfucking miracle. Shit, I guess I could all up and give you more names though… Fuck, I know. Miracle Faygo Little Motherfucker."

The kitten cocked its head and let out a yawn as it dangled loosely in Gamzee's grasp.

"Don't up and tell Karkat though. It'll be our motherfucking secret, and I'll just call you Miracle for short. But not around my motherfucking invertabrother… I guess I just won't talk to you when he's around."

Gamzee set the kitten back down and quietly watched as it began to explore their respiteblock. It walked over wires and around the legs of Karkat's chair, stopping at the Cancer's recuperacoon to sharpen its claws. The Capricorn made it stop, though, after seeing tiny grooves being carved into his moirail's sleeping spot.

Hopefully Karkat just wouldn't look at that motherfucking section.

After a time, the Cancer reappeared; now holding a bag of chips in one hand and a tiny, strange looking plastic thing in the other. If Gamzee were to guess, he'd say it looked like a 'motherfucking musclebeast squeeze thing'.

"What's that?" the taller troll asked. "Some motherfucking musclebeast squeeze thing?"

"Gog. Please don't be fucking stupid right now. I really don't have the energy," Karkat answered, forcing the thing into Gamzee's hands. "The fuckass meowbeast needs to drink that shit. All of it."

The Capricorn's indigo eyes shifted from Karkat to the device filled with what looked to be some type of milk, and that long grin began to split his face again. His moirail tried to be such a big tough guy all the time, but he wouldn't let a little motherfucker like Miracle get its hungry on. Karkat was just too motherfucking nice for that shit. It was why he was such a good friend; Gamzee's best motherfucking friend ever.

Without saying anything in response, the taller troll set to work trying to figure out the strange feeding device for Miracle. He didn't have to mess with it for long, though, for the little black kitten eventually latched onto what appeared to be the device's only opening. It was like, it somehow up and knew what kind of thing to motherfucking do.

Miracle was doing a motherfucking miracle.

Gamzee kept still, waiting for the kitten to finish feeding and contentedly watching it fervently try to get every last drop of milk. It kind of all reminded him of something… No, someone. It reminded him of someone with how it was all determined and being so motherfucking adorable without even noticing. Maybe Nepeta?

A twinge of pain struck the Capricorn's vascular pump as he thought of his little cat sister.

The one that he culled with his own motherfucking clubs.

And her miraculous green blood sprayed everywhere.

Gamzee sighed to himself as those thoughts once more creeped to the surface of his think pan. Miracle was wonderful, and would be a good distraction, but it was beginning to look impossible to silence the voices for good.


	11. MOR3 FUN 4T MCDON4LD'S

**A/N: Alright, so, this took far too long for me to update (in regard to how often I usually update chapters) and for this you've my sincerest apologies. Anyway, that said, there are two things I'd like to mention. One is in regard to this chapter, the other addresses a matter regarding LOHAT but not specifically something to do with any particular chapter.**

**BLUHBLUHBLUH here are the things:**

**- For whatever reason, this website does not seem to like the 'greater than' or 'less than' keys ._.' I don't know if I've tried to use this before in the previous chapters and just haven't noticed that it's disappeared, but yes. I'm well aware that Terezi's typing quirk, in regards to faces, always has the little 'greater than' sign in front of the eyes to denote her horns/eyebrows depending on whatever she wants them to be. As much as this inaccuracy irks me to no end, I'm afraid that I cannot get the little fuckers to stay put so yes... Imagination time. Imagine ze horns. +_+**

**- As you all know, I am eternally grateful for your response and for how much feedback I've been getting with this fanfiction. Though I've mentioned it before, it never hurts to say yet again how much I really do appreciate it. You people make me want to write and do stuff for you just by being so fan-damn-tastic. :] NOW, happy feel good babbling aside, I shall come out with the real second point. I have been thinking of creating a tumblr account (also something I've never done before XD) for LOHAT. Mostly for the doodles that I seem to be churning out more and more lately, but also as a kind of substitute for these dreaded 'authors notes' that I feel weird dropkicking into the beginning of select chapters. In other words, I'd use it both for posting doodles as well as for posting little things like, say, what might be going on to keep me from updating faster or different ideas for other fanfictions later on. Maybe also some sort of ask-the-characters thing for fun if I feel like it? I'm not sure. Am still fleshing out the idea in my mind and holy hell when did this second point become a fucking paragraph. GUH. Ok, fast-forwarding through the bullshit. Basically, I'm going to be making a tumblr (will give another authors note whenever it's to my liking) and I may or may not be less ghost-y and more respond-y with it. Again, all depending upon reception.**

**Am done now. Enjoy chapter 11!**

**- One last second addendum; thank you NekoSey for pointing out the magically disappearing cup-hat. ^^' It has been corrected.**

MOR3 FUN 4T MCDON4LD'S

Dave looked over the various options on the overhead menu at McDonald's, trying to determine which one Terezi might like best. In truth, the troll wasn't very picky when it came to food, save for preferring the more colorful dishes. She was currently standing next to him, snickering to herself every so often. Dave really didn't even have a single clue what that shit was about.

Whatever, trolls were weird.

"Alright," he said finally, looking at the cashier through his sunglasses. "Let me get two McFlurries. One M&M's, one Oreo. And two toys."

Terezi began giggling again, and Dave accurately assumed that it was due to the look on the cashier's face. It had only faltered for a moment, but the employee then placed their order and retrieved both a girl and boy's toy from underneath the counter. She handed them to Dave who, naturally, gave the boy's toy to Terezi and kept the girl's toy for himself.

Irony at its finest.

The two waited for their desserts and, once they got them, Terezi walked off to a far corner table on one side of the restaurant. Dave smirked and took up a chair on the complete opposite side of the room, flashing her a smirk as he leaned back in his seat.

It didn't take long for an incredibly loud female moan (his ringtone) to sound out from the Knight's pocket. Fishing out the device, a single eyebrow raised over the rim of his sunglasses as he read over the text.

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

R4C3?  
:]

- - Today 2:43pm - -

It took Dave a second to realize what she was talking about, but one glance down at his McFlurry gave him the answer. A sort of evil smirk graced his face, and he quickly tapped back an answer to the blind troll on the other side of the restaurant.

- - You sent - -

sure thing  
lets make this shit interesting  
loser has to obey the winner till we get back to the apartment-stem

- - Today 2:45pm - -

Dave looked over to the troll, silently waiting for his message to be received. She picked up her phone, read it, and texted an answer back before shooting him one of her famous shiteating grins. The Knight's pocket moaned once more, and he read over the answer.

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

H3H3H3H, D34L

- - Today 2:45pm - -

The Knight took out the plastic spoon that came with his dessert and, with no greater speed than before, he began enjoying the frosty treat.

Terezi, on the other hand, was snickering and eating her McFlurry as fast as she could manage; playing right into Dave's wicked plan. Nobody could eat something that cold so fast; she'd get brain freeze and he'd win. Like some tortoise and hare shit. Only he wasn't the tortoise either; those fuckers were lame.

Several minutes passed uneventfully, though, and Dave was hit with the startling realization that his plan wasn't going to work; Terezi was a troll, not a human.

"Shit," Dave said, now also trying to hurriedly eat his dessert.

No way was he going to be Terezi's bitch even for a second; she'd probably make him do some real crazy shit like take his sunglasses off. Man, that shit just couldn't be allowed to happen. No, he had had plenty of following Terezi's orders when they were playing the game.

Spoonful after spoonful, Dave was beginning to feel confident in the fact that he might actually be able to catch up to the troll girl. But with only two more bites left, his victory was snatched away by the onslaught of a sharp, intense pain running through his head.

It was brain freeze.

Man, that was kind of ironic.

The Knight rubbed his forehead, trying to will away the McFlurry tundra that was now his brain. Once it finally dissipated, Dave glanced up to see the sharp, toothy grin of his better as she licked her lips free of the dessert remnants. Dave's phone moaned, and he hesitated only a second before opening up the text Terezi had sent him.

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

TH4T W4SNT V3RY COOL  
;]

- - Today 2:51pm - -

Dave smirked at his phone and placed it back into his pocket without responding. Two spoonfuls of McFlurry later, he had polished off his dessert and was heading to the garbage can to dispose of it.

"Not so fast coolkid," Terezi said, getting up from her own seat to join him. "That's part of your new hat."

The Knight looked at the troll's outstretched hand, or more specifically at her own empty McFlurry cup being offered to him, and a sly grin tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Sure thing," he said coolly, stuffing one cup inside of the other and perching it precariously on top of his head.

Terezi snickered at how compliant the usually sassy Dave Strider was, and she tapped his ankle with her cane.

"Hey, hey, isn't this familiar?" she giggled. "Or should I say ironic? Me giving orders and you having to follow them. At least you've gotten some practice, coolkid."

"No shit. I'm like, the mayor of dealing with your crazy ass troll shenanigans," he responded, tilting his chin at her defiantly. "Hit me with all you got."

"That almost sounds like a challenge."

"Bring it."

"Very well, Dave Strider," Terezi said with a false swoon. "Then how about you show me your best impression of the giant hairy beast from that movie we watched last night?"

"What? You mean like this?"

With that, the Knight picked up Terezi and slung her over his shoulder; imitating a sort of ape walk towards the playplace. The blind troll began laughing as soon as she was being moved, and she took extra care to flail and hinder his movements.

"Oh help me brave human authorities!" she snickered, half-assedly trying to free herself. "Dave Strider Kong has taken leave of his sassy coolkid ways in favor of a much more barbaric manner!"

Despite her 'struggling', Dave was able to maintain his grasp on the troll as well as his balancing cup-hat and began to climb up the plastic steps. His destination wasn't far off; after all, what King Kong impersonation would be complete without that dramatic climb to the summit?

"This is the police!" Terezi said, cupping her hands around her mouth to imitate a megaphone. "Strider Kong! Please do not scale the skyscrapers in a manner that is ironic or otherwise!"

Dave let out a slight huff akin to the gorilla he was pretending to be, and Terezi burst out into yet another fit of laughter. Soon, the two were at the top of the playplace and Dave had managed to lift the blind troll up over his head.

"Heheheh!"

"Man, the bitch in that movie was not going 'heheh'," Dave said, smirking to the giggling girl above him. "She definitely screamed or some shit."

"Strider Kongs don't talk!" she said, tapping his shoulder with her cane. "Minus fifty coolkid points."

The Knight set her down next to him and crossed his arms, huffing and hunching his shoulders to better fit his role.

"That's better!" Terezi said with a grin. "But now we're so high up. However will we get down?"

Dave smirked before turning his back to her and kneeling down.

"Climb on," he said. "I'll scale this bitch all the way back down to the city."

"With an acrobatic pirouette?" Terezi asked while climbing onto his back.

"Warned you about stairs bro."

Terezi snickered again, but wrapped her arms tight around Dave's neck. The Knight got up from his kneeled position and began to descend with the blind troll.

"To the apartment-stem!" Terezi commanded, pointing off in a random direction with her cane. "Unless it's too hard?"

"Dude, you know that's not even a thing."

"Of course not! Nothing could ever possibly be too much for this amazing coolkid!"

"Damn right."

As if to impress her (which he totally wasn't trying to do, not even a little bit) Dave took off into a run as soon as he was on the ground. The troll held onto him, her legs supported by his arms so that she was piggyback style, and directed him this way and that through the city.

Dave just hoped she couldn't smell the looks they were attracting.

From troll and human alike, the Knight could see eyes glaring at them. Rose wasn't kidding; this place was far from being the 'utopian society for all' that the website had claimed it to be. He didn't care though; those pissy dudes could just deal with it. Dave told himself this, but as he continued to run block after block, he found that he was tuning out Terezi's commentary and instead studying the disapproving gazes.

He was a little over halfway to the apartment-stem and his chest felt as if it were on fire. It probably would have been a tad bit less painful had he not insisted on trying to keep up his stoic pokerface. Dave sure as hell wasn't going to be sitting there panting like some dog left in a car for too long, though. He kept his breaths as regular as possible, and maintained an even, albeit somewhat labored, breathing rate.

Dave stopped in front of the first flight of stairs and knelt down to let Terezi off. Adjusting his cup-hat to ensure it would remain in place, he flashed her a quick smirk. He was strong, but he wasn't about to try traipsing up four flights of stairs with an insane blind troll on his back.

After all, she warned him about stairs bro.

The two walked up to their residence, chatting about one thing or another until they'd arrived. Dave unlocked the door and peaked inside, but nobody really seemed to be out and about. He could hear the sounds of Jade and Rose conversing in their room so they were probably in their doing whatever the hell it is chicks do. A television sitcom laugh track in his own room indicated that John was there; undoubtedly watching some shitty series trying its best to be funny. There was no sign of Kanaya that he could instantly pick up on, and the obnoxious yelling midget was quietly out of sight somewhere too.

Thank fucking god.

The only one really out in the main section of the apartment-stem was the weird juggalo troll who, for whatever reason, was ridiculously taller than the rest of them. He was hunched over, rummaging through the fridge undoubtedly for more of that crappy soda he drank.

"Hey Gamzee," Terezi said, sitting on one of the bar top stools.

The tall troll didn't respond, and continued to dig through the refrigerator as if she hadn't even said something. After several minutes of silence, Terezi's grin stretched and she decided to try once more.

"Gamzee! A blind girl is talking to you!" she shouted, causing the Capricorn to jump suddenly and knock his horns against the freezer door.

A very soft meow then came from Gamzee, or rather from the rat's nest of his hair, and Dave quickly drew the conclusion that he must have had the kitten with him. The Knight was about to make some smart ass comment when the troll turned around and straightened up to his full height.

Not about to be taken by surprise should the Capricorn up and decide to start shit, Dave spared a quick glimpse at his eyes. They seemed to hold their usual, zoned out looking expression so Dave decided that Gamzee just hadn't heard Terezi the first time.

"… Honk?" the Capricorn asked, looking down to the blind troll. "Oh, hey there bitchtits blind sister. Sorry, I was up and getting my motherfucking chill on."

"Silly Gamzee, wouldn't the freezer be the better option then?" Terezi teased, pointing just to the right of where she had intended to.

"Man, I didn't even motherfucking think of that," the troll answered, his eyes drifting from the Libra to look over the counters. "Have either of you motherfuckers seen my wicked elixir? I was so motherfucking sure I got my remembering on about having one in this cold miracle box…"

Dave's mind flashed briefly to what he and John had been arguing over earlier that day.

"_Come on Dave! I'm so thirsty…"_

"_Forget it. Egbert, you have tainted the name of apple juice. It's been decided you can never have any ever again. Shit's official yo, there's laws enacted and everything. Just happened this morning."_

"_But the only other options are Rose's weird tea or water," John whined, leaning his head back against the wall. _

"_Dude, Kanaya will get more shit when she goes shopping. Just wait a bit."_

"_I'm thirsty now though…"_

"_Christ. John, what about weird clown troll's shit then?"_

"_What? You mean Gamzee's Faygo?"_

"_Yeah, go drink some of that."_

"_Am I allowed to? I don't know Dave, I mean, he's kind of… Tall and scary…"_

"_Man, you did not even just say that. He's just a roommate. Who's a fucking alien from outer space. It's not that big a deal, just go get one. Bet he won't even notice that shit's missing."_

Of course; Egbert would be enough of a dumpass to take the last fucking one in there. Dave wasn't about to rat his bro out, though, so he merely shrugged in response to the Capricorn's question.

"I haven't seen anything!" Terezi cackled, pointing to her red shades.

Gamzee didn't say anything; his smile didn't falter any and he really just didn't seem to react to the blind troll's joke. Dave was studying him carefully behind his sunglasses, but he hadn't seen any physical change. He was like, the fucking pro at detecting that shit too; years of living with Bro had taught him to pay attention to every little thing. Always. For some reason, though, he could tell that something wasn't quite right; it seemed as if the clown suddenly looked very tense or anxious… But Dave couldn't say why he was suddenly getting that vibe.

Didn't really matter, trolls were weird.

The taller troll glanced towards the door and wordlessly wandered out of it. Dave shrugged off the matter and went to dig through the fridge himself. He pulled out a nice, cold bottle of apple juice before glancing up at Terezi.

"Want something?" he asked.

"Hmm… How about a cup of sassy red Dave Strider blood?" she snickered, smiling her usual, sharp grin at him. "Don't worry, I just want a little taste of it. I bet it's all kinds of delicious!"

"Wow. And here I thought we'd gotten over the whole 'psycho blood obsessed troll' thing," Dave said coolly, taking up a seat next to her. "My bad."

"Heheh, you should at least get a cut or something so I can smell it. Hogging all the cherry blood for yourself! How selfish. Minus 600 coolkid points."

"Yeah, it's a damn shame too. I'm all kinds of fucking tasty up in here."

"What does it taste like? Is it more cherry or strawberry?"

"What does your bucket taste like?"

Terezi burst into a fit of laughter before whacking Dave on the back with her cane, finally causing his makeshift cup-hat to fall off. The Knight allowed a slight smirk to pull at the corner of his lips, but otherwise held his usual pokerface.

"You'd like to know wouldn't you, Dave?"

"Tch, not as much as midget troll does. What's even up with you two anyway?"

Dave kept his voice flat and uncaring; masking his inner curiosity with a mastery from a lifetime of practice. He nonchalantly took a sip of his drink, pretending that he genuinely didn't give a fuck whether or not Terezi was interested in Karkat in any way. He really didn't care, actually. Not even ironically. Nope.

Did. Not. Care.

This is stupid.

Terezi adjusted some in her chair, her smile dropping a bit as her complicated situation with the Cancer was brought up. In all honesty, she was a bit muddled herself over which feelings she held for who.

There had been a time, not so long ago even, when she had been so flushed for Karkat; flushed redder than his delicious candy blood. He would never let her close, though, and seemed more to have feelings of hate than pity toward her. For a while, she had entertained these little, silly games of his without much thought, and in truth it was only when she'd met Dave that she had become so confused. She'd thought she wanted Karkat as a matesprit; that this was how one felt towards a matesprit. Her feelings towards Dave, though, were just so… Different.

The blind troll shrugged and spun around to get off of the bar stool. Bluhbluhbluh, that was enough of that train of thought. She was beginning to feel bored again, and she was now in the mood for creating some masterpieces.

"Let's draw!" she suggested, enthusiastically hurrying off to her room to get her supplies.

Dave followed her, albeit much slower and with a more stoic, bored façade. He still didn't care, by the way. He was just too cool to give a fuck. Not a single fuck was given to the charity asking for fucks to give to the fuckless orphans.

Well… Okay, maybe one of the tiniest, saddest little fucks ever fucked into existence was given.

But that was it.

You know, for the ironies.


	12. know your MOTHERFUCKING PLACE

**A/N: Not going to babble this time. To the point: I have made a tumblr for LOHAT - landofhumansandtrolls . tumblr . com**

**- If you have to be told to remove the spaces from that... Gtfo the internet. D;  
- And I prove I have no clue with what I'm doing with tumblr right off the bat! XD Lmao, thanks to Steff and Lacewing for pointing out my error in typing the url, it has been corrected. ^^'**

know your MOTHERFUCKING PLACE

"Don't you even get your motherfucking worry on Miracle," Gamzee said, his tone shaky as he exited the apartment-stem. "It's all motherfucking good. I got my think pan in a nice chill right now. Like one of my frosty brews. That's all. Just got to go to the motherfucking store and get more. We can do this."

The kitten nestled on Gamzee's head said nothing, but curled tighter into his messy black hair.

"Oh, you're catching some mirthful z's right now. That's alright bro, take your time. We got all the way to the motherfucking store. No rush."

Rain began to fall from the grey clouds that were slowly closing in on the sun. It started out as a light drizzle, with just a few raindrops plopping to the ground, but it soon settled into the steady rhythm of a much heavier rain. It was okay, though, because shit motherfucking does that sometimes.

It's all up and not even a thing at first.

But that motherfucker is just waiting to burst open.

And rain motherfucking miracles.

* * *

Karkat sat at his husktop, clacking away on the keys as he tried to scramble through one of Sollux's old codes. Though things had settled down for the most part, the nubby horned troll was still getting use to the fact that he'd likely never see their other friends again. Sollux, in particular, was one he was going to miss a whole fucking lot.

He hated that guy, but he was still really going to miss him.

In truth, Karkat decided that he hated everyone; the friends who had ended up here and the ones who hadn't. Still, though, he concluded that he'd rather them… Not be gone.

A clap of thunder sounded from outside, and the Cancer realized with little surprise that he'd been reading over the same line of code about four times now. Reaching up to rub his eyes, he then closed his husktop and decided to take a break. After all, with nothing to fucking do all the time in this boring apartment-stem with all these fuckasses, he'd always have an opportunity to get back to it.

Karkat pushed himself away from the desk and stood up to briefly survey the respiteblock. When he got too focused on coding shit, he tended to tune out everything else around him. The room was pretty quiet, save for the soft sounds of rain hitting the roof; almost quiet enough for Karkat to forget he had a blockmate. Gamzee would be back, though, and would undoubtedly break his peaceful solitude with some idiotic blathering with the words 'motherfucker' and 'miracle' haphazardly thrown in like badly placed punctuation marks.

Where was that fuckass anyway?

"_Man, I need me a motherfucking drink. You want some wicked elixir Karbro?"_

Oh yeah, he had gone to get some of his disgusting Faygo. Karkat remembered hearing that, but he had been too absorbed in his husktop to bother giving the clown some rant about how much of a fuckass he was, and how that shit he drank was probably the most vile thing in the history of paradox space.

It occurred to Karkat that Gamzee had left a long time ago; he had gotten through ten lines since then, and it took him forever to fucking get through just one. So, what the hell was keeping him? Knowing his moirail, Karkat decided he was probably standing in the kitchenette stuck in the thermal hull or doing something equally moronic.

The nubby horned troll rolled his eyes and decided he should probably go and check on his fuckass of a best friend. He didn't care all that much, but the idea of letting Gamzee wander around freely and without supervision just didn't sit well with him. After all, the Capricorn was still off the sopor slime and a bit unpredictable for it.

Karkat's mind flashed back to their first night in that multi-block overnight hive stem; Gamzee had gone from fine to rage in a matter of seconds. Luckily, Karkat had been there to sate him before he'd become fully enveloped in his wrath once more. The short troll shuddered to think of what may have happened had the Capricorn's eyes shifted back to that murderous, bright red state.

He still had horror terrors about it sometimes.

They were all back on the meteor, only this time Karkat hadn't been able to calm his moirail down. There was always blood… So much blood. Sometimes it was just smeared across the floor; a sticky, colorful mural acting like a pathway for the homicidal clown. Other times, and more frighteningly so, Karkat would be the one covered in the blood of their friends. Their ghosts would rise around he and Gamzee, furious and blaming him for their deaths. The end result, fortunately, was always the same; he'd wake with a start, silenced only by the thick embrace of his recuperacoon's slime.

He'd concluded a while back that the terrifying images would come to him less frequently if he merely disrobed before curling up in his recuperacoon. Though they were light, his pajamas still inhibited the soothing effects of the sopor slime just enough to keep Karkat from getting a good, restful night of sleep. But what other choice did he have? Get naked with Gamzee less than a few feet away? No fucking thanks. The horrorterrors weren't _that_ bad.

Walking into the kitchenette, Karkat noted that there was a distinct lack of Capricorn and he felt a slight tug in the pit of his nutrition sack.

Okay, no need to panic.

Who's panicking?

Not Karkat, that's who.

Opening up the cupboards and cabinets, the Cancer eventually had to concede that no, Gamzee was not hiding there. Hesitating a second, he stared at the thermal hull before opening it up to reveal no ridiculously tall troll scrunched up. No Gamzee and no something else, Karkat realized with a start.

They were out of Faygo.

Still not panicking.

Still not panicking.

Still not fucking panicking.

"Kanaya!" Karkat snapped with a nervous crack in his voice.

"She's out shopping," Jade called back from her block, poking her head out of the door. "Is something wrong?"

"What? No, nothing's fucking wrong! Just… Fuck. Go back to your stupid human activities."

"O…kay…" Jade answered, raising her eyebrow in confusion.

Karkat waited for her to close the door before pacing back and forth, sharp teeth gnawing on his slightly chapped bottom lip.

Not panicking.

Not panicking.

The nubby horned troll hurried over to Dave and John's block; he didn't want to have deal with either of those dumbfucks, but maybe he'd get lucky. Gamzee would just be in there playing one of their stupid games and Karkat would have been worrying for nothing.

Yeah… That was definitely where he was.

Without knocking, Karkat flung the door open and quickly looked around the room. His expression sank after seeing that the fuckass clown wasn't there either.

"So rude Karkles!" Terezi snickered.

The blind troll took a quick sniff, though, and picked up on how apprehensive the other was. Her usual, evil smile dropped to a frown; something was up.

"Can't you-" Dave started.

"Fucking can it Strider!" Karkat growled, turning towards Terezi. "Where's Gamzee?"

Oh, was that all? Karkat was such a drama queen.

"Quit being so crabby," Terezi snickered, smiling once more. "He just went to go get more Faygo."

"Alone?" Karkat yelled. "You fucking let him leave here alone? The unpredictable fuckass clown with homicidal tendencies, and you let him leave here in the fucking rain without thinking to maybe, I don't know, stop him?"

"Gog Karkat, he's not a grub. He can take care of himself," Terezi sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"Yeah, chill out midget troll," Dave said. "Besides, his eyes weren't all crazy. I checked that shit so calm your fucking tits down."

"I'll keep my tits as uncalm as I want them to be Strider!" Karkat snapped before he could stop himself.

Wait, what?

Dave smirked and Terezi burst out into a fresh set of giggles at a now furiously blushing Karkat. Clearly, the Cancer wasn't going to be getting any fucking help from these idiots.

Karkat slammed the door and went back to the kitchenette. He quickly sat in one of the stools, his claws tapping nervously on the bar top. Suddenly, it occurred to him; he could just text Gamzee! Of course, why hadn't he thought of that sooner?

- - You sent - -

GAMZEE, ARE YOU FUCKING THERE?  
WHERE ARE YOU?

- - Today 3:34pm - -

Karkat's foot tapped anxiously on the barstool, and he glared at his phone as the minutes ticked by. He clicked a button and caused the screen to light up again, hoping that maybe he'd just missed the text come in. The time and wallpaper were the only things staring back at him, though, and he let out a frustrated grumble.

Maybe it hadn't gone through?

- - You sent - -

SERIOUSLY GAMZEE, ANSWER ME.  
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

- - Today 3:47pm - -

The Cancer got up once more, walking back and forth with his red eyes locked on the phone. Any second now… Any second now a response was going to come in and it would be Gamzee being perfectly fine. Not crazy, not killing anyone, just fine.

The phone vibrated in Karkat's hand, causing him to jump at the unexpected sensation. He felt all of his fear and anxiety come to a head as he read over the text.

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

honk  
SO MANY BEAUTIFUL COLORS.  
they're dripping miracles at me. :o)  
BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND.  
honk

- - Today 3:53pm - -

Colors? What fucking colors?

Karkat froze, his think pan racing back to images from the horror terrors that plagued his sleep. The ghosts of their friends blaming him, the murderous gleam in Gamzee's eyes…

And the too colorful, sticky swirl of their blood on the ground.

Without giving it another thought, the short troll stuffed the phone in his pocket and ran out of the apartment-stem. He had to find Gamzee right away; bad weather or not, he had to stop his moirail at any costs.

He wasn't about to have any more blood on his hands.

* * *

Gamzee's feet were planted firmly on the ground; his tall, lanky form standing in the middle of the sidewalk caused those passing by to move around him. He was now thoroughly soaked, and the water his clothes absorbed weighed his pants down and made his shirt cling to him. Miracle was still wrapped up in his hair which was now too was wet and far from the cozy sleeping spot it had been a while ago.

The taller troll's face was tilted up, his eyes locked skyward on the beautiful array of colors stretched across the sky. He'd never seen such a sight before, and he was too stunned to even praise his mirthful messiahs for this miracle. Just staring at it seemed to placate whatever dark ideas came to his think pan.

It was a motherfucking miracle.

Gamzee couldn't say how long he just stood there staring up at the colors in the sky, but he was eventually pulled from his thoughts by a 'honk' from his pocket. Retrieving his phone, the Capricorn's smile stretched as he saw he'd gotten a message from Karkat. He sent a quick response and then replaced the device back in his pocket.

Out of the corner of his eye, the tall troll noticed some strange, white blotch on his black shirt. He stretched out the bottom of it to get a better look and realized it was some of his face paint. Now how did that get there instead of on his motherfucking face?

Oh yeah, it's raining!

Gamzee laughed at this, honking in between, and he retrieved Miracle from the confines of his hair.

"Shit motherfucker, I'm sorry about that," Gamzee said, casually making his way to the nearest overhang. "Guess I got some wicked distraction going on. It's alright though, we just got to get my frosty brews and we'll head back home where it's all warm and motherfucking cozy."

Miracle purred and Gamzee's gaze slowly fell upon their destination. It was just a little convenience mart a short ways away from the apartment-stem, and Gamzee had opted to go their instead of trekking all the way to the grocery store. He just needed to get enough to last until Kanaya got home; his glowing little sister would have all the motherfucking Faygo he'd need. This was just a little emergency trip; he was feeling pretty motherfucking chill now, though, so there wasn't even that much of an emergency.

A particularly loud clap of thunder broke through the pattering of the rain, and the gap in the sky where the rainbow had been was snuffed out by one large, black cloud. It brought with it a howling wind to match the now torrential rain. With the sun now blocked off entirely and the evening creeping forward, a dark, dreary gloom settled into city.

* * *

Kanaya carefully balanced her armful of groceries, leaning back against the wall for support as she tried to free one of her hands long enough to open the door. She smirked a fanged grin at the pouring rain outside the window at the end of the hall, and mentally cheered for having beaten the storm. Granted, she probably wouldn't have even had to race the storm had she accepted Rose's offer for companionship, but it was a victory nonetheless. The rainbow drinker had decided to go alone, though, and it was a decision she didn't regret; it had given her some time away to just think. It had paid off too; after much mental deliberation, she'd finally come to a conclusion about her current predicament with the human girl.

Success was granted to Kanaya as she creaked the door open and all but stumbled into the apartment-stem with the newly acquired goods.

"Groceries!" she called, setting them down wherever she could find space.

Stocking food and other such necessities for eight hungry creatures from two different species meant that someone constantly had to run back out and get more supplies. They were starting to fall into a groove, though, and Kanaya had only been out three times this week.

A new record.

Dave and Terezi were the first out, and they dutifully began to unpack the groceries. Seeing as she had already gone out and bought everything, the Virgo decided she had earned a rest; the others could put everything away themselves.

Heading towards her respiteblock, the rainbow drinker stopped as she passed by Gamzee and Karkat's own. The door was open; a sight that was more than a little unusual. If it were just the Capricorn residing there, the door would probably be open more often and this wouldn't be all that peculiar; but Kanaya knew that Karkat was a bit of a homebody. He never really left, and whenever he was in he preferred to keep to himself. This, of course, meant that he'd shut his door and snap at anyone who dared to enter.

Her curiosity piqued, Kanaya decided she'd brave whatever consequences in favor of figuring out why the door was ajar.

The door wasn't a jar though.

It was just open.

I literally just said it was a door, not a jar.

This is stupid.

The rainbow drinker cautiously stepped into the respiteblock, anticipating the Cancer's usual, irate yelling and to have to hastily abscond. It never came, though, and she instead just stepped into an empty, silent space. She didn't recall Karkat or Gamzee mentioning going out, but she didn't give it that much thought as she turned to leave.

At least, until she saw a pair of cracked sunglasses sitting on the dresser.

* * *

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUCK.

Karkat ran down the sidewalk… Or what he thought was the sidewalk. It was too fucking hard to tell with all of this gogdamn rain!

He was cold, drenched, and he still hadn't found his insane fuckass of a moirail. The Cancer could barely see what was right in front of him, and seeing as he hadn't exactly planned out this recon mission, he was just running in some aimless direction anyway.

A dull, yellow light cut through the sheets of rain and wind, and with his current strategy failing miserably, Karkat made his way towards it. Light meant a building, and said building could provide shelter long enough for him to come up with a better plan of action. Or, if nothing else, it would get him out of this fucking rain.

The light became clearer as he got closer, illuminating what appeared from the outside to be a store for trolls. Two orangey horns stuck out on either side of its sign, though it was impossible to read what was printed there in this weather. Karkat didn't even try with that, because that would have been fucking stupid, and he hurried inside.

The relief from the rain was immediate, and he took a few seconds to relish in the dry, if somewhat cold, refuge. He looked around the store briefly to take note of its wares; it appeared to sell various types of troll foods from grub sauce to cotton candy. Karkat decided to remember this place for later; it would be nice to have something other than human food in the apartment-stem now and then.

It was in his looking around the store that Karkat's eyes passed over three other trolls who were either shopping or waiting out the storm like himself. The Cancer saw almost instantly that they were all staring at him with these strange expressions; that had been his first realization. The second was that the three were adult trolls much bigger than him, and the third had been what caused a knot in the pit of his nutrition sack.

They were highbloods.

Three indigo-eyed trolls with face paint similar to the kind Gamzee wore had their sights locked on him. This is what unsettled Karkat the most, and suddenly the storm outside didn't seem to be as bad an option as it had been prior. He wondered for a few seconds what the hell three highbloods were doing in this shitty city; surely they were subjugglators of some rank, which meant that the caste system worked in their favor. So why would they bother with human-troll fuckass town?

They were still staring at him, and Karkat was starting to feel exposed. Up until now, he had been quietly ignored by the other trolls in this city and that was how he liked it. He was safe behind the anonymity of his sunglasses, so why were they-

Fuck.

He wasn't wearing the sunglasses; in his haste to find Gamzee, he'd completely forgotten about them.

Karkat didn't wait to see what would happen next; he knew he had to abscond the fuck out of there and fast. He turned and ran back out into the storm, and he could already hear the highbloods chasing after him. He ran as fast as his legs would move, too frightened to realize he still couldn't see and had no idea where the hell he was going. It didn't matter right now; there was only one thing on his mind.

Escape.

The nubby horned troll's vascular pump was racing, and he could hardly hear the sounds of the rain over his own terrified thoughts. He also couldn't hear the sounds of his pursuers anymore, but he knew all too well they were still there. Behind him, to the side of him, hell, he could even be running right towards them.

His feet pounded on the pavement, and by the unfortunate luck of one misstep, he slipped on a puddle that had formed in a dip in the sidewalk. The Cancer fell hard, scraping his hands as he went down, but was too petrified to stop and dwell on their stinging. He scrambled to his feet, his vascular pump beating even faster as he heard the maniacal sounds of laughter closing in on him.

He was surrounded.

No, it couldn't be over yet; he'd survived too fucking much to get killed this way. He retrieved the sickles from his fetch modus and tried desperately to see through the onslaught of rain. Seconds ticked by like hours, and he continued to wait for their attack. The laughter was growing louder, and Karkat didn't have to see to know they were close. He had to do something; he couldn't just stand there waiting to defend himself.

So, in an act of either sheer bravery or stupidity, the Cancer ran in one direction, flailing his sickles anywhere he could think of to try and clear a path. His arms swung in front of him, behind him, up, down, everywhere. Time and again he made contact with nothing save for a few falling raindrops, but he continued to swing and run; pushing himself to keep trying, to get away by any means necessary. After all, his life depended on it; if they caught him, he'd be culled and that would be it. No, he was Karkat fucking Vantas! He was going to fight gogdamn it!

As if on his side, the rain slowly began to ease up; the wind was still howled against him, but Karkat was finally starting to see where he was going. He continued to swing and slice the air, willing his tired arms and legs to keep moving; he was going to make it. The rain just had to lessen a little more and he'd see-

A brick wall.

The weight of exhaustion settled into the nubby horned troll's limbs, and he turned to face away from the dead end. Suddenly, the reason why the three hadn't attacked him was very clear; he'd successfully 'escaped' into an alleyway. And now they were coming towards him, weapons drawn and still full of energy.

He, on the other hand, was now worn out; his arms barely able to hold up the weight of his sickles after so much pointless thrashing about. They were getting closer, and with each step they took Karkat in turn moved back. His weapons drooped in his grasp, and soon his back was flush against the hard, blocky texture of the brick wall.

The tallest of the three stepped forth, an indigo and black sickle chain swinging in his grasp. Karkat didn't have time to react, and he felt the sickening, cold slice of metal into his left thigh long before he saw it. Shrieking with pain, the Cancer's hands fell to his leg, grasping around blade in a futile attempt to relieve the throbbing sensation caused by the foreign object's intrusion. The highbloods chuckled, reveling in his agony, and the chain was ripped back to tear a gash deep into Karkat's flesh. The helpless troll howled as a fresh wave of pain seared across his vision; his leg quivering from the shock at too raw nerves. Blood spilled out, its bright, candy red hue running sticky down his leg and pooling on the ground below. Karkat couldn't keep his balance, the pain shooting through him caused him to drop his weapons as he fell into a forced kneel.

The others closed in on him.

And he screamed.

* * *

Gamzee paid for his Faygo, haphazardly slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder before glancing up to Miracle. The kitten was happily settled atop his head once more, having spent the time inside of the store to tend to some much needed grooming.

"See Miracle?" Gamzee said as he left the store. "Not a single motherfucking problem. And we got some of my wicked elixir! It's all motherfucking chill. Now we just head on back to our bitchtits pad and get our zone on. Maybe play that mirthful game with the colors. Honk!"

The Capricorn gazed up at the evening sky as he walked along, and he noticed that the rain had lessened up while he was shopping.

How long was he in that motherfucking store anyway?

He had gotten a bit distracted by all the delicious munchies and colors in there, and after a while of colors and munchies a motherfucker just stops paying attention to shit like time. It was okay though; Gamzee wasn't the time guy. That was the other guy… Or chick. Shit, it was kind of hard to get his remembering on about details like that.

In truth, the indigo-blooded troll was feeling incredibly relaxed; more so than he had since they'd landed here. At the back of his think pan was this nagging reminder that his familiar, pleasant haze probably wouldn't last long; the sky miracle did wonders, but it wasn't a permanent fix. Those chill-killing moods could just wait a motherfucking while though, because right now he was too busy being the chillest motherfucker all up and getting his walk on back to the apartment-stem.

At least, until he heard those screams.

The tall troll went rigid as the cries from an unseen sufferer rang through his auricular sponge clots and deep into the core of his think pan. It sang the most beautiful motherfucking melody to ancient centuries of instinct rushing through his veins. The urge to kill, to be the one causing those mirthful screams rushed to the forefront of his think pan, and were redirected by just one, lithe slip of realization. The Capricorn didn't know how he knew, and even if he weren't in such a state, he wouldn't want to motherfucking know how he knew. There was no doubt in his mind, though, about who those cries of pain belonged to.

His best.

Motherfucking.

Friend.


	13. EAT THE FUCKING SLIME

EAT THE FUCKING SLIME

- - You sent - -

I Dont Mean To Pester You  
But I Noticed You Werent In The Apartment Stem And That You Left Your Sunglasses  
So I Suppose I Am Wondering If This Was Intentional On Your Part  
And Maybe Also Where You Are

- - Today 6:30pm - -

Kanaya waited a few seconds, and then decided that she might as well inquire about Gamzee while she was at it.

- - You sent - -

I Apologize If This Comes Across As Bothersome  
Or As Me Being Presumptuous  
But Gamzee Doesnt Appear To Be Here Either  
Is There Any Chance He Is Out With You  
Because Terezi And Dave Had Told Me That You Had Gone To Look For Him  
Its No Trouble If He Isnt  
I Just Figured I Would Ask

- - Today 6:31pm - -

The rainbow drinker shifted on the living room couch, trying to get comfortable despite the nagging feeling in her nutrition sack. Though she had thought the matter over from every angle she could, she had still turned up empty in answering the nature of the abandoned sunglasses. It just didn't add up; with Karkat being as guarded about his blood color as he had been up until this point, it would only be characteristic of him to keep those sunglasses on hand at all costs.

The fact that Gamzee was missing as well, strangely enough, gave her a bit of peace on the matter, though not much. As deranged and unpredictable as the clown was, he held fast in one regard time and time again; he was always there for Karkat.

Kanaya tried to reason with herself that, even without the sunglasses, Karkat would be fine under the protection of the highblood. Gamzee would never let someone harm his moirail; the nubby horned troll was all but untouchable.

She was probably worrying for nothing.

* * *

Blood.

There was so much blood.

Karkat was fighting to stay awake despite how tired, woozy and broken he felt. The pain wasn't as vivid anymore, and he only had the faintest realization whenever his attackers struck him. They were painting the alleyway walls; such horrific pictures that the Cancer couldn't bring himself to watch.

One of the highbloods had a giant, almost cartoony looking mallet. Said mallet now made contact with Karkat's shoulder, and the small troll let out a hoarse, croak sounding yelp as the dull ache of pain pulsed through him once more. Blood dribbled out of his mouth, and the light sensation of it running down his face seemed magnified in comparison to the aches of his body.

This particular method of torture had quickly become their most used; the one with the mallet would bruise him, and the one with the chain sickle would slice it open to collect the blood as it gathered. Then would come the unnatural, painful feel of their fingers dipping into this created well, and they'd go back to painting until they needed more.

It was torture.

He had to endure it, though; this couldn't be the end. They hadn't killed him yet, and Karkat was desperately clinging to that fact. Death would be kinder, he'd decided, but they seemed to want him alive for some reason. Hell, maybe they just wanted to keep him until the alley walls were fully covered, but it was still a fucking chance.

The third highblood was keeping watch, her pop-gun type weapons drawn but hanging lazily at her sides. She was the smallest of the three and thusly had been forced to keep guard while the other two enjoyed themselves. Now and then, she'd look back to the scene; to her two comrades painting and to the dying mutant. Her eyes held a sickening, terrible longing in them as she forced herself to stay back. Highbloods were merciless; they'd cull her just as easily for disobeying their orders. The more the alleyway walls were covered in that bright, candy blood, though, the less she kept guard. Soon, she was unabashedly staring at the scene; her indigo eyes greedily drinking in the gruesome carnage.

Karkat's own, red eyes were growing tired; listless from his slowly failing battle to keep awake.

To keep alive.

It was useless; he wasn't going to miraculously survive. No one was going to come charging in to save him. He was going to die there; his body mutilated by three clown worshiping freaks. The troll was so tired, and he finally allowed his eyes to slip closed in quiet acceptance; it was time to stop fighting.

"Hey! Hey he's falling asleep," the female highblood said.

"Strange, I'd think you'd have a hard time seeing that while keeping guard!" the largest one snapped back.

"It's not my fault! You leave me out of all the fun and expect me to not even look?"

"Shut up," the remaining highblood said, sparing a quick glance to their victim. "She's right. He's fading."

"Just… Just a little longer," the larger one insisted.

"No. He'll die and then we'll never be free of our exile. We've had our fun, that's enough for now."

There was a silence then, and Karkat felt even more tired as the weight that they weren't going to let him die sunk in.

"… Fine," the larger one said after a while. "Since you're useless as a guard, get over here and carry him."

More silence, save for the sound of approaching footsteps, and Karkat could vaguely feel himself being moved. The female were starting to lift him; his body shifting as she positioned him. The movement stopped, though, and Karkat was dropped back into his previous spot on the ground.

What finally caused his eyes to open, though, was the sound of a 'honk'.

"This isn't any of your business," growled the female. "So just turn around and-"

"Wait," the mallet wielding troll said, holding up a hand to silence her. "He's one of us."

Karkat couldn't see the mouth of the alleyway, his vision blocked by the three standing in front of him, but the largest of them stepped forth to greet the stranger.

"Probably forced into this hellhole like the rest of us," the troll snickered. "How's about you-"

The highblood was cut off by the horrible mix of a crack and squish as something blunt made contact with the side of his face. This was followed by the 'thump' of his body dropping unceremoniously to the ground. Indigo blood sprayed out onto the nearest wall, and the remaining two instantly drew their weapons.

"How's about you shut the motherfuck up and get put in your motherfucking place?" Gamzee laughed a twisted, warped laugh that seemed to echo off the walls. "By the highest subjugglator ever hatched to worship the mirthful messiahs?"

The remaining two charged at him, finally clearing up Karkat's line of sight. Relief and dread whirled in Karkat's think pan as his eyes fell upon Gamzee holding two juggling clubs in one hand. It was hard to be happy, though, with those terrifying red and indigo eyes gleaming in the darkness.

Reaching the unmoving Capricorn first, the male drew his mallet and swung it down hard only to have it caught by the handle. With little effort, Gamzee ripped it from his grasp only to swiftly plunge it forward and through his assailer's eye, clear to the other side of his head. His attacker howled with pain, but fell to the ground next to his comrade. Gamzee was on him before he could recover from his freshly gouged out eye. Shifting to have one club in each hand, the Capricorn brought them both down onto the other's rib cage making a loud 'crack' that formed an unnatural dip in the highblood's body. His assailer moved no more, and Gamzee turned his wild, wicked smile towards the female.

"Honk," he chuckled maniacally, stalking over to her. "You're next motherfucker."

The female backed away from him, weapons raised but visibly less confident in her decision to attack him. She didn't appear to be staring at him, though, but rather at the shirt he was wearing.

"That… That sign," she said, her face morphed in horror under her greasepaint. "You're his-"

Another crack and squish, this time across the torso, and the female fell to the ground.

Karkat watched all of this in horror; fear and disbelief battling for dominance in the pit of his nutrition sack. The clown stood up to his full height, turning to walk directly towards him. If the Cancer were any less beaten and worn out, he would have screamed and tried to escape. Gamzee was once more the monstrous creature that he'd been back on the meteor; the same creature the horror terrors that plagued him every night.

Karkat's weary eyes watched the Capricorn, waiting for him to deliver the finishing blow. The nubby horned troll was surprised, then, when Gamzee merely stopped in front of him. The two stayed like that for a while; the clown just standing with a bleeding, battered troll staring up at him.

"… G-Gamzee?" Karkat croaked out finally.

The taller troll said nothing, but knelt down to his moirail and carefully scooped him up into his arms.

Karkat flinched as the other moved toward him and bit back a hiss as his sore body was lifted. He looked at Gamzee's face, trying to discern his expression under his smeared makeup as he walked along. Something moved on top of his head, and Karkat's eyes went wide as two eyes popped out of the mass of his moirail's hair. The Cancer was too tired to facepalm as he realized what it was.

Gamzee had brought the fucking cat.

"Jegus fuck…" Karkat said, allowing himself to just relax in Gamzee's grasp. "You would have that gogdamn meowbeast with you."

* * *

Kanaya pulled on her coat and stuffed her cell phone into its pocket; it was now almost ten and she still hadn't heard back from Gamzee or Karkat.

"I'm going out to look for them," she announced to the others.

Rose and Jade were slowly cleaning up from the dinner they'd all eaten earlier, and Terezi and Dave were watching something in the living room. John was supposed to be assisting the others in the kitchen, but he was too busy spinning on his barstool for that.

"One of us should go with you," Rose said, setting down the dish she was scrubbing. "It seems likely to me that they're probably in some sort of trouble. It would be dangerous to try and find them on your own."

"Oh, but I'm not alone," Kanaya said with a soft grin, applying a fresh layer of lipstick. "I've got all the defense I need right here."

She waved the lipstick containing her chainsaw towards Rose and received a light giggle in response.

The levity of the group was shattered, suddenly, as the door was kicked open. It broke from its frame in one movement, and Kanaya quickly retrieved her weapon, pointing it at the intruder.

"Wait! Wait! Put the fucking chainsaw away!" Karkat growled, his voice raspy. "Gogdamn it Gamzee, we have a key for fuck's sake!"

The rainbow drinker looked from the bloody troll to the clown carrying him, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. Gamzee's eyes were red again; that vicious red they had been back when he'd killed their friends.

"… Put Karkat down," Kanaya ordered, glaring back at the Capricorn's unreadable expression. "Put him down and step back."

"I'm not doing either of those motherfucking things," Gamzee barely whispered, a harsh undertone to his words. "Want to make me, peasantblooded motherfucker?"

"Kanaya, please," Karkat said, his eyes pleading with her to just listen. "I know what you're thinking. I'll explain everything later, but he didn't do this. I swear. And we really don't need to fucking provoke him right now so could you pretty fucking human earth please put the weapon down?"

The Virgo hesitated, but slowly lowered the chainsaw to her side.

"I'm keeping it out," she said, jade eyes locked on the clown. "Just in case."

"Fine, whatever. Now could I get some fucking help here? I'd rather not die you fuckasses."

* * *

Rose carefully finished off the last stitch; snipping off the excess and setting her tools aside.

"There we go," she said, studying over her handiwork. "Not quite good as new, but those should all heal up nicely.

She stood up and stretched, probably stiff from sitting still for so long, and spared the quickest of glances to the taller troll sitting on the ground. For the sake of the Cancer's dignity, they had relocated to the bathroom to mend his wounds. The Seer checked her cell phone and noted that the others were probably asleep by now.

Karkat turned to study himself in the mirror, silently impressed that Rose had managed to dress all of his wounds as well as she had. The room was quiet and a bit cramped with him sitting on the counter, Rose resting on the edge of the ablution trap, Gamzee on the rug and Kanaya waiting just outside.

The nubby horned troll had also been given some human pain-killers which were helping to ease the majority of his pain to a dull throb; a fact for which he was inwardly relieved. He was physically very tired, but after such a terrifying night he doubted he'd find any respite in his sleep.

After all, he now had a brand new subject for his horror terrors.

"Three highbloods?" Kanaya said, standing in the doorway with her chainsaw drooping at her side. "That's quite a bit of misfortune. I had thought it a bit worrisome when I saw you'd left your sunglasses."

"Well, lesson fucking learned. I won't leave them again okay? You don't need to bust my bulge over it," Karkat grumbled, shifting to get down from the counter.

As he went to move, though, Gamzee picked him up once more and cradled him in his arms.

"Gamzee! Put me fucking down!" Karkat scowled, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

It was bad enough that the fuckass clown had stayed in the ablution trap with them this whole time, but now he was going to carry around the Cancer like a newly hatched grub? What's worse, Gamzee still hadn't snapped out of his little psycho rage. Karkat had tried shoosh papping his moirail in between his dressings, but it had been to no avail.

Those eyes were still bright red.

Karkat rolled his eyes and finally gave up on trying to free himself. A snicker from the human making her way towards the door, though, refueled his fire all over again.

"And what the fuck are you laughing at Lalonde?" he growled. "I'm sorry, is my being mauled and then forcibly carried around by a psychotic fuckass clown amusing to you?"

"I'm getting off to bed," Rose said to Kanaya, ignoring Karkat's rage. "Night."

"Good night," the rainbow drinker responded but stayed put in the doorway.

"Aren't you going to sleep too?" Karkat asked after a few awkward minutes of just standing there and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy to this conversation in his Gamzee-arm hammock.

Kanaya didn't answer, but she looked up towards the red and indigo eyed troll looming over them. The Cancer followed her gaze, his frown deepening as he tried to see any hint of a change in Gamzee's expression from earlier.

He was unsuccessful.

"… Gamzee?" Karkat tried, hesitating as he opened conversation with his moirail.

The Capricorn didn't answer, but his head tilted down to look the smaller troll face to face. His usual, lazy smile had vanished, making his face look unnatural and all that much more frightening. It took everything in Karkat's bravery not to flinch, and he eventually settled for just glancing off to the side to avoid those terrifying eyes.

Okay, fuck no. He was not going to try and reason with him.

"Fuck… Nevermind."

Deciding to abandon his previous plan of 'talking it out', the Cancer mulled over the situation in his think pan. Gamzee had to snap out of this, and it was clear that a little moirailing wasn't going to do the trick this time; he was already too far gone. As much as Karkat detested it, he knew there was only one real fix to get the taller troll back to normal.

He needed to get back on the sopor slime.

The highblood had been adamant about refusing it, though, even going so far as to sleeping anywhere else but his big, cushy recuperacoon. Karkat didn't doubt that, in this state, even suggesting it would have dire consequences; it simply wasn't worth the gamble on a furious clown's sanity. He was going to have to be sneaky about this; maybe he could somehow trick Gamzee into ingesting it. With the taller troll guarding him like some overprotective lusus, though, he wasn't going to be able to do it alone.

An idea was slowly forming in his mind, and he carefully pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. A quick, wary glance was shot to his moirail, who didn't seem to be paying much attention, and he wiped the excess water off his phone's case before pecking out a quick text.

- - You sent - -

KANAYA, I HAVE AN IDEA.  
BUT I NEED YOUR HELP.  
DID YOU GET THIS FUCKASS CLOWN'S DISGUSTING SWILL DRINK?

- - Today 12:27am - -

Kanaya's phone buzzed, and Karkat nervously checked Gamzee's inert expression for any signs of suspicion. Seeing none, he let out a slow breath before gnawing on his bottom lip; a habit he was falling back on much too frequently to ignore. He switched his phone to 'silent' and waited anxiously for the Virgo to finish her text back.

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Am Assuming You Mean His Faygo  
Yes  
I Picked Some More Up While I Was Out  
Though I Fail To See Why This Matters Right Now

- - Today 12:29am - -

- - You sent - -

IN TERMS OF CALMING DOWN THIS IDIOT, IT MATTERS A WHOLE FUCKING LOT.  
FUCK, I THINK HE LIKES THE PURPLE ONE BEST?  
WHATEVER, IT DOESN'T MATTER I GUESS.  
I HAVE A PLAN.

- - Today 12:30am - -

Karkat checked Gamzee once more, but he seemed perfectly content remaining a psycho troll-holding statue.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Enlighten Me  
But First Let Me Ask  
Would This Plan By Any Chance Involve A Chainsaw  
I Feel Like We Are Overlooking A Very Simple Solution To This

- - Today 12:32am - -

- - You sent - -

NO FUCKING CHAINSAW GOGDAMN IT!  
JUST, LOOK.  
WE NEED TO GET HIM TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN.  
AS MUCH AS I HATE THAT FILTH WITH THE FULL FORCE OF MY RED HOT RAGE, I THINK THAT, FOR NOW, IT'D BE EASIER FOR ALL OF US IF WE GOT HIM TO EAT THE SOPOR SLIME AGAIN.  
BUT ALERT THE FUCKASS KNIGHT OF IRONY BECAUSE THIS CLOWN FUCK WON'T GO NEAR THE SHIT.  
SO WHAT IF WE HIDE IT IN HIS FAYGO?

- - Today 12:35am - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

I See  
This Plan Might Actually Work  
Though I Do See One Flaw  
Gamzee Has Been Eating Sopor Slime For A Long Time  
Wont He Detect The Taste Of It In His Beverage

- - Today 12:36am - -

Fuck; Karkat hadn't thought of that.

- - You sent - -

FUCK, THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD POINT.  
WELL, IT'S JUST A CHANCE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE.  
HE SEEMS TO BE SOMEHOW CONTROLLING HIMSELF RIGHT NOW.  
WHICH HAS ME COMPLETELY FUCKING BAFFLED, BY THE WAY,  
BUT ANYWAY, WE DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT'LL LAST.  
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

- - Today 12:39am - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Agree  
I Will Put Slime In His Beverages Then And Bring Them To Him  
Do You Think It Will Work  
I Mean  
A Long Time Has Passed Since He Has Last Eaten The Sopor  
What If It Does Not Affect Him The Same As It Had Before

- - Today 12:40am - -

- - You sent - -

JEGUS FUCK, QUIT WITH THE QUESTIONS!  
YOU'RE WORSE THAN ROSE, I FUCKING SWEAR.  
THIS ISN'T EXACTLY THE TIME TO BE GOING BACK AND FORTH ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THIS WILL WORK.  
I'LL GET HIM TO TAKE ME BACK TO OUR RESPITEBLOCK, JUST FUCKING BRING THEM IN WHEN YOU'RE READY.

- - Today 12:42am - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

Alright  
But Be Wary Of Him  
If You Seem To Be In Distress I Will Not Hesitate To Take Him Down

- - Today 12:43am - -

Kanaya didn't wait for a response to her last text message, and Karkat watched as she turned and walked off.

"Hey, fuckass," Karkat snapped to the troll holding him, trying to force his usual bravado. "I want to watch TV. If you're going to carry me around can you at least take me to our fucking block?"

Once more, Gamzee said nothing, but he slowly started to exit the ablution trap. His movements were stiff and each step seemed as if it took a tremendous amount of concentration. It was unsettling, to say the least, but Karkat did his best to ignore it and patiently wait to be back in their respiteblock.

Though he put on a tough front like he didn't really care, the Cancer's think pan was shot with worry over his moirail. Would Gamzee remember what happened? Would he ever go back to being the carefree, miracle spewing asshole he was before? What if the slime didn't work and he was stuck like this because of Karkat's stupidity? Or, worse so, what if the Capricorn picked up on the slime in his Faygo and lost what remaining bit of control he had left? How the fuck was he controlling himself now?

The nubby horned troll had been so distracted by his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed they were in their block until he was being delicately placed on the couch; as if he was made of the most fragile matter in all of paradox space. Karkat hadn't expected Gamzee to be so gentle with him, and he quietly watched as the troll sat down next to him. He waited a second, but then carefully reached over to pap his moirail's arm. It hadn't worked before in the ablution trap, but now they were alone and maybe that would make a difference. Make Gamzee less stressed or something as fucking simple as that. He could calm the Capricorn down enough so that they wouldn't have to make him poison himself again.

The taller troll didn't appear affected at all by this gesture, and Karkat let out a soft sigh. He was just going to have to try harder, then.

"Shh," the shorter troll shooshed, rubbing his moirail's arm. "Shhh."

He jumped slightly when a clawed hand tightened around his own, holding it in place. The Capricorn didn't move or react past that, but he kept Karkat's hand on his arm beneath his own, firm grasp.

In the darkness of the block, Karkat's light red blush was drowned out and he inwardly cursed himself for now having one hand stuck. Gamzee didn't seem to be any calmer for his pathetic moirailing attempt, and until the fuckass decided to let go of him that hand was as good as gone.

Karkat's eyes dilated, allowing him to better see, and it didn't take long for him to find the remote resting patiently on the couch's arm next to him. He used his free hand to pick up the device, and after a few failed attempts he found the button to turn on the television. The glow from the screen was now the solitary source of light in the block, and Karkat decided to take advantage of it to better assess his trapped appendage.

Gamzee was staring straight ahead, as if he were watching whatever idiotic human show was on, but there was a deadpan listlessness captured in those indigo and red eyes that told otherwise. His think pan was obviously elsewhere, though his stiffness told Karkat that he was dead set on keeping his hand right where it was.

Fucking perfect.

His embarrassment increased tenfold, then, when Kanaya quietly walked into the room carrying several bottles of Faygo and a lonely glass of water. She raised an eyebrow at the scene, but she wasn't about to interrogate with the warning death glare that Karkat was sending her way.

"You two have both had a long day," she said, trying to play off the impromptu beverages. "Karkat, I brought you some water and Gamzee, when I was out earlier I picked up more of your Faygo."

The rainbow drinker handed the glass to Karkat's outstretched hand, and she set down many of the bottles of Faygo before offering a grape one to the Capricorn.

Gamzee accepted the bottle, and didn't seem to take notice of the fact that it had already been opened as he twisted off the cap. Had he glanced to the left he would have seen a short troll with red eyes watching him with baited breath.

Kanaya's hand was hidden behind her back, but her chainsaw was still ready and waiting. If this backfired and Gamzee lost it, she would be ready. Her own, jade eyes were trained on the highblood's throat, watching it for the slightest movement.

Gamzee brought the beverage up to his lips.

And he swallowed.


	14. The Duties Of A Jade Blood

**A/N: Posting this because I'm not sure if all who it's directed at are following the tumblr. So, apparently some of you have drawn fanart for LOHAT. Just wanted to take a second to give a quick shout out of thanks to you all. :3 It's all so lovely and I'm incredibly touched that you've graced me and my fanfiction with your talents. I'll post a more lengthy 'thanks' on the tumblr, but wanted to make sure no one felt unacknowledged by missing the message, so yus. Thank you all very much! x)**

The Duties Of A Jade Blood

Karkat carefully climbed down off the sofa, watching for any signs of movement from his sleeping moirail.

He still couldn't believe that had worked.

Seven empty bottles of Faygo and three hours later, the taller troll had finally conked out. Karkat had been watching the Capricorn's eyes almost every second, and from his last glance the red part of the highblood's eyes had faded instead to a really intense orange.

The nubby horned troll wasn't quite sure when exactly Gamzee had fallen asleep, as he had stayed in the same, sitting position despite his closed eyes and calmed breathing rate. Miracle had eventually popped out from whatever corner of their block she had been hiding in, and had curled up in Gamzee's lap for a good night's rest as well.

Karkat breathed out a soft sigh, and decided that even though his thoughts would likely be plagued with horror terrors, he should at least make the attempt to get some sleep. The human pain killers were slowly lessening, and his body's dull ache was beginning to sharpen. He sure as fuck wasn't about to be up all night in agony; again, the horror terrors weren't _that_ bad.

He took a final, quick peek at Gamzee who was still sleeping peacefully, albeit awkwardly, on the couch. The Cancer's previous shirt was probably in the trash somewhere, and he was too fucking tired to change into his pajamas anyway. He would have to wash his pants in the morning anyway, so might as well just climb into the recuperacoon and deal with it.

And that's exactly what he did.

* * *

Gamzee's eyes opened the tiniest sliver; disturbed by a stream of light washing over them from the window.

He blearily blinked a few times at the now turned off television, wondering when the motherfuck that shit had been done. His think pan was feeling a bit slower than usual, though, and he finally just chalked it up to being a miracle. The tall troll stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders, his bones popping and relieving some of the tension in his stiff body. He looked down to a soft bundle of warmth on his lap with a bit of a confused expression.

It was Miracle!

"Morning my wicked meowbeast motherfucker," Gamzee said, his voice a bit scratchy from just waking up. "Did you all up and get some mirthful z's?"

The kitten didn't answer, probably because she couldn't talk, and Gamzee just smiled lazily down at her. He didn't know what it was, but something just felt motherfucking different this morning.

In a good way, though.

It was something in his think pan; it just felt so much less… Chaotic. No more voices, no more urges; it was all up and confusing, but Gamzee didn't even motherfucking care. He didn't really want to know why he was like this either. Knowing shit just stole all the magic from his miracles like a motherfucking thief.

And that ain't cool.

The tall troll casually plucked Miracle off of his lap and placed her back into the nest of his hair. He then rifled through the various bottles of Faygo on the ground, feeling the slightest bit of dismay tug at his relaxed grin as he realized they were all empty.

"Shit," Gamzee drawled out, heading towards the door of his block. "Got to all up and get more of my wicked elixir from the motherfucking fridge. You know what else I got my motherfucking snack hole wanting?"

The Capricorn waited a second, and receiving no response went on.

"Some motherfucking pie. I haven't had a bitchtits tin of miracles in like, all up and forever man. Wait, that doesn't sound motherfucking right. Maybe not forever but like, time and shit," Gamzee scratched at the underside of his chin, stopping at the door to try and process this. "I guess I don't really got my memory all up and thinking about that. Fuck, I could probably ask that Dave motherfucker. Dude's got all kinds of harshwhimsy with time and shit."

The tall troll reached out to open the door to his block, and stopped to stare at a peculiar lump of grayish white on his orangey-yellow fingernail. Confused, he poked at the weird little glob and instantly recognized the texture.

"Oh yeah! I almost motherfucking forgot. Honk!"

The clown turned and headed into his and Karkat's restroom, leaving the door wide open behind him. He dug through the drawers, shoving things aside and eventually locating his greasepaint. Giving a victorious 'honk', he set to work removing his old, smeared and rubbed off makeup in lieu of his usual setup.

The whole process didn't take him too long, and he was soon exiting the bathroom once more. Once more deciding to leave the block, he stopped in front of Karkat's recuperacoon and began to stare.

His best motherfucking friend was still sleeping?

Gamzee could have sworn that Karkat was always up before him, and it struck him as odd that, for once, he was up first. His moirail must have been kind of motherfucking tired or something; maybe he'd had a long day previously? But all they did yesterday was -

Oh.

The Capricorn's smile didn't falter, but he turned away from the recuperacoon and exited the block, making his way over to the kitchenette.

Maybe it was because his think pan was a bit strange feeling this morning, or maybe he just hadn't been awake enough yet, but the tall troll had completely forgotten yesterday's events. He remembered now… Sort of. Thinking back on it, everything that happened seemed like some kind of foggy dream. Or was it a horror terror?

There was screaming.

So much motherfucking blood.

Then there was killing.

More motherfucking blood.

Pulling out a cherry Faygo from the fridge, Gamzee finally decided that yesterday's memory was both a dream and a horror terror. A motherfucking dream terror. Why it was unsettling was easy enough to determine, but as for why it enjoyable?

Man, he didn't have his know on about that shit.

Probably miracles.

The Capricorn shut the fridge, and turned around to begin his hunt for a pie tin. He jumped some, a bit startled, by the human girl who was now there.

"Whoa," he said, his lackadaisical smile stretching farther. "Morning motherfucking woofbeast-human sister. You all up and scared me. Honk!"

"Good morning Gamzee! Sorry, I didn't mean to," Jade said happily, doing her best to control herself and ignore the kitten in his hair. "Usually I'm the only one awake at this time! I was just about to make some breakfast for everyone. Since you're up first, what would you like me to make?"

The clown gave an excitable 'honk' and rested his chin on his thumb in deep concentration. It was a bit hard to think through the haze; all that immediately came to his think pan right now was sopor slime pies and Faygo for everyone. However, he knew he had to come up with something else; he didn't know about the others, but his best motherfucking friend didn't all up and dig his frosty brews and slime pies.

"Motherfucking waffles," he heard himself say.

"Waffles it is then!"

"Ooh, with that fluffy white shit, what's it called, creamed whip? And motherfucking syrup. And chocolate syrup too. Do we have any of those bitchtits color sugar dots? Those motherfuckers are prime for this miracle waffle fest. And we could-"

"Um, how about this Gamzee," Jade said, suppressing her giggles. "You set out everything you'd like on your waffles, and I'll get to baking them?"

The Capricorn thought this over for a few minutes; and by 'thinking it over' he meant 'zoning the motherfuck out'. He eventually nodded, though, and set to work fetching whatever popped into his think pan out on the table.

It was going to be the most mirthful breakfast of all time.

* * *

Tired, red eyes groggily blinked awake in the thick, warm embrace of sopor slime as the worst of Karkat's wounds, what had been a gash in his thigh, finally woke him up. Though it was the first to make its presence known, it was by no means the only sore part of his body.

The Cancer groaned in his recuperacoon, and after several minutes of just lying there in stiff, irritable pain, he finally worked his way out of it. He had no idea what fucking time it was, and he really couldn't give two gogdamn human hoofbeast shits less either.

The sopor slime had its own healing properties and the majority of his superficial scratches, including the scrapes on his palms, were either healed up or beginning to scab over.

Karkat didn't really care about this.

It wasn't exactly 'superficial scratches' that were fucking hurting him right now.

The nubby horned troll went into the ablution trap, shutting the door behind him and deciding to take a quick ablution. When he'd wriggled his way out of the recuperacoon, he had caused a few tears here and there in his bandaging, and already his candy red blood was trying to seep out to join the remaining slime and caked on filth from the previous day.

He turned on the faucet and waited until the water was nice and warm before easing himself in. His movement was severely hindered from his wounds; the most noticeable, of course, was his gait which now consisted of a fairly prominent limp. It would probably heal up, but for now it was annoying as fuck. Much to his surprise, he'd actually had a dreamless, albeit unsatisfying sleep the previous night. He'd take it, though; it was better than highblood-filled horror terrors. Karkat concluded that he must just be the luckiest unlucky fuck to ever grace the planet; also, he was just never going to fucking leave this shithole ever again.

At least, not until one of these fuckasses did something stupid again.

Speaking of fuckasses…

The Cancer froze, suddenly realizing that he hadn't seen Gamzee in their block when he'd gotten into the ablution trap. Fuck, he hadn't even thought to check! Rushing to finish rinsing off, he quickly got ended his ablution and grabbed the closest towel.

Karkat hurried out of the ablution trap as quickly as he could with that leg dragging him behind. Still dripping wet, he scanned the room once more to make sure that Gamzee wasn't in fact present. He then grabbed the doorknob of his respiteblock and would have opened it right that second had he not heard Jade giggling from the other side.

"Gamzee! Is there anything you're not setting out on the table?" her muffled voice said from the other side.

"Honk!"

The nubby horned troll let out a sigh of relief, his head leaning forward to rest against the door.

Thank fucking gog.

The sopor slimed Faygo must have worked.

His eyes opened a slit to peak at the unlocked door, and he reached down to secure his privacy. Karkat was not about to get dressed just to have someone walk in and see him naked and trying to get into some clothes without hurting himself.

Not that it mattered, though, because apparently he'd just taken leave of his senses and was about to fucking storm out there stark nude to look for his psycho clown moirail.

The short troll growled irritably and removed his towel to properly dry off. He fished out a pair of grey boxers, black pants, and a grey shirt and began the arduous task of getting dressed. The shirt gave him the least difficulty as it was a button up; he undid it and wiggled one arm through a sleeve, then the other. Next came the boxers, which were a bit more troublesome but not too much so. Though they required him bending this way and that to try and shimmy them up without reopening his wounds, they did have elastic in them which afforded them some give.

The pants were a different story.

Being made of a stiff, almost jean-like material, Karkat had the most ridiculous time trying to get those fuckers on. He'd carefully slide into one leg hole, but then wouldn't be able to maneuver his other leg high up enough to get into the other hole. His stomach had a fairly large tear running down the middle, so he couldn't bend enough to just pull the pants up if he slid both legs in at once. Standing to try and get in them was out of the question, and he was already feeling exhausted from moving so much with freshly healing wounds.

Fifteen minutes later, a strong scent of waffles and other such baked breakfast goods wafted through the crack under the door. Karkat lied next to his pants, glaring up at the ceiling as he tried to recapture his quickly waning energy. He let out a frustrated huff, mentally going over different tactics for trying to get his pants on.

This was so fucking stupid.

A soft knock at the door broke Karkat's pants-related thoughts, and his bright red eyes glared at the unknown knocker from the other side.

"Who the fuck is it? What do you want?" he snapped.

"Just your best motherfucking friend! Honk!"

Jegus fuck; he was in no mood for this bullshit right now.

"You only answered one of the questions fuckass!" Karkat growled. "What the fuck do you want? I'm kind of busy right now, so could you just go crawl up someone else's nook for once?"

A long silence followed, and the nubby horned troll turned his attention back to the ceiling and to how he was going to get those pants on. Maybe if he backwards scooted into them, leaning against the floor to-

"Oh right! Shit, I all up and motherfucking forgot I was talking to you for a second!"

Fucking, kill him now.

"Gamzee! Leave me the fuck alone! Go away!"

"Didn't you want to get your motherfucking eat on best friend?" the Capricorn said, completely ignoring his rage. "We've got waffles and some other bitchtits yummy shit too. Fuck, I could make you a pie too if you all up and wanted one. I'll even share some of my frosty brews with you. Wait, you like that shit right? Oh wait, no that was that sea guy… What was his name? Man, I don't got my remembering on about that shit- Wait! I remember! It was Vriska right?"

A loud, angry noise echoed through the walls of their respiteblock, and the nubby horned troll banged his head against the floor. Karkat was upset for more than one reason; for starters, he'd forgotten how annoying as fuck the taller troll was when he was hopped up on sopor slime. This also came with the grim reminder that they'd had to resort back to drugging his moirail; a fact that never settled quite right with the Cancer.

"Shut. Up," the short troll snapped, carefully moving into a sit. "Just fucking start without me. I'm not hungry."

He was actually incredibly hungry, but he was not fucking going out there without pants on.

"But aren't you all up and hurt still? Food's motherfucking miracles at fixing-"

"Gamzee! Fuck off!" Karkat yelled angrily, cutting him off. "I said I'm not fucking hungry now leave me the fuck alone!"

Another long silence followed, and the nubby horned troll waited patiently until he heard the sounds of footsteps walking away. Thinking back on that, he probably could have been a tad bit nicer; after all, the taller troll was just trying to help.

Karkat sighed, now feeling like an even bigger asshole than usual. He didn't deserve to eat with the others; they were all so useful and nice, and here he was being a crabby, useless fuck who yelled at the only one to give a fucking shit about him.

He wearily glanced back over to his pants, now feeling all motivation to get them on draining away. He was Karkat Vantas, the most worthless piece of shit on the planet, and he was just going to rot away in his respiteblock forever with no pants on.

And then the door swung open.

"Sorry about that best motherfucking friend!" Gamzee said happily, placing a key into his pocket. "The door was all kinds of like, denying my entering. I don't even know what the motherfuck is up with that shit. It was a miracle though; you see Rose had this-"

"SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR!"

Gamzee looked from the bright red faced troll on the ground to the wide open door. It took him a bit of back and forth, but he eventually realized that Karkat didn't have pants on.

"Is that what you're getting all motherfucking salty about best friend?" the taller troll asked, but did as he was told and closed the door. "Having trouble with your motherfucking pants?"

"The door was locked fuckass, meaning I don't want you or any of those other dumbfucks in here! I don't have problems with my pants so fucking go away you taint chafing fuck!"

"Come on best friend," the Capricorn said knowingly, picking the pants off the ground. "You don't have to motherfucking lie to me. I'll help a brother out; together we can all up and get these motherfucking pants to get their squeeze on with your legs."

"You stay the fuck away from me," Karkat warned, eyeing the pants nervously. "Gamzee, seriously. I don't need help, I'm fine. Give me my pants back."

Gamzee ignored him, sitting at the ends of Karkat's legs as the nubby horned troll tried to pull them back.

The Cancer was momentarily distracted from this horrifying turn of events by the familiar shape of Miracle in the Capricorn's hair. She was awake and watching him curiously, making him feel all the more self conscious under the watch of those big kitten eyes.

"Knock it off fuckass! Let go!" Karkat snapped as the taller troll grabbed onto his foot.

"Just keep motherfucking still best friend," Gamzee said, sliding the pants up over his ankles. "See? It's working!"

"No steaming pile of musclebeast shit! They're pants! It doesn't take a fucking genius to put them on."

Karkat was now certain that the bright red blush in his cheeks would permanently be there, and he looked away as the other finished pulling up the clothing article. As soon as the pants were around his waist, he hastily fastened them and awkwardly stood up.

"All motherfucking better," the taller troll said, smiling lazily at him.

"Thanks for fucking nothing asswipe," Karkat grumbled, storming over to the door. "I could have done it myself, didn't need your fucking help…"

"Shit, you're motherfucking welcome Karbro!"

Fuckass.

The two joined the others sitting at the table in the dining room and were greeted with the usual round of 'good morning's and in Karkat's case, several 'how are you feeling's.

Breakfast progressed with little deviation from the usual, and soon the group was relaxing in the comfortable digestive silence that usually follows a big meal. All except for Kanaya, of course, who had taken it upon herself to clean up the various dishes and put away all of the shit Gamzee had apparently set out for some reason.

"All I'm saying," Dave went on, not letting Karkat's injuries deter him from trying to piss the nubby horned troll off. "Is if trolls are so much greater than humans, then why how the fuck are humans still here?"

"Clearly it's because Her Imperious Condescension is having a weird fucking time grasping just how stupid and worthless your entire fucking species is," Karkat snapped back, leaning back in his chair. "We're going to kill all of you fuckasses one day; we're just biding our time! You don't even know how much shit the human race is in for Strider. It's like, the trolls are serving up getting your shit handed to you cake, and the human race just came back for seconds. Well congratulations Dave, it's been decided; you can have all the fucking cake."

"Nah man, I'm good. Cake's more John's thing."

The short troll let out an angry huff and the rest of the table chuckled at their usual back-and-forth banter.

Kanaya watched from the kitchen, placing the final dish in the dishwasher before closing it up and starting it. The rainbow drinker frowned some, but took a deep breath; Gamzee was stable, Karkat was healing, and everyone else was getting on just fine. Things were calm in the apartment-stem once more.

Now was a good a time as any.

The jade blooded troll rejoined them in the dining room, standing next to her chair and trying to summon up her courage. Rose was the first to take note of her, as usual, and the human gave her a questioning look.

"You just wait and fucking see Strider! We trolls are-"

"Pardon me, Karkat, I don't mean to interrupt but… There's something I'd like to say."

Red and yellow eyes shot to Kanaya; fight still in them as Karkat looked ready to start arguing with her as well. Seeing her stern, serious expression, though, the nubby horned troll closed his mouth and decided to let her have her peace.

"Thank you," she said, swallowing as she went on. "I've been dwelling on some things for a while… And after much contemplation, I've finally decided upon my course of action. It is this precise course of action that compels me to say something now. Do note that this is not something I have thought upon lightly, but I hope for your support and approval as I bring the matter to discussion."

Kanaya was about to go on, but stopped herself with one look into Rose's soft but concerned eyes; she could almost hear her voice gently chastising her for rambling.

She was going to miss that voice.

"… I've decided to rejoin into a purely troll society and take my place in the brooding caverns."


	15. SLOPPY M4K3OUTS

SLOPPY M4K3OUTS

Jade stood by the doorway, a soft but sad smile on her face as she tried to keep a stiff upper lip; after all, that's what her grandfather would have told her to do in this situation.

A heavy feeling hung in the air as Kanaya placed the last of her things into her sylladex, preparing to head out to pursue her destiny. Jade knew that it wasn't as if this was 'goodbye forever', but it still ached all the same. After all, seeing or speaking to someone once in a while was a vast difference from sharing an apartment-stem or flying space meteor with them. She'd grown quite fond of her troll friend, and she was very much going to miss her.

"Make sure you keep in contact!" the bucktoothed girl said, hugging the other. "We're all going to miss you, Kanaya."

"I will, thank you," the rainbow drinker replied, returning the smile with one of her own. "I'm going to miss you all very much, and I'll be sure to come back around now and then."

"Promise?" John piped in, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Yes, of course."

Jade watched as the Virgo in turn said her goodbyes to everyone. All of them were dealing with the departure in their own way. Dave didn't seem that much affected externally, but he was sincere in his farewell wishes all the same. The Witch of Space fought back a giggle as the taller troll lifted Kanaya into a sudden, tight hug.

"I hope the mirthful messiahs shed some motherfucking miracles your way bitchtits sis," the Capricorn said, setting her down next to Karkat.

"Well… Yes, thank you for that Gamzee," the Virgo said, looking a bit perplexed as to what exactly he'd just said.

Kanaya turned to Karkat, whose frown deepened at the sight of her soft smile.

"I still don't get what's so fucking great about being the eternal attendant to the mother grub's oozing vestigial third oral sphincter."

"Let's hope that that's not the specific position I'm placed into," the jade blooded troll smirked.

She shot a quick glance towards Gamzee, and then lowered her voice as she leaned in some.

"… You're sure you can handle him?"

"Jegus fuck, yes human earth mother. I can handle anything that these fuckasses throw at me," the nubby horned troll rolled his eyes and crossed his arms stubbornly. "Just go to your fucking calling or whatever."

"I'll miss you too, Karkat," she said, pleased with the light scowl she received.

"I still can't believe you're going to force me to be the only girl troll in this place," Terezi said with a playful pout. "With crabby Karkles and sassy Dave, where am I supposed to turn for sane, levelheaded conversations now?"

Dave smirked and Karkat flipped her off with a quick snap of 'fuck you', both of which the blind troll ignored in favor of saying goodbye to her blockmate.

"I'm sure that you'd find some way to manage," Kanaya said, giving Terezi's sharp toothed smile a knowing wink. "Besides, now you'll have room in the respiteblock for all of those colorful scalemates of yours."

"Ooh! You're right! Prince Cherry Fanny has been getting his snout in a twist for being stuffed in my sylladex for so long," she cackled, tapping the rainbow drinker's foot with her cane. "Still… I'll really miss you Kanaya."

The glowing troll gave a nod, her green eyes looking about to try and locate the final, missing member of the group. Her smile faded into a frown, and she turned to Jade with a questioning look.

"Oh, um…" Jade wrung her hands somewhat nervously. "She's… In our room."

Kanaya hesitated, as if she weren't quite sure whether or not to go to her. The Witch of Space gave her a slight nod, and the troll took that as her answer. The rainbow drinker silently ventured into Jade and Rose's room, closing the door behind her.

Upon entering, she stood there for a few moments watching the human girl type away on her laptop as if this were just any other day. The Virgo waited a while, and then finally cleared her throat thinking that perhaps Rose hadn't heard her come in.

"I know you're there," the blonde girl said, not looking away from her computer.

"I see," Kanaya said slowly, walking over to her. "And that's all you have to say to me?"

Rose stopped typing, and the long silence that stretched between them that felt as if it had lasted hours instead of mere minutes.

"…" the human still didn't look up to Kanaya, and when she finally spoke her voice was just barely above a whisper. "What do you want me to say?"

"Rose… Please."

"Do you want me to tell you not to go? To beg and plead and fall to your feet while I sob all the feelings that I've been holding back for years?"

"Well, I don't believe that human sarcasm is the best response."

"I don't believe that your questioning my usual sarcasm after all this time is the best response either."

Kanaya's frown deepened; this was not going as well as she had been hoping it would.

"It isn't as if we'll never see each other again, you know," the troll said, standing next to the human.

"Let's not feign ignorance," Rose answered, still not looking up at the Virgo. "I think we both know that that's not what the problem is here."

"No… I suppose you're right about that."

"I'm also not going to sit here and try to pretend as if I understand the complexities of romance in your species," Rose went on, her voice clear and unwavering. "Or, by extension, whatever feelings you might have towards me. I don't fully understand either of those subjects, and while I could draw upon countless theories and conclusions, I still could not even begin to fathom the many facets of troll courtship. Observing and learning about something is a far cry from actually experiencing it firsthand."

Another pause as the Seer of Light seemed to be picking her words carefully.

"All I do really know," she said. "Are my own feelings on the matter. Said feelings have apparently been left to whither on their own, ignored under your neglect, have they not?"

"… It wouldn't work," Kanaya said quietly, jade eyes locked on the ground. "It's more than just the gap of us being two different species. You've spoken of things like getting schoolfed at a 'human university', of getting your writing published, while I wish to uphold the memory of my lusus by serving my blood mandated duty in the brooding caverns."

"And you've decided for the both of us, then?"

"There's no sense tiptoeing around it now," Kanaya said, looking back to the human who was still avoiding eye contact. "I am flushed for you Rose; redder than I've ever felt in all my sweeps… And it's because of this that I have to let you go. The paths we wish to walk in life are too different. We would hold each other back, and one of us would eventually have to relinquish lifelong dreams and aspirations for the other. I care for you too much to accept idly sit by and watch selfishly, waiting everyday for you to give up your future for me and my happiness. Can you honestly blame me, for this? Are you really about to sit there and tell me that, in this situation, you wouldn't be waiting for the exact same thing?"

The rainbow drinker gently lifted the human's chin, tilting her face so that she was forced to look at her. Kanaya's hand gently caressed the Seer's cheek, her thumb gently rubbing the skin there. She wasn't the slightest bit surprised when Rose's usual placid eyes were welling with tears that she must have been fighting fang and horn to hold back.

It absolutely broke Kanaya's vascular pump.

She wanted nothing more than to lean down and claim those soft, beautiful human lips; to pepper Rose's lips, eyes, neck and body in sweet kisses. Oh, if their passion were that it could destroy the oceans of differences between them; she'd commit the wonderful creature that so held her vascular pump to matespritship without a second thought. If only she could just somehow make everything okay, with some sort of potion that would make them the same species. Or if she could just cast some magical spell that would advance the world in such a way that they could be together.

But magic wasn't real.

And all the red feelings in paradox space weren't going to change that.

Kanaya removed her hand from Rose's face, and she turned to exit the room once more. She reached for the doorknob, fighting against her instincts to turn around, to run back to Rose and make everything okay. The Virgo knew she couldn't look back into those eyes; if she did she would surely lose her resolve and do something she'd regret.

"… Goodbye," Rose said, a subtle quiver to her voice.

"Goodbye, Rose."

And with no more words than that, Kanaya left.

* * *

Karkat sat at his husktop, staring at the untouched lines of coding on the screen. It had been two days since the Virgo had left, and he still hadn't quite come to terms with it. It was just a bit weird for him to think that whenever he'd leave his block, from now on, Kanaya wouldn't be out there. She wouldn't be just out to get groceries or lounging around with the humans.

She was gone.

The Cancer grumbled to himself and leaned back in his chair; he had been so sure that it was only a matter of time until Kanaya and Rose were filling all kinds of disgusting interspecies pails together. Being a master of all things romance, he was a bit thrown for a loop by his inaccuracy. The whole situation had him feeling confused and unnerved, and on more than one occasion he had contemplated forcing Gamzee to be a competent moirail for five minutes so he could talk it all out. Every time this idea crossed his think pan, though, the clown would do something incredibly idiotic and make him decide otherwise.

"Karbro! I made a motherfucking miracle!"

Karkat looked over his shoulder to see the Capricorn setting the kitten on top of a series of carefully stacked empty bottles of Faygo. The tall troll beamed excitedly at him, gesturing to his creation.

"It's mirthful Faygo-topia!"

Yeah, like that.

The nubby horned troll didn't feel quite up to yelling at his blockmate right now, or up to telling him how much of a fuckass he was. With Kanaya gone, he was also now Gamzee's sole keeper. It would fall to him to keep track of the Capricorn, to keep him from losing it, and to make sure he stayed hopped up on his shit. Fortunately, at least for the last bit, Gamzee had naturally fallen back into eating sopor pies and sleeping in his recuperacoon. It gave Karkat some relief; he really didn't think he could force himself to poison his moirail day in and out. Especially when the consequences of doing it wrong meant Gamzee would snap and go on a killing spree.

No, Karkat had enough blood on his hands to last a life time fuck you very much.

On top of his trying to deal with the fact that he was clearly the only responsible troll left in the apartment-stem was the ever looming irritation that was Terezi and Dave. With Kanaya no longer sharing her respiteblock, the blind troll was almost exclusively alone in there with Dave fuckass Strider. When they weren't there, the two were out at who the fuck knows where.

Either way, the two were always together; a fact that continued to irritate the fuck out of Karkat to no end. He wanted to talk to Terezi alone; maybe he could clear the air and forgo the shitty vagueness between them and get back to where they'd been before all of this. Before the game, before the stupid humans, before any of the musclebeast shit hit the whirling device; if he could just get one fucking minute alone with her, he'd at least get some gogdamn answers.

She couldn't belong to Dave.

She just couldn't.

The nubby horned troll felt a pang in his vascular pump at that thought, and he brought his knees up to his chest, perching his feet on the edge of his chair. It couldn't be too late; he couldn't have lost her to another so easily. Karkat closed his eyes, allowing his think pan to roam to how things should be; he and Terezi would be together, flushed with hearts redder his own mutant eyes. She'd tell him that she felt red for him, and he'd return her affections with some form of dramatic speech. They'd tenderly embrace and have sloppy makeouts; just like a scene from out of one of his romcoms.

And they'd live happily ever after.

Karkat breathed a soft, dreamy sigh and opened his eyes once more to the dull drear that was his and Gamzee's respiteblock. That kind of happiness, the one he so longed for, wasn't meant for a short, angry, useless troll like him, though. He didn't deserve to fill any quadrant, much less one with someone as amazing as Terezi. No, he was doomed to be a lonely fuck forever; maybe even lonelier than that stupid fucking hipster Eridan had been. After all, who would be desperate enough to have a fuckass like him?

And suddenly, Miracle was eye level next to him in the unruly tangle of Gamzee's hair.

"Honk!"

"Fuck off Gamzee, I'm not in the mood."

The Capricorn rolled away, kitten in tow, once more leaving the nubby horned troll to his own thoughts.

Nope.

Nobody would ever want a fuckass like Karkat.

* * *

Terezi scribbled the finishing touches on her enormous depiction of His Honorable Tyranny on one wall of her block, and then stepped back to admire her handiwork. There were now red, chalky stains all over her black skirt and usual black and teal tee.

"Holy shit," Dave said, leaning against the wall where he'd been watching her scramble from one end of the room to the other for the past hour. "So Kanaya's gone off to be a perpetually in labor bug's bitch… And you want to work for a giant… What the fuck is that even?"

"Quit being so sassy coolkid!" Terezi snickered, sitting next to him. "It's His Honorable Tyranny. None are safe from his justice bringing wrath!"

"Yeah, you can really see the justice in those crazy sharp teeth."

The blind troll began giggling again, playfully smacking Dave's knee and just taking a second to revel in the rainbow deliciousness that was her respiteblock. From scalemates covering the floor to the ever expanding mural of her walls, the room was quite literally becoming Rainbow Rumpus Party Town.

Like any coolkid, Dave was naturally at the party too.

Terezi missed Kanaya, really she did, but having all of this space to just do whatever she wanted was pretty nice. In a way, it reminded her of how her own block had been in her hive on Alternia.

She missed that too.

She missed a lot of things, and now that she thought of it, it was kind of starting to bum her out. The Libra let out a soft sigh, one that she hadn't been all that aware she'd made, and Dave looked down at her with his usual poker face.

"Sup?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Hmm?" Terezi said, tilting her head up at him. "I'm just a bit lost in thought. It's still kind of weird not having Kanaya around."

"I know right? We keep running out of food and shit."

"Heheh."

"Rose has been picking up most the slack though."

"Rose doesn't smell as happy as she used to," Terezi frowned, dropping her head to rest on the Knight's shoulder. "Aren't you two like, pink human wiggler related though? She hasn't said anything to you?"

"Dude, I am not going there. Anytime I try to talk to Rose about feelings or some shit, she starts doing some psychobabble bullshit about how I'm some incestuous gay fetishist. I'll pass."

Terezi began giggling again; she could always relax around the human. Not only that, but she felt as if she could talk to him about anything. Even if most of his responses were weird, irony enshrouded tangents that went in circles, she always knew he was listening. She needed someone to listen to her now and then; Kanaya had been perfect for that, but she was gone now.

Just one more bad thing about the jade blooded troll being gone.

"_Terezi, a word if I may?" Kanaya said, sitting next to her recuperacoon._

"_Sure Kanaya, you may have exactly one word. Heheheh."_

"_Hmm, perhaps I wasn't clear enough then. I'm afraid what I have to say will require more than one word to properly-"_

"_It's okay, don't start prattling on! I was just kidding," the blind troll sat next to her blockmate, a wily grin on her face. "What's up?"_

"_I just wanted to say that… In regards to what we'd talked about earlier?"_

"_Oh," Terezi said, a light teal blush barely visible on her cheeks as she looked towards the glowing troll. "Yeah?"_

"_I… I think that you should."_

"_What? You do?"_

"_Yes, I do."_

"_But I don't get it… Why?"_

"_Just because I'm making the worst decision of my life doesn't mean you should as well. My circumstances aside, though, I know for a fact that's what you want, and what will make you happy."_

"Bluh bluh bluh," the Libra teased, now standing up. "Let's go to that park thing you told me about!"

"Oh shit. That's like, the best idea ever."

Dave rose as well, unceremoniously heading over to and then opening the door for the blind troll.

"Ooh! What a gentleman!"

"Nevermind. Open it yourself," Dave said, already moving away from the door.

"Heheh! No need to be so snippy."

The blind troll hurried through before the human could pretend to close it on her, and she shot him one of her famous shit eating grins and then ran over to the exit of the apartment-stem.

"Hurry up Dave Strider!" she said, putting emphasis on his last name.

"Calm your alien bug tits," the Knight said coolly but returned her grin with a smirk. "Park's not going anywhere. It'd probably be badass if it did though. We could hunt that shit down like an alcoholic redneck on beer can island."

"… What? Quit being so ironic," Terezi teased, reaching out to grab his hand.

The blonde haired boy didn't let his cool demeanor slip even a fraction of a second, but behind those dark shades his red eyes were locked on their joined hands.

This was definitely the perfect chance to one-up her.

Dave pulled his hand back lightly, causing the blind troll to go backwards from her original direction and towards him instead. Terezi picked up on this new game instantly, and after her usual round of cackling, she leaned back, pulling him closer to her. The human hadn't made it all the way there, though, and he quickly pulled back his arm with greater force than before. This worked out like a charm, and Terezi was lassoed back over to him.

The blind troll allowed herself to fall into the human's chest, snickering as she did so and pushing her fingers through the gaps in his own digits, effectively interlacing their hands. She felt the human's gentle hand tilt her head upwards, and the black lines of her mouth curved up into a soft grin. Closing the gap between them, Dave leaned down and placed a single, lingering kiss on the troll's lips. Terezi didn't hesitate to press deeper into the kiss, lightly nipping at the soft skin of the human's lower lip with her pointed teeth carefully so as not to break the skin. Dave's tongue dipped into the crease of her kiss, and her mouth parted obediently to permit him entrance.

After all, just one kiss, no matter how lovely, wasn't enough from her matehumansprit; she couldn't get enough of this amazing coolkid.

The two were in their own world, enjoying sweet, sloppy makeouts at the entrance of the apartment stem.

Neither of them noticed the two bright, candy red eyes peering past a half opened door.

Nor did either of them see said door close.

And nobody at all saw the transparent, red tears.


	16. RoMcOmS AnD WiCkEd eLiXeR

RoMcOmS AnD WiCkEd eLiXeR

It's hard.

Being a kid and growing up.

It's hard and nobody understands.

Karkat sat in the ablution trap, the once warm water having long since turned cold as it washed over him. It was as good as ice, with as long as he had spent just sitting there wallowing in his own misery, and it pricked up goose bumps on his skin. The Cancer didn't mind, though, and he wasn't about to get out any time soon. After all, no one could see the thin, translucent rivulets of red running down his face if he permitted the gentle, if cold, water to wash away his pain.

About the only thing more pathetic than him sitting in the ablution crying for the past two hours was the fact that, despite how much he hated himself for being such a grubfaced wiggler about all this, he just couldn't bring himself to get out and move on. How the hell was he supposed to face Dave, or even Terezi for that matter? He'd lost the troll he'd been so ridiculously flushed for all these sweeps; and to that insufferable prick of a human nonetheless! If he had just fucking gotten his shit together long enough to figure out his full feelings for her instead of just sitting around waiting for them to magically become matesprits! Was it any fucking surprise that she picked someone better than a worthless fuck like him?

It was too late for any of his rage now.

The most perfect troll in fucking paradox space had been right within his reach.

And he fucking blew it.

The nubby horned troll's arms wrapped loosely around his legs, pulling his knees closer to him as he buried his face between them. Maybe if he just waited for fucking ever in there, the rest of the fuckasses in the apartment-stem would forget about him and he could rot away in peace. This plan seemed to be working so far, and would probably continue to work, he decided, right up until someone else tried to take an ablution. A fairly loud sniffle echoed within the confines of the ablution trap, and he fisted a hand to reach up and rub away some of the snot dripping out of his cartilage nub. His eyes were beginning to feel weary from his incessant crying, and he momentarily wondered if it was possible to run out of tears.

"Karbro?" came a muffled voice outside of the ablution trap. "You all up and motherfucking good in there best friend?"

The Cancer didn't answer, and he closed his eyes to try and further tune out the painful world around him. Gamzee was just trying to be a good moirail and check on him, he knew that, but… He just really wanted to be alone.

Karkat maintained his silence, and just mentally hoped that Gamzee would get the message.

* * *

Leaning his head against the bathroom door, his neck crooked slightly to allow his tall, curvy horns to rest against it as well, Gamzee patiently sat. His usual, lazy grin was slightly less wide than it normally was, and the reason for this was currently locked in the bathroom not speaking to him.

About some motherfucking time ago, Karkat had gone to leave to get food, but then all up and changed his mind and decided to take a forever shower. The Capricorn hadn't thought anything of it at the time, and shortly after Jade had called him out to help with some of the miracle food baking.

Gamzee loved motherfucking cooking up miracles and shit.

Even though Jade wouldn't ever let him put any of his delicious pie in the food.

It was still a mirthful time and shit, always a bitchtits motherfucking time.

Anyway, once the taller troll had finished he'd wandered back into his and Karkat's respiteblock only to find that the nubby horned troll was still cleaning off. It was kind of motherfucking weird, he figured, because the Cancer hadn't looked all that motherfucking dirty to him. He'd tried to go in and check on him, and after a good fifteen minutes of trying the doorknob, he finally realized it was locked.

Here he was now, trying to get an answer from his moirail on this strange behavior. He knew that motherfucker was in there too, because every now and then he could hear him make a noise. If Karkat was just taking a really long shower then that was all up and motherfucking good with him. However, he had this feeling in the pit of his nutrition sack that something else was motherfucking going on and shit.

Come to think of it, that wasn't the only thing he was feeling in his nutrition sack.

"Aww shit Miracle," Gamzee said to the kitten who wasn't even in the block at the moment. "I'm going to make some motherfucking munchies. Maybe that'll get Karbro to all up and finish his forever mirthful cleaning time."

The Capricorn leaned back, away from the door his head was resting on, and he lazily stood up. He was now more than a little excited about this plan, and he decided that baking was the most perfect motherfucking thing to do. Gamzee knew just what he was going to make too.

Motherfucking cupcakes.

He use to make Faygo cupcakes all the time back in his hive on Alternia, so making them here in scratched human universe couldn't be that much different. At least, that's what he up and motherfucking decided.

Gamzee dug through the cupboards, pantry, and fridge in search of all the necessary ingredients. He unceremoniously piled them up in his arms which hindered him a bit as he tried to obtain the rest of the pieces to the motherfucking baking puzzle. Finally, realizing he could fit no more items in his arms, the highblood dropped them all on a counter with a series of clatters. He then took a minute to survey all of the ingredients getting their motherfucking chill on together; like they all up and belonged there in this miracle cupcake adventure.

His lazy smile stretched farther and he stood there for a good ten minutes just staring at the items on the counter as thoughts about how beautiful life was ran through his think pan. Everywhere he looked, alls he could see was motherfucking miracles. Like how he was going to make mirthful cupcakes for his best motherfucking friend.

Friendship was a miracle.

Having now thoroughly zoned out on what he was originally doing, his mind hazily circled back around to the fact that he was doing all of this to get some baking done. Sometimes when he motherfucking got distracted like that, he'd wonder when that up and started and try to get his remembering on about whether or not he did that when he'd first gotten on this planet. His memory wasn't all that good, though, so he decided that the mirthful messiahs just planned to all up and leave it an unexplained miracle (as all true and non-blasphemous miracles really were).

He just needed two more ingredients to get started. The first, of course, was the motherfucking Faygo for his Faygo cupcakes. Opening up the fridge, though, a thought suddenly occurred to the Capricorn; if his think pan served him right, Karkat didn't all up and dig his wicked elixir. Gamzee's smile didn't falter, but he was now a little motherfucking confused about what to put in that shit.

How the motherfuck do you make Faygo cupcakes without motherfucking Faygo?

The tall troll rifled through the fridge, moving aside cartons of apple juice and bottles of grub sauce in search of a proper main ingredient. Seeing a fairly large amount of semisweet chocolate in one of the drawers, Gamzee's lazy grin stretched wider and he fished it out. Well, if that wasn't a little motherfucking miracle, he didn't know what the fuck… Motherfuck. Either way he didn't know what the fuck anything motherfucking was.

Miracles.

He set the chocolate on the counter with the rest of the ingredients, and would have probably started to zone out again staring at them if Miracle hadn't suddenly hopped up. The Capricorn quickly seized up his kitten, placing her properly in his hair where she belonged. Man, when did Miracle Faygo Little Motherfucker even get out of his hair? That bitchtits kitten was so hard to keep track of sometimes.

"Just in time Miracle," Gamzee said, walking back to his and Karkat's block with a pie tin. "I need to all up and get one more motherfucking thing and then we can bake these mirthful cup sized cake munchies."

The kitten meowed, but otherwise stayed put in the clown's familiar nest of hair.

Gamzee took a quick peek at the crack under the bathroom door and, seeing the light spilling through it and hearing the sounds of water still running, he decided that his moirail must still be in there. These cupcakes were going to be the best thing to perk up his wicked motherfucking best friend.

Wandering over to his recuperacoon, the Capricorn scooped out a silvery pie tin full of the pimpest sneeze he could find. This was the most essential of ingredients in anything involving baking; especially desserts. Besides that, everyone knew you couldn't make any motherfucking cupcakes without some delicious sopor slime.

At least, Gamzee had never up and made any without it.

Plus, it wasn't like Karkat had any problems with sopor slime like he did with motherfucking Faygo. At least, Gamzee didn't think he did? It was kind of hard to get his motherfucking remembering on when it came to shit like that. Oh well, only one way to find out if the Cancer didn't like his bitching slime.

With his final ingredient secured, the tall troll left the respiteblock to return to the kitchenette; eager to get started on some serious motherfucking baking.

* * *

Karkat begrudgingly turned the knob on the ablution trap, shutting off the cold water with a slight shudder of the pipes. His red, puffy and still leaking eyes watched the last bits of liquid rush down the drain and he breathed in a slow, shaky breath.

For whatever reason, it had sounded like Gamzee had left the block; this gave Karkat that peace to lament in his misery alone. After continuing to cry in the ablution trap for another hour after that, he'd finally decided to get out. The cold, hard porcelain bottom was beginning to hurt his ass, and sitting in there wasn't exactly making him feel all that much better anyway.

So, with a sigh, the nubby horned troll got to his feet and grabbed whatever towel was closest to him to dry off. Once he was done drying, he went ahead and wiped away the tears and dribble from his cartilage nub, finally regaining some level of composure. He balled up the towel and threw it to one corner of the ablution trap before walking into the rest of his respiteblock.

Just as he had assumed, which was fantastic because he really couldn't handle being naked in front of Gamzee right now, the taller troll was nowhere to be found. Karkat opened one of his drawers and began hunting for one set of his pajamas. Not really much of a stickler for organization, when he'd put all of his clothes into his allotted drawers he hadn't really organized them in any rhyme or reason. After several minutes of rummaging, he eventually withdrew a set of black and grey flannel pajamas and a pair of dark blue boxers. He wasted no time in putting them on and then just stood there for a few seconds.

Now what?

Karkat still felt like complete and utter shit, wanting nothing more than to just curl up and die somewhere, and he knew that if he tried to sleep now he'd likely just wake up crying again. The fact that he'd managed to stop now was still a bit of a conundrum that he didn't want to think too much on.

A light shiver wracked the Cancer's body, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around himself to try to warm up. That obviously wasn't going to do much, as pitiful attempts at soothing himself often failed to do, and so he walked over to the closet. He and Gamzee both had to share it, and for Karkat's side of the empty space he'd stuffed many stupid things. One of these stupidly unhelpful and useless as fuck things was a very soft, fluffy grayish green blanket that he couldn't help but buy after brushing past it in some fuckass human store.

It's not like it was comforting or anything.

It was just for when he was cold, like right fucking now, so fuck off.

He had to stand on his tiptoes to retrieve the blanket, having placed it on the uppermost shelf for some idiotic reason, but the fabric readily snagged on one of his claws and he pulled it down. It hadn't been folded all that well to begin with, so it was no real shame when it tumbled into a heap in his hands.

Karkat turned to leave the closet, fluffy blanket in tow, when a rectangular shaped item caught the corner of his eye. It was a movie; one of his favorite romcoms that he'd brought with him from Alternia. Sure, he'd added a few new titles to his collection since they'd arrived here, but this one was such a classic.

The nubby horned troll pondered silently for a few moments whether or not he was really in the mood for one of his movies. On the one hand, he was kind of dealing with a huge fucking heartbreak right now and he didn't know if watching happy trolls be happy in fucking flushed red quadrants was really what he needed right now. On the other, though, these movies always seemed to put him in a better state of mind, drowning out the rest of the world.

After several long minutes of contemplation, Karkat silently fumed over to the movie, retrieving it from the corner of the closet. Soft as fuck blanket in one hand and amazing troll romcom in the other, he unceremoniously went over to the television and set everything up. He snatched up the remote on the dresser and brought it with him to the section of the couch farthest away from the door. There were quite a few previews to get through before getting to the main menu, and he took advantage of this time to form a fluffy blanket cocoon around himself. Curling tightly into the soothing embrace of his blanket, he clicked to the dvd's menu and started the movie.

He most definitely was not being the most pathetic fucking thing in doing all of this.

That didn't stop him from feeling like it, though.

* * *

"Holy shit."

Gamzee's neck craned slowly to look around at Strider, who was just entering the apartment-stem once more with Terezi on his arm. The blind troll's cartilage nub was twitching this way and that, and her sharp teeth showed in a series of cackles at what she smelled.

"Gamzee made a mess," she snickered, jabbing Dave in the side.

"No really? You're definitely the most observant troll in this bitch."

"Sassy!"

The Capricorn tilted his head slightly, his lazy grin unmoving, and he turned to take stock of the kitchenette's state. Chocolate had all up and gotten its motherfucking chill on with the stove, the refrigerator, the counter, and somehow the ceiling but Gamzee didn't really have his motherfucking know on to how that all up and even happened. Taking a look to the floor, he noted that it was covered with a mirthful little mural of eggs and sugar and all kinds of motherfucking delicious munchies. On one cupboard was his usual clown nosed smiley face made out of sopor slime. He remembered making that! It had been so motherfucking fun that… Oh yeah! That's how the chocolate got on the ceiling!

"Honk!" Gamzee said happily, returning his attention to the pair.

"Weird ass juggalo clown," Dave muttered, but was quickly shushed by Terezi.

"What did you make? It smells like delicious chocolate!"

"Motherfucking cupcakes, bitchtits sis," the taller troll said, bringing forth a plate that had various cupcakes stacked together. "Karkat was taking a forever shower, so I decided to make motherfucking miracles. Want one?"

"Hmm," the blind troll pondered this, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "No offense Gamzee, but I don't really trust your cooking. Who knows what you put in those things!"

"Yeah, I'll pass," Dave said, raising a curious eyebrow to the confectionary goods. "Later."

With that, the Knight guided a giggling Terezi back to his room and nonchalantly closed the door behind him. The Capricorn shrugged and plucked one of the cupcakes off of the platter, happily popping it into his mouth; more motherfucking miracles for his Karbro then!

They were by no means the neatest creations in the world, but they were really motherfucking delicious. For some reason, the chocolate icing that he'd covered the tops of all the cupcakes with had managed to get smushed in between and underneath the paper cup parts. Gamzee didn't mind though, it kind of even added to the cupcakes; made each one its own little motherfucking surprise miracle. He just knew this was going to make Karkat all up and be the happiest motherfucker ever. It would be the best miracle he could ever all up and do; his moirail was always so motherfucking unhappy, and that just wasn't cool.

"Alright Miracle," Gamzee said, picking up the plate of cupcakes. "Time to go cheer up one bitching motherfucker of a best friend."

The tall troll went to his and Karkat's respiteblock, holding the plate of cupcakes in one hand and opening the door with the other. His smile was stretched impossibly wide as he poked his head in to seek out the nubby horned troll. Seeing one lump of fluffy grayish green on the couch and hearing the television on let him know that, if nothing else, Karkat had finally gotten out of the shower.

"Best friend," the Capricorn drawled out.

There was no answer, but Gamzee could see the balled up Karkat curl his blanket tighter around him.

"Best friend," the clown said again, closing the door behind him and moving to the couch. "I made cupcakes."

"Leave me alone Gamzee," the Cancer said, followed with a very soft sniffle.

The taller troll tilted his head in confusion, and he looked from the curled up Karkat to the romcom playing on the television. Gamzee didn't really get these movies, they all were kind of motherfucking lame to him, but Karbro usually got all up and chill watching them. Right now, though, it sounded like he was crying. That wasn't very motherfucking chill, so the Capricorn decided he would just have to try harder.

"Bro, one of these motherfucking cupcakes will give you a serious case of the harshwhimsys."

Gamzee removed the top cupcake from the stack, setting it on the couch arm closest to Karkat. He then leaned back to lay down in the remaining free space, lazily watching to see if his best motherfucking friend would all up and eat the miracle cake in a cup.

* * *

Okay, watching a romcom right now had been the worst fucking idea in all of paradox space.

Worse than that, the Cancer just couldn't seem to bring himself to shut the fucker off. To top off his stupid decision to watch a movie that he was now crying over, Karkat's psycho clown of a moirail had decided to return to their block. The nubby horned troll glared at the chocolate cupcake sitting next to him, and his think pan debated with whether or not he should eat it. There was no telling what the fuck Gamzee could have put in them, but the overwhelming aroma of chocolate was tempting his cartilage nub something fierce.

It wasn't fair, really, because he had the biggest fucking sweet fangs when it came to sugary treats like this. He also hadn't eaten in sometime, a fact that his nutrition sack was now reminding him of, and that sloppy cupcake just looked and smelled far too tasty.

After a few minutes of just staring at the treat through bleary, tearful eyes, the Cancer quickly snatched it up and stuffed it into his mouth. Might as well add more pathetic useless bullshit to his overabundance of fuckassery.

Besides, it was just a cupcake.

Not like anything bad would happen.

* * *

Gamzee leaned back against the armrest, indigo eyes lazily drifting over to the almost empty plate of cupcakes. There were only two left, and he was trying to decide if he was going to eat one of them or not.

He should probably ask his best motherfucking friend if he wanted any more first.

The Capricorn looked down to the other end of the couch at the unfurled ball of Karkat who was half draped over and half falling off of his cushion. The fluffy blanket that had been wound so tightly around him earlier was now only covering parts of him as he drifted from staring at the television to staring at nothing. Gamzee couldn't help but think he looked so motherfucking chill like that. It was kind of like how Miracle would stretch out on his lap sometimes; being all adorable and shit. That's exactly what it was; Karkat was like a motherfucking kitty.

"Karbro, you're like a motherfucking kitty," Gamzee said, smile opening a crack.

The nubby horned troll didn't respond immediately, but he eventually glanced over to the clown who had addressed him. He blinked a few times, but then opened his mouth to speak.

"Meow!" Karkat said a little too loudly, startling himself.

Gamzee watched as the Cancer recovered from his shock only to begin giggling to himself. Karkat's hands reached up as if to try and cover up his laughter, but only one hand made it to his mouth as the other haphazardly covered his eye. It was pretty motherfucking funny, and Gamzee soon began chuckling as well.

Soft giggling and chuckling soon turned into uproarious laughter as the two worked themselves into a hysterical frenzy. Karkat was eventually laughing so hard that he fell off the couch and, in his current state, needed Gamzee to help pull him back up. This had stifled their laughing after a few minutes, but when the clown had failed to pull Karkat back up, instead falling on the ground himself, the two burst into a fresh fit all over again.

One perilous trek back up onto the couch later, the two finally began to settle back into their previous, sopor induced relaxation. Gamzee stretched a bit and, glancing over to the plate next to him, he remembered that he never actually mentioned the remaining cupcakes to Karkat.

At least, he was pretty sure he hadn't done that yet.

"Hey, hey," Gamzee said, waiting for the Cancer to look over before continuing. "Best motherfucking friend."

"Hmm?" was all Karkat could muster, blinking and squinting as if he was having a hard time focusing.

"There are two cupcakes left. Do you want to get your motherfucking munch on with them?"

"Cupcakes… Are a fuckass," Karkat snickered out, his head rolling back some as he did so. "How many are… In my nutrition sack?"

The Cancer seemed a bit confused with what he'd just said, and he squinted harder, his lips drawn into a taut line, as he tried to determine if his sentence had made any sense.

"Shit, well let's see," Gamzee said, looking at the pile of discarded cupcake wrappers on the ground next to Karkat. "I always end up with like, motherfucking twenty four cupcakes right?"

"I don't know fucking cupcakes," Karkat grumbled, only a hint of his usual irritation in his words. "Okay? Twenty four cupcakes… And now there's… Twenty four."

"Really?" Gamzee asked, checking the remaining cupcakes on the plate once more. "Oh shit, there're only two motherfucking cupcakes."

"But you made two," Karkat protested, frown deepening.

"Two… What now?"

Man, math was motherfucking complicated as shit.

"Shit, this is too motherfucking hard," Gamzee said, scratching at the messy tangles of hair on his head. "Oh, I almost all up and forgot! Do you want a motherfucking cupcake best friend?"

"Oh, hell fucking yes," the Cancer said, adjusting to face the taller troll. "I'll get it. Don't… Fuckass."

The Capricorn chuckled some at his best friend's half-formed thoughts and sentences; this had definitely been the best motherfucking idea ever. Karkat was on his hands and knees on the couch now, staring intensely down at the cushion as if it would try to move or some tricky shit like that if he wasn't careful. Gamzee knew firsthand just how tricky inanimate objects could be, so it wasn't even that big of a motherfucking surprise to him. The tall troll watched as the other slowly began to make his way towards him from the other end of the couch.

"Honk! You're almost at the mirthful cupcakes," the Capricorn said as Karkat reached his legs.

Using Gamzee's baggy striped pants to steady himself, the Cancer continued on in a sort of horizontal climb to the treats. Finally reaching the bottom of his shirt, the Capricorn looked down with a bit of confusion as to why Karkat had suddenly stopped.

The nubby horned troll had abandoned his climb to the cupcakes and was now staring intently at the romcom still playing on the television.

"_Don't you understand? I don't care how much you try and fight me on this," the female troll said to the male. "I know in my vascular pump that you're the only troll I could ever harbor such red feelings for. I'm… I'm flushed for you."_

"_I'm… Me too," the male said, taking her hands in his. "Migard, will you… Be my matesprit?"_

"_Oh Lenost, I thought you'd never ask!"_

Gamzee raised a curious eyebrow at the screen as the two characters then proceeded to have sloppy makeouts. He really didn't understand these movies, but Karkat really seemed to be getting into it right now.

At least, he'd thought that until he saw the red tears running down his moirail's face.

"Karkat? You all up and feeling alright best friend?"

The Cancer laid down on top of him, suddenly, and buried his face into the crook between his neck and shoulder. Gamzee could feel the warm, wet tears of his blockmate as they began to drip down on his skin.

"Best friend?" the Capricorn asked, trying to turn and look at the sobbing troll. "What's wrong motherfucker?"

The nubby horned troll clung tightly to him, crying even harder now so that the Capricorn felt compelled to try and comfort him. His long arms gently wrapped around the other's small body, and he hugged Karkat close to him.

"There, there Karbro," Gamzee shooshed, papping his back. "It's all motherfucking good. I'm here for you bro."

Karkat continued to cry, but Gamzee's attempts to comfort him seemed to have a bit of a soothing effect as his sobs lessened slightly. They still shook his body as the left, with the occasional hiccup interrupting them as he gasped for air, but he nuzzled tighter into the taller troll's warmth.

After several minutes like this, Karkat sobbing and Gamzee holding him, the nubby horned troll finally seemed to calm himself down enough to stop crying. He sat up on top of the Capricorn, reaching up a hand to wipe away any remaining tears. Karkat stared down at his moirail, a still fairly pained and confused expression showing. Gamzee looked up to him, that relaxed smile on his lips, and he ruffled the Cancer's messy black hair.

"There you go best friend," he said. "See? Motherfucking palebros for life. I got your shit motherfucker, you can count on me to-"

Gamzee was cut off then as Karkat suddenly leaned down, closing the distance between them with a sloppy but forceful kiss.


	17. NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL

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NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL

It could have been minutes that passed by.

It could have been seconds.

Gamzee couldn't really get his remembering on about that.

He wasn't the dude of time.

What the indigo blooded troll did know, however, was that he was now exchanging shallow, albeit still sloppy kisses with the shorter troll lying on top of him. They couldn't really be considered sloppy makeouts, though; after all, their smooches were little more than carelessly placed pecks. The Capricorn didn't quite understand what had just happened, but he wasn't about to question shit. Sometimes life all up and did miracles like that, and the only thing to do was roll with it and leave shit up to the mirthful messiahs.

Gamzee shifted from Karkat's lips to the small length of his neck, and he began trailing kisses from the base to jawline. He felt the nubby horned troll shiver against him, his arms clinging tighter, and before he knew it he was starting on a hickey in the middle of that soft, warm stretch of grey skin. The Capricorn probably would have continued in this, but he suddenly felt the Cancer go limp; effectively becoming dead weight on top of him. Confused, (though, let's be honest here it really didn't take much to do that) Gamzee could feel the smaller troll's relaxed rise and fall of even breathing, so he tilted his head some to look at his moirail's face.

Aww…

Little motherfucker fell asleep.

The highblood's grin widened, and he carefully picked up the slumbering Karkat in his arms. There his best friend went, being all adorable and shit without even knowing it. It was a motherfucking miracle, and Gamzee wasn't about to try and mess with it. He walked over to Karkat's recuperacoon, and he ever so gently placed him inside the soothing sopor slime.

Gamzee just watched him in there for a few minutes, successfully resisting the urge to hug his best friend when he saw him curl into a half-formed ball as he slept. It still struck him as a little weird that Karkat always slept with those pajamas getting their cling on, but he didn't up and really mind.

It just made his moirail look that much cuter.

"Catch some mirthful z's best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said after a while, turning to leave their respiteblock.

Whatever Karkat was going through, he clearly needed some peace and motherfucking quiet.

* * *

Jade stood in front of the kitchenette, her mouth hanging agape as she stared at its state of disarray. There was stuff on the cupboards. There was stuff on the floor. There was stuff on the goddamn ceiling! Of all the mess, one particular bit of slop clued her in to who the perpetrator was; specifically, a green bit of slop.

"Gamzee!" she said, crossing her arms and looking over to the tall troll leaving his room. "Did you make this mess? I was going to finish making dinner! How am I supposed to do that with all this?"

The Capricorn still maintained his calm, goofy smile, and he lazily looked from Jade to the kitchenette. A few minutes of silence stretched between them as Jade waited for a response, but Gamzee said nothing.

"Gamzee, did you hear me?" she pressed on. "Are you going to clean this up?"

As she pointed to the mess, Gamzee's eyes followed the stretch of her arm, but this time he kept his gaze on the kitchenette. A few more minutes of silence passed as the tall troll seemed to be piecing together a response, and just when Jade was about to say something again, he spoke.

"Shit, I'm sorry about that bitchtits sis. I up and made motherfucking cupcakes. I guess I forgot to pick up after."

Jade's expression softened, and she giggled, "It's alright I guess. I should have known better than to leave you alone in the kitchen anyway!"

"Honk!"

"Okay," she shrugged. "What's say we clean this mess up together and then get dinner going?"

"Sure thing motherfucker," Gamzee said with a nod.

The two began their work on the mess, helping the sponges and towels in the kitchenette soar up the rungs of their echeladders with each slain bit of food. Gamzee focused on the higher spots where his cooking adventure had ended up, while Jade was hard at work with anywhere else. The sopor parts of the mess were the most stubborn to clean out, but with some hard scrubbing from the rough side of a sponge, they too eventually came up. Dinner was delayed from its usual time by a good hour, but the kitchenette was made neat and tidy once more.

"Whew!" Jade said, collecting up their cleaning supplies. "That was a very big mess, but the kitchen probably needed a good cleaning anyway. I'm glad we started on dinner earlier, otherwise there'd be no way to get it all done tonight!"

"Honk!" Gamzee said in agreement, taking that as his cue to go over to the refrigerator and begin setting things out. "Oh, I almost motherfucking forgot… Karbro's probably going to miss dinner."

"Really? Why's that? Is he feeling alright?"

"Yeah, no need to get your motherfucking worry on human sis. He's just catching some wicked z's earlier than motherfucking usual."

"Oh, alright then! It's probably for the best; he always looks tired to me... Maybe that's why he's so crabby all the time."

Gamzee shrugged and glanced over to the door of their respiteblock; it had been nice to get his motherfucking chill on with his wicked moirail. His think pan wandered to whether or not they'd hang again anytime soon. Usually Karkat was being motherfucking busy with his husktop, so he didn't hold much hope for it. It wasn't even something to get his think pan all fried over; Karkat always had a lot of motherfucking shit going on, so Gamzee didn't all up and mind. It was just like how when it was him and Goatdad back on Alternia; if someone had better shit to do then waste time with him, then that was o-motherfucking-kay.

Still… It had been nice.

Maybe the mirthful messiahs would bless him with another miracle some day.

* * *

The usual, excited buzz in the apartment-stem that usually followed dinner wasn't quite as fervent tonight, Jade decided as she watched John hand dish after dish to either Dave or Terezi to clean. The dishwasher was too full from cleaning up after Gamzee's mess earlier, so the pair was busy hand washing the dishes in between trying to blow ridiculously large bubbles at each other. They certainly were in their usual, high spirits, but with Karkat and Rose both absent from dinner, Jade had felt that the whole dining experience had been a bit lacking from the start.

She had been trying her very best to just give Rose the space she requested to get over Kanaya's unexpected departure. That had been two days ago and, despite her curiousness, Jade had tried only a handful of times afterwards to get her roommate to open up. Rose remained tight lipped on the matter, however, and now had spent the majority of her day hauled up in her and Jade's room. Dinner had been no exception, and the Witch of Space was beginning to really worry about her roommate.

Quietly gathering up a plate of food for Rose, Jade slipped away to their room and closed the door behind her. Clacking away on her keyboard, the blonde haired girl didn't so much as look up to her entrance. Her frown deepening, Jade walked over to Rose and offered up the plate of food.

"I saved you some dinner," she said, trying her best to force a smile.

"Not hungry," Rose replied flatly, still typing.

Jade sighed, but placed the dish of food onto their dresser. There was a time for sitting back and giving space, and there was a time for stepping up to help a friend.

This was one of those times.

"Rose… Not eating isn't going to bring her back," Jade said, sitting next to the other.

"What Kanaya chooses to do with her life is her own business, not mine," Rose answered, eyes glued to her screen. "I'm just not hungry. On top of that, I thought I'd mentioned something about not wanting to discuss the matter, didn't I?"

"Well yes, but it seems to me that-"

"Jade, I know you're trying to help," Rose said, cutting her off. "But please… I ate earlier by myself, I'm genuinely just not very hungry right now."

Jade's Bec ears flattened, and she sheepishly looked down to her nervously folded hands. This whole 'helping Rose feel better' thing wasn't going as well as she was hoping it would. With as much insight as the Seer had to other people's mental states, she often appeared to be oblivious when it came to her own. Whether or not Rose was actually hungry was a moot point; it would merely add to the ever growing mountain of proof that she was intentionally avoiding having to deal with Kanaya's departure.

"… It's getting late," Jade conceded, deciding to, once more, abandon this quest.

The Witch of Space got up and retrieved the now cold plate of food from the dresser before exiting the room. She went back to the kitchenette, shoulders slumped forward in defeat, and she cling wrapped the premade dinner. No sense wasting it; perhaps she could heat it up for lunch tomorrow. The others were in their own respective rooms now, and a quick glance at the clock told her it was getting late.

Jade sighed and returned to her and Rose's room; she really needed to find a way to lift the other's spirits. She tried to think up one plan after another as she flicked off the lamp closest to her bedside, but it seemed as if every train of thought was inevitably derailed by unexpected yawns. Jade finally gave up on making any headway with this idea; she was just going to have to shelf this topic until tomorrow. Perhaps a good night's rest would provide her with inspiration to cheer up her roommate.

"I'm going to turn in," Jade said, snuggling into her comforter. "Good night, sweet dreams."

"Night."

* * *

Karkat slowly opened his eyes, and instantly regretted doing so. He groaned into his recuperacoon, reaching up to hold his aching head. It took him a few seconds to register that he was in the familiar warmth of sopor slime.

When the fuck did he get in here?

The nubby horned troll eventually convinced himself to climb out of the recuperacoon, and he leaned against it as he stood. Head cradled in his hands, he tried to remember anything that had happened up until this point. Anytime he tried to think on the matter, though, a fresh wave of pain would shoot across his think pan. Gog damn it, it felt like he'd been hit in the face with a four wheeled beast. Now that he thought about it, he'd also never been this fucking thirsty in his entire life. His mouth was dry and felt sticky with the putrid, fresh stink of morning breath (which in and of itself was kind of a misnomer because, based on the extremely bright light pouring into their room, it was very clearly the middle of the fucking afternoon).

"Hey there Karbro," came the way too fucking loud voice of Gamzee from the couch. "Did you get some-"

"Fuck! Shut up Gamzee… Ow, gog my head…" Karkat said, covering his eyes as if to shield them from the pain.

"What's wrong yo? Why are-"

"I said shut up fuckass!" the smaller troll snapped weakly, haphazardly making his way to the door. "Just… Don't fucking talk. Your talking has been- OW! Fuck!"

Karkat pressed his hands on either side of his head, squeezing as if the pressure would help to alleviate the pain. It did nothing, though, and so he ceased this to flail into the air aimlessly a few times, eventually successful in grabbing the doorknob.

Still covered in sopor slime, which was now gradually falling off of his pajamas and leaving a trail across the floor, Karkat soon discovered that the sticky lift and fall of his feet on the ground was really fucking annoying right now. Growling and groaning all the way, he eventually navigated to the barstools next to the kitchenette, and he climbed onto one of them. His head fell almost instantly to rest on the cold granite bartop, and he closed his eyes to better soak up its soothing, numbing properties. Fuck, whatever happened yesterday… Or several days ago? He wasn't sure. Whatever, who gives a shit. Whatever the fuck happened before right this fucking second really knocked him on his nook.

"Hi Karkat!" John said, sitting next to him.

"Fuck off Egbert," the nubby horned troll growled, still not opening his eyes.

"Haha! You've been sleeping all day, how can you be this angry?"

"Maybe because I feel like human hoofbeast shit. Is that fucking reason enough for you fuckass?"

"Really? Oh man, I'm sorry," John said, getting up from his seat. "I didn't know trolls got sick…"

"Oh my fucking gog, how are you this fucking stupid after all this time?"

"Well… Is there anything I can get you?"

"No… Wait, yes, fuck, I forgot what I crawled in here for," Karkat said, now lifting his head slightly to look at John. "Water. I'm really fucking thirsty so could you pretty human earth please give me a glass of fucking water?"

"Sure thing! One glass of fucking water coming up! Haha."

"Fuck you."

It felt like he had been waiting there all fucking day, but eventually an ice cold glass of water was set next to him. The troll quickly snatched it up, downing it with big, greedy gulps until all but the barely melted blocks of ice were gone. He slid the glass back over to John, that tiny bit of water already seeming to ease a fraction of his pain.

"Wow, you _are_ thirsty," John said, refilling the glass with more water.

Karkat didn't answer, but he once more grabbed the glass and wasted little time in emptying it as well. He repeated this once more, but by the fourth glass he had gone from ridiculously thirsty to a bit water logged. With half a glass of water left, his headache wasn't completely gone but it had been diminished to a much more manageable level.

He was just going to have to fucking deal with it.

Taking Karkat's ignoring him as his leave to go, John wandered back to his own block, once more leave the Cancer by himself. The short troll couldn't really say he gave a single fuck about that; he needed to remember what happened anyway. Closing his eyes, he thought back to the last memory he could recall.

_ Terezi and Dave were standing in front of the door to the apartment-stem, they were doing something stupid like always. They hadn't just stood there doing that, though, they had…_

Oh, yeah.

The Cancer remembered with a bleak realization that the two of them were officially together now, and that familiar pit of sorrow returned to his nutrition sack. He remembered seeing them together, and he remembered them kissing and then feeling like a worthless fucking shit.

Then what happened?

"_Karbro?" came a muffled voice from outside of the ablution trap. "You all up and motherfucking good in there best friend?"_

That's right; he had spent hours crying in the ablution trap like a fuckass wiggler.

He was really fucking proud of that.

And by proud, he meant embarrassed as fuck.

This is stupid.

Karkat rubbed his temples, finding it harder to remember the farther along he got. No, some other stuff had happened after that. He tried to concentrate, knowing that there was more to remember than just Terezi and Dave being disgusting and him being a fucking disgrace to trollkind. Something had happened… With someone else…

"_Best friend," Gamzee drawled out, poking his head into the respiteblock._

Bluh bluh, Gamzee had talked to him.

"_Best friend," the clown said again, closing the door behind him and moving to the couch._

Yeah yeah, they were best friends, what the fuck ever.

"_I made cupcakes."_

Gog fucking damn it!

It was hard enough to remember shit without his stupid fuckass of a moirail bothering his think pan every five seconds. It wasn't like he ever even did anything either; it was always, 'bluh bluh bluh motherfucker' this and 'miracles bluh bluh Faygo' that! 'Best friend', 'best friend', 'best friend', 'hey best motherfucking friend', 'Karbro', bluh!

It was enough to make a troll fucking insane.

Okay, fucking concentrate; Karkat had been trying to watch a classic romcom and was bawling his eyes out like a gogdamn grubfaced imbecile and Gamzee wouldn't leave him the fuck alone. After that he-

"Hey best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said, joining him in the kitchenette. "You all up and getting your drink on? That's cool motherfucker, I think I'll grab one of my wicked elixirs and-"

"Gamzee! Can I get a fucking break from you for five gogdamn seconds?" Karkat snarled, glaring up at the taller troll. "Go be annoying as fuck somewhere else! I'm kind of busy with, oh, I don't know, maybe not being a sopor brained fucknut like you. Take your 'motherfucking' Faygo and leave me. The fuck. ALONE!"

The Capricorn just stood there for a few minutes, his long, lazy smile not falling for a second during Karkat's mini-tirade. The nubby horned troll continued to glare at him, his pointed teeth bared in sheer frustration and he began to wonder if Gamzee had even fucking heard him.

"Honk. Sure thing, best friend," the taller troll said, getting a Faygo from the fridge and then turning to leave.

"Jegus fuck," Karkat muttered to himself, rolling his eyes once Gamzee left.

Taking another sip from his glass, the nubby horned troll decided that remembering whatever had caused his headache could just wait. He still pretty much felt like complete shit, but whatever had caused it clearly wasn't something permanent. No one was dead or hurt or anything, so it wasn't like whatever had happened could have been that big of a fucking deal anyway.


	18. Schoolstuck

**A/N: Make sure you vote on troll anatomy in the poll titled "Questions on Troll Anatomy: LOHAT readers only, please." You can access the poll by clicking 'forums', then 'comics', then 'Homestuck' and then 'LOHAT: Questions on Troll Anatomy'. All of your votes are completely anonymous but very valuable to me in coming up with a coherent compilation of troll biology as it relates to this fanfiction. Cannot stress this enough; if you want input on certain aspects of troll anatomy as they will be depicted in this fanfiction, please vote.**

Schoolstuck

Kanaya walked into the newly furbished hive that she now called home, carrying with her a small bag containing several fantasy books about rainbow drinkers. Now that she was actually one of them, the literature surrounding them appealed that much more to her. While she was out, she had also picked up a bookmark and a few other small things; notepads, pens, and other such bits of stationary.

Setting down her latest purchases on the bare, glass surface of the coffee table in her living room, the glowing troll sat down on the couch to unwind after a long day. It had taken a while, but she was finally beginning to settle into life back in a troll society. By the start of the next week, she'd be working in the brooding caverns as she had been dreaming for so long. She had had a bit of trouble determining which troll city held the brooding caverns, at first, and much to her chagrin she'd eventually learned that it was situated beneath a city just outside of Her Imperious Condescension's palace. Saying it was outside, though, might have been a bit too generous; the troll queen's kingdom was underwater, of course, so by being outside of it, the city was merely next to the ocean.

Kanaya still wasn't quite sure that this was the best place to live; after all, being this close to the queen meant that she was right next to the queen's lapdogs.

The subjugglators.

Seeing as the indigo blooded trolls were of the highest blood caste on the hemospectrum for land dwelling trolls, they held dominion over the other, lower blood castes. Though not nearly as impressive as Her Imperious Condescension's own palace, just next to the city over the brooding caverns was a dark, carnival-esque kingdom that boasted the largest collection of indigo blooded trolls in one place in addition to housing their leader, the Grand Highblood. It was more than a little unsettling, and the palace itself was a rainbow colored mural that served as a constant reminder just who was in charge.

For the most part, however, it appeared that the highbloods kept to themselves, but the Virgo had already seen a few of those clown worshipping indigo bloods strolling through the city she presided in. It wasn't as if she had been looking all that hard for them, but they were kind of hard to miss; full grown trolls of that blood color were much larger than other trolls. While Kanaya had been expecting this difference from Gamzee's own astonishing height, she hadn't quite been expecting them to get even bigger from there. On Alternia, she'd never actually met an indigo blooded troll before the game, so that had definitely been a bit of a disconcerting discovery.

A light buzz from her pocket disrupted Kanaya's thoughts, and she eagerly plucked out her cell phone to see who had messaged her. Perhaps it was Rose, finally answering one of the many text messages that she'd sent over the past two weeks. Her jade and black lips fell from a smile to a frown as she read the screen.

Oh… It was just Gamzee

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

HeY ThErE BiTcHtItS SiStEr. :o)  
YoU AlL Up aNd gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg sEcOnD?

- - Today 8:17 pm - -

Kanaya was half tempted to just close the phone and put it back in her pocket; she still didn't feel as comfortable around Gamzee as she did around the others, and while the sopor slime appeared to have taken effect, he still made her nervous. However, he was still a friend, to some degree, and she at least owed him the courtesy of a second of her free time.

- - You sent - -

I Am Here Gamzee  
Is Something Wrong

- - Today 8:19pm - -

There was the usual, lengthy stretch of delay until the next message, as was the norm for Gamzee's responses, and so Kanaya decided to take this moment to move to her respiteblock. Knowing the way these things usually went, the highblood was going to want to talk for more than a 'second' and she wasn't about to fiddle with texting back and forth for an entire conversation. It had been a while since she'd gotten on Trollian anyway, and maybe doing so would give her an opportunity to check on Rose. The Virgo turned on her computer, and as it began to load she felt the buzz of a new text from her pocket.

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

NoThInG LiKe tHaT ShIt mAn, nO NeEd tO GeT YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg wOrRy oN AbOuT ThAt.  
It'S AlL MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL HeRe.  
I JuSt mAyBe wAnTeD To sAy hEy tO My WiCkEd gLoWiNg sIs  
:o)  
AnD MaYbE  
TaLk aBoUt sOmEtHiNg aLl uP In mY MoThErFuCkInG ThInK PaN

- - Today 8:27pm - -

- - You sent - -

I See  
Is There Any Chance That We Could Continue This Conversation Over A Less Inconvenient Medium Then  
Perhaps We Can Discuss Whatever It Is That Is Bothering You Over Trollian

- - Today 8:28pm - -

Kanaya set the phone down on her desk and opened up her Trollian on her computer; she had upgraded from the machine she'd had in the game, and while the screen was still a hologram of sorts, it was much wider and displayed across the wall her desk was against. She couldn't help but lightly smile to herself at how she'd managed to both load up her computer and open her chat client before Gamzee had managed to text back. The sopor slime had gotten him back to his usual, lazy and relaxed state; a state that Kanaya decided suited him much better. Minutes later, he finally texted back.

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

SuRe tHiNg sIs.  
HoNk! :o)

- - Today 8:38pm - -

The rainbow drinker waited patiently, looking over the various usernames to see who was currently online. Karkat was on, of course, as he usually was, John was online as well, and-

Kanaya pursed her lips, feeling tense as her eyes locked Rose's chumhandle; the human was staying online. She watched the chumhandle for several long second, waiting to see the name flash offline once more. This happened nearly every time the Virgo logged into Trollian, and she could fathom no reason why this time would be any different. Rose did not go offline, though, and the rainbow drinker knew this might be her chance to rebuild the bridge between her and the Seer she'd forced herself to leave behind.

- - grimAuxilliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

GA: Hello There Rose  
GA: It Has Been A Long Time Since We Last Spoke

The rainbow drinker anxiously watched the chat window with baited breath hoping that, this time, her message would warrant a response. So many messages before had failed, though, and she knew that she shouldn't get her hopes up, but she couldn't bring herself to look away. She was pleasantly surprised, then, when her screen flashed with the familiar purplish pink text she'd grown to miss.

TT: If one were to be technical about it, they would point out that this hardly qualifies as speaking given the lack of use of one's mouth over this medium.  
TT: Regardless of that, I suppose I should return your salutations.  
TT: Hello Kanaya.  
GA: Though It Contains All Of The Familiar Stings I Have Grown So Accustomed To  
GA: I Must Say It Is Quite Nice To See More Fine Examples Of Your Human Sarcasm  
GA: Is It Strange To Have Missed It  
TT: I wouldn't think so, seeing as I feel the same bit of nostalgia over the phrase 'human sarcasm'.  
GA: Yes  
GA: I Suppose There Is That  
TT: Hopefully this doesn't stray too far away from our pointless conversation about sarcasm, but I'm more interested in how you're settling in.  
TT: Seeing as you are now online, would it be safe to assume that, if nothing else, you've figured out a place to live?  
GA: I Have  
GA: Though I Must Say That The Surroundings Of This Particular City Are A Bit  
GA: Perturbing  
TT: Oh?  
TT: How so?  
GA: Lets Just Say That I Am Between Hostile Sea Dwellers And Clown Worshiping Murderers  
GA: How Does That Human Saying Go  
GA: Oh  
GA: And Also A Rock Hard Place  
TT: …  
GA: Have I Said It Wrong  
TT: I'm genuinely not sure how to respond to that given the, let's just say, raunchy nature of your faux pas.  
TT: It might be a matter better answered by Dave, to be honest.  
GA: I Suppose I Should Just Drop The Question Entirely Then  
GA: The Last Time I Sought His Assistance In Providing Me With Information On An Unknown Subject I Learned A Little Bit More About Human Mating And Defecation Rituals Involving Liquid Containers Than I Had Wished To  
TT: Yes, he's very good at that.  
TT: I hope you won't think me terse, but I'm afraid I was actually just about to head out.  
TT: I'm glad to hear that you've found a place to live, though.  
TT: Really, congratulations.  
GA: Thanks  
GA: Before You Go Though  
GA: And I Hope You Wont Think This Silly But  
GA: I Will Hear From You Again  
GA: Wont I

Kanaya watched the screen, waiting for Rose's response to her last inquiry; seeing as the human hadn't been answering her texts, the Virgo was genuinely concerned about when she'd get to speak to the other again. After several moments, the purplish-pink text answered her.

TT: Yes, I certainly can't see any reason why not.  
TT: I have to go now, but I do promise we'll speak again later.  
GA: Farewell

- - grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] - -

The rainbow drinker just sat there in silence, quietly hoping that Rose would spontaneously come back online. She knew that the other wouldn't, but she just hadn't been ready for their conversation to be over so quickly. Kanaya sighed after a minute or two, finally convincing herself to close the chat window. She continued to stare at the screen, her unfaltering gaze broken only by the distraction of some strange, green substance on the back of her hand. Looking down to the substance, she realized that it was some sort of a liquid. It was a translucent, jade colored liquid that had landed there unbeknownst to her.

She was crying.

Kanaya breathed in a slow, somewhat shaky breath as she reached up to wipe away the teardrops still forming in and falling from her eyes. It appeared that, even so far away, the human still held her vascular pump in the palm of her hand. This was for the best, though, she told herself.

She would only get hurt again.

It would only end in heartache.

Trying to regain her composure, the Virgo was both surprised and a bit confused by a sudden message from Gamzee on her Trollian. It took her a second, but she finally remembered that his asking for her help had been what prompted her to log on in the first place. It had taken him so long to come online that she'd completely forgotten. Her own feelings would just have to be dealt with later; she had told the taller troll she would help him.

- - terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] - -

TC: HeY ThErE SiS :o)  
TC: HoNk!  
GA: Yes  
GA: Hello Gamzee  
GA: Now What Exactly Was It That You Wanted To Talk About  
TC: AlL Up aNd gEtTiNg rIgHt tO ThE MoThErFuCkInG PoInT,  
TC: LiKe a sNeAkY LaUgHsAsSiN GeTtInG YoUr sHiT SeT To HaRsHwHiMsy!  
TC: HoNk hOnK!  
GA: I Apologize  
GA: At Least  
GA: That Sounds Like Something That I Should Apologize For  
TC: NaH MaN, DoN't eVeN GeT YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg wOrRy oN AbOuT ThAt.  
TC: It'S AlL GoOd, yOu gOt sHiT To dO, WoRk wItH ThOsE GrUbS AnD GlOwInG.  
TC: HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn mOtHeRfUcKiNg wOrK?  
TC: It'S SoMe kInD Of mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcLes.  
GA: Gamzee I Am Sure This Is A Lovely Train Of Thought  
GA: But What Did You Need  
TC: Oh sHiT, I AlMoSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg fOrGoT :o)  
TC: HoNk!

Kanaya decided to wait a few minutes, hoping that if perhaps she didn't interject the highblood would remember and get to the point. She was now feeling more than a little bit drained and was regretting agreeing to talk with the taller troll about his problem. Five minutes later, though, it appeared that Gamzee was perfectly content leaving his last statement at that.

Alright, perhaps just a little bit of meddling in the right direction.

GA: So  
GA: What Is This About  
TC: WeLl yOu sEe, iT's mOtHeRfUcKiNg lIkE ThIs.  
TC: …  
TC: It'S AbOuT KaRkAt

* * *

Dave sat on the couch, one arm lazily draped around Terezi's shoulders as he clicked through the various channels on the television. It was pretty early in the morning, morning being about twelve in the afternoon, and he and his troll-girlfriend-matesprit-whatever the fuck trolls called shit were both still in their pajamas. They had gone out to a local club the night prior, and Dave would probably be pretty tired and hung over.

You know.

If he wasn't so busy being fucking awesome.

The club had been pretty decent and its beats were reasonably sick and tight. The music wasn't nearly as good as anything Dave could have composed in his sleep but, whatever, it was cool. Recently, the Knight had been contemplating gracing them with his amazing DJ skills, but that kind of sounded like a lot of work and he wasn't sure it'd be worth the effort.

Thoughts of clubbing and busting out some sweet beats were abandoned as Jade popped out of her room, fully dressed and carrying her laptop with her. She seemed to be dressed up very professionally today, wearing a long black skirt and a nice, button up blue blouse. As usual, she had a big, buck toothed grin and a hat; an accessory that, as of recent, she'd been using in many different forms to cover up her Becsprite ears. Jade set her laptop down on the bar top, but then proceeded to walk over to them. Dave raised a curious eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses, and Terezi merely returned the human's smile with her own, pointy one.

"Morning you two!" she said chipperly.

"Sup," Dave said coolly.

"Heheh, you smell like smooth, fancy clothes," Terezi said, sniffing in Jade's direction. "Where are you going?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Jade answered. "I was actually going to head down to the university near here to get finalized in enrollment. I'm going to study botany!"

"Whoa, like, plants and shit?" Dave asked.

"Exactly like plants and shit!" the Witch giggled.

"Wait, there's a university near here?"

"Yup! It's actually one of the largest interspecies schools in the country. Granted, there don't appear to be that many… But still! I'm very excited about it."

"Interspecies?" Terezi said, now showing an uncharacteristic level of interest. "So it's a school for trolls too? With troll studies?"

"Um… Yes, I believe so," Jade said tentatively, looking a bit confused.

Terezi got up from the couch suddenly, hands on either side of her face as she excitedly began to pace. Dave watched her move back and forth, wondering why exactly she gave a shit about something like human-troll school.

"Jade, could you take me with you to the university?" Terezi said, beaming at the human.

"Oh! Of course, I don't see why not," Jade said excitedly. "You'll have to get dressed though, first impressions are always the most important!"

The human didn't have to tell Terezi twice, and the blind troll rushed off to her room to hurry up and get ready. Jade giggled at the blind troll's enthusiasm, and she glanced over to Dave who still seemed to be trying to figure out what had just happened on the couch.

"I wasn't aware others would be interested!" Jade said. "Dave, what about you? Would you like to join us on this pursuit of higher education?"

The Knight looked up at Jade, silently pondering over this new development. Terezi certainly seemed excited about the idea, for whatever reason. Probably wanted to study to be that weird murder-lawyer thing she was always talking about. He guessed it would be kind of cool to go to college, sick parties and shit; maybe he could get some fancy ass degree to start his own record label or make movies or something.

Oh man, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff would be such a badass movie.

Maybe even a series of movies.

"Yeah, alright, I guess I'll go too," Dave said, casually getting up and heading to his own room. "Fuck, let's all go down and learn shit. Did you mention this to Rose? She's all about being smarter than everyone else."

"Oh… Well…" Jade said, frowning as she went over to gather up her laptop. "I don't think that now would be the best time…"

Dave stopped, turning towards the other and raising an eyebrow over the rim of his glasses once more. That was the most cool dudes did to let you know they were interested in what you just said.

"Why not? Is she still upset over glow-in-the-dark troll leaving or something?"

"There's a bit more to it than that," Jade said, leaning against the bar top. "But yes, that kind of sums it up. Kanaya messaged her while she was away from the computer making a fresh cup of tea. She just hadn't been prepared for it and I think it really upset her."

"Bummer. Alright, well, I still think she'd be interested. We'll tell her about it later."

"Right."

Dave went into his and John's room, closing the door behind him and heading towards the closet. The Heir was currently sitting on his bed, nerding away on his laptop like he usually was. He smiled at Dave as he entered the room, but then went back to basically just being a huge dork. The Knight didn't put much thought into what he was going to wear. He wasn't about to get all fussed up or some shit, fuck that, he'd just wear jeans and his shirt with the broken record on it. Digging through his closet and eventually retrieving said shirt, he threw his pajama top aside and pulled it on.

"Hey, John," he said to the other, pulling out the first pair of jeans he saw. "Me, Jade and Terezi are going to go to school apparently. Want to come with?"

"School?" John asked, a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Yeah, you know, that place you go to learn how to not ask stupid shit," Dave teased, shimmying out of his pajama pants and kicking them off to join his shirt. "Jade found some troll-human university. We're going to go check it out. School's still pretty much for chumps, but college kids are always up to some delirious biz-nasty awesome shit."

"I don't know Dave, I kind of don't really miss school," John said, adjusting to sit up taller. "Besides, since when are you all about book smarts?"

"Eg-derp, it's not like you're signing away your soul or anything like that," the Knight said, rolling his eyes and zipping up his jeans. "Terezi and Jade are all excited about it, figured I'd see if it's that big a deal. What, a badass bro can't ask his cool-challenged friend if he wants to join in on this escapade? My bad, sorry some of my awesomeness almost rubbed off on you."

"Oh… Okay, well then, I guess I'll go too," John said, closing up his laptop. "I wasn't doing much anyway. Hey, do you think they have classes on ectobiology? That'd be totally sweet!"

"Yeah, sure John," Dave snickered. "I'm sure that they definitely have classes on that completely not real thing."

"Haha! Shut up dude! They might…"

"Whatever, come on then."

"Wait, just Jade and Terezi?"

"Yeah dude."

"What about Rose?"

"Rose is all depressed and shit, we're going to mention it to her later."

"Okay but… What about Karkat and Gamzee?"

"No, man, fuck no. Yelling midget and psycho clown aren't coming with us."

"Aww, why not? They aren't even that bad. Besides, I thought you and Gamzee had those sweet rap offs."

"Yeah, he also flipped his shit and killed a bunch of people- Trolls, whatever, when I showed him that shitty ICP video. Fuck that, crazy dudes flipping their shit don't get to go adventuring to college with us."

"Well… I'm going to invite them."

"No dude, I'm telling you, don't do it."

"I'm going to do it!" John said, making an over exaggerated movement towards the door.

"You're bluffing so badly it's almost pathetic."

"No no, I'm seriously going to do it! And Karkat will probably kidnap your alien girlfriend! Haha!"

"Tch, no way man. That troll is all over me like the red on that chalk she's always eating."

"Uh huh, sure… Well then, in that case, you shouldn't mind if I invite Karkat!"

"God damn it John, I'm telling you-"

"Dave! I invited Karkat and Gamzee, they're coming with us!" came Jade's voice from somewhere else in the apartment-stem. "Do you know where the number for that taxi service is?"

John didn't bother to bite back laughter as the Knight facepalmed at this revelation. Apparently, much to Dave's frustration, they _were_ all going to go down and learn shit.

Whoopdee fucking doo.


	19. B3ST D4Y 3V3R!

B3ST D4Y 3V3R!

This was so.

Fucking.

Stupid.

Karkat's hands were buried deep into the confines of the pockets of his hoodie, sharp teeth angrily digging into his bottom lip. He really didn't want to be at this stupid human schoolhive thing; it was stupid and pretty much horrible in every possible way. The nubby horned troll tried to remember what the hell had been going through his think pan when he'd agreed to go with the others as he shuffled along.

What in the fuck had he been thinking?

"_What's the matter Karkles? Worried you're not up our level of intelligence?" Terezi snickered, smiling a sharp, toothy grin at him._

"_Fuck you! I didn't say I wasn't going, I just said it sounded incredibly fucking stupid!" Karkat snapped back. "I'm way smarter than any human fuckass schoolhive. I could get all of the degrees in less than a sweep. Not that I'd even put forth any sort of fucking attempt to do that; even thinking of it makes me kind of hate myself a little more. Talk about an astronomical waste of time; I'm only going to see just how stupid it fucking is okay?"_

Gog fucking damn it.

It hurt him to just be around her and she _still_ had him wrapped around her vestigial fourth digit without even trying.

The group of six had been walking about the university grounds for a little over an hour now, after having gone through the arduous process of filling out stack after stack of paperwork. Getting Jade finished up had been the easiest as she had already done a majority of the work online at home. Next had been Terezi who, shocking to no one, had signed up for as many classes as they allowed her to take in one semester to start on her path of becoming a legislacerator. There were only two unrelated classes she'd signed up for; Mixed Medium Art and Human and Troll Sexuality. Karkat didn't want to think about the second one, but apparently she and Dave both planned to take the first together. The Knight of Time was fast behind her, signing up for a bunch of classes that sounded like a load of human horsebeast shit as far as Karkat was concerned; Mixed Medium Art was included, but Dave had passed on the Human and Troll Sexuality course.

The nubby horned troll hadn't initially planned to sign up for anything, but after some goading and teasing from the wonderfuck twins, he'd ended up enrolling in four classes; Strife and Abscond 101, Select Studies in Troll Romance, Alternian History and… Mixed Medium Art. He didn't really want to waste his time on the last one; art was for big stupid babies who pooped hard in their diapers. The other three classes were decent, he guessed, but the last one was purely to keep an eye on Dave and Terezi.

He hadn't been in the least bit surprised when John had been talked into taking classes with either Jade or Dave in them; Egbert was a real pushover. What had surprised him, though, was that Gamzee had also signed up for classes as well. The Capricorn had also decided on four courses and, despite much protesting from a grumpy, short troll, his schedule almost exactly matched Karkat's own. There was only one real difference; instead of Alternian History, the highblood had elected to take Human and Troll Sexuality with Terezi.

Again, the Cancer really didn't want to think about that one.

Karkat bit back his grumbling, keeping his pace just fast enough so that he didn't lose sight of Terezi and Dave being all flirty and stupid, but just slow enough so that they didn't notice he was watching him. Equius' disgusting sunglasses were on his face (like fuck he'd ever forget them again), and they helped to conceal his unwavering red eyed glare.

Just seeing them laughing and playing together was like Jack's knife thrust right into his vascular pump. It hurt more than the torturous hands of the highbloods that now plagued his horror terrors; the two of them being all flirty with each other was an ache that never left his thoughts. He'd think of Terezi and he'd feel that horrible mixture of pain and depression; he'd think of Dave and the furnace of a hatred he'd never felt so strongly before would churn in his nutrition sack. If it were anyone else, he'd almost think his feelings were caliginous; however, his hate for the human who'd stolen the troll of his dreams was a hatred that transcended definition. He silently vowed that he would get Terezi back, and then he'd wring Strider's stupid fucking neck for even talking to her.

The nubby horned troll's blood boiled as he silently raged at the unaware human, and he'd hardly even felt the slight vibration of his phone in his pants pocket. Whoever it was could just fucking wait; he was in no mood to deal with anyone's bullshit right now.

"Where the fuck are we even going?" he snapped, directing his fury at Jade who was out in front of them.

"Hush up Karkat," Jade answered, rolling her eyes. "I'm just trying to get my bearings for where all my classes are."

"And then mine!" Terezi said excitedly, sniffing over the paper the office human had handed her.

"What about my classes?" the nubby horned troll huffed.

"What about them?"

"This is so fucking stupid," Karkat growled. "We already spent forever in that stupid office surrounded by fuckass humans and snooty trolls. Why can't we just leave already?"

"You don't have to stick with us, if you want to wander off them go ahead," Jade offered with a shrug. "You and Gamzee have the same classes-"

"Yeah, don't fucking remind me."

"Honk!" Gamzee piped in, lazily staring at his schedule.

"Shut your fucking trap."

"Anyway… Why don't you two go find them and we'll meet back up with you when we're ready to go?"

Karkat was silent now, mulling this suggestion over in his think pan. On the one hand, he really didn't want to leave Dave and Terezi alone to be all close and stupid; on the other, his being there wasn't really going to stop them. Besides, they were walking around the university with these fuckasses, so it wasn't like there was much a chance for them to slip away on their own or something. Also, though he'd never admit it out loud, he was a bit curious and anxious to see where his classes were and what they were like.

But if he left, he'd have to babysit his psycho moirail.

The Cancer spared a quick glance up to Gamzee who was staring back at him for some reason. It was kind of fucking weird, even with his usual not-insane-just-really-high glazed over expression. He flipped off the taller troll who returned the gesture with a happy 'honk' before turning his attention back to his schedule.

Would it really be that bad to just stick it out and wait for these fuckasses?

"Okay, so, Dave," John said, a big buck toothed grin on his face.

"What?"

"Do you know want to know why I didn't take chemistry?"

"Uh, sure dude. Why not?"

"Well, I just thought I'd be a little… Out of my element!"

Oh fuck that, he was so out of here.

Karkat grabbed Gamzee's wrist and stormed off, shouting and growling expletives as he hurried away; he was not about to serve audience to John's stupid fucking puns. Keeping an eye on a mentally unstable annoying as fuck giant who thought he was a clown was much less ridiculous.

"Come on, let's fucking get this over with," he snapped. "And don't walk off or something stupid. Just stay with me okay fuckass?"

"Honk!"

* * *

Indigo eyes studied Karkat's hand; a hand that seemed so much motherfucking smaller than Gamzee's own. The nubby horned troll's grasp was a little too tight around the Capricorn's wrist, but he didn't all up and mind.

Ever since that one night when they had chilled together, Gamzee had been feeling a little… Differently towards his moirail. As far as he could motherfucking tell, nothing had changed with Karkat, though, so it was kind of confusing to him. The taller troll had had quite a lot of slime that night, but he had far from forgotten a single detail about what had happened.

What he couldn't quite get his knowing all up and figuring out was _why_ it had happened.

He had messaged his wicked glowing sister about it, but her advice hadn't really been all that helpful to him. Not quite sure of what to do next, though, and knowing that Kanaya worked all kinds of miracles with this shit, he'd decided to at least give her suggestion a chance. He had decided this several days ago, but his think pan was having a real hard time coming up with a motherfucking plan to go about it. After all, his bitchtits moirail didn't seem to remember a single motherfucking thing about kissing him, and that kind of put him in an awkward place. It really harshed his motherfucking chill to deal with this shit, so his attempts at planning would usually end up with him deciding to do nothing. Every decision concluded the same way; wait for another miracle from the mirthful messiahs.

And that was just what he was going to motherfucking do.

Now here they were in this strange human-troll schoolhive thing, all signed up to get their motherfucking learning on. One snippet of Kanaya's advice had paid off in this latest development; she had suggested he try to spend more time with his moirail. Needless to say, when Karkat had decided to leave and get schoolfed, Gamzee had been right behind him. The only thing he hadn't been too keen on was that class on Alternian History. Such a class would inevitably lead to talks about the blood caste; something he wasn't feeling too motherfucking chill with lately.

A vision of Karkat's bloodied, battered form failed to make it to the forefront of Gamzee's think pan, and it ended up pushed to the back of his thoughts instead. It was still there, though, and the highblood still had his remembering on about what went down.

Man, he could really use a motherfucking pie right now.

The Capricorn shook his head slightly, trying to keep his focus on where he was going. It wasn't like he had to walk all that fast or anything; the vast height difference between himself and Karkat meant his long strides more than compensated for the Cancer's familiar, hurried pace. Still, he was a little motherfucking curious about where his classes were and what was in them.

Especially that Sexuality class.

He couldn't help it; the subject was a tricky little motherfucking miracle that no one really liked to talk about, so having a whole class about it just seemed like an awesome motherfucking idea. On top of that, his blind little sis was going to be taking the course too; it was going to be such a mirthful time.

"Hey, fuckass," Karkat snapped, effectively tearing the clown from his thoughts.

"Honk?"

"Jegus fuck, 'honk' isn't a question. Whatever, who gives a steaming pile of wet vomit. Are you that fucking sopored out of your think pan that you didn't hear what I said?"

"Whoa, sorry… I all up and motherfucking zoned out there best friend," Gamzee answered, lazily smiling down at him. "What'd you say?"

"I said we're going to the stupid fucking art thing first because, according to the directory, it's closest. Then to Alternian History, then the romance class, and apparently the Strife and Abscond class is in a human 'gymnasium' way on the other fucking side of the campus so, yeah. Fuck you very much for that schoolhive."

"Sounds motherfucking good to me bro," Gamzee answered with a shrug.

"And don't even ask about that weird as fuck class you signed up for. You can find that shit on your own."

"Sure thing, best friend."

The shorter troll finally released Gamzee's wrist and pulled open the door of a building they'd apparently walked to. A bit confused once more, the Capricorn looked around to try and get his remembering on for when he'd gotten all the way over here. They seemed to have walked a great distance away from where they'd split off from the others, but it hadn't seemed like they'd been walking all that long.

In his distraction with figuring out how they'd gotten here, Gamzee had stopped following the shorter troll. Karkat hadn't appeared to notice right away, but after a few minutes he came back out with a scowl on his face.

"It's like watching a fucking homicidal human wiggler," the Cancer growled, reaching for Gamzee's wrist once more.

Gamzee had looked over once the nubby horned troll had begun speaking, and he managed to see Karkat's hand reaching for his wrist before it made contact. Acting more on sopor-coated reflexes than on any feasible train of thought, the taller troll took advantage of the movement and grabbed the smaller hand in his own. It took him a second to process what he'd just done, and his indigo eyes tried to focus on his and Karkat's intermingled hands. The two of them stood there, still in that moment; each confused for their own reasons.

Karkat's hand was softer than Gamzee would have thought, and the difference in size compared to his own made it feel like his hand was swallowing up the Cancer's smaller appendage. It was so motherfucking adorable, and Gamzee realized with little surprise that he'd be happy just standing there holding his moirail's hand all day. It was kind of hard for him to explain it; it just felt like his vascular pump dropped this weird motherfucking beat all the sudden and gave him a serious case of some mirthful harshwhimzys. It kind of reminded him of when he and Karbro had been kissing that one night; it was the same motherfucking feeling.

Gamzee couldn't all up and tell you why if you asked him; but the word 'miracle' probably would have been tossed around several times.

"Knock it off," Karkat grumbled, easily pulling his hand out of the other's grasp. "Just come on fuckass."

Gamzee's smile faltered for only a second before slipping back into place, and he silently followed Karkat inside. A bro could really get some serious mirth around his wicket moirail; the only downside was that that wicked vascular pump beat never lasted very long. It was all motherfucking good though; it was just another little miracle from his mirthful messiahs. Maybe later he'd shoot a quick prayer and some special stardust to ask for a longer miracle next time. Or maybe, just maybe he'd ask for something else.

Maybe he'd pray that his Karbro would just…

Maybe… Feel that same miracle around him.

A bro could motherfucking dream, anyway.

* * *

- - You sent - -

Did You Receive My Previous Message Karkat  
I Am Sure That You Are Busy With Your Own Endeavors  
Jade Had Mentioned Something About A SchoolHive In Her Last Message  
Whenever You Have A Moment Though  
If You Could Spare A Few Minutes

- - Today 4:17pm - -

The rainbow drinker read over her last message to Karkat; a message she had sent several hours ago. Due to his usual, ornery nature, though, it wasn't all that uncommon for him to be delayed in his responses. She was trying not to be pushy on the matter, but her curiosity had been plaguing her think pan for days now.

_GA: I Would Also Believe That Trying To Spend More Time With Him Would Be Wise  
GA: However If He Truly Does Not Recall The Events From That Night Then Wouldnt The Best Course Of Action Be To Take The More Pedestrian Route Of Merely Speaking With Him On The Matter  
TC: ShIt, i dOn'T EvEn gOt mY MoThErFuCkInG KnOw oN SiS :o(  
TC: I'm nOt tOo sUrE AbOuT AlL ThIs…  
GA: Which Is Precisely Why You Should Talk With Him  
GA: You Are Still Moirails  
GA: Are You Not  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG YeS :o)  
TC: ThAt's mY BeSt fRiEnD! Honk!  
GA: And If I Recall Correctly  
GA: Shouldnt One Speak With Their Moirail About Everything  
TC: … :o(  
GA: Even If The Subject Is About The Potential Possibility Of Developing More Flushed Feelings For Him  
TC: ShIiIiIt… I DoN't mOtHeRfUcKiNg kNoW.  
GA: Well That Is What I Believe You Should Do  
GA: Do As You Please But If You Will Pardon Me I Am Actually Feeling Quite A Bit Drained At This Very Moment  
TC: YoU Go cAtCh sOmE WiCkEd z'S SiS. :o)  
TC: ThAnKs fOr tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg aDvIcE.  
TC: HoNk!  
TC: Oh, oNe mOrE ThInG…  
GA: Yes What Is It  
TC: YoU WoN't tElL KaRbRo aNy oF ThIs, rIgHt?  
TC: OuR MoThErFuCkInG SeCrEt?  
TC: ;o)  
GA: I Guess I Should Just Take That As Confirmation That You Wont Be Taking My Advice  
TC: HoNk hOnk!  
GA: Very Well  
GA: Consider Me Fully Versed On The Matter Of Secrets_

_- - grimAuxilliatrix [GA] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] - -_

Kanaya's claw tapped impatiently on the table next to her, a slight purse to her black lips as she remembered the conversation. She hadn't heard from Gamzee since, and her conversations with Karkat hadn't much indicated that the Capricorn had said anything to him. Finally able to take no more, the Virgo had succumbed to her auspistice tendencies and decided to delicately hint at the matter with Karkat.

This wait for his response, however, was absolutely maddening.

Deciding she wasn't going to be getting any answer from her cellular device, the troll finally decided to plug it in and hit the recuperacoon. She'd finally begun work in the brooding caverns, and this had been her first day of respite since then. It was only when she'd stopped that she'd realized just how truly exhausting the work was. It was rewarding, of course; tending to newly hatched grubs and getting them ready and on their way for the dangerous trials, and she really was happy but… She still felt like something was missing.

Or… Someone.

Kanaya shook her head free of these thoughts; it was far too late and she was far too tired to be getting all depressed over a human girl. She was going to climb into that nice, warm sopor slime and catch up on some much needed sleep.

* * *

- - KARKAT sent - -

FUCK, SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING EARLIER.  
THIS WHOLE DAY HAS JUST BEEN COMPLETELY STUPID AND A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.  
YEAH, I GOT YOUR LAST MESSAGE I WAS JUST BUSY CLOWN SITTING MY PSYCHO FUCKASS MOIRAIL.  
HE'S NOT CRAZY THOUGH, I SWEAR, JUST HIGH ALL THE TIME.  
SURPRISE FUCKING SURPRISE.  
WHATEVER, I'M TIRED.  
I'LL FUCKING TALK TO YOU TOMORROW OR WHENEVER YOU ANSWER THIS SHIT.

- - Today 1:29am - -


	20. MoIrAiL ZoNeD

**A/N: Alright, so, lots of stuff to announce (unfortunately) which means another lovely author's note. :D I'll try to be brief. -_- List format is best. UNDERLINED SHIT IS IMPORTANT!**

**- Tumblr: So, no spoilers or nothing, but we are slowly beginning to approach the point where shit's going to get all kinds of inappropriate with the story. I've decided to keep posting the chapters regardless, but this means that when said chapters containing questionable material come into play, there is the very real possibility that LOHAT could be spontaneously taken down. The censorship whip is being cracked a lot around here lately, and while I'm going to unwisely ignore it, I've formulated (with the help of a few awesome readers. :3) several backup plans. The one pertaining most immediately is that, if/when LOHAT is forced down, chapter updates will continue on the tumblr made specifically for LOHAT. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU HAVEN'T FOLLOWED IT YET YOU MIGHT WANT TO JUST IN CASE IT BECOMES THE MAIN SPOT FOR THE STORY. I've put in my shit for ao3, but seeing as it takes forever it had been given the title of, 'eventual plan B but for now going to be called plan C'. IN SHORT...  
*****FOLLOW THE TUMBLR********* landofhumansandtrolls . tumblr . com *****REMOVE THE SPACES FROM THAT*****  
**

******- Poll: *****THE POLL FOR READERS TO GIVE THEIR INPUT ON TROLL ANATOMY WILL BE CLOSING SHORTLY***** That poll again is titled ****LOHAT: Questions on Troll Anatomy **** . **

**********- Poll Notes: Also, while the poll itself is blind, I personally can see how many of you have voted and what the results are. To sum it up, there have only been 22 votes. -_- I greatly appreciate those of you who have voted, thanks for yer input. :D And while it's entirely possible that the rest of you (not playing the numbers game, but let's just say there's quite a bit more than 22) following the story genuinely don't care how the smutty bits are depicted, I would like anyone and everyone who'd like to see their personal preferences in terms of troll-sexytiemz to VOTE. DO IT. RIGHT NOW. STOP THINKING, STOP READING. WHY ARE YOU READING? GO VOTE. BEFORE THE POLL CLOSES. IF YOU CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT, MESSAGE ME. I'M SUPER NICE, I PROMISE. I WILL WALK YOU THROUGH THIS. TOGETHER, WE CAN GET ME TO SHUT UP AND POST THE RESULTS.**

**********- INCENTIVES: *****WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, BRIBE. IF A SATISFACTORY AMOUNT OF YOU PEOPLE READING THIS VOTE AND FOLLOW THE TUMBLR, THE NEXT UPDATE WILL CONSIST OF TWO CHAPTERS. USUAL LENGTH AND EVERYTHING*******

**********-And as always: You guys rock. :) Thanks for making my days happy and giving me motivation to keep on writing!**

**********NOW ENJOY CHAPTER 20, THERE ARE SO MANY FEELS. SO MANY.**

**********~ Xotx**

MoIrAiL ZoNeD

The plain, black and white clock ticked by on the wall; it was about two minutes slow, if one were comparing it to the digital timekeeping of a cell phone. Karkat had no interested in such a task, of course, so he merely watched the clock for a few seconds and absentmindedly tapped his pen to match the ticks. The nubby horned troll was in his last class at the end of the first school week, and the context left him feeling even more unfocused than usual. He already had several assignments due the following week, so he wasn't quite sure why he was in such a hurry to get back to the apartment-stem.

His eyes shifted from the clock to the board, the naturally bright red hue of his irises masked with lime green contact lenses. Some of his professors were fucking control freaks that refused to just let him wear the disgusting, cracked glasses of his deceased, sweaty friend. A new solution had been in order, and Kanaya had suggested he invest in human contact lenses. They had been a pain in the fucking ass to get in at first, but now the Cancer only noticed them when he thought about it too much. Even then, a few blinks would usually rectify the situation and he'd go back to ignoring the things in his eyes. Remembering Kanaya, now, Karkat closed his eyes and thought back on their last strange, cryptic conversation.

_- - carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxilliatrix [GA] - -_

_CG: ALRIGHT KANAYA, I'M ON TROLLIAN. WHAT THE FUCK IS SO IMPORTANT?  
GA: Well Nothing Really  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Nothing So Incredibly Important That It Warrants Any Time That Would Be Better Spent On Something More Worthwhile  
GA: It Is More Of An Inquiry I Suppose  
CG: OKAY, THANKS FOR THE FUCKING CLARIFICATION. IT'S SO FUCKING CLEAR NOW.  
CG: WHAT DID YOU WANT TO ASK ME THAT COULDN'T JUST BE ASKED ON THOSE STUPID COMPUTER PHONE THINGS?  
GA: Lets See  
GA: I Guess I Should Start Out With At Least An Attempt At A Tactful Approach  
CG: TACTFUL APPROACH?  
CG: QUIT BEING SUCH A FLIGHTY BROAD AND JUST TELL ME.  
CG: GOG, I SWEAR. I'M PERPETUALLY NOOK DEEP IN UPPITY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHIT.  
CG: YOU, TEREZI, LALONDE  
CG: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT LATER, BY THE WAY.  
GA: I Understand  
GA: Sorry I Shall Try To Be Less Snarky In My Horseshit  
CG: FUCKING FINALLY!  
GA: How Are Things  
CG: JEGUS FUCK, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT!  
CG: JUST GET TO THE FUCKING POINT. THEN WE CAN TALK ABOUT EVERY LITTLE VESTIGIAL LUMP OF TRIVIAL AND COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT THING IN PARADOX SPACE.  
CG: PLEASE, HUMAN EARTH PLEASE, JUST OUT WITH IT.  
GA: Very Well  
GA: For The Sake Of Brevity I Shall Cease My Friendly Pleasantries As Well  
CG: AGAIN  
CG: FUCKING FINALLY!  
GA: How Are Things Between You And Gamzee  
CG: WHAT? THAT'S THE BIG FUCKING QUESTION?  
CG: THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE BEING SO DODGY ABOUT?  
CG: JEGUS KANAYA.  
CG: EVERYTHING IS FINE, HE'S NOT PSYCHO, NO ONE'S DEAD, WE'RE ALL HAVING A HAPPY FUN FUCKFEST OVER HERE IN THE LAND OF HAPPY SHITHEADS.  
GA: While I Am Glad As Always To Hear This  
GA: It Is Not Exactly What I Meant  
CG: OH  
CG: WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THEN?  
CG: WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO KEEP TABS ON WITH THAT FUCKASS?  
GA: So You Are Telling Me Nothing At All Has Changed With Him  
GA: Or Rather  
GA: Nothing Has Changed Between You Two  
CG: NO, I STILL PRETTY MUCH PUT UP WITH HIS STUPID CLOWN BULLSHIT ON A DAILY BASIS.  
CG: WHATEVER, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR RIGHT?  
CG: THEY'RE THE MAGICAL PART OF LIFE THAT MAKES EVERY TROLL WANT TO SHOVE A SICKLE DOWN HIS CHITNOUS WINDHOLE WHILE A THRESHCUTIONER REVELS IN HIS DYING FITS OF ANGER.  
GA: I See  
CG: YES, EVERYTHING IS SO UNDERSTANDABLE NOW; KANAYA HAS ALL THE CLARITY.  
CG: GAMZEE'S INSANE CLOWN ASS IS CALMED THE FUCK DOWN  
CG: AND SHALL CONTINUE TO BE FOR AS LONG AS I'M TETHERED TO THIS GROUP OF FUCKASS IDIOTS  
GA: So It Would Appear  
CG: THAT' S WHY YOU ASKED, RIGHT?  
CG: WAIT  
CG: IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON HERE?  
GA: ?  
CG: GOG DAMN IT, THERE IS ISN'T THERE?  
CG: YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME SOMETHING!  
GA: I Am Afraid I Must Take My Departure  
CG: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!  
GA: It Is Time For Me To Begin My Trek Down To The Brooding Caverns  
CG: KANAYA! FUCKING ANSWER ME!  
GA: I Will Talk With You Later_

_- - grimAuxilliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] - -_

_CG: KANAYA!  
CG: GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!  
CG: GOG DAMN IT._

Karkat opened his eyes, seeing but largely ignoring the notes on healthy and unhealthy moirallegiances being scribbled across the board.

He had tried to text Kanaya several times after that frustrating as fuck conversation, but she had completely ignored him; typical flighty broad behavior. No matter how much he thought it over, though, he just couldn't figure out what might possibly be important enough to ask about with Gamzee. The troll was a psycho, clown worshiping potentially homicidal ball of highblood insanity who sometimes said 'honk' and was basically a giant.

What else was there to know?

That aside, at the moment Karkat was feeling a strange, intangible pressure beginning to bore its way into the back of his head. It was almost as if someone was…

Turning to confront the unseen presence, the Cancer's frown deepened as he caught Gamzee's dopey expression lazily smiling back at him. Karkat scowled at his moirail, flipping him off for good measure, and was even more irritated when the taller troll's smile widened. Gamzee seemed to get the message, however, as he did look away, but the whole thing had still been annoying as fuck.

Karkat rolled his eyes and slumped over in his chair, facing forward once more. The Capricorn had been doing shit like that a lot lately; randomly staring at him or following him places. That coupled with Kanaya's conversation a while ago only cemented the fact into the nubby horned troll's brain.

They were hiding something.

They were hiding something and, whatever it was, Karkat was going to fucking find out.

* * *

Indigo eyes leisurely traced over all the curves and angles of Karkat's small, delicate looking body that could be seen through his baggy clothing. The smooth, gentle arc of his back was the easiest to see with his usual, terrible posture. It went down to his backside whose shape was concealed between the denying, bunched up anonymity of his pants and the rigid, plastic seat of his chair. Moving up from there, Gamzee looked to the grey skin that made up the stretch of Karkat's neck as it poked through from the stray bits of messy black hair sloppily covering it. If the Capricorn thought about it for a few seconds, and could keep focus for that long, he could still remember how soft that neck felt against his lips.

The taller troll didn't get the chance to focus that long, though, as false-green eyes suddenly stared back at him with their usual hint of annoyance. He'd been caught checking his motherfucking moirail out, but it wasn't even that big of a thing.

Not like it was the first time it had happened or anything.

Gamzee looked away from Karkat and true to fashion, as much as he could remember from all the other times, the Cancer brushed the incident off and went about his business. The Capricorn couldn't explain exact details for all the times this had happened before; remembering was kind of motherfucking tricky. What he did know, though, was that this sort of thing had been kind of happening a lot lately.

Ever since classes had started, for some reason, Gamzee had been noticing Karkat in a much different way than he had before. It was more than just that strange feeling he got around the Cancer now; it was… Some other motherfucking thing. Everything was still the same as far as he could tell, but something about the nubby horned troll just looked unusual from what he all up and remembered. Now and then, just like a few motherfucking seconds ago, Gamzee would start staring at something on Karkat and next thing he knew he was getting his motherfucking zone on. He couldn't help it; that adorable little Karbro motherfucker was just so miraculous looking for some reason.

Fortunately for him, the Cancer seemed to be perfectly content brushing him and anything he did off all the time. He still hadn't talked to Karkat about what happened so many nights ago with them kissing; it just never felt like the right motherfucking time to bring it up. Those weird feelings, though, hadn't gone away despite being largely pushed under the rug; in fact, they almost seemed to intensify. Gamzee had also been learning lots of shit from the Human and Troll Sexuality course, and that really hadn't been making things a whole lot easier for him. He'd be all up and motherfucking getting his study on reading the textbook, when suddenly he'd up and start thinking about Karkat in weird ways.

In the kind of motherfucking ways that moirails aren't suppose to be thinking about each other.

The flash of a screen lighting up on his desk eventually caught Gamzee's attention, but it took him a few seconds to figure out what had happened. He eventually got his think pan up and remembering though; it meant that his phone had gotten a new text. Apparently, school-hive bros weren't all motherfucking chill with cell phones getting their noise on and shit, so he'd been putting his ringing bro on silent lately. It was still taking him some getting used to, but he was sure he'd soon be answering bitchtits trolls and humans like all kinds of miraculous harshwhimsys.

Only no.

Not that bitchtits troll.

Gamzee covered the phone's screen with his hand, slowly sliding it closer to him to get a better look. He knew it was from her; she had been texting him all the motherfucking time about this shit going on with him being confused about Karbro. Seeing as he still hadn't done anything, though, he'd been avoiding the topic by simply ignoring all of her texts and messages on Trollian. Gamzee silently read over the text and felt his long smile shorten as he realized this strategy had just been forced to an abrupt end.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Gamzee I Cannot Keep Silent On This Matter Anymore  
Karkat Has Been Messaging And Texting Me Almost Nonstop  
He Seems To Realize Something Is Being Kept From Him  
And It Feels Wrong To Just Pretend I Am Not Withholding Information  
If You Dont Say Something To Him  
I Will

- - Today 2:37pm - -

* * *

Alright, that text had been a tad bit on the pushy side, but Kanaya didn't care.

This clearly required her to meddle the slightest bit more.

Drastic measures, at the cost of pleasantries and courtesies, had to be taken.

Besides… Karkat _had_ told her to cut the 'flighty broad snarky horseshit'.

* * *

Gamzee held the phone in his lap, half-assedly shielding it from the professor's sight with the desk as he tapped out an answer to Kanaya's text.

- - You sent - -

No sIs :o(  
DoN't aLl uP AnD Do tHaT.

- - Today 2:41pm - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

If You Do Not Wish For Me To Tell Karkat  
Then You Must Promise To Talk To Him  
You Seem To Want To  
So Why You Are Postponing It Is A Mystery To Me

- - Today 2:42pm - -

Gamzee read over the replied text, glancing up from his phone to his moirail who appeared to be taking notes or something. Kanaya was right; he really did want to talk to Karkat and get his confusing feelings straightened out. Waiting for a miracle wasn't helping him out this time, or at least not fast enough.

- - You sent - -

JuSt wAiTiNg fOr tHe rIgHt mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE SiS.  
He sTiLl dOeSn'T ReMeMbEr aNyThInG  
AnD I WaS MaYbE HoPiNg hE WoUlD :o(

- - Today 2:46pm - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Understand  
But My Ultimatum Stands  
I Will Wait One More Day Gamzee  
Karkat Is Your Moirail  
He Deserves Your Honesty

- - Today 2:48pm - -

- - You sent - -

:o(

- - Today 2:51pm - -

Gamzee waited a few more seconds before putting the phone in his pocket; he now had one day to talk to Karkat about feelings he didn't fully motherfucking understand himself. The only thing he had on his side was the knowledge that in a few minutes, he'd have the rest of the day to try and bring it up.

"Alright, we'll go ahead and call it a day," the professor said in the front of the room. "Remember everyone, you have that paper on the pale quadrants due at the start of class on Monday. Have a great weekend!"

Sliding out of his chair, the Capricorn stood up and walked over to Karkat's desk; unlike Gamzee, the nubby horned troll always took out too many supplies for class and so it took him a second to pack up. The highblood didn't all up and mind though; he'd wait on his best motherfucking friend any day of the week.

"Finally," Karkat growled, hastily zipping up his bag. "Jegus fuck, that class dragged on forever."

Gamzee honked in response, earning a resounding 'fuckass' as an answer. The Cancer got up from his seat and slung his book bag over his shoulder before heading over to the door with the indigo blooded troll at his side. It was going to be kind of a long walk home, so maybe the Capricorn could talk about this touchy subject now.

The others were content with taking taxis or buses to and from the university, but he and Karkat usually walked. The shorter troll always insisted that he just wanted to get some sort of think pan map of where everything was, but Gamzee knew better than that. Though it didn't bother him as much as he thought he remembered, Gamzee still didn't all up and motherfucking like four wheeled beasts that much. He didn't have to all up and ask to know that that was really why the nubby horned troll insisted on walking home each day.

That was just like his best motherfucking friend; always looking out for him.

Casually strolling alongside Karkat, Gamzee looked around at the passing scenery as they made their way to the front of the school. It was kind of motherfucking pretty; trees and shit getting their motherfucking chill on. The relaxing atmosphere soothed the taller troll's think pan like a freshly cracked open bottle of wicked elixir.

"Three fucking assignments," Karkat snapped, effectively catching Gamzee's attention. "Two fucking papers and that stupid bullshit art thing."

"Whoa, Karbro," the taller troll said, raising an eyebrow to his moirail. "You haven't all up and started on your motherfucking art project yet?"

"Why the fuck would I do that? It's art! Not like it's something important or even all that hard. It's completely vapid, pointless bullshittery that pretty much is a complete waste of my time."

"Honk," Gamzee said, lazy smile stretching at Karkat's familiar, rambunctious nature. "But art is like, a motherfucking miracle."

"Surprise surprise! The fuckass psycho clown likes art and thinks it's a miracle. Hey, I threw up a little in my mouth just then. Is that a fucking miracle too? Should I spread it on a fucking canvas and turn that in for my assignment?"

"Shit, if that's where your heart's all up and at; that's one for the mirthful messiahs," the Capricorn drawled, smiling at the other's aggravated reaction.

"Whatever. I'll do all the fucking assignments this weekend. It's not complicated, just tedious. What about you fuckass; do you even do your work?"

"Well, I all up and did my motherfucking art shit already, and me and blind sis finished the work for troll and human mating time-"

"Jegus fuck, there are so many things wrong with that last statement."

"So all I got is the one motherfucking paper for romance."

"One paper? You only have one fucking paper to do this weekend?"

"Honk!"

"Are you fucking serious! The fucking murder-happy clown has better time management than me. Just cull me now. How the fuck did that even happen?"

"It was a mira-"

"No it wasn't! Stop it! No miracles. None of the miracles. Don't even think it."

"…"

"Good. Now stay like that. It'll be a miracle if I don't fucking tear out my brainstem before we get to the apartment-hive."

"Man, alls I see are motherfucking miracles."

To this, Karkat let out a very loud, angry sounding noise that was probably a frustrated mix of growling and yelling. Gamzee chuckled to himself, silently wondering how he ended up with such a cute motherfucker as a best friend.

The two continued to walk on, now well past the school and making their way through the city. A comfortable silence had replaced their previous conversation as they strolled along, passing by unassuming shops and restaurants. The taller troll looked at Karkat's expression briefly, and concluded that he was probably trying to think of how to get all his shit done that weekend. His brow was furrowed like it did when he was concentrating really hard, and he was absentmindedly gnawing on his bottom lip.

That soft, warm lip.

Gamzee swallowed slightly and forced himself to look away; he'd almost all up and started zoning again, but had successfully corrected himself. That near-slip reminded him of his conversation with Kanaya moments prior, though, and he unceremoniously realized that he still had to bring that shit up with his moirail.

Now was as good a motherfucking time as any.

The Capricorn opened his mouth, almost hoping that the words would just start motherfucking happening on their own. They didn't, though, so after a few seconds of silence he abandoned this tactic and closed his mouth once more. Shit, he was going to have to think this over carefully; he didn't want to upset his bro, after all. Wait; maybe he didn't have to make it that motherfucking specific. He could just be kind of vague and like, shit, what was that word? Hypothesis? Whatever, it didn't even matter. He was going to use motherfucking mind miracles to talk about this with Karkat.

"So like, that motherfucking paper for romance," Gamzee said. "I all up and forgot… What is it about again?"

"Jegus fuck. Seriously? We were literally just in that class you sopored fuckass…"

"Sorry Karbro. Miracles did some wicked-"

"Stop. Don't care. Don't want to hear the fucking 'm' word again. It's about the pale quadrants. You know, like the painfully disgusting and horrible quadrant I'm stuck with you in?"

"Moirallegiance?"

"No shit. Do I look like your fucking auspistice?"

"Whoa, that'd just be motherfucking weird."

"You fucking think?"

"So… The paper is about both of them?"

"No fuckass, that'd just be stupid. You pick one, you write a paper. Not that fucking complicated."

"Any motherfucking topic?"

"Gog damn it Gamzee, just fucking take notes next time. Yes; any topic," Karkat confirmed, kicking a pebble as he walked along.

"I think I'll write it on… Shit, motherfucking differences between being matesprits and moirails. You think that counts best motherfucking friend?"

"How the hell would I know? You know when would have been a great fucking time to ask that? When you were in the class. Paying attention."

"Man… How do motherfuckers even know the difference?" Gamzee said, now glancing sideways to try and read Karkat's expression.

"What?" the shorter troll was still watching his pebble, oblivious to the Capricorn's studying him.

"Like… Motherfucking matesprits and moirails," Gamzee went on. "How do trolls even all up and get there knowing on if they have flushed or pale feelings for another motherfucker?"

"Gamzee, what the hell? Really? Did you really just fucking ask that," Karkat grumbled, now glaring up at him. "It's fucking feelings of mating fondness versus… Why am I even explaining this to you? I know for a fact that you use to have flushed feelings for Tavros. What, did you just completely forget how that felt? Is your think pan that fried?"

Gamzee was quiet a few seconds, trying to pick over his next words carefully; if he didn't word shit just right, Karbro would get his motherfucking know on that something was up. He thought he had feelings for Tavros a long time ago, but the little motherfucker hadn't all up and been feeling it too. On top of that, shit had been so much simpler back then; they hadn't been of age to mate yet and having flushed feelings meant just wanting to be with someone a lot. To maybe makeout with them and cuddle and shit like that. Now it meant…

Well, that human and troll sexuality course taught him that it meant a whole lot motherfucking more.

"Shit, I guess I did all up and forget," Gamzee said, looking to the ground as he spoke. "So how do you motherfucking know?"

"Like… Fuck. Okay, I have about a million movies that would better explain this point, but I have a lot of bullshit assignments to do when I get back to the apartment-stem so you're just going to have to settle for my own expertly fine tuned explanation alright?"

"Honk!"

"Sure. Honk, what the fuck ever. Alright, so you and me are moirails, right?"

"Um… I motherfucking think so?"

"Jegus, again, just went over this. Yes, we're moirails. It's not a trick question fuckass," Karkat growled, rolling his eyes. "We talk and help each other and whatever right?"

"All the motherfucking time Karbro," Gamzee answered with a lazy smile.

"And we put up with each other's bullshit because we're moirails. But we would never have sloppy makeouts or something like matesprits do, right? That'd just be fucking weird."

Gamzee felt a tight squeeze on his vascular pump, and he stopped walking as his legs seemed to all up and stop working all the sudden. The shorter troll continued to walk a few paces before finally stopping as well, looking back in confusion at him. The Capricorn's smile was little more than a slight, sad grin now, and his eyes locked onto the sidewalk beneath him.

"Gamzee? You alright?" Karkat asked warily, bending to try and see his eyes. "You're not going fucking crazy again are you?"

So that was his answer then.

No matter what kinds of motherfucking feelings he was all up and getting in his head, Karbro just didn't think the same way about him.

The taller troll suddenly felt very… Empty. As if someone had punched him hard enough in his nutrition sack to knock the wind out of him. It was different from when Tavros had turned him down; this time it kind of all up and hurt. What had he been expecting? Some sort of miracle to happen and clear up all the shit between them? He wasn't quite sure what to motherfucking say after that, so he just stood there and didn't say a motherfucking thing.

"Fuckass, answer me," Karkat said, cautiously poking his shoulder.

"… Oh… Sorry best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said finally, meeting Karkat's gaze. "I must have gotten my motherfucking zone on."

"Idiot. Come on, I'd rather not be walking out here all fucking day."

"Sure thing, Karbro."

* * *

Six empty sopor pie tins and eight and a half drained bottles of Faygo later…

It still motherfucking hurt.

It was a sort of dull, irritating pain in his chest that he couldn't quite all up and put his finger on. No matter how much Gamzee tried he couldn't seem to get his motherfucking chill on. Everything just felt so motherfucking pointless; he had even given up on baking a seventh pie halfway through. He wanted to be near Karkat, but being near him made his vascular pump hurt more. Worse than that, the motherfucking pies just seemed to be making his head even more confused and mixed up than it had been before he'd gotten into the apartment-stem.

Karkat was his moirail.

That was all he was ever going to be.

But if Gamzee could just kiss those soft lips one more time; if he could just slip his tongue into his adorable best friend's mouth and slide his hands up that soft, supple back and-

No, no; it wasn't right to think about Karkat like that. They weren't matesprits, they were moirails; the Cancer didn't feel that way about him, it was all pale. Gamzee told himself this, but his think pan was being motherfucking stubborn and just kept coming back to those mirthful thoughts. It was really harshing his wicked mood, and for once his pies didn't seem to be helping a motherfucking bit.

The Capricorn glanced down at his emptied pie tins, the usual smile gone from his face. If the pies weren't motherfucking helping, then how was he supposed to get over this? Besides that, it was really hard to motherfucking concentrate with all that haze floating around his thoughts.

_Don't… Eat… It… Then._

What?

_The… So… por._

The bitchtits pies? Why not?

_Bad… For._

Bad for motherfucking what? His health? Poison?

_Kar… kat._

Gamzee felt that pang in his chest again, and he absentmindedly reached up, digging his claws lightly into the grey skin above his vascular pump. The voice was gone now, and it had sounded really motherfucking slow and broken when he'd thought he'd all up and heard it but… It was also the first clear string of thoughts to make its way to the surface of his think pan in weeks. He really was sick of being confused; of being lost and waiting for a miracle to all up and just happen. What if the miracles never came?

Maybe it was time for him to make his own miracles.

And maybe… It wouldn't be that motherfucking bad.

If he laid off the pies.

Just for a little bit.


	21. I'M TRYING TO GET SCHOOLFED HERE

**A/N: Happy 4th of July! Enjoy this double chapter upload. The poll is now closed and results will be posted below, as well as a warning for this chapter, and as always tumblr tumblr tumblr. Going to go sleep forever now, good night. z_z**

**POLL RESULTS:**  
** 1. Troll horns are sensitive**  
** 2. Trolls should have pointed ears**  
** 3. Trolls should have alien based genitalia, something like tentabulges**  
** 4. Trolls should not have belly buttons**  
** 5. Trolls should not have nipples**  
** 6. Male and female trolls should have the same genitalia**  
** 7. A nook cannot be impregnated, but is like human female genitalia, making trolls more hermaphroditic**

*****Thanks to everyone who voted!*****

**WARNING: This chapter contains explicit material and may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader discretion is advised.**

**Enjoy. ;3**

I'M TRYING TO GET SCHOOLFED HERE

"Wow, I didn't realize that coolkids had such shitty aim."

"What? No way man, it's this shitty controller," Dave said in response to one snickering Terezi.

"Is that so? It seemed to be working just fine a second ago when you were bragging about how good you are at this game."

"It's not bragging if I'm just telling shit like it is. I can't help it if the mere mention of my ungodly skills is too much for your troll brain pan… Or whatever."

"Bad at video games and troll anatomy? Where's all that coolkid knowledge now?"

Terezi poked him in the shoulder; that pointed, devilish grin on her face. Damn, she looked pretty fucking good in his god tier hoodie. The Knight returned her smirk; pausing the game before setting down his controller. Regardless of how sexy she looked in his swag with slightly messy hair and that insane grin on her lips, there was a much more important matter at hand.

His crazy blind troll girlfriend had just sassed him up.

They were in this shit now.

"You know, being all dodgy and shit about your anatomy hints isn't fooling me," he replied, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed behind his head. "It's cool though, space chicks be macking on me all day long; I really can't even blame you for being curious."

"Curious about what Dave?" Terezi asked, leaning just a tad bit too close to his face.

"Oh yeah, like you don't even know. Why don't you just up and admit you want to know what hookups we humans got. It'd probably blow your fucking mind. After all, it's pretty much the most interesting thing there is, mine especially, so it's not even like, a thing."

"Hey, Dave! Dave!" the blind troll said, teasingly licking his cheek. "Tell me more about these _human_ hookups. Do they smell as delicious as your eyes? What do they taste like?"

"Wait, what?"

"Let me taste your human hookup!"

Oh, shit.

He hadn't been expecting her to go there.

Strider held his pokerface, though, merely looking away behind the comfort of his shades as the Libra gave him her best shiteating grin. Sure, they'd been making out and shit, doing cutesy kid stuff, but they'd yet to take that next step into their relationship. Being stuck on a floating space rock kind of meant he'd never had sex before, and he was willing to bet that Terezi hadn't either. It wasn't like there was really anything to wait on; after all, they'd already been together what, a few months now?

He couldn't be too sure; it wasn't like he had an insane ability to keep track of time or anything and to know exactly how long they'd been together. He'd have to be some kind of like, time knight or something, but even then he'd probably pretend he didn't know anything about that.

You know.

For the ironies.

This is stupid.

"What's the matter coolkid? Did your human 'brain pan' break? Heheheh."

Despite Terezi's picking, Dave had in fact personally taken the liberty to do some research on the matter of anatomy; he knew exactly what trolls had going on under there. He wasn't sure, though, whether or not the blind troll had done the same and at some point stuffed her weird psycho nose up against some computer screen. It was also possible that she could have gotten some literature on the matter, but Dave doubted it. The Libra didn't usually use books; she always ran into difficulty when she wanted to lick the pages and get a better look. Either way, the fact still stood; if she hadn't actually looked anything up about human's getting down and dirty shit, than she was bluffing and just trying to fuck with his mind.

She did that a lot.

"Tch, nah man. I'm just kind of hungry as shit. Let's make lunch."

The troll giggled to herself, but grabbed onto Dave's hand nonetheless. Lacing his fingers in between hers, the human lead his alien girlfriend out of his room. He wasn't sure if Terezi was really going to let the matter go or not, but he really was pretty fucking hungry. If she still wanted to keep at it after lunch, he'd be more than happy to let 'Little Big Dave' out to say hello to her. Space bitches were all over him in all kinds of delirious biznasty ways, and he wasn't about to turn down some extraterrestrial kinky shit. He was also pretty curious to see some weird ass troll junk in person too.

Maybe they could play that whole, 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' shit.

Heading to the kitchenette, Dave's smirk returned as he spied one pissy midget troll hunched over the bartop with several textbooks and what looked like some sort of black binder. He was wearing some shitty mismatch of striped, red pajama pants and some t-shirt that said something in Alternian on it. What the fuck was he doing anyway? Schoolwork? What an idiot. Who the fuck even did homework?

"What're you working on Karkles?" Terezi said, kicking at the barstool he was sitting on.

"Jegus fuck, leave me alone. I don't have time for you two and your bullshit today," Karkat snapped, not looking up from his binder as he scrawled away.

"Homework? Did you really put it all off for the weekend?"

"Pretty fucking lame dude," Dave piped in, always in the mood to piss off the shorter male.

"At this rate you'll flunk out of school," the blind troll went on, tilting her head as if to try and smell Karkat's growing anger. "Can't you at least handle those four, tiny classes?"

"Gog damn it! Yes, yes okay? I fucking procrastinated like the complete fucking imbecile that I am," Karkat growled, gathering up his textbooks and binder. "But gog fucking forbid I hope for five minutes of being left the fuck alone to do it all! Fuck you, fuck you, leave me alone."

With that unceremonious round of 'fuck yous', the nubby horned troll stormed out of the room with his armload of precariously stacked books and papers. Dave raised an eyebrow as he watched the Cancer go into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. It was kind of fucking weird that he wanted to go study in the toilet, but whatever; trolls were kind of weird as fuck anyway.

"… Dave."

"What?"

"So are you still hungry or can I taste this fabled human hookup? Heheh."

Yeah… Trolls were fucking weird.

* * *

"So, as with many scientific fields, in botany the taxonomy, anatomy, and physiology of each plant is something that must be carefully remembered and recorded. Before that can happen, research must be done which in short becomes the primary work of any botanist," Rose went on, casually reading through her new wizard novel as she spoke.

"Yes, that's right!" Jade said, clapping her hands together in excitement. "Do you understand now John?"

John looked from the girl who had addressed him to Rose, and then back to his textbook. Even with Jade and now Rose both taking this botany class with him, he was still having a hard time following any of it. They both tried to tutor him, but they each had their own quirks that usually just made things even more confusing for him. Rose always had to be such a gosh darn smarty pants using the proper, scientific names for things; names that John couldn't remember to save all of paradox space. Jade was a little bit better, but she would always try to get him to come up with the answer to his questions instead of just explaining it to him. On top of that, whenever he did manage to get something right, she'd get so excited that she'd become distracted or try to jump too far ahead.

Man, school gave him such a headache.

"So… Plants have to be studied…" John said, trying to understand Rose's big words. "So that they can be studied? I don't know Rose, that kind of doesn't make any sense…"

"Well… John, why would we need to know about plants?"

"Oh man, that's the same question that started this whole conversation. I'm never going to get this! I should just drop out now…"

"Don't give up John! Rose and I are going to make sure that you do well. Why don't we move onto something easier? Alright, what are the reproductive organs of a typical flower?"

"Hahaha… Um… The petal penis?"

"Maybe we should just let him drop out," Rose said, rewarding John's joke with a coy smirk.

"Look, can we talk about flowers and the birds and the bees in a minute? I kind of have to go to the bathroom."

"Alright, I'll work on a diagram while you're gone!"

"Uh, gee thanks…"

The Heir of Breath frowned, getting off of Jade's comfy green bed as he turned to leave the room. Rose was on her own bed, curled up in the corner of it with her book, while he and Jade had taken over her bed as a sort of study area. John couldn't help but note how much cleaner the girls' room was than his and Dave's. It definitely didn't help that Terezi was always in there now too; she ate chalk or something and there was always random bits of colors ground into the carpet. He didn't really mind, though, because the blind troll was pretty cool and always helped him team up to beat Dave in video games. That was pretty sweet he guessed, but it always got kind of weird when they'd start cuddling and kissing and doing all the mushy stuff.

Maybe he just wasn't use to seeing troll-human sloppy makeouts.

Speaking of, the Heir glanced over to the kitchenette just in time to see Dave tug his girlfriend over by the hips, a slight smirk on his face. John really didn't want to see all their sappy stuff, though, so he returned his attention to his quest to the bathroom. There were only two restrooms in the apartment-stem, and one of them was in Karkat and Gamzee's room. If anyone other than those two trolls went into that room, though, the short troll would always freak out and start yelling all over the place. This didn't stop John from placing the occasional whip cream pie or other baked good over the doorway for a hilarious prank, but he kind of had to pee and didn't really want to waste time being yelled at by Karkat.

Just outside the bathroom door now, he reached out to turn the handle and frowned as it refused to turn. He wasn't all that sure who could be in there; Jade and Rose were in their room, Dave and Terezi were in the kitchen, and Karkat and Gamzee had their own bathroom… Maybe he was turning the knob the wrong way? John tried turning the knob this way and that, only stopping when a cantankerous voice snarled at him from behind the door.

"It's fucking occupied!"

"Karkat?" John asked, scratching the back of his head. "Why are you in this bathroom? Can't you use your own?"

"Fuck off Eg-dipshit. I'm studying and need some peace and fucking quiet! You can use the load gaper when I'm done."

"But that's so not fair," John whined. "I have to go now! Can I use your 'load gaper' then?"

"What? Fuck no! That's disgusting. It's bad enough that I have to share it with that juggalo asshole moirail of mine!"

"Too late," John said, fighting back chuckles. "I'm walking to your room… I'm going to make a big gross human poop in your toilet!"

Dave and Terezi looked over at him curiously after he made this last statement, and a light blush rose to his cheeks.

Okay, that probably just sounded bad from an outside perspective.

"Jegus fucking human hoofbeast shit!" Karkat snapped, kicking the door open with his foot and glaring around his books at John. "There! I'm fucking done okay? Use the load gaper to your ass's putrid human feces content! Just leave me, the fuck, alone!"

"Why did you have all those books in there?"

Karkat growled something angry and indecipherable, but quickly absconded to his and Gamzee's room anyway. John quietly wondered for a second why he hadn't just stayed in there in the first place, but he soon abandoned the train of thought. Right now, there were more su-pee-rior matters to attend to; he'd also totally have to tell Rose and Jade about that sweet pun later.

* * *

Gamzee closed his eyes, the warm water of the shower tempting his aroused, sensitive grey skin, but paling in comparison to the heat radiating from it. The long, slender fingers of his right hand toyed lazily with his bulge, its slick, slippery length already dripping with rich, indigo genetic material. Such material wasn't destined for any filial pail, though; an idea that Gamzee was becoming increasingly okay with at the moment as he enjoyed his motherfucking cleaning up time.

"_Mm… Gamzee," Karkat would moan, sprawled out on the couch as his own bulge eagerly searched for the Capricorn's own._

_ His back would arch slightly, just enough to try and close the distance between them, and Gamzee would lean down to claim those soft, begging lips. His tongue would slip past the awkward, uneven points of Karkat's teeth and they'd kiss. Their tongues and teeth would dance and gnash as they each tried to fully claim the other._

The highblood's body pulsed and burned for release, his one, teasing hand going just slow enough to deny it. His other hand was busy below that, its digits sliding in and out of his nook with the added slickness of his own fluids mixing with the falling water.

_Karkat would push into him; that bright red bulge would fill his nook, writhing in and out of him as it sought to pleasure every inch of the wet, heated opening. The taller troll would wait a little while, listening to his moirail's quiet moans as he gave into the sheer pleasure, but then his bulge would press deeply into Karkat's hot, dripping nook._

"_G-Gamzee!" the smaller troll would moan, his head leaning back to expose that tender, beautiful neck._

_A neck that the taller troll would lean up to._

_And sink his sharp, pointed teeth into._

Gamzee's fingers slid in and out of his nook much quicker now, his right hand beginning to curl and twist around his bulge much more roughly. He stroked from base to tip, biting back a loud moan as he pushed especially deep into his nook. The water carried with it a steady streak of indigo as it washed down the drain, but the taller troll was too lost in his motherfucking miracle to be all up and noticing that shit.

_ The Cancer's bright, candy red blood would run over his lips; staining down the side of that flawless neck as the first in its own motherfucking mural._

_ Karkat would scream, causing his nook to tighten around the full, engorged heat of Gamzee's bulge. The highblood wouldn't stop though; a lowblooded mutant like Karkat would think it such a motherfucking honor to have Gamzee stuff his nook so fully. More than that, he'd be all motherfucking grateful that his unworthy, freakish red bulge had been allowed to seek pleasure in Gamzee's own, royal indigo nook. _

_Rocking his hips deeper and harder into the warmth all but bursting between them, Gamzee's hands would slink up Karkat's sides; locating the sensitive, healed over slits from when his extraneous legs had fallen off as a wiggler. His fingers would ghost over them, but avoid actually touching the paled, blackish-grey stripes. Instead, he'd start higher up at about the middle of Karkat's ribs, the Capricorn's claws would dig deep into his moirail's flesh; tearing five matching, bright red lines straight through the sensitive stretch._

Gamzee growled as his bulge continued to obstinately try and wind itself around his fingers, effectively disrupting the steady rhythm he'd been unconsciously grinding into. After a few more awkward, uneven strokes that were really more like a tug-of-war contest between his fingers and bulge, the Capricorn freed his hand of the unruly appendage and soon followed it with the removal of his other hand from his nook.

Slight orangish, indigo eyes opened as he glared at nothing in particular, and he shifted from leaning against the shower wall to crouching on his hands and knees. Gamzee's back arced into the sound falling of the shower's water, and he shivered at the sudden, unexpected sensation of its warmth running down his spine. Before the newness of the shifted position could wear off, the tall troll forced his bulge as deep into his nook as he could; gritting his teeth at the slight pain its length caused him. He wriggled and twisted his bulge in and out of himself, but was unable to bury it all the way to the base. The harsh, growling moans he made intermingled with the pattering of the shower, all but completely drowning out the slick, slapping noise of nook and bulge joining together and pulling apart.

He was so motherfucking close.

_Gamzee would anchor himself with the claws hooked into Karkat's sides, rutting hard and fast into the smaller troll mewling with need and pain beneath him. The Cancer's bright, red eyes would stare up at him, glazed over with lust and silently begging Gamzee to make him scream. The highblood would stop, though, and completely pull away from the warmth of his and Karkat's mating. Whining, the nubby horned troll would try to follow his departing warmth but would be held firmly into place with his sharp claws. He wouldn't have to wait long, though, for just as unexpectedly as Gamzee would pull away, he'd slam back into the smaller troll with full force, forcing his way both onto and into Karkat. His moirail would scream and-_

A thick, sudden slosh of genetic material gushed out of Gamzee's bulge, overflowing his nook with the sticky, indigo rush of his climax. The troll panted heavily, the rough, fast grind of his hips beginning to slow as he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm. A wave of contented, satisfied pleasure washed over the Capricorn, and after several moments of relishing in its already fleeting warmth, Gamzee withdrew his bulge and collapsed into a puddle on the shower floor.

His senses slowly returning to normal, the taller troll breathed a contented sigh as he stretched out some; a feat made a bit more difficult by the fact that the shower couldn't quite fit him if he sprawled out completely. Unwilling to either stay full of his own genetic material or deposit the useless slurry into a bucket somewhere, Gamzee relaxed the muscles in his nook, releasing the indigo fluid to the silent discretion of the drain. He watched and waited for the water to run clean, tearing his gaze away only as his bulge retreated into the familiar sheath of its boney slit.

He'd done it again.

Once more, he'd masturbated to the sexual, increasingly violent fantasies of his moirail.

Gamzee's mind had been slowly clearing up, as he'd now gone almost a full two days without ingesting anymore of his sopor pies. It would take a while for all of it to work out of his system, just like it had last time, but with each passing second his think pan seemed to be easier to all up and motherfucking read. Sometimes, it would even just be a chill motherfucker and just outright talk to him; like right now.

_Take him. He's yours; a real motherfucking subjugglator takes what's his._

Not yet.

_When?_

Soon motherfucker; when the time is all up and motherfucking right.

_But when will you know?_

I think I'm going to make some motherfucking cupcakes.

The voice went silent now, and Gamzee stepped out of the shower, shaking free the water all up and getting its cling on with his hair before grabbing a towel off the rack. Working from the bottom up, he took care to stay away from his horns as he dried his hair; no need to get his arousal on all over again. He then threw the towel aside and unceremoniously pulled on his pants and shirt. Reaching into one of the drawers, he pulled out his greasepaint and set to work applying his usual makeup. The scars across his face use to all up and bother him when he saw them, but those motherfuckers hadn't really all up and harshed his chill since Friday. It was a motherfucking miracle from the mirthful messiahs, and he wasn't exactly missing thinking about them.

The Capricorn silently tried to get his think pan remembering what Karkat had said he'd been planning to do earlier; after all, he hadn't seen that adorable motherfucker all day. Stepping out of the bathroom, Gamzee soon got his motherfucking answer like some kind of surprise miracle. There, sprawled out on the couch with several textbooks and a binder, was his moirail probably doing all that motherfucking homework he'd been getting all salty about. He was turned away from the bathroom, though, and so he didn't appear to notice Gamzee right away. The taller troll's eyes traced over Karkat's body, his lazy smile stretching as the other's pajama shirt slid up some to reveal a blackish-grey stripe.

Just like he'd all up and motherfucking imagined it.

"Hey there," Gamzee said, strolling over to the Cancer. "What's up Karbro?"

"Seriously?" Karkat yelled, turning to glare back at him. "I swear to fucking gog if you fuckasses don't all just leave me alone for ten fucking minutes I'm going to rip out my throbbing phlegm lobe and beat you all senseless with it!"

"Sorry about that, best friend," the taller troll said, wandering over to the door of their block. "I'll give you some motherfucking peace and quiet."

"Gog damn it…" Karkat grumbled, sighing as he pinched the bridge of his cartilage nub. "You don't have to fucking leave I just… Be quiet I guess. I seriously need to finish this shit."

"It's all motherfucking good bro. I'm feeling in the mood to make some bitchtits chocolate cupcakes anyway."

"Oh. Fine, well, fucking go do that then!"

With that, Karkat returned to his work and Gamzee took that as his sign to leave. Cupcakes sounded like a miraculous motherfucking idea right now; he wouldn't be able to make them with sopor this time, but the chocolaty tasty shit would still be motherfucking delicious. Karbro could get his motherfucking munch on once he was done getting schoolfed and shit.

* * *

- - You sent - -

Hello Karkat  
How Are Things

- - Today 8:32pm - -

Kanaya replaced her phone into her pocket, a light frown on her lips as she continued to gather up the dead and dying grubs. This had to be the hardest part about tending to the mother grub; collecting up the bodies of the helpless little ones who had been too weak to survive the dangerous trials. It was a task that none of the jade blooded trolls enjoyed, and as such they were put on a rotation of sorts so that one could delay having to play the part of the maternal grim reaper for as long as possible.

A large, woven black basket lined with green cushions was held under Kanaya's arm, and she gently picked up each grub she saw with gloved hands; delicately placing their small, cold bodies inside. The ones that were lucky suffered fatal injuries; decapitated or skewered through the vascular pump in some way. The other, less fortunate ones…

Well, that was what the cushions were for.

The cushions lining the basket each contained a decent amount of a sleeping poison; this ensured that any poor grub still left alive would be allowed the comfort of a sedated, peaceful death. It hadn't been a requirement of the job; the Condesce could hardly be concerned with whether or not the grubs died peacefully. If nothing else, though, knowing that the grubs wouldn't be made to continue suffering permitted each jade blood made to carry out this task to sleep without quite so many horror terrors.

A light buzz in Kanaya's pocket let her know that Karkat responded, and she carefully placed the black basket down. Distractions were the best way to get through this duty, the rainbow drinker had found, and she was more than a little grateful for Karkat's reply, ornery though it was.

- - KARKAT sent - -

I'M NEVER GOING TO FINISH MY FUCKING HOMEWORK AM I?  
WHATEVER. I ONLY HAVE THAT BULLSHIT ART THING LEFT ANYWAY.  
FINE, YES, I'M DOING JUST PEACHY.  
HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU?

- - Today 8:34pm - -

- - You sent - -

Yes I Had Nearly Forgotten  
Gamzee Had Mentioned To Me That The Lot Of You Had Taken Up The Pursuit Of Higher Learning  
I Was Actually Quite Surprised To Hear It

- - Today 8:37pm - -

Kanaya watched the phone a few more seconds and, after receiving no reply, she once more placed it into her pocket. Picking up her basket once more, the rainbow drinker went back to collecting the grubs. If it were up to her, she would nurse the ones that she could back to heath, and she'd ensure that the deceased were given dignified, proper burials. It wasn't to be, though, and there was only one horrific stop left in the journeys of each grub in her basket.

A step that was far from a dignified, proper burial.

Rather, their final resting places would be as paints on the walls for the leader of a bunch of psychotic clown worshipping trolls. Once Kanaya was finished collecting up the grubs, she was to bring them to the Grand Highblood. A glance at the time on her phone told her that she'd actually better try and hurry.

After all, those who angered the Grand Highblood rarely lived to tell about it.

* * *

Karkat slammed his textbook shut, kicking it off the couch with a triumphant smirk before stretching his now quite stiff limbs. It was Saturday night and 8:45pm, but he'd finally finished all of that stupid bullshit homework.

Well… Okay, almost all of it.

What the fuck ever; art wasn't even a real class. He'd just throw paint and paper together or some shit tomorrow and turn it in on Monday. It wasn't like he could fail for being an uncreative piece of shit; they totally didn't grade that kind of thing in college.

The nubby horned troll laid back on the couch, stretching his arms and legs to try and relieve his tense, tired muscles. He'd been pretty much hunched over those stupid fucking books all day long, and it was nice to just lay flat for a second. This shift in position, though, caused his phone to press into his leg, reminding him that he'd been talking to Kanaya a few minutes ago. He'd felt her response text when it had come in, but he'd been just finishing his last paragraph on the effects a good auspistice could have in a healthy relationship and hadn't wanted to lose his train of thought. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he quickly pecked out a response to her last message.

- - You sent - -

YEAH, IT'S ALL PRETTY MUCH A LOT OF BULLSHIT.  
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER GRUB SHIT GOING?

- - Today 8:49pm - -

Karkat stared up at the ceiling, his limbs feeling too tired to actually motivate him to get up and crawl into his recuperacoon. It was kind of early to go to sleep, even by human standards, but gog damn it he'd been busting his bulge all day to get that shit done. A response text from Kanaya pulled him from his defensive, think pan monologue and he silently read over her reply.

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Would Honestly Rather Not Talk About That At This Very Moment  
How Are Things Between You And Gamzee  
Not Too Terribly Awkward I Hope

- - Today 8:56pm - -

Karkat reread the text, his eyebrow quirking curiously to try and determine just what there was to feel awkward about. Why would something be awkward between he and Gamzee?

- - You sent - -

FAIR ENOUGH, BUT WAIT…  
AWKWARD?  
WHY THE FUCK WOULD THINGS BE AWKWARD?

- - Today 8:58pm - -

No sooner had Karkat sent his text than the taller troll, and subject of his current conversation with Kanaya, popped into their block. He had that usual, stretched out grin on his face and a single, half-eaten chocolate cupcake in his hand. Naturally, the shorter troll scowled at him and was renewed with a fresh, hate-filled round of energy.

"What the fuck? You seriously made cupcakes?" Karkat said, watching the confectionary good hungrily.

"Sure did, best friend," Gamzee answered, easily biting off a large chunk of the cupcake. "They're in the motherfucking kitchen if you all up and want to get your munch on."

Karkat let out a slight, irritable growl as he glared from cupcake to Gamzee, but he said nothing as he hurried out of the respiteblock to get his own share of chocolaty goodness. On the way out, his phone buzzed causing him to stop and open the text. Realizing he was smart enough to fucking walk and read a gog damn text at the same time, then, Karkat continued to head to the kitchen as he read and replied to Kanaya.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Do You Mean To Tell Me  
That He Did Not Tell You  
And Even Went So Far As To Lying To Me About Your Rejection

- - Today 9:01pm - -

- - You sent - -

TELL ME WHAT?  
GOG FUCKING DAMN IT, NO MORE OF THIS CAGEY BULLSHIT.  
I'M NOOK DEEP IN ENOUGH IDIOTIC MUSCLEBEAST SHIT AS IT IS.  
FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK KANAYA, PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS TIME.  
YOU PULLED THIS SHIT WHEN WE LAST TALKED, AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO SIT THROUGH ANOTHER FUCKING CONVERSATION OF TRYING TO GET YOU TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

- - Today 9:03pm - -

Successfully locating the cupcakes on the bartop, Karkat climbed onto a stool and snatched the closest one to him. He carelessly ripped off the little cupcake holder, setting it aside on the counter next to his phone to be thrown away later. The garbage can was all the way on the other fucking side of the counter, and he obviously wasn't going to go back and forth six times to throw cupcake holders away, that would be fucking stupid.

Not that he was going to sit there and eat six cupcakes, and even if it was it's not like it's really your fucking place to judge him.

So you know just… Fuck off.

Karkat couldn't help himself, and after locating the side of the cupcake that had the most frosting, he took the biggest bite that he could manage. The delicious, rich chocolate flavor flooded his senses with every chew; it was completely fucking glorious. That wasn't all though; the flavor of the cupcakes seemed kind of… Familiar.

Furrowing his brow, the Cancer glared down at the remaining bit of cupcake, trying to place this strange, sudden feeling of nostalgia. After a few seconds of thinking, Karkat sunk his teeth in again, taking an equally large, but slower bite from the cupcake. His teeth continued to break up the food, but the more he tasted it the more he was getting that feeling that he was remembering something.

Something he'd forgotten.

Something… Important.

Swallowing the now fully chewed up lump of cupcake, Karkat stuffed the remaining amount into his mouth and closed his eyes. Gog damn it, he was going to place what this fucking feeling was if it killed him; he wasn't going to swallow that last bit of the cupcake until he remembered, he told himself.

Strangely enough, closing his eyes seemed to be helping; the sense that he was somehow recalling a memory that up until now had been buried in the recesses of his think pan was even stronger.

_ He was lying down with his eyes closed, a strong taste of chocolate in his mouth from eating so many cupcakes. Something was playing in the background… Music? _

_No, wait; it was a movie._

_ Okay, so he was lying on the couch not watching a movie but… There was something else. Wait, not something else; someone else._

_Gamzee!_

_ That was right, Gamzee had been there; he had been the one to make the cupcakes that he'd had eaten. They were in the block together, Karkat lying on the couch and Gamzee was sitting in the… No, he was lying on the couch; the Cancer distinctly remembered seeing the taller troll's head leaned back against the armrest of the couch._

_So if Gamzee was on the couch… Where the fuck had Karkat been?_

_Maybe if he remembered what Gamzee was saying…_

"_There you go best friend," he said. "See? Motherfucking palebros for life. I got your shit motherfucker, so you can count on me to-"_

_Fuck, what had he said after that?_

_ Karkat was completely sure that Gamzee had said something after that; whatever it was that he was having such a hard time remembering happened right after the Capricorn said that._

_Wait._

_Wait a fucking second._

_ Gamzee hadn't said anything after that… Because he'd been cut off. And Karkat hadn't been laying on the couch._

_He'd been laying on top of Gamzee._

Karkat swallowed hard, the cupcake feeling like a fifty pound weight as it fell to his nutrition sack, and he could almost feel his blood run cold. His mouth hung open wordlessly as his think pan now vividly remembered exactly what had happened so many nights ago.

He didn't even notice his phone go off on the bartop.

- - Kanaya sent - -

He Informed Me That He Had Confessed His Flushed Feelings For You  
And That You Rejected Him Despite The Fact That You Had Kissed Him A While Back  
Is That Specific Enough  
Or Is That Too Much Cagey Bullshit

- - Today 9:08 - -


	22. The Sufferer Returns

The Sufferer Returns

Kanaya walked up to the dark palace of the highblood city, alone save for her sealed up basket filled with the bodies of dead grubs. It was night time now, and typical for a strictly troll city that meant that the kingdom was buzzing with activity. Here and there, Kanaya could hear the maniacal laughter of indigo blooded trolls; it sounded like they were all right next to her, but any time she'd dare to look up, they were always far off.

_Just focus._

_Get to the kingdom, drop off the basket at the throne block, and leave._

The Virgo had been told that, for the most part, the highbloods would leave the jade bloods presenting the grubs alone. It made sense, when she thought about it; interfering with their delivery meant denying the Grand Highblood of his paints which would likely invoke his wrath.

Or cause him to laugh and join in on the killing.

Kanaya decided that it likely depended on his mood at the moment; something far too complexed to be read or predicted by the other trolls of the city.

Either way, it was getting back from the palace after the delivery that was the tricky part. Her chainsaw lipstick was tucked safely in her pocket for the return trip, but she tried her best not to make eye contact with any of the highbloods so as not to invoke their anger.

The rainbow drinker stepped carefully up the stairs which were, like most of the city, black and splattered with the multihued shades of any troll unfortunate enough to end up here. The palace was a lot larger than it had looked from far away, and it had several, winding towers that ended in sharp peaks; looming over the city even in the darkness of the night. Strange, carnival like stretches of indigo and black tented up at various spots on the palace, both comprising of and adding to its impressive girth. They almost reminded the Virgo of the wistful, stretches of architecture that she herself had designed back on her hive on Alternia. It surely took several carpenter drones and months to finish construction on the palace, and Kanaya hazarded a guess that a lot of them probably didn't survive to see its completion.

She held the basket close to her and walked up to the enormous, black wooden doors that sat between a curved, winding and pointed doorframe that was, in fashion, splattered with blood. On the fronts of both doors was a single, indigo sign that Kanaya recognized all too well.

She hoped to troll jegus that Gamzee would never meet his ancestor.

Standing around gawking at the grim palace scenery wasn't going to get her out of that horrible city any faster, so Kanaya set the basket down and pulled on one of the large doors. They clearly had been crafted for the comfort of the Grand Highblood himself, and as such they were much too big to be maneuvered with ease. Pulling back with both hands and leaning back to put her weight into it, the door stubbornly slid open, leaving just enough of a gap for the rainbow drinker to squeeze through. Kanaya then retrieved her basket once more and headed inside.

The inside was, surprising to no one, made up of black and indigo color scheme. What did strike Kanaya as odd, though, was that unlike the outside, the inside wasn't covered in the disturbing blood paintings of the subjugglators. She wasn't going to even try to discern why that was, and she honestly didn't want to think any more about the palace or of those who called it home. Already inside, the hardest part was over.

Now she just had to find that throne block.

If she had to guess, based on how hard the highbloods tried to assert their power and dominance over everything else, the throne block was probably upstairs in some sort of gigantic, tacky block boasting guards and an equally tawdry throne. Yes, she was certain of it, and so she began to, once more, ascend the stairs to the second level. Unlike before, when she had been around the building instead of inside of it, she could now very clearly see several of the indigo blooded trolls going about their business in the palace. Occasionally they'd glance at her, and she'd even made the mistake of making eye contact with one of them once she'd reached the second floor.

It was a female troll who returned her curious glance with a glare. Her eyes then fell to the basket in Kanaya's arms, and she grit her teeth in irritation before turning away and hurrying off. The rainbow drinker made a mental note to keep an eye out for her later, lest she meet an untimely fate for being unprepared. Watching her leave, though, her sight fell upon several guards lining the halls of the direction she'd gone. A quick glance in the other direction confirmed to Kanaya that there were far less guards on the other side indicating that wherever the throne block was, it was probably to the left.

The Virgo hesitated, allowing the female highblood to get a great distance in front of her; she really didn't want to have to follow the indigo blooded troll she'd apparently just angered, but that direction was probably her best bet. She waited a few more minutes until the other was completely out of sight, but then followed along with her basket of grubs.

Perhaps the female was heading to the throne room as well?

There was only one way to find out, she guessed.

Kanaya now strictly kept her eyes to the ground, looking up only slightly to make sure she didn't bump into anything. It was still pretty difficult to navigate through the palace; only having the vaguest idea to maybe follow a troll who wanted to kill her probably hadn't been the best strategy. She didn't really see any other option, though; it was a better shot than asking one of the highblood guards where to find their psychopathic leader.

Still blindly walking through the corridors of the palace, Kanaya eventually came upon another set of double doors, but these ones had been left open. Two voices could be heard from inside the room, and the rainbow drinker decided she could safely assume that one of the speakers was the indigo blooded troll she'd been trailing behind.

Carefully peaking in, the Virgo could see that this room was all but completely coated in the multihued colors of blood in all sorts of designs and pictures. An enormous troll with spotted black pants sporting that same indigo symbol sat on an equally impressively sized indigo chair.

Staying just out of sight of the door's opening, Kanaya quietly listened in on the conversation; this appeared to be the throne block and her curiosity was now thoroughly piqued.

What could be so important that would warrant an intrusion upon the Grand Highblood's solitude?

* * *

He looked down at her, even from his seated position on the throne; she was so motherfucking small and useless in front of him. One swing of his juggling clubs could knock that pathetic, tiny little head clean off her shoulders.

He'd motherfucking banished this motherfucker.

Well, not exactly.

She and those other two motherfuckers escaped from him after failing to overthrow him, and now here she was; back and begging him for his motherfucking time and understanding. This miserable, waste of a highblood had the motherfucking gall to return, to come right up to his motherfucking throne block and beg for his forgiveness.

"Give me one good motherfucking reason," the large ruler of the subjugglators said, picking up his juggling clubs from either side of his throne. "Why I shouldn't motherfucking cull you and paint the wicked miracles with your blood. Better motherfucking hurry; I'm not all up and feeling too patient motherfucker."

"Yes, Grand Highblood," the female said, keeping her eyes trained on him. "I've returned to barter for my old life, living here in this city."

"And what do you have to motherfucking barter?" the Grand Highblood snarled, crossing over to her and snatching her up effortlessly by the neck. "Tell me that motherfucker! What the motherfuck do you have to offer me that I can't just motherfucking take from you?"

The small, pathetic creature wriggled in his grasp; her claws uselessly scratching and digging at his one hand holding her up. Her breathless gasps were caught beneath his vice grip, and the failed pulsing of each breath caught in her throat brought a sadistic smile to his face.

"What's the matter motherfucker?" he said, a dark chuckle spoke. "Can't all up and motherfucking barter for your words?"

She attempted a strangled, choked out response; further infuriating him as a sign of disrespect. In one swift movement, the Grand Highblood threw her across the room into one of the painted walls.

"I said all up and motherfucking made words at my motherfucking think pan!" he yelled, raising one of his juggling clubs and ready to strike.

He was done with this motherfucking game; it wasn't fun anymore and he was tired of seeing this motherfucker move. His mirthful mural was needing some more motherfucking indigo anyway. Before he could bring the clubs down, though, the female coughed up a thick globule of blood, holding her hands up in defense.

"The Sufferer!" she yelled in a hoarse, broken voice.

He stopped in his tracks, his infuriated expression shifting to one of confusion as he tried to make sense of what she'd just said. In a flash of bright, candy red recollection, a flood of memories rushed to his motherfucking think pan. The Grand Highblood's clubs lowered some, and he instead pressed one hard into the female's chest. Between the wall and his club, it would be too motherfucking easy to just squish her like the useless bug she was beneath his motherfucking feet. That was just going to have to all up and wait though.

He needed some motherfucking answers right motherfucking now.

"You dare speak that motherfucker's name in my presence," he growled, pressing harder on her chest. "If you value your motherfucking pathetic life-"

"He's alive," she said quickly, the words practically pouring out of his mouth. "We saw him; or at least… His descendent. We saw the color of his blood; that bright, bright red of the Sufferer. Please, Grand Highblood, I'm pleading only for the life that I foolishly threw away. I-"

"Where the motherfuck is he."

"He… Um, he's in this shitty human… Troll…" she stuttered, appearing to have trouble with remembering the details.

"Um, uh, um! Well if you motherfucking know where he is then why isn't that motherfucker in my motherfucking throne block right the motherfuck now?" the larger troll yelled.

With that, he slammed his other juggling club down on her leg with enough force to completely crush and shatter its bones. The female screamed; a beautiful motherfucking scream that echoed off the walls of his throne block like music to his motherfucking auricular sponge clots.

"We… Were… Attacked," she said, her teeth gritted as she struggled to get out each word. "By another… Troll… The other… Two… Are dead… My ribs… Were broken but… I survived… To come back… And tell… You."

"You expect me to motherfucking believe that," the Grand Highblood growled, glowering down at her. "You expect me to motherfucking believe that some motherfucker out there single handedly took down three motherfucking subjugglators that were at least motherfucking competent enough to escape my motherfucking wrath? Just who the motherfuck is this troll? Speak words motherfucker or I'll cull you right motherfucking here."

"Your descendent," the female spat, pure hatred in her eyes as she met his glare. "He bore… Your sign."

The Grand Highblood stayed still for a second, mulling the matter over in his think pan. His descendent had protected the Sufferer's descendent; candy red blood, his sign, it all added up.

It had finally motherfucking happened.

He was silent for a several long minutes, unaffected by the pained grunts and whines of the female with the crushed leg beneath him. Eventually, though, he tilted her chin up with his juggling club, smiling a sharp, sardonic grin at her as he forced eye contact.

"So tell me, motherfucker," he said now in a barely audible whisper. "Where is this motherfucking city? Tell me and maybe I'll spare your miserable, pitiable life."

"That experimental human and troll city," she answered; now speaking clearly. "It was the only place where we were accepted after thoughtlessly leaving your benevolent kingdom, Grand Highblo-"

Another swift swing of his juggling club and the female's head was snapped clean from her shoulders, rolling lifelessly across the floor and speckling it with rich, indigo blood. It wasn't like she couldn't have seen that coming; he had all up and motherfucking told her he hadn't felt too motherfucking patient.

Despite her being a worthless, shameful excuse for a subjugglator, she had all up and given him some very important motherfucking information.

There was only one thing still stuck in his think pan; what the motherfuck had his descendent had been thinking? Maybe he didn't feel the same urges, hear those same motherfucking voices telling him to make that cherry blooded motherfucker scream? He would need to be taught, the Grand Highblood decided; he couldn't have some troll sharing his sign and running around saving lowblooded motherfuckers. It wouldn't take much work to track the troll down; he'd find this supposed descendent of his and correct him. Maybe he'd take him under his motherfucking clubs if the mirthful messiahs would all up and let him. Perhaps he could even use the mutant blooded troll as a tool to help with this.

After all, now he knew where to find that motherfucker.

And he would find him.

That motherfucker wasn't getting away from him again.

The Grand Highblood's eyes closed, and he took in the scent of the female's body already picking up the familiar scent of blood and death. It always smelled the same; no death gave him nearly the same amount of mirth it use to. When he was younger, fresh kills would always help to assuage the dark urges in his think pan. The more he killed, though, the more he'd want to kill. Murdering wasn't the fun, mirthful occasion that it use to be so many motherfucking sweeps ago. If he could get his hands on that candy blooded motherfucker though, maybe he could feel that same miraculous mirth again.

One last motherfucking time.

Opening his eyes once more, the large troll looked at the single, bright red splash of blood on the wall; a spot that was untainted by any other color. Yes, the Grand Highblood had been expecting something like this to happen for a long time now.

The female's body was bleeding onto the floor of his throne block, and he decided that it would just be a motherfucking waste not to use all that mirthful paint for something. He casually strode over to the doors of the throne block, almost wishing he could kill the female all over again for leaving them motherfucking open. The block had to be dark for him to make some motherfucking miracles; they wouldn't work any other motherfucking way. Every real motherfucking subjugglator knew that the wicked pictures only made a truly miraculous mural if they were painted in darkness; their true mirth could only be revealed when the paintings were all up and motherfucking done.

Next to his doors, though, just outside in the hallway was a familiar black basket that he recognized all too well. A jade blooded troll must have motherfucking been here to drop off some more wicked paints. He almost had more motherfucking paint right now than he all up and knew what to do with. Indigo eyes looked about the area, failing to find an unfamiliar motherfucker; only the usual palace highbloods and guards were about.

Whoever the motherfuck was here, they were gone now.

* * *

Kanaya dashed out of the subjugglator palace; her feet thundering against the ground as she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. That female must have been one of the highbloods that had attacked Karkat, and now the Grand Highblood knew he was a mutant, but worse than that…

He knew where Karkat was.

Lipstick held firmly in her hand, the rainbow drinker wasn't about to take any chances with these indigo blooded psychos; if they wanted to try and stop her, they'd be met with the revving end of her chainsaw. Her mind was racing with each step; should she call Karkat or tell him via messenger? What if one of the highbloods saw the message; they'd find him even faster then. This was also the Grand Highblood; leader of the subjugglators and the most dangerous of them all. If he wanted to hunt down and cull Karkat, he had just about every mean at his discretion to make that happen. Even with all of the warning in paradox space, the group would still be helpless to fight him off. He'd likely come after the Cancer with an army; Karkat would need all the help he could get. Besides all that, if Kanaya didn't tell him in person she couldn't be sure that Gamzee didn't find out about any of this.

The last thing any of them needed was for the Capricorn to revert back to sober murder mode.

There was no two ways about this; she had to go back and warn the others. With any luck, she'd be able to beat the highbloods to the city; there was no time to waste. She'd stuff as much as she could into her sylladex and head out immediately.

Her duties in the brooding caverns would have to wait.

If she didn't warn them in time, Karkat would be culled.


	23. G4MZ33 4ND K4RK4T 4RT3D

G4MZ33 4ND K4RK4T 4RT3D

Karkat paced back and forth next to his barstool, trying to collect his thoughts long enough to calm the fuck down. His sharp teeth gnawed fervently at his bottom lip, bright red eyes locked on the floor.

He kissed Gamzee.

He kissed Gamzee.

He fucking kissed Gamzee.

The nubby horned troll couldn't make sense of it; why had he done that? Why hadn't Gamzee told him? More than that, why the fuck had he been talking to Kanaya about it? Why didn't she tell him before now? Were they keeping something from him? Had Gamzee been flushed for him before this happened? Had he been acting differently towards him this whole fucking time and he was too much of a fuckass to notice? Oh gog, he kissed his moirail; they weren't supposed to kiss, their relationship was fucking pale.

So why the fuck had it happened?

Unsuccessful in his current attempt not to completely freak out, the Cancer forced himself to sit back down in his barstool. His claws immediately took to nervously tapping on the bartop, and sitting down didn't really seem to be making him feel that much better. What was he going to do now? They were still blockmates, after all, and he was eventually going to have to deal with this shit. It was one thing to know that his moirail was a fucking psychopath who got high all the time and occasionally killed someone, but this was a whole different can of fuckassery if it also turned out that said clown really did harbor red feelings for him.

Okay calm down, calm down.

The Cancer took several deep breaths, keeping them as slow as his racing vascular pump would let him. He needed to relax and figure this out; sitting around and flipping a human hoofbeast shit all over the place wasn't going to fix anything. Before he could talk to Gamzee about anything even remotely relating to his feelings, flushed or otherwise, Karkat had to answer one very important question; how did _he _feel about his moirail?

Well… How did he feel?

The nubby horned troll realized with a bit of surprise that he'd never really thought about it before. Ever since that time on the asteroid, they most naturally fell into the pale red quadrant; that was an imitable fact that Karkat was stating for the record. He had been the only one able to calm Gamzee's psycho clown ass down when he was on a murdering spree, and the Capricorn was able to deal with and calm down his bullshit on a daily basis. Moirails kept each other in check, and they definitely did that for each other.

What moirails didn't do, though, was kiss each other.

This one was obvious; Karkat had, for whatever reason crossed that line of them being palemates and had fucked shit up. Wow, big fucking surprise; he managed to fuck up his one stable quadrant. Wait, focus; self-loathing later, figuring shit out now. Okay, so he was the one to spark this wavering of their relationship, now he just had to figure out why.

Fuck, that was how this whole thought started!

He was going in fucking circles.

The Cancer growled to himself, slamming his head down on the bartop in frustration. Why? Why had he kissed Gamzee? He couldn't even remember if he had liked it or not; he'd been too fucking out of it at the time. He hadn't liked it… Right? Oh gog, what if he had? How would he know? Did he want to kiss Gamzee? Was this some twisted, fucked up secret subconscious shit or whatever?

No matter how much he replayed the scene in his mind, though, he couldn't remember why he had kissed Gamzee; it just made no fucking sense. Karkat sighed, lifting his head from the bartop to glare at his respiteblock door. He was too fucking tired to deal with this right now; he'd spent all day getting that ridiculous homework done, and he still had to do that art thing the next morning. Going in there, though, would mean he'd have to come face to face with Gamzee and-

"Meow."

"JEGUS FUCK!"

Karkat lurched backwards, startled by Miracle's sudden appearance on the bartop, and unceremoniously joined the barstool in toppling to the ground. The Cancer rubbed his head, trying to will away the pain from hitting it, before meeting the kitten with the full force of his rage and confusion. She was getting bigger, a little less than twice the length she use to be, and now had this nasty little habit of sneaking up on him and basically causing him to flip the fuck out.

"Gog fucking damn it cat!" Karkat growled, lifting Miracle up under her forelegs. "Do you have any fucking clue how much I don't need your bullshit right now? Huh? Oh what's that, can't fucking talk now that someone's calling you on your bullshit? Fuck you cat!"

Miracle said nothing, being a cat, but cocked her head to the side as Karkat rambled on. The nubby horned troll continued to glower accusingly at her, but he finally set her back down onto the bartop.

"I'm yelling… At a meowbeast," Karkat mumbled to himself, rubbing his tired eyes. "I must be out of my fucking think pan."

He was too tired for all of this bullshit right now; fuck the awkward whatever between him and Gamzee. Karkat was going to walk right into that respiteblock, climb into the warm embrace of his recuperacoon and sleep so the world could just fuck off.

The nubby horned troll hesitated outside of the block, though, staring down at the doorknob as if there was a very real possibility of it reaching out and biting him. He really didn't want to go in there and have a feelings jam this late at night. Still, Gamzee hadn't said anything; it had been a combination of his own remembering and talking to Kanaya that had caused him to feel this way now.

He just had to go in, play it cool, and ignore the clown.

Okay.

Here goes.

Without a second thought, Karkat quickly opened the door and stormed inside, a deep frown on his face as he prepared to face whatever was on the other side. Those bright red eyes instantly fell to Gamzee lying on the couch covered in bike horns.

Asleep.

Karkat's anxiety left him in one quiet but heavy sigh, and he silently went over to his recuperacoon. After his morning shower earlier, he'd put on another set of pajamas so he was already set to just flop right into the nourishing sopor slime.

And that was exactly what he did.

* * *

The next morning, the rich scent of French toast and syrup filled the apartment-stem; a testimony to what was likely Jade and Gamzee cooking in the kitchenette. Such a pleasing aroma was lost on Karkat, though, who was too far tucked into his recuperacoon's slime to catch the scent. Unbeknownst to him, he had already slept through the majority of breakfast that the others were now starting to clean up from. All of this meant that, instead of being woken up gently by the delicious, pungent smells of a fresh breakfast, Karkat was woken up by something else.

Or rather, someone else.

A long, grey arm reached into his recuperacoon, ruffling his hair until he slowly began to wake up. Karkat blearily blinked up at the sensation, and went from half-awake to startled at the intruding arm. The slime muffled his yelp at the discovery, and a scowl was already beginning on his face. He swatted the appendage away, backing up into his recuperacoon to try and see through the slime whose arm it was. Far too fucking thick to let him see outside of the opening, Karkat instead crawled to the recuperacoon's entrance, eager to chew out someone first thing in the morning.

"Can't a troll get five gogdamn-" he grumbled, but then stopped as he was met face to face with the lazy, painted grin of his moirail.

His moirail that he had kissed.

A faint blush definitely did not rise to Karkat's cheeks, and he quickly pushed Gamzee back before climbing out of the recuperacoon. It was too fucking early to deal with this bullshit, and worse than that he was still covered in sopor slime.

"I'm going to take an ablution," the Cancer declared to the clown watching him go.

"Honk," Gamzee answered. "I all up and saved you a plate of breakfast, best motherfucking friend. I put it in that bitchtits microwave machine to keep Miracle from getting it."

"Whatever, fine, thanks," Karkat said, shutting the door to the ablution block.

The nubby horned troll quickly disrobed, throwing his slimy clothes into a bundled up heap on the ground, before getting into the ablution trap. Stupid emotional feels could just fucking wait; he had a lot of shit to do today gog damn it.

He wasted no time twisting on the hot water and stepping in, eager to wash off that early morning grime. Yesterday he'd been too fucking lazy to wash his hair, so now he had two days worth of filth to scrub out of it; another brilliant token to his shitty as fuck foresight. Squeezing out a glob of shampoo into his hands, he slathered it onto his head and began to work the suds into a lather. His claws dug furiously at what he imagined were giant, disgusting clumps of dirty hair gunk, and once he was satisfied that it had all been washed enough, he tilted his head forward to rinse out the shampoo. Deciding it was taking too fucking long, though, he then began running his fingers through his hair to help with this.

Moving far too quickly and sloppily to be careful, it had completely caught him by surprise, then, when his wrist lightly brushed over the nubbed tip of his right horn. The Cancer froze, save for the soft shiver that ran through his body, and he instinctively bit back a soft moan. A bright red blush came to his face now, and after recovering from the unexpected stimulation he continued to, more carefully, finish cleaning off.

The last thing he needed right now was let 'little Karkat' out of his cave.

He was fucking confused enough as it was, and who knew what would come out of the woodwork then.

Karkat finished cleaning, now taking care not to hit any sensitive areas, and he turned the water off. The day had just begun and his number one priority was to get that stupid art project done. School was basically for idiots and a huge waste of time, but he wasn't about to fail at it and look like some fuckwit wiggler. After he finished that stupid project, then maybe he'd try to talk to Kanaya about this whole Gamzee situation.

After all, she clearly seemed to know more about this than she would fucking admit to him.

Despite his irritation in her delay to tell him, Karkat quietly decided that talking to Kanaya would definitely be the best course of action. She was freakishly good at playing auspistice to the world so maybe, just maybe, she could even help a confused, nubby horned fuckass like him figure out his own feelings.

* * *

_His guard is down._

Bro, he's all up and getting his motherfucking clean up time on.

_When?_

Have to be motherfucking patient; I've got a wicked plan motherfucker.

_Plans are for the weak; you're a highblood, take what's yours._

Soon bro.

Motherfucking soon.

* * *

One reheated plate of French toast with syrup later, Karkat was cleaning up his nutrition plateau. His think pan was still scrounging for ideas on what to do for that stupid art project, and it had thus far turned up empty. Art was just so fucking stupid; what was even the gog damn point?

He'd gone out to the store after school on Friday to get various art looking materials, the most important of which was a large canvas that he decided he was going to paint something on. Since he'd only bought one, though, he figured he should probably plan out what he was going to put on it so he didn't fuck it up.

Digging through the kitchenette drawers until he found a pad of paper and a pencil, Karkat climbed up into a barstool and set to work. Maybe he could make a painting of Crabdad? He didn't really have anything to remember him by, so a painting of him could be kind of okay.

His head was kind of like, a circle right? There, one fucking awesome circle. His neck was kind of attached to the rest of his body which was lots of squares; or at least, that was how Karkat drew it. He had thin arms so those could just be lines, and two half circles with triangles on the end could be his pinchers.

Karkat set his pencil down, looking at the awkwardly placed together collection of shapes that was supposed to be Crabdad. No, no, that didn't look anything fucking like him. Growling irritably, the Cancer crumbled up the paper and threw it to the ground. Whatever, drawing his lusus would have been a stupid idea anyway; it was too fucking hard. It would be much easier to draw…

The nubby horned troll looked around the apartment stem, trying to find something that wouldn't be so complicated or have so many shapes. His bright red eyes finally stopped on Miracle cleaning herself by the window; maybe he could draw that stupid fucking cat.

Alright, starting with the circle head. Her body was kind of like a wobbly oval, and she had two triangles for ears. A small oval for the nose, two circles for eyes and-

Karkat crumbled up this work too, even more frustrated with how it was turning out.

Why was this so fucking hard?

Okay, circle, square, triangle- No.

Wait, circle, oval- No.

No.

No.

NO.

All around Karkat's barstool, wadded up pieces of paper were beginning to pile up. Every time he'd start on a new one, he'd take a second look at it and then throw it away as well. How the fuck did people do this? Art shouldn't give him this much fucking trouble! Maybe he should get that bullshit textbook and-

"Honk."

"Fuck off Gamzee," Karkat said absentmindedly, now trying to draw a flower.

Mid-petal the Cancer realized who he was talking to, causing him to nervously bite down on his bottom lip. His eyes warily glanced to the taller troll who was now stooped over picking up the discarded papers and unfolding them. Karkat's expression morphed into a scowl, and he tried to snatch the papers up before Gamzee could see.

"Don't fucking look at them!" he snapped, a light blush in his cheeks as he tried to grab back the ones Gamzee was studying. "Jegus fuck, give them back!"

It definitely didn't help that, once he stood up, Gamzee was a fucking giant that could hold the papers just out of Karkat's reach. This was a fact he took advantage of, of course, and he appeared to be ignoring the nubby horned troll's angry yelling. Romantic tension bullshit aside; the Cancer really didn't have time to deal with his moirail's bullshit.

"Karbro," the Capricorn said, smiling lazily at the papers still in his hand. "Are you having some motherfucking trouble with your art project?"

"No! Who the fuck has problems with art? It's fucking stupid," Karkat grumbled, crossing his arms defensively. "I can do it; I'm just trying to figure out what to paint. It's called planning; something that kind of helps, fuck you very much."

"Planning?" Gamzee asked, finally handing over the papers and taking up the barstool next to his moirail. "Bro, art's not all about motherfucking planning."

"Oh really? Well thanks for that fucking helpful tidbit of information. Seriously, that's probably the most useful advice in all of paradox space. So then, since you're clearly the fucking art genius why don't you tell me; what _is_ art 'all about' fuckass? I'm literally fucking dying to know. Please, save my life and enlighten me about the mysteries of this stupid musclebeast shit."

Gamzee slowly reached up a hand to scratch at the underside of his chin, and he seemed to be actually trying to come up with an answer. Karkat raised an eyebrow at this, wondering momentarily how his moirail was able to focus enough to remember the question. Whatever, it was probably for some bullshit reason that had to do with miracles and he wasn't about to open that can of worms.

"Shit Karbro," the tall troll said, shrugging his shoulders. "Art's about just going with what all up and feels right in your vascular pump. Just motherfucking slapping some bitchtits shit together and seeing what miracles motherfucking happen from it."

"… What? Okay, that basically doesn't make any sense. You can't just make up- Where the fuck are you going?"

Gamzee was now walking away, heading over to the canvas and bags of art supplies that Karkat had purchased. One by one, he took out and glanced over the materials and set them all together in a heap on the floor. He then picked up red paint and began removing its plastic safety seals. Karkat nervously watched him for a second, but his curiosity finally got the better of him and he ended up venturing over.

The canvas had been propped up between the back of the couch and the wooden flooring, the bag of supplies resting haphazardly next to it. The taller troll sat with his legs crossed, that usual slouch making him appear to be shorter than he actually was, and the Cancer carefully knelt down next to him. Just what the fuck was his moirail up to?

"What are you doing? Don't fuck up my art project Gamzee," Karkat said, warily eying him. "I don't have time to go out and get another giant board thing."

"Don't worry about it, best motherfucking friend," the Capricorn said. "It's what art's motherfucking about. You can't sit around all up and getting your stress on about whether or not things will get messed up. Art's a motherfucking miracle like that; making mistakes just makes shit that much more motherfucking interesting."

Before Karkat could object about how completely fucking stupid that was, Gamzee took hold of his wrist and poured out some of the red paint into his hand. The nubby horned troll wasn't quite sure how to react to this, but the light blush that had been making its way to his cheeks was instantly drained out with fury over the unexpected sensation.

"Seriously Gamzee? What the fuck?" the Cancer growled, carefully pulling his hand away so as not to spill anything.

"Trust me Karbro," Gamzee said, smiling in that familiar way to him. "Use those motherfucking feelings on the canvas. Paint me some wicked pictures best friend."

"No, fuck you, this is stupid," Karkat grumbled, getting up. "I fucking bought those weird stick things with the hair on the end. You use shit like that to art, not your fucking hands. I'd get the stupid fucking paint everywhere and then Jade would be all up my nook bitching at me for it," he rambled on, making his way over to the kitchenette. "And now I have fucking nasty red paint all over my hands. As if I didn't have enough shit to deal with trying not to be culled on a daily basis, no, why don't we just go painting my blood color all over the place and… Are you even fucking listening to me?"

Karkat turned back around to his moirail, his irritable expression softening some as he saw Gamzee painting bright, strange shapes in indigo across the canvas with his hands. He'd drag his palms into thick circular motions, and then have his fingers trail out from there. Those sharp, tipped points of his claws made much finer, barely there lines that he'd interrupt with tiny circles from his fingertips. The small section he was working on was already beginning to morph into an intricate but smooth design, and Karkat found that he was actually kind of interested in what Gamzee was working on.

He stood there for a few moments, just watching his moirail silently work and paint, before glancing down to the still wet lump of red cupped between his own hands. Karkat's expression morphed into a scowl once more, and he rolled his red eyes at how much of a waste of time this shit was. Begrudgingly, though, he went back over and resumed his position next to Gamzee. The taller troll didn't seem to notice, or if he did he didn't seem to react, and so Karkat just quietly sat there, studying the red puddle in his hands. He waited a few seconds more, almost expecting the Capricorn to acknowledge him, and without saying a single word he tentatively reached out a red, dripping hand to an unpainted, pure stretch of canvas.

For whatever stupid reason, Karkat found this activity to be strangely soothing to him. The slick, slippery paint felt nice in his hands and trailed effortlessly onto the uniformed texture of the canvas. Every now and then he'd glance over to Gamzee, wondering if he was doing it right or just fucking things up, but the clown seemed to be off in his own world as he worked. They painted in silence, which was good because Karkat was getting pretty fucking tired of the sound of his own voice, and for once, the nubby horned troll's thoughts and worries were put to rest. There wasn't the constant threat of culling, there wasn't romantic tension or confusion about his feelings, and there wasn't anyone else in that moment.

There was only the paint and the canvas.

Indigo and red.

Gamzee and Karkat.

The shapes they made together weren't something that Karkat could have explained; they weren't simple like the circles or triangles he'd been drawing earlier. With each drag and swipe of his hand, though, he could see the painting beginning to blend together more and more. The strange mixture of indigo and red seemed to mesh nicely together.

Almost as if they were made for each other.


	24. MOTHERFUCKING secrets :oD

MOTHERFUCKING secrets :oD

Kanaya sat on the red, cushiony seat of the train; her jade and yellow eyes staring out at the dark, passing scenery of her window. Due to the experimental nature of the human-troll city and the constant threat of attacks outside from extremists of both species, there was no real direct route for Kanaya to return. She'd taken a bus a short distance to arrive at the train station, and after boarding she was only just now getting a moment to think over what she was doing. Her think pan was abuzz with thought, trying to piece together everything. Distressing though her warnings were, it was imperative that she fill Karkat in as much as she could about what she'd learned. However, going back also meant that she would have to meet Rose face to face once more.

It was something she wasn't quite sure how to feel about.

The rainbow drinker shifted in her seat, straightening up some against its back as she was reminded of the girl. She breathed out a soft sigh and tried to collect her thoughts; keeping them on track with so many different matters at hand was proving to be quite difficult. She was also curious to see firsthand the interactions now between Gamzee and Karkat. It appeared that Karkat finally understood the depth of what she'd been hinting at regarding Gamzee's red feelings, but she hadn't spoken much to him since. From what she could gather, though, he was both shocked and confused over this new development, and he didn't seem sure of how to proceed.

It was a state of mind she was quite familiar with herself.

There was still a long way to go till she'd be near the city; the train ride itself was going to take up two more days. It probably didn't help that she'd moved to such a far away troll city either, but that was beside the point.

A light buzz in Kanaya's pocket pulled her away from her thoughts, and she hesitated only a moment before pulling out her cell phone. Interestingly enough, it was Karkat himself who had sent her a text. She clearly had the time to talk, but she wasn't about to let details of the nature of her visit slip over an unsecure medium. For now, she decided, she would just have to keep her friends in the dark.

* * *

Karkat's pencil tapped nervously on the desk, and every so often he'd glance over to his moirail sitting nearby. It was only the start of the week, and his think pan was already so muddled up that he couldn't focus on his classes. He was officially more fucking confused than ever about this whole Gamzee situation, and no matter how much he thought about it he couldn't seem to find an answer.

Did he like him?

Well, okay fuck, he liked him as a moirail obviously.

But what about more than that?

Maybe he was flushed, and it was just too early for him to be able to tell? This whole thing was just completely fucking weird. No one else had this kind of problem with their quadrants; moirails were pale, matesprits were flushed. So how the fuck had he managed to cross over those two quadrants? They couldn't just stay in both… Not that they were official matesprits in the first place or anything anyway.

Jegus fuck! This was so fucking stupid!

Why the fuck had he kissed Gamzee? More than that, why the fuck couldn't he figure out why he had kissed him? He remembered the cupcakes, he remembered the movie, hell he even remembered how ridiculously messy their block had gotten with all the cupcake wrappers and empty Faygo bottles. Why was it so hard to remember what had been going through his mind then?

The Cancer shook his head, now completely sick of thinking about this bullshit. Fortunately, though, his lack of focus wasn't exactly killing him in his current class like it might have in Strife and Abscond 101; after all, art was kind of bullshit anyway. Karkat spared a quick, concealed glance of lime green eyes to the painting he and Gamzee had made propped up next to him. It actually hadn't turned out like complete shit, and he was almost irritated over the fact that he had to hand it over to his professor.

Looking across the room, Karkat spied Dave and Terezi; giggling and being stupid like usual instead of paying attention. If he remembered correctly, they each had a different class after this; Dave always got back to the apartment-stem before Terezi about two hours later than Karkat and Gamzee. Since it was Monday, the Libra likely wouldn't get back until later in the evening as usual. Either way, they were both too absorbed in their own fuckassery to notice Karkat's staring, so he soon abandoned this and went back to his own preoccupied thoughts.

This was his and Gamzee's last class of the day, and as soon as the long winded human up in the front shut his trap long enough to let them leave the nubby horned troll would be absconding the fuck out of there. He'd still have to walk to the apartment-stem with his moirail, though, and he was just sure it was going to be completely awkward as fuck. He definitely wasn't going to bring the matter up, of course, but it would still be the two of them tiptoeing around whether or not they were going to have a fucking feelings jam over this shit.

Or maybe he was the only one still thinking about it?

Karkat would get his answers soon enough, he figured, as the guy in the front finally shut the fuck up about his presentation which meant they were done for the day. Getting out of his seat, the nubby horned troll picked up his project and turned it in with the others that had yet to be presented. Explaining how a weird mash up of indigo and red was supposed to mean anything even remotely deep or complicated wasn't high up on Karkat's list of shit that didn't make him want to yell at someone, so he hadn't really volunteered to explain the piece like some of the other students had with their own works. Whatever, in a few weeks he could get the painting back and hide it in his block right next to his romcoms.

"You all up and ready to go, best friend?" Gamzee said, smiling down at him.

"Yeah, let's just fucking go already."

The Cancer hurried out of the room, a pace that was easily matched by Gamzee's long legged strides, and the two were soon leaving the school grounds. They were silent, for the most part, and Karkat decided that just made shit that much more fucking awkward. It was also kind of weird too; usually Gamzee would talk a mile a minute after leaving art class, babbling on about colors and miracles until Karkat told him to shut the fuck up. Not today, though, even though it was the one time the Cancer would have probably relished in the nonstop idiotic bullshit.

No, this quiet was very uncharacteristic of his moirail.

"So… What the fuck did you even make for your art project?" Karkat said, shifting his bag as he cautiously tried to make conversation.

"Shit, my project's a motherfucking miracle," Gamzee said, staring up at the sky.

The Cancer waited a few seconds, expecting the other to further elaborate on this, and he let out a frustrated sigh upon realizing he probably wasn't going to get a better answer out of his moirail. It wasn't as if he really cared all that fucking much, but now they were once more walking in this awkward silence. Fuck, they were probably going to walk the entire way there and Karkat would have to pretend that-

"Karbro."

The nubby horned troll stopped, hearing the voice of his moirail behind him instead of next to him, and he turned back to see the taller troll smiling lazily at him. Karkat raised an eyebrow at this, not quite sure of why the other had stopped.

"What?" he asked. "Quit being a fuckass and let's go."

"I'll meet you back at our bitchtits pad later," Gamzee said with a shrug. "I got some shit I all up and need to motherfucking do."

Karkat continued to look at him with unease, a hard frown settling onto his lips. Since when did Gamzee ever have 'shit to all up and motherfucking do'? As far as he knew, his moirail never really did anything past bumming around the apartment-stem cooking and bothering the fuck out of him.

"And what the fuck are you going to do?" Karkat asked warily. "As far as I can remember, you never fucking _do_ anything."

"Honk! Just some fun motherfucking shit," Gamzee went on, his smile widening some. "Maybe at the motherfucking park, shit brother, I just got to all up and do what's right in my vascular pump."

The nubby horned troll still wasn't very convinced, but this would give him a nice reprieve from the awkward silence shit he'd been trying to avoid anyway. Besides, when Gamzee was hopped up on sopor slime he was essentially harmless; a bit of a huge fuckass to be sure, but overall harmless nonetheless. Besides that, if he was just going to the park then he was probably just going to climb trees or hang upside down or do something equally stupid.

"Fine, whatever, don't fucking hurt yourself I guess," Karkat said, turning to continue on his way.

He was a bit skeptical, but he wasn't about to argue about having some time away from his moirail to think shit over. If he was lucky, Gamzee would be out for a while to give him plenty of peace and quiet; he'd get his homework done, try to figure this out on his own, and when that failed then he'd try to consult with Kanaya again.

This was probably going to be another long, confusing as fuck day.

* * *

"It seems like you're starting to get the hang of this," Rose said, a soft smirk on her lips. "Just keep at it and you'll eventually grasp the simplest concepts of botany."

"Ha ha. Very funny Rose," John said, frowning at his latest test grade. "I don't understand how you and Jade are so much better than me when it comes to this botany stuff. Didn't you both get A's?"

"Now John, there's no reason to start comparing your grades to ours," she went on, pausing to sip from her cup of tea. "Jade has been working with plants since she was young, so she has a natural edge."

"Yeah, and you're a smartypants know it all," he chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "Oh well, at least I passed this time, right?"

"Exactly. Improvement is improvement, no matter how small."

"Ha ha ha, there I go laughing again at how funny that totally was."

Rose snickered to herself, taking another long sip of tea before glancing out from the balcony. It was one of her favorite parts of the apartment, and she'd even been the one to pay for the elegant patio furniture that she and John were currently using. The sun was beginning to set; its rays casting a myriad of different colors in the sky heralding in the day's close. It was a beautiful sight; one that she'd been missing quite a lot lately. Since Kanaya's departure, she'd found that she enjoyed these moments basking in the sun's fading light to be much less pleasant.

After all, they use to watch this together.

"Rose?"

The Seer's thoughts were disrupted by John, and she glanced over to the concerned look of her friend. Not wanting to burden him with her own troubles, she forced herself to smile back at him before answering.

"Yes John?"

"Well… Geez, I hope you don't think I'm being super nosy or anything," he said, shifting in his chair. "But… Are you okay? I know you put up this big, tough front like nothing's wrong all the time… But I know you were really sad when Kanaya left, and I'm just kind of worried. You don't ever really talk about it, so I never really got a chance to see how you were doing."

"I don't think it nosy at all," Rose said, her smile dropping some. "I think it's very sweet of you to be concerned. I'm fine though, really… She was just a good friend, and I miss her presence. That's all."

"Oh, well okay then! I just didn't want you to feel like no one cared or anything. You know, to antagonize you or something! Haha!"

"While I'm sure you're perfectly capable of all the mind games and strange behaviors my mother had, rest assured that I shall respectfully restrain from reading your actions as anything but genuine concern and sincerity."

"Um… Okay!" John chuckled nervously, appearing to have only understood part of what she'd told him.

Rose giggled to herself, enjoying his readiness to change topics. His noticing struck her as quite troublesome though; if even John was picking up that she was still quite upset, then it must be obvious to everyone else. Of course, this fact didn't change much either way; she _was_ still dealing with the pain of Kanaya's departure. The glowing troll had left so many months ago now that the Seer honestly thought herself quite silly to be dwelling on it, but she couldn't help herself.

They'd had a connection; no one ever understood her quite like Kanaya had.

"I think I'm going to go inside," Rose said, getting up from her chair. "My readers are expecting my newest chapter to post today."

"Oh right, that online story thing?" John asked, propping his feet up on the table.

"Yes, Land Of Irony And Wizards."

"Alright, well, don't keep them waiting I guess!"

Rose nodded in response and then turned to head inside. She hadn't exactly lied; the online community that followed her story was expecting her latest chapter today. However, it was a chapter she'd already written and posted earlier that day. No, she just wished to return to her former solitude to rebury her wounded feelings about Kanaya. One way or another, eventually she was going to have to get over this.

Kanaya was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

* * *

Jade stood in the kitchenette, carefully lining a pan with a fresh, crisp sheet of aluminum foil. She was feeling like a steak dinner tonight, which meant there was a lot to get done. Usually Gamzee was around to help her out, but when Karkat had gotten home afterschool he'd been alone.

Apparently the taller troll was at a nearby park?

She wasn't really sure.

What she was certain of, though, was that she didn't want to risk dinner running late which meant she had to start preparing right now. The others wouldn't be expecting to eat until about 8:30, so she had about two and a half hours to make salads, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a desert for everyone. The desert was a bonus, but would be a nice surprise and a change from the usual. However, it also meant that she had even less time to get everything together.

Perhaps she'd make a pie?

Or muffins?

Jade decided that the desert would tentatively go in the 'maybe' category for now, and she sprayed the lined pan with a vegetable based cooking spray. Salads would be the easiest to start with; after all, she, Rose, and Terezi were the only ones who enjoyed salads with their meals. Three salads meant that it was simply a matter of throwing several vegetables together into bowls and setting out the dressing.

The Witch went over to the fridge, digging out the various ingredients for the salads as she thought of them. As she was forming a fairly precariously stacked tower of vegetables, a twitch of her Becsprite ears alerted her to someone entering the apartment-stem. She raised an eyebrow at this, wondering who it could be, and she carefully set the salad ingredients onto the counter.

"Oh, hello Gamzee," Jade said, smiling a buck toothed grin at the troll as he entered. "I was wondering when you were going to be back. We have a lot to prepare for dinner! Um… But you might want to wash up first. You're a little bit dirty…"

The Capricorn's face makeup was smudged and messed up, but his usual smile still held true. His hair was even messier than usual, with a sort of orangish mud and clumps of grass clinging to various sections. The strange mud was in more than just his hair, Jade noted, and her nose wrinkled some at the weird scent it held. Gamzee's arms and hands were also covered in the weird substance that Jade decided must be some kind of clay mixture, but it was mostly concentrated to his fingers. It was dried off and therefore not tracking or dripping anywhere, but either way the troll needed to clean up before touching anything related to cooking.

"Sure thing motherfucker," Gamzee said, walking over to his and Karkat's room.

"What is that anyway?" Jade said, turning her attention back to the salads. "Were you playing in the mud?"

There was a pause then, and after a few seconds the Witch looked up to see why Gamzee hadn't answered. The taller troll was still just standing outside of his room, almost as if Jade's question had stopped him.

"… Gamzee? Did you hear me?"

"… I played all up in that motherfucking mud," the tall troll said, chuckling a bit as he spoke. "Painted all kinds of motherfucking miracles with the mud for the mirthful messiahs."

Well, that was kind of a strange answer.

"Oh, well… Alright then Gamzee… Go clean up and you can help make dinner. If you want to," Jade said, not sure why she was suddenly feeling nervous.

"You got it bitchtits woofbeast sis," he answered, exiting into his room.

Jade shrugged, shaking her head dismissively as she went back to work. Gamzee always acted a bit strangely; he probably just really had fun playing in the mud or something.

Now, with his help she should have more than enough time to make dinner and that dessert. Two pies would be perfect; she could make the one a sort of ice cream pie for everyone to join in and enjoy. Since the Capricorn was always so helpful in the kitchen, Jade decided she'd make a smaller pie especially for him. She wouldn't put any of that gross troll slime in it, but she figured that he'd probably still enjoy a nice, fresh pie. Maybe she could find that recipe he'd found online for Faygo pie?

* * *

- - You sent - -

KANAYA I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO.  
I JUST  
FUCK  
I KNOW YOUR BUSY WITH YOUR STUPID GRUB SHIT, SO I GUESS JUST MESSAGE ME BACK WHENEVER YOU GET THIS.

- - Today 7:38 pm - -

Karkat read over the text again, anxiously shifting on the couch. No matter how he laid or sat, he couldn't seem to get comfortable. The television was playing some stupid as fuck sitcom, and the nubby horned troll really only had it on as background noise in an attempt to keep his mind preoccupied while he awaited a response.

How did he feel about Gamzee?

How the fuck was he supposed to know?

The Cancer growled, rolling over once more so that his feet were hanging over the side. This whole situation was just ridiculous; he was pretty much an expert on all things romance, and yet he couldn't figure out his own shit worth a flying fuck. Kanaya was now his only hope; she would know what to do. The rainbow drinker always knew what to do, and if nothing else it would be really fucking helpful to have someone to talk to about this shit.

Staring down his cell phone, Karkat perked up when the screen lit to alert him of a new message. He quickly sat correctly on the couch, crossing his right leg under his left as he opened the text and quickly tapped out a reply.

- - Kanaya sent - -

I Apologize For The Delay  
There Were Other Matters That Required My Attention  
I Should Be Available For Some Time Now Though  
So What Would You Like To Talk About  
Assuming You Are Still There

- - Today 7:56 pm - -

- - You sent - -

THANK JEGUS FUCK!  
OKAY, I KNOW I'M BASICALLY A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT AND USELESS IN EVERY FUCKING SENSE OF THE WORD,  
BUT I'M AT A LOSS HERE.  
I DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK I FEEL ABOUT GAMZEE.  
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?  
ARE YOU SURE HE'S FLUSHED FOR ME?  
MAYBE HE MEANT SOMETHING ELSE.  
HE'S KIND OF A FUCKASS, YOU KNOW.

- - Today 7:57 pm - -

Karkat tapped nervously on his phone's screen, willing Kanaya with every fiber of his think pan to answer quicker. He didn't want to risk calling her; no one else could know about this shit going on. Fuck, it was bad enough that she knew and continued to know.

After several ridiculously long minutes, she replied.

- - Kanaya sent - -

It Is Perfectly Normal To Feel Confused  
I Believe That It Would Almost Be Abnormal To Be Completely Certain On Any Matter Regarding The Subject Of Romance  
In Fact  
I Am Pretty Sure We Have Had Conversations In The Past About How Confusing Relationships Can Be At Times  
But I Digress  
If It Helps I Believe He Is Just As Confused About His Feelings For You As You Are For Him  
At Least He Was When We Last Spoke Quite Some Time Ago

- - Today 7:59 pm - -

- - You sent - -

WOW, THAT WAS BASICALLY COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS.  
YEAH, I'M COMPLETELY AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I SHOULD FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WITH CONFUSING SHIT IN ROMANCE.  
AND YES, BLUH BLUH BLUH, YOU AND I HAVE ALREADY FUCKING TALKED ABOUT THIS, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.  
SO HE'S CONFUSED TOO, HE SAID THIS TO YOU?

- - Today 8:00 pm - -

Okay, so if the taller troll was confused too then maybe shit wasn't that bad yet? Yeah, okay, if he was confused too then they were both confused and it wasn't just Karkat being a fuckass.

Still… It wasn't Gamzee who had initiated this change in their dynamic.

It was him.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Yes He Was Confused As Well  
Ever Since You Had Kissed Him He Had Been Uncertain Of His Feelings For You  
It Was This Expression Of Uncertainty And Confusion That Made Me Suggest That He Talk With You About This  
And We Both See How That Ended Up  
While We Are On That Matter Though  
Can I Assume You Have Had No Luck In Recalling Why You Had Kissed Him

- - Today 8:02 pm - -

- - You sent - -

YEAH, NO SHIT.  
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST FUCKING CLUE?  
SO HE'S CONFUSED AND I'M A FUCKASS.  
NOW WHAT?  
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP FUCKING THIS UP?

- - Today 8:03 pm - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

Have You Considered  
Perhaps Kissing Him Again Now That You Are Not Under The Influence Of Sopor Slime  
It Could Potentially Lend Some Insight As To How You Feel About Him

- - Today 8:04 pm - -

It was now Karkat who hesitated in responding, and he swallowed unconsciously as a light blush rose to his cheeks. He reread Kanaya's suggestion, allowing it to fully sink into his think pan.

Kiss Gamzee again?

He really… Hadn't thought of that.

As weird and fucked up as that thought kind of seemed, it actually made a lot of sense. If he kissed his moirail again and didn't like it, then he could finally put the matter to fucking rest. He'd know once and for all that whatever had happened had just been due to whatever weird shit sopor slime did to a troll's think pan, and he could move on with his fucking life.

But… What if he liked it?

Karkat's cheeks flushed brighter, and he shook his head to try and disperse his thoughts from the matter. He didn't like Gamzee like that; he definitely didn't like him like that… Right?

It was then that a different thought came to Karkat's think pan; what if he didn't like it, but Gamzee did? Jegus, what kind of a shitty moirail would he be trying to gauge his fucked up feelings by dicking around with the taller troll's own?

- - You sent - -

FUCK.  
KANAYA, I COULDN'T DO THAT TO HIM.  
BESIDES THE FACT THAT HE'S A HIGH IDIOTIC FUCK FOR THINK PAN IMBECILE THAT WORSHIPS CLOWNS,  
HE'S STILL MY MOIRAIL.  
I COULDN'T RISK HURTING HIM LIKE THAT.  
IT'S JUST KIND OF FUCKED UP, OKAY?

- - Today 8:07 pm - -

No matter how confused and riled up he was getting over this, he wasn't about to just throw Gamzee's feelings out like they were some sort of putrid smelling waste in the human garbage basket.

The Capricorn deserved better than that.

Hell, he deserved better than a moirail who would even consider doing such a thing.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Well Then  
Have You Maybe Considered Trying To  
Think Of Him In  
Lets Just Say  
That Way

- -Today 8:08 pm - -

- - You sent - -

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?  
'THAT WAY'?  
LIKE THINKING ABOUT HOW I KISSED HIM?  
NO SHIT, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT NOTHING BUT THAT.  
JEGUS FUCK, THAT'S KIND OF WHY I'M ASKING FOR YOUR GOGDAMN HELP.  
BECAUSE, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, IT'S CONFUSING THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

- - Today 8:10 pm - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

No Karkat  
I Dont Think We Are Discussing The Same Thing  
What I Mean Is Have You Tried Imagining  
Doing Certain Things With Gamzee  
Certain Things That You Would Not Usually Do With Your Moirail  
But Might Possibly Do With  
Say  
A Matesprit

- - Today 8:12 pm - -

Oh fuck, she just had to fucking bring up mating fondness.

Karkat's teeth bit nervously at his bottom lip, and his face felt warmer than it probably ever had before. Of course he hadn't fucking thought about doing shit like that with Gamzee; he wasn't a fucking pervert. Well, once or twice sometimes his mind would drift to the occasional thought or urge; he was of prime age to be leery of the imperial drones, but he still had some fucking self control.

The door opened suddenly, and Karkat immediately thrust his cell phone into his pocket, his candy red eyes guiltily looking up at the taller troll entering the room. Just as suddenly as he looked up at his unexpectedly dirty moirail, the nubby horned troll quickly locked his eyes on the shitty sitcom still blaring on the television.

"Yo Karbro," Gamzee said, crossing the Cancer's line of sight briefly as he continued on to the ablution block. "Just going to all up and get my motherfucking clean up time on. Dinner should be ready right on motherfucking time bro."

"Fine, whatever," Karkat mumbled, keeping completely still until he heard the ablution block door click shut.

Okay, he was done talking to Kanaya about feels for the night. Besides, as awkward as it was to even think about… That last suggestion of hers was probably at least worth a shot. He wouldn't be risking hurting Gamzee's feelings, and no one would ever know about it.

But not tonight.

He wanted answers but…

Maybe tomorrow.

He would definitely consider maybe thinking about his moirail 'in that way' tomorrow.


	25. SERIOUSLY JUST WHAT THE FUCK?

**A/N: Alright, going to get straight to the point to avoid rambling. One of the LOHAT readers inquired about whether or not intimate depictions between characters other than Gamzee and Karkat (like, say for example Terezi/Dave) would be present in the story. I've no personal opinions one way or the other, I'd just never really thought of it, so I pose the question to you all:**

*****Would you like to see intimate interactions between side characters depicted as well those between Gamzee and Karkat?*****

**If you have an opinion on the matter, let me know in any way you'd like; review, tumblr, pm, rock through my bedroom window with a note taped to it, however you'd like.**

**Enjoy chapter 25!**

SERIOUSLY JUST… WHAT THE FUCK?

A scream echoed through the night; swallowed up by the city's activity. The darkness gave unwitting cover to just another routine culling in a string of several others in the past week. This time it was a yellow blooded troll; one with an unfortunate lack of psychic prowess as fate would have it. His lifeless body was now riddled with deep, sharp dips throughout, making him look unnaturally lumpy. Pooling into the damp, grassy ground, his mustard yellow blood could scarcely be seen in the shadows as little more than a dark puddle beneath his body. He had died fairly easily after a shortly lived abscond, and his murderer had been the only troll present in the park he'd been corralled into. It all made little difference in the end, and now the lowblood was just another head to add to the collection.

Or it would be.

In one motherfucking second.

Gamzee wiped one of his juggling clubs off on the dead troll's shirt, and his wicked smile almost seemed to glow in the dark. Keeping one foot on his victim's chest, the Capricorn dug his claws tight into the troll's hair before pulling back with a hard, fast yank. There was the sickening sound of flesh tearing and bone cracking, but overall the head popped off quite easily.

He was getting better at this.

It was only natural, though; after all, this had been his fifteenth kill this week. The first head had been the sloppiest removal, and had arguably taken him the longest. He hadn't thought to take some sharp object to simply cut the head off, so he'd been at a bit of a loss. The highblood had tried to crush the troll's neck with one of his juggling clubs, but that had merely flattened the neck, it hadn't aided in the head's removal. He'd then tried shaking the troll around by his horns, to no avail, and had eventually thought to wedge the body between two tree branches. Gamzee had then simply torn the head off, similar to how he'd done with his latest victim.

The tall troll looked into the listless eyes of the severed head, his smile widening at how far he'd come in just a week. When he thought back on it now, he could almost all up and motherfucking remember how he'd felt earlier with that first kill. It had been Monday, and all motherfucking day his think pan kept switching between two mirthful urges.

Murder.

And Karkat.

It was all up and giving him a motherfucking serious case of harshed chill, and on his way home from the schoolhive he'd almost motherfucking lost it.

"_What?" Karkat asked. "Quit being a fuckass and let's go."_

_TAKE HIM MOTHERFUCKER._

_He all up and belongs to you._

He'd known he had to get away from Karkat; get away before he'd all up and motherfucking hurt his moirail. That was something that he just couldn't motherfucking stand for; he wasn't going to hurt that bitchtits motherfucker.

"_I'll meet you back at our bitchtits pad later," Gamzee said with a shrug. "I got some shit I all up and need to motherfucking do."_

_The mutant is yours._

_HE'S MOTHERFUCKING OURS MOTHERFUCKER._

The voice had been getting louder with each passing day; his urges growing stronger. It was all up and happening just like it had last time; his think pan and the voice were becoming one in the same motherfucking thing. That time in between was the hardest; it kind of felt like he was all up and losing his motherfucking self.

"_And what the fuck are you going to do?" Karkat asked, a hint of skepticism in his voice. "As far as I can remember, you never fucking do anything."_

Both of those urges together were just too motherfucking strong for one motherfucker.

"_Honk! Just some fun motherfucking shit."_

Something had to motherfucking give.

"_Maybe at the motherfucking park, shit brother, I just got to all up and do what's right in my vascular pump."_

_KILL ALL WORTHLESS LOWBLOODED MOTHERFUCKERS._

_Paint the wicked pictures with their blood._

_MAKE THEM KNOW THEIR MOTHERFUCKING PLACE._

_And protect Karkat._

"_Fine, whatever, don't fucking hurt yourself I guess," the Cancer said, turning to walk off._

_FROM OUR OWN MOTHERFUCKING SELF._

Gamzee casually tossed the head up, and then caught it as it came back down. He'd only killed one troll that first day but… It hadn't feel as okay as it did now. Monday had definitely been a hard motherfucking day that he didn't really want to all up and remember right now. Tuesday had been much easier; he'd gotten two trolls that day, and then doubled it on Wednesday with four.

Thursday was five.

And here he was on his third kill already tonight, and he was feeling pretty motherfucking chill about all of this.

Fifteen trolls were dead, but none of them mattered a single motherfucking bit. All that mattered was that as long as he killed these worthless lowbloods, he could keep his urges for Karkat under control. The more he killed, though, the more he needed to motherfucking kill to feel that same level of chill all up in his think pan.

Shit, there was that motherfucking itch again.

Gamzee wandered into the thicket of woods next to the park, maneuvering through the darkness until he came across a strange series of hilly sections in the dirt. Digging up a shallow, half-assed hole just large enough to partially bury the head, Gamzee then dropped his trophy in. He then filled in the empty spaces, covering up the remaining sections of exposed troll until a smooth, rounded new mound was added to the collection. As a final touch to hide his wicked acts, the indigo blooded troll scooped up two handfuls of dirt. He rubbed it into the yellow blood all up and motherfucking staining him with its motherfucking filth, creating a weird, muddy mixture that all up and got its cling on to him.

Now for the motherfucking body.

Dragging the headless corpse by its foot, Gamzee brought the body to the underside of a bridge that allowed cars to pass over a small creak that ran through the park. Needing to accommodate for the fairly heavy traffic of the human-troll city, the overpass created a broad stretch of tunnel that the Capricorn had decided was just too motherfucking perfect as a blank canvas for his mirthful paintings. There had been a lot of the same color blooded motherfuckers serving as his paint to the wall, and so he was going to make sure that he used every drop of this new, yellow blooded motherfucker to paint the wicked pictures. He'd paint until he was satisfied with the latest addition, and then he'd head back out again.

After all, the night was still young.

And there was culling to do.

* * *

Karkat sat on the couch, candy red eyes glaring down at the crotch of his pants. He'd concluded in the beginning of the week that he was going to… Well… Do stuff to thoughts about his moirail, but he still hadn't done it. Finding an excuse had always been easy before now; there were classes and homework and the ever looming presence of said moirail. However, four days later here he was on a Friday night.

Alone in his room.

His homework was done.

And he didn't have class the next day.

It had been about an hour ago that he'd first sat down and realized this, and since then he'd been having a silent stare down with his pants. Often times, Karkat found it too embarrassing and awkward to do this sort of thing anyway; he was always worried he'd get caught and have to try and explain himself. Having to do so now with so much riding on how he reacted to it was just completely nerve wracking. His whole dynamic with Gamzee could change based on his physical reaction to those thoughts.

So yeah, he was kind of fucking nervous about it.

Karkat rolled his eyes, letting out an irritable sigh; this was so fucking stupid. He was getting worked up over nothing; he'd try to think about Gamzee 'in that way', nothing would happen, and then he could move on with his fucking pathetic life. At this point, all he was doing was stalling and wasting time. He was just going to fucking do it, right now, no second thoughts.

Okay…

Here goes.

The nubby horned troll's hand tentatively moved to the hem of his pants, and he unconsciously began to hold his breath. This didn't last long, though, as a sudden growl emitted from his nutrition sack.

Karkat blushed, immediately standing up and placing his hands on his hips defensively. Of course! He was hungry as fuck! In fact, he couldn't remember a single fucking time he'd ever been this ridiculously hungry. How in pus spewing blood gutted hell was he supposed to fucking concentrate when he was this hungry? No no, this wouldn't work. He couldn't 'do that' on an empty nutrition sack! That was absurd; he'd get something to eat and then he'd do… That.

The Cancer stormed out of the room, almost instantly running into Terezi as he did so. Unnecessary embarrassment was replaced with fury as he glared up at the blind troll. She was snickering at him, and he really didn't want to deal with her bullshit right now.

"Wow Karkles," she said placing a coy finger on her chin. "You seem to be heading somewhere awfully fast."

"Fuck off! Where I do or don't head and how fast I do it is none of your fucking business," Karkat growled in response. "What the fuck are you doing here anyway? Is your human matesprit douchebag not entertaining enough for you? You have to go find someone else to annoy the living fuck out of?"

"There's no need to be jealous," she teased, sharp, toothy grin in place. "Especially when I'm just extending a friendly invitation."

"Invitation?" Karkat tried his best to keep a straight face, but the subtle upturn of his eyebrows betrayed his attempt to look uninterested. "To what?"

"It's Friday night," she cackled matter-of-factly, leaning back against the wall opposite from him. "Dave and I are heading to the club, and this time we're inviting all of you to come with us."

"Because that doesn't sound like the biggest fucking waste of time."

"Quit being so crabby! Everyone's going and it's going to be the greatest time ever. If you're going to be an angry nubby horned grub about it, the least you can do is tell Gamzee for me."

"Gamzee's not even fucking here!" Karkat snapped. "And even if he was, why the fuck would I invite him to something you're doing that I want no fucking part of? That doesn't even make sense!"

"He's not here? Where is he?"

"Fuck if I know. He keeps going out and doing shit, who even gives a flaming lump of snot."

"Ugh, you're always so grouchy," Terezi grumbled, turning to walk off. "If you change your mind later, that's where we'll be. I guess I'll just text Gamzee to see if he'd want to meet us there. Try not to be too jealous when we all have an awesome time without you."

"Jegus fuck, I don't care. Go away," Karkat answered, crossing his arms defiantly as he watched her leave.

The Libra was seriously fucking fried in her think pan if she thought for one second he'd be caught dead at some 'club'. What the fuck would he even do there? Dance around in the dark with a bunch of shitty, multicolored lights to music that was way too loud in a clusterfuck of trolls and humans who were way too close to each other?

No fucking thanks.

He had more important things to do; like getting this ridiculous hunger he had under control.

Karkat went to the kitchenette, digging through the thermal hull until he found the bagged up slices of pizza leftover from several nights ago. He threw two of them, both cheese, unceremoniously onto a plate and popped it in the microwave for two minutes. While he was waiting on that to finish heating up, he poured himself an ice cold glass of water to go with it. Twenty seconds before the microwave was done, he saw Dave and John leaving the apartment-stem, shortly followed by Terezi, Jade and Rose gossiping and chattering excitedly.

Fuckasses.

Rolling his eyes, he waited until he heard the microwave beeped to pull out his food. He picked up the plate and then wedged his glass of water into the crook of his elbow, squeezing lightly to make sure it wouldn't fall. Though it was a little uncomfortable, it would ensure that he had one hand free to open the door of his respiteblock. This plan went off without a single fucking hitch, and after entering he kicked the door closed behind him. It was a little early for one of the good human or troll sitcoms, but maybe he could find something on TV that wasn't complete and utter horsebeast shit to watch while he ate.

But after this, no more shenanigans.

As soon as he was done, he was going to get right on uh…

That thing.

* * *

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

K4RK4T?  
H4V3 YOU H34RD FROM G4MZ33 4T 4LL? :[  
1T'S 4LMOST 2:00 4ND H3 ST1LL H4SN'T R3SPOND3D TO MY L4ST T3XT.

- - Today 1:47 am - -

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

J3GUS, YOU TOO K4RK4T?  
WH4T'S 4 TROLL H4V3 TO DO TO G3T SOM3 4NSW3RS 4ROUND H3R3? :[

- - Today 2:35 am - -

- - T3R3Z1 sent - -

WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG TH4T H4S YOU SO BUSY 4NYW4Y? ;]  
YOU'R3 PROB4BLY CURL3D UP 1N YOUR R3CUP3R4COON L1K3 4 W33 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R 4FT3R 4 LONG D4Y OF Y3LL1NG 4ND B31NG CR4BBY.  
H3H3H3H!  
DON'T L3T TH3 B3D B34STS B1T3 K4RKL3S. ;]

- - Today 2:58 am - -

* * *

The train lurched to a stop in the station, gently rocking the cars just enough to jolt Kanaya awake. Jade eyes blinked open groggily, and it took the rainbow drinker a few moments to figure out where she was. She wasn't quite sure when she'd fallen asleep, and now she was feeling a bit confused.

That's right; she was on a train heading back to a station near the human-troll city.

Peering out of the window, it didn't take Kanaya long to conclude that, based on her surroundings, she had in fact arrived at said station. The Virgo stretched some in her seat before picking up her cell phone and the novel she'd been reading and placing them back into her sylladex.

It had taken a lot of traveling, but she was almost there.

Kanaya stepped off of the train, peering into the darkness in search of the cab she'd called earlier. The train had taken her the majority of the way, but there was still one last stretch of travel to go through. Being quite a distance away from the actual human-troll city, it would still take her several hours by taxi to arrive at the apartment-stem her friends were living in.

Her friends and of course, her flush crush.

The rainbow drinker sighed, rubbing her temples to try and ease her think pan. Perhaps she'd been overly hasty in her assumption that things wouldn't work between herself and the human girl? No, she'd only done what needed to be done; she was happy in the brooding caverns, and she knew that Rose was likely enjoying her college dreams.

Despite telling herself this, though, the Virgo didn't feel much better about the whole situation. She couldn't deny that she still very much missed the blonde human's company. In her weaker moments, she even found that she was prone to some… Well, less than appropriate thoughts involving Rose. This mattered very little, though, in the grand scheme of things; she couldn't have the human girl as a matesprit, and she just needed to deal with this and move on.

Still… It would be nice to see her again.

The sudden honk of a car horn disrupted Kanaya's thoughts, and she gave a soft smile to the headlights of a cab trying to get her attention nearby. Her focus was now renewed; the subjects of romance and star crossed lovers would just have to wait a little while. There were bigger aquatic beasts to fry and lives at stake here.

Or specifically, one life more immediately than others.

* * *

Karkat laid in the warm, thick slime of his recuperacoon; fidgeting this way and that as he tried to get comfortable. It was dark and quiet; circumstances that on any other night would have allowed for a welcomed, restful slumber. However, sleep didn't come easy to the Cancer.

He now had far too much on his mind.

The nubby horned troll had eventually held true to his self-made promise, and after eating dinner, finishing the sitcom he was watching, cleaning up, feeding Miracle and then cleaning out her litter box, he'd finally been able to postpone the deed no longer.

That was hours ago, and yet Karkat still couldn't seem to tear his thinkpan away from the matter. Outside of his recuperacoon, he could vaguely hear the light buzzing of his cell phone going off in the dark, but he couldn't really bring himself to get out of the slime to answer it. He didn't really feel like talking to anyone right now, and sleep was tactfully evading him as usual. Strangely enough, this didn't really fucking bother him as much as he would have thought it would. It was just as well, he had concluded, because he had a lot of fucking thinking to do anyway.

He'd finally gotten his answer.

But now he had to figure out what to do next.

Questions plagued his think pan, scenario after scenario, worry after worry; it was really as if nothing had been taken off his plate in the first place. It also didn't help to know that, if nothing else, whatever course of action he chose he was going to have to be as careful as fucking possible.

Jegus fuck.

No matter what, there was no way any of this was going to end well.


	26. Shedding Light On The Situation

Shedding Light On The Situation

It was about 7 am, and as usual Rose was the first one up. She'd always had a habit of waking up fairly early, and living in the apartment-stem seemed to enhance that. The next one up was usually Jade, but that probably wouldn't happen for another few hours. The Seer didn't mind these moments of early morning solitude; in fact, she quite enjoyed relaxing in the quiet of the apartment-stem with no concern for where the others were or what they were doing.

There was just her, her morning cup of tea, and a nice book.

She curled up in the corner of the couch in the living room, placing her teacup down on the coffee table before picking her way through her book to locate her bookmark. It had just been a simple little black bookmark with white skulls on it, and she had recently come to the conclusion that it was just small enough to fall shy of its full bookmark potential. Rose had considered replacing it for this reason, but she'd always decide that this little fault just gave the bookmark a little bit of character. The fact that it was too small just made it that much more interesting than being just a plan, cookie-cutteresque bookmark.

Deciding to abandon her thoughts on the bookmark, Rose quietly began reading through her book. Her mind was soon swept up in the world of dragons and princesses; of wizards and castles and daring quests. It was a rather good book, and it didn't take long for her to become fully absorbed in the tale. Reading this story surely would have eaten up the majority of her morning had she gone uninterrupted, but fate would not have it so as it intervened about two chapters later.

In the form of several loud, fast knocks on the door.

Rose's eyebrow quirked curiously at this, and she spared a quick glance to the clock next to the television; 7:34 am. Who would possibly think an unannounced visit so early in the morning would be courteous? It was quite rude, she concluded, and whoever it was clearly wasn't going to stop knocking anytime soon. Alas, it would fall upon her good nature to answer the door and confront the brute so determined to arouse the others from their slumber.

Replacing her bookmark, the Seer got up off the couch and undid the latches on the door. The sound of the various clasps falling free of their locks seemed to sate whoever was knocking as the banging finally came to a stop. For curiosity's sake, Rose took a quick look through the peephole. Her whole body went rigid, and she was certain she felt her heart skip a beat as she processed just who she was looking at.

It was Kanaya.

Rose hesitated, now trying to think of some sort of valid reason not to open the door. Such thoughts were short lived as she took notice that the troll was unusually anxious looking. As unexpected as Kanaya's return was, this appeared to be quite urgent; maybe she had decided to return to living in their apartment stem?

If only.

The Seer took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, her lilac eyes meeting the troll's own jade ones. Kanaya's anxious expression quickly melted into one of surprise, and her mouth hang agape as she appeared to be at a loss for words. Rose looked away, motioning for the Virgo to come inside.

"Hello there, Kanaya," she said. "I must say, we weren't quite expecting a visit from you; much less so early in the morning."

The Virgo said nothing for a few minutes, but it didn't take her long to compose herself. Her usual, confident expression was in place once more, and she finally responded.

"I do apologize for that," she said. "Have I awoken you?"

"While nothing would give me greater pleasure than to say 'yes' and sit through ten minutes of a heartfelt, lofty apology, I'm afraid that I was already quite awake. The others are still sleeping, but I'm assuming they are just as unaware of your intended visit as I was?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Kanaya said, nervously shifting her weight to her other leg. "Circumstances were such that alerting you all of my arrival might have held some… Consequences."

"Based on that statement alone," Rose went on, heading to the kitchenette now. "May I also safely assume that this is not merely a poorly timed social visit?"

"I wish it were," the rainbow drinker said softly, following the Seer.

"Tea?" Rose offered, plucking another teacup from the cabinets.

Kanaya's lips curved into a gentle smile, and she nodded at the offer, taking up a seat in the nearest barstool. The Seer picked out the proper packet from her abundance of flavors; jasmine tea was Kanaya's favorite, so she delicately plucked it out of the collection.

"It's been a while since we've last spoken," the troll said as Rose prepared the tea. "I'm not going to lie, the notion of speaking with you face to face once more was more than a little worrisome to me but… I've missed you Rose."

The Seer placed the teacup in front of Kanaya, responding only with a halfhearted smirk as she went to retrieve her own cup of tea from the coffee table. She resumed her spot on the couch, taking a slow, controlled sip from her drink before picking up her book once more.

"… Rose, I-"

"Kanaya?"

Rose didn't need to glance up from her book to know that that was the voice of Jade; it was around 8:30 now, which meant that bit by bit the others would wake up. Jade always prepared breakfast with Gamzee who always needed to be woken up, Gamzee was far from quiet which meant that he'd usually wake Karkat up, and once Karkat was up he would begin yelling which would wake everyone else up.

The magical circle of consciousness was now afoot.

And the addition of one glowing troll made very little difference in the end.

* * *

Kanaya watched Rose for a few more moments before turning to answer Jade, a weary smile on her black lips. Despite her own, personal feelings, she still had no reason to be rude to the other human.

"Hello there Jade," she answered.

"Oh my goodness! I had no idea you were coming for a visit, what a nice surprise! What brings you to town?" the human beamed, heading into the kitchenette.

The rainbow drinker's eyes widened, and with that question she suddenly remembered that, pleasantries aside, she was here on a very important mission.

"That's right," she said absently, looking over to the door to Gamzee and Karkat's respiteblock. "I'd love to catch up, and I'd be willing to go into further detail about this later but I actually need to speak with Karkat as soon as I can. It's kind of important."

She didn't need to go into details; not yet.

Knowing the Cancer, he'd probably want to be the one deciding how to tell the others.

"Alright, but… I'm not quite sure he's up yet."

"I see," Kanaya said, walking over to the block anyway. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid there simply isn't time to wait for him to snarl out of the recuperacoon."

"Hee hee, he's such a crabby face first thing in the morning!" Jade giggled. "Since you're going in there anyway, could you send Gamzee out? He and I usually work on breakfast together."

"Of course."

Kanaya quietly slipped into the block, closing the door behind her so as to warrant the much needed privacy. The room was still dark at this time of morning, but not so much that she couldn't make out the various objects in the room with a little effort.

Also, she kind of glowed.

That helped a bit.

The Virgo walked over to Karkat's recuperacoon, and she couldn't help but smile at his peaceful, curled up form in the nourishing sopor slime. He didn't look nearly as angry in his sleep as he did, well, all of the time. It was almost a pity that she had to be the one to break such a cozy slumber, but she had a feeling he'd probably forgive her for it later.

Rolling up her sleeve, she reached into the recuperacoon and grabbed onto his arm, gently shaking him until she saw him rouse. The rainbow drinker withdrew her intruding appendage then, shaking off the excess slime, and patiently waited for Karkat to emerge with the full gusto of his refreshed morning rage.

"Jegus fuck Gamzee," he grumbled rubbing his eyes free of sopor. "I don't want any fucking breakfast. We go through this shit every morn-"

The Cancer's eyes blinked open, and he fell silent, a look of confusion overcoming his expression. Kanaya waved with a coy smirk, waiting for him to process the fact that she wasn't Gamzee.

"Wait, you're not Gamzee."

There it was.

"Kanaya? What the fuck are you doing here?" he said, stretching as he climbed out of his recuperacoon. "You couldn't have mentioned that you were going to show up? And why the fuck did you wake me up? Not that your bright as fuck glowing presence isn't a fantastic thing to scorch my retinas first thing in the morning, but what do you want?"

"Well, normally I'd retort to that with some sort of well thought out insincere insult," she answered, taking a seat on their couch. "But we simply don't have the luxury for such well timed banter at our disposal."

"It's too early for this shit," Karkat grumbled, shuffling over to the ablution block. "Tell you what, you sit there and ramble on all day and I'm going to take an ablution. Maybe when I get out you'll be within the general range of getting to the point."

"Karkat, this is serious," Kanaya said calmly but sternly. "Do you remember those highbloods?"

The nubby horned troll stopped now, his hand on the doorknob for the ablution block but the rest of him immobile. He didn't respond right away, but Kanaya hadn't even really had to ask to know he did. After all, you don't usually forget a near death experience in which your psychotic moirail saves you by killing everyone. Either way, that had gotten his attention.

After several long moments of silence, Karkat turned to face her, his mouth drawn into a slight frown. She met his look with her steadfast own, and she motioned for him to take a seat on the couch.

"… What the fuck is this about?" the Cancer asked softly, walking over to the couch but refusing to sit down. "And don't pull any cagey bullshit right now; I have too much other fucked up shit in my think pan to handle it."

Kanaya sighed, trying to think over her next words carefully.

"One of them survived Gamzee's attack," she said, watching as her friend's expression morphed into one of barely contained terror. "She returned to the highblood city."

"No… No, Kanaya don't fucking tell me this."

The rainbow drinker looked down, unable to meet those petrified, pleading red eyes.

"… Please, Kanaya… This is some fucked up joke right? The highbloods were dead, Gamzee killed them, he-"

"She reported to the Grand Highblood," Kanaya went on, forcing her voice to remain steady. "That there was a mutant, bright red blooded troll living in the human-troll city."

The rainbow drinker could see the nubby horned troll flinch in her periphery, and she didn't have to see his face to know that the color had drained from it.

"I returned because you're in great danger, Karkat," she said. "He's coming to cull you."

Kanaya looked up now, quietly studying the other troll as he took in the news. Her own vascular pump was racing, and she could only imagine what must be going through Karkat's think pan.

* * *

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Fuck, this was not good.

It wasn't just fucking 'not good' either; try the worst fucking thing happening at the worst fucking time multiplied by all the fucking doomed Karkats in paradox space. Hell, at this rate he might as well be one of them because he was going to fucking die.

Karkat ran his clawed fingers through his messy hair, scowling as he felt the sopor slime still clinging to it. He paced back and forth nervously, his think pan jumping from his situation with Gamzee to the now very real threat of him being culled.

What would he do?

What _could_ he do?

The Grand fucking Highblood was coming after him, and there wasn't shit he could do about it. Move towns maybe? Yeah, like that would fucking work; the Grand Highblood would be a complete and utter fucking moron not to be able to track him from one town to the next. And even if he did move, then what? Live in fear running forever until they eventually caught and killed him anyway?

Fuck!

The bits of sopor slime still clinging to him were definitely not fucking helping right now.

"Gog fucking damn it," he growled, more shakily than he had intended. "I… I can't fucking think straight right now. I need to clean off; how am I supposed to deal with this while covered in last night's recuperacoon slime?"

Karkat stormed over to the ablution block once more, and he looked down just in time to avoid stepping on one of Gamzee's stray bike horns. Jegus, if he was freaking out this badly already then a sudden surprise 'honk' probably would have fucking killed him. Seeing the bike horn, though, he remembered his moirail and that he still had to sort shit out with him. That was obviously going to have to wait until a time when he wasn't going to, well, die but it was still a delicate situation.

And there was no need to risk upsetting a mentally unstable clown.

"… Kanaya," the nubby horned troll said softly, looking back to her. "Don't tell Gamzee about this shit, okay?"

The Virgo gave a slight nod, appearing to understand his expressed privacy, and with that he hurried into the ablution trap to clean off.

* * *

Click, click, click, click.

Terezi was lazily snuggled against Dave, listening to the sounds of the remote buttons being pressed. She honestly couldn't care less what he put on, so long as it smelled tasty and would keep him sitting on the couch with her.

"For a fresh, whiter smile-"

Click.

"Swiper no swip-"

Click.

"You see, when I'm writing music-"

Click.

The Knight was still boredly clicking away, but Terezi didn't mind much. The clicking sounds mixed with the nonsensical drone of the TV set made a soothing mixture; one that was slowly lulling her back to sleep next to the comfort of her coolkid. Or it was, up until the door to his room swung open unexpectedly. If she were being honest, it wasn't all that surprising; in a house filled with seven people, moments of solitude were seldom enjoyed for long.

What was surprising, though, was the familiar, vanilla ice cream smell of a certain glowing troll's skin.

"Kanaya?" Terezi asked, tilting her head towards the scent. "What are you doing here?"

Taking another, deeper sniff, the blind troll frowned as she caught the uncertain mixture of fear and anxiety.

"Is something wrong?"

"Is Gamzee in here?" the rainbow drinker said hastily, panic in her voice. "He's not in his recuperacoon, do you know where he could be?"

Terezi frowned, taking a quick sniff of her room to verify what she already knew. She'd been a bit concerned last night when the taller troll hadn't answered her text, but she had brushed it off with the likely explanation that he'd just zoned out somewhere.

"No, I don't," the Libra said, shaking her head. "He didn't come home with Karkat yesterday and that was the last I'd heard about him. We invited him to go clubbing with us last night, but he never answered."

"… I see," Kanaya said, her previous panic now sounding suppressed into a shaky concern. "Alright, well if you hear anything please let me know. I'll ask Karkat, if he was the last one to see him then maybe he knows?"

Terezi gave a nod and listened as the Virgo hurried out of the room. She hadn't even been aware of the fact that Kanaya was coming to visit, and now apparently Gamzee was missing? It seemed as if a lot had been happening unbeknownst to her.

"Crazy juggalo troll never came home?" Dave said flatly. "Probably out there ironically kicking some shitty ICP fan's ass or something."

"Hmm…" the blind troll said, lips drawn into a taut line. "I hope he's alright. When Gamzee has the sopor in his system he's calm but kind of…"

"A dumbfuck?"

Terezi snickered at this, nuzzling into the crook of the coolkid's neck. He continued to click through the stations, finally stopping on one channel that hit her sniffnodes with a blast of multicolored deliciousness.

"Holy shit," Dave said.

"What? What is it?"

* * *

Karkat stepped out of the ablution block, towel wrapped firmly around his waist as he poked his head out to check his respiteblock. Fortunately, Kanaya hadn't decided to wait around in his room like a fucking creep, so he was free to get a fresh set of clothes.

The nubby horned troll hurried over to his dresser, digging through it in search of an outfit that Kanaya had originally put together for him. He normally didn't pay attention to making sure shit matched or whatever, because that was fucking stupid, but since the Virgo was in town he figured he might as well at least attempt to wear the right set of clothes. He clearly had bigger water beasts to fry, what with the whole 'going to get fucking culled' thing, but whatever.

It'd make her happy, he guessed.

He pulled on a pair of pants, a grey shirt, and a light, black jacket that he was pretty sure Kanaya had said looked good with the shirt. Who fucking cares, he tried and that was just going to have to be fucking good enough. Once he was finished getting dressed, he heard two brisk knocks on the door.

"Karkat? Are you still in the ablution trap?" Kanaya asked from the other side of the door.

"Wow, someone actually knows how to fucking knock," Karkat grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"… So may I come in then?"

"Jegus fuck, yes! Yes you can come in."

The rainbow drinker hurried in, leaving the door open behind her, and the Cancer could see that she seemed anxious about something. She seemed to be controlling herself, though, so maybe whatever it was wasn't as serious as the whole Grand Highblood thing.

"Gamzee's not in the apartment-stem."

Or maybe it's more fucking serious and this flighty broad is just bad at picking shit to freak out about.

"What? What the fuck do you mean he's not in the apartment-stem? Where the fuck else would he be?"

"Well, I was hoping that you would know," she said, now looking more concerned. "Karkat, he has been eating the sopor slime, right?"

"Tch, calm your rumble spheres. Of course he has been," the short troll answered, the slight waver in his voice betraying his false confidence. "I mean… I'm pretty sure he has been. He wouldn't just randomly stop eating it… I don't think. That fuckass probably just wandered off somewhere, he kind of does that when he's high out of his fucking think pan."

Kanaya opened her mouth to respond, but she was cut off before she could say anything by Dave's unexpected appearance in the doorway.

"Uh, guys," the Knight said, stoic expression still holding true. "You might want to come look at this."


	27. OLD N3WS 4ND N3W N3WS

OLD N3WS 4ND N3W N3WS

"And what was originally thought to be a beautiful piece painted by an unknown local artist may have much darker roots. Two more bodies were found a mere mile away from the mural, bringing the total of accounted for mysterious troll murders to an astonishing fifteen dead in the last week. As with the other thirteen, these two were found decapitated by some unknown assailer who police are assuming is the sole perpetrator of these crimes. Sheer coincidence in relation to the mysterious paintings? Dr. Aprell, troll and expert in troll culture, doesn't think so."

The television now showed an older looking troll with glasses and horns that pointed down, her dark hair pulled back into a messy bun.

"This could be the work of a 'subjugglator', trolls of the indigo blood caste who are charged with the task of culling 'lowbloods' or anyone not of indigo, purple, or tyrian purple blood color also known as 'highbloods'. In many traditional troll cities, these would be very common figures of society, a very real 'boogeyman' of sorts meant to enforce the blood caste by dwindling the often much larger numbers of the more common members of the hemospectrum. The subjugglators will often cull their victims before painting strange murals, very much like the one discovered in the park, with their blood."

The screen then changed to show the human newscaster once more.

"Surely enough, upon further investigation, it was discovered that the substance serving as paint to the mural was in fact different shades of troll blood. Culling has been outlawed in the city since the infamous Lyriad versus Feglir case of 2,140. While some trolls have been brought in for questioning, trolls of all colors of the hemospectrum are advised to avoid the park or areas near it for the time being. Working around the clock, police are still looking for the murderer who is, as of now, still at large. I'm Jennifer Mendoza, News 18."

The television was now put on mute, and based on the screen alone it had appeared the news team had moved on to sports. Karkat's mouth hung open in shock, his candy red eyes still locked on the TV as if he were expecting more information on the matter.

It… It couldn't be.

"_I'll meet you back at our bitchtits pad later," Gamzee said with a shrug. "I got some shit I all up and need to motherfucking do."_

It couldn't be but… It all added up.

"_Maybe at the motherfucking park, shit brother, I just got to all up and do what's right in my vascular pump."_

Going out every day after school, coming home messy as fuck, it all made sense.

Gamzee was the one killing those trolls.

It took the nubby horned troll a few minutes to realize he was being stared at by the others, and he finally tore his gaze away from the television set. He only returned Kanaya's, and she gave him a slight nod; someone needed to take charge of this shit, and after all, Gamzee _was_ his responsibility. Clearly more than he could fucking handle because he was on an uncontrollable psycho rampage again, but he was Karkat's moirail nonetheless.

First, though, they had to find that fuckass.

"Are you sure it's him?" John said, the first to break the silence.

"No fucking shit it's him, Eg-dumbfuck," Karkat snapped, rolling his eyes. "Which means we need to get his insane clown ass and calm him the fuck down before the police get him."

"If they haven't already," Dave added in, now turning off the TV. "Didn't you hear that part midget troll? They already got some troll bitches in custody."

"Oh, really? Thank you so fucking much Knight of Obvious Shit I Already Fucking Knew. We'll need to split the fuck up to try and find him. Some of us will go to the police station; the rest will follow me in operation 'Recon The Fuckass Clown'."

"… But there's seven of us," John said, pointing at each of them as if he was counting in his mind to verify. "That doesn't split evenly…"

"Jegus fucking hell Egbert, then we'll have two uneven fucking groups! Is it that fucking hard to come up with such a simple conclusion in your ridiculously inferior human think pan? New plan, you're going all by yourself wearing a suit made of Faygo bottles and the rest of us are going to time how long it takes Gamzee to get to and rip out your innards. Does that sound like a better plan?"

"Um… No, not really."

"Karkat," Kanaya said before the Cancer could get started into a fresh round of insults.

"What?"

"I wish to be part of team 'Recon The Fuckass Clown'," she said, taking out her lipstick.

"Don't. Stop right there, don't you fucking take out that chainsaw," Karkat warned, staring warily at the lipstick in her hand. "I need to know you're not going to go fucking rogue on me and just slaughter my moirail the second you see him, okay? You can only be on my team if you promise to keep that thing safely lodged in your strife specibus unless you absolutely have to use it."

"So if you're in charge of the one team," Terezi said with a smirk. "Who's in charge of the other team? I volunteer this coolkid here!"

"Yeah, alright. If yelling troll can lead then any fucker can."

"Ooh, we need a cool name too."

"Your team is named 'Stupid Assholes That Are Barely Competent Enough To Walk The Fuck Down To The Police Station'. John, you should probably be on that team," Karkat snapped.

"Oh, okay! Haha," John said with a smile.

Jegus fuck, he was surrounded by idiots.

"Okay, since I'm highly doubting the police actually caught him, you three go down to the police station. The rest of us will do the actual fucking work," Karkat said, heading over to his respiteblock. "So get your shit together or whatever, I need to put in my contacts."

The nubby horned troll then went into the ablution block of his room, wasting no time in popping in his green contacts. Now more than ever, he needed to keep the truth of his blood color a secret. After all, for all he knew maybe the one who had painted that mural in the park wasn't Gamzee.

It could have been one of the highbloods on their way to hunt him down.

Karkat blinked a few times as the contracts fell into place, and he caught his reflection's masked eyes in the mirror. When had shit become so fucking complicated? Better yet, how long had Gamzee been off the sopor slime? Why the fuck had he stopped eating it anyway? Was Karkat really that fucking incompetent that he missed the warning signs? Surprise fucking surprise, once more his stupidity had lead to the deaths of others at the hands of his unstable moirail. To make matters worse, even if he calmed Gamzee down and made this okay, the Grand Highblood was still coming to hunt him down likely with an army of highbloods.

He was so fucking tired.

The nubby horned troll sighed, breaking away from the mirror's unwavering stare; he was tired, but he didn't have the luxury to just sit around like a newly hatched grub. He had to fix this; he had to fix all of this and he was going to because he was Karkat fucking Vantas.

And he was going to start by finding Gamzee.

* * *

Eight trolls were brought out in the lineup, and Terezi noted with little surprise that only three of them were actually indigo bloods. She successfully resisted the urge to snicker at the human officers attempts to understand their cultural differences in regards to the hemospectrum, and managed to hold up her façade as a traumatized survivor. There were troll cops in the city as well, of course, and the blind troll could only imagine how stupid they probably thought the humans were.

For gog's sake, they had an orange blooded troll in the lineup!

The Libra kept quiet, though, and did her best to sniff out the details of each troll. None of them smelled quite like Gamzee, so at least they could rule out his being captured. The Capricorn could be anywhere else in the city, but he clearly wasn't here.

"Now sir," one of the human officers murmured, speaking to Dave. "We see that Ms. Pyrope is blind, was this a result of the attack or was she blind before then?"

"Holy shit," Dave said blandly. "She's blind?"

Terezi failed to suppress a loud cackle at her matesprit's words, and she stood up from her seat, joining John closer to the one-way glass.

"Wow, all of these trolls kill other trolls?" John asked quietly.

"Of course not Egbert, what, do we all look the same to you?" she teased. "That's kind of racist. In fact, I'm pretty fucking offended."

"Oh man! No, I didn't mean to be racist," the Heir responded a little too quickly. "I just, gosh, I'm so sorry. I just thought that since the police-"

"John, don't worry your silly human think pan over it. I'm just a horribly offended blind girl who now thinks you're a terrible person… Anyway, we found out that none of these trolls are Gamzee so team 'Coolkids and John' definitely beat team 'Karkat's Grumpy Clown Hunt'."

"Sweet! But wait… Hey, why is 'and John' just tacked onto the end like that?"

"Heheh!"

"Well, whatever," the Heir shrugged, now looking to Dave as he finished talking to the officer and rejoined them. "So now what do we do?"

"Man, I don't know about you but I've got a wicked ill hunger going on here," the Knight replied, taking Terezi's free hand. "Shit be delirious biznasty. I could probably eat the world's biggest burger right now. Slaughter me up a whole fucking cow because I need to get this way rude hunger under control."

"But shouldn't we be trying to help find Gamzee?"

"No way, our team was supposed to check the police lineup and we did. We've already been down here like, a whole hour. Mission accomplished, celebratory burger time."

"You heard our coolkid leader John," Terezi said matter-of-factly, following Dave as he walked out. "Besides, it's not like we won't be oblivious to our surroundings; if we happen to see Gamzee, then we'll go from there. Besides, if we did find him out in the open, what exactly would you expect us to do?"

"Um…"

"In case you forgot, Gamzee kind of killed that super strong sweaty troll friend of ours," she stated pointedly. "Who, now that I think about it, I don't think you ever actually met… But still! He was really strong and not a complete total weenie pushover."

"But if he was that strong and Gamzee just killed him or whatever, then what are the others going to do if they run into him?"

"Honestly," Terezi said, raising an eyebrow over the rim of her red sunglasses. "I don't really know. Karkat was able to calm him down last time by like… Touching his face and going 'shh' over and over again."

"That sounds kind of weird."

"Yeah… I guess it was pretty weird. Still, it's why they're moirails John. Try to step out of your culturally ignorant bubble once in a while," the blind troll now drubbed his ankle with her cane, snickering as she did so. "Something about Karkat calms Gamzee down, and vice versa. If the others run into him they'll be fine because they have Karkat with them. Now if we run into him... Not so much."

"Dude, do we seriously have to explain all this to you?" Dave chimed in.

"It's not like we haven't already thought this through," Terezi teased. "Just trust in our fearless coolkid leader. We've done our part, so our best bet now is to stay out of the way."

"Oh… Okay then," the Heir said with a bit of uncertainty. "I guess that's a good plan."

"Best goddamn plan you've ever heard," Dave said. "Let's find a place that has those steak burgers. That shit's so good."

* * *

"Fuck," Karkat growled, looking down at the news teams and police officers clustered around the troll-blood mural. "Are you fucking serious? They've even caution taped that shit up, how the hell are we supposed to get near the thing?"

"Not to be facetious, Karkat, but I believe that might be the point," Kanaya said, frowning at the scene.

"Oh really? No fucking shit? They barricaded this thing like it was some gold spewing fountain of youth because they don't want people near it? What a fucking concept!"

"We're definitely not going to be able to get close to that overpass," Rose said astutely, ignoring Karkat's rage. "And honestly, it would probably raise suspicion anyway if we were to insist upon getting closer for no particular reason. Silence is incriminating, and while we truly don't know very much about the situation we would still likely become prime suspects."

"So… What should we do?" Jade asked.

The park was abuzz with activity as various newscasters gave their personal renditions of the link between subjugglators and the mural while the police continued to hunt for clues. The group of four was situated at the outskirts of the park, being kept at bay along with the rest of the onlookers who'd come to gawk at all the excitement. Being as short as he was, Karkat was having more than a little trouble seeing; a fact that wore deep into his already thin as fuck patience.

"We should get out of this fucking clusterfuck of idiots," the nubby horned troll seethed, digging his elbow hard into the idiot squished too close next to him. "I'm going to fucking snap and make my own mural in a second if these fuckasses don't back off."

"While I'd probably word it a bit differently than that, I agree," Rose said. "I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic in this setting. It's hardly auspicious for coming up with a viable course of action."

A bit of creative wiggling and some less than gentle shoving later, the four had successfully freed themselves from the crowd of people. Karkat rolled his eyes, his frustration mounting as the seconds ticked by; Gamzee was still missing and they weren't making any fucking progress in finding him. An obnoxious as fuck text followed by an equally insufferable picture told the Cancer that the other three had confirmed Gamzee wasn't in custody, and they were now enjoying 'steak burgers' at some horrible restaurant.

Whatever, team 'Wonderfuck Idiots' would have just slowed him down anyway.

You know; if it were possible to be going slower than making no fucking progress whatsoever.

"Perhaps we should abandon the park all together?" Kanaya offered. "It's possible that he decided to go to get some of his Faygo or something of the sorts."

Karkat mulled the situation over in his think pan for a few moments, his frown deepening. He supposed there was a chance Gamzee wasn't anywhere near the park anymore; when he was sober he was insane, but not stupid. There was no way he'd let himself get caught by a bunch snooping policemen and news people so easily. They'd only find him if he wanted them to find him.

And jegus fuck; help them all if he wanted to be found.

"Yeah, I guess that'd probably be worth a shot."

"Um… Where are they going?" Jade asked staring behind him.

Karkat raised an eyebrow at this, turning around to see what the human was looking at. A majority of the crowd was hurrying off, following the news vans and several cop cars as they began pulling out of the area. Every single one of the newscasters had left, undoubtedly each one wanting to be the first on the scene to report on… Whatever the fuck some of the police officers were leaving for.

"Excuse me," Kanaya said, taking this advantage to walk up to the nearest officer. "Where is everyone going?"

"Another body's been found," the troll cop replied tersely. "A yellow blood this time."

"I see… And, might I inquire as to where precisely this body was located?"

"Downtown in some alleyway. Just follow the traffic and sirens."

The nubby horned troll listened intently to this exchange, his think pan already formulating how to deal with this latest endeavor. If this body was a fresh kill and not just discovered a bit late, then it could mean that Gamzee was in that area. However, since most of the crowd had dispersed, now would be an opportune time to explore the area for clues. If Gamzee was hiding out somewhere in or near the park, then this would be their chance to locate him. With a slight nod to himself, he quickly decided on the next move they should make.

"We have to split up," he stated firmly, crossing his arms as if preparing to defend his statement. "Two of us are going to check out that dead body and the other two fuckasses will look in around the park."

"Jade and I shall investigate the recently uncovered body," Rose announced, already walking away from them. "If Gamzee's scent is near there, she should be able to track it. Right, Jade?"

"Yup! Bec always had an amazing sense of smell, I'm sure that I could do that!"

"… Yeah, what the fuck ever you freak of nature," Karkat muttered, rolling his eyes. "Look, if you see him though, don't confront him. Just… I guess text me or something? Fuck. Maybe this is a bad idea…"

"Possibly, but I don't believe time is a luxury we can afford right now," Rose called back, Jade following behind her. "Good luck."

Karkat sighed and glanced up to Kanaya for support, but it appeared as if the rainbow drinker had her own things to think about. Her jade eyes held a bit of sadness in them, the Cancer noted, as she watched the humans take their leave. Okay, Kanaya had been there for him with all this shit going on with Gamzee, so he was clearly going to have to return the favor with an awkward feelings jam about this later.

Later, not now.

Now, he had to deal with his own shit and find the psycho clown.

"Come on," he ordered, walking next to the police border. "We're going to find where this stupid barricade thing stops and then search around there. Most of the park is blocked off, but it's not exactly fucking concealed so we can probably assume Gamzee's not hiding under a slide or in those stupid tube things."

"Should we perhaps check in the more wooded area of the park?" Kanaya said, pointing to the overgrown collection of foliage on the outside of both the barricade and the park. "It would seem to me that that would be the best place for one to hide."

Karkat thought this suggestion over, unconsciously nibbling at his bottom lip as he tried to imagine encountering a sober Gamzee hiding in the woods like that naked loin cloth man from that human movie. The prospect was kind of fucking terrifying; the woods _would _be a good place to hide, which meant it wouldn't be that hard to shift from them looking for Gamzee to him hunting them. That aside, though, Kanaya was probably right on this one; anxieties aside, they had to look in those fucking woods.

"Okay, let's go," he said, leaving the border to head towards the edge of the park. "But we fucking stay together, and keep that gogdamn chainsaw tucked away."

* * *

Lights flashed and news reporters chattered, either speaking to their cameras, their cameramen, or to the officers to try and get some sort of unknown inside information. The police themselves were all but completely silent as they surveyed the scene, only muttering to themselves or to each other as they went about their work. It was a fresh bought of chaos, and Rose was beginning to think she should have volunteered for exploring the park instead.

"Jade," she said, tilting her head towards her friend. "Can you smell anything? Is Gamzee nearby?"

"Yuck, I wish I couldn't smell anything," Jade answered, her mouth skewed into a crooked frown. "I don't think he's here; that body smells like it's been in the dumpster a really long time."

"I see. So this is a cold trail then; for all we know Gamzee could have intentionally left this here at the start of the week, knowing it wouldn't be discovered unless some hapless employee checked the dumpster before disposing of his trash."

"It smells like it," Jade said, covering her nose. "Do we have to keep looking around or can we go? This smells really bad…"

Rose shook her head, making her way back through the crowd to an unoccupied section of sidewalk. Since they were in town, maybe they should look through various stores and such as Kanaya had suggested? If Jade picked up on his scent, then they'd at least have a trail to follow. Keeping at it in a systematic fashion would likely give them a lead at some point; they just had to-

A buzz in her pocket broke the Seer's line of thought, and she nonchalantly pulled her cell phone out.

- - Kanaya sent - -

There Are Quite A Few Things To Report On At The Moment  
The First Being That I Have Just Made A Fairly Gruesome Discovery  
And I Am Now Almost Completely Certain That Gamzee Is Hiding In The Woods Near The Park  
Also I Believe I May Have Lost Karkat

- - Today 4:36 pm - -

Well, that could hardly be construed as good news.

"Kanaya and Karkat are looking for Gamzee in the woods," Rose reported to Jade. "And they've apparently gotten separated. Shall we go back and try to assist them?"

"Yes, we probably should!" the Witch responded, wasting no time in waving down a cab. "Let's go."

* * *

Fuck!

How the hell did he lose Kanaya so quickly?

Jegus, was he that fucking incompetent that he couldn't keep track of even one team member?

Karkat now walked around, sickles drawn and glancing over his shoulder every five seconds. He didn't like being alone in the woods like this, but he didn't exactly want to go screaming and yelling about to give away his position. How the fuck was he going to locate Kanaya without getting found himself?

Okay, remain calm, don't panic.

The nubby horned troll took a deep breath, leaning against a tree as he tried to keep his thoughts focused. Gamzee wouldn't hurt him; they were moirails, and he knew how to handle the psycho clown. If anything, he should be worried about Kanaya and whether or not this separation had been intentional.

Yeah, he should be worried about the fucking glowing rainbow drinker with a chainsaw.

Growling at his own stupidity, the Cancer pulled out his cell phone to see if maybe she'd texted him or tried to call. There were no missed attempts at contact, though, only the blaring 'no signal' text stamped across the screen. It was because of all these fucking trees; the section he was in was lousy with gogdamn giant trees and shit.

Masked green eyes peered through the thicket, and Karkat could see what appeared to be a clearing of sorts not far off. He'd just go to that spot, and hopefully the trees wouldn't be so clustered together that he wouldn't get signal. Besides, all of this aimless, paranoid wandering around like some grub without its lusus clearly wasn't getting him anywhere.

* * *

Kanaya brushed away yet another dirt mound, revealing the buried, severed head underneath. That was number thirteen, by her count, and it appeared there were two more left, well, sort of. One of the remaining two mounds looked as if it had already been dug up and, as far as the Virgo could tell, the head had been removed. If nothing else, she now knew where Gamzee was keeping the heads of his decapitated victims.

The rainbow drinker looked up to the sky above her; the best course of action would be to just stay put for the time being. She still wasn't sure where Karkat was, and at least in this section of the woods she had signal on her phone. Deciding she might as well take this moment to update the others, the Virgo eventually texted Rose. Kanaya wasn't the least bit surprised when, as with all the other times when she texted the Seer, she got no response. She stared at the phone a few long minutes in anticipatory wait, but she eventually consented to putting it back in her pocket. There was no point in texting Karkat; as soon as he had signal he'd probably be texting her some angry message with the word 'fuck' thrown about.

Yes, her best bet would be to just stay put and wait.

Taking out her chainsaw, the Virgo held it at the ready as she waited for some sign of movement. Karkat had been adamant that she keep her weapon tucked away, but now hardly seemed like the time to risk being caught unaware. If Gamzee was wandering around somewhere in these woods, sober and intent on attacking anyone who crossed his path, he'd have another thing coming if he thought Kanaya would be victim number sixteen.

* * *

The dull, lifeless eyes of the severed head had yet to rot away, and even through the dirt still caked on its face that terrified expression could still be seen. Its mouth hung open in at an unnatural angle, likely due to the jaw that had, in all likelihood, been broken.

Gamzee tossed the head up into the air, catching it as it came back down. He repeated this several times in a sort of methodic rhythm; indigo and red eyes tracking its movements. Night couldn't come fast enough; that itch to kill was practically screaming in his think pan. On top of that, now there were all kinds of motherfuckers swarmed around his mural of miracles. No matter; he'd just have to kill all those motherfuckers under the cover of darkness.

Leaning against the trunk of a fairly large tree, he was sitting in one of several clearings in the forest. Another one of them held the remaining heads, and he'd actually just come from there a short while ago. At the moment, he was feeling rather bored and in need of some entertainment; perhaps he could crack open this head and pick at this motherfucker's think pan?

The Capricorn looked around and eventually saw a decently sized rock off to one side of the clearing. He could just all up and throw the motherfucker at it until it opened. Gamzee stood now, shifting the head in his arms as he prepared to throw it. His long, lanky arm wound back, but before he could pitch his throw something stopped him.

Or, to be specific, someone stopped him.

Someone who had just unwittingly walked up into this clearing.

Gamzee's eyes locked on Karkat's for a moment, but they soon shifted to the two sickles grasped firmly in his hands. Looks like the other motherfuckers were starting to get their realization on to this wicked shit. His lips curled into a dark grin, sharp fangs adding more than a slight degree of menace to it. The shorter troll had a horrified look on his face, and Gamzee didn't have to try too hard to see that slight tremble in his frame.

Karkat was scared.

His moirail was all up and motherfucking scared of him.

They stayed like that for a few moments, both staring at each other in a sort of silent stupor. Gamzee watched the Cancer with an unwavering attention, and he successfully quelled the sudden clench of pain on his vascular pump. His best motherfucking friend was petrified of him; that wasn't anything new.

"Well motherfucker?" the Capricorn snarled, making the nubby horned troll flinch. "Speak words at my motherfucking think pan. Miracle got your motherfucking tongue?"

But Karkat didn't speak.

The highblood saw him swallow, and he tracked a bead of sweat that ran down the side of his moirail's face, but that motherfucker didn't say a single motherfucking thing. Gamzee's smile fell now, and his eyebrows knitted in fury at the mutant's disobedience.

"I said motherfucking speak words motherfucker!" he ordered.

With that, he threw the severed head he was holding full force into the large rock he'd been eying earlier. Just as he had expected it would, the head cracked open with a sickening sort of squish, and the greenish tinge of its think pan seeped out of the cracks. If nothing else, that got Karkat's motherfucking attention as he stared at the mess before quickly turning his gaze back to Gamzee. His eyes still held their former terror, but there was something else there that the Capricorn couldn't quite get his think pan to figuring out.

But Karkat still didn't say a motherfucking thing.

Now completely enraged, Gamzee growled loudly and took a single step closer to his moirail, standing up to his full height. How dare this impudent motherfucker defy a direct order from the highest motherfucking subjugglator? Did he have a motherfucking death wish?

"Peasantblood I gave you a motherfucking order!" he growled, his voice booming through the silence of the woods. "Or are you just going to motherfucking take me on with those pitiful weapons? I can't all up and motherfucking read your think pan motherfucker! Tell me your miracles brother, what the motherfuck do you have to motherfucking say?"

With that, the Cancer began to walk over to him, slowly but steadily, his sickles still drawn. Gamzee was a bit surprised by this, and he realized with a sharp sinking sensation in his nutrition sack what the motherfuck was going to happen.

Karkat was going to try and kill him to spare the lives of the trolls he'd murdered only to try and protect him.

The tall troll backed up some, not in fear but in a sort of desire to postpone this; he wanted motherfucking answers from the shorter troll. Or maybe he wanted to motherfucking stop him? Karkat wouldn't win in a fight; Gamzee would end up motherfucking killing him.

No.

No, he couldn't motherfucking hurt Karkat.

"Stop motherfucker!" Gamzee snapped, taking another step back. "I said motherfucking stop!"

The nubby horned troll kept coming towards him; fear in his eyes and sickles raised.

But he still said nothing.

"Don't make me motherfucking make you," the taller troll threatened, now effectively backed up into a tree. "Karkat! Motherfucking stop!"

And then the nubby horned troll did two miracles that Gamzee hadn't been all up and expecting.

Right as he got over to the Capricorn, Karkat threw his sickles off to the side, his eyes trained on the taller troll's own as he did so. Was he all up and motherfucking insane? Attacking him without any motherfucking weapons at all?

That had been the first miracle.

The second happened when, before Gamzee could comment on Karkat disarming himself, he felt the Cancer's claws cling to his shirt.

And with a sharp tug, Karkat pulled Gamzee into a sudden, rough kiss.


	28. all under CONTROL MOTHERFUCKER

all under CONTROL MOTHERFUCKER

Okay.

Maybe he hadn't thought this through all the way.

"No, Gamz-mmph," the nubby horned troll tried to speak, but was cut off by another sudden kiss. "S-stop, Gamzee-"

Karkat's back was pinned hard against the coarse trunk of a tree, and his yelp was swallowed up by the sudden intrusion of Gamzee's tongue in his mouth. He could feel the slippery, foreign appendage as it was grazed by his pointed teeth, and he could now taste the coppery tang of what he assumed was Gamzee's blood. The Capricorn kissed him roughly, completely dominating and exploring every inch of Karkat's mouth, his claws threatening to break the fabric of shirt covering the smaller troll's shoulders.

Karkat's vascular pump was racing, and he found he was suddenly having a hard time breathing through the forceful, claiming kisses of his moirail. This wasn't exactly how he'd been picturing his first round of sloppy makeouts to go; for one he had always kind of figured he'd have more control over the situation. His cheeks were flushed a bright red, betraying the mask of his green eyes in favor of his gogdamn freak blood. The Cancer didn't really have time to be concerned about this though; he clearly had bigger things to deal with right now.

He wriggled his head some, trying to break away from Gamzee's kisses to get a word in edgewise. This resistance was met with a sharp tug of his hair, causing the shorter troll to wince in pain. He had to do something; he needed to make his moirail stop.

This was all too fast; he wasn't fucking ready.

Karkat's eyes shut tight as he tried once more to free himself from his pinned, powerless position against the tree, and he did his best to ignore the even harsher yank of Gamzee's claws knotted in his hair. After a few failed attempts to break away from or even loosen the Capricorn's powerful stronghold on him, Karkat realized with little surprise that it was useless; the psycho clown was too fucking strong. What the fuck had made him think kissing Gamzee would have calmed him down? If anything, now he was even more fucking riled up and out of control.

And in a whole different, much more worrisome way.

Suddenly, a rush of pleasure ran through Karkat's body, and his eyes shot open as he felt Gamzee's long fingers toying with his right horn. He couldn't stop the soft moan that resonated into the Capricorn's kisses, and his blush grew even deeper. The Cancer didn't have time to reflect on his instinctive, albeit embarrassing, reaction for long, and his body went rigid as he felt Gamzee's hips, specifically something warm and moving beneath his pants, begin to rut against his own.

No.

No, this was too fucking fast!

He had to do something; he wasn't ready for this gogdamn it! There had to be a way to make Gamzee stop; to make him let up in some way and just fucking listen for half a second.

Without another thought past that petrified desire to escape, the nubby horned troll quickly jerked his knee up; effectively slamming it into Gamzee's unsheathed bulge.

The Capricorn howled with pain, releasing Karkat from his grasp to instead cover his sore arousal. His eyes were gleaming red and indigo as he shot the shorter troll a death glare and Karkat couldn't help but flinch.

It was kind of a low blow, but whatever; it had fucking worked.

"Jegus fuck Gamzee!" Karkat snapped, panting between his words. "I said to fucking stop!"

The taller troll snarled in response but continued to hold where the other had kneed him.

"No, fuck you. You're just going to have to calm down your Faygo chugging insane clown ass for five fucking seconds and listen to me," the Cancer's voice cracked some as he yelled, standing his ground. "Look fuckass, I like you okay? I… I think I have red feelings for you. And not just… Pale."

This last statement melted the glower on Gamzee's face, and he almost looked surprised at this sudden confession.

"But I swear on all the living Karkats in paradox space, if you think I'm just going to fucking roll over and let you make me into your personal victim than you're hopped up on more than just sopor slime! If you ever fucking pull that shit again, next time instead of my knee it'll be my fucking sickle in your bulge. I…"

The gusto in Karkat's rant faltered now, and that blush crept up into his cheeks once more. Gamzee's eyes still held their dangerous, unstable red hues; but the Cancer couldn't read his expression past that. Karkat's eyes fell to the ground, and he took a deep breath as he tried to pick through his next words carefully.

"Gamzee…" he said gently, looking back up to meet his moirail's gaze. "I… I'll be your matesprit but you need to learn to fucking control yourself. No killing trolls, no forcing yourself on me… Please. I know that you can… You have before."

Karkat continued to stare the taller troll down; waiting for any sign that he'd been listening or even considering what he was saying. This was a dangerous game to be playing; he was bartering on his psychotic moirail to actually be able to keep himself in check. Hell, if Gamzee wanted to he could probably force Karkat to pail with him and there wouldn't be a single fucking thing he could do about it.

Or maybe he'd kill him first and then-

Okay, no, abandoning that train of thought right the fuck now.

Still… If they're moirallegiance meant as much to Gamzee as it did to him, then the Capricorn would at least try to try. Right?

After what seemed like hours of endless silence, the taller troll closed his eyes.

Karkat waited, half tempted to turn tail and abscond the fuck out of there, but he stayed put to see what Gamzee was trying to do. When the Capricorn's eyes opened again, the nubby horned troll's anxiety left him in one, slow sigh.

They were a yellowish orange now.

He was calming down.

"… You all up and motherfucking mean it?" Gamzee said, his voice a bit raspy with a hint of skepticism.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Karkat grumbled, crossing his arms as he turned away to hide his stupid fucking blush. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Can was just go back to the apartment-stem now and forget all of this ridiculous shit happened?"

Two arms slid around the Cancer's waist suddenly, and he couldn't help but jump as he was pulled into a firm but gentle hug. His body stiffened, unused to the close contact, and he quickly squirmed out of Gamzee's grasp.

"Come on fuckass," he said motioning for the other to follow him.

"Honk."

* * *

"Kanaya?"

The rainbow drinker looked up, trying to locate the source of the voice calling out to her, and her lips pursed some as she successfully located Jade and Rose walking towards her. While the Seer hardly seemed to notice the severed heads she'd uncovered, Jade didn't seem to be nearly as okay with it.

"Oh my god!" the Witch said, backing up some. "Those! Those are heads! Kanaya, why are there troll heads in the dirt!"

"I was wondering something much to that effect myself," the Virgo responded calmly, standing up to meet them. "If I were to guess, I'd say that these were the decapitated heads of the murder victims."

"Yes, it would probably be safe to assume that," Rose said absentmindedly. "Where's Karkat?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. We got separated while looking for Gamzee, so I've been waiting here in hopes that he'd try to contact me once he had service on his phone."

As if on cue, the glowing troll's phone beeped suddenly; alerting her to a new message.

- - KARKAT sent - -

DON'T FUCKING ASK.  
IN FACT, DON'T FUCKING EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO THIS.  
I FOUND GAMZEE, WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE APARTMENT-STEM, WE'LL MEET YOU ALL THERE.  
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, THANKS TO NO ONE BUT FUCKING ME.

- - Today 5:43pm - -

"It would appear that Gamzee has been located," Kanaya reported, placing the phone into her pocket. "As such, Karkat has given us his permission to cease searching and return to the apartment-stem."

"How generous of him," Rose said flatly, earning a slight smirk from Kanaya.

"Wait, what about the heads?" Jade said, frowning at the sight. "We can't just leave them here… Should we tell the police?"

Kanaya thought the matter over a moment, glancing at the various unearthed heads. With these heads found in addition to the mural in the park and the fact that Karkat likely found Gamzee somewhere in these woods, it didn't take too much thought to put all the pieces together. The rainbow drinker had suspected from the beginning that Gamzee had had a hand in this, and merely receiving confirmation on the matter wouldn't really change all that much.

The real question, though, was what to do about it.

Gamzee was dangerous and unstable; a fact that they all would do best not to forget. However, he was also very powerful and could serve as a very potent protector to Karkat when the Grand Highblood arrived with his subjugglators. When stuck with the choice of one psychotic murder clown over the other, the Virgo decided that it would probably be best to stick with the murderer they were familiar with.

She would let the clown live… For now.

That said, she would have to keep a close eye on him; she would warn Karkat of this, but her think pan was made up. If she personally determined that Gamzee was too much a threat, too dangerous, she was going to take him down. Perhaps she was just calloused to the matter of death from life on Alternia coupled with gathering up the dead and dying grubs in the brooding caverns, but a few anonymous, culled trolls really just didn't matter that much to her.

It was no one she personally knew or cared about, so she supposed it was alright.

"I believe it would be best," she spoke suddenly, placing her chainsaw back into her strife specibus. "If we simply discard this discovery; I doubt there will be anymore troll murders of this nature, so it would probably be easier for all of us if we just keep quiet and get on with our lives."

"Ah. So it was Gamzee then," Rose said boredly, leading the way out of the woods.

"I'm afraid that's the situation that warrants the highest degree of probability, yes."

"Oh no! Gamzee killed all those trolls?" Jade said, her Becsprite ears drooping. "Why would he do that? And what about Karkat? If he found Gamzee then is he okay? Maybe we should call the police and-"

"Jade," Kanaya said calmly. "We have the entire walk back to the apartment-stem; allow me the opportunity to try and explain. I believe it would probably help you to understand if I elaborated a bit on various aspects of trolls sharing Gamzee's blood type."

She really couldn't blame the human for not understanding; it was a troll matter, and in this city it was even a forbidden one. The Witch didn't need to know about the complicated, uncertain dynamic between Karkat and Gamzee; that was their business. However, it was about time she had a little feelings jam with the human about the complexed differences between troll and human culture.

Besides, with Rose leading the way home at such a great distance away from them, she clearly had nothing better to do.

* * *

"Gamzee, quit trying to hold my fucking hand," Karkat snapped quietly, pulling his hand away from the Capricorn once more before stuffing it in his pocket. "It's embarrassing! For fuck's sake, we're in public!"

The taller troll didn't say anything, but he continued to smile that long, impossibly wide grin nonetheless. He couldn't all up and motherfucking help it; Karkat had little red hearts for him, and that was just motherfucking miraculous.

It was a beautiful thing; this troll disease called friendship.

Mating fondness?

Shit, he didn't even all up and know; the point was that he didn't have to be going against the wicked shit getting it's settle on in his vascular pump anymore. He could just let the mirthful feelings run through his think pan all motherfucking day. The only trick to this wicked shit was that he had to keep his motherfucking control up on it; it felt kind of restricting, having to motherfucking keep that noise down, but it was worth it.

Karkat was worth it.

And if his best motherfucking friend wanted him to all up and control himself, that was what he was going to be fixing to all up and do.

Faithfully walking alongside the shorter troll, he was now occupying his mind with trying to match Karkat's much shorter, quicker pace. It was kind of motherfucking cute; how Karbro had to make a whole lot of steps to go the same distance as him. Just one more thing to all up and harbor flushed feelings for about that wicked motherfucker.

_You're weak. Who does he think he motherfucking is to give us orders?_

_Peasant blooded motherfucker dared to assault you and you obeyed him?_

Shit, why was this all up and harshing his mellow again?

_He's motherfucking yours. He doesn't grant you permission to have him; the mutant is fortunate enough to have a royal blooded, real motherfucking subjugglator pity him and he dares to command you to stay back?_

What all up and happened to being motherfucking 'we'?

_This is not us. We are not this diluted, wiggler's version of a highblood that you've turned us into._

Bro, we all up and tried it your way. It was motherfucking fun for a while, but I'm not all up and feeling getting a sickle in my bulge; that shit hurt a whole motherfucking lot with just Karbro's knee. Motherfuck, I'm still feeling pretty sore from it.

_You let your guard down; you're too weak._

Well, can't all up and be making all motherfuckers get their chill on with me at once. That'd be a pretty bitchtits motherfucking miracle though.

The voice quieted back down again, as it usually did when he started in with his talk about miracles, and his thoughts were now drawn to the fact that Karkat's feet had stopped moving.

"Honk?" Gamzee asked, looking up to see the nubby horned troll fussing with the apartment-stem door's lock.

Oh look, they were home.

Seeing Karkat's hand on the doorknob, the Capricorn reached for it once more and his persistence was rewarded with an irritable, warning growl from the Cancer. So, once more, Gamzee withdrew his hand; it was chill though, nothing could be motherfucking bad right now; he had Karkat.

His moirail.

His matesprit.

Wait, hold up a motherfucking second.

Gamzee scratched at his head some, unconsciously following Karkat inside as he thought his relationship with the nubby horned troll over. If they were all up and motherfucking matesprits now, then did that mean they couldn't be moirails anymore? Shit, could he have just one motherfucker in two quadrants? Was that even okay? Man, he should have paid more fucking attention in Romance. If Karkat couldn't be in both quadrants… Then would he take up another moirail?

_Rip out the chitinous windhole of any motherfucker trying to get that motherfucking close._

The taller troll stopped walking now and shook his head slightly; it wasn't easy to up and ignore the darker thoughts cutting through the mirth up in his think pan. Shit, it was going to be pretty motherfucking hard to try and find a way to redirect his urges. Sopor slime wasn't the answer; Karkat didn't all up and like him eating that shit. Besides, it was still motherfucking poison that all up and rotted his think pan. Eventually, he shelved the topic and decided he could all up and think on it later; he'd had enough confusing shit getting their feels on for one motherfucking day. Moirails? Matesprits? He could also figure out an actual label for their motherfucking quadrant later. All he wanted to do now was slam a wicked elixir, curl up on the couch and maybe makeout a little with Karkat.

If he was all up and wanting to do that, of course.

Almost as if in response to that thought, the door to his and Karkat's respiteblock slammed shut with the shorter troll inside. Shit, maybe he should wait to try and have sloppy makeouts with his wicked motherfucker later; after all, he did kind of all up and motherfucking lose it earlier in the woods.

Karbro probably just wanted some space to let shit get its settle on in his think pan.

Plus, he wasn't usually all that motherfucking good at just going with changes.

A warm, fuzzy sensation rubbed up against Gamzee's pant leg, and he looked down to see the little black fluff of Miracle. The tall troll's grin stretched even farther, and he quickly picked up the cat, placing it in his hair. Man, this motherfucker always knew the right time to just up and come visit him.

"Shit, I've got all kinds of wicked mirth to tell you about Miracle," Gamzee said, walking over to the fridge with the cat on his head. "There's some good shit and some bad shit, but mostly motherfucking good shit I figure. It's like, these miracles all up and got their chill on with me lately."

Gamzee grabbed one of his grape Faygos from the fridge, and turned in time to see John, Dave, and Terezi entering the apartment-stem. The three almost looked surprised to see him, but he didn't think too much on it.

"Gamzee! Where've you been?" Terezi asked, first to break the silence. "You never answered my texts; we were getting worried about you."

"Not me, Striders don't worry," Dave said in that stoic, flat voice that, for some reason, reminded Gamzee how much he motherfucking hated him.

Control motherfucker… Control.

Karkat said no killing.

"You should have seen it Gamzee!" John said, smiling up at him. "They had this burger challenge thing at the restaurant we went to, and Dave had to eat this huge burger in an hour! It was like, the size of my head!"

_Who the motherfuck cares what that sacrilegious scum did?_

"It was whatever," Dave shrugged, heading to his block.

_Yeah, go to your motherfucking blasphemous respiteblock._

"Bluh bluh, sassy Strider has a big mouth," Terezi teased, sniffing at Gamzee as best she could. "So what's up?"

What's up?

That lazy smile drew back on Gamzee's face, and the irritation he was feeling moments before just seemed to kind of dissipate.

He had Karkat as a motherfucking matesprit, and that was what was all up and motherfucking up.

The Capricorn wanted to say this, but then he got to motherfucking thinking; Karkat probably wanted to keep this their little secret. Shit, that motherfucker was all about his motherfucking privacy; if the others were going to find out, he'd probably want to be the one to all up and tell them. It was cool though; whatever made his moirail happy.

Matesprit?

Shit, this was still pretty motherfucking complicated.

"Hello? Earth to troll, heheh," the Libra said, poking Gamzee's foot with her cane.

"Rezi, Troll Law and Human Order is on," Dave called from his block, effectively rising that irritable sensation in Gamzee's think pan again.

"Ooh! Don't hog up the couch with your big coolkid butt," the blind troll said in response, hurrying to join him.

Man, that was kind of… Motherfucking weird.

John wandered out to the balcony, and with Dave's door swinging shut, Gamzee was left alone with Miracle once more. Shit, he already had his motherfucking know on that the human was a blasphemy spreading, disrespectful motherfucker, so why was it bothering him this much again?

What the motherfuck ever.

It didn't even all up and matter really; Karkat had said not to kill anyone, but he didn't say anything about platonically hating the motherfucking shit out of them.

"Like I said Miracle," Gamzee drawled out, lying on the living room couch. "It's been all up and crazy harshwhimsys lately… But it's okay I guess. After all, when it comes down to it I've got the most bitchtits of bros now, and I'm never going to let that motherfucker go."


	29. WOW, THIS IS KIND OF FUCKING AWKWARD

**A/N: Holy impromptu hiatus Batman! That was fucking ridiculous! :D Over two whole weeks of no updating? Lawdy, I am so sorry dear readers -_- I'm not going to try and excuse it, but I feel I do owe some sort of explanation. I hit a mini-writer's block, but the kicker is that it wasn't even for this chapter, it was for the next one. -_- I kept putting off writing this one because I was all, "Meeeh, but then I don't know what to do neeext." To surmise, I was being too feckin' lazy to just sit my ass down and hash things out.**

**BUT I FINALLY DID!**

**So sorry for the unpardonable delay, hopefully it won't happen again, enjoy chapter 29 as it is humongous and stuffed with feels.**

**Thank you all for your patience! Don't worry, I promise to never let LOHAT die. :) IT WILL GO UNTIL COMPLETION IF IT KILLS ME! \o/**

**... Shutting up now, enjoy.**

WOW, THIS IS KIND OF FUCKING AWKWARD

Karkat slouched on the couch, clicking through channel after channel of the shitty shows that passed for entertainment on this fuckwitted planet. While most of them were little more than amazing testaments to the horrible idiocy of this world, not all of them were awful; he'd managed to find a handful of sitcoms that didn't completely make him want to empty his nutrition sack. They weren't really 'good' like the high quality shows they used to have back on Alternia, but the nubby horned troll had decided they'd just have to do.

Or they would.

If they were fucking on right now.

The Cancer growled to himself, clicking faster through the stations in irritation. Jegus fuck, it really shouldn't be that hard to find _something_ to watch. Annoying though it was, watching television had become a sort of escape for him as of late. He could just sit there and fucking stare at the changing pictures and shit without having to think about school or being culled by highbloods, or-

The couch shifted some as Gamzee dropped down next to him, and the taller troll leaned back to allow his legs to stretch out to their full length.

… Or that.

His recently, partially vacillated quadrant.

Okay, maybe 'recently' was kind of a stretch; after all, it had been over two weeks since he'd accepted Gamzee's flushed feelings for him. Since then, he hadn't come anywhere close to intimate with the Capricorn; fuck, he still wouldn't even let the other troll hold his hand. It wasn't like he was intentionally trying to avoid the matter, so it basically wasn't even his fucking fault. He was still trying to get used to the idea, but his think pan always kind of went haywire when he tried to mull over the matter. Were they just matesprits now? It didn't really fucking feel any different from before. Could they even work as matesprits? Besides that, if he was Gamzee's matesprit would he stop being his moirail? Who the fuck else could even calm the Capricorn's insane, Faygo chugging ass down?

Gog damn it; this was what television was for!

One thing had kindly removed itself from Karkat's nutrition plateau though; the police investigation into those troll murders was growing less and less frenzied with each day. Disturbing though it was, the nubby horned troll had to hand one thing to his moirail-matespirt-whatever; he had apparently done a really good job covering his tracks.

Speaking of…

Karkat's red eyes stole a quick glance to the Capricorn, and he swallowed what felt like a very large lump in his throat. He wasn't looking at him, thank fuck; he was just sitting there watching the television screen. Gog damn it, when had their block become so fucking quiet? Or warm, for that matter. Should he say something? What should he say?

Fuck.

Fuck, this was awkward.

The uneven points of Karkat's teeth began to worry at his bottom lip again, and he tried to focus his think pan on whatever insipid show he had stopped on. He was getting worked up; he needed to just calm down. This didn't have to be awkward; they were just sitting on the fucking couch watching television together. He wasn't some sort of fucking grub; he was perfectly capable of just sitting here and relaxing with Gamzee. It definitely wasn't awkward, and he wasn't fucking nervous.

Not nervous.

Not even a little bit nervous.

Not.

Nervous.

Not nervous.

The subtle shift in Gamzee's frame as he casually scooted closer to Karkat was immediately picked up in the periphery of the nubby horned troll's vision. In a split second reaction to this, Karkat dropped the remote, got up from his spot on the couch and hurried over to the door.

"We need more fucking cat litter," he declared a bit louder than he had intended.

"Oh… You sure about that motherfucker?" Gamzee's voice drawled out, a hint of confusion in it. "I all up and thought Rose had picked up some of that wicked grey shit a few days ago."

Karkat hesitated, his fingers wrapped tightly around the doorknob as he tried to think up a viable excuse. That was one of the downsides to Gamzee's sobriety; he now remembered details like that with full clarity. Fuck, sometimes he even remembered shit that Karkat had forgotten.

"Yeah, I'm sure fuckass," the Cancer said defensively, opening the door. "The stupid cat shits a lot! Rose didn't get enough litter, I'm going to go get more."

With that, the nubby horned troll quickly hurried out of his and Gamzee's respiteblock; his eyes set on the front door. He was just a few quick paces away from absconding the fuck out of there; he was so close to being away from this awkwardness.

Fuck! Locks! Why the fuck were there so many locks on this gogdamn door?

"Wait, Karbro," the Capricorn called after him, casually joining the shorter troll as he fought with the doorknob.

Fuck!

"What Gamzee?" the shorter troll asked briskly, refusing to tear his attention away from the super important locks.

"Well… Do you all up and want some company, best motherfucking friend?"

"No!" Karkat practically yelled, flinching at the volume and harshness of his own voice. "I… I mean you'd just slow me down. This way… I'll be right back. There's no reason it needs to be a whole fucking shitty adventure filled fiasco, right?"

Gog fucking damn it he was bad with words.

Several seconds of silence stretched between them, and Karkat eventually figured out how to undo the last of the locks. He hesitated now, though, waiting for the taller troll to respond in some way.

"… Sure thing, best friend," the Capricorn finally said.

There was a slight shift in his tone that the Cancer couldn't help but notice, and he could practically feel his vascular pump drop into the pit of his nutrition sack. Fuck; now he had made things worse and upset Gamzee.

Jegus, he was really the shittiest piece of waste in the entire history of paradox space.

Karkat opened his mouth as if to speak but stopped, closing it once more. He momentarily gnawed at the inside of his cheek, searching for the words that wouldn't come. At this point, saying anything to try and justify why he was practically running away from Gamzee would probably just make shit worse.

"… I'll be back," he murmured quietly, grabbing Equius' sunglasses out of his fetch modus before hurrying out the door without another word.

* * *

"Wow," Dave said between light pants. "Alright, that was pretty fucking awesome."

"Heheh."

Terezi curled up close to his chest, resting her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. She was a little bit sweaty from their latest romp in the sheets, but then again so was Dave. Whatever, shit was fucking fantastic; psycho blind-alien sex was definitely the greatest thing ever and that was really all there was to say on the matter.

"You know Dave, it'd be even more awesome if-"

"Stop, don't even fucking go there," the Knight replied with a smirk. "You keep your weird alien penis thing away from my ass."

"Bluh, quit being such a wiggler. And it's not a penis," the Libra said, returning his look with one of her own. "If you'd taken Human and Troll Sexuality with me you'd know that."

"Oh man, that class is giving you so many shitty ideas," Dave said, now shifting to sit up. "You already made me suck on that stupid thing like a goddamn weird, teal lollipop. Now you want to cram that wiggling weird thing in my butt? No thanks."

"You have a prostate gland though!"

"… Okay, and?"

"And I could make it feel good," Terezi teased, licking at the Knight's neck. "Just once?"

"Goddamn it this conversation is fucking weird," Dave snickered but pulled away, retrieving his pants from his side of the bed and pulling them on. "I'm going to go get a drink. You want something?"

"Your sassy, stubborn ass," the blind troll giggled, stretching out into his abandoned spot.

"Keep dreaming; you're just going to have to keep that weird wiggly thing under control. I know it's pretty much impossible; I've kind of have the sweetest ass in all of paradox space. It's like, scientists be tracing the origins of diabetes and shit, then get all fucking surprised and scratch their heads saying, 'God damn, we never thought to check out that cool dude's ass. Fuck, we dropped the ball on that one society'."

Terezi burst into a fresh fit of giggles, to which Dave flashed a slight smirk before heading out of his room. Fortunately, John was chill about giving a bro some space when he had to give a crazy alien babe the business, so he was probably out seeing some terrible movie or something. Whatever; Dave had shooed Egbert out over an hour ago, so he and Terezi probably didn't have a whole lot longer left before they had to worry about him coming back. Man, they really needed to talk again about moving the fuck out or something. Anytime he brought it up, though, his troll girlfriend would start going on about how it would probably be a bad idea to move out in the middle of the goddamn semester. It was pretty annoying how she'd always point out that them getting their own fucking space couldn't just happen right now.

She was right, but it was still annoying.

It wasn't like it was absolutely awful living with the others; it just kind of got a little crowded sometimes. Someone was always yelling or visiting or sneaking out to murder random trolls; shit was fucking unreal ridiculous sometimes. Not to mention things got more than a little weird every now and then.

Dave walked over to the kitchenette, grabbing a clean glass out of the cupboard before rummaging through the fridge to find something to drink. He wasn't quite sure what he was in the mood for; soda, juice, or maybe even some straight up water. Seeing a fresh pitcher of sweet tea on the top shelf quickly made up his mind, though, and he plucked it out of the fridge. Setting both the glass and the pitcher on the counter, Dave was now starting to get the feeling that someone was watching him. A casual look up from behind his shades revealed the flat expression of Gamzee Makara who was glaring up at him from his seated position in front of the door.

Speaking of fucking weird.

"What up crazy juggalo troll," Dave said, nonchalantly pouring his beverage.

"Heh… Shit 'bro'," the tall troll said, a bit of strange emphasis on the last word. "I thought I up and motherfucking told you I didn't like that word."

"What, 'troll' or 'crazy'? Cause I hate to break it to you dude, but you kind of fit both those."

"You motherfucking know what I mean."

"Tch, my bad," the Knight answered boredly, setting the pitcher of tea back in the fridge. "Forgot you were serious about that crazy bullshit icp religion thing of yours."

Dave turned back around after closing the refrigerator door, and was met face to… Well, chest-stomach area with Gamzee. Tilting his head up slightly, the Knight quirked a single eyebrow up over his shades to the troll's unreadable expression. He didn't look too happy, all fucking stoic and pissy looking behind that shitty, painted on clown makeup, but his eyes weren't red so he obviously wasn't that mad.

"Yo, you're in my way juggalo," Dave said, a daring smirk on his lips as he said the last word.

"Hey, Dave!" came the sudden voice of John, bursting in through Gamzee's previously stationed position at the front door. "They were having this sale on video games! Two for one, I bought so many sweet new games. I was going to hook them up in the Jade and Rose's room, did you and Terezi want to play?"

Dave continued his silent stare-down with the tall troll for a few moments longer, but he finally looked away. Taking his glass from the counter, he shoulder bumped Gamzee out of the way and began making his way back to his room.

"Nah man, not yet. Give me a few more minutes though; we'll be out in a bit."

"Sure thing! I'll get everything set up and make some popcorn or something."

"Sweet."

"Uh… Gamzee, did you want to play too?" John said, a bit of an awkward tone to his voice. "Because you totally could, uh, if you wanted to, I mean."

"No."

"Oh… Okay well, if you change your mind…"

John's words trailed out behind Dave before the door was finally closed on them, granting the Knight a few more minutes of privacy with his sexy space girlfriend.

"Sounds like John's back," Terezi snickered, pulling on Dave's shirt. "Did he say he got more games?"

"Yeah, apparently there was a sale or some shit," the Knight replied, taking a sip from his drink before climbing back into bed with Terezi. "… I see you decided to change the sheets then."

The blind troll snickered as Dave surveyed the fresh linens that now replaced the teal, sticky and gross ones they'd previously had.

"Well, John tends to get kind of grossed out by that stuff," Terezi explained, wrapping her arms around Dave. "So does this mean no cuddling?"

"What? No way, there's going to be all kinds of fucking cuddling up in here," the Knight said, pulling the Libra close to him.

Terezi cackled at this but gave in, rewarding him with a gentle kiss before climbing into his lap. Gaming with Egbert and avoiding weird juggalo troll could wait a bit longer; Dave had some serious cuddling to get done with his girlfriend.

Only cuddling now.

* * *

Karkat sighed, clutching the bag of cat litter to him as he tried to think over what to do next. Why the fuck had he even ended up buying this stupid shit? As if Gamzee really even believed his bullshit story about needing to go out and get cat litter; it was pathetic.

He was pathetic.

And now, here he was sitting on the sidewalk outside of a pet store clinging to a bag of cat litter while wearing the broken sunglasses of his dead, sweaty friend. Yeah, life pretty much fucking sucked right now.

Why the hell couldn't he just relax around Gamzee? He obviously had red feelings for him and shit, so why was this all so damn awkward? This kind of thing never happened in his romcoms; when the protagonist finally realizes that he's flushed red for someone, there's only all the yearning and happiness that's supposed to come from those kinds of romances. Of course, though, shit just couldn't be that simple for Karkat. No, he had to sit around fussing about everything and making things worse by being awkward and confused. He couldn't just fucking relax and let things happen.

The nubby horned troll frowned, standing up now with a newfound sense of determination. There was only one solution to all of this; he was going to have to fucking hoist himself up off the ground, march right up into the apartment-stem and deal with this! No more running and hiding and waiting for three hours after his ablution in the ablution block until Gamzee fell asleep. He was a troll damn it! He was Karkat Vantas and he was not going to run away from his first ever real matesprit or his flushed feelings. Hell, he might even pull Gamzee down from his ridiculously huge fucking height into the sloppiest of makeouts right in front of all those other fuckass hivemates of his!

… Okay, no, fuck that idea in every orifice.

He wasn't going to do that.

But still… It was time to confront this awkwardness head-on and fucking learn to relax around Gamzee. He was going to figure out the strange perplexities of mating fondness if it killed him. No matter what, he was going to go back there and spend some serious time with Gamzee; no more fucking shit up.

* * *

"Just give her a little more time," Jade said, hefting up her sagging bag of groceries. "She'll come around!"

"Hmm… If only things were so simple," Kanaya answered.

The glowing troll then reached into her jacket pocket, fishing around for the key to the apartment-stem with her free hand. She and Jade had just come back from yet another journey to restock the thinning cupboards and refrigerator, and they were once more discussing Rose who, true to fashion, had refused to come along with them. Kanaya couldn't get enough of the subject; it was just yet another piece of information to divide her attention towards.

There was still no sign of the highbloods, a fact that was beginning to worry the rainbow drinker instead of comforting her. The Grand Highblood had seemed absolutely adamant about finding Karkat, and she seriously doubted he would be easily deterred. Something else was going on here, and nothing Kanaya could come up with made her feel any better about the situation. After all, the higher ranking subjugglators weren't some run of the mill outcasts like the ones common in the human-troll city; for all the Virgo knew, laughsassins could be following them right now. She had to keep her guard up; her friend's safety depended on it.

Pushing open the door to the apartment-stem, Kanaya heard a small 'thunk' as it stopped a little more than halfway. A bit confused, the rainbow drinker peaked through the opening and was met with the yellow tips of Gamzee's horns. The glowing troll raised an eyebrow at this before looking down to the Capricorn sitting in front of the door.

"Hey motherfucker," he said flatly. "What's up?"

"I believe I could inquire about the same matter," Kanaya responded, slipping through the space. "Gamzee, why are you sitting on the floor?"

"Um… Gamzee?" Jade mumbled behind her, tentatively glancing over Kanaya's shoulder. "Hi… Um… Kanaya, do you need help putting these away? I've still got some homework to get done…"

"I should be fine, just leave them on the counter."

The human quickly deposited her armful of groceries in the kitchenette before making a hasty abscond to her and Rose's room. Kanaya couldn't help but wonder how much longer she'd continue to act nervous around Gamzee. The other humans seemed to have gotten over the highblood's previous… lack of control. Perhaps Jade hadn't been quite up to date on the possibility of that happening?

Well, she'd get over it eventually.

"Gamzee?" Kanaya tried again, closing the door.

"Honk?"

"You didn't answer me. Why are you sitting in front of the door like that?"

"Oh… Uh… Shit, I was just all up and uh…" Gamzee mumbled, clearly having trouble coming up with an answer. "You motherfucking know how… And shit…"

"… Pardon?"

"Just getting my motherfucking chill on with the ground, glowing sis," the Capricorn said quietly.

"I see…" the Virgo said skeptically. "Not that I don't entirely believe that or anything of the sort, but where's Karkat?"

Kanaya set to work putting away the various groceries as she spoke, and after several silent minutes she stopped and turned her attention back to the taller troll. Taking a closer look, she noted that the Capricorn's head had drooped some, and he didn't appear to be preparing an answer anytime soon. Rolling her eyes, the rainbow drinker decided to brush the matter off; it wasn't any of her business, and she wasn't about to get too close to the unstable highblood. If he was going to be strange and depressed next to the door, than that was his business. He was still dangerous, and she couldn't afford to see him as simply a friend who really could use her help. Even though he was making it pretty obvious that something was going on and that discussing it with someone would probably help. No, no; that wasn't her business. Karkat was his moirail, he would deal with whatever the Capricorn was going through.

She didn't need to intervene.

Finishing up the groceries, the glowing troll began to head to her and Terezi's room. Though she'd achieved a personal best for not being a meddling fussyfangs, she hadn't even made it a third of the way there before she was turning back around.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Kanaya sighed, looking down at Gamzee. "What's going on?"

The taller troll still refused to answer her, though, much to her irritation. Perhaps she needed to come down to his level?

Seriously; sometimes it was like she was dealing with a bunch of wigglers.

Kanaya sat down next to Gamzee, tilting her head some to try and see his expression. His eyes were yellow; that was always a good sign. However, his lazy smile was only half as long as it usually was, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that something was bothering him.

"We can sit here all day if you'd like," the rainbow drinker tried, tweaking her approach some. "Or you can save us both a lot of time and just enlighten me as to the root of this peculiar behavior."

"… I don't know where Karkat is," the taller troll finally confessed, meeting her gaze with an almost guilty look. "Motherfucker all up and left some wicked long time ago."

"Ah, well I'm sure he'll be back shortly. Isn't it a bit melodramatic to be moping around like this over his return?"

"You don't motherfucking understand bitchtits," Gamzee went on, nervously scratching at the back of his neck. "He all up and… He didn't want me to motherfucking be with him."

"… I see," Kanaya said, trying her best to understand the clown's distress. "But Gamzee, is such an act of antisocial behavior really that abnormal for Karkat?"

"Shit… I guess not but… Motherfucker's supposed to…" the taller troll trailed off, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that," the Virgo replied, shifting a bit closer to try and hear his mumbling. "Was he supposed to do something that he forgot to do?"

"Nah, it ain't like that sis, he just…"

Gamzee appeared to be struggling with this, and after a few moments he sat up straight, looking dead into Kanaya's jade and yellow eyes. He had a serious expression on, one that clashed in an unsettling way with his painted on, cheery greasepaint.

"Bitchtits, I'm going to tell you some wicked miracles that you can't up and get to sharing with any other motherfucker," the Capricorn said sternly, checking around as if to make sure no others were listening. "You have to motherfucking swear it glowing sis. Can't even motherfucking tell Karkat."

"Of course, you have my secrecy," Kanaya answered, genuinely interested now as to what this was all about.

"Alright, so, it's motherfucking like this," Gamzee went on, glancing off to the side and breaking their eye contact. "You remember all up and… When like, I was to be all up to my wicked shit culling those motherfuckers?"

"… When you killed all those trolls a few weeks ago? Yes, I remember."

"Right, well, when Karkat went and motherfucking found me," the taller troll shifted some, appearing uncomfortable with the conversation. "We uh… Shit, and those… Motherfucking… Red hearts I was telling you about?"

Realization dawned into Kanaya's think pan in a flash, and she couldn't stop her jaw from dropping open in surprise. Was she hearing all of this correctly? It seemed that Gamzee was attempting to tell her that he and Karkat had begun a matespritship.

"… I… See," was all the glowing troll could manage as she tried to process all of this.

"Yeah… But ever since then, that wicked motherfuck has been all up and avoiding me."

"And he explicitly told you he didn't want you to join him when he left just now?"

"That's pretty much how it motherfucking went down."

"Well, first I suppose congratulations are in order; as I recall you'd wanted Karkat as a matesprit for some time now."

"Thanks, bitchtits."

"Yes, but moving on from that, I believe that I might have some advice for you on the matter," Kanaya said, standing up from the floor. "Gamzee, as his previous moirail-"

"I'm still his motherfucking moirail," the taller troll cut in sharply.

"… Alright then, as his _current_ moirail," she went on, making a mental note to ask Karkat about whether or not Gamzee was actually in both quadrants someday. "You should know that you're likely his first matesprit?"

"Shit, I guess so… I know he had motherfucking red hearts for blind sis some wicked time ago, but I don't all up and think things went that mirthful way."

"So it would be safe to assume that you're probably his first real matesprit them?"

"Probably, motherfucker."

"Continuing on with that initial assumption, then, coupled with what we know about Karkat's overall personality and reluctance to accept change, wouldn't it also be safe to assume he might be a little… Nervous?"

"… Nervous?" Gamzee stood as well now, rising to his familiar, slouched height. "Why would he all up and be motherfucking nervous?"

"Think about it," Kanaya said. "If Karkat's never seriously been physical or intimate with another troll, wouldn't he be just as concerned things would get messed up as he is with, well, just about everything else in his life?"

"… Huh… I didn't get to motherfucking thinking about it like that."

"You adapt to these sorts of changes much easier than Karkat does. On top of that, Karkat watches those insufferable romcoms of his; he's probably got several elaborate, unreasonably high expectations for how he's supposed to feel on the matter. Just give him some time, and try to take things slow; he'll come around."

"Take things slow?"

"Yes, for example," Kanaya went on, busying herself with checking Miracle's water dish. "Instead of instantly trying to initiate sloppy makeouts with him, maybe spend some time just being with him until he relaxes. I believe the humans call it, 'setting the mood'?"

"… Bitchtits, you just gave me the most mirthful of motherfucking ideas," the Capricorn said, his smile stretching once more. "You work all kinds of miracles and shit."

"Well, I'm glad I could be of assistance," Kanaya answered, watching as he opened the front door. "Where are you going?"

"To make some motherfucking miracles. I'll be back in a wicked harsh whimsy of a second. Oh, and uh," Gamzee said, hesitating some. "You promise you won't all up and tell any motherfuckers what I told at your auricular sponge clots?"

"Yes, I promise I won't tell."

"… Thanks glowing sis."

With no more words than that, the taller troll closed the door behind him. Kanaya couldn't help but smirk; it felt good to auspictize again. She wasn't sure what exactly Gamzee had planned, but he appeared to have taken her advice.

If only she could sort out her own romantic life as well as she could others.

* * *

The front door of the apartment-stem creaked open and the broken sunglasses of one nubby horned troll carefully peaked inside.

The coast was clear… For now.

Karkat hurried in with his unnecessary bag of cat litter clutched tightly to him, kicking the door shut as he entered. It was a bit late, almost ten, and the other fuckasses all seemed to be tucked away in their own blocks or out somewhere. With any luck, Gamzee would be a part of the latter.

Wait, no, fuck.

That's not how non-awkward feeling romcom protagonists thought about their matesprits!

The Cancer was determined to have a nice night with Gamzee; they were going to do sweet, red quadrant things together if it killed him! Hell, they might even cuddle and hold hands! They'd get all curled up on the couch before having the sloppiest of makeouts and-

A bright red blush flooded Karkat's cheeks as he unsuccessfully tried to make this all feel normal in his think pan. The nubby horned troll unceremoniously deposited the bag of cat litter on the floor in the kitchenette. Once his embarrassment subsided, that familiar scowl of irritation had returned.

Why did he have to fuck everything up?

He couldn't even do something as simple as spend time with his matesprit right.

Karkat walked over to his respiteblock, removing Equius' sunglasses and dropping them back into his sylladex as he did so. Clearly he wasn't going to be making any progress relaxing around Gamzee tonight; maybe it'd be best to just curl up in the sopor slime until his useless self passed out. As he opened the door of his and Gamzee's block, though, his sniffnodes were flooded with a deliciously sweet aroma. It didn't take long for Karkat to hone in on the source of the smell; sitting at one end of the couch was his matesprit with a bowl of some strange looking popcorn.

"… What?" the short troll asked, too distracted by the tasty scent to remember his previous line of thought.

"Hey Karbro," the Capricorn said, setting the bowl down next to him. "I all up and thought we could have a motherfucking movie night. You know that movie you've been getting your wicked excitement on about?"

The fuck was he talking about?

Movie? He wasn't getting excited about any-

Oh gog.

No way, he couldn't possibly be talking about-

"In Which Two Trolls Vacillate Between All Four Quadrants Before Eventually Settling On One, The Antagonist Is A Troll Of A Much Higher Blood Color On The Hemospectrum Who Does A Funny Dance, Fifty Lines That Could Be Construed As Humorous, Twelve Scenarios Of Situations In Which Poor Communication Leads To Unexpected Circumstances, But Everything Works Out In The End?"

"That's the one motherfucker."

"Jegus fuck, are you serious? I swear Gamzee, if you're screwing with me right now-"

Karkat was effectively silenced as the Capricorn plucked the DVD from its spot next to the television set and tossed it to him. The nubby horned troll made sure to catch it, and his face lit up as he delicately held the movie. Surely enough, it was the very movie he'd been wanting to see for weeks now. When the fuck had this even come out on DVD?

Whatever, it didn't matter; they had to watch it right now.

"Can… Can we watch it now?" Karkat asked, looking up to Gamzee with all the hope and excitement of a small child.

"Bro, that's what I all up and motherfucking got it for," the Capricorn chuckled.

"Shut up. Jegus, this is going to be so great," Karkat said, speaking fast as he hurried over to the DVD player to pop in the movie. "When the fuck did you even get this?"

"Shit, don't get your worry on to motherfucking details like that," Gamzee said lazily, stretching some in his seat. "I also got this tasty mirth popcorn miracles. My cartilage nub got to smelling it earlier and I all up and knew it'd be motherfucking perfect."

"Popcorn? That doesn't look like any Earth popcorn I've ever seen," the Cancer said, glancing over to the bowl suspiciously as he closed the DVD tray. "How do you even know that shit's actually food? It could be poison or something…"

"Nah, don't even get your motherfucking think pan on that idea. John said it's called 'caramel corn'. It's got sugary miracles all up on it."

"Okay, well, shut the fuck up now," Karkat said, taking his seat in the empty spot on the couch. "It's starting."

Alright, so it wasn't exactly starting; but the previews were probably one of the most exciting parts of any movie! They kept the nubby horned troll informed about what masterpieces he could expect in the months to come. Staring intently at the screen, the Cancer's attention was only momentarily broken by the tasty smelling bowl of caramel corn being set on his lap. Karkat looked down at it, and then up at Gamzee who was giving him a knowing smile.

Well… This shit did smell really good.

Maybe it wouldn't be completely awful?

After a few seconds of quiet contemplation, the nubby horned troll grabbed a fistful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth. The uneven points of his teeth made short work of it, and he was pleasantly surprised to find that the caramel corn tasted as good as it smelled. Eyes locked on the television screen once more, Karkat took up another handful and set to work on that as well.

"… Motherfucking good, right?" Gamzee said, a playful tease to his voice.

"Fuck off," the Cancer responded absentmindedly, eating the last bit of popcorn out of his hand. "Also, you're not getting this back."

The taller troll chuckled some at this, but Karkat's attention was now fully on the movie; the previews had finished up and they were finally at the feature presentation. Between the riveting story unfolding before his eyes and the delicious caramel corn he was scarfing down, the Cancer hadn't really noticed that he'd been calmly and successfully sitting with Gamzee for the first thirty minutes of the movie.

That was, right up until a long, gentle arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Karkat froze, his body going rigid as he realized that, at some point during the movie, Gamzee had moved much closer to him. The short troll's cheeks were puffed out some with the barely contained amount of caramel corn he'd stuffed in his mouth, and the treat suddenly felt much stickier. For a few minutes, the Cancer was genuinely concerned that he wasn't going to be able to swallow. With some effort, though, he managed to get the glob of caramel corn down, and it sank to the bottom of his nutrition sack like a lead weight.

Oh gog, Gamzee's arm was around him.

Calm down, calm down, don't fucking freak out.

Just eat the popcorn.

Now being careful to only take one piece at a time, Karkat tried to focus his attention solely on the caramel corn and movie. If he could keep his think pan on anything other than Gamzee's arm around him and how fucking nervous he was, he'd be fine. This didn't have to be awkward or-

"Psst, Karbro," the Capricorn said quietly, leaning down some to Karkat's level. "I don't motherfucking get it."

Oh fuck, oh fuck.

He didn't know why Karkat was nervous; how the fuck was he going to explain this?

'I'm a fuckass grub who can't handle intimacy'?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Why is he all up and motherfucking leaving?"

Oh.

He was talking about the movie.

Wait, how the fuck could he not get that?

"Look, it's really simple," Karkat said matter-of-factly, pointing to the protagonist. "If he doesn't go to his ex-matesprit's hive, she'll be culled by the Imperial Drone."

"But… If they're not up and getting wicked whimsy on together anymore, then why does he motherfucking care? Does he want to be her mirthful matesprit again? Then what about the other dude?"

"Jegus, you don't just instantly stop giving a shit about someone when you break up," Karkat went on. "No, he doesn't want to be her matesprit, but he also doesn't want her to just get culled because he dumped her."

"… So what is he going to do?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen it happen yet dumbfuck. He'll probably do something to try and trick the Imperial Drone or make them go away or something."

"… Huh. But does that bro know that's why he's going back to her?"

"No, no, that's why it's such a bad situation. He thinks he's just going to take her back or something."

This went on for a while longer until Gamzee eventually ran out of questions, and Karkat was left once more with only the caramel corn and movie itself to occupy his attention. Soon enough, his claws were scraping the bottom of the bowl and it was soon evicted from the couch, likely to be picked up and properly placed back into the kitchenette the next morning.

After a lot of shenanigans and plot relevant drama, the movie was finally drawing to its close with Karkat concluding that yes, it too had to be part of his romcom collection. It would definitely become a classic and he seriously doubted anything else made that year could come close in comparison.

All in all, the whole evening had been very… Nice.

Yes; it had been a really nice night.

And here he was, sitting on the couch with Gamzee's arm around him, perfectly relaxed and genuinely enjoying himself.

"… Hey, Gamzee," the nubby horned troll said, shifting some to look up at the taller troll. "I guess… Thanks for-"

The Cancer stopped, then, as he noticed that the Capricorn's eyes were closed; his breath evened out in a peaceful slumber. Figures; the fuckass had fallen asleep before the movie was over. Now that Karkat thought about it, though, he'd never actually seen Gamzee sleeping before. It was a bit peculiar to see, if he were honest; it felt as if he was remembering this instead of actually seeing it.

He looked kind of… Sort of… Cute?

No, fuck that, not 'cute', that wasn't the right word.

Adorabloodthirsty?

… Okay.

He looked adorabloodthirsty.

"Fuckass," the Cancer murmured, a slight smile on his lips as he watched the other's sleeping expression.

After a few moments of hesitation, the nubby horned troll leaned over and placed a gentle, quick kiss on Gamzee's cheek before wriggling out of his arm and heading over to his recuperacoon. Maybe Karkat's romance wouldn't be as entertaining or picturesque as his romcoms were, but maybe they didn't have to be. Maybe… This was just as good. All matters aside, his relationship with Gamzee was maybe even a little better than his romcoms; if that was possible.

Because it was real.

And it was really his.


	30. Meowbeasts Do Not Enjoy Ablutions

Meowbeasts Do Not Enjoy Ablutions

"Well, he did kind of kill all those trolls... Maybe he feels guilty."

"Oh yeah, because when I feel guilty I totally get some major death glare going on. Seriously dude, juggalo troll's giving me this weird vibe. Don't get me wrong it's whatever, like I really give a shit, but I'm just saying man, if that guy thinks he's going to catch me off guard, he's got another thing coming."

"Have you tried- Come on Dave! Another banana? You've already lapped me twice!"

"Hey, no one's telling you to run over that phallic, slippery fruit."

John sighed, watching Yoshi's kart spin out of control once more on the television screen. It wasn't even like he ever had any chance at avoiding those things either! There had to be some sort of rule against it; Dave would get right in front of him and then drop those virtual bananas. He was cheating!

"So lame... But anyway, have you tried talking to Karkat about it?"

"No? Why the fuck would I do that? As if getting yelled at by the clown's one, angry, midget friend is really going to shed any sort of light on the situation. I swear, if I have to put up with much more of his bullshit I'm going to fly off the handle. I'm going to do some sort of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle."

"Karkat's not so bad," the Heir said, adjusting to sit up a bit straighter on the couch. "He's just a big grouchpants all the time, I don't think he really means it."

"Yeah well, again, look at all the shits I give."

The door to their room was thrown open, then, effectively tearing their attention away from the half-assed game of Mario Kart. One Terezi Pyrope quickly entered, that usual, toothy grin on her face as warm and inviting as any crocodile's would be. She was always randomly popping in like this, but John didn't really mind all that much; Dave could try his best to play off like he and Terezi were no big deal, but the Heir could tell that the blind troll really made his friend happy. She was like, the Tricia to his Cameron!

Okay, not really.

But still, Con Air was such a great movie.

"Hey Rezi," Dave said nonchalantly, taking a second to pause their game.

"Strider, Eg-derp," the Libra snickered, standing in front of the television set. "I just found out about the greatest fucking thing ever."

* * *

Rose strolled down the sidewalk, pulling her light jacket a bit closer to her. The fall was almost here, and the weather had certainly begun to take a turn for the chilly. Perhaps it was because she'd been in space and strange dimensions and such the past few years, but the Seer was finding she was adapting less readily than she initially would have to the changing season. The temperature was by no means unbearable, or even really all that uncomfortable, but it certainly was no time to be caught without a jacket.

That said, it was the perfect weather for a nice, warm cup of coffee.

Rose took a sip from her trendy looking little cup of coffee and looked down the street, wondering where precisely she was heading. This sort of daily walk had been doing wonders for her lately; with Kanaya around, the Seer could use any distractions that would come her way. Taking a leisurely walk through the city was just the sort of thing to help her clear her mind of any troublesome thoughts.

Or it usually was... When she was alone.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Jade said, walking beside her.

"Despite the fact that you've already asked me this five previous times, I'm afraid my answer remains largely unchanged," Rose said flatly, pausing to take another sip from her beverage. "Yes, I'm quite certain I don't want to talk about it."

"Well... Maybe if you talked about it with her?"

"While that sounds like the most riveting of ideas, I think I'll pass."

"What if she ends up staying here for good though? Don't you think you'll eventually have to deal with this?"

"I'm doubtful of that. Honestly, I believe her arrival is merely the predecessor for something else. She's definitely here for some reason, but an unrequited romance with me is clearly not it. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say it's more likely related to some troll matter. Given Gamzee's unstable nature, I'd assume it probably has something to do with him. Either way, once she's accomplished whatever she's here for she shall return back to her duties and be out of our lives once more. That's all there really is to say on the matter."

"But Rose, Kanaya-"

"Jade, I know you're just trying to help," the Seer said before the other could finish. "But to be completely candid, I usually take these walks alone in order to clear my mind on the matter. It's the last thing I want to talk or even think about right now."

A bit of silence stretched between them, and Rose quietly hoped that Jade would just decide to go back to the apartment-stem. She was slowly beginning to run out of coffee, and when that was gone she'd have nothing left to preoccupy herself with between these bouts of painfully awkward, forced conversations. After several more minutes of silence, the Seer eventually had to conclude that Jade wasn't going to be leaving her side anytime soon. Her persistence on the matter, while sweet and endearing, was to remain largely futile.

The Witch would be getting no information out of her.

* * *

Jegus fuck, this code was stupid.

All codes were stupid, but this one was stupider.

Was that even a word?

Whatever, this code was an incorrect, nonsense word then.

Karkat glared at his husktop screen, hammering away at the keyboard to try and make heads or tails of the code he was trying to create. It wasn't anything serious, really more of a way to pass the time, but after his first handful of unsuccessfully attempts to make a coherent code he'd now developed an obsession with getting it to work. This stupid code could just go fuck itself if it thought it could get one up on him.

The soft, rustling sounds of movement came from the couch behind him, and the Cancer glanced over to the taller troll rousing from his slumber. It was already well into the afternoon, and Karkat had been wondering exactly when that Faygo chugging asshole was going to wake the fuck up. Apparently, that time was now as Gamzee lazily sat up, stretching his arms some before letting out a long yawn. Those sleepy, purple and yellow eyes blearily opened, and for a second the two made eye contact. It made Karkat feel a bit uncomfortable, though, so he quickly turned back around to face his husktop.

"Morning, best friend," the Capricorn said.

"Morning, fuckass," the nubby horned troll responded, trying to refocus on his code.

"What are you all up and getting your bad self to doing?"

"Just trying to work on this fucking code without being distracted by giant clownish asshats," he grumbled, trying to maintain his usual level of irritation. "In case you're wondering, it was going fucking beautifully up until about a minute ago."

Two long arms suddenly wrapped around Karkat's chair and waist, squeezing him gently into a sort of awkward hug. The Cancer tensed some, looking down at the appendages with a faint blush in his cheeks. This didn't help make anything less awkward, though, as then he felt the taller troll lean over the back of his chair, nuzzling into the messy, black nest of tangles he called hair.

"Fuckass..." the short troll mumbled, trying his best to sound annoyed.

"Honk," Gamzee answered, giving one last nuzzle before pulling away. "Your hair smells like motherfucking miracles Karbro."

"Wow, because that wasn't an awkward as fuck thing to say," Karkat said, brushing off the light affection and quickly rebounding to his previous, acrimonious disposition. "Don't smell my hair. Fucking psycho..."

"Whoa, is it motherfucking Sunday?"

"Well, seeing as last night was Saturday and now it's morning, it's probably safe to say 'no'. It's not Sunday. In fact, you were blacked out for an entire fucking year. You missed your Wriggling Day, but don't fucking stress over it because nobody got you anything except for me. I got you a single cell of intelligence to keep the lonely one you've got company. You're fucking welcome."

"... Shit, when even is my motherfucking Wriggling Day on this planet? Or yours?"

Karkat stopped working on his coding for a second, thinking over the question. When they'd been playing the game and on that giant floating rock, it had kind of been fucking hard to track time as it would have passed on Alternia. Aradia had always been able to tell them, either due to her being a robot or because of her freaky time powers, but once she had blown up the group had kind of defaulted to guesswork. Even now, the nubby horned troll only had an estimate for about how old he was.

Fuck, this was stupid; he could figure out that shit later.

"Bro, I all up and need to return that dvd to the motherfucking video store," Gamzee said, clearly having already lost interest in his own, previous question. "Want me to pick you up something while I'm out, best friend?"

The nubby horned troll thought for a few minutes, wondering if they were low on any snacks in the apartment-stem. Unable to think of any right off the top of his think pan, though, he gave a passive shake of his head in response.

"Alright best motherfucking friend, you stay all up and motherfucking cute right there," Gamzee said, earning a scowl from the Cancer. "I'll be right back."

"Yeah, fine, just fucking go already."

"Honk!"

Karkat listened until he heard the door to the respiteblock open and close before letting out a soft sigh. Finally, he could get some peace and quiet to get down to some serious fucking coding. His ~ATH book probably would have helped him with this, but it was probably buried somewhere in the closet and he was feeling too lazy to go digging around for it. Maybe it'd be easier if he just scrapped the whole thing and started fresh?

Speaking of fresh...

What the fuck was that smell?

The nubby horned troll wrinkled his cartilage nub some, an unpleasant odor wafting into it. It had a sort of sour, almost fishy scent that kind of reminded him of that fucking douchebag hipster, Eridan. Karkat had taken an ablution earlier that morning, but perhaps he'd accidentally thrown on a dirty set of clothes?

Lifting his sleeve to his face, the Cancer carefully sniffed over his shirt before maneuvering around awkwardly to check his pants as well. Still not locating the stench, he then got up and took a few cautious whiffs of his rolling chair.

Where the fuck was that coming from?

The nubby horned troll growled some, moving around the block to try and discern the origin of the stink. Fuck coding; he wasn't going to be able to keep down the contents of his nutrition sack like this. He'd find the smell, get rid of it, and then get back to his husktop and code the fuck out of that thing.

Not the couch.

Not Gamzee's pile of clothes.

Not his fluffy blanket.

"Meow?"

"Get the fuck out of the way cat," the Cancer grumbled, shooing Miracle out of the way.

When the hell had she even been let back in the room? She sure as fuck wasn't in here the previous night; Karkat would have remembered shoving her off the couch. Whatever, she probably just ran in when Gamzee opened the door.

… Wait a fucking second.

The nubby horned troll snatched up Miracle, wasting no time in lifting her to his sniffnodes and taking a deep breath.

"Jegus fuck!" Karkat yelled, quickly extending the smelly culprit as far away from himself as his short arms would let him. "What the ever loving fuck have you been getting into?"

Miracle tilted her head, blinking cluelessly at the shouting troll. Karkat rolled his eyes; it was apparent that getting mad at the stupid cat wasn't going to make things any better. He guessed he couldn't completely blame her; it wasn't as if she decided to smell like a nasty lump of fishy filth. Still, though, she smelled pretty fucking awful and he very well couldn't leave her like that. Glancing around, Karkat's eyes finally stopped on the ablution block and his expression lightened some.

"Clearly no one in this fuckass apartment-stem is responsible enough to handle themselves, much less some dumbass meowbeast," Karkat announced, making his way to the ablution block. "Where would they fucking be without me? Oh, right, probably dead in space being stabbed by a god tier, one armed flying psycho dog jester. Once more, the weight of this helpless, stupid creature falls squarely on my steady, trustworthy shoulders."

Was it really that much of a hassle to spend five fucking minutes to give a stinky cat an ablution?

Besides that, how hard could it be?

* * *

Kanaya turned to the next page of the newspaper, carefully scanning the different articles for the words 'highblood' or 'subjugglator'. Scour though she might, the rainbow drinker was having no luck in finding any leads to the Grand Highblood's advancement towards the human-troll city.

How on earth could a enormous, mentally unstable troll and his army of murderous followers stay undetected for so long?

The Virgo set the paper down, reaching up to rub her tired eyes; it just didn't make any sense. The leader of the subjugglators had all but explicitly stated that he would be tracking Karkat down, so where could he possibly be? To think, she'd rushed to get out here before his arrival only for there to still be no sign of him weeks later.

Or was it months?

She was beginning to lose track of time.

Getting up from her bar stool, Kanaya left the newspaper sitting on the bartop and went to the fridge to fetch a bottle of troll-blood substitute. She'd assumed that the others probably wouldn't react well to authentic bottles of blood sitting on the shelves, so she'd settled for the bland, boring synthetic. It wasn't nearly as tasty, but it would just have to do. As she opened the fridge, the Virgo noticed a fresh pitcher of tea sitting on the top shelf; Rose must have made it. Kanaya sighed to herself, plucking the nearest troll-blood substitute from the fridge and closing the door.

Perhaps... She _should_ take Jade's advice to try and rebuild their former bond.

"_How would I even go about doing that?"_

"_Well, I don't know for sure, and it would probably be difficult... But not impossible!" Jade responded giving her a buck toothed grin._

"_I'm afraid I'm not quite following what you're suggesting I do."_

"_Sorry, let me try to explain... Rose still really likes you, but I think she's afraid that you're going to hurt her again. But even if you two aren't going to be in a relationship, I still think you should still be friends."_

"_I... erm," the Virgo said, at a loss for words as a dark jade blush flooded her cheeks. "How... Did she tell you that?"_

"_Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret," Jade said, quickly covering her mouth. "Um, well since it's already out there... Yes, she told me that you two sort of had a thing..."_

"_Could such a simple, briefly lived attraction towards one another really be considered any sort of 'thing'?"_

"_When you put it like that... I guess not. But still, you two were such good friends! And if you're anything like Rose, I'm guessing you miss her a lot, right?"_

"_... It would be fair to say that, yes."_

"_Kanaya, it's never too late to fix things. You just need to get Rose to relax enough to let you heal the rift between you two. I know you can, and I know that both of you will be a lot happier once you put this disagreement behind you."_

The rainbow drinker sat down on the couch now, picking up the remote from the end table and clicking the television on. Jade's ideas were sweet, but she had a tendency to oversimplify things. Matters between she and Rose were still tense and awkward; it wouldn't exactly be an easy feat to get the Seer to let her guard down around her. The Virgo couldn't even bring herself to blame the human; after all, she hadn't been the one to quell their chances at a red romance.

No; that duty had belonged solely to Kanaya.

And now, if she wanted any form of association with the blonde human, it was her duty to fix their broken friendship.

Surfing through the channels, the glowing troll only half paid attention to what was on. Whenever she passed through one of the news channels, she'd hesitate long enough to make sure there was no breaking news before going on. Between keeping a watch for highbloods and trying to sort out this situation between her and Rose, the glowing troll now had quite a bit on her nutrition plateau. Maybe she _should_ try to find something to take her mind off things; some sort of fun, enjoyable activity that perhaps she could invite Rose to join in on.

There couldn't be any harm in merely attempting to do something together, right?

Kanaya's jade eyes continued to watch the television screen, and she finally stopped changing channels as a fairly interesting commercial suddenly caught her attention.

… Why, yes.

Yes; that would be perfect!

* * *

Woah.

It was like... Some sort of motherfucking slide for movies.

Gamzee stared down into the return slot outside of the video store, still holding the dvd he was supposed to drop down the chute. He hadn't initially planned to study the simple contraption, but five minutes later he was still opening and shutting the flap, trying to see where the return slot emptied out to. Due to the sharp angle, though, the highblood was seeing little more than darkness through the opening. Finally losing interest, the lanky troll lifted the flap one last time before dropping the romcom into it.

There we go; motherfucker was all up and getting its chill on with the other movies now.

_Motherfucking disgrace._

Oh? Hadn't all up and heard from this voice-bro in a while.

_Claim the mutant; what are you waiting for?_

Shit, don't even all up and motherfucking go there; we had some pretty mirthful snuggle times in our bitchtits block.

Gamzee began walking away from the video store, a lazy smile on his painted face as he began yet another argument with the voice motherfucker in his think pan. He hadn't really told Karkat about the voice yet; knowing his best motherfucking friend, he'd probably just get his worry throbber going. Something like this wasn't even that big a deal that his bro needed to get his freak out starting for. The purple blooded troll was controlling himself, and in the end that was all Karkat really wanted, right?

It would just be better if he didn't know.

_Why are you restraining yourself? You know he'd be powerless to stop you._

Just have to all up and be patient bro.

_But your patience is wearing thin; you can't suppress your true nature forever._

Shit, things will work out when the time is motherfucking right.

_When?_

Uh... I don't know, maybe when Karkat's feeling more comfortable and-

_THAT'S NOT MOTHERFUCKING GOOD ENOUGH!_

The Capricorn stumbled to a stop, hands quickly rising to hold the sides of his head as a surge of pain shot through his think pan. For a few moments, the yellow of his eyes flashed a dark orange color before being squeezed shut behind his eyelids. Visions of carnage rose to his think pan; images of the trolls he'd murdered still fresh in his memories. His breathing sped up some as he tried to keep himself under control; the urge to give in pulsed through his think pan in painful throbs. Unsure of what else to do to make it stop Gamzee clenched his jaw tightly and kept as still as he could.

Finally, the pain in his think pan subsided and he slowly opened his eyes. He had to blink a few times to clear up the bleariness of the world around him, but whatever that had been, it was over now.

Man, that was... Motherfucking strange.

The voice would yell sometimes, but it hadn't ever all up and been like that before.

Hesitating only a minute or so, Gamzee shook his head and continued on his trek back to the apartment-stem. After that little moment of yelling and pain, the voice seemed to have returned to mirthful quiet times.

The tall troll soon regained himself, and he was once more glancing around at the different scenery as he walked; shit was getting pretty motherfucking miraculous lately. For example, trees were all up and changing color.

Who even motherfucking told them to do that?

That one tree even had a magic paper all up and stuck to it!

Gamzee pulled the colorful flyer off of the nearby pole, lazily reading over it as he came up to the apartment-stem. His grin, which had dwindled with the previous pain, now stretched wide across his face; he had to show his matesprit-moirail-Karbro this thing. Shit, this flyer must have been sent from the mirthful messiahs to rain down miracles and whimsy on his day!

Now merely a flight of stairs away from his destination, the Capricorn ascended the steps two at a time until he was at the top. Holding the flyer with one hand and fishing through his various, deep pockets with the other, he eventually withdrew his key for the apartment-stem and made little work of the door's lock. Gamzee went inside, closing the door behind him but not caring quite enough to turn back around and re-lock it; motherfucking details like that weren't important right now.

He had miracles to show Karkat.

"Bro, bro," he called, heading towards his and the nubby horned troll's respiteblock. "Karbro? You in here motherfucker?"

The block appeared to be empty, and Karkat's usual, occupied spot at the computer appeared to have been abandoned some time ago. That said, his husktop was still on, albeit sleeping, so he couldn't have gotten too far. With this in mind, Gamzee decided to try again.

"Karkat? You all up and in here, best motherfucking friend?"

"Jegus fucking hell!" came a muffled yell from the ablution block.

The Capricorn perked up some, and with an excited 'honk' he quickly opened the ablution block door.

"Bro! Hey, Kar-" Gamzee stopped, frozen by the mirth set before his see holes.

A sopping wet Miracle had dashed out as soon as he'd opened the door, but that hadn't been quite the subject that had captivated his attention. Rather, it was the nubby horned troll standing in the middle of the ablution block that caused him to tense.

"Fuckass!" Karkat growled, motioning to the opening in the door. "You let the fucking cat out! She's going to get water and shit everywhere!"

_Take him._

Gamzee didn't respond, but his purple and yellow eyes greedily scoured over every inch of the Cancer's skin that he could see. Karkat's shirt was torn up, undoubtedly from claw marks made by a certain unhappy meowbeast, and superficial grooves and scratches now peppered various spots on his body.

His dripping.

Wet.

Body.

"Why the fuck would you think it's okay to just barge in here like that?" the short troll yelled, an irritable look on his face. "Oh, I'm sorry, is there no such thing as fucking privacy anymore? My bad, I guess I missed that fucking memo that past or future me must have written!"

_Take him._

"Gamzee? Hey, are you even fucking listening to me?" Karkat asked, raising an eyebrow and taking a step closer. "Why aren't you-"

Without warning, the highblood hooked one arm around Karkat's waist, pulling the shorter troll closer and into a rough, passionate kiss. Gamzee could hear the muffled yelp of his confused bro, and he took advantage of the opening it made to deepen the kiss. His tongue carefully move between the awkwardly shaped points of Karkat's teeth, soon finding the nubby horned troll's own, slippery appendage. The Cancer's body tensed, and his hands pressed against the front of Gamzee's chest as if to push him away.

In all honesty, the Capricorn really hadn't expected much; Karkat would push him off, tell him to control himself and then yell at him for forcing himself on him. Still, though, Gamzee stole as many sweet kisses as he could; relishing in this mirthful, rare moment of sloppy makeouts with his bro. What he hadn't expected, however, was to feel Karkat's tongue tentatively begin to slide back against his own.

Wait a second...

Was Karkat... Really going to let him do this?

Gamzee wasn't about to question this miracle from his mirthful messiahs, and he slinked his other hand up to entangle his long fingers in the slick wetness of Karkat's black hair. The highblood's clothes were beginning to get a little damp pressed up against the shorter troll, but Gamzee really couldn't say he even motherfucking cared about that shit. In the silence of the ablution block, the soft 'smacks' of their kisses seemed to echo a motherfucking symphony to the Capricorn's auricular sponge clots. His vascular pump thrummed out a wicked fast beat in his chest, and he momentarily wondered if his Karbro could feel it.

Breaking their string of kisses, Gamzee now moved to Karkat's neck where he quickly began work on a small hickey at the center. One hand remained buried in the Cancer's hair, but the Capricorn's other hand had now settled to rest on the shorter troll's right hip. His fingers knotted themselves deeper into Karkat's hair, and a single digit slid over the nubbed tip of the shorter troll's horn.

"... G-Gamzee," the Cancer breathed out in little more than a soft moan. "S... St..."

Still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, the highblood ignored Karkat's choked, silent request. He nipped lightly at the now fairly visible hickey on the smaller troll's neck, and he began to teasingly play with Karkat's horn between his index finger and thumb. The Cancer shivered at the sensation, and it gave him just the push he'd needed to fully form what he was trying to say.

"Stop."

Gamzee hesitated a moment, his sensory overloaded think pan attempting to process what the other had said to him. He continued to kiss at Karkat's neck, a bit more gently vigor than he had been previously. His hand innocently slid from the shorter troll's horn to the back of his neck, and it was only when he felt the other pull away that he really got a hold of himself.

_He doesn't motherfucking order us._

"No more," Karkat mumbled, a bright blush in his cheeks as he looked down, avoiding Gamzee's gaze.

"... Sure thing motherfucker," the highblood said, ignoring the irritated voice in his think pan. "Sorry... You were just all up and being adorable and-"

"Sh-shut up fuckass," the Cancer said, crossing his arms defensively. "Whatever... Anyway, what the fuck did you come barging in here for anyway?"

"Oh! Shit, I was all up and so into those mirthful makeouts that I almost got my motherfucking forgetting on. Honk!"

"Jegus, please stop talking."

"Here," Gamzee said, doing his best to flatten out the flyer that had been smooshed against Karkat's hip. "I found this bitchtits motherfucker stuck to a pole. Looks like a wicked harshwhimsy of a time."

The Capricorn watched anxiously as the nubby horned troll looked over the paper, raising his eyebrow in confusion. It was just too motherfucking cute when Karkat did that eyebrow-thinking hard shit; just another miracle about his bro.

"Gamzee?" Karkat finally asked.

"Honk?"

"... What the fuck is a 'carnival'?"


	31. C4RN1V4L

**A/N: ... I really have no very good excuse for why this took so fucking long to get out ._.' Yeah, it's kind of longer than the others, but that's really not what took so long. I'm not sure why, but I had a really hard time writing this chapter. My sincerest apologies, I'll try not to let it happen again. **

**In other news, I have some quick semi-important notes:  
- LOHAT is now posted on Ao3 as well  
- Someone pointed out that Gamzee's blood color is purple, not indigo. I've been doing it wrong up until this point, I le fail. I'm also too lazy to go back and correct it in every single chapter already posted here so it'll just be different going forward. It's corrected through all the chapters on Ao3 due to the promptness in which that was pointed out in relation to my mega-uploading everything, but just a note for going forward.**

**You readers are awesome, once more you have all of my sorrys for this taking so long. Enjoy Chapter 31.**

C4RN1V4L

A warm, bright mixture colors washed over the excitable group of friends as they stood in line at the ticket stand. Just beyond there was the carnival churning out a strange yet enjoyable combination of each ride's particular musical style. Some went modern with popular, upbeat tunes often heard on the radio, while others stuck with more traditional, wordless calliope style music. With so many choices between the colorful lights and blending sounds of rides, patrons and music, everyone's attention seemed to be pulled towards something different.

"Wow, I've never smelled so many colors in one place!" Terezi giggled, her neck craned back to get a good whiff of everything.

"Yeah yeah, real fucking pretty, now if we could just-" Karkat grumbled.

"That one goes upside down! Dave, we have to go on it," John said, pointing to one of the rides.

"Yeah we do," the Knight answered. "Right after we get some funnel cake. That shit's the best, first to puke loses."

"You're on!"

"What the fuck? No, that's the shittiest fucking idea you two have ever-"

"Kanaya look! I think you can win fish from that game." Jade said.

"I do believe I'd be more interested in seeing the 'amazing two headed troll'," the Virgo answered, reading off one of the signs.

"Jegus fuck, are any of you idiots listening to me?"

"Those things are always some sort of fake, it's probably safe to assume that one is too," Rose piped in. "Now that fun-house maze, on the other hand, could prove to be quite the comedic challenge."

"Hey! All of you shut the fuck up for two gogdamn seconds!" Karkat yelled, cutting through the noise of the carnival with some effort. "This may be happy fuckass fun rumpus time, but we need to have order! We can't just all fucking abscond off in different directions like a group of dumbfuck wigglers. What we need to do is come up with some sort of plan. That way all of us will be able to-"

"Next!" the lady sitting at the ticket stand called.

Karkat's captive audience quickly lost interest in his rant, and they rushed past him to cluster around the ticket stand to receive their wristbands for the carnival. Growling with frustration, Karkat crossed his arms and glared at the other six. Before he could begin a fresh round of yelling, though, a gentle hand rested on his shoulder.

"Shit, just get your motherfucking chill on Karbro," Gamzee said, staring in a sort of trance at the attractions beyond the ticket stand. "Nothing but motherfucking mirth and miracles now."

"Ugh. Whatever, I guess I don't really give a fuck anyway... It's just as well; apparently any other option for idiots to hang out with here have all just ditched us after getting their wristbands."

"Honk!"

The Cancer adjusted the dark green scarf he was wearing, shooting a quick glare to Gamzee as he did so. The stupid scarf was so fucking uncomfortable, but he'd be damned if he was about to have anyone see the psycho clown's little 'mark' on him.

"Come on fuckass," Karkat said, leaving the scarf alone and stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. "Let's get our wristbands and do the stupid carnival thing."

* * *

"Okay, this is pretty fucking creepy," Dave said to the nine Terezi reflections surrounding him. "How the hell is it reflecting that many of you, but none of me? I'm standing like, right in front of them. What's with this crazy mirror witchcraft?"

"Heheh, are you nervous coolkid? I can smell it on you like the cherry licorice blood under your skin," the blind troll's voice echoed around him. "Any of these could be me; I could jump out at any moment and attack if I really wanted."

"Yeah, and I could do some sort of fucking acrobatic pirouette off all these mirrors and they'd rain into a thousand little shards of Terezi. That's some billion of years of bad luck yo."

"For you or me?"

"Tons of bad luck for both of us, but I'm generous. You can have all of the shitty luck, and I'll just have to be your only source of good luck forever, that's all. No biggie though, just keep your weird troll penis in check and I can dig it."

"You can't keep an eye on all of us at once Dave. That sassy ass will be mine."

The Knight turned some to look into the only opening in the mirrors, and he couldn't help but smirk as he saw the Libra facing a different mirror off to the side. He didn't really get how the troll could be turned towards a mirror facing away from him and also be reflected in mirrors around him, but he didn't care to think on it all that much. Clearing his throat to catch Terezi's attention, Dave raised an eyebrow to his girlfriend as she turned to face him.

"... Well that's not very fun," the Libra giggled, hurrying over to him and practically latching onto his arm. "Now what?"

"This mirror shit's old. Let's go play some rigged carnival games."

"Calling them rigged won't make it any less embarrassing when you lose."

"What? No way man. I could win enough shitty carnival plush to cover every damn inch of your Rainbow Brite, technicolor room."

"Is that a promise?"

"Try a challenge; unless you're too intimidated by my awesomeness."

"Heheh! You're on, coolkid."

The blind troll laced her fingers in between Dave's own, and she began pulling him towards one of the many lit up games. It appeared to be one of the more simple games; throw a ball and knock down the precariously stacked bottles. The sign boasted that everyone was guaranteed to win, and as added temptation the larger, more colorful prizes were strung out front. Lining up next to each other in front of two different stacks of bottles, Dave and Terezi paid for the game and waited for their balls. As the Knight was winding his arm back for the first throw, though, the blind troll suddenly stopped him.

"Wait, let's make this more interesting," she snickered.

"Oh? What did you have in mind?"

"Points will be measured in number and size of stuffed animals, and the winner will be the one with the most points."

"... Yeah, alright sounds good," Dave answered with a slight nod. "What's the winner get?"

"Whatever they want," Terezi said, wriggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Unless their too much of a sissy grub and wuss out."

Dave thought this over for a few moments,weighing the possible options in his mind. On the one hand, being able to make his sexy troll girlfriend do whatever the fuck he wanted her to do sounded too damn perfect to pass up. However, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know exactly what Terezi would want if she won, and he wasn't quite sure he'd be up to that. Then again, a Strider never backs down from a challenge, right?

"Still waiting on that answer, coolkid," Terezi teased, poking him with her cane. "What do you say?"

Eh, what the hell?

Not like he was going to lose anyway.

"Deal. Let's do this."

* * *

Kanaya walked along with her overly priced bottle of water, sparing the briefest of glances behind her to the disappointing attraction she and Jade had just come from. As unsurprised as she was to admit it, Rose had been correct once more when she had assumed the 'amazing two headed troll' was in actuality merely a hoax for the gullible. The attraction had been neither amazing nor two headed; just a silly looking troll with a poorly crafted plush head sew on his shoulder.

The rainbow drinker rolled her eyes, still not believing her own gullibility; she'd even been warned and still fallen for it! Either way, it was now time to move on to what would hopefully be a much more impressive carnival.

"Where exactly are we heading to, again?" she asked.

"The bumper cars!" Jade said excitedly, taking a bite out of her fluffy, blue cotton candy. "We sit in little car shaped things and smash into each other. It's fun!"

"I... Am not quite sure I understand how that could be construed as fun."

"You'll see, it's kind of hard to explain," the human answered, finishing off the cotton candy and pitching the stick in a nearby trash can. "Come on! Let's get in line."

Kanaya wasn't too sure about just how much fun there was to be had in such a silly sounding activity, however why even go to a human carnival if it wasn't to experience new things? Sure, she had maybe sort of been hoping to experience these things with the other human girl, but maybe spending more time with Jade would present a way to get back into Rose's good graces?

A troll could try.

The two began to walk up the shoddy looking metal ramp that lead to the entrance, taking their places in line. About halfway to there, though, a familiar voice called out to them from further ahead.

"Jade? Kanaya? Hey! We were just about to get on this ride too! Oh man, we should so totally all go together. It'd be such a sweet time!"

The Virgo's face quirked in confusion, and she looked up to see John waving them over to stand with him and Rose. A frantic worry gripped the rainbow drinker's vascular pump, and she felt certain it would burst forth from her chest. What should she do? Rose obviously wouldn't want to be near her, much less participate in the same attraction together. Kanaya looked to Jade for support, or even just an answer for what they should do, but the Witch was already hurrying over to their other friends. There was always the option to abscond, but with the three already together and people following behind her to line up, that would likely prove to be an awkward, futile endeavor.

Seeing no other way out of the situation, the Virgo took a deep breath and then joined the other three. As soon as she caught up to them she anticipated a sort of hesitation or anxiety, however she was pleasantly surprised to find that the lighthearted, enjoyable conversation continued on despite her presence. While this was a welcome anomaly, Kanaya kept her eye contact away from Rose as they exchanged stories of how the carnival had been so far.

"And then Dave said he could do all these sick tricks inside of the gravity spinning ride thing," John rambled on excitedly. "So I definitely had to see that, but oh man it made me so dizzy after! I really didn't think I'd be able to stomach anymore of this super delicious carnival food."

"Oh! Have you had any of the funnel cake yet?" Jade asked, moving along with the group as the line shifted. "It's so tasty! It has just the right amount of sugar on it."

"The funnel cakes can't be nearly as good as the candied apples look, though," Rose said with a smirk. "I'd like to try one before the night is out."

"All this talk of food has made me hungry now," John said. "After this ride, we should totally get something to eat!"

"Something to eat... Again?" Rose teased, poking the slight pudge of John's belly.

"Come on Rose! I only had a little bit of popcorn to go with that pizza..."

"Ooh! I think I'll get some ice cream myself," Jade said, clasping her hands together happily. "The vanilla kind with the chocolate coating on it!"

Kanaya looked past the group, the corner of her lip quirking up some as she quietly noted they'd be in the next group to ride the bumper cars. Deciding that it would probably be in her best interest to try and understand the concept of this attraction, the Virgo took to observing the current round of carnival-goers as they drove about in their colorful little bumper cars. The riders appeared to control their cars with a wheel of sorts with the sole intent to smash into the other drivers. Kanaya couldn't help but flinch the first time two of them hit each other just on the other side of the gate, but all and all the bumper cars looked to be harmless enough.

In no time, the cars were slowing to a stop and the man running the ride was announcing over the intercom instructions on how to properly exit the bumper cars. Shortly after, another of the ride's workers opened the gate to allow the next group in and Kanaya couldn't help but feel a bit excited to try out this strange attraction. The other three rushed out to whichever bumper car must have caught their eye, but the one that had caught her interest, a shiny green one, had been left very near the bumper car entrance. Slipping into the driver's seat, she was a bit confused when she felt a strange, flat sort of button where her feet were. She tried to peer down at the button, but was unable to see it with her long red skirt getting in the way.

What could this peculiar, foot-button do?

Feeling the matter warranted further investigation, the rainbow drinker took to stepping on and off the button, watching different parts of the bumper car for any sort of change. However, nothing seemed to change much at all; there was no lit up sections, no further movement from the car, nothing.

That was, until a bell rang and brought the bumper cars to life.

Kanaya jumped some in her seat, clutching onto the steering wheel for dear life as her car suddenly lurched forward, and she immediately took her foot off the button. She gave a quick look over the car that was, once more, inert and it didn't take long for her to put two and two together. Apparently, the strange foot button was what propelled the cars to move about. It was really quite foolish of her, she decided, not to have picked up on such a simple concept earlier. Still, she thought it was a bit silly that the humans hadn't yet invented technology that could move without such tiresome button pushing.

Hesitantly, but with much less confusion, Kanaya gently stepped on the button and gave the car a triumphant smirk as it obediently began to move forward. It didn't appear to be moving as fast as the other cars were, but with a bit of experimentation the Virgo figured out that the amount of pressure applied to the button caused the bumper car to move at different speeds. Now she just needed to figure out the steering mechanism and she'd be all set to-

The Virgo's thoughts were interrupted as another car suddenly slammed into hers, causing her car to fly backwards and into one of the side walls. She couldn't help the slight yelp she made at the sudden, unexpected attack, and she quickly looked around both to try and catch her assailant as well as to assess whether or not anyone had heard that embarrassing noise she'd made. While the attacker had long since driven off, Kanaya's jade and yellow eyes did catch the snarky tittering of one Rose Lalonde who must have been watching her adventures with the bumper car. Raising a challenging eyebrow to the human, the troll awkwardly turned the bumper car's wheel towards her and was pleasantly encouraged when the contraption began to move towards Rose as she had wanted it to. Seeing the glowing troll now speeding towards her, the Seer ineffectively tried to abscond. Kanaya successfully smashed into the end bit of Rose's car and then made for a hasty retreat herself.

With that, the game of cat and mouse had begun; back and forth across the sleek floor of the bumper car ride they drove after each other. Stopping neither to rest nor abscond, the two only ceased once their cars began to slow, signaling the end of their time. As her car finally stopped completely, Kanaya looked back over her shoulder to the human who had last been chasing her. A polite smile was her only reward before Rose turned away to exit her bumper car.

It wasn't exactly a life changing breakthrough to bridge the rift between them, but Kanaya would take it.

Scooting out of her own car, the rainbow drinker made her way over to the humans who were waiting just outside the ride's exits, chattering excitedly about who'd hit who the most times.

"Oh man, that was so totally sweet. I so got you Jade! Admit it!" John beamed.

"Don't forget that I hit you too!" Jade answered, giggling happily. "And Rose once or twice."

"Seriously? I couldn't get anywhere near her! She kept speeding away."

"Well, I was more often then not fleeing for my life from a certain glowing person who shall remain nameless," Rose said with a coy grin.

"Can it truly be considered nameless when I'm the only one who's luminosity resembles that of a human flashlight?" Kanaya teased, returning her grin.

"Okay, let's just all agree that we're all equally awesome and rad when it comes to bumper cars," John said, eyes already looking towards one of the snack stands. "Are we still going to get food? I'm hungry!"

"Yes, I've still got my thoughts set on that candied apple," Rose said. "Shall we?"

The group of four made their way over to the snack stand and promptly took their place in line. Kanaya did her best to glance past the people standing in front of them, though she doubted the menu would have any snacks targeted towards rainbow drinkers. She'd likely have to settle for some bland, less exciting human or troll food. It was awfully hard to see the menu, however, as two or three fairly large trolls were blocking her view. Out of habit, the Virgo carefully moved some to verify that none of the trolls wore face makeup or had purple eyes. Seeing only the plain, indigo hues most reminiscent of her deceased, sweaty friend, Kanaya resumed her former spot closer in the line.

She'd been seeing a lot of large, indigo blooded trolls around the city lately; a fact that was making her more and more nervous as the days progressed. The rainbow drinker still wasn't fully convinced as to whether or not these trolls were truly indigo blooded or just subjugglators in disguise, but without proof the best she could do was keep an eye out and hope for the best. Besides, none of the strange trolls were anywhere near the height of most the purple blooded trolls she'd seen near the brooding caverns. In fact, most weren't even as tall as Gamzee was, and he wasn't even fully grown.

Maybe adult indigo blooded trolls _did _get that big.

"Hey nerds," came the nonchalant voice of Dave, successfully distracting Kanaya from her previous thoughts.

The Knight walked up to them with his blind matesprit, and the two of them appeared to be quite enjoying themselves; if the armfuls of ridiculous looking stuffed animals were any gauge.

"Yeah right! The only nerd here is you," John laughed, fist bumping his friend.

"Can't I be a nerd too?" Terezi cackled. "What, blind girls can't be nerds now? That's pretty fucking rude."

"Oh, wait, man I didn't mean that!"

"Too late bro, you offended my alien babe," Dave said with a shrug. "She's going to have to like, lay eggs in your food now."

"... Trolls do that?"

"No trolls don't do that! Try to get out of your culturally oblivious bubble John," Terezi said, pointed teeth stretched into her classic grin. "Kanaya, why haven't you been metaphorically talking the human's ear off about our species, isn't that your thing?"

"While I can't say that I have a particular aversion to the idea," the Virgo answered. "I'm afraid the matter hasn't particularly come up. Since it has now, though, the answer is no; trolls themselves don't lay eggs. However, the Mother Grub does."

"Um... Mother what now?"

"Okay yeah, no more blabbing about weird ass troll shit," Dave cut in. "Yo, Egbert, there's this hot dog eating contest that's going to be happening in like, ten minutes. You in?"

"Oh yeah! That's such an awesome idea. You guys don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all!" Jade said. "Just don't get sick."

"Yes, try not to become sick from stuffing all of those wieners in your face, John," Rose said with a sarcastic smile.

"... Wow, I'd definitely be burned and a whole lot less excited if it weren't for the fact that hot dogs rule!" John replied, stepping out of line. "Come on, let's go!"

The three then hurried off, and it didn't take long for them to disappear into the crowd of carnival goers. Soon their remaining group had made it to the front of the line where Kanaya had decided upon a simple, chocolate ice cream.

It wasn't the greatest dessert in the world, but it would have to do.

Taking up one of the nearby empty tables, Jade and Rose sat next to each other and the rainbow drinker sat across from them. Deciding to start at the bottom of the cone to try and prevent runny ice cream dripping between her fingers, Kanaya quietly set to work on the frozen treat. Rose had, of course, gotten the candied apple she'd been talking about, and Jade had purchased her chocolate coated vanilla ice cream. The three ate in silence for only a few minutes, and were soon joking and laughing as they had been previously.

"It's true! She taunts me with that smug little look she has," Jade said, taking a bite of her ice cream.

"I wasn't aware cats could have 'a look'," Rose commented, making Kanaya fight back a laugh. "We'll have to tell Gamzee to speak with her on the matter."

"Where do you guys think he is anyway? I haven't seen him or Karkat since we got here."

"Well if I were to take a guess, based solely on their previous habits," Kanaya said, taking a quick lick of a rogue ice cream dribble. "I'd say Karkat is likely yelling at some poor, hapless carnival worker while Gamzee is staring at something colorful whilst perhaps mumbling about miracles."

"That sounds about right," Rose affirmed. "Oh, Jade you have a little ice cream on your face."

"I do? Where?" the Witch asked, trying her best to lick at the farthest corners of her mouth. "Did I get it?"

"No, not quite. There's some on your nose too," Kanaya said with a smirk. "Dear, you might just want to borrow the bathroom for a few minutes."

"Good idea. I'll be right back, okay?"

Jade finished off the last of her ice cream quickly in one big bite before getting up and wandering off towards the bathroom. Once she was gone, though, Kanaya realized that she was now completely left alone with Rose. It certainly hadn't been what she had intended by any stretch, and she felt a slight twist in her nutrition sack as she took a small bite from her ice cream cone. Did the human realize they were now alone? Was she going to say anything? Goodness, this was terribly awkward. She should say something but... What could she say?

Daring a glance upwards to the human, Kanaya quickly looked back down again as their eyes made contact. Apparently, Rose had decided to look at her at the same time; were things ever going to stop being strained between them? The Virgo quietly worked on her ice cream cone, wondering how long it would take Jade to return. While Kanaya concluded that things had been going rather acceptably between she and Rose at this carnival, they were nowhere near at a point where they'd be able to just relax and enjoy each others company once more.

"So... Is it everything you were hoping for?" Rose said suddenly. "The brooding caverns, I mean."

"Oh," Kanaya said, looking back up with a bit of confusion. "Yes, it's quite enjoyable. There are the... Less than pleasant duties, but for the most part it is living up to my expectations."

The rainbow drinker shifted some in her seat, now done with her ice cream and having nothing to keep her mind off of how awkward she felt. Just how long was Jade going to spend in the bathroom anyway? Perhaps she should just try to keep conversation going until the human returned?

"How is human 'college'?" Kanaya asked, giving Rose a half-hearted grin. "Jade tells me you've all been taking classes there, is that true?"

"It's been very enjoyable, for me at least," the Seer answered, setting down her finished, candied apple stick. "But it's not just for humans. There are quite a few trolls enrolled there as well; Terezi, Gamzee and Karkat included."

"Really?" Kanaya said, genuine surprise in her voice. "I can't honestly say I'm not all that shocked to hear that Terezi followed her matesprit in this endeavor, but it is quite the news to me that Karkat and Gamzee decided to attend this 'college' as well."

"Yeah, we were all a bit surprised too. To be frank, I believe Terezi might have had something to do with that."

"... Why yes, that does make perfect sense, doesn't it?"

Kanaya giggled some, imagining the Libra using her wit to talk Karkat into signing up; it was quite the funny mental picture. The Virgo certainly had missed everyone... Especially Rose. Based on how much the human avoided her, though, Kanaya concluded that the Seer probably didn't feel the same.

"I'm not sure how much or little this may mean," Rose said after a bit of silence. "But... I've missed you."

Or maybe she did?

"I believe that I may have... Overreacted to your departure," the Seer went on, now looking down at the table. "Is there any possibility that maybe... We could try to be friends again?"

A wide grin accented by two sharp fangs spread across Kanaya's face, and she nodded before the words could find her.

"W-why yes," she said finally, stumbling a bit on her words. "Yes, I would like that very much."

Rose returned the eager response with a soft, polite smile; maybe things would never be the way they were before between the two of them, but at least they could begin to close this rift. It wasn't exactly what Kanaya had initially been hoping for, but it was a start.

"I'm back! Sorry about that, there was kind of a line," Jade said, returning to the table. "So, what should we go on next?"

"Hmm... Well, while this may sound a bit tasteless," Rose said with a smirk. "It _would_ be pretty funny to watch John and Dave try to eat all those hot dogs. Don't you think, Kanaya?"

"Indeed," the Virgo replied. "I couldn't agree more."

* * *

Fuck.

Fuck spinning, fuck rides, fuck carnivals.

It was one of Gamzee's stupid fucking miracles that he'd even survived that.

Karkat carefully walked down the metal ramp that lead from the ride he'd been made to suffer through, latched onto Gamzee's arm like some sort of wiggler to its lusus. Everyone else could just go fuck themselves; that was the most terrifying, horrible ride in the history of ever.

"Shit, that was all kinds of motherfucking wicked mirth," Gamzee said, his long strides surprisingly unhindered by Karkat's clinging. "Want to go again, best friend?"

Was he fucking serious?

"Are you fucking serious?" the nubby horned troll yelled, now releasing his moirail-secret-matesprit-it's-complicated-shut-the-fuck-up. "No! No I don't want to fucking go again. Never again! All of the nevers in this shitty universe. You must have been sneaking that soporific sludge you used to regard so fondly because that's the only way you could have fucking enjoyed that!"

"Honk!"

"Jegus... Next ride we go on has to be less psychotically ridiculous, okay?" Karkat insisted. "Something that isn't going to threaten my alive-ness."

"Karbro, you know I'd never all up and let anything hurt you," the Capricorn responded, reaching for Karkat's hand. "You're my motherfucking miracle... Do you really have to keep that green bro that's getting its cling on with your neck?"

"Shh, shut up. The scarf is staying, and maybe I wouldn't fucking need it if it wasn't for some hormone addled fuckass who worships clowns. Anyway, you might trust these death traps but I don't," the shorter troll snapped, pulling his hand further away from Gamzee's. "And stop with the fucking hand holding; it's not happening."

"You sure do get your motherfucking spook on easy. Alright bro, we can go on a nice, easy ride."

The taller troll stopped grabbing for Karkat's hand, now turning his attention to the rest of the carnival's set up. Following Gamzee's line of sight, the shorter troll took to locating another ride for them to go on as well. They'd already eaten and he wasn't about to waste his boondollars on those bullshit carnival games, but he didn't think his nutrition sack could take anymore thrashing about. There had to be something here that wasn't completely insane.

"How about that motherfucking miracle?"

Karkat looked over to see what Gamzee was pointing at and a light blush rose to his cheeks as his eyes stopped on a pink and red sort of boat ride boasting the words 'Tunnel of Love' on its sign. Of course; of all of the rides in this shitty excuse for human entertainment the fuckass would pick up on that one.

"Gamzee, no. We're not going on that one."

"Aww, why not bro?" the Capricorn said, walking closer to the ride. "It looks like a nice and chill motherfucker. It'd be real easy on a mirthful bro's nutrition sack."

"While that's fan-fucking-tastic, that's kind of completely missing the point. I mean," the nubby horned troll lowered his voice some, leaning a bit closer to keep others from overhearing. "What if someone saw? Besides, I don't even think we really feel... _that._"

"Feel that?" Gamzee asked, tilting his head some. "I don't got my think pan wrapped around what you mean, best friend."

"Jegus, don't make me spell it out..."

"Honk?"

"Come on Gamzee! Tunnel of Love. _Love_. It's not meant for trolls!"

"... I'm feeling pretty motherfucking confused Karbro," the taller troll said, scratching the back of his head. "Trolls aren't allowed to get their wicked boat riding on?"

"What? No, it has nothing to do with the boats fuckass," Karkat grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "It's... Fucking hell. Love Gamzee! Trolls don't feel the human meaning of the word 'love', that's their single quadrant bullshit."

"Single quadrant?"

"Yes, humans don't have four quadrants for their horseshit relationships," the Cancer tried to explain. "They only have one."

"... Well... Which one is it?"

"No, like... It's not just one of them, it's all of them."

Gamzee's face quirked in confusion, and Karkat could tell he already wasn't explaining this very well. It wasn't exactly easy though; human relationships were pretty much stupid and ridiculous anyway, it was no wonder trolls had a hard time understanding them. Now he, a troll who barely understood the concept, was trying to teach the vast stupidity to the troll he was in a fucked up quadrant semi-vacillation with.

Fucking great.

"Look, it's basically that the stupid humans lump all possible feelings they could ever have towards one another into one big cluster fuck of emotions that they call 'love'. When humans have relationships, it's only ever with one person who they 'love'... Jegus, I'm doing such a shitty job explaining this."

"So... One motherfucking quadrant?"

"Yes, just one."

"With one motherfucker in it for all them mirthful feelings? That's human 'love'?"

"Well, yeah if you want to look at it so linearly. Not nearly as complexed and intricate as troll relationships."

"Honk! I think I all up and understand bro," the lanky troll said, smiling that stupid grin of his.

"Great, fucking wonderful. Now let's never talk about it again," Karkat said, turning away from the ride that had spurred such an awkward topic. "No one gives a flying lump of musclebeast shit how humans get their mating fondness on. Pick another ride."

The shorter troll stubbornly crossed his arms, glaring at Gamzee as if to dare him to push the matter further. This was met with the Capricorn chuckling to himself before rustling Karkat's already messy hair. Rolling his eyes and half-assedly patting his hair back into place, the nubby horned troll watched Gamzee impatiently; why the fuck did he keep leaving decisions up to the clown?

"What about that one?" the taller troll said, pointing upwards to an enormous wheel with colorful lights. "It's moving real motherfucking slow."

Karkat thought the suggestion over, watching some of the carnival-goers getting into ride. It seemed pedestrian enough; riders would get in their seats and the wheel would carry them up and then back down, stopping occasionally to let people off and on. It was a little bit high, but that was probably just because they were far away from it.

"I guess," the Cancer conceded, walking towards the ride. "It's good enough, let's go."

The two took up their places in line, slowly moving forward bit by bit as carnival goers ahead of them were let on the ride. The whole waiting in line thing was starting to feel like the majority of Karkat's night; perpetually standing in line with Gamzee and reminding himself to stop thinking so much. It was a night for fun and relaxation, and for the most part things were going quite well; being left on their own, the two were getting to spend some quality time together. In fact, it was almost starting to feel like maybe they were a real, normal couple.

… It was nice.

Before long, they had reached the front of the line where the bored looking human let them on the ride. Gamzee climbed in right away, but Karkat was a bit hesitant; it was a lot more spacious than he would have thought, and there didn't appear to be any restraints to actually keep them in the fucking thing. As he went to point this out, though, Gamzee patted the empty seat next to him and gave Karkat his laziest grin of the night. It was a bit strange feeling to the nubby horned troll how accustomed he'd grown to that big, doofy smile; it really suited Gamzee, he'd decided, and no other smile would quite do him justice.

Wow, that was a really stupid thing to think.

The Cancer shook his head irritably at his own stupid think pan and quickly joined Gamzee on the ride. He kept a good, respectable distance between them, but as soon as the ride pulled away from the platform he felt a long, lanky arm wrap around his shoulders, sliding him back over. A bright blush clashed with his irritable growl as he haphazardly tried to wriggle out of Gamzee's firm hold.

"Gamzee, let go," Karkat mumbled, eyes darting about to scan for onlookers. "Someone might see, knock it off fuckass."

"Bro, there aren't any motherfuckers to all up and be getting their see on," the Capricorn chuckled, leaning down a bit to nuzzle Karkat's hair. "Look around, best motherfucking friend; no brothers can get their peep going up here."

After a few moments, curiosity got the better of the nubby horned troll and he took to surveying his surroundings for any hint of eyes; human, troll or otherwise. Just as Gamzee had said, though, there was nothing but the night sky around them and the ceiling of the ride above them. Still, they weren't that high up; maybe they could be seen from the ground. With a bit of effort, Karkat squirmed out of Gamzee's arm and moved over to one side of the ride to look down.

He instantly wished he hadn't.

"Jegus fucking hell!" Karkat yelled, practically jumping away from the side and making their seats rock at the sudden movement. "What the fuck? We're so... Fuck! The ground! Gamzee, why the fuck are we up so high? Oh gog, we're going to die. Oh gog, oh hell, oh fuck."

"Bro, bro, just take a deep breath," Gamzee said, holding his hands up as if to try and calm Karkat. "Just try to sit still and-"

"Fuck you! No, I have to get off this thing," Karkat snapped. "How do you stop this? Is there a button? Why the fuck is it moving like this? Oh gog, it's going to break and we're going to fucking die!"

"Karbro, it's not-"

As Karkat shifted his weight to try and move closer to the middle, the ride shifted again causing him to lose his footing. The Cancer all but screamed as he suddenly fell backwards, landing flat on his ass as he did so. Turning to grab onto the nearest thing he could reach, the nubby horned troll's claws dug into the seats, leaving ten superficial grooves. His eyes shut tightly and he buried his face into his arms, bracing himself for the end that was inevitably going to come.

"We're going to die," he insisted.

A gentle hand slid onto Karkat's back, rubbing him in the sort of conciliatory gesture that only could have come from Gamzee. While it was somewhat relaxing to the short, terrified troll clinging to his seat for dear life, it wasn't nearly enough to coax him out of his fetal position.

"Shh," the Capricorn shooshed, papping Karkat's back. "It'll all be motherfucking good. Just relax; you're missing some crazy harshwhimsy of a view bro."

"I don't want to see the view! How the hell could you want to? We're way too fucking high up."

"Shit, we aren't even at the motherfucking top yet bro."

"What?"

Karkat lifted his head up from his arms, staring up in a panic as he realized the ride was still climbing. His face paled and he swallowed hard as he was guided back into his position next to Gamzee. Oh well; he'd lead a short, shitty life but it was bound to end sometime. Goodbye cruel, twisted paradox space; to think he was going to go from some shitty human carnival ride.

Suddenly, the Tunnel of Love didn't sound so horrible.

"It'll be okay best motherfucking friend," Gamzee said, arms wrapping around Karkat. "Look, the human moon is all big and bright; like a giant motherfucking night sun... All shining and shit."

"No, fuck you, I don't care how big or shiny the moon is. This is fucking terrifying."

"Aw, come on Karbro."

"Fuck off!"

The Cancer could feel his vascular pump racing as he gawked at the bright, white circle illuminating the night sky. It was kind of, sort of okay looking but it wasn't going to exactly save their fucking lives or anything. Gamzee's arms tightened around him some, making him feel a bit more secure but no less terrified of falling to his death.

Now he'd just have a cushiony clown fuckass to buy him a nanosecond more of life.

They were almost at the highest point, though, and if he could survive that long then he just had to make it on the painfully slow journey back to the ground. He'd abscond the fuck off this ride so fast it would make the operator's head spin. Just a little bit further and they'd be past the peak; he just had to not plummet to his death until that point. Absentmindedly holding his breath, the troll braced himself for his impending doom as their seats reached the summit.

And then the ride stopped.

"Oh gog, this is it!" Karkat yelled, tensing in his seat. "It's going to drop and fucking kill us both!"

"Bro-"

"Jegus, to think of all the ways I could have been killed. Why? Why didn't I go on the shitty human love ride instead!"

"Karkat, we're not-"

"We're done for! We're fucking done for. The end, game over, that's all she fucking wrote!"

The Cancer opened his mouth to begin a fresh rant, but before he could utter another word a pair of warm, gentle lips pressed against his own. Karkat froze, more out of surprise than anything, a blush coloring his cheeks once more as Gamzee broke the kiss.

"It's going to be all motherfucking okay best friend," the Capricorn said, running his fingers soothingly through Karkat's hair. "Just relax and enjoy the moment. We're all alone up here motherfucker, so we should partake in the mirth of the sloppiest of makeouts."

The nubby horned troll looked away, now feeling his usual mixture of awkward and embarrassed; it figured, they were going to die and Gamzee wanted to makeout. Stupid fuckass clown. Still... He did kind of have a point. From this high up there wouldn't be any eyes close enough to see them. Besides that, it would be kind of sweet and... Nice. Hell, it was almost like one of those scenes from his romcom; how the flying fuck could he pass that up?

"How about them motherfucking kisses?" the taller troll asked, gently turning Karkat's chin so that he was once more looking at him.

Unsure of whether or not his face could redden any further, the nubby horned troll closed his eyes and gave a quick, slight nod of his head. If nothing else, it would be a nice distraction from being up so ridiculously high on an unstable human carnival contraption.

The warmth of Gamzee's lips met his own once more, and Karkat did his best to relax into the still somewhat unfamiliar sensation. They exchanged several soft, shallow kisses; each one slowly melting away the Cancer's defenses. Gamzee's lips were interestingly smooth; Karkat never saw him using any form of balm to keep them that way, but they always were. The Capricorn's one hand continued to tangle lazy circles in his hair while the other kept it's firm but gentle hold around the nubby horned troll's waist. Realizing that his own arms were just awkwardly resting at his side, Karkat tentatively wrapped them around Gamzee, pulling him even closer.

The Cancer could feel the wet tip of the taller troll's tongue as it licked at the seam where his lips met, as if asking permission to deepen their kisses. After a bit of hesitation, the shorter troll obliged with a slight part to allow Gamzee's slick appendage to slip inside. Karkat was unable to stop the slight whimper that squeaked out as the Capricorn's tongue captured his, tugging and sliding both with and against it. For some reason, Gamzee seemed to be quite adept at this; or maybe he was just pathetically terrible at it. Gog, what if he was the only one enjoying this? Was he doing it wrong?

And why the fuck was he wearing a scarf?

Karkat's head began to feel dizzy from the sweet kisses, his previously comfortable body temperature now felt as if it was trying to cook him alive. However, despite how suffocatingly warm he now felt, he couldn't bring himself to break the moment; for once they were both acting like proper fucking matesprits and he wasn't about to fuck that up. Fortunately, Karkat didn't have to deal with the overabundance of warmth for long as Gamzee freed his hand from the messy black tangle of hair to loosen and then slide down his scarf. The nubby horned troll still felt a bit tepid, but the scarf's removal had definitely taken a majority of the warmth with it.

Such an act wasn't purely out of dumb fucking luck, of course, and the taller troll broke their kisses to move down to the familiar stretch of Karkat's neck. Gamzee's lips trailed lazily from the bottom of his neck to the juncture where the jawline met, occasionally leaving a lick here or there. As much as Karkat would never for the sake of all that was decent and sane admit it, he was finding that he really enjoyed having his neck kissed. Maybe it was just how Gamzee did it; the way he'd apply just the right amount of pressure to just the right spots made Karkat feel as if he could melt. At once, though, a much sharper pinch of pressure squeezed at the middle of the shorter troll's neck, and he reflexively gasped from the sensation.

Did...

Did Gamzee just bite him?

"G-Gamzee!" he scolded, trying to maintain the facade that that hadn't felt as good as it had. "Don't... Don't do that fuckass."

"Shit, you know you motherfucking like it Karbro," the Capricorn said, a bit of a husky growl to his voice.

While Gamzee was right, that didn't excuse the fact that that growl made Karkat nervous; more than that, the taller troll then proceeded to give him another, slightly rougher nip. The nubby horned troll had to remember who he was dealing with here; Gamzee was sober and by no means stable, this could very easily get out of hand if he wasn't careful. Then again, maybe it wouldn't hurt to just relax and enjoy how fucking nice this felt... Just once.

This idea immediately was discarded, however, as the Capricorn suddenly climbed on top of him, pinning him down to their seats. There wasn't any time for fear to replace the arousal of the situation before Gamzee clashed their lips together once more, forcing his tongue into the smaller troll's mouth. Karkat let out a sort of stifled moan, trying to get a hold of his stupid fucking hormones long enough to make the Capricorn stop. It wasn't exactly easy to get a word in edgewise, though, with his moirail-sprit's tongue in his mouth.

He'd have to fight back.

Hooking his claws into Gamzee's shirt for support, the nubby horned troll leaned his head up some, forcing his way past the writhing muscle invading his mouth and the sharp rows of the taller troll's teeth. Giving his own sort of grunt in response, the Capricorn only seemed to be further encouraged by this reaction but languidly slipped his tongue out of the Cancer's mouth. Karkat continued to push back, trying to gain just enough dominance to end things before they went too far. This endeavor was ended suddenly when the ride suddenly lurched forward again, causing the nubby horned troll to instinctively bite down, catching his own tongue in the process.

"Jegus fuck!" Karkat snarled, recoiling his hands to his mouth. "Fuck! Fuck gogdamn it!"

"Honk?" Gamzee asked, blinking in a bit of a confused stupor.

"No! Shut the fuck up! Ow, fuck," the nubby horned troll whined, shoving Gamzee off of him and sitting up.

Sticking his tongue out to try and see if it was bleeding, Karkat suckled on it a bit before concluding that he hadn't broken the skin. It still hurt like hell, but the short troll couldn't really say he was upset that the ride had interrupted them.

"Aw, is your licking muscle feeling all up and sore bro?" Gamzee chuckled, trying to move closer to the Cancer.

"Fuck off. No kisses. No more kissing ever," Karkat protested, wrapping his scarf back around his neck and crossing his arms defensively. "This ride is fucking horrible, let's get off."

"Honk!"

As soon as their seats were within earshot of the platform, Karkat yelled and cursed at the operator until the ride had been stopped to let he and Gamzee off. Like hell he'd go for another round on the insane giant human circle of death. The Cancer took a quick look at his cell phone as he climbed out of his seat, noting with little surprise that it was almost time for the carnival to close. He'd just send a quick text message out to the others and then they could all head back to the apartment-stem.

- - You sent - -

HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THOSE OTHER DUMBFUCKS ARE?  
IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THIS SHITTY EXCUSE FOR WIGGLER BRAINED ENTERTAINMENT.  
IS EVERYONE READY TO LEAVE?

- - Today 1:47am - -

There was a bit of a delay then as Karkat waited on what was undoubtedly a lengthy, unnecessarily in depth answer from Kanaya. Surely enough, a few minutes later the book version of a reply message came through on his cell.

- - Kanaya sent - -

This Is Most Auspicious Timing Indeed  
Jade Rose And I Have Just Rejoined John Dave And Terezi  
John Was Not Feeling So Well After Participating In What The Humans Called A Hot Dog Eating Contest  
As It Turns Out They Are Not Actually Eating Cooked Barkbeasts  
Also Rose Has Forgiven Me For My Unexpected Departure And We Spent Quite A Lot Of Time Together  
But Yes We Are All Here And Fairly Ready To Leave  
Did You And Gamzee Have Fun Together?

- - Today 1:53am - -

Karkat glanced over his shoulder up at the tall clown trailing about half a step behind his side, appearing to be sizing up the heights of different trolls. The Cancer rolled his eyes, wondering just what the fuck could be so fascinating about the other carnival goers. He could probably fill up an entire shitty book that nobody cared about with questions over what went on in Gamzee's head.

It was probably just best not to think about it too much.

The Capricorn was strange, but there was definitely never a dull moment.

- - You sent - -

YEAH.  
YEAH, I GUESS I FUCKING DID.  
DAMN IT, HE WAS RIGHT... THIS WAS KIND OF FUN.  
DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT, THOUGH.

- - Today 1:55am - -


	32. hand holding HARSHWHIMSY

hand holding HARSHWHIMSY

After what seemed like sweeps of waiting for a victor to emerge, Her Imperious Condescension took the throne after a bloody battle to the death with her ancestor. Several important regime changes took place including the initiation of the mutual ceasefire between the land-dwelling and sea-dwelling trolls. Along with this ceasefire came the complexed and often confusing alliance between the purple blooded subjugglators and the sea-dwellers. The alliance was both a welcome and worrisome deviation from the norm to trolls lower on the blood caste; the highbloods were now under some form of perceived control, but the alliance ultimately appeared to serve as just another means to strengthen the enforcement of laws regarding the hemospectrum. Since then history has shown that-

"Honk," Gamzee said, draping his arms down in a loose hug around Karkat's neck. "What's up, best motherfucking friend?"

Karkat rolled his eyes and half-assedly tried to shrug the taller troll's arms off of him; he didn't have time for these shenanigans, this essay had to be finished before Thursday.

"Not now, Gamzee," the Cancer grumbled. "I still have three thousand words left on this stupid paper."

The Capricorn's arms remained where they were, though, and Karkat could now feel him nuzzling into his hair. Whatever; maybe he could focus through the stupid cuddling thing and finish his paper anyway. Rereading through his last few sentences to regain his train of thought, the short troll was torn from his work once more as he felt the taller troll kissing one of his nubby horns. A wave of pleasure ran over Karkat's nerves, and he tilted his head irritably out of Gamzee's reach.

"I said 'no'," the nubby horned troll said firmly, lifting the Capricorn's arms off of him.

Half-expecting Gamzee to continue with his advances, Karkat waited for a few moments before letting out a sigh; it wasn't that he didn't, well... Enjoy that sort of thing. He just really had to finish this paper and he couldn't afford to let the clown distract him.

"... Look, we'll do something together when I'm done," Karkat said, staring down at the keys of his husktop. "I promise."

The Cancer waited for a response, but his only answer was the door to their respiteblock being opened and then shut. Karkat sighed, scratching his head irritably; gog, he was such a shitty matesprit. Gamzee was always the one initiating things in their weird relationship; cuddling, going out, hell even fucking conversations most of the time. He was always the one putting forth any real fucking effort to make them work, and all Karkat did was bitch and take him for fucking granted. It wasn't that he didn't care, he really did, but conveying that was just kind of... Difficult for him.

Still, that wasn't a very good excuse not to try.

Glaring up at the essay on his screen, the short troll silently vowed to talk to Kanaya about this as soon as he was done with his paper. She was good at this sort of shit; maybe she could help him to figure out something he could do for Gamzee.

* * *

"Mm, that smells really good," Terezi said, leaning over the bartop to get a better whiff. "It smells like... Chocolate and those fluffy flat cakes."

The blind troll waited for some smartass remark about how they weren't 'flat cakes' undoubtedly followed by some sort of explanation about how chocolate chip pancakes were the greatest shit ever. After a while of waiting, though, it became apparent that her pouting coolkid wasn't going to be providing one. He was so fucking adorable when he was being all butthurt and pissy like this.

He'd _literally_ be butthurt later.

But that could wait.

It was more fun to let him stew like this, anyway.

"Are they almost done cooking?" she asked. "Try not to get your grub tears in them. I won fair and square, no need to be all pissy."

"What? No tears dude, just making some fucking pancakes."

"Hey, hey Dave," the blind troll pressed on, evil grin on her face. "Can we stop by that sex store up the street? I think they have cherry lube that would be perfect for... Later."

Cackling to herself, the Libra was rewarded with Dave's usual pokerface; at this point in their relationship, though, she knew him a little too well to be fooled by the facade that he didn't show emotion. Over the months, Terezi had discovered that Dave was actually very expressive... Or, at least he smelled that way. Shrugging, the troll sat up in her barstool, cartilage nub twitching and soaking up the delicious mixture of Dave's mood and chocolate chip pancakes.

What a tasty aroma!

"You know," Terezi continued. "Maybe it would help if we eased you into it. We could start out with some-"

The door to Gamzee and Karkat's block opened then, and the bind troll promptly shut her mouth. She could smell Dave's shaded eyes on her, waiting to see if she was going to say something and forfeit their bet. This had been the only, annoying stipulation to Terezi getting to use her bulge during her and Dave's sexy time; no one was allowed to find out, and if they did then the bet was canceled.

It was Terezi's turn to pout, now, as she caught the syrupy scent of Gamzee wandering through; how was she supposed to troll her matesprit if people were interrupting? She opened her mouth as if to engage the taller troll, but rethought as she caught a strange scent in the air.

The smell of... Tension.

It took a few moments for her to place where the smell was coming from, but the Libra eventually figured out that Dave and Gamzee were glaring at each other. A light frown crossed her lips; it wasn't exactly subtle either, you could practically feel the rage in the air. This didn't smell like the black licorice perfume of spades either; this was pure, simple, unadulterated hate.

What was their problem?

The blind troll decided to just keep quiet and smell what would unfold; she wasn't quite sure what to make of Gamzee after his previous episode, so staying out of it would probably be best. One thing was for sure, though, he'd find himself at the wrong end of her cane if he hurt her coolkid. After all, Dave beatings were a right that were set aside exclusively for her.

Fortunately, the overwhelming stench of tension didn't last long as a slightly smoky aroma began to cut through it. It almost smelled as if something might have been burning in the frying pan still sitting on the hot stove.

"Dave," she snickered, pointing over to the direction of the smell. "I don't think pancakes should come in 'well done'."

"Shit!"

Just like that the stare down was broken, and Terezi could smell her matesprit rushing to save the pancakes while Gamzee exited the apartment-stem. Maybe it was a good thing that a distraction had come along; things had been smelling pretty intense.

"What was that all about?" the Libra asked as a plate of partially burnt chocolate chip pancakes were set between the two of them. "Mm, crispy."

"Man, syrup fixes everything. Don't hate," Dave said, practically drowning the pancakes in the sugary tree sap and picking up his own fork. "I don't know, juggalo-asshole has some kind of beef with me. Whatever, like I give a shit."

Terezi frowned some, taking a bite from the half-burnt concoction; Dave didn't seem to realize the possible ramifications of upsetting an unstable, psychopathic troll. Gamzee was always sweet and innocent when he was calm but, as they'd seen in the past, upsetting him didn't end well.

"Be careful coolkid," the blind troll warned, pointing in his general direction with her fork. "You don't want to get on his bad side. He's still kind of dangerous and murder-y, remember?"

"Oh wow, could that be doubt I detect? Rezi, are you doubting my totally boss, sick skills?"

"Of course not," she snickered. "Dave Strider is simply the coolest fucking kid on the planet, and it's kind of hard to keep being that cool when you've been beaten into a delicious red pulp by a clown."

"Look, I appreciate your girly concerns over my well being; it's so great you're concerned you'd possibly lose my ungodly trouser weasel even in a hypothetical situation," the Knight said, making the Libra giggle more. "But I'm not scared of him. If the juggalo fucker wants to start shit then bring it, I could take him."

"But can you take... My bulge?"

Terezi cackled at Dave's scowl; it would be interesting to see how he'd react later once she completely blew his mind.

He'd probably be too stubborn to admit it though.

Sighing, the troll shook her head; sometimes there was just no reasoning with him.

* * *

"So you're thinking, at most, troll-second base?"

"If even that. Given Karkat's general... Nature, I'd be quite surprised to discover otherwise. In fact, I doubt they've gone beyond some slight horn touches. Gaining access to those side slits would mean that Karkat would have to be comfortable taking his shirt off."

"What about Gamzee? I can't imagine that he'd be quite so reserved on the matter."

"Allow me the chance to revise my previous statement; Karkat would have to be comfortable with _anyone_ taking their shirts off."

Rose began to giggle at this, bringing a soft smile to Kanaya's own, black lips; this was how their interactions should always be. This light, enjoyable conversation that flowed so easily... She'd missed it so. More than that, though, it was nice to have someone to share theories with on the subject of Karkat and Gamzee's matespritship. The rainbow drinker had been surprised at first with how easily the human had put two and two together, but given her previous gifts as a Seer of Light she couldn't honestly say she hadn't seen it coming.

Intuition just came naturally to the girl, she supposed.

"Do you think they've told anyone else?" Rose asked, leaning back against the wall.

"Oh goodness no," Kanaya replied. "Karkat wouldn't allow for it; if he even knew that you were privy to their current arrangement he'd probably lock himself in the ablution block for sweeps."

"Consider my lips sealed, then," the human smirked. "After all, that would mean Gamzee would have to use the other bathroom."

"Could you imagine? With what a mess he tends to make in the kitchen I shudder to imagine the state of their ablution block. Actually, just last week-"

Kanaya was cut off suddenly by three quick knocks on her door. Glancing over curiously to the it, the Virgo nonchalantly told whoever it was to come in. Her and Rose could continue their gossip in a minute; whoever it was probably wouldn't be there for long anyway.

Unless it was Karkat, standing there looking like he was ready to begin a fresh rant.

The nubby horned troll took one look at Rose, though, and quickly shut his mouth. His eyebrows set deep into an irritable glare directed towards Kanaya, and he quickly looked from her to Rose and back.

"... Karkat?" the Virgo asked, seeing Rose stand up out of the corner of her eye. "Is there something you require assistance with?"

The Cancer now seemed frustrated as he looked over at the human smirking at him and then back to Kanaya. He huffed a bit and crossed his arms before finally answering.

"I need to fucking talk to you," he snapped. "_Alone_."

"Karkat, you do realize this is mine and Jade's room, right?" Rose chimed in.

"Jegus, who cares. Kindly fuck off and leave your room then. I just need a minute alone to talk to Kanaya, don't give me any of your snippy horseshit."

"Of course not. Pardon me for any snippy horseshit I may have subjected you to so far. I'll give you your privacy," she said, voice dripping with sarcasm as she turned to leave.

Karkat grumbled a bit and rolled his eyes but said no more; for whatever reason, he didn't seem to want to begin one of his angry battle of wits. The rainbow drinker exchanged a silent glance with Rose, unable to help the subtle curve of her lips as she left. Poor Karkat had no idea how much the girl already knew on her own.

Kanaya waited until the human had left the room completely, shutting the door behind her, before turning her full attention over to Karkat. She was probably going on a hunch, but she guessed this was about Gamzee.

"Alright Karkat," the Virgo said, patting a spot next to where she sat on the bed. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Besides the fact that I'm the worst fucking troll to have for a matesprit? Oh, nothing much," the Cancer groaned, taking up the empty spot next to Kanaya. "Jegus, I just know I'm going to fuck all of this up. Hell, I already am; I have one troll in two quadrants."

"Ah, so Gamzee _is _still your moirail then," the rainbow drinker mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "I was curious as to the technicalities of your relationship."

"Yeah, wonderful fucking technicality. Why don't I just have one troll for everything? We can prance around in shitty, thin flesh sacks and call ourselves 'human' while we're at it."

"As disturbing as that image is in my think pan, why don't we avoid being overly hasty and discuss the matter? Have you two gotten into some sort of skirmish?"

"No? Yes? Gog, I don't even fucking know," Karkat sighed, rubbing the sides of his head. "I just... I feel like he's always trying and I'm just always being a useless fuckass and doing absolutely nothing to make our relationship any easier. Hell, I'm probably the biggest detriment to my own romantic life. Big fucking surprise."

Kanaya raised an eyebrow at this, silently wondering to herself exactly what sort of elevated pedestal Gamzee was on in Karkat's think pan. In her eyes, the clown was still an unstable murderer with quite a long ways to go before he could ever be fully trusted again. Then again, she wasn't currently the one filling any quadrants with the highblood so maybe Karkat saw something in him that she didn't.

"To make sure I am understanding this correctly," she said. "You feel that Gamzee is contributing more to your relationship than you are, and this upsets you?"

"No, it's not... It's not that it upsets me that he does all this shit for me," Karkat said, visibly struggling to come up with a clearer explanation. "I just want to do something for him. He's always trying to make me happy and... And maybe I want to fucking do something to make him happy for once."

"I see."

Thinking the matter over for a few minutes, the Virgo tried to think of something that the nubby horned troll could do for his matesprit. What made Gamzee happy? Murder? Sopor slime? She honestly didn't know. In retrospect, though, she really had no reason to keep track of Gamzee's various interests.

"Well, you would know him better than anyone," Kanaya said. "Perhaps you could take him on a date of sorts? You could do something that pertains to his particular interests, whatever those might be."

"Fuck, I only know that he likes shitty rap music and that nasty Faygo swill he's always drinking," the Cancer answered, glaring down at the bed. "And, apparently, carnivals."

"Hmm... Try to think a bit deeper into the matter. There has to be something that he's mentioned to you that he enjoys. Surely, there must be something that he wishes to share with you?"

"Tch, not really. Unless we want to have a beautiful night of killing helpless trolls then I don't think that..." the short troll trailed off on his last sentence, and a strange look overcame his features.

"... Karkat?" Kanaya asked. "I'm afraid I didn't quite comprehend the end of that sentence."

"... Nevermind," the Cancer said, climbing off the bed and heading towards the door. "I have an idea; I think I know what to do... Thanks Kanaya."

With that, Karkat left the block, closing the door behind him. The rainbow drinker smiled to herself; she hadn't felt as though she'd done all that much, but her friend appeared to have come to some conclusion on his own.

"Anytime," she answered to the now shut door.

It wasn't shut for long as Rose was soon slipping back in herself with a curious gleam in her eyes. If Kanaya were a betting type of troll, she could have probably counted on the Seer reappearing as soon as Karkat left.

"So?" the human asked, taking up Karkat's previously occupied space on the bed. "What troubles the heart of the angry, love-stricken troll?"

A coy smile tugged at the corners of Kanaya's lips; Rose and she would definitely have quite a bit of fun analyzing this latest development.

* * *

This was going to be so motherfucking tasty.

Gamzee pulled his key to the apartment-stem out of his pocket with one hand, his other holding a white plastic bag that read 'Have a rice day!' with a yellow smiley face in the center. Since Karkat was all up and busy getting his schoolfed on, Gamzee had decided to go out and get some Chinese human nutrition. He'd been planning to just make it a quick run, but once he'd gotten there he was faced with the endless possibilities of different flavors.

He'd pretty much ended up with a little of everything.

The Capricorn slipped in through the door, closing behind him with a slight kick of his foot, and made his way over to the kitchenette. Fortunately, that blasphemous motherfucker, Dave, had absconded out of there before he'd gotten back. Shit, it wasn't exactly a motherfucking bitchtits time controlling himself around the human, but he had to do it for Karkat. If his best friend wanted him to keep that murderous mirth down, that was just going to have to be what he motherfucking did.

Gamzee glanced over to the clock on the stove as he set himself up at the bartop; it was only 9:36 pm, and Karkat was probably still working on his paper. He wanted more time with his bro, of course, but he didn't mind having to wait for it. Besides, this university schoolfeeding seemed to be really motherfucking important to him for some reason. The Capricorn could give a bro some peace to get his paper writing harshwhimsy on. They could just hang some other motherfucking time.

_But when will we have our time? Motherfucker never makes time for us._

Man, not this shit again. Karbro's just busy.

_He's always BUSY._

The tall troll gritted his teeth some as a slight pain bit at his think pan; this talking voice thing was probably the least mirthful thing in his life right now. Between it's constant talking about Karkat and Dave, Gamzee was beginning to lose his patience with it. Listening to the voice was the only thing that silenced it, but he couldn't all up and do that; he'd promised Karkat. He had to keep himself under control if he wanted to keep his bro in the most red of motherfucking ways.

Gamzee reached into the plastic bag and pulled out one of the four Styrofoam containers he'd ended up with. He then dug around some until he found one of the many sets of chopsticks that had been thrown in and separated them. One broke away with a bit more wood on the end than the other, but it was close enough. The Capricorn opened his box, smiling down at the mixture of delicious aromas coming from within.

… _How long do you really think you can wait?_

Have a little motherfucking faith brother. We'll get our time.

_When? And when can we cull the other one?_

Never bro, no more killing.

_I'd like to see him try and stop us. You know you want him dead._

Shit, if that ain't just the most truth my think pan ever did hear.

_Then do it._

We can't have both motherfucker; if we kill Dave we lose Karkat.

_Or we could take both of those mirthful things. What fool would stand between the highest of motherfucking subjugglators and what he wants?_

Guess we'll never know, bro.

Unceremoniously shoving bite after bite of the delicious Chinese nutrients in his mouth, Gamzee finally stopped to actually chew his food when a light 'honk' came from his pocket. He moved his chopsticks over to his left hand and pulled out his cell phone, curious to see who'd texted him.

- - KARKAT sent - -

GAMZEE, LOOK, I'M SORRY I KIND OF BRUSHED YOU OFF EARLIER.  
I KNOW I'M BASICALLY A PIECE OF SHIT OR WHATEVER,  
BUT I'M DONE WITH MY PAPER NOW SO I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU STILL WANTED TO DO SOMETHING.  
WHERE ARE YOU ANYWAY?

- - Today 9:45 pm - -

With a few quick pecks on his cellphone, the Capricorn sent out a response and set his phone down next to him.

- - You sent - -

hey karbro :o)  
NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE  
i'm getting my motherfucking chow on in the kitchen

- - Today 9:47 pm - -

Gamzee set back to work on the Chinese food, picking up a chunk of what must have been some form of meat and wolfing it down. After a few moments, the door to his and Karkat's respiteblock opened and the nubby horned troll came out. He was wearing that cute, motherfucking confused look on his face as the Capricorn slurped up the remains of a noodle hanging from his mouth.

"What's up bro?" the tall troll greeted. "Want some of this delicious motherfucker? I think it's Chinese meat."

"... Do you even know what the word 'Chinese' means, fuckass?" Karkat grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Honk! Must be some human word for 'delicious motherfucking miracle'."

The nubby horned troll scowled but climbed up into the barstool next to him nonetheless. Gamzee gave him a long, relaxed smile in return before taking another much too large bite.

"Jegus, you're going to fucking choke on that shit," Karkat said, resting his head against his hand. "Hurry up though, okay?"

"Hurry?" Gamzee asked, swallowing the chunk of food. "Why do I need to get my motherfucking hurry going?"

"Don't ask why! Look, just... Just hurry up and don't ask stupid questions."

The shorter troll had his contacts in, so apparently they were going to be out somewhere. Now it was the Capricorn's turn to be confused, but he wasn't about to question Karkat a second time on the matter. Besides, he was fine with not knowing; knowing shit just stole all the magic from his miracles like a motherfucking thief.

And that wasn't cool.

The troll continued to eat his Chinese food, and with a little less than half left he decided that he'd leave the remaining three Styrofoam boxes in the bag for later. He was more interested in what Karkat was up to than the food anyway. Taking another, slightly quicker bite the Capricorn soon noticed his bro's masked green and yellow eyes were watching him.

"... Want a bite?" he offered, extending one of the meaty lumps towards Karkat.

"What? No. Get those sticks out of my face Gamzee."

The Cancer shoved the chopsticks away hastily, but he still continued to eye them with an unmistakeably curious gleam. More than the food itself, it seemed that the shorter troll was studying Gamzee's eating utensils.

"... So... You pick up the food with two sticks?" Karkat asked. "Why aren't you using a fork?"

"Bro, that's just now how you eat human Chinese nutrients," the Capricorn said, pulling out a clean set of chopsticks from the bag. "Try it, it's pretty mirthful bro."

The nubby horned troll glared at the chopsticks being offered to him for a few seconds, and Gamzee could almost see his think pan weighing this decision over. Eventually, though, Karkat's curiosity gave in and he accepted the sticks from the taller troll.

"Why the fuck are they stuck together?" he asked.

"You have to break them up bro," Gamzee instructed, putting his own back together and pulling them apart as a demonstration. "See?"

Karkat watched the Capricorn's motions intently, a heavy focus in his eyes. It was pretty motherfucking adorable, and Gamzee had to force himself not to lean over and kiss his bro; now wasn't the time or the place for sloppy makeouts. The Cancer would still be all kinds of cute miracles later; for now he had to be patient.

With a light 'snap', Karkat's chopsticks broke apart and he took to trying to hold both of them in one hand the way Gamzee was. He appeared to be having a bit of trouble with them, and his eyebrows set in frustration.

"How the fuck are you supposed to pick anything up with this? It's impossible!"

Without a word, Gamzee plucked up a piece of meat from the remaining pile in front of him and tossed it into his mouth. As he chewed, he met the shorter troll's glower with his usual, lazy smile.

"... Fuck you," Karkat growled, shifting his determination from the chopsticks to the meat. "Okay, I just have to..."

The tip of the nubby horned troll's tongue dipped out between his lips in a deep concentration, and Gamzee soon found that he was more focused on that than on Karkat's numerous, failed attempts to pick up something with the chopsticks. Man, it had been way to motherfucking long since they'd had some mirthful red times together.

_Enough eating. Take him._

No bro, not now.

_I can feel your resolve slipping._

It ain't gone yet motherfucker.

"Fucking meat!" Karkat yelled, snapping Gamzee out of his mental conversation.

The Cancer then stabbed the piece of meat he'd been trying to pick up with the chopsticks. Bringing it to his mouth, he caught the meat between the uneven points of his teeth and all but completely ripped it from the sticks.

"Honk!" Gamzee said with a chuckle. "You got it bro!"

"These things are stupid, holy fucking shit do humans come up with the most useless wastes of time," he ranted, slamming the chopsticks on the counter and getting up from the barstool. "No more eating. Come on, we're going out."

"Out?" the Capricorn asked, getting up from his seat as well. "Where are we going?"

"On a fucking walk. And that's all I'm telling you so don't ask anything else," Karkat insisted, storming over to the door. "Just follow me."

"Sure thing, best friend."

Out the door they went, Karkat skulking in front with his hands stuffed in his pockets and Gamzee trailing behind him. The Capricorn was more than a little curious at this point, as Karkat definitely seemed to have some sort of specific destination in his think pan. Maybe they were going to get a DVD for a mirthful movie night? Or maybe the munchies were running low in the apartment-stem and they were going on a grocery run?

Gamzee's think pan was occupied for a good five minutes just trying to come up with an explanation for where they could be heading. It wasn't long, though, before the Capricorn became sidetracked by Karkat's form leading the way in front of him. Purple and yellow eyes traced lazily over the different angles and lines of the shorter troll's body, and Gamzee was soon trying to imagine what the Cancer looked like without all those restricting clothes.

_He looks like motherfucking ours._

He is ours bro.

_Not in the way he should be._

We'll get there.

_When._

I don't know... Soon I guess? Shit, don't motherfucking corner a bro like that.

_And what if 'soon' doesn't come quickly enough?_

Well... I motherfucking suppose that-

"We're here."

"Honk?" Gamzee said, looking around to see where he'd ended up after zoning out.

From what he could see, Karkat had lead him to the outskirts of the city. It was a secluded, hilly area lit only by the planet's single moon and the twinkling stars in the sky. There were a few trees around, but for the most part the area appeared to be a clearing of sorts. The whole thing was a pretty motherfucking beautiful thing, but Gamzee couldn't quite figure out why they were here. As he opened his mouth to ask about their surroundings, though, Karkat spoke first.

"Look, this is probably stupid and not something ridiculously fantastic or whatever," the nubby horned troll mumbled, looking away from the Capricorn as he spoke. "But... Fuck. I just thought that maybe... We could have some time together away from those other fuckasses and... Jegus, I'm so bad at this shit..."

"Is everything alright, Karbro?"

"Yes, everything's fine," the Cancer said, a light blush in his cheeks. "Fuck... No more talking okay? Just... Here."

In one, quick motion, Karkat reached out and grabbed Gamzee's hand, slipping his slender fingers in between the taller troll's own. The slight coloration in his face quickly darkened to a much more visible shade of red, and Gamzee couldn't help the long, toothy smile that spread across his face.

For the first time in their relationship, they were finally holding hands.

The Capricorn gave Karkat's hand a firm squeeze, and his vascular pump gave a quick skip when the shorter troll squeezed his hand back. Karbro was beginning to let his guard down for him, and he just couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away from the sight of their hands interlocked so perfectly together.

That was, until Karkat's eyes looked into his.

Gamzee bent down some, capturing Karkat's lips in a soft, gentle kiss. The shorter troll leaned in as best he could, but with the height different the Capricorn could tell he was having some trouble. Breaking their kiss, Gamzee lead his short moirail-sprit over to one of the hills and sat down. He used their still linked hands to gently tug Karkat towards him, and the nubby horned troll awkwardly moved into a sit. Gamzee shifted his position, gently pulling Karkat into his lap and wrapping his free arm around the Cancer's waist to secure him.

"Because this i-isn't embarrassing as fuck," the nubby horned troll grumbled to himself, tilting his head down to avoid eye contact.

"Karkat..." Gamzee murmured, pressing his forehead against the Cancer's."I'm so motherfucking flushed for you."

"... Me too," the short troll in his lap answered, voice barely above a whisper. "N-no more talking..."

The Capricorn didn't need to be told twice, and he leaned in once more to kiss the nubby horned troll. His tongue effortlessly slipped into Karkat's waiting mouth, capturing his own, slippery muscle. The two exchanged a few deep but gentle kisses, and Gamzee couldn't help the light moan that resonated into Karkat's mouth as he felt the small troll's hand tangle into his hair. With each light kneading of the Cancer's fingers into his messy locks, the taller troll kissed him just a little bit rougher.

What was more interesting, though, was that Karkat was matching his intensity instead of shying away from it the way he usually did.

Gamzee's eyes opened to a half lidded, relaxed state as he kissed his moirail-sprit, and he gradually began to slide his hand up Karkat's back. Lightly tracing the length of his spine, the Capricorn smiled into their kisses as he felt the smaller troll's body shiver at the sensation. He'd have to remember where the Cancer's hot spots were; it was so motherfucking adorable to see him twitch and writhe at such soft touches.

Still, though, he wanted to take things a little bit further.

Ever so tentatively, the taller troll wound his hand into Karkat's hair before running a single digit up the length of one of his horns. The Cancer let out a soft gasp between kisses, and Gamzee half-expected the troll to chastise him for touching there. However, Karkat seemed to have decided to ignore his ministrations, instead continuing their previous string of sloppy makeouts.

_This is your chance._

What?

_It's a secluded area, no one could stop you._

Not now, I don't need you harshing my motherfucking mellow.

The Capricorn's fingers lazily traced around the base of Karkat's horns, gently squeezing and sliding up and down the nubbed stretch of orange and yellow. Their kisses were becoming less coherent now, slowly giving way to the sheer need and heat of being in this moment together. Karkat was becoming more fervent, his claws lightly scratching at the back of Gamzee's head as he leaned deeper into their growing warmth. The taller troll could hear the pleasurable clicks and moans that the Cancer seemed to be having a harder and harder time suppressing.

_Keep going._

No.

_His bulge is beginning to unsheathe, he wants you to._

Karbro always gets mad at me when I try to go to far, this is good enough motherfucker.

_Who gives a MOTHERFUCK WHAT HE GETS?_

Gamzee groaned as another, sudden wave of pain cut through his think pan like a streak of lightning in the motherfucking storm of arousal.

_You can make the pain stop._

I'm not letting you ruin this.

Fortunately, Karkat hadn't seemed to notice his slight lapse in the flurry of their tangled up lips and limbs. Gamzee broke away from the smaller troll's mouth, moving instead to lick and kiss at the shell of one of Karkat's pointed ears. His hand continued to play with the Cancer's sensitive horns, paying special attention to the rounded tips.

_Take him, claim the mutant blooded motherfucker._

No, it's not that wicked time yet.

_Then it will never be time._

There will be a time motherfucker! I'm not going to force myself on Karbro.

_OBEY ME. OBEY YOUR OWN MOTHERFUCKING SELF._

Gamzee growled now, pulling his arm away from Karkat's horns to hold his own, aching head. This pain wasn't clearing up quickly like the other ones usually did, but the highblood didn't care. It didn't matter how much pain his own, instinctive urges were causing him; he wasn't going to do that to Karkat. Control; he had to keep control.

"... G-Gamzee?" came the almost breathless voice of his moirail-sprit.

The Capricorn looked into the shorter troll's face, now seeing his blushing, awkward expression. Motherfucker; now Karbro was probably feeling all kinds of self conscious.

"Oh... Sorry bro," Gamzee said, trying to cover what was really distracting him. "I guess I just zoned out a bit."

"Why... Why did you growl?" Karkat asked with a bit more composure, looking away from the taller troll as he climbed out of his lap.

Shit, his bro had heard that.

He didn't want to worry him though; Karkat didn't need to be getting his motherfucking worry on about whether or not he could control himself.

Then they'd be right back to the start.

"... Whoa, did I really all up and growl?" Gamzee said, scratching at the back of his neck. "I don't all up and remember... I guess I was just really motherfucking into that mirth."

Karkat seemed to be pondering that answer, as if unsure as to whether or not he should accept it as what had really happened. Gamzee maintained his lazy smile, doing as best as he could to hide the pain still drubbing at his think pan.

"Oh... Alright well," the nubby horned troll said, standing up. "It's getting pretty late. We should probably start heading back."

_YOU MOTHERFUCKING RUINED IT._

I wasn't the one that all up and shattered the wicked mirth!

_OUR BLOOD COLOR IS WASTED ON YOU._

The only motherfucking waste is what poison words you've been spewing at me.

… _I only speak that what's all up and inside you already bro._

"Sure thing Karbro," Gamzee said, getting up himself. "... Can we hold hands on the way back, best friend?"

"No fuckass," Karkat scowled, shoving his hands into his own pockets for good measure. "What if someone saw? That was kind of the whole fucking point of us coming way the fuck out here."

"Honk," Gamzee said, hoping this one word would mask his disappointment on the answer.

_You won't be able to resist forever._


	33. DOUBLE MOBIUS FUCK EVERYTHING

**A/N: ... Hi guys. :D' So it's been like... A month? Yeah. Sorry about that. x_x' October is usually kind of busy for me, but this time around it was just ridiculous. It took way too long to get this out and now I'm going to hand out apologies like cheap cigars. Super sorry about that dear readers, things have calmed down now and, to the best of my knowledge, November should be a fairly uneventful month ._.' Also, if I'm ever taking forever, feel free to pm me or say something on the LOHAT tumblr.**

**Without further ado, thank you all so much for your patronage and support, enjoy chapter 33.**

DOUBLE MOBIUS FUCK EVERYTHING

Karkat grumbled to himself, scribbling down different ideas and doodles in his notebook as he tried to decide on what to do. It was already Friday, and he still hadn't figured out what he wanted to surprise Gamzee with for the anniversary of one human month since they'd begun this fucked up dual quadrant-ship. He had a few generalized concepts for what to do, but he was quickly running out of time.

It was tomorrow, after all.

The Cancer scrutinized over his shitty, barely legible list of date ideas and irritably began scribbling out the ones that seemed lamest. This was so fucking stupid; he'd gotten the idea to even acknowledge this particular day from all of those weird human romance movies. Apparently, this was something to be celebrated on a monthly basis? It had sounded like it might be a nice, interesting idea for an excuse to spend more quality time with Gamzee, but now it was just turning into a think pan aching horror terror.

Whatever he ended up deciding on, he just knew that it had to be a surprise.

… Which probably wouldn't be all that difficult considering the fact that this was some bullshit human thing that Gamzee likely hadn't even thought to notice.

Oh well, at least he had that safety net; if the Capricorn didn't know there was any reason to expect something great, than there was less of a chance that Karkat would fuck everything up. Still, though, the nubby horned troll really wanted to try and make this nice for both of them. They really were getting better at spending more time together in those... 'intimate' ways, and if anyone actually knew about their secret relationship enough to criticize how they were interacting with each other, they could just go shove a rusty dull sickle up their nook because fuck them, the shorter troll was definitely making some gogdamn progress.

It was slow, frustrating progress at times.

But it was progress nonetheless!

The troll quietly thought over his strange, often confusing relationship with the Capricorn. A human month was about thirty days, and it really hadn't seemed like so much time had already passed. More than that, the nubby horned troll found it more than a little curious how easily he was beginning to adapt to things. Sloppy makeouts were slowly becoming more and more routine for them, and he was even finding that he'd miss the fuckass clown on those rare moments when he wasn't hovering over him like some overly protective lusus.

Moments like right now, for instance.

Karkat's think pan drifted back to earlier that week when he and the taller troll had gone to that hilly area just outside the city. A light blush rose to his cheeks as he remembered the way Gamzee's lips felt against his, the sensation of those long, slender digits toying with his horns. They'd never gotten that close before, and Karkat had been surprised at how quickly he'd missed that warmth once it was all over. He'd been more than a little embarrassed afterward when he'd realized his bulge had been stirring from all the stimulus, but luckily it seemed as if Gamzee hadn't noticed.

The Capricorn had probably been too preoccupied growling at nothing.

Again.

Setting his pen and notebook down, the nubby horned troll rubbed his temples; that was the second time Gamzee had done that, and it was beginning to worry him. He was still taking a daily gamble on just how much control the psychotic clown had over his own sanity and, all things aside, Karkat knew he'd do best not to forget that. There was definitely some connection between those growls and how physical they were being at the moment, so for now the best he could do was just try to keep an eye out for the signs and stop before things went too far.

Fuck... Maybe he could look into finding some sort of outlet for the taller troll's murder-urges?

Or maybe he could get back on fucking track and figure out what the hell he was going to do with his moirail-sprit tomorrow.

The Cancer shook his head slightly in an attempt to regain his focus, and he picked up his pen and notebook once more. Reviewing his scribbles yet again, though, only served to frustrate him further; these were all still shitty ideas! It wasn't like he wanted to do something ridiculous as fuck or complicated, just a simple, sweet date of sorts. The kind of dates that couples in his romcoms would go on where they'd do something like put together a picnic and just enjoy being with each other.

… Wait a second.

A picnic! Of course, how could he be so fucking stupid?

Karkat's lips spread into a rare, victorious smile as he turned to a fresh page in his notebook. He knew just the location too; they could find that clearing near the park where they'd first started on this fucked up road made entirely from all of the red feelings!

… Near the park where he'd killed all of those trolls.

The short troll paused a minute, weighing the matter silently in his think pan. It... Was still kind of romantic, right? Besides, there hadn't been any dead bodies in that clearing he'd found Gamzee in; they could take a roundabout way to avoid going directly through where the troll had kind of snapped like a fucking human 'Slim Jim'.

Karkat decided that yes, it still definitely counted as a romantic idea so fuck you. He'd have to make the food himself; it'd be more special that way. Damn it, what was he even going to make? He'd have to make sure he got up before anyone else did to prepare all of this because gog knew none of the other fuckasses in the apartment-stem could keep their mouths shut about anything that could even remotely be considered a secret. Well, except Kanaya; she'd been doing a pretty good job about not blabbing to everyone that he and Gamzee were flushed for each other.

The shorter troll silently vowed to let Kanaya know about this if she just so happened to be up at the same time when he was getting things prepared. Other than that, though, he was on his own and he had a lot of work to do. He was determined not to fuck things up this time; everything had to be perfect.

After all, a human celebration of a matespritship surviving for a month would only happened once.

* * *

"Are we going to get a cake?" John asked excitedly, jotting down a list of what they'd need to do beforehand. "Vanilla or chocolate?"

"Man, Karbro all up and has a wicked bitch of a sweet fang," Gamzee said, smiling as Miracle crawled under the bend in his leg like a sort of makeshift tunnel. "It has to be the most chocolatey of motherfuckers."

"Ha! Okay Gamzee, one 'chocolate cake motherfucker', I hope they still have them in stock when we get there!"

"Shit, they motherfucking better. I'm sure I've still got my juggling clubs that'll have something to say if they don't. Honk!"

The taller troll didn't notice John's mildly horrified grimace at his poorly received joke; his think pan was too busy getting its mirthful hurry on with all of this planning whimsy. They only had one day left to finish shit up, and they still had a lot of work to do. Everything had to be just perfect, and tomorrow it would all come together and feel so motherfucking worth it.

After all, Karkat's Wriggling Day would only come once in a human year.

If Gamzee was still going to track the passing days in Alternian sweeps, and if what Rose had spoke at him was the most righteous of truths, the next time his bro would be completing a full cycle would be in 26 human months. Then again, he could always celebrate a motherfucker's half cycle too.

… Man, who was he even all up and trying to kid with that noise?

Of course he was going to celebrate his red bro's half cycle too!

Every human year Karbro could have his Wriggling Day, and every human year Gamzee would celebrate it.

These ideas filled the troll's think pan with the most miraculous of mirths, and he could hardly wait to see his moirail-sprit's expression tomorrow when he saw his surprise party. It had to be a secret kept on the tightest of lock-downs... Which probably wouldn't even be all that motherfucking hard seeing as Karkat didn't know the sweet harshwhimsy of counting Earth days.

Technically, though, he didn't actually know that bitching system either.

But book smart human sis had figured it out; she cracked the code on that motherfucker for him like a-

_Laughsassin cracks the neck of a worthless peasantblood._

No, damn it; like a motherfucker cracks the top off a fresh bottle of wicked elixir before slamming that bitchtits down.

"... Okay," John said suddenly, successfully recapturing the Capricorn's attention. "So, um... The cake."

"Honk!"

"Oh, also, how are we going to get Karkat out of here to set everything up? He's kind of grumpy and stubborn and never really leaves the apartment-stem ever..."

"Bro, you just leave that shit to me," Gamzee said, plucking Miracle off the ground and placing her on top of his head. "I've got that plan hashed the motherfuck out. I hid all of my frosty brews away; I'm going to tell a motherfucker that we need to all up and get more."

"Sweet! This is so going to be the greatest party ever," John said. "I'll go out and get the cake with Jade later tonight, then we'll hide it in the kitchen where Karkat can't find it. What about the other supplies? Don't we still need to get like, food and super cool party hats."

"Don't even get your worry throbber going about that either," the taller troll replied, lazily standing up to his slouched height. "I've already got motherfuckers working on that."

* * *

Kanaya went through the list she'd been sent with, checking off the items they had one by one. It was a bit tricky to read Gamzee's handwriting; every now and then it appeared he'd suddenly start off on a different tangent so several words were left half-finished. For the most part, though, she'd been able to make sense of it and it appeared that she and Rose had managed to find everything.

The glowing troll pulled out her cell phone a minute, checking to make sure Gamzee hadn't texted her anymore last minute additions to their supplies. There were no new messages, for the moment, but that didn't mean there wouldn't be in a while. Deciding she'd rather play on the safe side, Kanaya turned up the volume; this would make message-monitoring a bit less tedious.

"Alright," she said finally, placing her phone back into her pocket. "I believe that's the last of it. Shall we get in line to purchase these things?"

"Well, unless you think we'd be able to walk out without paying for any of these items," the human responded, giving her a coy smile.

The glowing troll rolled her eyes some; these outings with Rose were always so enjoyable, even if they were just purchasing supplies for a secret party. If the Virgo were being honest, she wasn't entirely sure how Karkat would receive the unexpected festivities. He'd probably be irritated at first, as he was with most everything, but she hoped he would ultimately enjoy himself.

She and Rose made their way to the line leading up to the register, each carrying a basket filled with such things as balloons, streamers, and party hats that John had insisted were absolutely necessary. Kanaya probably wouldn't wear one herself if she could avoid it; they just looked a bit tasteless and tacky to her. In addition to the overall unappealing style of the hats, she doubted she'd even have something to wear that would match with it. There were simply too many colors and designs going on for a coherent outfit to coincide with.

"Are Wriggling Days commonly celebrated in troll culture?" Rose asked. "Or is he just going to be incredibly confused when he walks in on this?"

"Hmm... Wriggling Days are commonly acknowledged, but I'm not sure 'celebrated' would be a good word for it. I must say, humans seem to have a much cheerier outlook on the anniversary of one's existence than trolls do. Personally, it seems much more pleasant to me."

"If you don't mind my asking, what would be the traditional reaction to such an occasion then?"

Kanaya opened her mouth as if to answer, when out of the corner of her eye she noticed that there was yet another large, indigo blooded troll. He was waiting in line about three people ahead of them, and the glowing troll wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed him before. The troll towered over everyone else in the store, just as all of the other indigo bloods she'd been seeing did. In an attempt to put her own mind at rest, the rainbow drinker had eventually given in and researched the average height of trolls of that blood color.

What she'd found hadn't put her mind to rest at all.

If anything, it solidified her theory that this wasn't just some strange coincidence common among those in that blood caste.

"Kanaya?"

The Virgo was pulled from her thoughts with Rose's confused expression, and she suddenly realized she'd never answered the human's question.

"Oh, my apologies," Kanaya said. "I'm afraid I got a bit distracted there."

"Was it because of that taller troll ahead of us?" the human whispered, never missing a beat on things like this. "I've been seeing a lot of trolls like that recently."

"Yes, I've noticed them as well," the Virgo confessed as the line move forward. "It's just... Very curious is all."

"I see."

Kanaya carefully studied the troll as best she could from her current position, jade lips drawn into a tight line. She almost dreaded to think about the implications of all of these trolls merely disguising themselves as indigo bloods.

There was simply no two ways about it.

She had to do some further investigation on the matter.

The rainbow drinker waited patiently for the tall troll to purchase his items, several suspicion raising bottles of Faygo, and she leaned in to speak to Rose without others hearing.

"Do you think you'd be able to finish getting these items back to the apartment-stem on your own? I'd like to follow this character."

"Well, that would depend," Rose answered. "Do you think you'd be able to handle things if they should things take a turn for the unsavory?"

In response, the glowing troll retrieved her chainsaw lipstick and gave the Seer a knowing smirk; she never left the apartment-stem without it, of course.

"I think I'll be fine."

With that, she carefully handed her supplies over to Rose before casually following out after the indigo blooded troll as he left the store. Kanaya trailed a bit behind him, tilting her head a to see if she could catch sight of his face from behind. If she ended up losing sight of him, she at least wanted a good, mental snapshot of what he looked like in case he turned up again. For the moment, such concerns went unsupported as the tall troll didn't appear to notice her.

As far as height was concerned, he definitely reminded the Virgo more of Gamzee than Equius; that said, he was clearly quite a bit older than either of them so it was difficult to say if that was an accurate comparison. Given his size and the incriminating bottles of Faygo, though, Kanaya couldn't really pretend as if she didn't have any bias one way or the other. However, she couldn't just out and out start mowing down trolls with her chainsaw.

She needed proof.

And also probably a specific incident or appearance to react to.

But mostly, it was the proof.

The troll took long, heavy strides as he made his way down the sidewalk. He didn't need to move or maneuver through the pedestrians with much trouble as they eagerly moved around him. Such auspicious conditions didn't quite hold true for Kanaya, though, and more than once she found she was having to play catchup as she got caught in the crowds. It was a good thing the giant was hard to miss or she'd have been more concerned about losing him.

After walking several blocks, the troll turned right onto a different street, and the Virgo was fast behind him. This one seemed to be less busy than the previous one, and Kanaya was pleasantly surprised to find that she wasn't having as much trouble keeping up. He appeared to have some clear destination in mind, and she was more than a little curious to see what it was. Reaching into his bag of recently purchased beverages, Kanaya watched as the tall troll withdrew one of the bottles of Faygo and cracked it open. Her lips curled some in disgust; how anyone could drink that stuff was beyond her. Despite her repulsion towards the drink, the Virgo took advantage of this distraction to move a bit closer; maybe if she could get a photo of the troll she could use it to further research the matter.

The rainbow drinker silently fished her cell phone out of her pocket and took several pictures of the stranger. Now at least if she lost sight of him, she'd have something to go by for later.

And then it happened.

A beautiful, but undeniably loud, bit of classical music chimed from Kanaya's cell phone, heralding a new text message from Gamzee.

The tall troll she was following instantly whipped around, his indigo eyes wide with surprise and then fury. Kanaya stopped in her tracks, meeting his glare with one of her own; he wouldn't dare to attack her in broad daylight like this, it'd be too foolish.

If he did, though, she was ready.

The Virgo put her cellphone back and took her lipstick out of her strife specibus; if he did come at her, he'd be met with the revving end of her chainsaw. This silent stare down lasted for a few moments before the tall troll turned suddenly and took off in the same direction he'd been traveling in. His speed made him little more than a blur and then he was gone, leaving Kanaya alone to mull over what had just happened.

These large, 'indigo blooded' trolls were definitely up to something.

* * *

Okay.

Now he just had to hide this shit from Gamzee until tomorrow.

Karkat carefully stacked the items he'd purchased in the back of their closet, disguising them behind his mountains of romcoms. All of the perishable food had been stuffed into the bottom drawer of the refrigerator, but everything else would be safely hidden in here. The Cancer smirked, almost feeling a bit excited for the following day; he'd have to make sure he got up before Gamzee did to keep it a surprise.

He'd even gotten him something to mark the occasion.

The short troll gave a determined nod as he examined his handiwork in hiding the items. For once, everything was going to be perfect; he and that psychotic clown were going to have a nice anniversary alone, and nothing was going to fuck that up.

Karkat's thoughts were interrupted as he heard someone entering their respiteblock, and he quickly shut the closet door to avoid raising suspicions. Shooting a quick glance over to the couch, he determined that he wasn't going to be able to get there quickly enough to look casual. He'd just have to sit tight in front of the closet and hope that whoever it was didn't question what he was doing.

The familiar, purple and yellow eyes of Gamzee looked curiously down at him, and Karkat met the look with his usual scowl.

"Can I fucking help you?" he grumbled, crossing his arms. "By all means, feel free to keep gawking at me like some sort of wiggler think panned moron."

"Honk!" Gamzee chuckled. "Sorry Karbro, you're just being all motherfucking cute again."

"Fuck off! I'm not cute," the nubby horned troll protested.

"Man, what are you even getting your bad self up to doing down there?"

"I'm... Well..." the Cancer looked around, trying to come up with a logical explanation for why he was sitting in front of the closet. "What, can't a troll just sit around to guard his sacred movie collection? Is that some sort of federal fucking crime now?"

Guarding his movie collection?

Wow, that sounded even lamer than it did in his think pan.

"No need to get a motherfucking harsh going, best friend," Gamzee said, making his way across the block. "It's not even anything but mirthful times up in here."

Karkat opened his mouth to retort, but he then noticed that the taller troll was holding his hands behind his back as he awkwardly sidestepped his way over to the horn pile. The Cancer watched him as he moved, raising an eyebrow in confusion; what did Gamzee have there?

"What are _you_ doing?" Karkat asked accusingly.

The clown's long smile spread even farther as he continued to move towards his horn pile, but didn't give any response past that.

"Gamzee, I swear to fucking jegus whatever you have better not currently or have ever been alive at any point in its existence," Karkat warned.

"Man, it's not even anything like that motherfucker," the Capricorn answered, leaning over the horn pile in such a way that Karkat couldn't see around his gigantic fucking tower of a body. "Just got me some more of these bitching bike horn honkers. Want to give them a squeeze?"

"Quit buying those shitty things!" the shorter troll growled. "You already have a ridiculous amount of them. No more, I'm serious."

"Sure thing, bro," Gamzee answered dismissively.

The Cancer rolled his eyes in a sort of mock-irritation; the horns were kind of annoying, (especially when accidentally stepped on at four in the fucking morning when an innocent troll was getting up to use the load gaper) but he didn't really mind all that much. In a way, they were as much a part of Gamzee as that shitty clown makeup he always wore.

Karkat watched as the now empty handed Capricorn began walking over to him, but he quickly looked away; there was no way he could let the taller troll see into the closet, it was too risky. He needed some sort of distraction before Gamzee decided to return to asking him about why exactly he was just sitting there.

"... So, are you going to be helping Jade make dinner?"

"Hmm..." the clown said, stopping just in front of Karkat as he pondered the question. "I'm not all up and feeling like baking shit right now. Dog sis can handle it."

Damn, okay, different tactic.

"Well, there might be something on TV," the short troll tried again, eyes to the ground as he spoke. "Maybe we could-"

Karkat was cut off then as Gamzee suddenly scooped him up and slung him over his shoulder.

"Wee!"

"What the fuck Gamzee! Put me down!" the Cancer yelled, squirming to try and get out of the other's grasp. "Stop, fuck! You're going to drop me!"

"Honk honk!" was the Capricorn's only answer as he began to move about the room. "You're so motherfucking tiny."

Was this idiot out of his fucking think pan?

"I'm not tiny you fuckass, you're a gogdamn giant! And for the record, you're a troll and not a shitty carnival contraption. Put me down!"

"But bro, you just said not to drop you," Gamzee teased, earning a double flip off and scowl combo from Karkat. "How am I supposed to all up and do both of those things?"

Unable to think of an answer that would make sense of the admittedly contradicting orders, Karkat merely growled and swung his legs in a futile attempt to kick himself free of his moirail-sprit who'd clearly lost his fucking sanity. For gog's sake, he had the nubby horned troll hanging off his shoulder like some fresh trophy from a hunt.

It was embarrassing; what if someone walked in on-

The Cancer facepalmed as he caught sight of the door that Gamzee had remembered to lock.

Fuck, there went his excuse to be put down.

"Jegus fuck, this is so stupid."

"Honk!"

"No. Shut up. Shut up and put me down damn it."

After a few more moments, Gamzee seemed to have had his fill of parading around their respiteblock, and he finally leaned closer to the ground to release Karkat. The Cancer wasted no time in scrambling out of the taller troll's grasp and standing on his own two feet. He'd looked up to fix Gamzee with a stern glare in preparation for a fresh rant when he saw it.

Oh hell no.

This fucker was snickering like this was all some schoolhive rumpus respite!

"I'm sorry," Karkat hissed with a dark glower. "Is there something funny here?"

"Just that motherfucking adorable reaction of yours bro," Gamzee snickered. "I couldn't help it; you were all flailing and shi-IT!"

Karkat charged forward and tackled the clown, effectively knocking him back onto their sofa as he did so. It only took a second for Gamzee to collect himself after the surprise attack, but the shorter troll didn't miss a beat in trying to pin him where he lay. He was no match for the Capricorn's strength, though, and soon the two were wrestling as each tried to win dominance over the other.

"Gogdamn stupid fuckass psycho!"

"I'm flushed for you too motherfucker."

Gamzee was definitely more physically capable than he was, but being smaller gave Karkat his own advantage; he was much more difficult to keep still and he was arguably that much more nimble for it. He used this difference in size to his benefit, slipping away any time the taller troll came too close to pinning him. Unfortunately, dodging only worked so well on the limiting surface of their couch and soon the nubby horned troll was secured by his wrists. Gamzee smiled lazily but victoriously down at him, straddling him with his knees holding Karkat's sides.

"Not a fucking word," the Cancer snarled. "Say one gogdamn word and I'll burn all of your bike horns in your sleep."

The Capricorn laughed, making Karkat roll his eyes; yeah yeah, he was weak and pathetic, really fucking hilarious. He waited irritably for Gamzee to get over it, and he quietly took instead to studying the taller troll at this unique perspective. Despite proving his abilities time and time again, the clown really didn't look as strong as he was. But then again, Karkat had never really given him a good look over before. Now that he was, though, he could definitely see the telltale sculpts of muscle worked seamlessly through his moirail-sprit's body. Maybe the reason he didn't look so strong was just because all of those muscles were spread out?

"... Bro?"

Karkat tore his attention away from studying Gamzee's frame and his gaze was met unexpectedly with the taller troll's own. It only took a moment for the Capricorn to close the gap between them as he leaned down so they could exchange several sweet kisses. The nubby horned troll eagerly tilted his head up to meet each one, closing his eyes so that he could relish in the relaxing sensations he'd come to associate with the mating fondness he held for Gamzee.

"Oh, before I get my motherfucking forget on," the taller troll murmured, shifting to dot soft kisses along Karkat's neck. "We're out of my miraculous brews."

"Again? Didn't we just fucking get some?" Karkat grumbled, absentmindedly pulling his hands out of Gamzee's grasp. "How many of those shitty things do you drink in a day?"

"Never too many Karbro."

"Ugh... Whatever, we'll go out and get more tomorrow."

The nubby horned troll could feel Gamzee smile against the sensitive stretch of his neck, and he couldn't help but smirk at the feeling. It almost tickled, and he half wondered just what the clown was suddenly so damn happy about. Whatever, maybe he was just simple enough to be excited about the fact that they were going to be going somewhere tomorrow. If the Capricorn were that excited over such a small thing, then he had no idea what he was in for.

Everything was going to be absolutely perfect.


	34. Happy 1 Month Wriggling Day Anniversary

**A/N: Special thanks and shout out to my good friend Diana who is my newly acquired Beta Reader. :D This chapter should read with significantly less technical errors than the others thanks to her. -3- You da best girl. Also, holy poop this chapter turned out huge. I'm shutting up now, enjoy!**

Happy One Month Wriggling Day Anniversary

Light trickled in from the window of Gamzee and Karkat's respiteblock, faintly illuminating the area with the fresh breaking of dawn. Such brightness wasn't nearly enough to drag any normal, unconscious troll out of his sleep, and in actuality it did very little good at even revealing the dangerous obstacles littering the floor. One could very easily slip up on a stray bike horn or crumpled up set of dirty clothes if they weren't careful. Fortunately, though, Karkat hadn't been betting on the dim lighting of an early morning to wake him up before his moirail-sprit.

No, that job was entrusted to one annoying as fuck alarm that suddenly buzzed inside his pants pocket.

The nubby horned troll grumbled awake after about a minute of the incessant vibration, and it took him more than a few attempts to successfully locate and shut off his cell phone's alarm. Blearily, he pushed himself into a sit and took a few moments to gain his bearings on where he was and what he was doing. It had been a while since he'd slept outside of a warm, comfortable recuperacoon, and waking up on a sopor-less sofa on top of Gamzee left him feeling more than a little groggy. Studying the Capricorn's still sleeping, clown painted face, the short troll silently smirked at him.

He clearly wasn't going to be getting up anytime soon.

After the cell phone was stashed into his sylladex, he shook his head some to clear up his think pan. Ever so carefully, Karkat slid off of the sofa and away from the taller troll, looking back only briefly to make sure that the movement hadn't roused Gamzee from his slumber. Surely enough, the psychotic clown was still dead to the world. The Cancer wasn't sure why he was being so concerned about how much noise or movement he made; the taller troll wasn't exactly a light sleeper. It would take a lot more than some cell phone buzzing and sofa absconding to wake him up. Still, everything would be fucked up if he somehow managed to wake Gamzee up too early by mistake; better safe than sorry.

Rummaging briefly through the dresser drawers, Karkat pulled out a fresh set of clothes that Kanaya had once said went well together. At least, he was pretty sure it had been these clothes that she was talking about; fashion was kind of fucking stupid anyway.

He went over to the ablution block, sparing a quick glance to Miracle who was laying on the husktop table. She'd probably been asleep up until now, and she gave him a curious look as he passed by. The matter must not have been interesting enough for her to pursue, however, as she tucked her head back into her body, probably to drift back to sleep.

What the nubby horned troll wouldn't give to go back to sleep as well.

Who even got up at this ridiculous time of morning?

Locking the door behind him, the Cancer flicked on the lights of the ablution block and wasted no time in shirking off his clothes from the day before. This morning differed from others in that he wasn't covered in the morning sopor slime that needed to be rinsed off, but that fact aside, he was simply feeling too gross for such an important day.

No matter how he painted it, an ablution was in order.

Besides, it'd probably help wake him up.

The troll turned on the water and climbed in, double checking the curtain to make sure he hadn't accidentally left any gaps that someone could possibly see him through.

You know, once they somehow entered through the locked door at the time of morning when nobody was up.

Fuck off.

It didn't take much time for him to wash his body, and as he bathed he began his usual task of checking over his body for scars. The night of the attack had been so long ago, but the short troll still remembered it. Most of the time, he could brush those nutrition sack emptying memories to the bottom of his think pan. Once he'd fully recovered from his wounds, that day just seemed to fade bit by bit from his memory, losing its edge and clarity in his think pan as if it had just been some bad dream.

Sometimes, in his weaker moments, Karkat would wonder if that was all it had been.

With no scarring to prove otherwise, it was easy to forget late at night.

And who knew when it would happen again.

Karkat pushed those thoughts away, occupying himself instead with scrubbing at the scruffy black nest on his head. He had to be mindful of his horns, even as he ran the suds out. There was no sense even considering the ramifications that could come from accidentally brushing up against one of them the wrong way. There would be plenty of time for that lat-

Wait, no, stop that.

Were his hormones really that difficult to control?

Growling in frustration, the short troll strived to shake the more... graphic images of Gamzee from his thoughts and concentrate on his ablution. Try though he might, his think pan continued to infuriatingly steer back to the intimate questions plaguing him about their relationship. Was Gamzee going to expect him to take things farther in lieu of this celebration? Karkat wasn't even sure he was ready to go any farther just yet. He knew that, someday, the taller troll would probably, eventually, want them to reach some iota of a degree of... less clothes... ness.

The Cancer turned off the water, stepping out of the ablution with his usual scowl and a slight blush on his cheeks. If he were being honest with himself, yes; he did one day kind of want there to be, well, not as much clothes during their more private moments together. But how would he know when that day had come? Would there be some sort of flashing, neon burst of sensations and hormones that would happen to scream, 'Hey fuckass, get naked!'?

… Why the rot infested hell was he still thinking about this?

Karkat pulled out his toothbrush and set to work cleaning the sticky, gross taste out of his mouth. He swore, some mornings it felt like something had crawled into his mouth and just died overnight. As they did every morning, each minty pass of the bristles over his awkwardly shaped teeth helped to renew the previously clean and flavorless state he so preferred.

Rinsing out the foamy mixture of toothpaste and grime with a swig of some mouthwash, the troll then decided it was about time to put some fucking clothes on. As he pulled on the outfit, Karkat mentally commended himself on the fact that he had somehow managed to grab the dark blue shirt and loose black pants that he'd been hoping for while aimlessly groping about their dresser in the dimly lit block. Now fully dressed, the nubby horned troll turned to the mirror to fully evaluate himself. After an ablution and with a clean set of clothes that went together, he didn't look half as horrible as he usually did. There were still those dark rings under his eyes, but he supposed that just came with the territory of staying up way too gogdamn late and never getting a proper night of rest.

Maybe he should do something with his hair?

Karkat hesitated a moment before digging through the drawers and pulling out a hairbrush that might as well have been brand new for how seldom it was touched. He glared at it a moment but then took to dragging the brush through his messy crop of black hair. Normally, he'd just let it dry into whatever fucking shape it decided to be that day, so it'd be interesting to see how much different it'd look now that it had been straightened out beforehand.

He took one final look in the mirror before turning the lights off and leaving the ablution block once more. Not even close to perfect, but it was an improvement over the usual, he decided.

The nubby horned troll blinked a few times to readjust to their barely lit respiteblock and verified once more that Gamzee was still sound asleep on the couch. Going around the back of it, Karkat made his way over to the closet, warily eying the ground as he did so lest he step on something.

They really needed to clean this shit up eventually.

Opening the closet door, the Cancer carefully moved aside his precariously stacked piles of romcoms to reveal some of the items he'd bought in preparation. There was a picnic basket filled with all the napkins and nonperishable foods he'd need as well as a large, soft blanket neatly folded on top of it. It would have gone into the picnic basket too, but there simply wasn't enough room with everything else in there for a gigantic fucking blanket.

Karkat pulled the basket and blanket out of the closet and quickly closed it, eager to get out of their respiteblock to minimize his risk of waking up Gamzee. Turning to leave with the items, he suddenly stopped as he remembered the present he had for his moirail-sprit; it too was hidden in the closet. Hesitating for just a moment, he quickly deposited his armload of picnic items and went back to fetch Gamzee's present. He had to dig around a bit to find it again, but once he did, he hastily shoved it into his pocket.

It wasn't anything super amazing, but hopefully the Capricorn would like it.

Recollecting his previous items, Karkat slipped out of their respiteblock as quietly as he could and shut the door behind him. He then hurried to the kitchenette, now much less wary of being too noisy; everyone was still asleep, and he doubted sound would travel too well into each of their individual blocks anyway.

The short troll scurried about, setting out the two loaves of bread along with various meats, cheeses, condiments and vegetables to make fresh sandwiches for their picnic. He hadn't been able to decide on exactly what Gamzee would enjoy best, so he decided he'd just make a whole bunch so that they'd have options.

One of them was bound not to be completely shitty, right?

Karkat sampled bits and pieces of each ingredient before combining them several different ways in between the slices of bread, lumping together flavors that tasted good. He never realized what a lame science making food was; there were ham sandwiches with yellow cheese and grub sauce, roast beef sandwiches with Swiss cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and mayonnaise, and other, similar blends of weird human food. Eventually, he ran out of bread and decided that he probably had enough sandwiches.

Actually, maybe he had way too many fucking sandwiches.

The Cancer persisted, though, and managed to cram all of the sandwiches he'd made into one side of the picnic basket. He'd keep the other side empty for now, save for the napkins, and vowed to put their beverages in there later so that they'd still be cold. Karkat cleaned up after himself and examined his handiwork, feeling a bit proud that he'd actually managed to get this together.

Now he just had to hide it well enough that nobody would find it.

Looking about the kitchenette, Karkat's eyes eventually stopped on a small cupboard just above the thermal hull. He didn't think anything was usually kept up there; at least, he'd never seen anyone taking things out of or putting things into it. That would be the perfect place to hide his stupid human anniversary celebration basket and blanket. With a bit of effort, the short troll scrambled onto the counter to better reach the cupboard. Upon opening it, though, he was more than a little confused over what he saw there. He set his picnic basket on top of the thermal hull, his curiosity piqued.

Carefully pulling out a strange, colorful box from the cupboard, Karkat peered through its clear, plastic top to get a look at what was inside. As far as he could tell, it appeared to be some sort of cake complete with sprinkles and a shit ton of fluffy, chocolatey icing. It made the Cancer's mouth water some just to look at it; he could only imagine how tasty it would be.

… Wait, why the fuck was there a cake in this cupboard?

The cake was lined up next to the picnic basket and blanket atop the thermal hull, and with his hands freed, Karkat tried to further explore the cupboard for clues. Who the hell would randomly put a cake in here for no reason? It made no sense.

No further items were produced from the cupboard, and the nubby horned troll rolled his eyes irritably. This was probably John's shitty idea for some incredibly lame, wiggler brained prank. It wasn't as if anyone else would spontaneously bake a cake.

Well, maybe Gamzee would.

But if he had, he would have tried to get Karkat to eat it too.

Either way, the fact still remained; this cake was taking up too much space in this otherwise perfectly good hiding spot. His course of action now clear, the troll placed his picnic basket and blanket where the cake used to be and shut the cupboard. He then brought the confectionery item in question down with him as he climbed off the counter and took a long look at it.

… John probably wouldn't notice if some of the frosting was missing from the back.

Ever so slowly, Karkat opened the box and took in the deliciously sweet aroma of the cake as it seemed to pour out; this cake was probably all kinds of delicious and John was going to waste it. The troll looked around, making sure no one was watching, and then swiped a quick claw along the side of the cake furthest from him. A glob of chocolate quickly disappeared between the Cancer's teeth and a rare smile graced his lips as he enjoyed this savory bit of sugar.

Such a waste.

Oh well, that was enough of that; this was getting pretty stupid.

He snapped the box shut and turned his attention towards figuring out where to put the cake now that it had been evicted from the cupboard. Popping the thermal hull open, Karkat frowned as he realized there wasn't really any room in there for the large cake box. Where else was he going to stash it? The other cupboards and drawers were probably full with their own useful, completely explainable items.

He was going to have to get creative with this.

Shifting his weight as he held the cake, Karkat looked around the kitchenette until his eyes finally stopped on the oven. It wasn't exactly the most ideal place to stow baked goods, but it certainly was big enough. Besides, he doubted anyone would be stupid enough to turn it on without looking inside first.

That was like, step one of cooking things, right?

He balanced the cake box in one arm and pulled the oven door open with the other. With little more fanfare than that, he shoved the cake into the oven and closed it. There, he was officially all set for his surprise one month anniversary thing with Gamzee. Karkat smirked victoriously, satisfied that he somehow hadn't fucked this up yet and even had time to relax. He was feeling a bit thirsty, and he concluded that he'd certainly earned whatever liquid he could swipe from the thermal hull.

Orange juice?

No.

Apple juice?

It was tempting, if for no other reason than pissing Strider off, but he wasn't quite in the mood for that either.

He could always have some of that disgusting Faygo shit that the clown had.

… Wait, no he couldn't.

Karkat frowned as he remembered Gamzee mentioning that they were out. The short troll tapped his claw on the door of the thermal hull, debating with himself as to whether or not he'd have time to get to the store and back before the Capricorn woke up. It would be one less thing they'd have to do, and then they'd have more time for their picnic.

What time was it anyway?

Pulling his cell phone out of his sylladex, the Cancer checked the time; it was only 7:48am, so he still had plenty of time before the other idiots in the apartment-stem began to wake up. Grumbling to himself, he retrieved the broken sunglasses he'd left in the living room a while back. He'd probably have to put in those stupid contacts later on in the day, but these would do for a quick run to the store.

With that, the short troll dashed out of the apartment-stem.

* * *

Yeah, this still... was not a cake.

John stared at the two items sitting in the cupboard where he'd put Karkat's 'Wriggling Day' cake in utter confusion. Thinking back to the previous day, he tried to remember if at any point he'd decided to move the cake to a different spot.

"Come on, this isn't funny," Jade said, washing some of the dishes that had been piling up in the sink. "We don't have time for these silly pranks."

"What? No, I totally didn't do this," the Heir said, withdrawing the basket and blanket. "Even I think that would be super lame. Plus, Gamzee kind of scares me, why would I want to hide his best bro's cake?"

"I don't know, maybe for the same reason that you replaced the cream filling in those Oreos with toothpaste earlier this week?"

"Oh, don't even compare Jade. That was totally different," John insisted, fighting back a chuckle as he remembered how pissed Karkat had gotten when he'd done that. "The prankster's gambit was mine that day, this is just... weird. Picnic stuff instead of a cake? What is even the point to that? It makes no sense; there's no challenge in randomly moving stuff around!"

"Then the cake must have just sprouted legs and walked off? Just admit that your joke failed and tell me where you put it."

"Ugh! I'm being so serious though."

John sighed and looked into the basket, his frustration melting into curiosity as he discovered it was filled with a bunch of different sandwiches. Whoever had put this stuff up there apparently hadn't gotten to use it yet.

Maybe they'd forgotten about it?

"Wait a minute, Dave and Terezi are always going out on those crazy dates of theirs," he tried, taking one of the sandwiches out. "I bet they put this up there."

"... John, they aren't even up yet," Jade said, rolling her eyes at him.

"No, like, hear me out. Didn't it rain yesterday?"

"Um... No, I don't think it did."

"Okay, well maybe it did and we just didn't notice it?"

Jade gave him a bored look before returning to scrubbing the various plates and utensils in the sink.

"... It could have! Maybe it happened at night when we were all sleeping," John insisted, taking a bite out of the sandwich he had. "Eww, I think this one has that weird troll juice on it. It must have been for Terezi... But anyway, what if it rained and then they couldn't have their picnic so they did something else and just forgot all about this stuff?"

"John, that sounds really stupid. And if you're going to insist that it's theirs and not yours, stop eating it!"

"What? No way! There are probably a million sandwiches in here! Plus, they'll go bad if they've been just sitting up there since yesterday. Want one?"

"... I just had breakfast!" Jade said, a hint of annoyance now in her voice. "And you did too! Besides that, if those sandwiches had been there since yesterday, then they would have _already_ gone bad by now."

"Eww, wait, so what if that wasn't grub juice or whatever? Oh nasty! I bet it was rotten sandwich ectoslime!"

"John, I don't care about the sandwiches," the Witch said, drying her hands and turning off the water. "Ha ha, hilarious prank, throw the rotten sandwiches away."

"Yeah, I guess I probably should."

Walking over to the garbage can, John wasted no time in emptying out the picnic basket. He then took up the blanket that had been neatly folded on top of it and decided that it'd probably be best to put it in the linen closet in the hall.

Man, he was being so completely responsible!

"Okay, I've checked all of the cupboards," Jade called from the kitchenette. "I still can't find the cake."

"Look, Jade, I know I'm always super silly with pranks and hilarious jokes and stuff," John said, rejoining her. "But I'm being one hundred percent truthful right now. I really don't know where the cake is or how it moved."

"Argh! We won't have time to go buy a new cake."

"What are you talking about? It's only 9:34; no one else is even up yet!"

"I know that," Jade growled slightly, appearing frazzled as she continued her futile hunt through the cabinets and drawers of the kitchenette. "But we still have other stuff to do. Gamzee wanted us to make all that strange troll food, remember?

"Oh shoot... I forgot about that."

"Then there's decorations, Dave's going to need time to set up his music stuff, and we can't do any of that with Karkat here. At most, Gamzee will probably buy us a couple of hours if we're lucky."

"Well... we could start getting small things ready now and then actually put everything together as soon as Gamzee leaves with Karkat! That should buy us enough time to go get another chocolate cake, right?"

Jade paused in her frantic searching, and she seemed to be seriously considering John's suggestion. After a few seconds, her worried expression faded, and a warm smile took its place.

"I guess that could work," she conceded, taking a deep breath. "... Okay, yes. That's what we'll do."

"See? Don't get so stressed out," John laughed, giving her a chipper, bucktoothed grin. "So what should we do first?"

"Let's see... The oven will probably take a while to preheat. Turn it up to 450 and I'll start mixing some of the ingredients together in different bowls."

John did as he was told, and then proceeded to try and help Jade figure out Gamzee's illegibly scrawled cooking instructions.

They were so on top of this party stuff.

* * *

Down the mid-morning sidewalk of the busying troll and human city, one growling Karkat began to make his way back to his apartment-stem with way too many fucking bottles of Faygo in tow. There was just one question nagging at his think pan.

Who the ever loving _fuck._

Didn't open a store.

Until 10:00 in the gogdamn morning?

It was the most insipid, infuriating, completely stupid thing he'd ever had the misfortune of reading with his own eyes. That fucking psychotic clown owed him; once he'd finally gotten inside, it had taken even more precious time from his day just to find the shitty bottles of sludge.

Karkat didn't dare look at the time on his cell phone now; he knew he'd already wasted too much time just trying to accomplish this one, simple task. No, he didn't need to remind himself of that.

… Even if he could somehow retrieve his cell phone while balancing bags filled with an insane amount of clown swill.

Hopefully, he'd have enough time to get Gamzee cleaned up some from the previous day. That said, the nubby horned troll seriously doubted it; it wasn't all that uncommon for his messy haired blockmate to just wear the same outfit two or three days in a row.

It was disgusting.

Normally, Karkat would just shrug it off and deal with the vile thought of built up grime on his moirail-sprit, but today was fucking special. He'd gotten all nice and cleaned up for Gamzee, and that fuckass was going to look nice too whether he liked it or not. The short troll would storm into their respiteblock, wake the highblood up and drag his smelly clown ass into the ablution block by his filthy, pointed ear if he had to.

Suddenly, the Cancer felt a rough bump against his shoulder that jolted him just enough to offset the balance of the plastic bags full of Faygo bottles.

"Fuck!" he yelled quickly trying to catch them and regain their former equilibrium.

Despite flailing about like a complete fucking moron, one of the bags snapped, and all but two bottles of Faygo toppled out and onto the ground. Fury morphed the short troll's face, and he instantly whipped around to find the asshole who had bumped into him.

"Hey!" he snarled at a large troll skulking away. "Watch where you're going, fuckass!"

The strange troll stopped and turned around, a dark glare in his indigo eyes. Whatever; just because he was higher up on the hemospectrum didn't give him any right to shove bags out of an innocent troll's hands. Karkat met the glare as best he could behind Equius' stupid, broken sunglasses, and probably would have continued to do so if it weren't for the flash of his cell phone going off in his sylladex. His eyes tore away from the larger troll for just a moment to pull out the buzzing device, but when he looked back the indigo blood was gone.

Whatever, good riddance.

The nubby horned troll scoffed and looked to his cell phone to see who had messaged him; he might as well answer whoever it was before he bogged his arms up with the Faygo again.

- - gamZEE :o) sent - -

morning karbro :o)  
WHERE IS YOUR BAD SELF ALL UP AND AT?

- - Today 10:34am - -

Shouting a long stream of obscenities, Karkat kicked the bottle of Faygo closest to his foot and then bent down to quickly gather up the remaining, fizzed up ones scattered about. Of course; Gamzee was awake now and even wondering where he was. Today had started off so fucking smoothly too.

Whatever, at least the picnic shit had already been put together.

* * *

Dark orange and purple eyes shot open as Gamzee sat up, suddenly kicked from his chaotic horror terrors just as quickly as he'd been ensnared in them. His think pan was racing a mile a minute as his focus darted sporadically around the block as if searching for something important.

Calm down motherfucker.

_THE DARK CARNIVAL BROTHER!_

It was just some bad z's.

_NEVER A BAD TIME IN THAT WICKED, COLORFUL MIRTH!_

Keep your motherfucking head bro, keep it together.

Gamzee's chest rose and fell with deep but labored breaths as he fought to regain control of his thoughts. His vascular pump was pounding out some crazy loud beat inside his ribs, and he could practically feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins. Despite the jittery, rushed bout of energy jumping through him, the tall troll sat as still as he could on the sofa.

Just had to weather the storm.

_PAINT THE BEAUTIFUL MIRACLES._

Wait for it to motherfucking pass.

Slowly, bit by bit, the turbulent urges and screaming in his think pan began to subside, his eyes eventually fading back to their previous, relaxed yellow hue. The troll blinked as a lazy smile spread across his face, feeling better as the seconds brought him farther and farther away from his fitful sleep. It hadn't all been so harsh, but somewhere along the mirthful land of sleeping time he'd suddenly slipped into horror terrors.

Glancing around the block, Gamzee spent a few moments trying to locate Miracle before his attention was drawn away by a peculiar smell. It smelled kind of like chocolate, but not quite. He'd check that shit out after he said good morning to Karkat. Maybe if a motherfucker was lucky he could even all up and get some mirthful smooches in before the day got its going on.

However, the taller troll's adorable little grumpy nubs didn't seem to be in this bitch right now. Those sweet kisses were just going to have to wait until later.

It'd probably be a good idea to shoot Karkat a quick text to see where he was all up and at.

Gamzee typed out a quick message to his moirail-sprit and stuffed the device into his pocket. Last night had been all kinds of whimsy with his bro, and he couldn't wait to shower that cute motherfucker in all kinds of attention on his Wriggling Day. Then maybe afterwards they could curl up on the sofa for some post-celebration sloppy makeouts.

But again, that would have to wait till later.

Right now, he needed to figure out what the hell that smell was.

The Capricorn got up from the couch and stretched his long limbs, feeling the subtle cricks and pops of his joints springing back to life as he did so. Every morning left him feeling a bit stiff, even with the choice motherfucking comfort of the sofa cushions giving him their squishy support. One of these days, he'd have to look into some sort of better sleeping arrangement; he sure as shit wasn't going to climb into that poison cocoon again, but lying out in the open didn't seem to be a much better option.

"Meow."

The fluffy, warm body of Miracle rubbed up against the side of his leg, and Gamzee took that as his sign to pluck the cat up off the ground. His sharp claws scratched ever so gently behind the feline's ears before he settled her into the curled, bedhead mess of his hair.

… Shit, as if sleeping on that noise had made it somehow even more unruly than before.

This mane was just all kinds of wild and free bro.

Stepping out of his and Karkat's respiteblock, the troll stopped in the doorway to fully assess the busy scene that greeted him. The first to catch his eye was Terezi, still in her pajamas, who was cackling incessantly at the bartop. In front of her and running frantically about the kitchenette were John and Jade surrounded by a thick plume of smoke. The woofbeast human girl was getting her hurry on back and forth from the oven to the sink. Jokes human was rushing to all the little white motherfuckers on the ceiling and blowing smoke away from them.

Didn't those things beep if something happened?

Man, science was a miracle.

Gamzee scratched at some of the day old, dried on greasepaint smeared on his chin, wondering what kind of breakfast these motherfuckers were working on. He'd never seen human sis cook with smoke before, so it must have been something new.

"Hey bros," the tall troll said, slinking into the barstool next to Terezi. "What's the good motherfucking word? This is some wicked crazy breakfast shit."

Jade looked up suddenly from the sink, a panicked expression on her face. She looked over to John who seemed just as much at a loss for words, and he only offered an explanation by means of a quick shrug. Terezi, though, finally came through with an answer for him.

"These dumbasses cooked Karkat's cake."

Wait, what?

"No! No, it so didn't even happen like that," John said, quick to jump to their defense. "Like, okay, I put the cake somewhere super safe but then someone must have moved it! Oh, that reminds me... Terezi, did you and Dave put a picnic basket up above the refrigerator?"

"... A what?"

"John! Not now," Jade said, shoving what was left of the burnt cake down the garbage disposal. "Gamzee, we're super sorry about this; I seriously don't know how this happened. We were preheating the oven so that it'd be ready by the time we needed it, but for whatever reason Karkat's cake was inside and... well, and now..."

The Capricorn didn't answer, his think pan too preoccupied with trying to figure out what to do next. His red motherfucker's Wriggling Day was too important to have shit be all kinds of fucked up; he had to fix this.

Maybe he'd get lucky and Karkat would be out for a while?

Gamzee got up from his barstool, now feeling too anxious to just sit still. The troll paced a bit, thinking over his options. He could always try to send someone out to get another cake, but how would they get it back into the apartment-stem at this time of day without Karkat noticing?

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," Jade said, rinsing her hands clean of the cake. "Um, what about you Terezi? Would you be able to pick up a cake while Gamzee and Karkat go on their Faygo run?"

"I can't; Dave already needs me to help him set up some of his music equipment and pick up these records he ordered. He wants to use them for the party."

"I could help him set it up!" John offered.

"John, you're supposed to be helping me with the cooking."

"Besides, what would you know about Dave's fancy coolkid music?" Terezi teased.

"A lot more than someone who can't even see the equipment."

Shit, they had to have a motherfucking cake; Karkat deserved it.

The three continued arguing amongst each other when a loud 'honk' sounded from Gamzee's pocket, causing him to jump at the unexpected noise. The tall troll realized it must have been his cell phone alerting him of a new text message, and he pulled the device out to take a look.

- - KARKAT sent - -

NEVER FUCKING MIND WHERE I'M AT!  
LOOK, I'M ALREADY ON MY WAY BACK TO THE APARTMENT-STEM, I'LL BE THERE SOON.

- - Today 10:48am - -

The Capricorn began typing out a response, but before he could finish another message came through.

- - KARKAT sent - -

ALSO, GET IN THE ABLUTION TRAP AND SCRUB ALL OF THAT NASTY FACE SLUDGE AND DIRT OFF.  
YOU SMELL WORSE THAN THE FUCKING MEOWBEAST, I'M NOT TAKING YOU OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THAT.  
AND SO HELP ME GOG, IF YOU PUT BACK ON THE EXACT SAME GROSS SET OF CLOTHES I WILL FLAY YOU ALIVE WITH MY SICKLE.

- - Today 10:48am - -

Oh motherfuck.

_What now 'brother'?_

"Couldn't you guys just make a cake?"

Karkat was coming back.

_Tick, tock. Time's running out._

"That would take even longer! The last thing we need is to add _another_ item to this giant assortment of food we have to make."

The Capricorn's hands squeezed on either side of his head in frustration; it'd be a lot easier to concentrate without those motherfuckers making all that noise. His eyes shut tightly as he tried to drown them out and come up with an idea. His moirail-sprit was coming back, and if he didn't act fast, he was going to blow everything.

_Silence the unworthy._

"Well we wouldn't even need another cake if you hadn't told me to-"

"Shut your motherfucking speak holes before I rip them off your motherfucking faces!" Gamzee snarled, whipping around to face the three.

Silence instantly fell over the bickering trio, and they looked up at the tall troll with a mixture of worry and fear evident on their faces. Gamzee's glare was unwavering, and he wouldn't have been all up and surprised if his eyes had done that wicked color shifting miracle again.

"... Is everything alright out here?"

Looking back over his shoulder, the Capricorn could see Kanaya curiously staring back at him. She was, of course, already dressed for the day and looking her best, if a bit confused. Seeing her there all ready and dolled up reminded him of Karkat's message.

But it also gave him an idea.

"Bitchtits," he said, slouching closer to her to speak in a whisper. "Shit's motherfucking off the hive side right now."

"I... Beg pardon?" the glowing troll asked, her jade lips quirking slightly. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you're saying."

"Motherfucking... The cake bro. Those motherfuckers ruined Karkat's Wriggling Day cake," he tried again, trying to better explain himself. "Karbro wants me to get all up and cleaned, and he's on his way back, and we're supposed to go get the Faygo so you bros can set up, but everything's all motherfucking messy out here and-"

"Gamzee, you're going to need to calm down," Kanaya said tentatively, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. "Your eyes are getting darker, and you're frightening the others. Wouldn't it be safe to assume you'd be getting very little done if you were to slip into a rage right now?"

_Don't touch me motherfucker._

"I..." the Capricorn said, gritting his teeth as the voice in his think pan continued to hiss dark mirth at him. "... I know, I know motherfucker. I just... I'm all up and..."

"You're just worked up right now. To be honest, though, I'm not entirely sure why. You've been in more stressful situations before and maintained control. Why now?"

"Bro... This is just really motherfucking important."

The jade blooded troll was silent a moment as she appeared to be mulling this over, and she glanced from Gamzee to the three in the kitchenette still trying to clean up the mess.

"I see," she said, walking away from Gamzee. "Go get cleaned up like Karkat said, I'll take care of this mess."

"But what about the-"

"I will find a way to take care of the cake as well," she interrupted, a tone of finality in her words. "I believe an ablution would probably help soothe your think pan, and for the record, I too would like to make this a nice day for Karkat. I may have to leave Rose and the others to a majority of the decorations, but I will make sure that he has his cake. Now please, you do seem to have picked up a bit of an... odor."

Gamzee hesitated before tugging at the collar of his shirt, bringing it closer to his sniffnodes. He really didn't all up and smell what glowing sis and Karkat had been picking up on, but a think pan numbing ablution did sound pretty miraculous. So, he gave one last look towards Kanaya before taking Miracle off his head and placing her on the ground next to him.

As his cute little motherfucker had already learned, meowbeasts didn't really like ablutions.

* * *

Chapter twelve was starting to get a lot longer than the others.

Maybe she should split it up into two separate ones?

Rose tapped her chin thoughtfully, studying the word count for the latest chapter of her fanfiction. Those lilac eyes casually drifted from the word count to the time in the bottom right corner of the screen.

11:32?

Time always seemed to pass quickly when she was writing.

The Seer closed up her laptop and set it aside; if she was going to get any breakfast in before the festivities, she decided she'd better get a move on. She'd already changed into the outfit she planned to wear for the party, and she was enjoying some nice peace and quiet before she had to get to work with the decorations. From what she could gather, there was some sort of debacle with the cake, and now Kanaya was counting on her to spruce the place up while she went out to get another. Perhaps she'd go with a light breakfast this morning; she was pretty sure there were a few of Jade's muffins left.

Strolling out of her room and towards the kitchenette, Rose was greeted with a nubby horned troll standing on a counter next to several cupboard doors that had been left wide open. In his clattering about, Karkat didn't even seem to notice as she took up a spot at the bartop. More than that, the Cancer appeared to be looking for something. Perhaps it was just a hunch, but for whatever reason Rose felt that this unusual behavior also probably had something to do with Gamzee. Silently observing the strange phenomenon, the Seer waited a few more moments before finally deciding to make her presence known.

"... I give up."

A light smirk tugged at Rose's lips as Karkat suddenly flailed in surprise, and he appeared for a moment as if he were about to lose his balance. Fortunately, though, the nubby horned troll moved quickly and latched onto the refrigerator as if his life depended on it.

"Fucking warn a troll, would you?" Karkat yelled, turning to face her. "What the fuck? Why are you sneaking around here scaring people? Oh wait, I must have forgotten that I like having my vascular pump seize up at the words of some flighty broad! My bad!"

Lashing out, a typical response for someone of Karkat's psyche.

This aside, he did appear to be more on edge than usual; some further probing would be needed to fully form a theory on the matter.

"Pardon me. I'll try to 'sneak' a little less, next time," the Seer said coyly. "But if you don't mind my asking, what are you doing up on the counter?"

The short troll's mouth opened wide as if he was about to begin shouting again, but nothing came out. His hesitation might as well have been all the explanation Rose needed; he was definitely up to something in here. Reluctance to share the matter meant it was personal, and not defaulting to more yelling meant that it was important.

How curious.

"... Look, not that it's any of your fucking business," Karkat grumbled, finally releasing the fridge and climbing off of the counter. "But... Damn it, don't ask any stupid questions and don't pull any of your snarky hoofbeast shit on me. Yes or no answer only, okay? Do you think you can handle that?"

"Hmm. It'll be a bit of a challenge, but I believe I can manage."

"Fuck you. Alright, here's the thing... Have you seen a picnic basket anywhere?"

"A picnic basket?"

"See? You're already fucking this up. Yes or no. No questioning, no clarifying, you get to do none of that. None of those things. Did you see one or not?"

"I... can't say that I have," Rose said tentatively, raising a curious eyebrow.

Karkat groaned as his face dropped into his hands, likely in frustration, and Rose took this as a sign that they were probably done talking. The Seer nonchalantly got down from the barstool she'd been sitting on and strolled over to the muffin tin that had been set beside the toaster. Luckily for her, there were still three muffins left from the batch Jade had made earlier in the week. Plucking out the plumpest of the remaining confections, Rose began her return to her beckoning laptop.

"Oh... Hey Karbro," came the voice of Gamzee some distance behind her. "When all did you get back?"

The Seer tittered to herself as she entered her room and shut the door; it really was a shame that she had to get that next chapter of her fanfiction done.

It would have been interesting to see how that interaction between those two would unfold.

* * *

"I uh... just got back," Karkat said, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip. "Wow, you actually got ready."

"Honk!"

Gamzee casually glanced around the apartment-stem, taking a quick assessment of just how well Kanaya had cleaned up. For whatever reason, some of the cupboards and such were left open in the kitchenette, but other than that the place was immaculate.

He'd have to thank glowing sis later.

Right now, though, he had to get Karkat to leave with him.

The tall troll wandered over to the thermal hull, deciding that he should probably make this look as natural as possible. He could just all up and pretend he'd forgotten they were out, and then he'd have a reason to act as if he'd suddenly remembered their plans to get some more.

"So where were you anyway motherfucker?" the Capricorn said, opening the frosty machine's door.

What Gamzee saw inside there made his form go rigid.

"Jegus fuck, if you must know," Karkat grumbled, joining him in the kitchenette. "I woke up early so I went ahead and got your shitty drinks on my own. Surprise, happy fucking beverage time."

Oh shit.

Why were the mirthful messiahs throwing such mirth killing harsh at him?

Surely enough, the top shelf was fully stocked with a fresh supply of haphazardly arranged bottles of Faygo. The highblood could practically feel his vascular pump sink into his nutrition sack, and his think pan was once more faced with the question of what to do next.

"What the fucking fuck coated hell!" the shorter troll yelled suddenly.

Gamzee tore his see holes away from the inauspicious amounts of wicked elixirs in the thermal hull to see Karkat looking down at the trash can, a horrified expression on his face. Curious, the Capricorn joined his moirail-sprit in staring at the garbage to see just what he was getting so upset over. There didn't appear to be a lot of trash inside, but there definitely were a lot of sandwiches.

"Damn," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Someone's got some motherfucking spades going for these sandwiches."

The Cancer didn't share in his smiles, though, and his head was tilted down in an almost defeated manner. Gamzee frowned at this, not quite understanding why his bro seemed so upset about this.

"... You alright motherfucker?" he asked, wrapping an arm around Karkat's shoulders.

Just as quickly as it had been laid there, his arm had been thrown off and the nubby horned troll refused to meet his gaze as he stormed over to one of the barstools and scrambled up into it. Gamzee watched as his red motherfucker laid his head down on the counter and buried his face in his hands. Now more than a little confused, the tall troll didn't bother to question the strange actions but instead joined him at the bartop. His own head rested next to Karkat's, Gamzee gave him a slight nuzzle to let him know he was there.

"They were supposed to be for us," the Cancer mumbled after a few minutes, a slight wobble in his voice.

"Huh?"

"The fucking sandwiches," Karkat tried to explain, finally lifting his head off the bartop but still avoiding eye contact. "I made them for us. It was going to be a surprise. I fucking got up early and made all those shitty sandwiches so that we could go on a romantic fucking picnic together."

Those munchies... were for him?

A long smile stretched across Gamzee's face, and he wrapped both of his arms around Karkat in a gentle hug. He had no motherfucking idea that his bro had been planning such a miracle for him, and it kind of touched him right in his pump biscuit. However, one question did manage to get its speak on up in his think pan.

"Aww, motherfucker," he cooed softly. "That's all kinds of whimsy... But why?"

"It's not like it's even that big of a fucking deal," Karkat said, crossing his arms defensively. "We've just been in these two fucked up quadrants simultaneously for one whole human month and I... I kind of wanted to do something nice, okay?"

A whole human month?

Had this miracle already gotten its settle on for that motherfucking long?

Gamzee quietly thought on this for a few minutes, trying to remember exactly how many days had passed since that time when his bro had found him losing his motherfucking shit in the woods. Man, he supposed it had been a whole mirthful human month ago since their crazy quadrant got all kicked up.

"Shit, there you up and go again," the tall troll said. "Being all motherfucking cute as hell."

"Fuck off, I'm not cute," Karkat protested, finally shrugging Gamzee's arms off. "There's nothing cute about screwing up something as simple as a fucking surprise picnic."

"Now don't go getting all motherfucking salty on your Wriggling Day."

"What the hell are you going on about..."

Things were already messed up; might as well come clean with his invertebrother.

"Karbro... I had Rose look into some wicked shit, and today's when this motherfucking planet's calendar all up and aligns with your Wriggling Day."

The nubby horned troll looked at him with a bit of bored disbelief and straightened up in his chair. Gamzee couldn't really blame him for being a bit skeptical; he really hadn't let a motherfucker know to keep it a surprise.

"True shit my brother," he insisted. "And you know what? I planned a secret miracle for you too. A whole motherfucking party... We even had a chocolate cake, but it kind of up and got its move on to the oven for some reason."

"... Oh gog, I even fuck up other people's plans," Karkat said with a facepalm. "Jegus... I moved the cake there this morning so that I could hide the picnic basket from you."

"Really?"

"No fuckass, I just have an insanely messed up sense of humor. Yes really! Fucking hell... I'm sorry Gamzee. I didn't mean to-"

Cutting off Karkat with a quick kiss, the highblood couldn't stifle his chuckling as the shorter troll immediately pushed him off and looked around to make sure no one had seen.

"Really? We're in the middle of the fucking apartment-stem! Anyone could have seen that," the Cancer hissed. "Fine, we're good. Whatever, just get off."

Despite the nubby horned troll's protesting, Gamzee wrapped his long arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug once more. Karkat tried to squirm and wriggle away, to little avail, but he eventually gave up and relaxed into the Capricorn's hold.

"So... now what? All of these idiots are expecting to have some sort of shitty party for me in a while?"

"Honk! That's the plan bro... but it probably won't be much of a motherfucking surprise anymore."

"Oh, you fucking think so?" Karkat sighed, resting his head against Gamzee's chest in defeat. "I guess I have no gogdamn choice then... But tomorrow we're going on that fucking picnic. I'm going to remake all of those sandwiches and force whichever idiot threw them away to help me."

"Can I help too, motherfucker?"

"What? Sure, knock yourself out, fuckass."

"... And bro?"

"Seriously? I haven't spontaneously left the conversation Gamzee. What is it?"

"Flushed for you."

"... Flushed for you too."


	35. P1CN1C

P1CN1C

Alone in the secluded secrecy of the woods, two trolls did their best to navigate through the gnarled, bunched together thickets of brush and trees. It was getting close to midday, and the sun was being uncharacteristically modest in hiding the worst of its heat and shine behind the scarcity of clouds overhead. This being the case, the weather was mildly pleasant and carried with it the slightest hint of a breeze to rustle some of the trees' higher up branches. All of this mattered very little to Karkat, though, who was much more preoccupied with trying to find the clearing that he and Gamzee had begun their matespritship in.

Sure, an hour ago it had been fucking beautiful and perfect.

But now this all just appeared to be mocking him with the denial of actually getting to start their gogdamn picnic.

The nubby horned troll trekked up to the top of one of the nearby hills, taking stock of the surrounding foliage as if it might afford some answers. However, the soft rustling of several leaves and a few chirrups from some unseen insects were his only clues, and they were pretty fucking useless.

"Damn it, where the hell is this place?" he growled, shifting the picnic basket's weight to his other arm. "It wasn't nearly this fucking hard to find you when you were all murder happy a month ago."

"Honk!" Gamzee answered, joining him up at the top of the hill.

The taller troll had taken on the task of carrying the fluffy blanket Karkat had purchased specifically for this outing. The Cancer was beginning to regret opting instead for the picnic basket; as the minutes ticked by, its weight seemed to increase as if some invisible asshole was continuously filling it up with rocks. Seeing as John had been the one to help him remake all of the sandwiches, though, he really wouldn't have been all that surprised if that had somehow been managed by means of yet another shitty prank. Karkat recalled with a bit of a scowl how livid he'd been when that bucktoothed imbecile had finally fessed up to disassembling his first picnic basket.

"_Yeah, we almost didn't have a cake for you," John said, cutting himself another slice of the chocolatey subject of their conversation. "Someone put a weird picnic basket there and put the cake in the oven. I have to admit, after seeing the end result of things I've decided that it was actually a pretty hilarious prank!"_

"_Oh really?" Karkat said through gritted teeth. "And just what the fuck did you do after you found this picnic basket?"_

"_Well I took a bite of one of the sandwiches inside, but it didn't taste very good so I kind of thought they were rotten..."_

"_Of course. Of course you were the fucking idiot to throw all of them away."_

"_... Wait, what?" John asked before a rare understanding dawned across his features. "Oh man Karkat! I'm so sorry, were those your sandwiches? Then that really was that weird troll juice on that one."_

"_Jegus fuck! You even remembered that there's a condiment that we would use on something like sandwiches that you humans are too underdeveloped to appreciate? And you still fucking threw them away? You are the biggest dipshit on the face of the planet, John Egbert. If your intelligence were a grub I'd cull it on the spot to save it the nightmare of having to grow up into the dumbfuck of a think pan that you have today."_

"_Haha... Okay, that was actually a pretty sweet burn. But seriously, why did you have a picnic basket up there?"_

"_That's none of your fucking business! Next time don't just take it upon yourself to throw away someone's property you ignoramus! And you're helping me remake all of those gogdamn sandwiches!"_

Even after all of that, Egbert had still insisted on asking him why they were making the sandwiches the entire fucking time they were in the kitchenette. It had been the most painful thirty minutes of Karkat's existence, and he had absconded the fuck out of there as soon as they were done.

Long before they'd gotten to make the shit ton of sandwiches, though, the ridiculous concept of a Wriggling Day celebration had been filled with its own adventures.

"_Man, these are some delirious biznasty beats I'm throwing down over here," Dave said behind his mountain of DJ equipment. "There should totally be some sort of rap off; birthday troll and-"_

"_Let me stop you right there. This isn't happening," Karkat snapped, walking away from him._

"_You have to pin the tail on the donkey!" Jade said excitedly._

"_But dog-sis, I don't even all up and motherfucking see where that bro's at."_

"_Seriously Gamzee?" Karkat said with a sigh. "That's literally the entire fucking point of the game!"_

"_What's the matter Karkles? Afraid you'll get beaten by a girl?" Terezi snickered, pointing her bottle of Faygo at him._

"_What a load of musclebeast shit, like you'd even stand a chance beating me in this stupid competition or any other," the nubby horned troll replied, quick to his own defense as he lifted up one of the unclaimed bottles of Faygo that had been set up on the table. "And it's totally not like I maybe don't want to fucking down this shitty ass clown drink just to prove that, oh hey! Guess what? I can drink this bottle of swill faster than you can!"_

"_Why not put your boondollars where your mouth is then? Unless you're too much of a... Cluckbeast."_

"_... Let's just fucking get this over with. You're going down Pyrope!"_

Karkat's nutrition sack grumbled in protest of that last memory, and the short troll tried his best to forget how disgusting the drink had tasted. To make matters worse, he'd ended up chugging that entire bottle of Faygo for nothing; Terezi had still won out in the end.

"What about you?" the Cancer asked, looking from his surroundings to the tall troll standing at his side. "Any of this ringing a psychotic, murder-rage bell?"

Gamzee scratched the back of his head at the question, glancing about as if trying to discern the answer from the landscape. Today his hair was pulled back into a sort of messy ponytail, and Karkat had to admit that he really looked the part of a somewhat decent gentle-troll without his tangled gnarl of a mop trying to escape in every which direction. Other than that, what he was wearing wasn't all that different from what he usually wore, save for the fact that the Capricorn had made sure it was both clean and wrinkle-free.

"Shit, I don't really got my remembering going about that Karbro," Gamzee confessed after a few long minutes studying from atop Karkat's hill. "That was some crazy motherfucking time ago... and I hadn't really been wrapping my think pan up in the notion of finding that wicked harshwhimsy again."

"So you're clueless too? Color me fucking surprised. Okay well... let's try going this way."

Before the short troll could begin marching off once more, though, he suddenly felt his free hand being gently scooped up into Gamzee's own. Karkat stopped at the unexpected sensation, and his attention turned back to his moirail-sprit for an answer.

"... Well, since this is our motherfucking anniversary celebration mirth," the tall troll said in an unusually soft voice, purple eyes sheepishly avoiding the nubby horned troll. "I was thinking that maybe... we could do the whole... motherfucking... I mean, If you don't all up and mind..."

"... Fine, but don't get used to this," Karkat insisted, turning away from the Capricorn to hide his blush. "It's just because of today... and because it's special, or whatever..."

The shorter troll didn't have to look back to know Gamzee was smiling that big, doofy smile of his, and he could feel a slight tug at the corner of the taut line of his own lips. For someone as terrifying and unstable as he was, Gamzee picked the weirdest shit to be fixated on. This hand holding thing seemed to be really important to him, and Karkat had long since given up trying to find a viable explanation for it.

So, he'd eventually concluded that it didn't need to be explained.

Ever so casually, the Cancer laced his short fingers in between the much longer, slender digits of his moirail-sprit. He felt Gamzee give his hand a light squeeze and with that he began leading the way once more.

Thinking that maybe he'd delved too far into the heart of the woods, Karkat slowly worked a bit closer to where the forest edge met the park that still held Gamzee's murder mural. This was a sight the Cancer hoped to avoid, of course, but that had been where he'd entered the woods so maybe the area would look more familiar there. The short troll really hadn't gotten that far into this new strategy when they'd suddenly come across fifteen awkwardly shaped holes in the ground.

"What the fuck's with these holes?" he asked, poking curiously at the one nearest him with his foot. "Did you do this?"

Gamzee didn't answer right away, and one glance up to his passive expression gave Karkat all the answers he needed. More of the Capricorn's handiwork wasn't exactly what he'd been hoping to find, but maybe if he were lucky it'd jog the tall troll's think pan.

It was just as good; this picnic basket probably weighed close to a million pounds by now.

"Oh shit!" Gamzee said at once, capturing Karkat's attention right as it had begun to drift to how sweaty his hand was starting to feel. "I know where we are. Don't worry bro, I got this."

"Finally," was all the nubby horned troll could manage in response as the Capricorn took the lead.

Surely enough, after a few minutes of practically running to keep up with Gamzee's long strides, they emptied out into the same clearing they'd confessed their flushed feelings to each other in. Strangely enough, the place appeared to be largely unchanged; all of its surrounding trees and rocks were exactly as Karkat had remembered them. He also silently commended his judgment on the fact that, once you took away the terror of running into an insane highblood on a murderous rampage, this place was actually pretty much perfect for a picnic.

"Thank gog. Let's get this shit set up and eat already, I'm fucking starving," the short troll said, wriggling his hand free from Gamzee's.

The taller troll was right on track with his words, and in no time the big, fluffy blanket was spread out across the ground. Karkat unceremoniously plopped the picnic basket down in the middle and then took a few moments to just lay out and bask in this little victory. It had taken the better part of the morning, but at least now they could finally have their picnic. Just in time too; the Cancer wasn't sure how much longer he would have been able to wait for those sandwiches.

Speaking of...

Karkat sat up once more, remembering his former eagerness to stuff something down his protein chute. His nutrition sack had already begun its complaints with some very noticeable hunger pains, and he wasn't about to hold it off any longer. Gamzee shared his sentiments, apparently, as he was already freeing one of the sandwiches from its bag.

"... Do you even know what kind of sandwich that is?"

"... Honk," the tall troll shrugged, taking a bite out of it.

"Idiot," Karkat said to himself, digging through the basket to find one of the ham, cheese and grub sauce sandwiches. With a bit of hesitation, he then tentatively asked, "Is it... um, how does it taste?"

The short troll watched as Gamzee thoughtfully chewed his food, quietly hoping that the sandwiches had turned out alright. After making all of them twice, it would have really fucking sucked if they ended up being disgusting.

"Motherfucking yum," the Capricorn said with a smile, taking another large bite.

Karkat let out a soft breath and finally located the correct sandwich in the picnic basket. It took a bit of effort with the ridiculous amounts of Faygo that Gamzee had insisted on bringing, but he'd decided that they were probably going to be the tastiest.

The two sat there in silence for a few moments, each munching on their own sandwiches in the peaceful quiet of the clearing. Karkat shifted a bit, propping his knees up closer to his face so that he resembled a sort of lumpy ball, whereas Gamzee was eventually so stretched out that he took up a fairly large portion of their blanket.

At some point or another, the Cancer was going to have to work up the nerve to give Gamzee his present.

Especially after what the Capricorn had given him once the Wriggling Day party had ended.

"_Well that was exhausting," Karkat said, making his way to the ablution block. "But I guess as far as exhausting experiences go... that wasn't completely horrible."_

"_Hold up a sec bro," Gamzee said, digging through his horn pile. "I got you something."_

_ The Cancer stopped and looked over to his moirail-sprit with a mixture of skepticism and curiosity. He'd gotten several presents from the other assholes in the apartment-stem earlier, mostly romcoms and different programming manuals, and he wondered why Gamzee hadn't give him whatever it was then._

"_Alright, but hurry the fuck up," the short troll grumbled, unsuccessfully trying to cover up his interest in what the Capricorn was pulling out._

"_Happy Wriggling day motherfucker," Gamzee said, handing him a rectangular box concealed in what appeared to be a variety of different colored wrapping paper._

_ At first, Karkat assumed that it was probably another romcom, and he tore into it with an unabashed bout of eagerness because, after all, one couldn't really have too many. Once all of the wrapping paper had been clawed away, though, it turned out to be something else entirely._

"_It's... Crabdad," he murmured incredulously._

_ More specifically, it was a painting of Crabdad as he was when he was a kernelsprite. The detailing on it was more than Karkat could have ever thought possible; it really almost looked as if Gamzee had somehow managed to stuff his lusus into the canvas._

"_I tried my best to get my remembering on to how he looked," the taller troll said, looking a bit anxious after a few seconds of the nubby horned troll's silence. "But it was a long motherfucking time ago... If you don't like it I could try ag-"_

_ Karkat cut him off with one sharp pull on his collar, bringing him low enough so that their lips could meet in a long, loving kiss. Gamzee didn't quite have time to recover from this sudden reaction before the Cancer broke away, instead wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace._

"_... It's perfect," Karkat said, trying to fight back the droplets of red forming in the corners of his eyes. "It's fucking perfect."_

_ The Capricorn returned his hug with an equaled might and nuzzled into his hair. This painting was the best of all of the presents Karkat had received, and he understood now why Gamzee had wanted to give it to him in private._

"_... Shit, did you all up and have to stand on your tiptoes to do that, Karbro?"_

"_Shut the fuck up."_

Karkat briefly glanced over to Gamzee as he recalled the painting; it was now hanging up on the wall above his husktop. In comparison, he'd concluded that his anniversary present wasn't nearly as wonderful or thoughtful and he had half-contemplated just throwing it out. He'd put a lot of work into it, though, and in the end he just couldn't bring himself to pitch it.

"Man... a whole motherfucking month," Gamzee said, finishing off the last bite of his third sandwich. "Has the mirth really carried time that fast bro? It feels like it was just yesterday that we were here enjoying our first round of sloppy makeouts."

"Enjoying? Yeah, because I always enjoy my intimate moments with my matesprit best when I'm being shoved up against a tree," Karkat scoffed. "But... I guess it has gone by kind of fast."

"... Bro, I've been meaning to ask you something," the Capricorn said, sitting up and looking the shorter troll in the eyes. "About our quadrants... and shit."

"Oh... what about them?"

Gamzee's grin spread wide, then, and he laid back down as if he hadn't ever asked a question in the first place.

"... Hey! Chucklefuck," Karkat snapped, scooting a bit closer to poke one of the taller troll's legs. "I said what about them? Did you already forget that quickly that you'd just wanted to ask me something?"

"You said them," Gamzee replied simply. "And that answered my motherfucking question, bro."

It took Karkat a moment to realize just what the fuck the Capricorn was trying to say, and he felt like a complete imbecile when he finally got it. Gamzee was wondering the same thing he'd been contemplating himself; whether or not they were still moirails too.

"Well... let's just say I don't really fucking believe that any other troll would put up with your bullshit," he defended, turning his back on the troll as a blush crept up into his cheeks. "That's all."

"Honk!"

The nubby horned troll suddenly felt two arms wrap around him, pulling him backwards and into the lap of his moirail-sprit. He tensed at first, but soon relaxed into the familiar, comforting hold. Hesitantly, he allowed his own arms to rest gently on Gamzee's around his waist. There was something pleasantly nonthreatening about this position; he didn't have to try and look the taller troll in the face with some sort of facade that he wasn't at all nervous when things started getting physical between them. Leaning his head back to rest against Gamzee's chest, Karkat took to staring up at the clouds drifting by.

"Whoa, that cloud kind of looks like Miracle."

Apparently he wasn't the only one watching the sky.

Normally Karkat would have had some snarky remark at his disposal; something about how none of the clouds looked like Miracle and that even if they did there wouldn't be any specifications to tell their meowbeast apart from any other generic cloud meowbeast. When it came down to it, though, the light vibrations that hummed through the Capricorn's chest as he spoke felt very soothing as Karkat sat there, and so he said nothing. Instead, his claws took to absentmindedly stroking up and down Gamzee's forearms, enjoying the light sensations as they traced along the taller troll's skin.

"... I used to do that back on Alternia," the highblood spoke again. "Motherfucking... see shapes in the sky while I waited for goatdad to come back."

Karkat didn't say anything for a few minutes as he tried to think of an appropriate response. It hadn't been much of a secret how lousy Gamzee's upbringing had been, but despite this the taller troll really seemed to regard his lusus fondly. Crabdad had always been a bit of a pain in the ass to deal with every day, but at least he'd always been there for Karkat.

"Didn't you ever get... pissed off at him?" the nubby horned troll finally ventured. "I mean, wasn't he always gone for fucking ever?"

"Yeah... I guess some days it wasn't all motherfucking mirth. A troll gets all kinds of lonely when he's only got his own bitchtits self to chill with," Gamzee mused. "But I wasn't _always _alone... I had wicked bros like my best motherfucking friend here to keep my whimsy flowing."

"As if I even needed a think pan aching reminder of that. 'Hey best friend!' 'Karbro!' 'Oh shit, my best motherfucking friend!', messaging me twenty times one minute and then zoning the fuck out when I finally responded."

The Capricorn laughed at the memory and the shorter troll soon joined in; things had been so much simpler back then. They were all just a group of loser friends wasting their days away on the internet and trying to figure out their lives; growing up with each others help.

Back when there had been twelve of them.

Karkat's smile dwindled as he recalled their diminished number of friends. Out of all twelve of them, only a third were left. The deaths of two of their friends rested solely on Gamzee's shoulders and while Karkat had long since made peace with the matter, he couldn't help but wonder if Nepeta and Equius ever crossed his moirail-sprit's think pan. It had already been so long ago that they'd all been playing SGRUB and dealing with all of that paradox space bullshit, but at times it felt like it was just yesterday. Hell, the Cancer still even got horrorterrors from the memories.

"... Bro?" Gamzee said, pulling Karkat back from his thoughts.

"What?"

"... I know this whole... motherfucking quadrant noise is all kinds of wicked confusing and shit," the tall troll said, pulling him closer. "And we're just to be going with the mirthful motherfucking flow right now but... I got this question tugging its ask at my think pan."

The nubby horned troll was about to roll off some snarky remark telling Gamzee to get to the point, but it seemed that whatever this question was it made the taller troll nervous. It'd probably be best to just keep his mouth shut for a few minutes while the other thought through what he was trying to say.

"I was just wondering if this thing," Gamzee said after a few minutes. "You and me, are we... Like, are we to be keeping this motherfucking miracle in the dark for all times?"

Since they were having this anniversary date turned feelings jam, Karkat figured he probably should have seen that question coming.

"... It's not that I want to just keep this a secret forever," he confessed, shifting some. "It's just that... with how much we've been through and how strange this duel quadrant relationship is, I think it'd be best to keep things quiet, at least for a while longer. Besides, it's not really any of those idiots business what's going on in our romantic lives. That shit should be private."

"But... it won't be a secret forever, right?"

"... Jegus, what the fuck did I just say?" the short troll grumbled. "No, it won't be."

"Promise?"

"Damn it, why do you care so much about this anyway?" Karkat snapped, craning his neck up to look at Gamzee. "Do you have some idiotic desire to tell everyone on the fucking planet that we're together that I don't know about? Is that what this is?"

"Honk!" the taller troll said with a bit of a chuckle. "Maybe... I just want to be all motherfucking holding you and shit without worrying about them eyes."

How the hell could anyone be this direct?

Karkat shook his head with a soft sigh, and it was answered by means of a series of gentle kisses in his hair. A light fall breeze suddenly blew through, making him shiver and wrap Gamzee's arms tighter around him.

"Getting chilly bro?" the Capricorn asked.

"No, I just love trembling like some frightened wiggler as the culling drones pass by."

"Motherfucking wee!"

Gamzee suddenly lurched back, taking Karkat with him.

"What the fuck!" the nubby horned troll yelled, scrambling to try and sit back up. "Knock it off, let go!"

"Honk honk!"

Gamzee's firm grasp kept him from escaping, and the best Karkat could manage was an awkward roll over so that he was now laying on his stomach. He didn't really have much time to adjust to this new position either, though, because then the Capricorn turned them both over with a less than graceful flop. Now sandwiched between the fluffy picnic blanket and a moronic clowny asshole, Karkat glared daggers up at his moirail-sprit.

"... Are we quite fucking done with imitating a shitty human cake in a pan?" he seethed.

"Just trying to warm a motherfucker up," Gamzee replied with that ever lingering smile of his.

"Oh yeah, because I'm so much more comfortable being crushed under your giant ass. I'm the luckiest troll on the fucking planet."

Despite his complaining, this shifted position did seem to do the trick; Karkat was a great deal of things right now, but cold wasn't one of them. Avoiding eye contact with the troll on top of him, the Cancer tentatively wriggled his arms out just enough to half-assedly wind them around Gamzee's waist.

"Aww, you want to motherfucking cuddle bro?" the taller troll teased, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

"Shut up."

The warm sensation of Gamzee's breath on his neck was accented with some light kisses, and Karkat hugged the taller troll tighter to him. His masked, green eyes glanced hesitantly to his moirail-sprit's long, curved horns. Gamzee had played with his nubby horns a number of times now, but Karkat had yet to get up the courage to return the gesture. He wanted to, if he were being honest with himself, and it would probably be nice to be the one causing the clicks and purrs for once instead of just gushing them forth like some two boonbuck whore. Not only that, but he wanted Gamzee to know that this wasn't merely some shitty dance of one sided affection; he was as caught in the throes of these flushed feelings as the Capricorn was. Sometimes, he wondered if Gamzee didn't know that and it made him feel like an even worse romantic partner than he probably already was. Self loathing aside, though, whenever things would get intimate between them, Karkat always ended up deciding against touching the taller troll's horns for one barely justifiable reason or another.

At the end of it all, the bottom line was that he was afraid.

Gamzee had already gotten a bit aggressive before when their affections got too heated, what if additional stimulation made him lose control?

The taller troll lazily trailed kisses from Karkat's neck to his ear, his sharp teeth nibbling ever so delicately at the lobe. Clicking softly in response, the Cancer slid his hands up Gamzee's back, stopping once they were buried into the messy curls of his hair. His claws scratched lovingly at the unruly black nest, and he heard the troll on top of him give a quiet but reassuring purr. As if to further encourage him, Gamzee abandoned the lobe of his ear to instead lick at its outer shell.

Though the nubby horned troll was a little too preoccupied to notice the soft red coloring in his face, there was no ignoring that familiar sensation of warmth washing over him. It was a kind of warmth that spread through him like wildfire, but left him unscathed; a warmth reserved specially for these rare moments alone with his moirail-sprit. Warily, as if a simple glance could make the other snap, his eyes stole another cautious look at the Capricorn's horns. Now more than ever, he wanted to just slip his fingers around them and watch the taller troll melt the same way he always did.

But could he really trust Gamzee to keep control?

… Well, there was only one way to find out.

Freeing his fingers from the tangles of the Capricorn's hair, Karkat slowly shifted his hands to rest near the bases of Gamzee's horns. As gently as he could, then, he squeezed the one on the right between his thumb and forefinger. An audible grunt came from the taller troll, and Karkat held his breath as he felt him stiffen. The seconds that passed felt like decades before Gamzee pulled away from his ear to look him straight in the eyes. Karkat swallowed nervously, looking away and now feeling more than a little self-conscious.

This eye contact bullshit wasn't making things any less awkward.

The Capricorn finally leaned down to claim him in a deep kiss, his tongue slipping eagerly between the part of Karkat's lips. Releasing the breath he'd been holding, the nubby horned troll relaxed into the soft 'smacks' of their sloppy makeouts. His hands grew bolder at how well that had been received, and he relished in the rare sound of Gamzee clicking as his fingers firmly squeezed around the base of the taller troll's horns.

Their kisses became rougher, increasing both in passion and intensity as Karkat explored the lengths of his moirail-sprit's horns. He used his grip on them to pull Gamzee closer until their bodies were all but completely flushed against each other. Somewhere that wasn't his teeth and lips fighting for the upper hand on the Capricorn, Karkat was vaguely aware of the taller troll's hands still on his waist. The warm sensations that had previously been circulating through Karkat's entire body were slowly beginning to pool together, and it took him a few moments to realize that this warmth was also concentrating on a much lower region. In fact, it was only when he felt something hard and uncomfortable digging into his thigh that he even thought to notice such a fact.

It almost felt like something was in his pocket...

Shit! Gamzee's present.

Karkat broke away from their string of kisses, awkwardly shimmying to reach into his pocket and pull out his anniversary present for the Capricorn. Gamzee watched him curiously, doing a surprisingly good job at keeping himself under control as far as the nubby horned troll could tell.

"Here, happy one month whatever," he grumbled, hastily extending the small, wrapped up present to the other.

Gamzee climbed off of Karkat, sitting up to examine the gift that fit neatly into the palm of his hand. The Cancer sat up as well, sparing a quick peak down to his pants to make sure his bulge had decided to stay put this time. His attention span then turned to Gamzee as he watched him peel the wrapping paper off his present. It wasn't nearly as amazing as what the tall troll had gotten him, but Karkat had really worked hard on it and he just hoped that he wouldn't hate it. Nervously gnawing at his bottom lip, the short troll waited patiently as Gamzee pulled out the chain with the pendant he'd made on it. The chain itself wasn't anything special, not much different than just a simple metal necklace of medium length.

The pendant on it, though, was something Karkat had spent all week working on.

It was a purple and gray pendant with both of their symbols fused together in the middle, joined by a circle that they were both sharing. The sleek, smooth shape itself had been a bitch enough to make, after all Karkat wasn't exactly an art genius or whatever, but he also had to go to the classroom outside of his regular school hours so Gamzee wouldn't see it.

He didn't even want to think about how much of a bitch it had been to paint.

Art was stupid.

"Karbro," the Capricorn said finally. "This thing is so motherfucking mirthful... Did you all up and make this by yourself?"

Oh thank gog, he liked it.

"Yeah, but... It's not that big a deal or anything," he murmured, trying to hide a sheepish smile. "... I'm glad you like it."

"I love it motherfucker," the tall troll said, putting the necklace on. "I'm never going to let this little miracle go. For all times of whimsy and woe, I'm keeping this close to my vascular pump forever... Thanks."

Karkat closed the gap between them once more, responding with a gentle kiss for his moirail-sprit. Now that that was out of the way, they could go back to enjoying what was left of their picnic.

* * *

Two sharp knocks sounded on the door to Terezi's respiteblock, a block that was currently occupied solely by Kanaya; at this time of day, the blind troll was usually off somewhere with her matesprit.

"Come in," she called, setting aside the skirt she'd been patching up.

Gamzee poked his head into the block, and he wasted little time both in entering and closing the door behind him. His usual smile was gone, and he instead almost appeared to be worried about something.

"Hey bitchtits," he greeted quickly.

"Hello there Gamzee," the Virgo responded, tilting her head curiously. "Is something wrong? Did the anniversary picnic not go as well as planned?"

"Huh? Oh, no not any motherfucking thing like that sis. But... I do have a question to be asking at your think pan."

"Alright, well I shall see what I can do to answer it then, I suppose, assuming it is within my realm of knowledge to offer up."

"... You all up and remember when uh... I had that motherfucking... episode?"

"... When you killed two of our friends on the meteor or when you killed those fifteen trolls in this city?"

"Um... The second one."

"I do believe I have some vague recollection of that," Kanaya said, silently proud of herself for her mastery over the art of human sarcasm. "What about it?"

"You told me later that you had found those uh... heads that I went up and buried?"

"Indeed, a less than fortuitous discover on my part, I'm afraid."

"Well, when you saw it... Were they just like to being fifteen holes in the ground, or were the heads still in them?"

"What a silly thing to ask. Of course they were still there; Gamzee, who on earth would go and dig up such morbid and unpleasant things?"

"... That's all up and what I was getting my wonder about too."


	36. music and MIRTH

**A/N: Oh my glub, this took way too fucking long to get out. x_x My only excuse is that finals happened. They done now though, so we should be back on track. Well, not really... Actually, we're going to be better than back on track. +_+**

**********AS A THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR PATIENCE AND CONTINUED SUPPORT OF LOHAT, ONCE PER DAY EVERY DAY UNTIL CHRISTMAS THERE IS GOING TO BE A CHAPTER UPDATE**********

**You guys are awesome. x) Thank you so much for all of your feedback and patience.**

**Enjoy chapter 36, chapter 37 will be up later today (since it's like, past midnight my time... WHATEVER, STILL COUNTING IT AS MONDAY.)**

music and MIRTH

There was no time to procrastinate any further.

It was time for some answers once and for all.

Kanaya pulled the two strings into a tight bow on her combat boots, giving a slight nod at her ability to blend both practicality and style together with this particular pair of footwear. Normally, she'd sport something a bit less sensible and a bit more fashion-minded, but this mission would require a more functional attire.

And a chainsaw.

The rainbow drinker stood up to examine herself in the mirror, checking for probably the fifth time to make sure she had her weapon at the ready in her strife specibus. Just as with all the other times, her chainsaw lipstick was waiting, should the need arise.

Kanaya was done waiting and wondering about those strange trolls that she was now beginning to see on a daily basis. The picture being painted by her latest discoveries only added to her growing concern. If Gamzee had been telling the truth, that someone other than himself had dug up the heads of his victims, then she couldn't afford to drag her heels and wait on evidence. She was going to go hunting; first for answers and then possibly for highbloods. In all honesty, she wasn't sure if she wanted to invite their wrath by mindlessly slaughtering them, so she'd just have to settle for trying to both capture and interrogate one of them instead.

Satisfied that she was ready to go, the Virgo made her way to the door. As she went to exit, though, she was startled to find Rose waiting just outside. The human looked equally taken aback and appeared as if she'd been about to knock.

"... Can I assume that you wouldn't be up for a run to the bookstore, then?" the Seer teased with a subtle smirk.

"Yes, well," Kanaya said, folding her hands nervously as she tried to come up with an explanation. "I... was just heading out. There are some things I need to attend to."

"So it would seem," Rose said back, looking over her outfit. "And these things, they require one to don themselves in cargo pants and combat boots?"

The rainbow drinker was at a loss for an answer for her unusual attire, and she sheepishly averted her gaze from the human's curious eyes. It wasn't that she didn't trust Rose with the information, she just didn't want to put her in harms way with such dangerous knowledge. In addition to that, Kanaya didn't want word to get back to Karkat if these trolls ended up being the very highbloods they'd been expecting since she'd returned. This was a matter best kept private, and even if it wasn't, she believed the news would probably sound better coming from her.

"I... erm... Rose, to be perfectly honest, I'd rather not discuss the specifics of my current wardrobe."

"Fair enough. How about, 'where exactly could you be going'?"

"... Any chance we might avoid that conversation topic as well?"

At this, Rose quirked an eyebrow in that cute way she did to show she was interested in something. Kanaya's think pan wandered briefly to the idea of visiting and discussing various bits of literary interest with the human, as if this rift had never grown between them. How she longed to laugh and carelessly enjoy Rose's company as she used to.

"Pardon my prying," the Seer said, brushing a few strands of blonde hair behind her ear. "But could this have anything to do with those large trolls you seem obsessed with lately?"

The Virgo sighed before giving a slight, defeated nod; how did she always know these things?

"I figured as much," Rose replied. "Ever since you went after that one from the convenience store, I've noticed you pay special attention to them. What do you think they're up to?"

"Please, I hope that you will not consider this to be, well, inconsiderate on my part," Kanaya tried, hoping to end the matter. "But I do believe it would be best if I don't enlighten you on the depths of danger we are currently immersed in with their presence."

"... So, they're dangerous then?"

Damn.

Said too much again.

"I... Please, Rose I must be going," Kanaya said, trying to hide her fluster as she hurried past.

"Come now, surely we're beyond this point?" the Seer answered, following her. "Besides, wouldn't it be nice to have some help in this little... endeavor?"

The glowing troll made it all the way to the front door before stopping to consider Rose's proposition. While going it alone would keep everyone out of harm's way, having someone with such unique intuition would speed things up. However, if she allowed the human to help, she'd then risk endangering her.

Maybe if she pointed this out?

"... It wouldn't be safe," she offered, as if she honestly believed this would deter the girl.

"And this should make me feel better about you going off by yourself?"

With a soft sigh, Kanaya conceded with a shrug; she was clearly going to be the loser in this battle. Still, it wasn't safe to talk here, and if they were going to make any progress, it'd be best to stop dilly-dallying.

"Alright... Grab your coat, I'll tell you on the way."

* * *

Twiddling the pendant between his fingers, Gamzee stared down lovingly at his necklace from Karkat. It was just so perfect, and the fact that his bro had made it just for him made it all that much more special.

The Capricorn was currently waiting outside of the shorter troll's class, casually leaning against its smooth brick wall. His own class had been canceled for the day, and he now had nothing better to do than wait for Karkat to get out. Anticipation was starting to get the best of him, though, and he had already sent the nubby horned troll six text messages in the time he'd been waiting.

Maybe they could go see a movie together!

They could get popcorn, and hold hands, and maybe makeout, and-

_Pail._

Gamzee felt that twinge in the back of his think pan again, and he tried to shake the thought off; nowadays, it was getting harder and harder to do so. Karkat was usually all kinds of patient and shit with him, but sometimes it just got to be feeling like too much. More than once, they'd gotten some wicked snuggles going only for the mirth to be ruined with Gamzee trying to go for Karkat's leg slits or carelessly sliding his hand down to rub his ass.

It happened more times than it should, and the taller troll knew he was beginning to slip up more frequently.

Gamzee couldn't help it; all he could think about was his adorable little motherfucker and how much he wanted to do with him. Visions of Karkat submitting beneath him or mewling with pleasure plagued the highblood's mind with the sweetest of dreams, and he longed to bring them to fruition. Hell, he was kind of surprised their ablution trap hadn't begun taking on a sort of purplish hue with how much he'd been relieving himself these days.

He needed to find something to distract himself, or he was going to end up losing control.

The necklace was tucked lazily back under Gamzee's shirt collar and his eyes shifted to watching the clouds drift by overhead. It was a pretty mild afternoon, if a bit chilly, and it felt nice to just be outside like this. Nothing much was going on, save for the occasional student or professor scurrying by, and the air was fresh with the dry, subtle scents of autumn. Once more, the tall troll found himself longing for his moirail-sprit's companionship in this pleasant lull.

Suddenly, a strange noise could be heard somewhere off in the distance, and Gamzee tore his attention from the sky to his surroundings to try and discern its origin. There didn't appear to be anything new around, though, and the highblood was perplexed with an innate curiosity as he listened. It was a warm, pleasant sound that seemed to carry with it a gentle tune in its notes.

The lilting harmony drew Gamzee in, captivating him with its foreign yet mesmerizing sound. Before he knew it, he was wandering away from Karkat's classroom and instead closer to the music. All previous anxiety over waiting for the other left him as his sole purpose boiled down simply to finding out what was making this noise.

After a bit of walking, the Capricorn eventually came upon a scruffy looking human holding a strange wooden instrument with strings stretched across it. The music seemed to be coming from here, and Gamzee couldn't help but stare in wonderment.

It was some sort of beautiful miracle.

Each string seemed to make its own sound, and when different strings were touched at the same time they made different sounds. Purple and yellow eyes fixated on this phenomenon, and the tall troll's mouth pulled into a long grin that all but split his face in half. The human didn't seem to notice him, his own attention stuck on his instrument, and continued to play on as if he wasn't even there.

One tune after another, Gamzee honestly couldn't have said how long he just stood there smiling and listening to this stranger play. He probably would have stood there all day were it not for the text message that chimed in his pocket about thirty minutes later. Pulling his cell phone out, the Capricorn nonchalantly read over his message.

- - KARKAT sent - -

SERIOUSLY GAMZEE?  
YOU MESSAGE ME EVERY FIVE SECONDS WHEN I'M IN CLASS, BUT WHEN I FINALLY GET OUT HEY, GUESS WHO'S NOT HERE?  
WHERE'D YOU WANDER OFF TO?  
I SWEAR, IF YOU'RE ON SOME SORT OF MURDER HAPPY KILLING SPREE RIGHT NOW, I WILL SHOOSHPAP YOU INTO THE NEXT SCHOOL YEAR.

- - Today 1:38 pm - -

Oh shit, he'd completely forgotten about waiting for Karkat.

- - You sent - -

honk  
SORRY ABOUT THAT BRO  
didn't mean to leave a motherfucker hanging  
I'M OUTSIDE THE MUSIC BUILDING  
i think

- - Today 1:40 pm - -

Gamzee continued to stare at his cell phone waiting for a reply, but several minutes later he still hadn't gotten one. Placing the device back in his pocket, he concluded that Karkat was probably just up and making his way over to him.

Surely enough, a few moments later Karkat could be seen walking over to him. Gamzee's former excitement bubbled up once more upon seeing the Cancer, and he moseyed over to meet him halfway. The shorter troll had his usual, ornery default expression, and he looked ready to start on a fresh bout of lecturing at any moment.

"Hey motherfucker," Gamzee said as he casually leaned down to kiss Karkat's cheek.

"Damn it! You Faygo chugging asshole, don't do that in public," the short troll scowled, quickly stepping back from the affectionate gesture as if it might actually burn. "Come on, let's just fucking go home already."

"Honk!"

Karkat shifted the weight of his backpack to one shoulder and began to lead the way. Happy to fall slightly behind him, Gamzee silently admired his moirail-sprit's small, delicate frame.

The back of him definitely wasn't too bad of a motherfucking sight.

The two made their way off campus and were soon walking down the sidewalk towards the apartment-stem. Their path from the university took them through downtown, and Gamzee always took a bit longer to watch the bustling activity of the other city dwellers.

As they went along, the two eventually passed the series of restaurants and shops that lined the streets. The Capricorn always thought these buildings were interesting, but on this particular instance, he noticed something he never really had before.

"Whoa," he said, stopping abruptly in front of a store window.

"Hm? What?" Karkat asked, glancing over to the window as well. "What is it?"

"... Bro, can we stop in here? I want to get something."

The nubby horned troll rolled his eyes at the request, but he waved Gamzee over to the store's entrance nonetheless.

"Just make it quick," he grumbled.

"Real motherfucking quick," Gamzee responded, ducking in through the doorway.

* * *

Moments like this were why Terezi really loved her matesprit.

'Love' apparently being the human equivalent for mating fondness.

The teal blooded troll curled closer to her coolkid, taking in the delicious scents of her surroundings. There was a strong, almost bitter odor in the air from ground up coffee beans, and it mixed pleasantly with the light, sugary smells of things like chocolate syrup and whip cream. Dave, being too cool for school, had gotten simple, black coffee that Terezi would always insist needed about twenty pounds more sugar.

Speaking of, the human leaned over to give her a soft kiss near the base of one of her horns. She snickered a bit as it tickled her hair and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. It was a fairly relaxed afternoon together in the coffee shop, and it was hard to imagine anything could manage to break the tranquility of the moment.

"So," she said, deciding to break the brief silence that had fallen between them. "At the end of this month, we're going to slaughter an Earth bird and gather together to feast on its carcass? That doesn't seem nearly as much fun as the human dress up holiday was."

Terezi giggled once more, her think pan flashing back to how the two of them had dressed up like Cinderella and Prince Charming.

It had been a fun night, and Dave really did look _stunning _in that ballgown.

"Yeah, it kind of blows to be honest," the Strider responded, nonchalantly sipping his beverage. "Something about celebrating family and how white people gave small pox to a bunch of Indians who later turned out to not actually be Indians."

"... What's an Indian?"

"Shit, who even knows."

The blind troll playfully drubbed Dave's ankle with her cane at his lazy answer.

Their lighthearted, merry fun wasn't to last, though, and a frown crossed the Libra's lips as she caught the scent of a pretty large troll coming into the coffee shop. While these trolls obviously had no connection to Gamzee himself, they always managed to get Dave going on that stupid tangent of his.

"God damn it, another one? The fuck, they're everywhere."

Yeah, as predictable as the clocks he worships.

"You seriously need to let that go," Terezi advised. "I get that you and Gamzee don't like each other, for whatever reason that's probably pointless and dumb, but you'll regret it if you keep at this whole... What is it even? Do you have some kind of hatecrush on him?"

"What? Hell no. Mutually wanting to kill each other is what's going on here, not some weird troll hate-flirting shit. Man, I just can't stand that guy. Besides, am I the only one that still remembers he's a complete fucking psychopath?"

"Pretty sure none of us have forgotten Dave. You know, especially those of us who were actually there when you sent him off the deep end in the first place?"

"Damn it... You're right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't look at it that way but... Shit. I'm getting irritated just thinking about this, can we change conversation topic?"

"Hehehe, of course. Can't have the amazing Dave Strider losing his cool."

"Tch, yeah, because that's something that can even happen."

There was a bit of an awkward silence then in which the blind troll wasn't quite sure what to say. Dave went back to nursing his drink, but after a few moments he began speaking again.

"... Don't you think it's kind of weird though?" he said. "I mean... none of you guys are their size except for Gamzee. Even then, he's definitely smaller than them. Oh fuck, wait, is he going to get bigger?"

"Much bigger," Terezi replied, shifting some in her seat. "Yeah... it's kind of hard to say. I mean, Equius wasn't full grown when he was killed so I guess it's possible that all these trolls are indigo bloods."

"Okay, yeah, but what if they aren't?"

At this, the Libra quirked her mouth in concentration; what exactly would this mean if all these strange trolls were purple bloods? According to Rose, after the human-troll wars the sea dwellers sectioned off into their own oceanic territory, and the purple blooded trolls sort of clustered together in one enormous city under the Grand Highblood. If that were the case, then why would so many of them be here instead of there?

Her train of thought was interrupted, though, as she felt the soft vibration of a text message on her phone. She had to wriggle out of Dave's hold to retrieve the device, and it appeared that the message had come from Kanaya.

- - Kanaya sent - -

Terezi  
I Was Wondering What You Were Doing At The Moment  
Or I Guess More Specifically  
I Wish To Know If You Are Currently Busy

- - Today 1:56pm - -

- - You sent - -

D4V3 4ND 1 4R3 JUST H4NG1NG OUT 4T TH3 COFF33 SHOP.  
WHY, WH4T'S GO1NG ON? :?

- - Today 1:57pm - -

"Who is it?" Dave asked, peaking over her shoulder as she waited on a reply.

"It's Kanaya. She wants to know if I'm busy."

"Why? Something up?"

"I don't know, shush," Terezi said, pushing his face away. "So nosy."

"Hey, if some luminescent troll lesbian with a chainsaw is going to be swiping up my choice girlfriend time, it's only common courtesy to let a guy know why."

Another 'buzz' sounded before Terezi could respond.

- - Kanaya sent - -

It Really Isnt That Important I Suppose  
Well Okay Perhaps It Is Important  
But I Dont Want To Interrupt Any Alone Time You Might Be Having With Your Matesprit

- - Today 1:58pm - -

- - You sent - -

DON'T WORRY 4BOUT 1T!  
W3 S3R1OUSLY 4R3N'T DO1NG 4NYTH1NG.  
H3'S B4S1C4LLY JUST B1TCH1NG ABOUT G4MZ33 4ND TH1S B1G TROLL N34RBY.  
1 PROM1S3 YOU 4R3N'T 1NT3RRUPT1NG 4NYTH1NG. :]

- - Today 2:00pm - -

"Wow, rude," Dave said flatly, still reading over her shoulder.

"Well you are," Terezi snickered.

"No big deal, it's not even really a thing," he went on, shifting the troll off of him. "Just gonna go cry forever now."

"Can I taste your tears?"

The human flicked her off as he walked off to stand in line, probably to get another cup of coffee or some small snack to munch on. He pulled out his ear buds from inside his hoodie and casually popped them into his ears as he waited. Sometimes he was just such a dork, and even then he was still pretty much the coolest kid around.

Terezi had almost forgotten she'd been talking to Kanaya when her phone went off again.

- - Kanaya sent - -

A Big Troll  
Well Perhaps Luck Is On My Side After All  
If You Truly Dont Mind Helping Me For Just A Moment  
I Have A Pretty Big Favor To Ask  
I Am Afraid I Must Also Ask For Your Utmost Discretion On The Matter  
If At All Possible

- - Today 2:08pm - -

- - You sent - -

SUR3. :]  
WH4T DO YOU W4NT M3 TO DO?

- - Today 2:09pm - -

- - Kanaya sent - -

Is There Any Way That You Could Get Close To That Troll  
As I Am Aware You Have A Particular Knack For Smells And Colors  
Even The Smell Of A Color Subtly Hidden Beneath The Surface Of A Trolls Skin  
I Have Found Some Disconcerting Information On A Few Things  
And I Really Do Need To Know For Absolute Certainty Where These Large Trolls Are On The Hemospectrum

- - Today 2:10pm - -

Terezi read over the message and then tilted her chin up to get a good whiff of the troll in the coffee shop. He was very big, and he didn't smell too friendly. She then sniffed over towards Dave to make sure he was still preoccupied with his coffee line. What Kanaya was asking her to do wouldn't really be a walk in the park; worse than that, if she goofed and angered the troll then things could take a nasty turn.

Then again, what suspect trying to keep a low profile would draw attention to himself with something like a public scuffle?

- - You sent - -

1'LL DO 1T. :]  
G1V3 M3 4 F3W M1NUT3S

- - Today 2:13pm - -

Getting one final smell to fully evaluate the situation, Terezi casually slid out of her chair to do as Kanaya requested. Fortunately, the troll of questionable blood was sitting at a table on the way to the bathroom. She could make this really simple; slip past and pretend she was going to the bathroom and then 'accidentally' stumble.

It was time to play the blind girl card.

The Libra did her best to play the part of a helpless, unassuming troll who couldn't make heads or tails of where she was going. She laid the cane tapping on thick, intentionally smacking the legs of chairs and beating the floor to make it painfully obvious that she couldn't see. Terezi was inwardly thankful that Dave had such a weird obsession with music, because without those headphones he definitely would have realized that she was up to something.

Moving a bit closer, she slowed down once she was just a few feet away from the larger troll. It was time for action, and the anticipation of her performance almost made her giddy with devious excitement.

"Whoa!" she said loudly, letting her cane slip out from under her. "I'm going to fall!"

She wobbled for a few seconds before awkwardly toppling onto the large troll. He had smelled irritable before, but now he reeked of fury.

"Get off me," he snarled, immediately shoving her off.

Terezi hadn't quite been expecting that, and now she actually did fall. She'd managed to get a good whiff of the troll, and her discovery probably caught her off guard more than anything else. Panic flooded her think pan for a second, and she quickly reached around to grab her cane.

"Sorry about that," she said, masking her fear with a light, playful tone. "Didn't see you there."

"Touch me again and I'll-"

"You'll what now?" asked the voice of one dashing Knight as he stood there with his fresh cup of coffee.

The tension in the air was palpable, and Terezi could smell Dave's glare even behind the veil of his sunglasses. Troll and human continued their stare down for what seemed like hours before the large troll finally got up and stormed out. Dave then turned his attention back to Terezi, and he carefully knelt down to help her up.

"... Thanks," the Libra replied, at a bit of a loss for words.

"The fuck was that all about?" Dave asked, instantly zoning in on the crux of the matter. "I leave for five goddamn minutes to get another coffee, and I come back to you about to get your ass kicked by some megalithic troll?"

Terezi grew silent at this, and her think pan was struggling to process everything that had just occurred. On top of that, now Dave seemed to be upset with her over the situation. She wanted to tell him why she'd done it, what she'd discovered in doing so, but Kanaya had explicitly asked her to keep the matter a secret.

Now she knew why.

"... I was just going to the bathroom and I tripped," she said, deciding it'd be best to go with a little white lie for now. "It was an accident."

Dave looked at her for a long while, and she could tell from just a sniff that he wasn't buying that story. The blind troll wasn't about to betray Kanaya's wishes, though, and so her matesprit was just going to have to accept this.

"Seriously, I still have to pee," she said, making her way off to the bathroom before he could argue.

Terezi wasted no time in making sure no one else was in the bathroom, even going so far as sniffing under the doors to double check. Once locked inside the privacy of one of the bathroom stalls, she pulled out her cell phone and called Kanaya. In situations like this, texting just wasn't going to do, and the phone rang three times before the familiar voice of Kanaya answered.

"Hello?" she asked on the other end of the phone. "Were you able to... well..."

"Yes," Terezi said, a rare and serious note to her words. "And I'd like to know why there's a bunch of subjugglators running around the city."

"..."

"Kanaya, what's going on?"

* * *

Why?

Why the hell had he thought it was okay to stop by that store Gamzee was looking in?

Karkat tried to focus on his husktop through the discordant sounds of his moirail-sprit plucking away at his newly discovered torture device. Ever since they'd gotten back to the apartment-stem, the highblood had been fiddling with the thing.

It had been three hours.

The noises were so bad that Karkat was certain his auricular sponge clots would burst open at any moment. He wasn't going to complain, though, because at least the taller troll was keeping himself occupied and out of trouble. Gamzee also seemed to get some sort of weird enjoyment out of it, so he guessed that was good too?

Doing his best to tune the world around him out, Karkat continued to read over the article he had pulled up on his husktop screen. It was all about the benefits of different types of exercises and programs that helped trolls higher up on the hemospectrum let out some of their excess energy. He was eventually going to want to take things farther with Gamzee, but he didn't want to do so if it would put his mental or emotional stability at risk. Karkat was beginning to feel like his time was running out, and the Capricorn seemed to be growing more and more anxious with each passing day. He needed something that wouldn't stimulate him to get out all that energy.

Maybe this would work?

Fuck, he'd only even thought to look into exercising because of some bullshit commercial he'd seen on television.

More frustrating than all of that was probably the fact that Karkat was having trouble finding any information on the adequate amount of exercise for purple blooded trolls. There were thousands upon thousands of articles for middle bloods, and even quite a few for indigo blooded trolls. Past that, though, the information was sketchy at best. With how secluded seadwellers and purple blooded trolls were from the rest of the world, there simply wasn't as many rambunctious articles about 'what exercise program worked best for them'. Whatever articles the nubby horned troll did manage to dig up on highbloods was usually written by some pompous violet blood chastising others for their improper swimming techniques. Maybe if he rewrote his search words-

TWANG!

Karkat flinched at the sudden, loud sound from Gamzee's guitar, and he reflexively whipped around to shoot the taller troll a death glare. The Capricorn sheepishly smiled up at him, as if expecting the raging molten fury that the nubby horned troll was about to spew all over him.

"... Gamzee," Karkat hissed through gritted teeth.

"... Yes Karbro?"

"Could you maybe, for the rest of your fucking life, stop torturing those strings and everyone else in the nearby vicinity?"

The taller troll looked a bit dejected at this, and he looked away as if to avoid eye contact. Karkat sighed at the reaction, now feeling incredibly guilty; it was as if he'd snatched candy away from a newly hatched wiggler.

"But bro," the taller troll said softly, tapping a claw against the neck of the guitar. "If I don't practice then... I won't get any better."

Fuck. Okay, he was officially the worst troll ever.

"Shit, fine, but... could you maybe not practice right here?" the shorter troll asked, rubbing his arm nervously. "Just for right now... I'm working on something."

Gamzee seemed to be considering the suggestion, and he scratched at the underside of his chin as he thought.

"Okay best motherfucking friend," he responded with a nod, getting up off of the couch. "Where should I up and be getting my practice flowing at?"

That was a very good question.

Who would put up with a semi-stable Gamzee making sounds like he had stepped on Miracle's tail?

"... Well, it's a human instrument, right?"

"That's what I got my know on to saying."

"Alright, so, maybe one of the stupid humans we live with can help you. Maybe Jade? I don't fucking know, go find out for yourself."

"... I didn't even have that motherfucking idea cross my think pan! Shit bro, you're just full of miracles."

"Yeah yeah, whatever, miracles. Take your stupid guitar thing and go away."

The Capricorn's smile was back in full force now, and he leaned over to give one of Karkat's horns a quick kiss before turning to leave their block. Caught off guard by the action, the Cancer's face flushed red.

"D-damn it Gamzee..."

"Flushed for you bro," he called back, closing the door behind him.

"Fucking dumbass," the troll grumbled to himself, glaring at his husktop through his blush.

He then sat there for a few moments, enjoying the tranquility of a silent respiteblock, but eventually went back to his research with a sigh. It was never a dull moment around here, and at the end of each day Karkat found himself reaching the same two conclusions.

Gamzee Makara was the biggest goofy imbecile on the planet.

And the nubby horned troll couldn't get enough of him.


	37. A FINAL WHAT?

**A/N: ... Oh my glub, I am such a derp. I uploaded this in the doc manager last night and never actually posted it to the fanfiction. -_-' Chapter 38 will be out in a few hours, sorry about that gaiz. ^^'**

A FINAL WHAT?

"Why do you even give a shit?" Dave scoffed. "I thought you were over him."

"Are you seriously bringing that up again?" Terezi answered, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Dave, I don't know how many times I have to tell you it's not like that."

"Oh yeah? Sure fooled me. I forgot, it's completely normal for someone to risk their neck for someone they don't feel anything for. My bad."

"Me not having flushed feelings for Karkat doesn't mean that he suddenly ceases to exist. He's my friend, Dave," she emphasized the last word. "And I'm not just going to stand idly by while he gets hunted down and killed by highbloods."

The Knight crossed his arms defensively, trying to maintain his coolkid stance of indifference. It was faltering, though, and he had a feeling that his girlfriend could tell. He couldn't help it; sometimes it felt like Terezi really did still have a thing for Karkat.

This spontaneous, 'I must protect him' bullshit definitely wasn't helping that.

"I didn't say that," Dave countered after a few moments. "All I'm saying is that it kind of gets under a guy's skin when he sees his girlfriend willing to put everything on the line to protect some douchebag who used to have the hots for her."

"Jegus, Kanaya was right," the blind troll said with a sigh. "You don't get it. I never should have told you about this."

"Perfect, let's start keeping important shit from each other now. Then we can be exactly like you seem to want things to be between you and that grouchy midget."

This last stab actually seemed to piss Terezi off, because she then turned to poke him hard in the chest with her cane. She looked angry, and Dave mentally braced himself for her wrath.

"Maybe if you stopped caring about something other than how you're being affected for once in your fucking life, you could understand why this is bothering me. You're still hiding behind this stupid front of yours, even after all these months, and now you're bitching because I'm genuinely concerned about the well being of my friend? You know Karkat is important to me, and yet you continue to antagonize him at any waking second. All you care about is yourself, Dave Strider, and you can't even get out of your own self-absorbed bubble to realize it."

"Well maybe I fucking care about you too," he snapped back. "And maybe I care that you might not really feel the same. Plus, if you're keeping all this shit from Karkat, what the hell are you keeping from me?"

"Nothing!" Terezi yelled. "The only reason I'm keeping this a secret from him is because Kanaya doesn't want to stress him. Finals are next week and he's probably going to be freaking out enough as it is."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Heaven forbid he be stressing over saving his own neck, he's got all these bullshit college tests to take!"

"It's not. My news. To break," Terezi hissed through gritted teeth. "As far as keeping things secret, you insensitive asshole, the only reason Kanaya even let me tell you was because I didn't want to keep something like this from you!"

Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades, smacking the troll's cane down off of his chest. He was done arguing about this shit. Whatever, if Terezi and everyone else on the fucking planet wanted to come together to suck nubby asshole's dick, that was their problem. What did he care? He didn't, and he wasn't going to keep this screaming match going between the two of them.

He needed time to cool off.

"I'm going out," he said, turning to leave the room.

"Dave, come on," Terezi huffed, a note of exasperation in her voice.

"No. I'm going out for a while, I'll be back later."

As if to finalize the matter, the blonde haired boy popped his ear buds in before opening the door to exit. They were both angry right now, and the best thing they could do was give each other space to calm down.

Maybe Terezi could go talk to Karkat, since he was so fucking important to her.

* * *

His middle finger went on this string, then his index on this one, and the rest didn't touch anything.

Then he just had to...

Carefully sort of...

Gamzee gently strummed his fingers across all six strings, keeping his hand near the round hole like Rose had instructed. A sweet, harmonious sound came out of the guitar, and he smiled widely at his accomplishment. Apparently, shit got to be arranging itself all musically like with these little miracles called 'chords'.

And he'd just learned his first one.

"Fuck yeah," he mumbled to himself, playing the chord again several more times. "So motherfucking mirthful."

He was currently sitting under a tree in the park, determined to figure out at least five of the many chords on the chart Rose had printed out for him. Karkat hadn't seemed to enjoy his practicing in their respiteblock, so he'd ended up taking his guitar elsewhere. At first, Gamzee had been at a bit of a loss for where to go, but getting some fresh air at the same motherfucking time turned out to be the best idea he'd had all week. Something about it was just very relaxing; the voices in his mind seemed to get their hush going whenever he was focusing on this music making noise.

It was nice.

Maybe one day, when he got better, Karkat would even actually want to listen to him play.

Gamzee looked away from his guitar for a few minutes, taking in the scenery around him. As far as he could see, he was the only one around. It was still fairly early in the day, not even noon yet, and while the world was starting to warm up with the sun, it wasn't quite there yet. The natural lighting was still pretty mild, but not quite so much that he couldn't clearly see his guitar or his chord sheet.

It was pretty motherfucking peaceful.

Turning his attention back to mastering his instrument, Gamzee almost hadn't noticed the subtle flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. It took him a second to realize that he had definitely seen something, and he looked up from the guitar once more.

At first, he didn't see anything all that out of the ordinary; it was just the same, empty park. However, the more he looked around the more he got the sense that something, or someone, had to be lurking nearby. After about a minute or so, curiosity got the better of him and he captchalogued his guitar before getting up to investigate. He had only half seen it, and he couldn't quite say what it was or where it was going.

Gamzee walked out to the middle of the park, carefully looking around to try and see whatever it was again. The park was still once more, though, and the only one moving about right now was him. Thinking for a moment, the tall troll closed his eyes and listened carefully to see if he could hear anything out of the ordinary.

Birds.

Cars.

Bugs.

… Talking?

The Capricorn opened his eyes and turned towards the direction he believed the sound to be coming from. It was very faint, but he could swear that someone was talking nearby. The closer he got, the louder the talking became, and it didn't take a genius to figure out where the speaker was as he drew closer.

The voice sounded female, and she was under the overpass.

With his mural.

It wasn't all that uncommon for patrons to stop by and admire the masterpiece-turned-crime scene, but Gamzee was just invested enough at this point that he decided to peak in and see who was there. Ever so casually, he ducked his head in to see, and was a bit taken back by what he was greeted with; four highbloods sitting around a fifth. Unlike the large trolls with indigo eyes, these five were undoubtedly members of his blood color; their faces were painted, just like his, and there eyes shone purple for the world to see.

Gamzee only knew this last part because now all five sets of eyes were trained on him.

"Who the fuck are you?" the troll in the middle spoke, and Gamzee recognized that the voice he'd heard must have come from her. "Haven't seen a motherfucker like you around the Purple Palace."

At a loss for words, the Capricorn blinked stupidly and tried to think of what he should do next. These highbloods were much larger than the ones he'd killed protecting Karkat, and he doubted he'd be able to take all of them in a fight.

If he was going to get out of this, he'd have to play this off somehow.

"Shit, I just up and got myself to admiring this bitching paint job," he said, casually glancing over to the mural.

"Well you've seen it. Leave, this doesn't concern some no name grunt."

Gamzee gave a slight nod and backed out of the overpass, happy for the chance to slip back out of this unintended situation. Once he was out, he continued to watch for any sign of them coming after him. It appeared that they'd mistaken him for some sort of ally, though, and now that he was gone he no longer mattered to them. Despite that, the whole situation made him very nervous and he could feel his prior calm from playing his guitar melting away. Who were these highbloods? What did they want with his mural? Would they come after Karkat like the last ones had?

Shit.

Motherfucking shit.

The tall troll swallowed hard before deciding to leave the park completely; it didn't feel safe with those strange highbloods there. On top of that, though he knew it was a bit silly, he really wanted to see Karkat and make sure he was okay.

His bro was going to have to be real careful with these motherfuckers about.

* * *

"Game fucking over. You lose, I win, now get your lazy human ass up and get more popcorn," Karkat demanded, crossing his arms triumphantly as the screen boasted player one's victory.

"Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have picked Ashrah," John whined but set his controller down anyway. "Okay Karkat, I'll go get the popcorn... The buttery kind or the caramel kind?"

"How about, 'the same fucking popcorn I've been eating since you forced me to play this wiggler's game with you'?"

"Geez, I never knew you had such a sweet tooth."

"Shut up, caramel corn is just better than eating little clusters of the artery clogging filth you seem to prefer."

"What? No way! Don't besmirch the good name of Orville Redenbacher!"

"... You are such a fucking idiot. He makes my popcorn too Egbert!"

"... Oh hey, I guess he does!"

Karkat growled at the human's stupidity and used his own controller to advance the screen. He really wasn't hating this as much as he liked to pretend, and there was definitely some satisfaction to be had in handing John's ass to him time and time again. As if anyone could hope to best him in this kind of thing. Hell, he could probably even beat Strider if he really wanted to.

Not that he'd ever actually sit down and do something as civil as play a video game with that douchebag.

But still, he totally could.

The nubby horned troll moved over the different characters, trying to decide which one he'd use to beat John down this time. There was a four armed muscular woman, she looked pretty strong he guessed.

This was turning out to be a fairly relaxed, easy day for the Cancer; none of his professors were assigning any homework lately, Gamzee was keeping himself entertained somewhere with his guitar, and he'd spent the last hour playing mindless video games and stuffing his face with that delicious caramel corn.

A troll could get used to this.

The door to the apartment-stem opened, drawing Karkat's attention away from the screen and to the two females who seemed to be spending a lot more time together lately. Each was carrying a decently sized armful of books, and upon seeing him they both shared the same, surprised look.

"... What?"

"Well, I suppose how you spend your own time is entirely your business," Rose said. "But aren't you nervous about your finals?"

"... My final what?"

Kanaya and Rose exchanged a glance that told Karkat he'd just asked a stupid question. The Cancer scowled, turning away from them to look back at the television screen.

"Whatever, don't tell me. I don't care," he said defensively; these flighty broads weren't going to be getting the best of him today.

"Your final exams," Rose answered, despite his willingness to drop the matter. "Often times they count for a very large part of your final grade."

Whoa, wait what?

That caught his attention.

"They... they do?" Karkat asked, whirling back around to face them. "Fuck, why didn't any of my professors tell me we had an exam?"

"They never mentioned anything about finals at the end of the year?"

"... Well why the fuck are they calling it 'finals' and and not just 'exams' or 'tests'? That's bullshit! How am I supposed to even know what to study?"

"Normally they expect you to answer any range of questions on everything you have learned this semester."

Karkat's jaw dropped open at this revelation; how the hell was he supposed to remember every fucking thing he had learned this semester? For all four of his classes? By next week? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

"I've got the caramel corn," John said chipperly, sitting back down in front of the television. "Ready for the next round."

"Why the hell are we playing video games when there's all these huge ridiculous tests? Fuck you Egbert. I'm locking myself in my respiteblock, none of you shitstains bother me."

"Aw, come on Karkat. One more game?"

"Fuck off!"

"... John, shouldn't you be studying too?" Rose asked with a smirk.

"Uh..."

Karkat absconded as soon as the attention was drawn away from him; he didn't have time to stick around and listen to this idiot fest. There were four tests to study for, apparently, and a week to relearn everything.

He'd have to get started right away.

* * *

"What is the most reactive element of the alkali metals?"

"Francium."

"The least reactive?"

"Lithium."

"Hydrogen hydroxide or Dihydrogen monoxide is more commonly known as...?"

"Water."

The alarm on Rose's cell phone went off, signaling that it was time for another tea break. She reached over and switched the alarm back off, smiling brightly at the troll sitting next to her.

"Well, it seems it's that time again," she said, getting up and heading over to the teapot on her dresser. "One lump or two?"

"Just one, please," Kanaya answered, folding her hand neatly across her lap.

Rose poured fresh cups both for herself and the glowing troll, stirring in one lump for Kanaya and two for herself. The Virgo had been helping her study since they'd gotten back home, and every half hour they stopped for these little breaks. She believe she was probably fairly prepared for her exams, but it never hurt to be especially prudent about these sort of things.

"The amount of knowledge you have attained in these past few months is astounding," Kanaya praised, accepting her cup of tea as it was offered. "I must say, I'm not entirely sure what most of these things I'm quizzing you on even are."

"Most of it's superfluous information, to be honest," Rose confessed as she resumed her seat on the bed. "No amount of knowledge can truly be considered 'a waste' I guess."

"I couldn't agree more."

"... So... how are you going to tell him?"

Kanaya hesitated at the question, taking a long sip from her cup before responding.

"If I might be candid... I'm not quite sure. He's in so much danger, you've seen how many of those trolls are roaming the city. Karkat doesn't suspect a thing either, we were all fooled by the same eye trick we've been using to disguise him."

"Well, they haven't exactly all been running around with Faygo bottles and face paint. It's an understandable oversight."

"Yes, yes, but still," the glowing troll said with a sigh, resting her forehead against the heel of her palm. "I just... I feel like I should have figured this out sooner. I had been to the Purple Palace before, I knew what those kinds of trolls looked like... why did I need this absolute, without a doubt confirmation?"

"... Kanaya."

"It's because I'm a coward. I didn't want it to be real, I didn't want Karkat to be in as much danger as he is, and now I'm afraid I've exacerbated the situation."

"Kanaya."

"For all we know, he could walk outside and be culled tomorrow. We have no idea how organized they are, or even how many of them have infiltrated the city at this point. The whole purpose in my returning was to protect him, and now I-"

"Kanaya," Rose said a little more firmly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "... What would you have done if you had known? You certainly can't run about slaughtering all of these highbloods in broad daylight. And what of the innocent ones? Surely there are some trolls here like Gamzee, who have disregarded the hemospectrum and are guilty of nothing more than possessing the wrong blood color."

The Virgo looked down at her hands, and though she appeared to be taking in what Rose was saying, she seemed to be struggling with it. The Seer could understand; no matter what, there was still that feeling that she should be able to do even more somehow.

"Karkat is very lucky to have a friend like you," she reaffirmed, offering a soft smile. "Everything is going to be alright, you'll see."

"... Is there any chance you know that for certain?"

"Well... I've got a pretty good hunch. Then again, my conclusion might be a little biased."

"Oh? And why is that?" Kanaya looked back up to meet her gaze.

"Because," Rose went on. "I know that, no matter what, we're going to be there for him... and for you. If those highbloods think they're going to run in here and destroy the happiness we've built, then they've got another thing coming."


	38. Some Celebratory Fun Is In Order

**A/N: A bit late, but here you go. Enjoy 38, and today I'm supposed to get 39 posted to catch up, and 40 to get on track. ;3; I LE FAIL, PLEASE FORGIVE ME DEAR READERS!**

Some Celebratory Fun Is In Order

"Thank the gods in the Furthest Ring, I am so fucking done with these tests. Is this going to keep happening? Is this a thing that just perpetually continues to be in college?"

"Honk!"

"And here I am asking the only nook whiff on the planet who'd have less of a clue about this shit than I would."

Karkat stretched his arms as he walked, shifting his backpack off to one side as he'd been getting into a habit of doing recently. Gamzee had stopped bringing supplies of any sort to his classes about halfway through the semester, so he trekked alongside the Cancer empty handed. It was annoying; this asshole didn't seem to put any work into passing his classes, and yet he'd still probably somehow manage to pull it off. Meanwhile, Karkat had spent the last week of his life stressing and studying every fucking minute just to do well on these exams.

But now it was all over.

"Karbro, we should be like to making festivities over this shit," Gamzee drawled on, his head almost methodically shifting side to side to watch the world passing. "To celebrate the wicked mirth of school time's ending for now."

"Oh yeah? And what the fuck should we 'make festivities' to... do? Damn it, do you realize that half the things you say make no sense whatsoever?"

"Shit, if I could get all motherfuckers to be understanding the words that all others speak at each other, it'd be a miracle for the eyes of the mirthful messiahs to behold."

"Again with the miracles..."

"Seriously though, we should up and celebrate this bitch best friend!"

"Since you apparently disregarded the question the first time, I suppose there's no option left but to ask it again. However, since I don't speak dumbfuck clowny whimsical musclebeast shit, I'm just going to say it in plain English; what do you want to do? Tell you what, you answer that simple fucking question and we'll do it."

The two continued to walk on and Gamzee fell quiet, probably to think up a good response to Karkat's question. Pulling his hoodie closer to him, the nubby horned troll breathed out a white puff of water vapor into the air. The city had apparently had a 'cold snap' a few days ago, and he was freezing his vestigial leg slits off. On the news, predictions of winter's first snow continued to spew forth in thus far fruitless promises; it was just really cold and cloudy all the fucking time.

The matter of what exactly should be done to partake in Gamzee's suggested 'celebration' seemed to keep the tall troll's think pan busy for the majority of the walk back to the apartment-stem. In no time at all, Karkat was fishing his key out of his hoodie and opening the door to reveal four of the other assholes who lived here gathered around some pizzas. The Cancer decided to hold off on his complaints for a while, instead opting to salvage the comforting warmth that instantly flooded over him as he entered their heated apartment-stem.

"Motherfucking yum!" Gamzee said, honing in on the pizza boxes. "Something like this bro! We've all up and finished our tests, no better time for mirth!"

"Hello boys," Rose greeted. "Feel free to grab as much pizza as you'd like, we ordered plenty."

Karkat scoffed a bit, but said nothing as he made his way over to his and Gamzee's respiteblock. He wouldn't admit it, but he was actually feeling pretty hungry at the moment. Stressing all day long about his last exam had taken more out of his appetite than he would have thought. However, he wasn't about to sit there and be the only dumbass still wearing his backpack. Also, now that he was in this toasty apartment-stem, his hoodie was feeling almost unbearably warm.

"... Let me go put my shit away," the nubby horned troll finally responded, too hungry and warm to fight much.

"Man, it's all nice and cooking up in here... Guess I should probably be to ditching this sweet ass hoodie," Gamzee said, following after him.

"Oh, what do you guys want to drink?" Jade asked, already heading to the thermal hull.

"Reach up inside and pull me out a miracle Faygo," the Capricorn said first.

"Because that couldn't have been worded any better... just give me a water."

"Got it!"

The two trolls disappeared into the privacy of their respiteblock, and no sooner had Karkat set his backpack down when he was suddenly being pushed back onto the couch. Before he could protest, a pair of soft, warm lips pressed against his own and Gamzee's eager tongue was slipping into his mouth. Reflexively, the shorter troll wound his arms around the Capricorn's waist; pulling him closer to deepen their kisses. His own, shy smooches were quickly being swept up in the heat of his moirail-sprit's affections, and his body shivered at the feeling of Gamzee's hands running through his hair.

Those gentle lips broke away from Karkat's, and the taller troll looked into his eyes with all the longing and admiration that was always there just for him. The nubby horned troll felt as if his vascular pump skipped a beat, and he met the others gaze despite the dizzy feeling his think pan was now working through.

"Been wanting to do that all motherfucking day bro," the Capricorn cooed, placing another kiss on his forehead. "You've been all kinds of harsh stressed motherfucker... but you up and keep going at it, pretty much like you always do."

"The only reason I was so stressed is because I was so incompetent in the first place," Karkat mumbled, looking away only to have his chin lightly gripped and tilted to face Gamzee once more.

"No way bro," the taller troll went on, smiling that long, relaxed grin at him. "It's because you care about this shit. You work miracles to make important shit work... even hard shit like our quadrants."

A light blush was beginning to color Karkat's cheeks, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look away from his moirail-sprit's eyes. This felt strange; he wasn't used to being spontaneously complimented while being treated so lovingly. Despite the foreign nature of the situation, though, it felt kind of... pleasant.

"Yeah well... you aren't exactly the hardest troll to feel this way for," he murmured in response.

"Aww," Gamzee said, giving him one last kiss before getting back off the couch. "Flushed for you too bro."

Karkat sat up and took to peeling away his hoodie, unceremoniously chucking it to the side as he did so. He could properly put it away later, but the smell of pizza from the kitchenette was something that he couldn't ignore any longer.

"Come on, let's go get some food before those dipshits eat it all," the Cancer said, heading out of their respiteblock.

Gamzee followed after him, and in no time the two were sitting around with the others. Karkat was content with the two slices of cheese pizza, but his moirail-sprit had decided to make it his personal mission to finish off the first box of meat lover's pizza.

"Yeah, I totally failed by botany exam," John laughed, biting into another slice of pizza. "Whatever, that class was dumb anyway."

"What? No way!" Jade laughed. "That class was awesome, I'm definitely sticking with this major."

"Pardon, but what exactly is 'botany'?" Kanaya asked, leaning over to ask Rose.

"Botany is a study of plants and plant biology," the human replied, sipping a soda that Karkat hadn't even known she drank. "Personally, I'm more interested in some sort of English or Literature field myself."

Normally, Karkat would be making caustic comment after comment at the vapid pointlessness of all these classes and 'majors', but right now he was too busy trying to eat his entire first slice of pizza in one giant bite.

"We're back!" announced the voice of one Terezi Pyrope as she entered the apartment-stem.

"Sup nerds," Dave greeted, following in behind her and shutting the door. "Oh sweet, you guys got pizza."

The group greeted the two as they took up the remaining seats, and Karkat finally managed to finish stuffing his pizza down his throat.

"So," Terezi said, settling in her seat. "We're going out tonight."

"Whoop dee doo, who gives a lump squirting fuck?" Karkat grumbled, washing the pizza down with his water. "You two go out every night."

"Shut up Karkat, that's not what I mean," the Libra responded, chastising him with a quick drub.

"We're all going to go out," Dave went on, taking a sip of his apple juice. "You know that club up the road Rezi and I always hit up? Well, it's Friday night, exams are done and it's time to fucking party."

"Oh man, that's perfect!" John said with a big grin. "Count me in!"

"Me too," Jade chimed.

"May I go as well?" Kanaya inquired, earning an approving nod from Terezi. "Thank you, it does sound like it would be fun."

"Well, I certainly can't miss out on your first experience in a club," Rose said with a light giggle. "I'll go too. What about you Gamzee?"

"Sounds like a wicked motherfucker of a time to me," he answered. "That's with all that choice bass and motherfucking lights and shit right?"

"That's pretty much the gist of it," Terezi snickered. "Plus or minus some beverages of the alcoholic nature."

"Well, I don't know what that noise is at," Gamzee confessed. "But fuck yeah, I'm down!"

Karkat took another tentative bite of his pizza, looking away as the group chattered on excitedly about their stupid as fuck plans. The whole thing sounded like a terrible idea, and he silently hoped that they just wouldn't notice that he'd never answered the invitation.

Such a hope was in vain, though, for a few minutes later all eyes were locked expectantly on him.

"... No," he said tersely. "No fucking way, I'm not going."

"Aww, don't be that way Karkles!" Terezi teased.

"I'll be whatever way I want. Jumping around with you and a bunch of other assholes sounds like an awful way to spend the evening. Fuck that, go without me."

"Come on Karkat! It wouldn't be as much fun without you?"

"Want to bet?" Dave muttered under his breath, earning a sharp jab from Terezi and a subtle glare from Gamzee.

"You know Strider, usually I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, but for once I actually agree with you. Leave me out of your wiggler think panned ideas of fun."

"But bro," Gamzee said with a knowing smile. "It'd be like some sort of celebration shit."

Oh no.

Oh fucking hell, he remembered that conversation from earlier.

"Remember what you up and said bro?" the Capricorn said, playfully poking Karkat in the shoulder. "I all have a motherfucker's answer for how we're like to be getting our celebration on, and you said we'd do it."

"I didn't mean something like this!" the nubby horned troll protested, swatting Gamzee's hand away from him. "Pick something else!"

"Come on best friend, you gave your motherfucking word."

"He has a point you know," Rose said. "A verbal contract is a contract nonetheless. Wouldn't you agree, Terezi?"

"Oh yes. Your refusal to go now would be an unpardonable breech in the contract between you and Gamzee. His Honorable Tyranny would not be forgiving," Terezi said with her best shit eating grin. "Death by hanging would probably be the court mandated sentence."

The blind troll cackled and Karkat flipped her off with a growl; why the fuck did everyone want him to go so badly? He'd be stuck with all these idiots pretending like he wasn't having the shittiest time ever.

… But still.

He had told Gamzee that they could do something to celebrate the end of exams.

"... Fine! I'll fucking go!" he yelled, crossing his arms angrily. "Now all of you get off my nub!"

The group cheered and Karkat rolled his eyes at their juvenile excitement.

Whatever, maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

* * *

He was wrong.

This was a shitty idea.

The group of eight stood in line outside of the club, each wearing their own version of club attire underneath some form of coat or jacket. For Karkat, this consisted of his hoodie from earlier, a gray t-shirt he'd fished out of his drawers, and a pair of black jeans.

Gamzee stood next to him, fidgeting and shifting constantly to try and peer into the club's pulsing entrance. They weren't even inside yet and Karkat could already hear the music pretty clearly, so the night would probably end with some very annoying hearing damage.

"This is going to be so much fun," John said eagerly. "How much longer do we have to wait?"

"Chill Egbert," Dave said coolly, his arm wound loosely around Terezi's waist. "Shouldn't be much longer."

"Kanaya, I can't get over how pretty your outfit is," Jade said.

"Why thank you," the glowing troll said with a smile. "I did my best to prepare a proper ensemble for the evening."

The group continued to chatter amongst themselves, and Karkat tried his best to ignore them. It really wasn't that difficult; his thoughts was more preoccupied with how think pan numbingly cold it was outside. His hands were already stuffed deep into the pockets of his hoodie, and the sharp points of his teeth were lightly beginning to clack together with his slight shaking.

They'd already been waiting around out here for twenty minutes; how much longer were they just going to be fucking standing there?

The large male human standing at the front of the club tilted his head some, probably listening to something on the black ear bud he wore. Then, he pulled aside the velvet rope at the front of the line and waved for Karkat and the others to head inside.

"Cool," Dave said, strolling inside with Terezi.

"That wasn't too bad a wait," Rose commented, following with Kanaya and Jade at her heels.

"This is going to be so fun!" John said.

"Come on bro," Gamzee said excitedly, grabbing Karkat's wrist and pulling him into the club.

"Wait, hold on, what-" the Cancer tried to protest.

Karkat didn't manage to get more out than that, and he instantly felt overwhelmed by everything going on. The music was louder than it had seemed outside, much louder. Everything inside was pretty dark, and the only real illumination came from the number of colorful laser lights and strobes that seemed set in time to the beat of the music.

For a few moments, the nubby horned troll just stood there and looked around to get his bearings. The majority of the space was taken up by the enormous dance floor and DJ's booth, and off to one side was a bar that some of the club goers were drinking or just resting at.

It was a lot to take in.

"Holy shit," Karkat mumbled, unable to even hear himself over the sounds of the club. "Gamzee, I don't-"

The troll turned to look up at his moirail-sprit and was more than a little surprised to see he wasn't there. A feeling of panic swept over Karkat, and he turned this way and that to try and locate the taller troll.

Shit, Gamzee must have released his wrist when he stopped walking.

After a few seconds of looking, the nubby horned troll realized that he hadn't just lost Gamzee, he'd lost every one of the idiots he'd come here with.

"Kanaya?" he tried, still turning about. "Jade? John? Rose? Fuck, I'll even settle for Dave or Terezi."

No one answered him, though, and with his short stature he couldn't really see above any of the other patrons to look for them. Knowing Gamzee, he was probably flailing around somewhere in the crowd of idiots on the dance floor.

Well, there was going to be one way to find him then.

Bracing himself, the short troll started shoving his way through the groups of people and trolls. If anyone was getting annoyed with him for doing so, they didn't really seem to show it. More annoying than that, some people would even laugh and shove back like he was playing some shitty game with them. The Cancer rolled his eyes; he just wanted to find Gamzee and... and...

Okay, he didn't really know what he wanted to do.

Everything here was pretty much awful.

After a bit of searching, the long, lanky frame of Gamzee danced into view; if nothing else, he definitely seemed to be enjoying himself. His body swayed this way and that, bringing his head along with it, and his arms kept in time as they waved through the air with the beat. Though Karkat could clearly see him, there was still the last barrier of people to move through.

"Gamzee," he called out, his voice swallowed up by the music. "Gamzee!"

The Capricorn didn't seem to hear him, and with a new sense of determination the nubby horned troll shoved his way through and grabbed his shirt. Gamzee instantly noticed this, and he jumped a bit at the unexpected appearance of Karkat glaring up at him.

"Hey Karbro!" he shouted, his voice barely able to be heard even though they were right next to each other.

"Damn it Gamzee," the Cancer yelled back. "Don't just wander off like that!"

"Sorry motherfucker. Just got caught up and in that beat... Want to dance?"

Was he serious?

"No I don't want to fucking dance," Karkat snapped.

"What?" Gamzee called, the song changing again into one with a more driving beat.

"I said no!" Karkat said, louder this time.

"... Bro, I can't hear you over the music."

"Fuck it! I'll be at the bar," Karkat yelled, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"I'll catch up with you later motherfucker!"

The short troll rolled his eyes, making his way over to the bar where he could at least sit down. This was already turning out to be an awful time, but he wasn't about to drag Gamzee away; the Capricorn was clearly having a lot of fun. The bar was farther away from the speakers, so it was considerably less noisy there. Seeing John and Dave sitting at one end of the bar, Karkat spent a few minutes weighing whether he'd rather tolerate their company or sit alone. With a scowl, he found himself walking over to them.

"Well look who it is," Dave said as Karkat sat one seat down from John.

John turned around to look at him, and the nubby horned troll cringed as he smiled a big buck toothed grin.

"Hey Karkat!" the Heir greeted. "Are you having fun?"

The Cancer rolled his eyes, "How anyone could have fun in this shitfest is beyond me."

"Man, you are so lame," Dave scoffed.

"Fuck off."

"Oh, hey! Karkat, you should take shots with us."

What? Fucking hell, what was wrong with this kid?

"... As fascinating as your human immunization rituals are to me," the Cancer said sarcastically, looking at John like the idiot he was. "I think I'll pass."

"Haha, not those kinds of shots!"

"Come on dude, he can't handle those things. I doubt this grumpy asshole's ever even had a drop of alcohol before."

Oh... they were talking about that weird soporific beverage of theirs.

"Like I'd even want your shitty drinks," the troll huffed, crossing his arms.

"Aw, what's the matter?" Dave sneered. "Chicken?"

"Tch, as if comparing me to some cluckbeast is going to spontaneously make me-"

"Bawk, bawk bawk bawk," the Knight clucked softly, nudging John in the side as he did so. "Ba-gaaaawk."

Seriously?

Was he really doing this?

"Bawk bawk!" John laughed, joining in on the noises and even bending his elbows into wings.

Why the fuck had he thought this was a better alternative to sitting alone?

"Baaawk, bawk bawk."

"Shut up," the troll grumbled, gritting his teeth together.

"Bawk baaaawk bawk bawk."

"Seriously, people are starting to stare."

"Baaaawk."

"We've been here for like ten minutes! How much of that shit have you idiots already drank?"

"Sorry Karkat, bawk bawk," John answered, flapping his arms. "I don't speak chicken! Bawk!"

"You're already clucking like one you ignoramus!"

"Bawk bawk."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"... Ba-gawk."

"Alright! That's it!" Karkat yelled, slamming his hands down on the bartop. "I'll take your fucking stupid human shots!"

"Hooray!" John cheered.

"Atta boy. Three shots here," Dave called, motioning to the bartender with a slight smirk. "Four Horsemen."

Karkat rolled his eyes, still enraged over the entire idiocy of the situation. Here he was at this dumb club that he didn't want to be at, and now he'd been talked into drinking one of those weird smelling human sopor drinks. Gamzee was probably off somewhere having fun, and here he was being harassed into doing stupid shit with these two fuckwads.

The nubby horned troll's attention shifted back over to the crowded dance floor, but he was unable to see where the Capricorn had gotten off to. With a sigh, he quietly wondered if he'd soon be abandoned by Dave and John as well, left alone to be the wet blanket sitting away from everyone else. Karkat wanted to relax and have a good time, but everything about his surroundings right now was just so unfamiliar and chaotic; he didn't do well in new situations.

"Yo, midget," Dave called, causing Karkat to look back over. "Take your drink, we're going to knock these fuckers back faster than it takes you to start sobbing during one of your shitty chick flicks."

"... Karkat, those make you cry?" John asked, his own shot already in hand.

"No!" the Cancer defended himself, eying the tiny beverage suspiciously. "... Okay, well... sometimes. Fuck! Since when is it such a crime to feel some sort of emotion while watching such cinematic masterpieces? Not all of us can be a straight faced douchebag hiding behind aviator shades."

"Whatever man, you still suck. On three," Dave instructed. "One, two-"

"Wait, wait, what exactly do we do on three?"

"It's pretty easy," John said, placing the small glass into Karkat's hand. "When Dave counts to three, you have to drink the entire thing as fast as you can."

"Oh... so that must be why it's so little. Wow, that's pretty fucking stupid. 'Let's charge full price for about one swallow of beverage'. I guess it works on assholes like you two, though."

"Dude, quite stalling. We're doing this," Dave cut in. "One, two, three."

At once then, the two humans quickly brought the glass to their lips, hastily emptying its contents. Karkat was slow to the draw, and he watched them for a second before looking back down at his own shot.

This seemed like a bad idea.

… Fuck it, maybe it would help him loosen up and have some form of fun.

Without dwelling on the thought a minute longer, Karkat quickly dumped the the drink past his lips and instantly regretted doing so. It was the foulest thing he'd ever tasted, and he had to put a hand over his mouth just to keep from spitting it back out. He hesitated for a moment, his think pan torn with what to do now that this putrid liquid was sloshing around on his tongue.

Sweet blistering hell, it actually burned.

Faced with the option to either force himself to swallow or to spit the beverage out everywhere and be tormented the rest of the night, Karkat chose the former. It took all of his will power, but he managed to get the drink down and it felt like fire running all the way to his nutrition sack.

"What is wrong with you idiots?" the Cancer spluttered, looking around to try and find something to wash the taste out of his mouth.

John instantly started laughing, leaning back a little as he did so. Dave didn't seem all that fazed, and he motioned the bartender back over to them.

"No way, no more nasty drinks," Karkat insisted, his head already beginning to feel the effects of the awful thing.

"You really need to lighten up. We're at a club man, try to get the pole out of your ass," Dave said, abandoning his quest to get the bartender's attention.

"For your information-"

"Hello boys."

Terezi suddenly emerged from the crowd, much to the Cancer's dismay, and casually slid into the empty seat between Karkat and John.

"Having fun?" she asked.

"So much fun!" John beamed. "You just missed it, we got Karkat to take a shot!"

"Oh? Look who's finally grown out of the awkward stage of wiggler days."

"It was fucking disgusting," the shorter troll griped.

"Really?" Terezi asked, tilting her head. "What did you give him?"

"Four Horsemen," Dave answered with a smug sort of pride that made Karkat want to punch his teeth in.

"That's a rough one. Good job Karkles!"

"Good job? Oh yes, because it's such a fucking accomplishment to have this shitty taste in my mouth for the rest of the night."

"Exactly!" the Libra cackled. "Anyway, would you two mind of I steal my matesprit? I'm going to get him _so _pregnant out on that dance floor."

"Please," Karkat said.

"... Eww," John replied, now looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Let's go make that baby Terezi," Dave said as he got up from his seat.

The two walked off onto the dance floor and were soon swallowed up. Karkat was actually kind of glad Terezi had pulled the human away. All Dave had to do was tease him a bit and he'd be forcing himself to drink some other gross beverage.

"So..." John said after a bout of silence. "You're really not going to have anything else?"

"Don't tell me you actually enjoyed that shit!"

"Haha, no way, it was totally nasty. There's other drinks though... some of them are actually really good."

"Bullshit, I'm not falling for that Egbert! Drink all the horrible 'alcohol' you want, I'm not submitting my nutrition sack to another round of that."

"Okay, wait, hear me out," John insisted. "You like sweet things, right? So like, they have drinks like that! Hold on, I'll get you one."

"John, no. I don't want-"

"Bartender!" the human yelled, flailing his arms like an imbecile. "I want to get a drink for my friend here!"

John was clearly feeling the soporific effects.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked.

"Give me a Long Island Iced Tea... and a Cosmopolitan for Karkat."

The bartender left to prepare the drinks, and in the time that he was gone the nubby horned troll had to listen to a decently intoxicated John babble on about 'how much he was going to like this'. He'd say this and then giggle inanely as if he'd just told some hilarious joke. Finally, the bartender returned with their drinks and unceremoniously set them down.

Karkat hadn't really been expecting how... feminine his looked.

"... Why do I have a sissy pink beverage in front of me?"

"You'll like it, trust me," John said, taking a long sip from his own drink. "It's really sweet."

The Cancer wasn't about to fall for any lame ass pranks the human could be trying to pull, so he cautiously leaned over to sniff the pink liquid. Surprisingly enough, John seemed to be telling the truth; it had a pleasant, fruity aroma.

"... I don't have to drink it all at once, do I?" the troll asked, noting that this drink was quite a bit larger than the last.

"Nah, you can drink it at your own pace."

"Since when do you know all about this kind of stuff anyway?"

"I really don't know that much I guess, but... Well, remember that one time when all of us went to the club and you and Gamzee stayed home?"

"I guess?"

"Dave told me to get a Long Island Iced Tea. I liked it so I just always kind of get that now."

"Okay, that makes sense... but what about my drink? This isn't some sort of weird experiment is it?"

"Uh... not exactly."

"Damn it, what do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"Well... this was the drink that Jade had ended up getting."

Karkat groaned.

"She said it was really good though! Come on dude, just try it!"

The nubby horned troll continued to stare his drink down for a few more minutes until he tentatively leaned over and took a small sip.

Oh.

That was actually not terrible.

Karkat contentedly took another sip, and John almost seemed more excited than he was over the fact that it wasn't making him retch. On top of that, the drink was washing that horrible taste from earlier out of his mouth.

Yeah... this was pretty good.

"Wow Egbert, you managed to not fuck something up."

"I knew you'd like it!"

Karkat fell silent, satisfied enough to just sit and enjoy his beverage in this little spot away from the craziness of the club, but John was soon babbling on about some scene in a movie the troll would never see. Normally, the Cancer knew he would have been annoyed with the human or telling him to fuck off, but for some reason it didn't really bother him that much right now.

Actually, he was feeling kind of happy.

The club really wasn't that bad; the music even sounded like it'd gotten better.

His think pan drifted for a moment to thoughts of Gamzee and wondering if he was still out there thrashing about. The corner of his lip turned up into a snicker, and the thought of his moirail-sprit dancing like an idiot now struck him as hilarious. Fighting back his giggles, Karkat noted with a bit of disappointment that his... what had John called it? 'Cosmopolitan'. His Cosmopolitan was already half gone; if he wasn't careful, the rest of it would be gone and then he wouldn't have it to drink anymore.

"Hey John! Hey Karkat!"

The short troll regarded his drink with a bit of confusion; it had almost sounded like Jade.

"Um... Karkat?"

"Don't worry about him," John answered, turned around in his barstool for some reason. "I think he might be a bit drunk... What's up Jade?"

Karkat turned to face the same direction John was, and upon seeing Jade he realized that his beverage hadn't really been the one talking to him.

Okay, maybe that was enough of this soporific human stuff.

"Have either of you seen Rose or Kanaya?" the Witch asked. "I lost them about twenty minutes ago, and now I can't seem to find them again."

"Twenty minutes?" Karkat asked in disbelief, his train of thought a bit muddied by his current state. "But... fuck, didn't we just get here?"

"Um... Karkat, we've been here for like two hours now."

"Holy shit, really?" he asked.

"Did you check the girl's bathroom?" John queried, ignoring Karkat's confusion.

"Yes, but they weren't in there."

The two continued back and forth with guesses as to where Rose and Kanaya might have gotten off to, and Karkat was soon tuning them out. He didn't really care where those two were; in fact, he didn't really care about much of anything right now.

The music's beat was starting to sound pretty tempting, though.

Karkat subtly nodded his head in time, staring out into the crowd of trolls and people alike. Somewhere out there, Gamzee was dancing his vascular pump out.

As if that mere thought was enough to magically summon him, the taller troll was suddenly squeezing off of the dance floor, making his way over to Karkat with a giant smile on his face. He looked really happy, and the nubby horned troll couldn't help but smile back in response.

"Hey motherfucker," the Capricorn said, standing in front of him. "Well if that ain't just the cutest little miracle the mirthful messiahs ever got their whimsy to pull."

"Huh?" Karkat asked, his think pan still very much in a haze.

"Just talking about that happy little face you're like to be making at me."

Was he still smiling?

The Cancer shook his head some, trying in vain to restore his thoughts to their prior state of coherency and orderliness. This didn't work, of course, and the dull stupor he had continued to deny his intellect.

Instead, he found himself saying this.

"I want to dance."

Gamzee didn't answer him right away, and he looked a bit surprise to hear the request. Now that he thought about it, Karkat was also surprised he'd even asked it.

He did though.

He really wanted to dance right now.

"Oh... yeah! Yeah, sure thing bro," the Capricorn said happily, extending a hand to the nubby horned troll. "Let's crack this floor right the fuck open."

Karkat eagerly accepted Gamzee's hand, using it to balance himself as he got up from the barstool. When he started moving, the club and all its colorful lights seemed to move with him, but only for a second before falling back into place.

He felt a bit weird; dizzy, but without being sick.

"Whoa," he mumbled, clinging onto the taller troll.

"You got this bro?" Gamzee asked, winding an arm around his shoulders.

"Uh..."

Karkat blinked for a few minutes, wondering if he actually would be able to dance. He really wanted to, and now that he was actually standing, he didn't feel as lost as when he'd first gotten up.

"... Yeah," he said finally. "Yeah, let's dance."

Now aware that Gamzee's arm was still draped over him, the nubby horned troll shirked it off and got the feel for standing on his own. He smiled to himself at his accomplishment, then looked up to the Capricorn who was grinning ear to ear.

What was he so smiley about?

Karkat disregarded his moirail-sprit's behavior and instead started making his way out onto the dance floor. The music was still going full force, and it seemed as if he'd managed to get out there right as the song was beginning to change. Gamzee was right behind him, and he was the first to take to the new beat and start dancing. The Cancer watched him for a while, and before he knew it he was shaking his hips and moving in time to the music.

Shit, this was actually really fun.

The short troll laughed suddenly, earning a chuckle from Gamzee in response, and he looked up to meet his moirail-sprit's gaze as they danced together, probably for the first time ever.

Was it?

Who cares? He'd figure it out in the morning.

* * *

"Damn, four in the morning," Dave said, leaning against the wall outside as they waited for their cab. "Not too bad."

"That was so awesome," John said in awe, sitting on the curb next to Jade.

Terezi was curled up into her matesprit as she stood, looking barely conscious at this point, and Rose was completely knocked out on Jade's lap. Kanaya was standing off a bit awkwardly on the side, and she hadn't really said much to any of them now that they were outside. Taking a deep breath, Karkat took stock for a moment to how much his think pan was returning to its former functionality. His body was starting to ache, and the beginnings of a headache could be felt creeping dully up the base of his neck.

He was too tired to complain though.

The nubby horned troll was still very bitter over the whole situation; despite himself, he'd had fun at this stupid club. Hell, he'd even managed to make a fool of himself by dancing around like a dumbass for half an hour.

All he really wanted to do now was go home and get some sleep.

Gamzee, on the other hand, still looked to be just as energetic and awake as he had been when they'd first gotten there. He must have been burning some of that excess energy that trolls of his blood color had; Karkat would have to keep that in mind for later. However, the Cancer sure as fuck wasn't about to do this every night just to keep the taller troll stable.

Still, it was a start.

"Ugh, my feet hurt," Jade said. "How much longer till that taxi gets here?"

"Shouldn't be much longer," Dave answered. "I called them sixteen minutes and thirty seven seconds ago."

Terezi snickered a bit at his side, and Karkat was frankly too tired to even wonder why. Gamzee walked over and sat down next to him, and he tilted his head to better look at him.

"You going to be okay in the taxi?" the Cancer asked.

The taller troll looked a bit unsure, and he glanced down the street before giving a bit of a half-smile.

"A motherfucker could probably be to dealing with it I guess."

Karkat sighed; Gamzee was probably stable enough that he could handle the drive back, but he'd likely be uncomfortable and claustrophobic the whole way. The Cancer's feet hurt, and it was probably even colder now out here than it had been before, but the walk back wasn't too ridiculously far.

"We're walking," he decided with an air of finality.

"... Thanks bro."

A yellow taxi van suddenly pulled up into view, and Kanaya and Jade were quick to helping an unconscious Rose inside. John went after them, followed by Dave and Terezi until all six of them were comfortably inside.

"You sure you'd rather walk Karkles?" Terezi asked. "It's a bit far."

"Yeah, we'll be fine. Just go already."

The blind troll shut the door, and in moments the four wheeled beast was driving away. Gamzee and Karkat silently watched until it was out of sight, and then began walking off themselves. Leading the way, the nubby horned troll flinched a bit as he suddenly felt the taller troll's fingers slipping between his own. The Cancer looked up to him, but decided to let this little public display of affection slide; after all, it was really early in the morning, and he doubted anyone would be around to see it.

"I'm glad you had fun Karbro," Gamzee said as they walked along.

"Whatever... I guess it wasn't _that _bad."

The Capricorn leaned over then, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Karkat smiled to himself, squeezing his moirail-sprit's hand. Suddenly, though, the nubby horned troll felt something on his head. With a bit of confusion, he ran his free hand through his hair to try and feel what it was. As he did this he felt the same sensation, but this time on the back of his hand.

It was cold.

… And then wet?"

Karkat stopped walking and craned his neck up to the sky, hoping to see some sort of explanation for what was going on. It took him a moment, but a half smile crossed his face as he realized what it was. Unlike weird pink drinks or blaring 'clubs', he knew exactly what this was.

"Oh shit," Gamzee said, smiling up at the sky. "Are those snowflakes?"

"Yeah," Karkat murmured, feeling strangely at peace as the snow began its descent. "It is."

* * *

Oh no.

No, this was not good.

Rose was asleep now, but soon she'd wake up and remember.

Kanaya paced her block, wanting to go to sleep but too anxious to. The night's events continued to replay in her mind. Talking, dancing, drinking...

And kissing.

Lots of kissing.

The Virgo buried her face in her hands, trying her best to calm down and figure out what she was going to do about this. As if things right now weren't crazy enough, she'd succumbed to the soporific effects of those human beverages.

She just hoped that in the morning, Rose wouldn't remember a thing.


	39. SNOW D4Y SH3N4N1G4NS

**A/N: Updated version of chapter 39. ***WARNING: NSFW*****

SNOW D4Y SH3N4N1G4NS

Jade sat out on the couch in the living room, the television's volume kept low so as not to wake the others. It was already almost nine o'clock, but with how much they had partied the night before, she doubted anyone else would be up so soon. Hell, the only reason she was even up was because she was still so used to getting up at seven to go to her classes. She'd been more than a little frustrated when she'd woken up so early and been unable to go back to sleep, and now she was passing the time with whatever mindless show was on TV.

"For fresher breath-"

"Your own, natural hair-"

"Guadalupe... lo siento, pero-"

With a click, the television was put on mute as Jade tried to think over whether or not there were any channels she'd yet to try. The Witch sighed, half convinced that for once there really wasn't anything to watch. It was too early to start making breakfast, though, so she didn't have a whole lot of options for entertainment.

Maybe she could watch the news?

It was boring, but at least it was informative.

Switching over to the news channel, Jade set the remote down and went over to the kitchenette. While it was just a little too soon for breakfast, a small snack while she waited would be nice. She popped one of the Jiffy muffins she'd made a few nights ago into the microwave, fetching the butter from the refrigerator as she waited for it to finish. Once it was done, she cut it in half and slathered a decently sized glob of butter on each side.

Returning to the couch, she froze suddenly when she looked back up and saw what was on the television screen. The words 'breaking news' were running across the bottom, and the newscaster appeared to be speaking from a dump of sorts. Behind him, several police officers were rooting around and it was the sight of one troll's lifeless body that sparked Jade's panic. She set her muffin on her lap and quickly fumbled around to turn the volume back up with the remote so she could hear what was being said.

"...estimated to be around fifty trolls dead. While bodies have yet to be identified, it is probably a safe bet that this is the work of the same criminal still at large for the infamous fifteen troll murders over a month ago."

No, no this couldn't be.

That meant that Gamzee... he...

"We are still searching relentlessly for the perpetrator," a police officer said into the newsman's microphone. "Up until this point the trail had gone cold, but now it appears that we may have been looking in the wrong places. Whoever did this, they've only gotten sneakier."

How could this be?

He really seemed to be doing well lately and...

But then, she hadn't realized something was wrong before either.

"For those of you just tuning in, we're talking about the gruesome discovery of over fifty troll corpses in the depths of the city dump," the newsman was on screen again. "Until further notice, all troll citizens are suggested to keep on guard for possible threats."

Had Gamzee... had he really...?

"Anyone with any information that might help police locate and detain this individual are encouraged to contact-"

"Yo dog sis, getting your TV watching on?"

Jade changed the channel as a knee-jerk reaction, barely containing her yelp as Gamzee's voice suddenly called out behind her. Now incredibly nervous, she kept very still on the couch as if moving would somehow make him attack her.

Wait, she was being silly.

He wouldn't do something so foolish out in the open like this.

"Oh... Just channel surfing," she managed, throwing a halfhearted chuckle at the end to try and sound convincing. "What... er, why are you up so early? Heh... Usually we have to wake you up."

"Yeah, I guess it is kind of motherfucking quick for a day to be getting its start," the troll responded.

Thank goodness.

He didn't seem to pick up on how nervous she was.

"It's Karkat," Gamzee went on, and Jade peaked over the back of the couch to see him getting a glass out of the cupboard. "My bro's got to feeling himself all sick like. Motherfucker's in there hugging the load gaper and giving a final 'later yo' to what got its settling on in his nutrition sack yesterday."

"He isn't feeling well? That's terrible!" Jade answered, resisting the urge to growl as she saw Miracle hop up on the counter to join Gamzee. "Well... he did have an awful lot to drink last night, from what I heard anyway."

"True facts bitchtits."

"... Um... There's some painkillers in the bathroom... ibuprofen... you should probably bring him two of those as well."

Gamzee stopped for a second, glancing over to the bathroom as she spoke.

"You think it'd help a bro out?"

"Yes! Yes, I think they would," Jade responded, awkwardly tapping her fingers together.

"Shit, I'll try it then. Can't have my choicest of motherfuckers feeling salty and-"

The tall troll stopped speaking then, and he appeared to be looking out of the window next to the television. Jade turned to see what he was looking at, but then looked back to him; what was he so fixated on?

"... Is all that white mirth snow?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, it really came down heavy last night..."

"Motherfucker, it's so pretty and shit! Man, I have to tell Karbro about this," Gamzee turned to head back to their room with his glass of water, but stopped halfway and started towards the bathroom instead. "Oh wait, I almost forgot. Got to get them human miracle pills."

Jade cautiously watched as he went into the bathroom and fetched the bottle of ibuprofen, keeping her guard up despite her best efforts to remain calm. She couldn't help it; there was a killer in the house! Gamzee had already snapped and murdered not just once but twice; why had they all just assumed he'd never do it again?

"Thanks again sis," he said, emerging from the bathroom and walking to his room once more.

"... Make sure he drinks all the water... and um... he should probably go back to sleep after."

"Got it!"

With that, Gamzee disappeared into his and Karkat's room, leaving Jade to sit there and fret over what she should do about this information she'd discovered. None of them really watched the news all that much, so who knew when someone else would catch on? No; she had to act with what she knew.

… But what could she do?

Maybe she should talk to one of the others.

Kanaya! Kanaya would know what to do!

Releasing a soft sigh, the Witch tried to calm herself with the knowledge that she wouldn't have to be alone in this. Kanaya was familiar with Gamzee's ways, surely she would know how best to handle the situation.

Now if she could just wait for the rainbow drinker to wake up.

* * *

Rancid bloody pus spewing fuck, make it stop.

Karkat's insides were alight again, and his claws scratched against the smooth surface of the load gaper's porcelain frame as he threw up once more. His head throbbed with every passing second, and were it not for the vile smell coming from the emptied contents of his nutrition sack, he probably would have been content to just keep his head hung there.

He would _never_ drink again.

The ablution block was dark, and that was about the only thing Karkat was grateful for at the moment. His hand awkwardly reached up to try and find the flush handle on its own, but in his currently debilitating state the best it managed was some failed swats at the air. Growling to himself, the nubby horned troll dropped his hand and groggily lifted his head up to try and find the lever.

"Let me get that bro," Gamzee whispered and Karkat could feel an arm reaching over him to flush the load gaper.

Grumbling something that could have been a 'thanks', the Cancer flinched as the sound the load gaper made seemed to reverberate off of everything in the ablution block. Everything was too loud right now for his overly sensitive auricular sponge clots. Hell, Gamzee had only even known to whisper because Karkat had chewed him out the first time for his initial, loud greeting.

"You think your nutrition sack's done making the rumblies?" the Capricorn asked, his hand running comfortingly along the nubby horned troll's back.

Karkat thought for a few minutes, trying to figure out through the haze of his pain whether or not he was done puking.

Yeah... okay, that seemed to be the last one.

"Mhm," he said weakly, too drained to try and pretend he didn't want Gamzee taking care of him.

"Let's get you to the couch bro," the taller troll instructed as he helped move him to his feet. "I got you some water and human medicine shit. We'll get you settled real comfy like and get that sickness right up out."

Karkat felt the Capricorn's arm slide under his shoulders for support, and his feet dragged with each step as he was guided to the couch. He groaned a bit as he was brought into the slightly lighter conditions of their respiteblock. Squinting his eyes, the Cancer all but completely collapsed once he was finally next to the couch.

"Come on motherfucker, have to sit up," Gamzee said, leaving him to get the glass of water and bottle of pain killers from their dresser.

The shorter troll let out a louder, even more irritated groan at this, but after a few minutes and some troublesome shifting, he was able to move to a sit. His moirail-sprit smiled warmly at him, carefully handing him the glass of water before sitting next to him on the couch.

"Down all of that wicked elixir Karbro," the Capricorn said.

"It's just water," Karkat answered, his dry throat making his voice sound hoarser than he expected.

He took a long sip from the beverage nonetheless, eager for anything to quench his thirst. Why the fuck was he so thirsty anyway? Half of the water was gone in a few big gulps, and Karkat sighed as another throb of pain ran through his think pan.

This sucked so fucking much.

"You're also supposed to take these," Gamzee murmured, dumping two pills out of the bottle of ibuprofen and handing them to Karkat.

"... No."

"Come on bro, it'll make you feel better."

"Gamzee, do you even know what's in that shit?" Karkat protested. "For all you know, it might not even work on trolls."

"Can't hurt."

"Bullshit, it's probably poison."

No sooner had he said that than a sharp twinge of pain pulsed through his head once more. He bit back the ache and took another sip from his water, noting with mild annoyance that it did seem to be helping some. Gamzee's arm wrapped around his shoulders, and despite himself Karkat found the comfort of moving closer to his moirail-sprit too tempting to resist.

"But Karbro," the soft voice of the Capricorn murmured. "You'll be stuck in here all day trying to get your shit settled if you don't. These little miracles will take the pain away... then later we can enjoy that fluffy white shit outside."

… What?

The nubby horned troll looked up at him incredulously for a minute, trying to figure out what he'd been trying to say, "... The fuck are you talking about?" he finally grumbled.

"The snow, my invertabrother," Gamzee said, gently kissing his hair. "Them little flakes we did like to be seeing last night brought some friends."

"What's so fantastic about that?"

"... Well shit... I guess I wouldn't really know," the Capricorn said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've never up and experienced it before Karbro... not for myself anyway."

"... Seriously?"

"True shit my invertabrother."

"Oh," the shorter troll mumbled in response. "... I'm going to go back to sleep."

"Bro. Medicine first."

"Gamzee, I don't-"

"Karkat," the taller troll said in a stern voice that the Cancer didn't know he had. "... please."

The nubby horned troll said nothing in response; he really didn't trust this weird human medicine. However, Gamzee really seemed to think that this was a good idea, and anything would probably be better than the dull ache in his head.

"... Fine." Karkat hesitated, but finally tossed the pills in his mouth and downed them with the rest of his water. "Now fuck you, I'm going back to my recuperacoon."

"Sleep well motherfucker," the taller troll said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before he got up. "Maybe if you're up and feeling better later, we can get our fun times going in the snow."

The Cancer sighed, walking over to his recuperacoon with heavy feet. Maybe after a few more hours of sleep, he'd feel less like he'd just been dropped head first off of a twenty story building.

* * *

Kanaya sighed deeply, too tired to do much more than that.

What was she going to do about this mess?

The rainbow drinker had barely slept a wink the night prior, and her think pan was still a bit fried from that fact alone. She couldn't help it; anytime she had tried to sleep, thoughts would drift back to whether or not Rose would remember their sloppy makeouts. Those thoughts would be sequestered only to rear up again in the form of remembering Karkat and the highbloods.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Rubbing her temples, the Virgo tried yet again to sort out her thoughts one by one. She figured she should probably start with Rose seeing as the only thing keeping that topic at bay right now was one rather nasty hangover on the Seer's end. She did still have feelings for the girl, but was it really a good idea to pursue them to a romantic relationship? Once things were sorted out with Karkat and these highbloods, she'd be heading back to the brooding caverns where she'd likely live for the rest of her life. Would it even be possible to make a relationship work with that constraint? Matesprits were allowed to dwell with the trolls who tended the brooding caverns, but Rose's entire lifestyle would change if she were to come with her; it was an awful lot to ask of _anyone_. Feelings notwithstanding, this was a delicate matter that involved more than just-

Kanaya's thoughts were cut off by a sudden rap at the door.

"... Who is it?" she asked hesitantly, fearing for an instant that Rose might have somehow magically lost her hangover and was coming to talk to her about the matter right now.

"Um, it's Jade," a timid voice replied.

Thank goodness; she wasn't ready to deal with the Seer yet.

"Come in," Kanaya said, shelving her muddled thoughts for now.

The human gently pushed the door open before slipping inside and closing it behind her. Kanaya instantly picked up on her worried expression and pursed her lips; now what could this be about?

"Um... well, I'm not sure if I'm going to the right person- er, troll... but I was watching the news this morning..." Jade said, wringing her hands a bit.

Oh dear, that story never ended well.

"The news reporter said that they'd found a whole bunch of... of dead trolls in the city dump," the Witch went on, a look of distress as she finally confessed what she probably thought would warrant some reaction of shock or surprise.

Unfortunately for her, Kanaya knew the full story.

Just as equally unfortunate, she knew how bad this probably looked for a certain blockmate in their apartment-stem.

She said nothing in response for a few minutes, digesting the information and trying to think of an appropriate answer. The human already looked confused that she wasn't immediately panicking over this development, so what could she say? Too many people already knew about the hidden subjugglators in the city, why they were here; letting one more know would further complicate things. As it was, the rainbow drinker was already concerned with what could happen should Gamzee figure it out.

"... I see," she said finally, tapping her fingers together. "I will handle the matter."

"But how? What are you going to do?" Jade asked, worry etched in every feature of her expression. "And Karkat spends so much time with him, what if he gets hurt?"

"Jade," the Virgo said, smiling gently at her. "Please, I know this must be a frightening discovery for you, but in the end this is really a matter between trolls... I will take care of it."

The human didn't seem convinced by this, and for a long while she just sat there with that look of confusion and distrust apparent on her face. After a few minutes, though, she finally gave a slight nod and halfheartedly smiled at Kanaya.

"... Okay," she said, getting up to leave. "I'll leave it alone."

"Thank you. You're trust isn't misplaced, I assure you."

Jade got up with that, and was then exiting the block as quickly as she had entered. Once she was gone, Kanaya buried her face in her hands and heaved a big sigh.

When had things become so complicated?

* * *

Gamzee plucked at his guitar strings, practicing the different chords he'd managed to commit to memory. He'd only learned about six of them, but he made sure he knew them forward and back; soon, he'd have all of the chords memorized and he'd be able to make something of them. Shit, maybe he'd even make a song for his Karbro with all them notes.

The tall troll's guitar playing was disrupted by the sounds of what was likely a lethargic Cancer crawling out of his recuperacoon. Surely enough, when Gamzee looked over to check on Karkat, he was emerging from the poisonous slime and looking like his usual, cranky self. That long smile stayed on the Capricorn's face, and he set his guitar aside.

"Hey motherfucker," he said softly, remembering to keep quiet at the last second. "How you feeling?"

"Like I've wasted my entire fucking morning passed out as if I'd been beaten over the head with a human sandman's baseball bat."

"Whoa, bro, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," Karkat grumbled, rubbing his eyes and fussing with the sopor clinging to his skin, hair and clothes. "I'm fine, just kind of incredibly disgusting right now. I'm hopping in the trap."

"Sounds good."

Gamzee continued to watch him as he trudged over to the ablution block, finally tearing his gaze away once the door was shut. He half considered picking his guitar back up, but then decided against it; he'd had enough practice for the day. It was getting close to lunch time anyway, and his nutrition sack was starting to get a wicked case of the rumblies.

Now that he thought about it, Karkat would probably be hungry too.

After all, anything sating his hunger had probably been given back by means of their load gaper this morning.

The troll hoisted himself up from the couch and leisurely made his way back to the kitchen. If he was remembering correctly, there was some delicious pizza bitches chilling the fuck out in the thermal hull. He'd just whip those motherfuckers out, pop them up in the microwave, and then he and Karkat could get their munch on together.

While waiting for the pizzas to finish cooking, Gamzee tried to keep his think pan occupied with what was going on around him and not with ideas about Karkat in the ablution trap. One day, if they ever up and did more with each other, it'd probably be fun to get some mirth going there.

Shaking his head free of that train of thought, he took to watching the pizzas go around and around in the microwave. They only took about a minute to heat up, and as the loud 'ding' sounded he took them back out. He took a quick sniff of their lunch and couldn't stop the smile from coming to his face; hot food on a cold day was the most bitchtits of miracles. Gamzee turned and began heading back to his and Karkat's respiteblock, food in tow, and gave a small wave to Jade as she popped out of Kanaya and Terezi's block.

Wait, did the block still belong to them if Kanaya had moved out and Terezi rarely slept in there?

… He could think on that later; right now, he had a cute little motherfucker to feed.

"Meow."

Gamzee stopped, looking down to see Miracle staring up at him expectantly. She rubbed up against his leg, pulling the smile on his face even wider. With his free hand, he scooped her up and plopped her onto his head; she weighed considerably more than she had when they'd first gotten her, but that wasn't even something for the troll to get his concern about. Sometimes motherfuckers got their bad selves to growing; it was all part of life.

"Karbro, you clean yet?" he called, slipping into their respiteblock and shutting the door behind him. "I got us some munchies."

The shorter troll was just pulling down the rest of his shirt, giving the Capricorn the slightest of glimpses at the dark gray vestigial leg scars on his sides. Gamzee could already feel his think pan drifting towards those images of his bro, and he quickly squashed them with thoughts of the pizza in his hands.

"Oh... thanks," Karkat replied simply, taking one of the slices and sitting down on the couch.

Gamzee sat on the other side of him, setting the plate down between them before taking up one of the slices himself. Miracle hopped off of his head, taking instead to exploring their respiteblock as she had hundreds of times before. The trolls ate in silence for a few moments, and that was just pretty motherfucking okay; it was a comfortable silence where they could just enjoy eating and being with each other.

And the taller troll was all for feeling that enjoyment any day.

"So," Karkat said suddenly, breaking the quiet that had settled in their block as he took another bite of his pizza. "Are you still fixated on thrashing about in the snow like an idiot?"

The question took Gamzee by surprise, and it took him a second to recall their earlier conversation about the weather outside. The taller troll had heard of snow before, seen it in pictures and on television and such, but it had never actually gotten its settle on where his hive was situated. At the most, he'd get a pretty salty rain; but that was about it.

"... Serious bro?" he asked, now growing very excited at the prospect of having some mirthful times in the snow. "I'm all to be getting my anticipatory senses going on that white fluff!"

"Okay, well I think a simple, 'Sure Karkat, that's not a shitty idea' would have sufficed but whatever," the nubby horned troll said, his light tone betraying the usual bite in his words. "But you're not going out in just your ratty old t-shirt. After we finish eating you need to put on something warmer. I'm not about to be nursing your sick, clowny asshole self back to health if you catch a cold."

"True shit, best friend," the Capricorn said, putting down the rest of his pizza and heading over to their dresser. "I'm like to change these clothes right motherfucking now!"

"Damn it, at least finish eating!"

"Honk! How can a motherfucker get his chow on when there's like to be all this mirthful times going on around him?" Gamzee responded, already pulling out a long sleeve shirt from the drawer. "Will this work bro?"

"You're fucking impossible... is that really the best you have?"

"Well... I've got that tits beanie and my hoodie."

"Of course. Am I the only troll intelligent enough to buy clothes in preparation for very likely shifts in the weather? You're going to freeze your ass off you Faygo chugging douche nozzle. What about gloves? Do you have gloves?"

"Sure do, best friend," Gamzee said, proudly pulling out his black, fingerless gloves with smiley faces on them.

"... How is your think pan not processing this? Gamzee, those gloves have holes in them; you'll get frostbite. Ugh... I can't even lend you my extra pair because your hands are fucking huge."

The taller troll looked down at his hands, noting for the first time how much bigger they were than Karkat's. Now that he thought about it, a lot of him was bigger than his dual quadrant bro. It kind of made that motherfucker all that much more adorable; being all little and shit.

"Earth to troll; focus idiot," Karkat said, waving his hand and recapturing Gamzee's attention. "We need to find you proper gloves... maybe we could check with the others to see if they have something you could wear. The girls won't, but John or Dave might-"

"Not Dave."

The nubby horned troll stared at him for a few minutes, a concerned look on his face at this response. Gamzee looked away and returned to his search for warm clothing; he didn't want to think about that blasphemous motherfucker, much less talk about him.

"... You have to let that go," Karkat said quietly, getting up and walking to the door. "It's not good for you to hold onto this stupid grudge of yours... I'll go ask John if he has any gloves."

The Capricorn said nothing to his moirail-sprit's words of warning, deciding to shelf the topic for now. Today was going to be filled with lots of miracles; there was no time for dwelling on such harshness.

With a bit of effort, the tall troll eventually pieced together a decent winter outfit with his beanie, hoodie, long sleeve shirt, pants, and two borrowed clothing items in the form of Karkat's scarf and John's gloves. The latter was a bit of a snug fit, but they'd have to do. His chill motherfucker's winter wear was a lot less mismatched, and Gamzee couldn't help but grin at how cute his bundled up bro looked.

"Alright, let's go," Karkat said, leading the way out of the apartment-stem. "If we move quickly we might be able to avoid having our other stupid blockmates join us."

"Sounds good bro. Honk!"

They walked out to where concrete met snow at the edge of the apartment-stem building, and Gamzee didn't hesitate to step into the fluffy white powder covering the ground. It made a soft 'crunch' under his feet, and his teeth curled from ear to ear as they began to walk along.

"This shit's amazing motherfucker," he said, looking down at Karkat.

"Oh yeah, nothing more amazing than frozen water," the shorter troll responded with a roll of his eyes.

They progressed with little conversation, and it didn't take long for Gamzee to figure out that they were walking to the outskirts of the city. When he thought about it, he concluded that that was probably the best location for fun in the snow; they wouldn't have to worry about any other motherfuckers getting their snoop on.

Least of all those highbloods lurking about.

Gamzee reflected for the first time on the fact that his think pan had been surprisingly calm since yesterday evening; it was as if that angry voice in his head just up and left. All in all, he actually felt considerably more chill than he had been ever since he'd stopped eating sopor. He chocked this up to being another miracle from the mirthful messiahs and let the train of thought go with that.

"... You've really never been out in the snow before?"

The taller troll looked down to his companion, a curious look at the unexpected question. "Nope, can't say that I get my remembering on to times most frosty," he responded. "Me and Goatdad were situated by the salty seas; like to be where it never got that cold."

"Consider yourself lucky," Karkat grumbled. "Nothing's more miserable than sloughing this shit off your lawnring every fucking day."

"Aw, I think it's kind of pretty... it's all up and sparkling, best friend."

"Well, I guess this particular snow isn't that bad."

"There's different kinds of snow?" the Capricorn asked, trying to imagine if he'd seen any other types in movies. "Are some colorful?"

"Fucking shitsponge... no, it's not colorful. The texture of the snow; the way it feels and what you can do with it. It's all still just frozen water."

"... So snow is just ice?"

"Sure Gamzee. Snow is ice. Really weird, badly put together ice."

"Honk!"

"Whatever, the point is that this snow is probably the best for what we need it for."

Gamzee couldn't have stopped smiling even if he'd wanted to; he'd been hoping that they'd get to do more than just walk through the snow, and it seemed like his hopes hadn't been in vain. He didn't inquire more on the subject though, worried that if he spoke the mirth, it would get its vanish on from him.

Before long, the two were stopping at a clearing of sorts and Karkat was looking around as if to confirm that they were alone. The Capricorn tilted his head some, smelling the cold, crisp air; it felt like he was right in one of those movies he and Goatdad used to watch together on 12th Perigee's Eve. It was pretty motherfucking miraculous, and for a few moments he just stood there and enjoyed being outside.

Suddenly, though, something cold hit him in the back of the head. It felt as if it had broken apart on impact, and the tall troll turned to see what it had been. Right as he turned, though, he was accosted once more by a lump of cold; this time right in the face.

"Honk!" he said as it hit him, falling back in confusion.

Sitting in the frozen, rapidly moistening pile of snow, the Capricorn couldn't help but chuckle as he realized what it had been.

It was those snowball things that trolls did like to throw at each other in mock war games.

Also because it was really fun.

"That was a sneaky trick motherfucker," Gamzee said after wiping the excess snow off his face and looking around to try and find Karkat. "Can't hide forever Kar-"

Before he could finish, another snowball hit him in the back.

And then another.

And another.

The tall troll quickly got to his feet, running in the opposite direction of the snowballs just in time to avoid the third one as it landed where he'd been sitting previously. With no readily available place to take shelter from the bombarding, he ducked behind the nearest tree and tried to locate his moirail-sprit in the frozen clearing.

He'd been right there a second ago; how'd that motherfucker move so fast?

Clearly there was no time to waste on answering that question, and so Gamzee crouched down into the snow to scoop up as much as he could. He then squished his hands together, watching with more than a little confusion as it all fell back onto the ground. Wasn't this shit supposed to turn into a ball? He played with it for a few minutes, getting used to the feel and texture of the snow; it was going to have to be crafted into a ball, he decided, and taking up a handful he set to work.

Every few seconds or so, he glanced over his shoulder to try and see where Karkat had gotten off to as well as to hopefully see any projectile snowballs before they hit. The cold quiet of the outskirts was empty, though, and so he was left to make his snowball in peace.

For now.

Finally, Gamzee had managed to mold a perfectly good snowball, and he smiled proudly at his accomplishment. Now armed with the snowball, he popped out from behind the tree, ready to assault his wicked motherfucker with the snowy mirth.

"Alright bro, I hope you got your motherfucking ready on to all this cold that this snowball's going to rain on you!"

The tall troll felt oddly triumphant as Karkat suddenly popped up from behind a bush, but such triumph quickly turned to surprise as he noted that the other was also holding a snowball in one hand...

… and a whole pile of snowballs cradled in his free arm.

"Whoa, calm them rumble spheres down motherfucker," Gamzee said, backing up some and carefully guarding his solitary snowball. "Let's just get this situation chilled. You can put those snow spheres down and we can get our-"

A flurry of snowballs rushed at him then, one after another, as Karkat's seemingly endless bombardment began. The Capricorn gave a loud 'honk' every time he was hit, doing his best to keep his own snowball from getting destroyed in the attack. With such a formidable onslaught, though, it wasn't long before he lost his footing and slipped onto the fluffy snow below.

Laying on his back, the troll stared up at the sky as the rain of snowballs finally stopped. He blinked, trying to reorient himself, and could hear the series of crunches that he correctly assumed was Karkat walking over to him. The shorter troll finally popped up in his vertical line of sight, looking down at him with a smug, victorious smirk on his face. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he could Gamzee swung his arm with the still intact snowball onto the side of his head.

"Fucking hell that's cold!" Karkat yelped, jumping and hastily wiping the snow off the side of his face. "Damn it Gamzee!"

The Capricorn laughed, moving up into a sit as his moirail-sprit flailed about to rid himself of the snow. His Karbro wasn't about to just let this slide, and soon the taller troll was tackled back onto the ground. The two began to wrestle, the Cancer trying his best to pin and choke hold Gamzee, but in the end the taller troll was just too strong. He managed to hold Karkat's arms in a vice behind him, and he leaned down to affectionately nuzzle his squirmy bro.

"Fine! Fine, you win!" the shorter troll growled. "It's not fair; I keep forgetting you have freakish clown strength. Let go!"

Gamzee obediently released Karkat, giving him a goofy grin as he quickly scurried away to rub his arms. Feeling rather content for the moment, the taller troll laid back in the snow and began waving his limbs side to side like they did in the movies.

"... What the fuck are you doing?" he heard the other troll ask.

"Snow beasts," Gamzee answered. "Come on bro, you can make one too. We can make them hold hands and shit."

"I'll pass."

"Aww... why? It'll be fun."

"How about because I'd rather not freeze my autoerogenous shame globes off by lying in the fucking snow?"

The tall troll stopped waving his arms for a second, trying not to picture what Karkat had just said. Was that even possible? That sounded really painful and he guessed he was kind of cold down there, but he didn't think it was possible to be that cold.

"I was joking nookstain," Karkat groaned, sitting down next to him. "It's just a phrase. Stop trying to spin those rusty gears in that sad excuse for a think pan; I can smell the fucking smoke from here."

"Shit bro, was it that motherfucking obvious?"

"Gamzee, most things with you are pretty obvious."

The Capricorn got up now, carefully stepping away from where he'd been laying to look down at his snow beast. It looked just like the ones in the movies, and he would have taken a picture on his cell phone had he felt like fishing it out of his miracle modus. He didn't quite feel like looking for his communication device in mounds and mounds of snow, though, so he decided he'd just have to enjoy its memory instead.

As he studied it, a thought came to him, "Bro, can we carve them wicked creatures out of the snow? Shit, those motherfucking... snow trolls or something. With the vegetable and stick parts."

Karkat didn't answer for a moment, his arms wrapped around himself as he stared down at Gamzee's snow beast as well. "We can make snow trolls tomorrow," he promised. "I'm pretty fucking cold right now, actually, and in case you haven't noticed we're in short supply of vegetables... unless you managed to stuff a whole bunch in your pockets without my knowledge. In which case, kindly knock yourself out."

"Nah bro... I can't say that I got some vegetables in these bitching pants of mine."

The taller troll stood there for a few minutes, and it didn't take him long to realize just how cold he was as well. How was that even motherfucking possible? It felt like they'd only been out here a little while... but then again, it was pretty cold outside, and rolling around in the snow like that made sure that that frosty stuff got in all kinds of places most unsettling.

"Let's head back," Karkat said, giving direction to the clown's scattered thoughts. "There's not much daylight left anyway; we can watch TV until dinner time. One of those Perigee's Eve specials is bound to be on. "

"Oh shit, I'm making hot cocoa," Gamzee announced, following the shorter troll as he began to head off. "Wait, wait! Do you want those little marshmallows in yours Karbro?"

"You know, as much as I want to berate you for how fucking random that was in addition to how excited you got over little white globules of sugar, that sounds pretty good right now."

As the two began to walk back to the apartment-stem, the Capricorn's think pan was buzzing with excitement over the hot chocolate. He was going to pull out all the stops on those motherfuckers; marshmallows, whip cream, them fancy little chocolate shavings on top... did they have any of those cookie straw things? Karkat would probably love something like that.

Soon the two were reentering the apartment-stem, Karkat heading to their respiteblock to find something to watch and Gamzee heading to the kitchenette to prepare their hot chocolates.

"Hey Karkat, hey Gamzee!" John said chipperly, already watching something out in the living room. "Have fun in the snow?"

"What the fuck, why is it so hot in here?" the Cancer grumbled, taking his hat off as he shut the door to their block.

"So much motherfucking fun," Gamzee said in answer to John's question. "Where do we keep that tits hot cocoa?"

"Cupboard with the cereal, top shelf."

"Thanks bro... want one?"

"Aw, thanks Gamzee! But no, I'm good... saving my appetite for dinner!"

"Suit yourself bro," the troll said, withdrawing the instant mix packets from their hiding spot.

Karkat hadn't been exaggerating; it was considerably warmer inside their dwelling than it was outside. Gamzee wasted no time in shedding his own excess winter wear, unceremoniously chucking his beanie, hoodie, Karkat's scarf and John's gloves into a pile on the counter top. Once he got down to his long sleeve shirt, the tall troll shrugged and decided he'd change into a different one later. After he mixed the hot chocolates and popped them into the microwave, he took to readying the remaining ingredients.

Gamzee eventually had two perfectly made hot chocolates, cookie straws and all, and was carefully bringing them into their block. He maneuvered them both into one hand as he opened the door, using his foot to close it once he was inside.

"Got them drinks bro," he said, giving a big grin to one channel surfing troll on his couch. "Find anything to watch?"

"A few things," Karkat responded, taking one of the hot cocoas and scooting aside so that Gamzee could sit. "... Where did the rest of your clothes... Never mind. Would you rather watch _The Happiest Snow Troll _or _The Twelve Lusii of Perigee's Eve_?"

"Shit, I'm all about that happy snow troll motherfucker," the Capricorn said, wrapping an arm around Karkat's shoulders as he settled in.

"Happy dumbfuck it is then," the shorter troll said, punching in the channel. "Wow... this is some pretty elaborate hot chocolate."

"It's good bro, try it."

Taking a quick, tentative sip, the Cancer gave a slight nod of approval before shifting to lean closer to Gamzee. The taller troll was working his way through his own drink, think pan drifting in and out of the special on TV. This was so motherfucking mirthful; him and his moirail-sprit, getting their chill on together with some wicked brews on a cold day.

"_How could anyone be so grumpy during such a wonderful time? Don't you know what tomorrow is?"_

"_The day for annoying little trolls to stay in their recuperacoons for the next sweep?"_

"_No silly! It's Perigee's Eve!"_

Gamzee bit off the top of his cookie straw, licking as big a chunk of whip cream off the top of his drink as he could to mix with it. The special must have just started; the story's main character hadn't even made his snow troll yet. Stealing a quick peak over to Karkat, the Capricorn gave a light smirk at how intensely he was watching the screen.

That little motherfucker always got so into this viewing shit.

"_Come on Tigela! You've got to have time to go sledding with me; we do it every Perigee's Eve!"_

"_Sorry pupa, I've got too much on my nutrition plateau right now... what about that one troll you used to run with? What was his name... Niimos?"_

"_Niimos is out hunting with his lusus, who knows when they'll be back."_

"_I'm sorry, you know I'd help you if I could."_

"_Well... thanks anyway Tigela."_

What were they going to do for Perigee's Eve?

Gamzee took another long sip of his drink, ignoring the slight burning sensation that cooled as it went down his nutrition chute. The past few sweeps they hadn't really done much; what with Sburb and all that was going on, it had kind of just been pushed to the back burner.

"Bro, we're going to celebrate this time around... right?" he asked aloud, looking down to Karkat. "I mean, it seems like the humans do something this time of the sweep too... it'd be pretty motherfucking choice."

"I don't know... maybe? Why the fuck are you asking me?" the troll asked, taking a sip of his hot cocoa before finishing. "If you want to, it's not like it'd be ridiculously impossible or something."

Gamzee didn't answer for a second, long smile holding back a snicker as he stared at the brown and white mustache now on Karkat's upper lip. The Cancer didn't seem to notice, and his previous expression was quickly changed into one of irritation at the taller troll's gaze.

"What the hell are you so smiley about?" he growled. "Stop staring at me like that."

"Bro... you got uh..." he said, reaching over to swipe his index finger through the mixture of chocolate and whip cream. "This stuff."

He then slipped the digit into his mouth, licking it clean of the sugary residue that he'd pilfered from his moirail-sprit's lip. A bright blush colored Karkat's face, but as he turned to look away his chin was caught between Gamzee's thumb and index finger.

The two just stared at each other for a minute before the taller troll finally leaned down to capture the Cancer's upper lip between his own. His tongue greedily licked away whatever was left of the mustache, lightly tracing over the seam of Karkat's mouth. He was a bit disappointed then as the shorter troll pulled away from him, and he took that as a sign that the other wasn't in the mood for some sloppy makeouts. Though he was always down for getting some quality affection going with his most mirthful of motherfuckers, Karkat wasn't always quite so open to the prospect. Often times, Gamzee was pretty good at being able to take a hint; he could usually tell when the shorter troll just wasn't in the mood.

This time, however, he was wrong.

Karkat set his hot chocolate down next to the couch before grabbing hold of Gamzee's shirt and pulling him back in for more kisses. Giving a slight 'honk' of surprise, the taller troll quickly caught on and set his own cup aside as well. At once, his senses came alive and he could already hear that speaker of a think pan most troubled.

_Pail him._

_THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO'S BLOOD WANTS FLOW._

Gamzee quelled the thoughts, closing his eyes as he exchanged sweet kiss after kiss with his most red of bros. One hand slipped behind the shorter troll's neck, gently pulling him in to deepen their sloppy makeouts. This time it was Karkat who invited their clash of tongues, parting his lips just enough to allow Gamzee's eager muscle to slip in. He tasted like chocolate and sugar, which probably made all kinds of sense seeing as they'd just been drinking hot cocoa. It suited the nubby horned troll well, he decided, and the Capricorn noted that, more times than not, the shorter troll tasted sweet anyway.

He definitely had a thing for substances most sugary.

_The Happiest Snow Troll_ continued to play in the background, effectively tuning out the soft 'smacks' and approving purrs Karkat made. He really seemed to get his satisfaction going with this kissing business, and Gamzee could help but be a bit proud about that fact. After all, it meant that he was the one causing his righteous motherfucker to feel such mirth.

_He's practically begging for you._

_BEGGING FOR MOTHERFUCKING US._

The tall troll continued to ignore the urging of his think pan, shifting his other arm to cradle under Karkat's lower back. He used this new position to pull the Cancer closer, and an audible clicking could be heard as he was pulled into Gamzee's lap. It had been a while since things had gotten so steamy between them, and the Capricorn silently thanked his mirthful messiahs for this moment.

Ever so slowly, he slid the hand on Karkat's neck up into his hair, scratching and tangling in it for a few moments before drifting over to one of his nubbed horns. His eyes peaked open, casting a tentative glance as if to ask it whether or not his moirail-sprit would receive the advance in good nature. Deciding it was worth the risk of chastisement for taking things too far, Gamzee gently wrapped two fingers around the base of Karkat's horn. He could feel the shorter troll tense for a moment, but then he relaxed once more, fisting his own hands into the messy curls of the Capricorn's hair.

This was a dangerous game to play though; and Gamzee knew he had to be careful.

He didn't want to lose control and hurt Karkat, emotionally or physically.

The two wrestled in a clash of tongues for a few moments, Gamzee suckling and licking at the shorter troll each and every time he received a light nip from those awkward teeth. His own clicking was given in approval after several moments, and soon he was shifting to lay Karkat onto his back. The nubby horned troll allowed himself to be maneuvered, even pulling Gamzee down with him. His eyes slowly opened then, and he looked up with a dreamy sort of haze as their sights locked. Swallowing some at the sight of his adorable little moirail-sprit staring at him with such adoration, Gamzee felt a squeeze on his vascular pump.

"... Bro," he murmured. His voice was a bit raspy, and so he cleared his throat, trying to ignore the subtle rousing of his bulge. "I think that maybe... we shouldn't motherfucking..."

"Shut the fuck up," Karkat said simply, pulling him in by his collar. "Don't make this awkward you dickweed."

Gamzee didn't quite get what the shorter troll meant; don't make _what _awkward? Suddenly, though, he felt Karkat's hands sliding up under the hem of his shirt, and a bright purple blush flooded his cheeks. Was his little miracle...

… was he ready to take things farther?

Surely enough, the Cancer's small, delicate hands were ghosting along his skin, his fingers rousing Gamzee's senses into a sort of hyper aware state. His eyes closed once more, and he nuzzled into Karkat's neck as he kept as still as possible. It all felt so surreal; like just the slightest movement could frighten the shorter troll's curious hands and he'd be evicted from this mirth. His moirail-sprit continued to touch him, though, mapping out each dip and angle of his torso beneath the anonymity of his long sleeve shirt. He seemed to be purposefully avoiding his vestigial leg scars, but Gamzee didn't all up and mind.

Karbro would get there at his own pace; he just had to be patient.

_Patience is for the weak._

_THIS PEASANTBLOOD IS YOURS TO COMMAND MOTHERFUCKER._

_What are you waiting for?_

Gamzee took to kissing up Karkat's neck, reassuringly clicking into his warmth as he familiarized himself with the taller troll's foreign body. His bulge was beginning to unsheathe itself, something he couldn't really all up and help, given the situation. Those healed over leg scars were one of the most sensitive parts on a troll's body; it meant a lot that Karkat wanted to share that with him.

It meant that his motherfucker could trust him with himself.

_PAIL THIS MUTANT!_

And he wasn't going to betray that trust.

Gamzee noticed that Karkat stopped touching him then, and he pulled back to give his bro a questioning look. His face was all but completely red, his gray skin doing a pretty poor job at hiding his blood color. The Capricorn regarded him curiously, but was unable to meet the shorter troll's now averted gaze.

"Karbro?" he asked. "Something wrong motherfucker?"

The Cancer didn't say anything, and Gamzee felt a momentary panic in his chest; had he done something wrong? Maybe Karkat wasn't enjoying it as much as he was; did he say something out loud to the voices in his think pan?

A slight tug on the bottom of his shirt was Gamzee's only clue, and he watched as Karkat's hand tugged insistently at the fabric. It took him a moment to connect the dots; his bro's sudden shyness coupled with pulling on his shirt, but a big smile stretched across the Capricorn's face as he understood what Karkat couldn't verbalize.

Getting off of the shorter troll and sitting up, Gamzee made little work of pulling off the now constricting piece of apparel. Tossing the shirt off to the side, he snickered a bit at Karkat's scowl; what exactly did the shorter troll expect him to do with it? He continued to just sit there a moment, watching Karkat's face as his eyes scoured over his bare skin. The taller troll had been shirtless around him before, but this was different.

This time, there was a reason to be.

Gamzee bit at his lip some, feeling strangely self conscious under Karkat's studying gaze. It made him a bit nervous, but mostly just excited. It also made him wonder if this was just going to be a one way experience. He watched the shorter troll expectantly, and it seemed to take a moment for the Cancer to even register that he was being stared back at. Suddenly realizing this, though, he met Gamzee's eyes and quickly looked away again.

"... Do I have to?" he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't expect you to-"

"Karbro," Gamzee cooed softly, cupping his cheek with a gentle hand. "Motherfucker, I want to... Don't you think we should experience this miracle together?"

"... You and your fucking miracles."

"You know bro, that's how they do it in all those movies of yours," Gamzee pointed out, feeling more relaxed as he got used to the feel of his exposed torso.

This argument seemed to have actually convinced the nubby horned troll, and with a soft sigh he quickly pulled his shirt off. Though it was removed, Karkat continued to hold the fabric in front of himself, hiding his body from Gamzee's equally curious eyes.

"Aww, come on motherfucker," he said, rubbing one of Karkat's horns. "You've seen all the whimsy I've got under here... let me see you."

The Cancer purred as his horn was touched, nuzzling into Gamzee's fingers; it took a bit more gentle touches and coaxing, but he finally deposited his shirt onto the ground next to his hot chocolate. While the shorter troll had seen him shirtless several times, this was the first time he was exposed for Gamzee's eyes. Staring unashamedly, the Capricorn drank in the sight as much as he could; committing each detail to memory. Karkat wasn't quite as in shape as he was, but he was by no means an unhealthy weight; if anything, he almost looked a bit too thin. Making a note of this in his think pan, the Capricorn vowed to make more food for his little motherfucker.

"... Karbro, you look so-"

"Don't, shut up," the short troll quickly said, laying back down on the sofa. "Don't say anything. I do not want to hear your opinions about my grotesque body, understood?"

"... Cute."

"Damn it, that's it. You ruined it; no undressing around you ever again. The opportunity is gone forever, and it bid you a rancorous 'fuck you' as it left."

Gamzee laughed at the other's snippy retort, shifting to rest over him once more. He gave him a quick, shallow kiss, keeping a respectable space between their bare chests. Karkat had started this, and he wasn't going to rush him in.

Though, it was made a bit more difficult with the timid writhing of a bulge beneath his own.

The voice in his think pan continued to holler improprieties most harsh, but the Capricorn did his best to ignore it. Ever so slowly, he felt those timid hands begin to brush against his skin once more. Feeling it only proper to reward his unsure bro, Gamzee gave a soft purr before leaning in to exchange more of those tasty kisses.

A shiver ran down the troll's spine, eliciting a soft moan from him as he felt Karkat's left hand finally run over one of his leg scars. He gave an unconscious roll of his hips, earning him a response moan from his nubby horned troll. Hesitating a moment, he braced himself for the admonishment for his action, but received none.

Quite the contrary, Karkat gave him a shallow buck.

Eager to do some exploratory touching of his own, the taller troll carefully placed his hands on either side of Karkat, slowly moving them down until he could feel those raised ridges beneath his fingers.

"G-Gamzee," the shorter troll moaned, arcing his back.

The Capricorn's bulge was driving him insane; it writhed and wriggled beneath his pants, rubbing against Karkat's through the fabric of their clothes as they both sought out the other's nook. The Cancer probably wasn't quite ready to go that far yet, though, and so Gamzee decided that they'd just have to settle for a little touching and grinding.

Not that he was complaining.

He attacked Karkat's mouth with a renewed frenzy, nipping at his bottom lip until it obediently dropped to allow him entrance. Not a second was spared as his tongue captured Karkat's, and he rocked against him once more. Clicks and purrs were pouring out loudly from the both of them, and Gamzee really couldn't have even gotten his guessing on to who was making what noise after a while. The nubby horned troll continued to rub and scratch at the Capricorn's leg scars, and eventually Gamzee just took to mirroring his movements.

It was a bit awkward, both of them trying to figure out how to touch one another, and the taller troll thought that Karkat's hands were a little too rough on more than on occasion. Likewise, Gamzee could see the nubby horned troll flinch slightly whenever he'd get a bit too rough. They each eventually seemed to get the hang of it, though, and the more they worked at it the more natural it felt. All knowledge that Gamzee seemed to have garnered from that Human Troll Sexuality course seemed to have abandoned him, so he eventually defaulted into just following Karkat's physical cues.

"Karbro, I'm so flushed for you," he confessed, their bulges practically knotted together between their pants.

"Me too," the shorter troll said, his cheeks aflame and his voice little more than a shy whisper. "Gamzee..."

Every time the Cancer said his name in that needy, breathy voice, it felt like a live wire going straight to his bulge. At this point, his nook was already beginning to drip, and he knew that it wouldn't be much longer before he and Karkat would be making a mess of what clothes they had left on.

"Karkat I don't think I can..." Gamzee started, trying to find the least awkward way to word this. "I mean, if we keep doing this..."

"I... I know stupid," the shorter troll said, "... me too."

It took every ounce of self control that the Capricorn had been learning more of to stop, but he forced his hips to still despite his bulge's incessant hunt for warmth.

_WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?_

Gamzee closed an eye as a bit of pain went through his think pan, but other than that he allowed no physical sign of his discomfort to show through. One day, Karkat would be okay with more touching; maybe he'd even get to play with that bulge getting its wiggle on up under those pants.

Until then, though, the Capricorn was just going to have to deal with the fact that he was a troll with some very dark shame globes.

Sitting up on the sofa, Gamzee helped his moirail-sprit into a sit. He pulled the shorter troll close, not quite wanting to let the closeness of this moment end. Karkat wrapped his own arms around the taller troll, snuggling up close to him.

They just stayed like the for a few minutes, holding each other's half naked bodies in their respiteblock, with only _The Happiest Snow Troll _to break the quiet. As the seconds ticked by, Gamzee was finding it easier and easier to relax. The coursing rush of endorphins and hormones running through his veins slowed, and eventually his bulge retreated back into its sheath. There were a lot of uncertainties looming on the horizon, but one thing was for sure.

Gamzee was going to need some 'alone time' in the trap tomorrow.

… He was willing to bet Karkat probably would too.


	40. WHIMSICAL revelations

**A/N: STILL NOT DEAD, JUST BUSY. SORRY! ALSO NSFW.**

WHIMSICAL revelations

Karkat stifled a soft whimper, pushing his two fingers deeper into his nook. This was the only fucking place to get any sort of privacy, and he wasn't about to ruin that with some embarrassing noise to tip others off to what he was doing.

Back pressed against the cool tiled wall of the ablution trap, his hips raised slightly before falling back down to work his fingers deep inside. His bulge was left completely neglected, but he didn't mind all that much; the stupid thing always wiggled wherever it wanted to and was too much of a hassle to hold in place. It would be best to just leave it alone until he was a bit closer to his release.

Come on, focus Karkat; quit dissecting what you're doing and just... do it.

The nubby horned troll had woken up earlier this morning with a little problem in his pajama bottoms, and with both the respiteblock and ablution block doors tightly locked, he was just now getting around to dealing with it. Fortunately for him, Gamzee had already left for whatever stupid clowny reason he had, and it had given him the perfect chance to quietly 'take care of business'.

This condition was all the Capricorn's fault anyway.

Karkat closed his eyes, remembering their previous night together on the couch. He'd never felt so close to his moirail-sprit before. Well, really to anyone before, now that he thought about it. The feel of Gamzee's fingers rubbing over his leg slits; learning how best to pleasure him with that almost timid curiosity. Each chocolatey kiss was recalled, and Karkat couldn't help but bring his free fingers up to trace his lips at the memory.

What he remembered most, though, was the sensation of Gamzee's bulge eagerly undulating against his own. The fiery warmth of their members trying to seek out and fill each others nooks through the thin border of their clothes. Gamzee's had been considerably bigger than his own, a fact that he decided he probably should have figured out a while ago. After all, everything else about the taller troll was bigger than him, why wouldn't that be too?

While Karkat wasn't quite ready to go all the way with Gamzee yet, he couldn't deny that the idea held a certain... appeal to him. If he thought about it hard enough, he could almost pretend that it was the Capricorn's fingers slipping in and out of him right now. He would be gentle; taking his time and preparing Karkat with all of the adoration that he practically gushed at him every single day.

It would be beautiful and perfect and like something straight out of one of his romance novels.

Gamzee would hold him tightly, kissing him and helping to bring him closer to his climax with the tight warmth of his nook and the satisfying fill of his bulge. In that moment, they'd be connected in a way they never had before. With several firm but gentle thrusts into each other, they'd look into each others lust filled eyes and-

Karkat let out a squeaky sort of gasp as he came, his fingers having buried themselves to their knuckles inside of him. As his bulge began to release its genetic material, the Cancer finally wrapped his other hand around it to help guide its release towards the discretion of the trap's drain. His skin tingled at the sensation, his chest rising and falling with a quickened breathing rate.

Not wanting to see the disgusting, bright red of his material, Karkat kept his eyes closed as he waited for his natural high to fully subside. Once he was satisfied that the majority of it was probably gone, he withdrew his fingers from his nook and opened his eyes. He hadn't thought to take into account his tactless bulge, though, and he scowled at it resting limply between his legs. It would probably be a little bit longer before it retreated, so the nubby horned troll decided he'd just have to deal with its bright red, dinky appearance.

Fucking brilliant.

Well, now that he'd gotten that embarrassing little display out of the way, it would probably be a good moment for some deep, contemplative thought. At least, that must have been what he'd concluded because he suddenly found himself wondering how stable Gamzee really was right now. He'd seemed fine last night... but then, he'd seemed fine back on the meteor right before he'd snapped and gone on his little murder spree.

What if all of this physical arousal was too much for the Capricorn?

As much as the nubby horned troll didn't want to admit to that possibility, it was all too easy to visualize Gamzee losing control in such a situation. One of the biggest reasons he was so reluctant to pail with him was simply that he didn't know if the other could handle it. The last thing he wanted was for his first time experiencing such a meaningful connection to be sullied by some sort of forced pailing.

Rubbing his eyes, Karkat became cognizant once more of the water running over him. It had seemed like the only intelligent thing to do when shamefully stimulating himself to pail. The water wasn't exactly his moirail-sprit's comforting embrace, but it would have to do.

Gamzee's rage issues and his embarrassing lack of control on his hormones aside, this alone time in the trap was quite refreshing. So often anymore cleaning up meant 'hop in and hop out'; very rarely did he get moments like this where he had no urgent matters to get back to.

It was nice, and he was going to enjoy his seclusion for as long as he could.

* * *

Well, this was quite the inauspicious turn of events.

Rose walked out to the balcony, trying not to look as frustrated as she felt over seeing just Jade staring out on the cityscape. The Witch regarded her with a bit of confusion, to which she responded in turn with a polite smile and nod before heading back inside.

It really shouldn't be this hard to locate a glowing troll.

Through the living room and into the kitchenette, Rose decided to take a quick break to pour herself a cup of tea. It would have been easy to just chock up Kanaya's absence to her having left the apartment-stem, but for some reason she had a feeling that the Virgo was still there. Over time, she'd learned to just trust those hunches of hers, and they'd yet to fail her. However, the rainbow drinker was clearly set on the idea of avoiding her.

She'd have to be crafty.

Taking a quick glance over to Kanaya and Terezi's bedroom and seeing it shut, Rose decided that the glowing troll was probably hiding out in there. No doubt she wouldn't answer the door if she knocked, and she wasn't about to go barging in without permission.

"... I'm going out to get groceries," she announced to no one in particular, setting her cup of tea on the counter.

"Ooh! Get root beer!" she heard John call back from his own room.

The Seer gave a quick roll of her eyes to this before walking over to the front door. She kept her gaze locked on Terezi's room before opening and shutting the door, staying as quiet as she could.

Surely enough, after a few moments of waiting, the cautious peaking of one rainbow drinker could be seen emerging from Terezi's bedroom. Her eyes locked with Rose's for only an instant, but that was all the Seer needed. As predictable as clockwork, Kanaya quickly went back into her room and shut the door once more. Rose now had proof that she was in there, though, and so she walked right up to the door and gave it a swift three knocks.

"Are we really going to pretend that I didn't see you open the door?" she asked calmly, leaning against the frame. "Or that you didn't immediately turn tail and run from me as if I were some rabid monster?"

Rose waited patiently, trying to imagine Kanaya weighing her options on the other side of the door. It took a good three minutes of waiting, but the door finally opened to permit Rose's entrance. Stepping inside, the Seer verified that they were in fact alone in this room before shutting the door behind her.

"We need to talk," she said, moving over to sit against the wall.

"... Yes, I... I had assumed as much," Kanaya said, visibly nervous as she tapped her fingers together. "I suppose I have been acting a bit flighty on the whole matter, trying to avoid and postpone the inevitable. You know, perhaps it's because I'm not very good when it comes to these sorts of topics. I've been feeling so dreadful about all of this but I just... I panic and I-"

"Begin rambling in an uncontrollable and somewhat unintentional manner?"

The glowing troll gave a soft sigh, finally sitting down next to her as she paused to take a breath. Resting her head against the heel of her palm, she gave a chuckle before responding, "Yes, I suppose that has become my go-to reaction to uncomfortable situations."

"Well, you do have a penchant for it," Rose said, a smile gracing her lips. "Seriously though, at what point did 'I'll just avoid her forever' seem like a good idea? Not quite your best efforts in foresight."

"No, I suppose not."

A silence fell between both of them then, and Rose thought carefully about how best to broach the topic of their little... moment several nights ago. She'd finally gotten Kanaya to sit down and talk to her, so the last thing she wanted was to frighten her off by being too forward. That said, it was obviously looming on both of their minds so how better to address it?

"... Is it really that crazy to consider a relationship?" Rose said, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "I mean... Dave and Terezi seem to be quite content with their arrangement."

"Yes, they certainly do," Kanaya responded, tapping fingers together. "But what is there to guarantee that things will go as auspiciously for us?"

Rose thought for a moment, trying to come up with a good answer, and finding none she decided to just go with the truth. "There's nothing," she professed. "And yet, perhaps I'm being overly optimistic, but I'm keeping my stance on the matter... the same stance I've had since the beginning."

The Virgo fell silent, and Rose could see the concern and contemplation etched in every feature of her lovely face. She was uncertain, probably just as much as she had been back when she'd decided to take off for the Brooding Caverns. This time around, though, the Seer had hard evidence of Kanaya's feelings; she may have gotten quite drunk that night at the club, but she still remembered what happened.

More specifically, she remembered the soft feel of the glowing troll's lips against her own.

"... I see," the Virgo responded simply.

Rose wasn't sure what to make of it, but at least Kanaya had heard her peace; no matter what she decided, at least they both knew where they stood with each other. If the glowing troll declined her proposition, she'd still sleep well knowing that she'd given them a good shot.

Now everything rested on the Virgo's shoulders.

* * *

Gamzee gave a slight shake of his head, throwing a few unruly curls out of his line of sight as he jogged along. The pendant his moirail-sprit had made for him thumped against his chest, jostled with each step. He didn't really get how this was supposed to help him keep control around Karkat, but his little motherfucker had insisted he give it a shot.

The Capricorn had already jogged all the way down to the park, and now he was taking a different route back to the apartment-stem. For the first few miles, he'd almost wondered if he was doing this whole 'exercise' thing incorrectly. After all, he'd never really put much thought into this sort of thing before, so it was all new territory for him.

_THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME MOST VALUABLE SPENT_

His thoughts were pulled by a particularly loud yelling in his think pan, and he did his best to try and ignore it as he ran along. It had been hollering improprieties most harsh since last night, and it'd been because of this that he'd decided to try Karkat's 'exercise' idea.

So far, it didn't seem to be working.

A fresh layer of snow hadn't fallen for the past two days, and the snow that was still around was beginning to look less like fluffy white miracles and more like clumps of gray sludge all around. Gamzee really hoped it would snow again soon; it may be cold, but it was still all miraculous to be looking at.

_You can't silence your own think pan._

His feet made steady contact with the ground, one after another and he tried to focus in on that instead of his thoughts. The troll hadn't been sure what to wear for such an activity, so he'd gone with his default baggy pants and a hoodie. At first he'd been too cold and considered going back inside for more clothes, but after running for a while that didn't seem to be a problem anymore.

Gamzee's eyes wandered to the buildings lining the streets; there were shops and restaurants he'd never seen before. Most of the time he had no need to travel this way, what with the university's route being down a different road and general stops down another. This was more of the scenic route, and taking this road often just wasn't as convenient. Fortunately, it gave him plenty of things to look at and distract himself with.

Like this, for instance.

The Capricorn came to a stop in front of a very peculiar looking shop, staring into its windows with confusion. He wasn't quite sure what they were selling, and no matter how hard he looked he couldn't quite see any real shelves or racks of items. Reading the sign out front didn't give him any better clues; it was just two words; the first was a name, and the other he didn't know the meaning of.

Curiosity got the better of Gamzee, and he casually abandoned his jog to look inside the store. As soon as he walked in, he heard the soft 'ding' of a bell over the doorway. A miraculously painted human was sitting behind a glass case filled with small, oddly shaped items, and she looked up at him with curiosity.

"Hey, welcome to Kyra's Tattoos," she said with a smile. "Looking for some ink? I should probably warn you, troll tats cost extra; that thick skin is a bitch to color."

"Ink? Whoa motherfucker, I'm not quite sure I'm like to understanding what that is," the tall troll responded. "What is all this noise most confusing?"

"Seriously?" the woman asked, bringing her colorful arm in front of her. "These things. You know, tattoos."

Gamzee examined the arm, smiling at all of the crazy colors and shapes mixing together.

"So it's like... human paint?" he tried, touching her arm with a single finger. "... Wait, this miracle paint doesn't come off!"

"Sure doesn't," the woman answered, taking her arm back and leaning in her chair. "Paint that lasts forever. Pretty awesome, right? You come in, tell us what you want, sit still for a few hours and bam! Fresh ink."

Paint that lasted forever?

It sounded too good to be true, and a big grin broke across Gamzee's face as he tried to imagine all of the possibilities. If it really lasted forever, he could get his face paint done and never have to reapply it! Or maybe he could get a painting of goatdad somewhere, or-

Wait.

Karkat probably would want to know if he was going to get something etched all permanent like.

_THE MUTANT BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER HAS NO SAY._

_No words to speak on the matter._

"... Shit..." he mumbled, shaking his head slightly to try and dispel the pain. "Does this be like, a thing settled in permanence?"

"... Pardon?"

"This tattoo place; does this mirthful shop always sell forever skin paintings?"

"Oh, yeah dude," the woman said, reaching over to pluck out a rectangular piece of paper. "Here's my card; if you ever want something done, ask for me."

Gamzee looked over the card before stowing it into his pocket; he had a lot of things to think over now. He definitely was interested in getting 'something done', but he didn't really know what yet. On top of that, his thoughts were just a bit too unstable to be sitting still for long periods of time. Either way, he'd just found out about this so he supposed there wasn't really a rush to be had.

"Thanks bitchtits," he said, turning to leave. "I'll be back."

He'd return some other time, hopefully with a clearer think pan and a miraculous idea.

For now, though, he had some jogging to finish.

* * *

"Check it; sitting in my room or block, or whatever weird troll talk, kicking out these mad ill beats, son, shit's more real than the streets. By 'streets', I mean Sesame, man this shit's so lame you see. Nothing to do or rap on, even with psycho troll gone-"

"Dave, shut your coolkid mouth for five minutes," Terezi cut in, effectively disrupting Dave's flow. "You're rapping about having nothing to rap about."

"Not my fault shit's so boring right now," the Knight said, laying back on his bed. "Man, when did we turn into some old fucking married couple who sit around and do nothing all day? One of these days, Terezi, pow! Straight to the Green Sun or Jack or whatever the fuck happened with saving the goddamn universe."

"What do you think ended up with all of that anyway?"

"Who cares? Like it really matters; not our problem anymore apparently."

Dave relaxed as he laid out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to push the whole matter out of his mind. As far as he was concerned, chilling in this universe forever instead of fighting some super lord douche boss wasn't half bad.

"Hey Dave," Terezi said, laying down next to him. "Do humans do anything for 12th Perigee's Eve?"

"... 12th what now?" Dave responded, earning a playful jab from Terezi.

"12th Perigee's Eve! It was this holiday we used to celebrate back on Alternia... I've been hearing that it's a lot like your human 'Christmas'."

"Oh. Hell yeah, we're doing the shit out of Christmas," Dave answered. "So... I guess that's 'yes' to your weird troll holiday too."

"Great! So when are we going to get the behemoth leaving? Also we should probably start decorating the apartment-stem."

"... Okay, I understood the decorating part, but what the fuck is a behemoth leaving? Whatever it is, no; we're getting a good old fashioned Christmas tree. Who ever heard of Christmas without a Christmas tree? Just plain un-american."

"That sticky triangle tree? Bluh!" Terezi said, scrunching her nose to show her distaste. "A behemoth leaving is the only way to celebrate Perigee's Eve."

"Fine then, you can take those other assholes and track down the magical ghost of alien Christmas past and do your Perigee's Eve thing. I'm going to throw on my best, lumberjack-iest flannel and chop down every tree in my path. Mother nature will weep at the ferocity of my lumberjack ways. Going to need some energy for that; should probably eat six thousand goddamn pancakes with a mountain full of syrup first. Black coffee too because you know, lumberjack."

"... I don't see how lumberjacks would be suitable for either of our holidays."

"Good point. Fuck the lumberjack thing; let's just get a tree and a 'behemoth leaving'."

"Works for me!" the troll cackled

"Dave! Terezi! Karkat!" called one Rose Lalonde from elsewhere in the apartment-stem. "Could you please come out for a moment?"

Dave glanced over to the door, wondering what was so important. It wasn't like Rose to call everyone out like that, so whatever it was was probably important. He knew Jade was in the kitchen working on dinner, and John was probably goofing off in the living room. As for juggalo troll, he had no clue but that fucker was probably lurking about somewhere as well.

"We should probably go see what's up," he said, sitting up and helping Terezi up.

"What do you think it's about?" the blind troll asked.

"No clue. Maybe she brought home a 'behemoth leaving'."

That comment earned Dave a drub to the ankle, but he kept his pokerface intact as they left his room and went out to join everyone else.

* * *

Kanaya twiddled her thumbs, watching anxiously as the group gathered around. Terezi and Dave entered together, naturally, and joined John who was sitting on the couch. Jade was waiting excitedly off to the side, undoubtedly having already figured out why they'd been called together. Karkat was the last to join them, and he casually snuck in next to Gamzee; honestly, the two were so transparent it was a surprise everyone hadn't picked up on it yet.

Focus; she needed to focus.

At this point, distracting herself would probably just make things unnecessarily complicated.

John was the first to speak up, and the rainbow drinker felt herself jump at the sudden questions, "So why are we all out here? What's going on?"

"Well, Kanaya and I have something we'd like to share with you all," Rose announced, taking her hand for reassurance.

The glowing troll squeezed the Seer's hand, giving her a shy, warm smile in return. How could she ever doubt herself with this strong, beautiful woman by her side? Rose believed in her, believed in this, and that was all she needed.

"... Rose and I have entered a matespritship," Kanaya said boldly. "Or begun 'dating', for simpler terminology."

"Oh my goodness! Congratulations you two!" Jade said, the first to run over and hug them both. "That's so great!"

"Welcome to the interspecies erotica hour, I'll be your guide on this fucked up journey," Dave said, getting a shove from one snickering Terezi.

"Way to go Kanaya!" the blind troll said. "Get your woman!"

"I... er... thanks," Kanaya said, a jade blush rising to her cheeks.

"But... wait... if Kanaya's a lady troll, how does-"

"John, do we really want to get into this?" Rose said, raising a challenging eyebrow to him.

It was now the Heir's turn to blush, and he quickly turned his attention back to his video game, "Um... nevermind. Congrats though."

"Thanks."

"Are we done now? As fascinating as it is to hear about everybody's romantic endeavors every second of the day, I was kind of working on something," Karkat grumbled, as close to a 'congratulations' as he'd likely ever get. "Good job, live happily ever after, I'm going back to my husktop."

The Virgo smiled happily as the others dispersed, feeling quite proud of herself for her decision to try out a relationship with Rose as well as for her bravery in being upfront with it. And who knew? Maybe their boldness would inspire a certain other couple in the house to be a bit more public.

If nothing else... one brooding clown off in the corner seemed to be thinking as much.


	41. THE MOST HORRIBLE TIME OF THE SWEEP

**A/N: I'M SUCH A BAD AUTHOR! AHHHH! Here's chapter 41, I'm going to try my best to update once a week on every Sunday now at the minimum. x_x' So sorry, I promise I'm still going to finish this. ;3;**

*****TW - Some noncon*****

THE MOST HORRIBLE TIME OF THE SWEEP

"So... what exactly is this thing supposed to be?" John asked, looking up at the strange object in the room. "Some troll version of a Christmas tree? It doesn't look very festive..."

"Well no duh," Terezi responded, snickering as she claimed one of the round red ornaments for herself. "That's kind of why we're decorating it. Hence the boxes and the shiny things inside."

John watched as the blind troll went over and placed their ornament on the 'behemoth leaving', still dissatisfied with her explanation.

"Besides, this thing is a fake," Terezi went on. "Who ever heard of a behemoth leaving that wasn't retrieved on a difficult, trial filled endeavor? It's hardly a prize... but I guess it'll just have to do."

The strange troll object aside, everything else was starting to look pretty cheery around their apartment-stem. Dave had insisted on playing the most ridiculous Christmas songs he could find while they worked, and Jade was hard at work in the kitchen. Glancing over to see how well she was faring, John was immediately reminded of all the delicious smells emanating from those baked goods.

"Uh... Jade?" he said hopefully.

"Hm? Yes John?" the Witch replied, ears perking up as he addressed her. "What is it?"

"If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say he's going to try yet again to get a cookie out of you," Rose piped in with a coy smirk.

"Well he can just forget about that!" Jade giggled, rolling out dough balls onto the cookie sheet. "Not until everything's done. It wouldn't be a reward otherwise!"

With a loud groan, John flopped over onto his back; it wasn't fair! Everything was smelling super delicious right now, and he wasn't allowed to eat any of it. These weren't some Betty Crocker abomination of treats; they were Jade's Christmas confections!

Okay, he just had to distract himself again.

The Heir glanced over to Rose and Kanaya, unable to help the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips at how happy they looked together. They appeared to be stringing popcorn, Rose leaning against Kanaya with the actual needle and thread in hand. It brought a strange kind of warmth to John's heart knowing that the two of them were so happy together; he hoped they could stay together for a long time.

Shifting from one couple to the next, John watched as Dave and Terezi meticulously picked through the ornaments to find all of the red ones. If there was ever an award for most amusing couple, they'd win it hands down. It wasn't hard to see why; every second of their days seemed to revolve around finding a way to make each other smile. It was kind of sweet!

"This is nice," he mused out loud. "Visiting and Christmas music and all of this amazingly good smelling food..."

"Which you still can't have," Jade chimed.

"No no, I'll wait," John answered. "I just mean that this really is what the holiday's all about right? Being together like this and sharing in the joys and goodwill of the season?"

"... Wow, that's got to be the gayest thing you've ever said," Dave said, echoed by a giggle from Terezi. "Seriously dude, we're just decorating and there's still like, three weeks left till Christmas. Besides, caring and sharing and a jolly red asshole? I'm assuming it's not like that in troll world."

"It's not?"

"Not... particularly," Kanaya answered. "I can't say that we have a culturally significant equivalent to your 'Santa Claus' legend... but spending time with one's lusus is often encouraged. A sort of time for... familial bonding, if you will."

"Lusus... those are the weird adopted parent monster things, right?"

"Dude, just stop," Dave said. "We're decorating for two separate holidays for two different species here. It's confusing enough as it is... let's just have fun and try not to ask too many questions."

John gave a shrug to this, deciding to just abandon the topic. Maybe he was just being overly sentimental with it all? Whatever, he was still pretty excited for the holiday! There was a lot to do still, like finishing these decorations and doing some Christmas shopping.

Speaking of Christmas shopping...

"Hey, when do you think Karkat and Gamzee will come back?"

"Who cares?" Dave replied flatly, earning a sharp jab in the side from Terezi. "Ow, fuck. Your elbows could seriously stab a hole through paradox space."

"They haven't been gone that long," Rose commented, adjusting to sit up on her own. "I'd imagine they'll still be out for a little while."

"Oh, it's pretty cold out there. They probably brought jackets though," John answered, giving a quick glance to the empty candy cane box sitting next to him. "Um... do you think they'd pick up some candy canes? I think we're all out."

"John, would I be correct in assuming that we're out because you've been eating them in lieu of Jade's Christmas treats?" Kanaya said, black lips curled into a knowing little smirk.

"What! Don't be ridiculous, I didn't eat all of them!"

The group regarded the Heir with looks of skepticism, and he knew he'd been caught.

"... Okay, fine, I did eat all of them," John admitted. "But it's not my fault! If someone had just shared those snacks with me..."

"Well, Karkles will just have to bring us some more then," Terezi said, taking out her phone and pecking out a quick message. "But if he bitches, John... if he bitches, those rights belong exclusively to you. All of the bitching rights are yours to be had."

The boy groaned, already dreading the long winded rant he'd probably get from the nubby horned troll later. If Rose's word was anything to go by, though, he'd at least have some time until then. With any luck, maybe Karkat would be too tired after all that shopping to get on his case about it.

* * *

Purple and yellow eyes watched Karkat's lithe little hands, studying them with an intense focus as they checked off another item on their shopping list. Then they were folding up the list, shoving it back into the shorter troll's pocket, and freed up once more. Without a second thought, Gamzee reached out to try and take one of those free hands in his own.

"Damn it Gamzee, cut it out!" Karkat snapped, jerking his hand back for probably the tenth time today. "Not now. We have too much to do for this bullshit again."

"Honk."

The Capricorn casually pulled his hand back, shoving it into his hoodie to try and keep it out of the way. It wasn't fair; Rose and Kanaya were now officially matesprits, and they got to cuddle and kiss all they wanted. He and his little motherfucker had been together much longer than them, and they still had to keep their whimsy all under wraps.

It was enough to settle some harsh in this motherfucker's think pan.

"Karbro," the taller troll said, looking over the shopping cart in front of them. "Are we up and done with this noise yet?"

"No. We're still not done," Karkat responded, an obvious tone of annoyance in his voice. "We weren't done the last seven times you asked either. I told you this was going to be a long trip, if you don't want to help then go home."

"Nah, I'll stick it out motherfucker," Gamzee said, scratching underneath his chin. "I'm just like to be feeling... kind of fidgety right now."

_NO MORE COLLECTION OF THESE POINTLESS ITEMS._

_There's matters to attend to motherfucker._

"Fuck! Fucking hell coated fuck!" the Cancer suddenly yelled, throwing his phone into the cart. "Apparently now we need to get 'candy canes'! I'm going to tear that human a new sphincter when we get back. Come on!"

Without warning, Karkat suddenly spun about with his cart and began storming off through the store. Any hapless customers in his wake quickly moved aside, with questioning and irritable looks given to the taller troll trailing behind him.

Gamzee took his sweet time as he followed, allowing some distance to grow between himself and his best bro. His wandering eyes slipped over Karkat's frame, zoning out a bit at the narrow curve of his ass before shifting up to his torso. Underneath all those layerings of clothes were the cutest leg slits ever seen by trollkind. Leg slits that made Karkat wriggle and moan when they were touched just right.

_BUT WE CAN'T SHOW SUCH AFFECTIONS CAN WE?_

_Such mirth is saved for those outside the shadows._

_WITH NOTHING TO MOTHERFUCKING HIDE._

Gamzee couldn't have said when he'd caught up to Karkat, but before he knew it he was wrapping an arm around the troll's waist. This was met with another of the short troll's innumerous scowls and a hasty brush off.

"I said not now!" the Cancer growled, shoving the taller troll away. "I'm serious Gamzee, don't fucking touch me again."

The Capricorn was trying to keep himself under control, like he knew he should, but it was difficult; he was so flushed for this troll it hurt his vascular pump. It also didn't help that they'd been running from store to store all morning. He wasn't tired from all of their errands, but being stuck in one busy crowd after another was definitely wearing on his already stressed think pan.

"Candy canes, candy canes," Karkat grumbled, storming up one aisle and down the next. "Here's his stupid candy canes."

Gamzee watched as the shorter troll snatched a box from the shelf and then hastily stashed it into their shopping cart. It got to join the rest of this holiday mash up shopping trip in the forms of wrapping paper, ribbons, bows, packets of cocoa, gloves, beanies, and various other small items. They looked so motherfucking cheery up in Karkat's cozy little cart, and the taller troll's smile stretched at the sight.

"Aww shit bro..." Gamzee drawled. "Look at those little miracles getting their Perigee's spirit on."

"I'll look at them later," the shorter troll responded, quickly spinning his cart back around and hurrying towards the line. "Let's just pay for this shit and leave. We still have two more stores to hit."

Another wave of pain ran through the taller troll's think pan, and he gritted his teeth at the sensation. It also didn't help to think that Kanaya and Rose were probably curled up at the apartment-stem together, laughing and enjoying the mirth of the season. Why couldn't they be like that? Happy and celebrating with all of the others.

_NOISE WHAT WANTS CORRECTING!_

_Until everyone knows and sees._

_WE AREN'T SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, MOTHERFUCKER._

A wheel rolled over the troll's foot, and he was torn from his thoughts at the unexpected pain. He'd been about to snarl, his lip already curled to reveal his fangs, but he managed to keep his reaction down to just a menacing glare at the unsuspecting shopper who was bustling away. Secrets and feelings and all that malice aside, there was one thing for certain.

This little trip needed to end real motherfucking soon.

* * *

Kanaya frowned down at the list in her lap, crossing off yet another item. She'd managed to get Rose preoccupied with Jade's baking, so she now had a moment alone to think about what to get her. It had to be something special, something that the girl would really like. So far, though, she'd only come up with five ideas and all of them were now crossed out. She wasn't trying to be difficult, but she knew that whatever she presented Rose with had to be absolutely perfect.

"Knock knock! Anyone home?" the snickering voice of Terezi said after a few sharp raps to the door.

"Oh, of course," Kanaya said, adjusting to sit up a bit straighter. "Come on in Terezi, it isn't locked."

"Really?" the blind troll asked, opening the door to confirm for herself. "... Well it should be. Why else would you go off on your own? Kind of defeats the purpose of privacy if anyone can just march on in!"

The Virgo gave a soft smile to her friend, shaking her head, "It's nothing quite like that, I'm just trying to think of what to get Rose for the holiday... I'm afraid I'm not very good at this sort of thing."

"Any ideas?"

"I had a few, but none of them seemed quite right. Truth be told, I've made very little progress on the matter."

Terezi took a seat next to her, setting her cane off to one side before taking the list. Giving it a quick sniff over, the troll frowned and then handed it back.

"Don't take this personally, but those are all really shitty ideas..."

"Well how could I take that personally?" the rainbow drinker said dryly.

"They're all things that she would like, they're just... not very original. I mean really; yarn, a new violin, books? You didn't even specify which books!"

"I know, I know..." Kanaya answered, rubbing her temples. "I don't know, what on Earth should I get her?"

"You'd know better than I would, and seeing as you have no clue whatsoever, I'd say you're kind of fucked."

"Yes, it's quite a predicament I suppose," the Virgo conceded. "... What are you getting Dave?"

"Heheh. Don't worry about that," Terezi said, slumping a little as she got comfortable. "Just know that it's going to be the greatest, most ironically fantastic present in the entire history of everything... also, it'll probably be better than whatever you get Rose from the grocery store."

"Ugh... please tell me that your intentions on coming in here were not merely to antagonize me?"

The room fell silent, then, and Kanaya knew that she was correct in her assumption; Terezi hadn't come here just to visit or harass her. Turning her head enough to look at the blind troll, the Virgo's own expression hardened as she saw the serious look on the Libra's face. It had been a while, but she had a pretty good idea what this was about.

"... We should at least wait until after the season," she said, turning her gaze back to her list of scratched off items.

"Didn't you say that about our finals?"

Kanaya's frown deepened still, and she knew that she probably should have expected such an answer. Terezi was right, after all; there was only so long that she could put off telling Karkat about his pursuers. She wasn't stupid either, and hearing Dave and Terezi's fighting through their walls told her that something needed to be done soon.

"Please... just a little bit longer," she said finally, taking a deep breath before she continued. "I know that you're worried... I am too. Once we tell him, though, it's going to change everything. He was so terrified when I told him that they even knew he was here..."

"Keeping the truth from him isn't going to make him any safer," Terezi insisted. "If anything, it might make things that much more dangerous for him."

"I know. I'm sorry, yes, you're right. But still... with Perigee's Eve just around the corner, and Gamzee-"

Oh no.

Oh dear.

"What about Gamzee?" Terezi asked, now raising a skeptical eyebrow. "Did he do something? He's not killing more trolls is he?"

"No... no nothing like that," Kanaya said, struggling to find a quick response. "Nothing at all like that, he's not doing anything," she needed to think quickly, she couldn't tell Terezi about the two of them and their dual quadrants. "It's just that... he and Karkat are so close. With how shortly it's been since his prior episode... I think that this might set him back."

The Virgo waited for several moments then, studying Terezi's face for any hint of her accepting this lie. How could she have slipped like that? It was bad enough that Rose knew; Karkat and Gamzee would never forgive her for betraying their trust. If the Libra managed to get the full story out of her, the consequences would be dire! No, she had to stand by this story and make sure that Terezi believed it.

Those red, unseeing eyes continued to stare at her from behind their glass lenses, and though Kanaya knew that the other was blind, she could have sworn that she was looking right through her. She held a steely demeanor, mentally willing Terezi to just take this explanation and let the matter go.

"... Yeah, I guess it would," the Libra finally said, alleviating Kanaya's fears in that one, short sentence. "... The first day of the new year. You have to tell him then."

"I will, I promise," the Virgo said a little too quickly.

Another stretch of silence broke between them, but this one was more uncomfortable than before. Terezi was undoubtedly worrying about the future fate of their friend, and Kanaya had no real words to alleviate her fears. The best that she could hope for, that either of them could hope for, was that everything would turn out alright.

… What on Earth was she going to get Rose for Perigee's Eve?

* * *

"You're having trouble shopping for your alien girlfriend's Christmas present?" Dave said, slaying another monster on his video game. "Join the club. Seriously though, weren't you helping Jade in the kitchen? Kind of why I came in here to play video games..."

"I was," the Seer replied, crossing her arms defensively. "But I seem to have lost her amidst the endless mountains of cookies that have all but completely conquered the kitchen. The haste with which they'd managed to overthrow us both was a feat to behold."

"That's cool. Did you want to be player two or...?"

"I think I'll pass," Rose shifted, finding that having her legs tucked neatly under the rest of her wasn't quite as comfortable as it had been initially. "So, you don't know what you're getting Terezi then?"

"No way, I was just fucking with you," Dave said coolly. "I've already got her gift. Shit's probably the single most ironic thing a person could ever give. I'm reaching new echelons of irony here Rose, heights unheard of by ironic kind."

"Fascinating."

"Yeah I know, try to keep calm though, you'll get there some day. Stay on your path young Padawan or some shit."

Rose rolled her eyes; sometimes it was hard to believe that they were ectobiologically related. Also, sometimes it was hard to believe that that was really a thing. Either way, the matter still stood; she wasn't sure of what to get Kanaya for a present.

"So, what exactly have you gotten Terezi then?" she inquired.

"Don't worry about it, you'll see soon enough," Dave responded, pausing his game and setting his controller down. "Alright, do you have any ideas? Give me something to springboard here."

"Well... I was thinking that she might enjoy some new books. Something in the realm of supernatural adventure or romance."

"Books? That's your big answer?" Dave asked. "Wow. Lame. Are you also getting her tube socks and underpants?"

"Any better ideas would be greatly appreciated," Rose said coyly. "Much more appreciated than any snarky remarks, at least."

"Shit, I don't know. You'd know better than I would. Have you tried asking the other trolls? Maybe you could get her like... horn polish or something."

"... is that even a thing?"

"It's a thing, but it's not as innocent as you're probably thinking."

"Hmm... well then," the Seer said, giving a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows. "If that's the case then maybe it's something I really should consider."

"No. Not having this conversation. Nope. You're not getting anymore fuel for your weird Oedipal shit from this Strider."

"Fair enough."

"But yeah, I'd ask Karkat or something. He's always bragging about being some romance expert, ask him."

Rose thought for a moment, idly tapping her fingers together as she considered the suggestion. Dave did have a point, Karkat had an uncanny knack for this sort of thing. "... No, that wouldn't do," she said after a few moments. "Besides, I think he probably has quite enough on his plate right now."

"What? Why? Since when does that grouchy asshole have anything on his plate?"

It was just too easy; really, Dave was starting to lose his touch.

"Don't worry about it," Rose said, parroting his words from before. "You'll see soon enough."

* * *

One sharp kick to force the front door open was Karkat's only indication that he'd finally returned to the apartment-stem. His entrance was further accented by the unceremonious chucking of candy canes at the unsuspecting John laying on the couch.

"Ouch!" the human said, quickly sitting up with the box. "... Hey, thanks!"

"Fuck off Egbert. The amount of cheery holiday swill and auricular sponge clot bursting screeching I had to put up with today is more than any one troll should be able to tolerate," shooting a quick glare over to the stereo, Karkat then added on. "And will someone turn that horrendous noise off already?"

The nubby horned troll didn't wait around to see if his request would be acknowledged, and instead he was quick to disappear beyond the seclusion of his and Gamzee's block. He probably would have slammed the door shut behind him, but one taller troll ducking in after him caught it before that could happen.

Dropping the rest of his bags in one corner of the block, Karkat then stretched out his weary arms. Those things got heavy after a while, and he'd been too stubborn to just hand some over for Gamzee to carry. Besides that, the Capricorn had been acting strangely all day; who knew if the purchases would have even made it back in his care?

… Speaking of.

"Gamzee," the Cancer groaned with frustration as he felt the other troll's hands on him once more. "Please, I'm too tired for this... can we just skip the part with me yelling into the ever consuming void of your attention span? Just this once? I really don't have the energy for it right now."

His request was met with silence, save for the still blaring holiday jingles in the other room, and so Karkat took it upon himself to try and pry Gamzee's hands off of his waist. Much to his annoyance, though, the clown's hands merely tightened at his attempt to hook onto them. The troll was far too tired to fathom being gentle about the matter, and soon he was digging the points of his claws into the sides of the taller troll's hands.

"Let go!" he growled, pulling forward to try and further his effort to break free. "Gamzee! Let go of me, I'm not in the mood!"

The taller troll still said nothing, and Karkat was too worked up in his anger to think much of it. Such a tight grasp made it difficult for him to turn around, forcing him to twist at an awkward angle in order to see his captor. Gamzee wasn't even looking at him; he was just staring ahead for some reason.

"Damn it! You've been pulling this shit all day and I've fucking had it! Let go of me or I swear-"

"You swear what, motherfucker?" the Capricorn asked, his voice holding an eerie sort of stillness. "You'll break up with me? End this most red of dances in the dark before it ever sees the motherfucking light?"

Karkat felt his blood run cold at Gamzee's words; this wasn't how the other usually talked, and it instantly unsettled him. In that moment, the air in their block seemed to go stale and with it went any levity the moment might have had. It wasn't so much what the taller troll had said, though, as how he'd said it; such a stoic, detached voice told the Cancer that something was very wrong here.

He wasn't just playing around.

"I... Gamzee-"

"No!" the Capricorn yelled suddenly, somehow still managing to startle Karkat as his bright red eyes locked down on him. "I'm done hearing these motherfucking promises of falsehoods and dreams for a fool's paradise lost."

Gamzee's grasp on his waist was then used to spin him around, and Karkat heard himself yelp as he was then forced backwards. The backs of his legs buckled as they made contact with their sofa's arm, and before he could try to stop himself he was falling onto its soft cushioning. The taller troll was fast on him, using his greater weight and strength to firmly pin him down.

"S-stop! Gamzee stop!" Karkat managed, his voice cracked and panicked. "Control... please, I know you can fucking control yourself! Shh... shh it doesn't-"

"Your parlor tricks won't save you, motherfucker," the troll on top of him snarled, his usually calm and placid grin now morphed into a sinister portrait of malice. "Control is the motherfucking cage what keeps my think pan harshed and trapped up in this crimson fire we got."

His wild eyes shifted down from Karkat's face, a predatory gleam to them as they ran over the rest of the Cancer's body. "You and me, motherfucker," he murmured, the growl in his words mixing with a sort of deeper purr. "Me and motherfucking you."

The nubby horned troll continued to struggle, twisting what he could of his arms as he felt them shift to being secured by only one of Gamzee's hands. Despite this adjustment, the Capricorn's grip was as good as iron and Karkat soon realized that his fighting yielded little results. His legs were all but completely useless under Gamzee's weight, and his breathing rate dove into a frenzy as the full helplessness of his situation sunk in. It was when he heard the tear of fabric and felt his bare chest exposed to their block's still air that he found his voice again.

"Help!" he choked out, the corners of his eyes stinging with the red droplets of tears forming in them. "Help! Help! Stop, Please! For the love of fuck!" he cried, his throat starting to raw from the sheer strain of his pleas. "Stop! Gamzee stop! Don't do this!"

The sounds of Karkat's struggle were swallowed up by the activity in the rest of the apartment-stem, and as he heard the song change through the walls of their block he knew it was useless. Nobody could hear him, and nobody was coming to save him. He'd been getting slightly better at being Gamzee's matesprit, but he'd failed miserably in his role as the other's moirail. He should have seen this coming, been able to stop it somehow. Instead, here he was pinned down to a couch, unable to stop what was about to happen.

"Gamzee please! If you're really flushed for me, if I mean anything to you at all in these fucked up quadrants of ours," the Cancer begged, giving one last fight as he felt the bigger troll's hand slide down his chest. "You won't do this. Please stop... I don't want this."

"What you want?" the Capricorn said through gritted teeth, his wandering hand halting at the dip where Karkat's belly stopped. "What about what I want motherfucker?"

The Cancer froze, instinctively looking away as Gamzee's eyes shifted back up to stare at him. His chest rose and fell with uneven gasps for air, and he was only now cognizant of the thin lines of tears running down his face. As petrified as he was, though, one thing did register; Gamzee had stopped, and this was his window of opportunity.

"Wh...what..." he asked, quickly clearing his throat to try a more coherent response. "... What do you want?"

Gamzee studied Karkat for several long minutes, those terrifying eyes trained on him in an unwavering, steely gaze. The Cancer swallowed, a mixture of nerves and nausea threatening to work its way to the surface. It was the in between that made him anxious; that knowledge that Gamzee was at the precipice of either reining in control on himself, or fully committing to this decision. With that dark, almost frozen expression in his eyes, it felt as if he could go either way.

Karkat tried to will himself to say something, to do something to try and sway him towards reconciliation. With every second that ticked by, he found himself remaining silent and wishing he was brave enough to be so capable. He wasn't, though; he was a coward. Still trembling and crying beneath Gamzee's hold like a sort of trapped wiggler.

It was pathetic.

_He _was pathetic.

"I want... what every other motherfucker in this hive has," Gamzee said finally, pulling Karkat's thoughts back into the moment. "... Got no shame in my pump for these feelings harbored in red... I don't want to keep it in obscurity anymore motherfucker... I can't," his voice grew softer the more he talked, and his hold gradually began to loosen on the Cancer. "I can't... I can't keep pretending anymore."

The nubby horned troll watched as his boyfriend's features began to soften, feeling like an even bigger piece of shit than he had before. Gamzee didn't want to keep hiding their relationship, hadn't wanted to since the beginning, and only now did Karkat realize how much stress it had been putting on him. The troll could be stronger and more terrifying than anyone else he'd ever met, but inside he was just as equally fragile. He was still that simple, faithful clown who believed so fully in something that he couldn't handle a world where it wasn't okay.

Finally releasing him completely, the Capricorn now withdrew from the shorter troll and cradled his face in his hands. Karkat could see it though, the translucent purple spilling from his eyes as he finally came to terms with what he'd almost done.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry Karbro," he said, his voice wobbled and broken between silent sobs. "I'm so motherfucking sorry... I'm sorry."

The shorter troll sat up on the couch, his arms still a bit shaky in their movements, and didn't hesitate a moment before wrapping his arms around Gamzee. This was all part of it; part of the dangers that he'd accepted responsibility for when he'd gotten into these quadrants. The Capricorn reciprocated his embrace, clinging tightly onto him as if he were afraid of losing him forever.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Gamzee repeated into the ruffled black mess of Karkat's hair. "I'm sorry..."

"Shh..." Karkat said softly, rubbing the taller troll's back. "It's okay... shh... it's going to be okay."

They stayed like that for a good hour or so, even passing up Jade's dinner as she called for everyone. The Cancer wasn't about to leave Gamzee like this, and he was determined to stay there as long as the taller troll needed. He continued to hold him, shooshing him occasionally, and eventually they'd both worked themselves into a period of calmed stasis. It was a bit longer before either of them spoke past this, and the Capricorn's hoarse voice was the first to break the silence.

"... I meant it though... I don't want to hide it anymore."

"I know," the nubby horned troll said simply. "I know you don't... it wasn't fair of me to ask you to in the first place."

The two fell back into their quiet once more, no more words needing to be said than that.

Tomorrow, Karkat decided.

They'd tell everyone tomorrow.


	42. Filling In The Blanks

Filling In The Blanks

Karkat worried his bottom lip between his teeth, watching from one face to the next as he tried to gauge the reactions of his hivemates. What would he do if they didn't take this well? Maybe he should have found a better way to word it, eased them into the topic instead of just blurting it out like he had.

"_Gamzee and I are dating."_

"_... Duh, we know that," Terezi said._

"_No, we're not just moirails anymore," Karkat insisted, crossing his arms as he spoke. "We're matesprits now too."_

"_Too?" the blind troll asked. "... As in-"_

"_As in both. We're both moirails and matesprits now. The entire red half of our quadrants is now occupied, one troll for both."_

Everyone had gone silent after that, giving mixed expressions at the news. Jade's was as easy to read as ever, confusion and bewilderment etched into her every facial feature. He should have expected as much from her; after all, it didn't take much to catch the Witch off guard. Then there was Kanaya who was unsurprised, of course, and Rose who didn't seemed all that shocked either.

John was following suit with his own tactic, trying to see how everyone else would take the news before reacting himself. Then again, maybe the four eyed walking think pan really just wasn't sure what this information meant. He never was one for listening to talk about quadrants, and the nubby horned troll decided that he'd actually just be surprised if John had managed to pick up the information on his own.

Terezi appeared to have been hit the hardest by this revelation, her snarky smile having quickly morphed into silent surprise. Even Dave's usual pokerface had cracked at the raise of eyebrows over his shades.

More than anything, Karkat just wanted someone to say something. This stunned silence had been going on for what had to be five minutes now, and it was beginning to make him panic inside. At least a poor reaction was something he could respond to; this was just torture.

"... I think it's great news," Rose finally said, serving as the answer to Karkat's unheard pleas. "Congratulations! I think you two will make a wonderful couple."

"Thanks sis," Gamzee responded, clearly a lot less nervous about the whole situation.

The Cancer looked up to him and was met with that lazy, calm smile that told him everything would be fine. Why had he been so nervous anyway? Even if quadrants were kind of supposed to be a troll's own fucking business, these were the idiots he was forced to call 'friends'. Of course they would accept this change in their dynamic.

"Yeah, that's awesome! You guys are pretty much best friends anyway," John said. "That's what they were before right? The one that meant being best bro pals for life?"

"Something... like that," Kanaya said, lips giving an amused little quirk.

"Never would have called that one!" Terezi snickered. "Seriously though, congrats guys."

"Oh... yes, congratulations," Jade said, still not looking too thrilled with the prospect.

She always was a little timid; maybe she was just still in shock over the news? Karkat didn't want to worry about it right now; he already felt like he had a pit in his stomach from how nervous he'd been feeling. Everyone seemed to be fine with this, and it made their strange dynamic much easier to accept for him. So what if they weren't in the most traditional of relationships? That didn't mean that there was anything wrong with it.

"... Really?" Dave said, interrupting the flow of congratulations and praise with a harsh, cutting tone. "You and the juggalo? This is an actual thing, like, you're not fucking with us all right now?"

As if someone had flipped a switch in the room, Karkat felt his momentarily relaxation dissipate only to be replaced with the former anxiousness from before. Of all people to say something, to make any sort of smartass comments, it had to be Strider. The short troll's focus immediately shifted to Gamzee, and his bundled up nervousness only grew at the Capricorn's immediate glare.

All at once, none of this felt okay anymore; how could he have been so stupid? Of course this wasn't okay! Why the fuck had he thought this was going to be a good idea? Past Karkat was a complete moron for thinking this would end any way but badly.

"... Something wrong with that, motherfucker?" the taller troll asked, his body a tensed up picture of height and muscles.

"You tell me, chuckle fuck."

Unconsciously holding his breath, the Cancer felt frozen in time as he watched the two stare each other down. For all of ten seconds, it felt like the world had stopped turning and that years were passing by.

Fortunately for the Cancer, there was a strange, female troll looking out for him.

"Dave, quit being a dick," Terezi said, giving the Knight a playful shove before laughing off the matter. "Don't mind him, I think he's on his human period right now."

The blind troll tactfully stepped between them, and Karkat knew her well enough to know exactly what she was doing. Blind or not, she could clearly see that this was a volatile situation that needed defusing. True to form, she broke the tension the only way she knew how; with humor and clever redirection.

"But... boys don't get periods," John interjected, returning Karkat's ability to speak with the incompetence of his remark.

"Please, just stop talking," the nubby horned troll grumbled, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "You people make my think pan feel as if it's about to split open and gush out a raging volcano of hate bile."

"... Eww."

He was an idiot; clearly that was the only explanation for the incredulous amounts of vapid stupidity constantly spewing from his mouth.

Nonetheless, Gamzee seemed to have had his fill of the moment, and Karkat didn't try to stop him as he wandered back to their block. He was probably still pissed off at Dave, but it seemed he was leaving to go cool off. At least, that's what the shorter troll hoped he was doing; the last thing he needed was to come home to a bunch of mutilated corpses strewn across the floor.

He also needed to not do that thing where he could all too clearly visualize that scenario.

"Fuck. Whatever," the troll growled. "Sharing and caring time is over. We're together, fuck you all, I'm going out for a bit."

Now seemed like as good a time as any, and he decided that he could really use a breather after all that. Kanaya gave him a slight nod, and was the first to wander away from the scene with Rose fast on her heels. If nothing else, at least he could count on those two to not make a big fuss over this.

Storming past everyone else and over to the door, Karkat snatched his jacket off of the hook on the wall and quickly shrugged it on. He'd have been out and free to be alone with his own thoughts were he not stopped just before his successful abscond by a surprisingly gentle hand on his shoulder. It was Terezi, and she had that look on her face that said she wasn't quite ready to let the matter rest.

"I'll go with you," she declared, her voice holding such a tone of finality that Karkat knew it was useless to argue against her. "Come on grumpy, let's go for a walk!"

"Oh yes, because there's nothing I want more on my refreshing walks alone than company. Please, by all means, we can skip rope with my spinal cord as we venture off on this merry quest into fuck off juncture!"

"Holy shit, Karkat shut up," Terezi said before giving his ankle a quick whack with her cane.

"Ow! Don't hit me damn it!'

The Libra giggled at this but said no more, and she made a showy gesture of holding the door open for him. A quick roll of his eyes was all Karkat could muster, and he rushed into the cold outside. He and Terezi hadn't had a serious conversation for a long time, so maybe this wasn't the worst idea in the world. Either way, at this point it seemed inevitable.

It was time for a feelings jam.

* * *

"So, you really had no idea they were planning on telling everyone?"

"Honest, I hadn't the foggiest notion," Kanaya responded. "This must have been something they'd decided on their own... I wonder what could have prompted it."

"Well, Gamzee had been wanting to reveal their relationship for some time, right?" Rose asked, knitting away at her latest project. "Could it be possible that he was putting pressure on Karkat to bring their relationship into the light? Or maybe they both just got fed up with all of this secrecy nonsense."

"When you put it like that, both scenarios sounds equally plausible. Either way, it's about time; I can't imagine the stress of having to hide such an important part of one's life. I must say, I struggle to see the positives of such an arrangement."

It really was better to have things out in the open like this, the Virgo concluded, and the likelihood of Gamzee's stability remaining intact would be better off. The two had enough to handle without the stress of hiding and obfuscating their relationship.

But there was one thing that still troubled her.

"... That exchange with Dave," she said aloud, leaning against her matesprit. "I must admit, that worries me."

"Really?" Rose asked before setting down her knitting project. "I'll confess that I sometimes get a bit mixed up with these troll quadrants, but isn't it possible that it was some form of... well, hate flirting?"

"I strongly doubt it. You see, violent though it is, Kismesissitude is like a dance; it takes both partners exhibiting and partaking in various aggressions and antagonisms against each other... a dance which I did not see a few hours ago."

"Interesting... so what did you see then?"

"If it were left to my interpretation, I'd say that what I witnessed was a pure, unadulterated example of two people barely containing their anger towards one another, with one doing a considerably better job than the other."

"Hmm..." Rose said thoughtfully, taking the troll's hand in her own. She began lightly running her fingers over the back of Kanaya's hand, occasionally tracing small circles in an indiscernible pattern. Either way, it was very soothing and the Virgo silently hoped that she would continue this affectionate little ministration. "... I see... is it something that we should be concerned about?"

Kanaya thought the matter over, weighing the different outcomes in her mind. She didn't want to make a mountain out a molehill, but so often it was those exact disregarded details that came back to bite her on the rump later. Ideally, a sit down to talk with both of them would probably do wonders. Then again, the mere prospect of getting either one of them on board to openly discuss the matter would likely be more difficult than the actual compromising.

"I guess... our best bet would be to silently observe them both," she said. "For now, their hostilities seem to be under the surface, despite being poorly concealed... So long as they remain here, we might have nothing to worry about. After all, two people can dislike each other and still maintain some degree of civility."

"Until one of them loses it and goes on a murderous rampage, you mean?"

"Ah yes, of course," the troll said, leaning down slightly to press their foreheads together. "I suppose we should be on the lookout for that too."

The Seer tilted her head closer to Kanaya, and the Virgo took this as an invitation to sample those soft, luscious lips of hers. Careful to keep her fangs out of the mix, the troll claimed Rose in several gentle kisses before shifting down to her neck. The girl was wearing perfume, albeit just a tiny bit, and it served as just another small detail to adore on the girl. Subtleties were where she shone the best, and finding those little snippets never stopped being a sort of fun treasure hunt.

Wrapping her arms around Rose's waist, Kanaya pulled her closer and gave her a light nuzzle. They'd yet to go very far in their relationship, having only managed the most heated of makeouts and a lot of endless cuddling, but the troll found that she was quite content with the speed at which things were moving. It was comfortable; not too hurried but not so agonizingly slow either. Perhaps that was what she liked best about Rose; the girl really seemed to be on the same page as her.

This cuddle session, like many others, was interrupted by a polite knock at the door. She and her matesprit both glanced from the door to each other, and sheepish grins were exchanged before untangling themselves a bit.

"Come in," Rose said, picking her knitting back up from the floor. The door opened to reveal Jade, and the worried expression on her face told Kanaya that this was probably going to be another conversation in which she'd have to do a bit of damage control.

"Um... I just... wanted to know what you two thought of Karkat and Gamzee," she asked, appearing as if she wished to say more but was nervous of revealing too much. "You know... about them being a couple?"

"Why's that?" Rose asked, giving the Witch her full attention. "At the risk of being perfectly candid about all of this, I see no problem with the relationship. In fact, I think it could do them both some good."

There she went, being bold and brave where Kanaya could not.

"I agree," the troll piped in, looking Jade in the eyes to try and convey the deeper meaning behind her words. "I'd even go so far as saying that there's nothing at all to worry about."

"Well... that sounds nice and stuff I guess," the Witch said. "But what about Gamzee! Don't either of you think that maybe... maybe a relationship is too much for someone like him to handle?"

"How so?" Rose said, a challenge in her voice that dared Jade to reveal what she already knew. "He seems to be doing very well lately, I don't think there's much cause for alarm."

"But what if he loses control of himself again?" Jade went on, clenching her hands as she tried to make them see the desperation of it all. "Karkat could get hurt! What if he doesn't really want to be in this relationship and Gamzee is forcing him into it!"

"Come now, Gamzee may have his faults but he's no monster," Kanaya said.

Then, thinking back on her words and realizing this was a poor defense, she quickly rephrased.

"I mean... well, he's not a complete monster by troll standards."

"Okay, but even if it's alright for him to kill other trolls or whatever," Jade said. "Then what's to stop him from killing Karkat!"

"Jade, don't you think that if he were going to attack Karkat, he would have done so by now?" Rose asked, waiting in the gap of silence that followed before continuing. "Honestly, whatever it is that consists of their relationship, it hardly seems that Karkat is in a situation he can't handle."

"Rose is right," Kanaya added. "Even if their matespritship takes a rockier turn, I believe that their moirallegiance is strong enough to keep Karkat safe."

"You guys are missing the point though!" Jade said. "Whether it's just Karkat or a whole bunch of city dwelling trolls, it's wrong! Gamzee shouldn't be killing or attacking anybody, he's dangerous!"

Rose opened her mouth to respond again, but the sound of a loud buzz from the laundry room seemed to have derailed her thoughts. It took Kanaya a moment to think of it, but she recalled then that she and her matesprit had put a load of laundry in the dryer about an hour ago. That sound meant that it was done and ready to be folded.

Setting aside her knitting once more, Rose got to her feet, "Like I said, I don't think there's much to worry about. Seeking justice on Gamzee for his misdeeds is a far jump from worrying about Karkat's safety around him. Excuse me, though, if I don't fold those clothes they'll wrinkle." With that, the Seer excused herself and left Kanaya and one flustered Jade by themselves.

"... You promised you'd talk to him," the Witch said, dog ears flattening against her black hair. "You said you would talk to him about all of the bodies that were found and that I shouldn't worry about it."

"You shouldn't worry about it," Kanaya repeated.

"But have you talked to him?"

"I... the opportune moment hasn't exactly-"

"Then I'm going to worry about it! Karkat is my friend, and I'm not going to stand by and do nothing if he could be in danger. He needs to know what's going on!"

"I know," the Virgo said, trying to keep her voice calm in an attempt to soothe the other. "I know that you're likely frightened and worried about Karkat's well being. I fully intend to bring the matter up with him though, I promise."

"When though?" Jade pressed. "I need to know when you're going to tell him."

Well, since he was going to be learning about the highbloods then anyway...

"After the holidays," she said. "The first of the new year, I'll tell him everything then."

The Witch sat on this for a few minutes, her bright green eyes trained on Kanaya as if trying to test the validity of this deadline.

"... Promise?" she said.

"I promise. No matter what happens, I'll tell Karkat about the bodies on the first of the new year."

"... okay..." Jade said, relaxing some at this simple concession. "... but I'm serious Kanaya, if you don't tell him, then I will."

Wow, that certainly sounded familiar.

* * *

"Can you believe her? Seriously, as if that wasn't the most deliberately spiteful shit she's ever pulled," Dave said. "And she plays it off all innocent too, 'Oh, I'll go with you!' yeah right. Whatever, go hang with your ex troll boyfriend, not like your current boyfriend has a problem with that or anything."

The blonde shot another onscreen zombie in the face, half wishing he'd left the volume on to hear the blast. This was how normal people left off steam; with mindless video games, not going out and murdering a bunch of real trolls. Between Terezi and Gamzee, he was feeling more than a little pissed off right now.

"Dave, come on," John said, doing his best to keep up on the game. "I'm sure she didn't mean anything like that... her and Karkat are friends, right? Maybe she really just wants to talk to him about all this."

"Yeah, bullshit. That screeching asshole settles for some Faygo slurping clown and I'm supposed to believe he's not out there macking on my girlfriend? Fuck that. He's probably just using the juggalo as a cover or something."

"But do you really think that she'd-"

"Never mind, let's just drop it. I don't want to talk about Rezi right now."

"... um... okay..."

The two continued to game in silence for the rest of the level, with Dave annihilating pretty much anything that crossed his path. In the back of his mind he knew that he was probably being a little unreasonable, but right now he just didn't care. All he wanted was to kill zombies, chill with his bro, and forget all about how angry he was.

"... Dave," John said as the next level began to load. "Why do you hate Gamzee so much?"

Apparently, forgetting about his anger wasn't going to happen.

"Are you kidding me?" the Knight said, pausing the game and turning to look at John. "Of course not, you're dead serious right now. Alright, fine. I'll bite. I'll state the obvious since everyone else in this apartment has lost their god damn minds. Aside from the fact that he's a stupid fucking juggalo, has everyone else forgotten that he's kind of a murderer? He's an insane, unstable, religious nut job who'd probably lose his absolute shit for the chance to have those ICP assholes fart in his general direction. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, he actually gets mad with the real ICP because his bullshit clown religion is too similar the same made up magical hocus pocus bullshit that it probably came from in the first place! But no, let's all cower in fear because surprise! The insane juggalo kills people. Fuck that guy dude. Fuck him, and his clown shit, and all of that stupid sugary vomit he drinks."

John didn't respond, looking a bit too shocked by everything he'd said, and Dave couldn't hide the scowl beneath his pokerface. Maybe it was a little harsh, but that asshole just got under his skin; their lives would be so much simpler at the apartment without Gamzee and his obnoxious little friend.

"... wow," the Heir said finally, folding his hands together and looking away. "That was... uh... intense."

"Fuck..." Dave said, leading his head drop back against the mattress. "Look... I'm sorry, I'm just... they all pissed me off. Forget I said anything."

* * *

Strumming through one chord and the next, Gamzee focused all of his attention on his guitar. He was still pretty irritable from Dave's comments earlier, but with each sweet tune he felt his anger melting away. This was proving to be a better outlet than he would have thought; forcing himself to focus on something kept his think pan too busy to get its brood going. Miracle meowed, and Gamzee watched her climb up onto the couch from his periphery. She sniffed at the neck of the guitar, but stayed a good enough distance away that she didn't interfere with his playing.

It was good to have some company, but what the Capricorn really wanted was his best bro to come home.

Pulling out his cell phone, Gamzee sent a quick text asking when the shorter troll when he'd be back. He knew he probably wouldn't get a response right away, but at least Karkat would know he was missed. The setback from earlier aside, he was still in a pretty decent mood; their relationship was out in the open now, and he didn't have to hide it from the others ever again. It left him feeling pretty chill with the world right now.

Gamzee's attention was pulled from his guitar as he noticed Miracle abandoning him to curl up in his hoodie. A big smile stretched across the Capricorn's face, and he put the instrument aside to play with the meowbeast.

"What are you up and doing little fluff puff?" he cooed, scrunching down in an attempt to get to the cat's level. "Motherfucker's going to get some wicked z's up in my hoodie? Shit, I don't blame you sis; it's all kinds of comfy."

Between the curled up circle of meowbeast and the cottony softness of his hoodie, Gamzee almost hadn't noticed the little rectangular piece of paper jutting out from the pocket. Curiosity got the better of him, as it often did, and he plucked up what appeared to be a card with one hand while petting Miracle with the other.

Oh yeah! He'd almost forgotten about this.

Gamzee looked over the card for Kyra's Tattoos, remembering how excited he'd gotten when he'd found out about the permanent paints. Now that he and Karkat weren't hiding their relationship anymore, what better way to commemorate it? It'd have to be something special though, not just any paint would do.

Taking the card and stowing it into one of the dresser drawers for safekeeping, the troll scavenged around for a pencil and paper. Where would he even put his little testament? Shit, maybe he could get a whole section done; his arm or back or something like that. Then again, Karkat wasn't much for big fancy shit, maybe something more simple? Whatever it was, it definitely had to be a surprise.

* * *

At least there was hot chocolate.

Karkat stared down at the warm cup between his hands, trying to ignore the blind troll sitting across from him. He was pretty sure she'd gotten hot chocolate as well, but there were so many fucking marshmallows on top that it was honestly hard to tell. He didn't have much room to talk, though, given the swirl of whip cream and chocolate shavings over his own.

Fine, so they were both equally enjoying drinks with way too much sugar.

So far, the conversation had been kept casual with talk of the holiday approaching and other such light topics. It had certainly helped the nubby horned troll relax, but in a way it put him on guard. This was how Terezi worked; she was lulling him into a false sense of security before bringing up why she'd really come with him. It wasn't exactly difficult to figure out what the topic at hand would be, but he was unwilling to address it all the same.

It wasn't that he feared her input on the matter or anything, it was just kind awkward to talk about such a topic with someone he used to be sort of romantically interested in. Okay, no, that was pretty much the understatement of the century. At one point, he was horns over heels for this troll; wanted nothing more than to be the only one she ever wanted to spend time with. Once upon a time, he would have stopped at nothing to try and win her affections.

Now look at them.

He was dating a clown, and she was dating a douchebag.

"Hey, stop with all that thinking," Terezi said with a snicker. "I can smell your think pan burning from way over here."

"Fuck off. We both know you're just letting me stew at this point, so why don't we just skip the bullshit and get right onto the real reason you brought me out here. Enlighten me, because I haven't the tiniest shred of an idea to what this could possibly be about."

"Hehehe, what's the matter Karkles? Still uncomfortable with the topic of quadrants? And here I thought we'd grown from that six sweep old troll."

"Oh please, forgive me for not announcing to the world exactly what's going on with my personal romantic life every second of the day! I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this was a topic of such interest! I'll rectify the matter immediately. Someone call the paper, I've got a hot story for the front page!"

"So... it's a hot story then?"

"Dear fucking hell, someone cull me now," the short troll grumbled, irritably resting his head on the heel of his palm. "Come on, out with it. We both know you're stalling as part of your weird mind games to pick my think pan on what's going on with me and Gamzee."

"Stalling? Me?"

"Terezi!"

The Libra laughed that much more at his frustration, then proceeded to take a long, slow sip from her hot chocolate. It was enough to make the rage hemisphere of his think pan flare up, and he was about five seconds away from just flipping the table and storming out. She always knew how to push his buttons in all the ways to irritate him.

… Then again... this was kind of nice.

It almost felt like how their friendship used to be; before the game, before the relationship drama, before all of that. Even though it had been a long time since then, he was silently glad to find that they could fall right back into their former dynamic with ease.

"If it helps," Terezi said, finally setting her drink back down on the table. "I'm not going to sit here and badger you for juicy details."

"How gracious of you."

"Let me finish! I mean that I'll have plenty of time to do that later," she said, those sharp teeth showing in the points of her smile. "Right now, I actually just only have one question. So you can get your little grubby diapers out of a twist."

"Fine," Karkat said tersely, sipping from his own cocoa. "Out with it already."

"... Does he make you happy? And I mean actually happy, not like your fulfilling some sort of weird duty that nobody expects you to take over."

That was it?

She brought him all the way out here and went through all these mini mind games of hers just to ask if Gamzee made him happy?

"... That's it?"

"What, were you expecting some sort of endless list of questions?" the Libra teased. "Because if you want them, I definitely have some for you. Like how far have you-"

"No! Fuck! Come one we're out in public here," the troll said quickly, dropping his own voice to a whisper. "No, no, I didn't mean you have to ask more than that, I just... I don't know, it seems kind of like a huge waste of time to ask just one simple question."

"Well, it's the most important question, isn't it? A question that you still haven't answered, by the way."

"Fine, yes. Will that get you off my bulge about it? Gamzee makes me happy."

"... and he's good to you?"

"That's two questions! You said there was just one!" Karkat protested.

"Yeah, so that means I lied," she said with another giggle. "Isn't that one important too though?"

"Ugh... yes..."

"Yes what? Yes it's important or yes he treats you like he's supposed to?"

Karkat got quiet now, sinking a bit in his chair at how embarrassing this whole moment felt. If only he could have continued to sink all the way down to the floor. Then maybe, by some iota of physic denying reality, he'd be absorbed into the floor and wouldn't have to deal with this embarrassment ever again.

"Yes, Gamzee is good to me," he mumbled. "Look... I know this seems out of the blue and it's probably really unexpected, but this has kind of... been going on for a while now. This didn't happen over night, and I'm not going to sit here and try to pretend that he's the most perfect troll ever... He tries his best, and each day things get better," he paused, mouth quirking into a half smile before he spoke again. "And he does make me really happy... no matter how completely fucking stupid he can be sometimes."

The blind troll had a strange expression on her face now, one that Karkat was having a hard time reading. She seemed happy, at least the smile indicated as much, but it was more than that. Something about the subtle curve of her eyebrows and her more relaxed posture told the Cancer more than she probably could have. Relief? Acceptance?

"I'm glad to hear that," Terezi said, nodding and then taking another sip of her hot cocoa. "That's all I wanted to know."


End file.
